See if the above poster hooked you:
Every time someone doesn't read the first part of this post, Rick Santorum eats a kitten and your post may be frowned upon.Idea stolen from Critique Circle. The writer will post no more than the first 500-1000 words of their work (unless you desperately need to finish a sentence, I guess). If it's a script, the first four pages should suffice, since 1000 words is about four pages in most books. The reader is pretending to be an editor going through the slush pile, and will stop reading the excerpt if they lose interest. The reader will post to say if they stopped reading, why/ why not, and offer suggestions. The critique doesn't have to be detailed, but please at least offer some advice.
Every time someone doesn't follow the second part, Rick Santorum eats five kittens and your post has a 90% chance of being ignored.FRIENDLY REMINDER: As the title of the thread implies, if someone posted an excerpt before you, please critique it before posting your own. If you skip someone, you lose the right to whine if someone skips over you. People that have been skipped, feel free to post a polite reminder if you're getting concerned. Reading 1000 words and leaving a few comments shouldn't take too long. And look at it this way: if you critique it yourself, you don't risk waiting forever for someone else to do it for you (this thread takes occasional naps) and you don't have to hope the critiquer doesn't have an excerpt of their own to post right after. A SHORT NOTE: By hook we mean the first thing the reader sees of the story, not necessarily some sort of inciting incident. Your beginning can be slow and steady, but it still counts as the hook because readers can still be interested by something that moves slowly as long as something is there that gives the reader a reason to keep going. So if you have a prologue that meets or surpasses the word limit, don't stick your first chapter underneath it. DISCLAIMER: This isn't a hardcore critique thread, so don't try to milk a detailed critique for your first chapter. That's why we have the word limits. Just think of this as a preliminary screening process for serious problems so you can get started on making your first impressions sparkly and awesome.
edited 20th Aug '12 7:46:48 PM by SnowyFoxes
edited 27th Nov '11 4:08:33 AM by AirofMystery
edited 27th Nov '11 11:17:01 AM by MrAHR
5:48 AM Jonathan Sandusky jammed another piton into a crack and hoisted himself up another foot. He glanced back down the massive rock wall and wished he hadn’t; the ground reeled almost a hundred and fifty below him. “Okay, calm down,” he muttered to himself. “It’s simple. Get in, kill Roland, get out.” He stared back up the wall and snorted. “Simple my ass.” He gritted his teeth and pulled himself up another foot. After a little more climbing, Jonathan managed to pull himself just above the elevated monorail entrance. He glanced at his watch; he still had a few minutes before the train approached the automated checkpoint. He jammed a piton into a crack and carefully balanced on it, his chest heaving as he gulped in deep breaths. Climbing up the citadel wall had been harder than he expected. As he rested, Jonathan looked over the skyline of Roost. The sun was due to rise in a few hours; with luck, he could be out by then. Jonathan noticed the headlights of the monorail approaching. Somewhere, down in the city, a deep bell boomed out the time. Jonathan winced at the memories the sound brought up. “Get it together!” he told himself. “That’s the reason you’re here! Suck it up and keep going!” The door in the wall rumbled open, and Jonathan hung himself from the piton, ready to drop to the track below. As soon as the monorail was out from beneath him, he let go and began sprinting through the gate. The doors were already closing, threatening to crush him. However, he made it through with plenty of time to spare and climbed down the inner wall from the track to the courtyard. From the safety of some bushes, Jonathan examined his surroundings. A few guards patrolled the area, but nothing serious. After all, who was going to infiltrate the courtyard? The cliff the citadel rested on was almost completely vertical. Jonathan chuckled at this oversight. Jonathan slowly made his way across the courtyard. The guards were ready to change shifts, and weren’t very alert. In spite of this, Jonathan didn’t take any unnecessary risks; he moved slowly and took his time. Eventually, he reached his objective: a narrow, chute-like structure in the wall’s design. He planted his feet against one wall, his back against the other, and began pushing himself up.
edited 28th Nov '11 9:51:37 AM by KyleJacobs
edited 28th Nov '11 11:22:10 AM by Voltech44
edited 28th Nov '11 12:38:18 PM by fanty
edited 28th Nov '11 7:52:34 PM by RiotousRascal
edited 29th Nov '11 4:02:56 AM by NoirGrimoir
- Clarence Darrow
edited 29th Nov '11 4:20:19 PM by JHM
edited 29th Nov '11 4:19:58 PM by Voltech44