A Lone Wolf And A Lousy Day At School - A Mini Series:

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26 Schitzo13th Dec 2011 12:35:45 PM from Akumajou Dracula , Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE
My female extras and my female leads are worlds apart, AHR.

How should I tone them down? What was over the top? The flashing? the pro wrestling-esque poster sign?

And I think I like the idea of them being bizarre like minded background duos.
ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.
27 Philosopher13th Dec 2011 09:11:14 PM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
Nice use of details. It really gave an impression of what was happening.

I think the two girls with the signs of "Do Us" was over the top.

The crowd's reaction sent me into shock.

I haven't read the entire thing, so I may not have the best judgement. You do appear to be doing a good job; so, keep up the good work.
It comes. The corrupter comes. Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
28 Schitzo13th Dec 2011 10:57:15 PM from Akumajou Dracula , Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE
I aim to keep either the "Do us" or the flasher. I won't take out both. If i have to take out one, which would it be?

What have and haven't you read, Philosopher? Tell me what your favorite parts were, tell me what else needed work. Specifics dood.

edited 17th Dec '11 1:21:14 PM by Schitzo

ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.
29 Schitzo17th Dec 2011 01:21:01 PM from Akumajou Dracula , Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE
I've omitted the sign, since that seems to have taken some planning, which wouldn't make sense.

Any other thoughts?
ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.
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Total posts: 29
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