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Uncle Drunkie's Writer/Critic Dating Service:

Greetings! Welcome to...well, you read the title, you know where you are. How does this work, you ask?

CAUTION READ THIS BEFORE POSTING.

Writers looking for critics, post a synopsis of your work here. At the bottom you will find a handy-dandy list of suggestions to use for this. Keep the actual synopsis short (two mid-size paragraphs max. Someone will be along to help you...if you hook their interest, that is. Also, be sure to include a blurb about you, the writer; personal info is neither required nor recommended. Instead, speak on your goals as a writer and how serious you are about this. By "serious" I mean, are you just a fan fic hobbyist looking for some pointers, or are you seriously considering a career as an author?

Critics; your job is even easier. All you have to do is read through the synopses until you find one that interests you. If and when you have, PM the author and tell them "I want to be your critic!" Further details (how to exchange works, what the writer wants, what the critic wants, etc. etc. etc.) I leave to individual pairings to figure out.

The point here is to help join authors and the editors who might love them in the bonds of unholy geekery, for the betterment of all our nascent works...and to cut down on the plethora of "hey, critique my work!" micro-threads Writer's Block was inundated with. Furthermore, posting large chunks of a potentially publishable work in the public domain can be unwise.

Da Roolz: Writers

  • 1: Don't spam the thread. So far this has not been a problem as the Dating Service moves rather slowly. Let us continue this. Make your post and be patient; someone will be along to help you - and if nobody comes along, edit your post to make it more interesting.
  • 2: Writers are not to PM critics unless a prior arrangement has been made. Critics decide whether or not they wish to read a writer's materal.
  • 3: No posts other than synopses; I will be asking the mods to thump any post that doesn't conform to this criterium. Questions? PM me. If I'm not too wasted, I'll answer.
  • 4: Keep your synopsis short; two midsize paragraphs at most. The goal here is to interest someone in your work, not tell them all about it.
  • 5: Before put your work up for critiquing, run it through spell-check and give it a basic proofread. I've had two people complain to me about works where people did not do this, and that's a valid complaint. Yes, you are looking for help, but spell-check is a click away and it is not beyond the wit of writers to do a basic grammar scan. *
  • 6: Don't expect gushing. Expect to hear about weaknesses in your work as well as strengths. If you are not ready for that emotionally, don't post here.
  • 7: I would request that authors not delete their posts after they've gotten their help...just edit the post to say you've got all the help you need currently, and if that changes you can edit it back. People have asked me lots of questions about exactly what to put in their post...examples are good, particularly where the example can be seen as a successful one.

Da Roolz: Critics

  • 1: Don't be a dick. If you cannot be direct and honest without being rude, don't volunteer as a critic. If somebody's work sucks, then it sucks...but by taking on the job of a critic you are volunteering to help the writer make their work not suck.
  • 2: Don't overcommit. If you don't have the time, don't get a writer's hopes up by P Ming them and then never getting back to them. If your life situation changes and the free time you thought you had up and vanishes, be sure to let the writer know.
  • 3: Don't post here (unless you have a synopsis, then by all means...you can swing both ways here, it's all right). Just lurk until something pops up that you like, and PM the author to let them know.
  • 4: If it isn't working out, be sure to let the writer know you are going your separate ways - don't just drop off the planet.
  • 5: Keep checking old posts! Writers who previously had all the help they needed might need help again.

It really is that easy.

Things to put in your synopsis

Make sure you give us:

  • A basic idea of the genre.
  • What it is (book, script, etc.).
  • What kind of help you're looking for (technical, story-based, world-building, factual consultation, etc).
  • How far along the work is. This is important. Some critics don't want to teach kindergarten.
  • How serious you are - is this for fun, or something you hope to make money off of someday?

Also, include a nice little summary that both informs and titillates, somewhere between splash text and explanation.

Okay everyone, you know what to do. Start doin' it.

edited 22nd Sep '13 1:01:56 PM by drunkscriblerian

 51 draconiansuperior, Sat, 4th Feb '12 4:52:07 PM from Home, doing stuff
The Draconic Superior
Alright, here's a shot

  • Name: Pandemonium
  • Genre: Cosmic Horror Story, Urban Fantasy
  • Media: Webcomic
  • Criticism: Anything that can be pointed out. Not being very confidant in my own work, I really need the help of anything that can be given. It sounds complex, but if you're willing to work with it, that'd be great
  • Progress: Writing out story line, I intend to work on the drawing in a short while
  • Summary: Pandemonium follows the tale of four friends, Damien, Michelle, Lucia, and Zachary, as the enter the Æther, a realm separate from normal reality, which is made of multiple planes of existence, ranging from worlds made entirely out of water, to fiery volcano lands, while dealing with Demons, Angels and beings known as the Legion of the Otherworld.

edited 5th Feb '12 3:27:49 AM by draconiansuperior

 52 Leradny, Sun, 5th Feb '12 10:11:30 PM from Alameda, CA
Via Lunae

Criticism Preferred: Thorough.

Medium: Novel (currently incomplete rough draft). Updated with one chapter every one to two weeks.

Genre: Fantasy, Adventure.

Synopsis: A ritual wilderness trek has two women cross paths with a musician searching for his kidnapped girlfriend. Then they run into his girlfriend's sister, along with his girlfriend's sister's ace pilot best friend. Then they all rescue a young boy chased by a mysterious and violent man in black, and things get tangled from there.

edited 5th Feb '12 10:21:48 PM by Leradny

I need a beta reader for my fanfic exploits, present and possibly future. Mostly I need someone to help me check for logical errors and other weak points in the writing that aren't always easy to spot by yourself. If asked, I'd be happy to build a two-way street: you critique my back, I'll critique yours.

  • Name: Parthenogenesis
  • Genre: Fanfic (Homestuck, you don't necessarily need to read the whole comic to understand what's going on, but contextual knowledge would be helpful) Alternate Universe Fic, Scifi about troll history and biology, Mr. Seahorse but not a kink fic.
  • Length: About 2, 000 words per chapter; looking more for proofreading and preliminary critique than 'big picture' analysis. Incomplete and ongoing.

Synopsis:

An exploration of the trolls' world, history, biology and their mangled social behavior. Set in an non-Sgrub AU wherein the characters are all about 8 sweeps old; each either planning for their upcoming role in adult society or their hopes to escape it. Karkat Vantas, after spending a sweep in exile from the culling drones, has been hit harder by this age than anyone else.

"There was a certain order to Alternia and its people, one that hadn't been disrupted in hundreds and hundreds of sweeps. There was a way trolls were supposed run their lives; a way they were meant to be born and raised that had carried on as long as their species could recollect.

That was all knocked out of line by one sorry, unprecedented mutant."

edited 25th Feb '12 1:24:00 PM by ItLives

 
 54 Minister, Mon, 27th Feb '12 9:07:26 AM Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
Do Not Go Gentle
Name: The Soldier's Tale.

Genre: Military Fiction.

Synopsis: A cadre of Riflemen, criminals made into soldiers', are forced to survive in The Green, a colossal forest in which the violent Natives live. Cadre Sergeant Harfast is an old hand, made cold through experience. Marshal Dagners is a clinical, professional man forced to serve after brutally murdering his family. All around them is death, and only protocol and ferocity will get them another step. 12, 000 words.

Concerns: Flow, Characters, Prose.

edited 27th Feb '12 9:07:38 AM by Minister

It's your God, they're your rules, you go to hell." - Mark Twain
 55 Mukora, Thu, 22nd Mar '12 5:20:03 PM from a place Relationship Status: Love is an open door
Uniocular
  • Name: Pending (I was given the advice to not title a work until it's finished at an early age)
  • Medium: Novel, combination First-person/Third-person limited, unfinished early rough draft.
  • Genre: Fantasy/Western/(Some) Cosmic Horror
  • Length: Three chapters and a prologue currently, the lengths tend to vary
  • Concerns: Style, Characters, Pacing, Prose, a bit of everything.
  • Synopsis: Set in a world where cowboys with wide-brimmed hats and revolvers on their hips are nearly as common as knights with swords in their belts, the story follows Robert Dierkes as he tells a tale of the Rifts, mysterious gates into another dimension where nothing seems to make sense, Maria, a lady who seems all too eager to venture into the dangerous Ashlands where nothing lives except for insane raiders, and his journeys as he encounters outlaws, cannibals, monstrous beasts, and things beyond comprehension.

edited 22nd Mar '12 5:20:41 PM by Mukora

 56 Mr.Cales, Mon, 26th Mar '12 10:35:41 AM from Misty Mountains
One of the Nine
•Name: Elegant Darkness

•Medium: Third-person novel, tight focus on POV characters

•Genre: Renaissance-era Fantasy

•Length: Seventy-two pages, comfortable sending less

•Concerns: Pacing and Characterization

•Synopsis: The story is about a young Emperor who makes a deal to share his body with an almost impossibly ancient demon. Then he gets wrapped up not in a quest, but in a siege- a desperate defense to save one of the noble families of his kingdom from an ememy he does not know lies within. White and Gray and Black morality abounds, lots of questions about what is right and who should do what, and of course... what is it like to live forever? And do you regret?

It's also unedited as of now. That's why I need a beta reader. :D
STAND BACK! I TAKE LARGE STEPS!
 57 finchgeam, Tue, 8th May '12 5:41:10 PM from the Internet
Geam of Finch
Here goes nothing...

  • Name: Becoming God for Dummies
  • Genre: Fantasy, Comedy
  • Media: Web Serial Novel
  • Criticism: Everything is encouraged as long as it is there to help me.
  • Summary: Ravean at the day of his 18th birthday goes out into the world to look for a way to become a god, for it has been his life long dream. He meets up with a cat named Emelius, who was sent down by the universe to keep an eye on Ravean. Emelius thinks that Ravean is not the smartest tool in the shed. They go on a journey to fulfill Ravean's wish.

edited 8th May '12 5:41:29 PM by finchgeam

Carnie M.
Title: The Floating Castle

Genre: Adventure, Ontological Mystery, Characterization. (Yes, that last one counts as a genre. Shhhh.)

Medium: Literature; ongoing story to be updated once or twice a week, webcomic-style.

Synopsis:

There are a near-infinite number of worlds in the universe, folded and mashed and pressed and layered over and against one another, stretching on and on, and rarely does any one bleed over into another. And then, there is the World between Worlds: the unimaginably huge span of space known as the Great Sky. Islands and other structures are scattered here and there and everywhere, each with its own customs and strangenesses. Once, travel between them was commonplace, but for an incredibly large length of time (referred to by most, for the sake of convenience, as a thousand years) they have lost all contact with one another.

When sixty-four people from different worlds wake up one day on the four scattered sections of a massive, ruined floating castle, they must learn to work together from one day to the next to explore the islands of the Great Sky, find a way back to their respective homes, and survive; for the world between worlds is anything but friendly, and the Floating Castle is empty for a reason.

Preferred Criticism: As long as it's honest, polite, helpful, and specific, I'm game. Pretty much any good critique on any particular point will be appreciated, but the things I need help on the most are sentence structure, world-building, plothole-avoidance, and character development. World-building and character development are going to be tough in particular, because the story covers the arcs of at least sixty-four characters over the course of about five years, and almost all of them are from different worlds. Obviously you won't have to stick around the whole time or anything, but it's a huge, heavy-duty project with craptons of subplots and the like, so be prepared to be assaulted by an enormous barrage of ideas.

edited 9th May '12 2:55:51 PM by CarnivorousMoogle

Still working on Good Style, so bear with me.
 59 Dimanagul, Fri, 11th May '12 11:59:14 AM from Pittsburgh, PA
Library of useless facts
Dimanagul Book 1 — The Two Destroyers

• Genre: Fantasy

• Format: Novel, likely for online publishing.

• Time period: Medieval Equivalent World.

• Progress: Polished 100, 000 words over 40 Chapters

• Concerns: Need input on base story telling and character presentation. Checks for consistency. I only need particular chapters critiqued but all can be provided according to interest.

• The synopsis: Derrek Graymer finds himself in Gelbane, a land were the scars of war are fresh in the minds of it's people. He is a Dimanagul, or one without magic, among people that use it in their daily lives. It heralds him as an undead monster and the impending doom of the world. The truth comes in an ability to cheat death that seems to be connected to the world's Goddess of Luck.

  • Massive revisions have been applied to the novel since my last posting.

edited 13th Nov '12 1:43:16 PM by Dimanagul

All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
I've posted this a while before, but I'm an open critic for anyone who wants one. Send me a link to your stuff by PM, or send me what you've got on AIM. My AIM handle is the same as this one.

edited 28th May '12 9:29:19 AM by KingZeal

 61 sonofkong, Fri, 22nd Jun '12 11:05:39 PM from Out of Sight
_____ ∆ _____ ∆∆
Title: The Overman

Genre: Science Fiction, Speculative Fiction, Philosophy

Format: Novel, possibly a very psychadelic graphic novel

Setting: Part 1: 20 Minutes into the future, Part 2: Post-Apacolypse

Progress: In note form

Concerns: Does it have an audience? Is the protagonist too bland, whining, emo? Can the technology be handwaved? Are the references too much anvil dropping?

And Most importantly would you read it?

Long plot: In my story we open with our protagonist, Daniel Tell in a void. Frightened and wondering where he is, he is sat down by an old Freud looking man who introduces himself and puts him on a psychoanalytical couch as it were. He reveals that they are both inside the man's mind and he is cut off from all senses; Danny's been there for a while now. As he stays in there his memory will disapear, his mind will go and eventually all thoughts will be overtaken by disney acid trip distortions so the old man calms him by having him go over his life up to this point.

We then hear the story of a man down on his luck. He moves to either the mountains of eastern europe or a small town in the desert outside california (because there's obviously no difference) and meets a manic pixie girl named Bea who seems just too good to be true. They have a marvelous love affair before she asks one favor, that he help her a bit in her job as a qausi-legal scientist by volunteering for an experiment.

She then introduces him to her boss, Dr. Virgil who is an eccentric with local mannerisms (variable on location) on top of general callousness. He has a grand plan for essentially hypersleep in a machine named ALICE and over the next few months builds a pod which our protagonist will enter for a few weeks (months maybe?). In the chapters of anticipation the hero tries not to attach himself to the townsfolk and so always has a distant observation about him, all the while he treasures his life up to being in a very risky procedure and we are hinted as to the possible funding of this experiment (gangs? paramilitary? terrorist?)

Bea meanwhile sets up connections for her life without him and when Daniel discovers she is looking for another man at bars he goes into a rage and instead of taking the last few weeks of time for contemplation tells the doctor to hook him up.

Our hero is then introduced to the now complete ALICE (I'll make it stand for something), which is as ghettoized a hypersleep pod as can get. It is designed to encase the subject in a plastic bag, connected to tubes on the outside, drawing from an underground resorvoire and put sedatives in the brain and generally supply for al bodily functions with renewable energy. This machine highlights the backwards technology this obvious prototype is made from and is hidden under the guise and under the floorboards of a "clinic." He is hooked to the machine and for the first few months he is generally sedated. For reasons to be explained later they wear off and he finds him self fully alert for day after day after day of no sensory input.

He panics and we show pulp fiction-esque short stories from random points in his life right before the closest approximation i can write of someone snapping. He is then reborn as it were having no memory and a fresh state he invents a fun little "friend" to help him guide his way though the void he finds himself in. The only way he can gain memories is when he reveals them to the old man and we then go back to his confession having completed.

Now up to this point, we have had surreal random imagery, hallucinations and jumps in time, to the confusion of the character, and it has grown more frequent as the story progresses, more specifically in highly emotional times, but these could be hand waved as dreams. However after this we have a very psychadelic happenings. Some of the life stories are retold and blend together, sometimes giant animals and hilarious cameo cartoons pop in for no reason. Colors shift and eventually his vocabulary becomes stilted and limited. He forgets the details of what people look like, instead showing up as silluoetes before he is retelling his memories of his memories and is caught in a singularity. His memory of his entire life becomes basic, cartoonish and short before being repeated as a memory of a memory of a memory of a memory etc. and is caught being unable to remember anything. He then pulls a reverse decsartes, realizing that the only thing to exist is himself and remains calm, tranquil and meditative.

After years and years pass our hero is assaulted on all sides, he faces near blinding light, pain everywhere, machine noises which sound like concentrated pain. He gains some quota of perception the next morning and finds himself on top of a hilltop.

In part 2 which has a semi completed plot structure we awake with our switched protagonist with an average name (peter maybe?). Someone who awakes under similar circumstances. He is one of the first of hundreds of thousands who have been put in hypersleep, but have had no ill effects due to having full brain sedation. He awakes and is tended for by a post-apocalyptic village who is used to this sort of thing. They introduce him to the community unceremoniously and he gathers into a town meeting with the unraveling of a supposed messiah. Found in a cave in the mountains he has severe brain damage and is rambling prophetic mumbo jumbo and seems to dismiss anything he presents to him as insignificant. Peter is presented as a man from close to his time (They left about 30 years apart) and Daniel takes Peter in private as he makes a confession.

Daniel goes over his experience in ALICE and tells him he learned no great spiritual knowledge they attribute to him but instead became disillusioned with everything. There is nothing to tell them yet maybe Peter, someone with no stake in the matter, could help him make something out of it.

From this point on focus evens out between the two of them and the two are introduced to this world trying to protect this small independant outpost from a large expansionistic tech-based society, trying to stop conquering the surrounding villages and instead go under the banner of this (false) messiah to use these machines for furtherance and peace. All based off of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

Little things you may like:
  • When Daniel enters the machine he is promised to wake up to a shower and a shave. He eventually is shaved by a millennia old knife.
  • I can come up with quite a few interesting 2001 style acid trips.
  • The future society is quite interesting. I was always fascinated by the divide between ivory tower nobles and common peasants and this is made clear. The technological overlords entertaining the locals with essentially a stage magician is hilarious. (The magician is a funny character in his right.
  • There is a big internal debate over whether lying to these people is wrong.
  • Spoiler [[It was all a figment of his imagination]] Something clever I did was make certain character names represent certain parts of the psyche.
  • SYMBOLISM, there are references to dante, nietzsche, descartes, plato, lewis carrol, the bible, etc. For instance the real world represents heaven, purgatory represents purgatory, and the post-apocalypse is hell. Something I can say is fairly unique.

Things you might not like:

  • SYMBOLISM, there are references to dante, nietzsche, descartes, plato, lewis carrol, the bible, etc. For instance the real world represents heaven, purgatory represents purgatory, and the post-apocalypse is hell. Something one can say is trite.
  • The story is fairly convoluted but I try to make it episodic in a way, each chapter or two follows a different concept and there is a part division after he wakes up for a reason.
  • I am a bit new to prose. Might you throw some good references my way?

edited 22nd Jun '12 11:09:54 PM by sonofkong

Out of Mind
 62 Snowy Foxes, Sat, 23rd Jun '12 9:53:07 AM from ´ ಠ/// Д ///ಠ` Relationship Status: Heisenberg unreliable
Teehee.
Keep the actual synopsis short (two mid-size paragraphs max)

Anyone who needs grammar help with a work that has already grown to considerable length is free to PM me.

edited 23rd Jun '12 9:52:12 PM by SnowyFoxes

Detectives have bad posture because they always have a hunch about something.
 63 ATC, Fri, 29th Jun '12 5:57:42 PM from The Library of Kiev
Was Aliroz the Confused
In a time before humanity, there were great and magnificent beings.

These Gods, or Powers as they called themselves, were androgynous, shapeless beings at the time of our story, sans one. The Powers created many worlds and many universes, but our story takes place before the creation of most of them. Our story is mostly concerned with one universe, and one world: Ceatryn, the home of the Powers.

At Ceatryn, the Powers were getting drunk at a party, not with human beer, of course, but with the unpredictable chaos of the universe, which stewed forth from a cauldron. What few creations had been made by the Powers had complete understanding, and lived in a completely ordinary world because of the consumption of the universe’s chaos by the Powers.

Qvaste was a Power of Intellect. She had noticed that the universe’s chaos was increasing, and that someday it would overflow its cauldron. In an attempt to place a lid on the cauldron of chaos, she ended up falling in herself, and being completely covered in chaos and confusion.

In this befuddled state, Qvaste accidently created a creature sort of like herself: a creature with an intellect that could ask questions and gain knowledge. But because of her puzzled state, the creature ended up being unpredictable, ignorant, and imaginative. The creature was shaped with two hands and two feet, just like the preferred form of many of the Powers.

When Qvaste became sober and orderly, she attempted to destroy her creation, but was stopped by the pleas of another Power, called Helorrah, who was the Power of Love.

“Look at it, it’s so cute.” cried Helorrah. “I’ll take care of it, Qvaste, you’ll see. It won’t freeze to death, I’ll warm it up.” And so the creature gained the quality of love from its new caretaker.

Vom, the Power of Violence, borrowed the creature and gave it a violent quality, which actually saved the creature’s life several times.

Shortly thereafter, all the Powers had taken care of, gifted, and left an individual mark on the creature.

“Gaa goo goo gaa” said the creature, inadvertently giving the Powers the much better name of Gods.

“Maa naa maa na” said the creature, giving itself its name: Man.

edited 29th Jun '12 5:57:49 PM by ATC

If you want any of my avatars, just Pm me

I'd truly appreciate any avatar of a reptile sleeping in a Nice Hat

Read Elmer Kelton books
 64 Big Bad Bob, Tue, 3rd Jul '12 4:22:20 PM from Nowher(e)ville, NA
President of Nowherville
Alrighty.

It was a surprise to very few residents of Franklin, PA, that Jim Dale proved successful in his bid for the mayorship. Especially on Columbia Street, it had practically been a given that the boy who grew up in No. 26 would go on to run the town, having applied himself to doing so. The young, good-looking Penn graduate had always been the pride and joy of not just Terrence and Peggy Dale, but the entire six-street area around No. 26 that constituted Emerson Hill. What was surprising, was a clearly hungover Jim Dale announcing his resignation on the steps of the Franklin Police Station three years later.

He moves out of Franklin to his former Penn roommate's apartment in Philadelphia, intent on putting the fiasco of his mayorship behind him and getting back to the unbroken string of successes his life had been before it. Unfortunately, life does not work like that, and he continues to sink deeper into his budding alcoholism as his life refuses to "get back on track". This eventually makes him engage in serious self-analysis, trying desperately to see where everything went wrong. As it turns out, the answer is that it was no singular event, but rather a long chain of events, of things he's denied, insecurities he's suppressed, flaws he's let grow unhindered, and most of all, people he's lost.

Genre: Drama, Character Study, Historical Fiction (2008-2011, with flashbacks from the mid-80s to 2007)

What: Novel

Criticism: Technical mostly, Story and Characterization to some extent

Completeness: 3, 777 words at the time of posting, increasing rapid-ish

Awaiting your PM.

edited 3rd Jul '12 4:23:42 PM by BigBadBob

The impossible is a matter of imagination.
 65 peccantis, Sat, 21st Jul '12 2:37:31 AM Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
the flies will find you
Dearest friend,

Word may have reached you that the youngest of my brood, my dear son Nimon Margolion, left this earthly plane last month, before reaching his mature bloom, at the tender age of 44. In his last days, when all but the maddest of hopes had been lost to us, he overcame the deliriums of his fever to give his two last messages. The first was a greeting to the branch — the second the reason I now approach you at this time of tragedy.

  • Medium: one-on-one literary RPG invitation in letter form
  • Length: 500-700 words (yes, just hundreds)
  • Concerns: idiomatic language, fitting to context, style/register
  • Status: first letter of two is finished, the second is part done

For now I cannot use any form of IM, IRC or netpad, so communication will be limited to PM or email.

edited 21st Jul '12 2:54:38 AM by peccantis

before the darkness arrives
 66 Dark Soldier, Sat, 18th Aug '12 9:42:07 PM from Delta, BC, Canada Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
Rowin's Quest: The Arcanian Saga volume 1

Young blacksmith Rowin Baker wants to be a hero. He becomes the squire to the captain of the Royal Knights of Arcania, meeting new people along the way and quickly losing his ideals. He doesn't know that an old enemy of his king is building another army to attack his country. Rowin and his new master have to stop the crises that this old enemy is piling up to weaken the country before he marches.

  • Genre: Heroic fantasy
  • Format: Novel
  • Themes: Growth, maturation, tempering idealism with realism
  • Criticism: Pacing, scene-to-scene transition, characterization, worldbuilding
  • Length: roughly 31, 000 words at present separated into nine chapters

I have an almost pathological aversion to padding, so I don't know what I can add to enrich the narrative without bogging it down.
 67 Neko LLX, Sun, 2nd Sep '12 12:16:21 AM from Soviet America
Writer: Tokusatsu 5YrWar
Well shall we see if we can find a victim, I mean reader.

  • 'Name:' Substitute Magical Girl/Bushido: Way of the Warrior
  • 'Genre:' Magical Girl segueing into Action with Giant Monsters
  • 'What it is:' Book
  • 'What kind of criticism you're looking for:' I have tons of world details far more then is in the actual story I'd wager, What I'm interested in is making it a more compelling read. Did something stick out to you as underdeveloped or ill explained? Do it go to fast? To slow? I want to keep your attention without loosing you and answer any questions about the world that come to you naturally within the flow of the story.
  • 'How complete the work is:' SMG is complete in 12 chapters but serves as a sort of prolong for BWOTW, As if this writing BWOTW is only at chapter 4 of about 40 (or more) Chapters average 9 pages at a 12 point font of times new roman.

edited 2nd Sep '12 12:17:33 AM by NekoLLX

7 friends, a robot, and a spirit, will find a way to protect us...if it kills them.
 68 james 123182, Sun, 2nd Sep '12 1:52:43 PM from Umbertide, Italy
Title: for now it's "THE WARS OF THE FOUR KINGDOMS"

Genre: Kind of Fantasy, with some Historical Fiction (I don't know the name of the genre proper, but I know it exists)

Type: Novel

Synopsis: It's basically a retelling of the Viking invasions of England, but in a different world with a different history to that of ours. The main character joins his local lord's army to go on a large raid into an equivalent of Scotland, but the army is smashed by a combined Scottish and Viking army, which then invades the north. He is ordered by his lord, who dies shortly after the battle, to get the lord's family to the south, where they will be safe. Once he has done so he leads the army of the south in a battle which saves them from an invasion attempt by the vikings.

Progress: As yet Unfinished, around 30, 000 words.

Criticism wanted: General all round criticism, with focus on the characters and setting.

edited 22nd Jan '13 1:45:11 PM by james123182

 69 Jabrosky, Mon, 3rd Sep '12 1:26:52 PM from San Diego, CA
Madman
EDIT: NM, I'll post it elsewhere.

edited 3rd Sep '12 7:12:17 PM by Jabrosky

Genre: Fantasy, bit of sci fi Medium: novel Synopsis: This takes place in a world in which The Magic Comes Back. A prominent faction is the Aesir, who were the nordic aliens of ufo abduction stories. The main character is a grey, of the stereotypical alien in abduction stories.

He'll have to fight off the Aesir in a fantasy world that includes everything from floating landmasses to a country overrun by zombies. Defeating the Aesir reveals an Eldritch Abomination created when radiation was came in contact with magic. Criticism wanted: Story, world building

edited 27th Sep '12 11:58:33 PM by LinkandSheik

 71 Dimanagul, Tue, 13th Nov '12 1:42:17 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Library of useless facts
Two Hunters:

• Genre: Fantasy

• Format: Series of Short stories / Novella

• Time period: Medieval Equivalent World.

• Progress: 5 — 2, 000 word (average) short stories. May turn into a 50k word Novella.

• Concerns: Need input on base story telling and character presentation. Checks for consistency. I only need particular chapters critiqued but all can be provided according to interest.

• The synopsis: Nell Draadich, (a powerful fire magician) and Culvir Silverdark (a cunning rogue) are two of the most efficient hunters the Association has to offer. When the threat of a vampire lord hangs over the city of Terra they are assigned to work together. Their methods and mannerisms clash but they prove an effective team... perhaps something more than that?

— And of course I'm still looking for someone to critique chapters of my Novel.

edited 13th Nov '12 1:54:06 PM by Dimanagul

All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
 72 Frogger 5, Wed, 14th Nov '12 4:14:41 PM from Terra Incognita.
Ok, here goes...

A novel in progress, (the first of a planned trilogy) called: Across the Towering Borders

Genre: Sci-fi, with elements of fantasy and space western.

Progress: 24, 000 words, five chapters, with plenty more coming.

Synopsis: A seventeen year old boy wakes up in suburban Australia with no memories, except his name (Alex) and the usual information people need to live (Think, Bourne Identity.) He lives his life in lonely monotony, and the story begins when he is sent a package from aliens from another region in space. It contains a letter waning him that the Earth is going to end, and they offer to rescue him and take him to their solar system. Alex goes with them, lots of stuff happens that I can't explain in a paragraph, and he ends up leading an army to fight back against a plot that threatens his, and his friends new home.

Naturally, the story is lot more detailed than that. There are more plot devices, and his lack of memory does actually serve a purpose other than convenience.

Things I need help with: Well, first of all, I need to know if what I'm writing is any good or not. It would really help me out if I had a second brain to read my work and tell me the goods and bads. I feel pretty secure about the world building, but I'm uneasy about the quality of my writing, story progression, and characters.

Edit: I'm going away for a few days, so don't fret if I don't mail you back.

edited 14th Nov '12 11:51:59 PM by Frogger5

Wanna see the random crap I get up to? Me neither. http://jesseskwilliams.tumblr.com/
 73 Alma, Fri, 23rd Nov '12 10:32:18 AM from Coruscant Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
The Harbinger of Strange
Name: Dark Galaxy: The Quantum Demons

Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror

Media: Novel; currently around 55, 000 words.

Criticism:

- Flow in general. Do my paragraphs segue nicely from one to another? Does it feel natural?

- Dialogue

- Scientific plausibility. I'm aiming for a relatively hard sci-fi in spite of Magic Versus Science fencesitting where the villains are concerned. Fantastic technology features heavily in the novel, but I've tried my best to make it plausible. Example: A race of soldier aliens can survive decapitation through the use of advanced medical nanomachines. Let me know if anything's TOO far out.

- Pacing. This is a big one.

- Entertainment value

- Tense swapping. Previous readers of my work have noted I have a tendency to switch between tenses.

- Basically everything and anything, as this is my first attempt at a novel and I am very keen to improve and expand. The harshest of criticisms are welcome and encouraged.

Summary: The murder of an alien slowly reveals a plot by demonic extradimensional beings to take over the galaxy. All that stands in their way is the Protectorate, the sole spacefaring organization in the galaxy, which explores the stars through a network of artificial wormholes. "Aliens versus demons" is the basic theme.

What to expect:

- Bizarre Starfish Aliens as well as more familiar Humanoid Aliens

- Cosmic horror and gore. Those who don't like exceedingly dark and liberally-applied survival-horror style violence, perhaps best turn away.

- Space battles. Much attention has been/will be paid to the military structure of the Protectorate. (Tips on strategy would be appreciated.)

edited 23rd Nov '12 10:36:40 AM by Alma

You need an adult.
 74 Blue Ninja 0, Thu, 29th Nov '12 10:38:04 PM from The Middle of Nowhere Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Plotting my Escape
Beta reader(s) desired, mainly for catching my spelling/grammar mistakes, but also to point out where I am being less-than-clear and find potential plot holes.

GENRE: Action-Adventure / Space Thriller. Mega Crossover (1 for setting, 1 for villain, 6 for protagonists)

SYNOPSIS: A hostile AI has taken over Citadel Station, and six heroes from other times have been brought here to stop it. None of these heroes know each other, none of them know this world or its technology, and someone behind the scenes is a little too helpful with anonymous information on their task. Their only hope to return to their own times and worlds is to stop a megalomaniac machine that already has control over a space station the size of a city.

CURRENTLY: 4 chapters, 9200 words. Given my previous fanfic efforts, I expect it to hit at least 100k words.

Knowledge of the following is probably helpful, but not required: System Shock, Mass Effect, Harry Potter, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, High School Of The Dead, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Fallout: Equestria - Project Horizons, Greywalker.

CONTACT: PM to start with.

edited 26th Dec '12 9:27:15 AM by BlueNinja0

I'm going to get killed becuase some guy saw me walk out of a Subway eating a foot long shotgun - Mousa
 75 Xamusel, Mon, 3rd Dec '12 8:24:17 PM from Washington State
Gundam&anything good fan
Okay, may as well get this out of the way, considering that I'll need all the help I can get on this.

Gundam Wing: Reaper of the SEED

GENRE: Sci-Fi/Action-Adventure/Romance. Megacrossover (3 timelines used as settings so far, 2 others included into one of the settings, 1 on standby for the time being and more to be included as determined).

SYNOPSIS: The God of Death is both lucky and unlucky. The Sword of Freedom is the opposite of the Perfect Soldier. The God Sword is lost. Well... Can it get any worse for Duo?

CURRENTLY: Four chapters and a prologue, with chapter five being started now, currently totaling at 124, 092 words (not counting the fifth chapter). Given that this hasn't gotten at least a fifth of the way done, let's just safely guess somewhere in the millions of words by the time this is completed, and even then it might be split up.

It isn't entirely required, but it would be helpful if anyone that volunteers as an editor knows about the following: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam SEED, the Universal Century timeline (no specific trope page for that yet), the Nasuverse (I don't remember the right trope page for that one), Sekirei and whatever else comes down the road (potentially including Dragonaut: The Resonance)... oh, and anything military is a must at the moment, really.

CONTACT: PM me to start this off, then I'll go and inform my co-author, followed by me working with whoever wishes to help and my co-author on Google Docs.

edited 7th Dec '12 4:30:17 PM by Xamusel

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