Trope Description Improvement Drive:

Total posts: [1,569]
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476 SeptimusHeap5th Dec 2012 04:13:10 AM from Valle di Muggio, Switzerland , Relationship Status: Mu
Tadpole
The Backwards R is a bit too much Self Demonstrating. Can we move it to SelfDemonstrating/
477 Fighteer20th Dec 2012 12:12:44 PM from the Time Vortex , Relationship Status: Dancing with Captain Jack Harkness
Geronimo!
I fixed Sadistic Choice to present the trope first and the variations second. As written, it focused too much on the "choose one of two hostages to save" version, when it is much broader.
478 MarqFJA22nd Dec 2012 02:02:49 PM from Saudi Arabia , Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
O' Allah, save Egypt
Interplay of Sex and Violence's description seriously needs expansion, because it's not clear from a first read what the trope is about.

Also, could I have some assistance with Nigh-Invulnerability's Made Of Diamond variant's entry? The part starting from the third line (boldfaced for clarity) does not clarify how it is "way, way beyond Super Toughness".

edited 25th Dec '12 8:28:26 AM by MarqFJA

Ash-shaʻb yurīd isqāṭ ḥukm al-ʻaskar
Added Alliterative Alien
Transsexual as it is right now is a bit of a mess, and has quite a few definitions on its page which, while relevant to the trope itself, are rather out of place, and don't offer much to the trope's description itself, feeling more like a Useful Notes page.

What could be done about them to help clean the description up?

480 SeptimusHeap28th Dec 2012 08:53:14 AM from Valle di Muggio, Switzerland , Relationship Status: Mu
Tadpole
That page needs a lot of description moved off to Analysis/
481 shimaspawn28th Dec 2012 08:56:09 AM from Here and Now , Relationship Status: In your bunk
Actually, that's more Useful Notes material than Analysis.
Reality is that, which when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

-Philip K. Dick
482 videogmer3144th Jan 2013 04:44:34 PM from that one place , Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
The suicide prevention note on Ate His Gun seems a bit unnecessary.
Musically inclined
Forced Tutorial has an issue with encouraging negativity, especially the self-demonstrating bit popping up throughout the page.
The world needs more capable people. Are you?
Dragon Writer
Soldiers at the Rear could use a more focused description.
485 MarqFJA5th Jan 2013 05:38:41 PM from Saudi Arabia , Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
O' Allah, save Egypt
Bubble Boy's description is taking the title and article image too literally, compared to examples like Mass Effect's Tali'Zorah. Also, as Shimaspawn had put it, "it looks very short sighted and there are serious examples in scifi all the time. It needs a rewrite and maybe a trip through image picking. Comedic examples are far rarerer than the person who wrote it assumes."

Also, Ninja really needs a chop down on its description, sending a lot of it into analysis.

PS: Currently under a temporary edit-suspension, so the most that I could do right now is to propose my takes on how to fix the problems above. I'll try doing that tomorrow; need some frickin' sleep!

edited 5th Jan '13 7:05:53 PM by MarqFJA

Ash-shaʻb yurīd isqāṭ ḥukm al-ʻaskar
486 nrjxll5th Jan 2013 06:39:02 PM , Relationship Status: Not war
[up]I think the Bubble Boy thing might be more suited for a split than a rewrite, actually.
487 MarqFJA5th Jan 2013 07:06:33 PM from Saudi Arabia , Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
O' Allah, save Egypt
<shrug> Well, that would have to wait until TRS cleans up. In the meantime, a rewrite would probably have to do.
Ash-shaʻb yurīd isqāṭ ḥukm al-ʻaskar
488 SeptimusHeap6th Jan 2013 02:11:11 AM from Valle di Muggio, Switzerland , Relationship Status: Mu
Tadpole
Personally, I'd trust the rewrite of Bubble Boy to someone who is more familiar with the fictional examples, since my familiarity is mostly about the Real Life ones.

Yeah, ninja needs a huge trimming. I'll think up on that.
Opening Monologue definitely needs work; the first sentence hints towards War Was Beginning rather than the trope it really is.
490 MarqFJA7th Jan 2013 06:07:46 PM from Saudi Arabia , Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
O' Allah, save Egypt
Lady in Red's description needs clarification on whether or not it's restricted to actual dresses — considering that it's applied in at least one case to a character whose only instances of wearing all-red is when she's in her Latex Space Suit — and whether the red being limited to a specific "main" piece of outerwear consistently despite wardrobe changes still counts (e.g. wearing a red jacket over otherwise changing sets of shirts/pants).
Ash-shaʻb yurīd isqāṭ ḥukm al-ʻaskar
Eating the Eye Candy is in bad need of a shorter and more clearer description. The trope is just "Female Gaze/Male Gaze presented as a character's viewpoint". That or something like that needs be said a lot early in the description.

edited 9th Jan '13 4:14:52 PM by captainpat

492 Noaqiyeum9th Jan 2013 04:56:12 PM from Kcymaerxthaere , Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The it-thingy
It's also currently in TRS.
Take everything with you you want to lose.
Freshly sponged spatial vectors enable propelling through sensory implosion default.
Well, the point of the trs thread is to give it a better description. Just posting it hear so it has more eyes on it.
494 Noaqiyeum9th Jan 2013 05:51:50 PM from Kcymaerxthaere , Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The it-thingy
Okay - I just thought it would be a bad idea if someone took it upon themselves to try to fix it up independently. :P
Take everything with you you want to lose.
Freshly sponged spatial vectors enable propelling through sensory implosion default.
All Men Are Perverts is unnecessarily long.

496 Xtifr12th Jan 2013 10:39:36 AM , Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
World's Toughest Milkman
Percussive Maintenance takes nearly a dozen paragraphs to explain what should be a fairly straightforward notion.
"Existential Despair" is an oxymoron.
497 Nohbody12th Jan 2013 10:12:07 PM from Somewhere in Dixie , Relationship Status: Mu
Just zis guy
It seemed to me that Percussive Maintenance got to the core idea at the start. However, it does have a lot of extra stuff that probably would better be put in Analysis, or plain old dumped in the bit bucket as trash.
498 SeptimusHeap13th Jan 2013 01:50:22 AM from Valle di Muggio, Switzerland , Relationship Status: Mu
Tadpole
The first and last three lines capture the trope.

Everything else can safely be thrown to an Analysis/ page.
499 Nohbody13th Jan 2013 04:09:44 AM from Somewhere in Dixie , Relationship Status: Mu
Just zis guy
I left a little more than [up], but I did chop out most of it and move it to the Analysis page, with a link to this discussion in the main page's edit reason.
500 Xtifr13th Jan 2013 02:30:10 PM , Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
World's Toughest Milkman
self-thump. reading failure.

edited 13th Jan '13 2:32:58 PM by Xtifr

"Existential Despair" is an oxymoron.

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