Idea I had for a fantasy story-would like opinions:

Total posts: [3]
The Other Steve
This is an idea I've been kicking around for a few days. It's still very early in development, but I'd just like to hear what people think.

The story takes place in a Standard Fantasy Setting. Years ago, a Evil Sorcerer took control of a nation (let's call it Prya for now, I'm not good at names) and declared war on the entire world. During the war, he conducted several magical experiments to bolster his forcers, and as a side-effect, the nature of the country itself was altered, becoming a breeding ground for very powerful magic and fearsome monsters. Eventually, the Evil Sorcerer was defeated by the other nations, but the damage had been done. Prya had fallen apart, both from the damage caused by the sorcerer's experiments and the collapse of infrastructure. The other nations did very little to help about this, and Prya sort of fell victim to multiple civil wars, monster attacks and other calamities.

A couple years later, Prya starts to rebuild itself. The queen of Prya and main protagonist, a young teenage girl with extremely powerful control over fire, and starts uniting the country and turning it into a military powerhouse by defeating the various monsters and other factions trying to control the country, and adding their powers to her military arsenal. (Examples: Her faction beats several dragons, and has them tamed and established as an air force. They kill a gorgon, and start developing magical super soldiers that can kill with a look. The queen herself got her fire powers by stealing them from a djinni.) The queen has been set up as a god-empress by her inner circle, and while she's uncomfortable with this arrangement, she goes along with it for the sake of the nation's morale. The queen herself is a good person, but she has to be The Woman Wearing the Queenly Mask and sometimes feels that she knows better then everyone else about how run the country. While the queen has no intention of using her military power to cause trouble, just get Prya back under control, all the other nations are wary of Prya's development, partly because they remember what happened last time, and partly because the queen's chief advisor is the Evil Sorcerer that started the whole mess, though now retired and possibly repentant, I haven't decided. The main plot of the story would about the reunification of Prya, as well as the student-teacher relationship between the queen and the sorcerer.

Like I said, this idea is still in early development. I'm not sure how much of this will be final, or if I'll even stick with it. (Seriously, I'm thinking about switching the queen's main protagonist spot with some of her soldiers, just in case I made the queen too powerful.) If anyone could contribute anything, that would be great.

edited 21st Oct '11 2:14:00 PM by TheOtherSteve

As everyone will say in the next fifty posts or so, ideas are dime a dozen and execution is all that matters, so write a bit of the story and show it to us if you want meaningful feedback etc. etc.

But judging from your premise alone, I am not intrigued. Powerful teen prodigy, queen mentor, dragons. Nothing that catches the eye. The only interesting part is the evil sorcerer being thet queens advisor, only it begs the question of why the hell would she ever do that. Even if he really has repented (and has been forgiven for his crimes, for some reason), it's a PR disaster to have the most hated person in existence and have everyone know about it. That's something that'd break my suspension of disbelief.

Once again, execution is everything and stuff. Ideas can be good, but they don't matter that much.

edited 21st Oct '11 2:27:54 PM by Dealan

The Other Steve
Thank you very much. I particularly apprechiate the advice about the difference between ideas and actual stories, and I'm kind of ashamed I didn't realize it earlier. Most of my contributions to this forum have just been ideas, which in no way proves that I'm a decent writer, only a dreamer. Again, thank you.

As for the actual content: the evil sorcerer thing needs work, I agree. The best way to get around the PR nightmare part, in my mind would be to have him use an alias and disguise. As for why the queen would put up with him and take such a huge risk: I don't think I can answer that question until I answer the question of why he would want to do this.

edited 21st Oct '11 6:11:13 PM by TheOtherSteve

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Total posts: 3