The Draconic SuperiorAlright, here's a shot
edited 5th Feb '12 3:27:49 AM by draconiansuperior
Via Lunae Criticism Preferred: Thorough. Medium: Novel (currently incomplete rough draft). Updated with one chapter every one to two weeks. Genre: Fantasy, Adventure. Synopsis: A ritual wilderness trek has two women cross paths with a musician searching for his kidnapped girlfriend. Then they run into his girlfriend's sister, along with his girlfriend's sister's ace pilot best friend. Then they all rescue a young boy chased by a mysterious and violent man in black, and things get tangled from there.
edited 5th Feb '12 10:21:48 PM by Leradny
I need a beta reader for my fanfic exploits, present and possibly future. Mostly I need someone to help me check for logical errors and other weak points in the writing that aren't always easy to spot by yourself. If asked, I'd be happy to build a two-way street: you critique my back, I'll critique yours.
edited 25th Feb '12 1:24:00 PM by ItLives
Jolly Good ShowName: The Soldier's Tale. Genre: Military Fiction. Synopsis: A cadre of Riflemen, criminals made into soldiers', are forced to survive in The Green, a colossal forest in which the violent Natives live. Cadre Sergeant Harfast is an old hand, made cold through experience. Marshal Dagners is a clinical, professional man forced to serve after brutally murdering his family. All around them is death, and only protocol and ferocity will get them another step. 12, 000 words. Concerns: Flow, Characters, Prose.
edited 27th Feb '12 9:07:38 AM by Minister
It's your God, they're your rules, you go to hell." - Mark Twain
edited 22nd Mar '12 5:20:41 PM by Mukora
I realized my signature's been empty for a while. I should fix that.
One of the Nine•Name: Elegant Darkness •Medium: Third-person novel, tight focus on POV characters •Genre: Renaissance-era Fantasy •Length: Seventy-two pages, comfortable sending less •Concerns: Pacing and Characterization •Synopsis: The story is about a young Emperor who makes a deal to share his body with an almost impossibly ancient demon. Then he gets wrapped up not in a quest, but in a siege- a desperate defense to save one of the noble families of his kingdom from an ememy he does not know lies within. White and Gray and Black morality abounds, lots of questions about what is right and who should do what, and of course... what is it like to live forever? And do you regret? It's also unedited as of now. That's why I need a beta reader. :D
STAND BACK! I TAKE LARGE STEPS!
Geam of FinchHere goes nothing...
edited 8th May '12 5:41:29 PM by finchgeam
Carnie M.Title: The Floating Castle Genre: Adventure, Ontological Mystery, Characterization. (Yes, that last one counts as a genre. Shhhh.) Medium: Literature; ongoing story to be updated once or twice a week, webcomic-style. Synopsis: There are a near-infinite number of worlds in the universe, folded and mashed and pressed and layered over and against one another, stretching on and on, and rarely does any one bleed over into another. And then, there is the World between Worlds: the unimaginably huge span of space known as the Great Sky. Islands and other structures are scattered here and there and everywhere, each with its own customs and strangenesses. Once, travel between them was commonplace, but for an incredibly large length of time (referred to by most, for the sake of convenience, as a thousand years) they have lost all contact with one another. When sixty-four people from different worlds wake up one day on the four scattered sections of a massive, ruined floating castle, they must learn to work together from one day to the next to explore the islands of the Great Sky, find a way back to their respective homes, and survive; for the world between worlds is anything but friendly, and the Floating Castle is empty for a reason. Preferred Criticism: As long as it's honest, polite, helpful, and specific, I'm game. Pretty much any good critique on any particular point will be appreciated, but the things I need help on the most are sentence structure, world-building, plothole-avoidance, and character development. World-building and character development are going to be tough in particular, because the story covers the arcs of at least sixty-four characters over the course of about five years, and almost all of them are from different worlds. Obviously you won't have to stick around the whole time or anything, but it's a huge, heavy-duty project with craptons of subplots and the like, so be prepared to be assaulted by an enormous barrage of ideas.
edited 9th May '12 2:55:51 PM by CarnivorousMoogle
Still working on Good Style, so bear with me.
Library of useless factsDimanagul Book 1 — The Two Destroyers • Genre: Fantasy • Format: Novel, likely for online publishing. • Time period: Medieval Equivalent World. • Progress: Polished 100, 000 words over 40 Chapters • Concerns: Need input on base story telling and character presentation. Checks for consistency. I only need particular chapters critiqued but all can be provided according to interest. • The synopsis: Derrek Graymer finds himself in Gelbane, a land were the scars of war are fresh in the minds of it's people. He is a Dimanagul, or one without magic, among people that use it in their daily lives. It heralds him as an undead monster and the impending doom of the world. The truth comes in an ability to cheat death that seems to be connected to the world's Goddess of Luck.
edited 13th Nov '12 1:43:16 PM by Dimanagul
All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
Tali'Shepard Vas Normandy-RannochI've posted this a while before, but I'm an open critic for anyone who wants one. Send me a link to your stuff by PM, or send me what you've got on AIM. My AIM handle is the same as this one.
edited 28th May '12 9:29:19 AM by KingZeal
Per-fec-tion: -n- an exemplification of supreme excellence; an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence (see also: King Zeal)
_____ ∆ _____ ∆∆Title: The Overman Genre: Science Fiction, Speculative Fiction, Philosophy Format: Novel, possibly a very psychadelic graphic novel Setting: Part 1: 20 Minutes into the future, Part 2: Post-Apacolypse Progress: In note form Concerns: Does it have an audience? Is the protagonist too bland, whining, emo? Can the technology be handwaved? Are the references too much anvil dropping? And Most importantly would you read it? Long plot: In my story we open with our protagonist, Daniel Tell in a void. Frightened and wondering where he is, he is sat down by an old Freud looking man who introduces himself and puts him on a psychoanalytical couch as it were. He reveals that they are both inside the man's mind and he is cut off from all senses; Danny's been there for a while now. As he stays in there his memory will disapear, his mind will go and eventually all thoughts will be overtaken by disney acid trip distortions so the old man calms him by having him go over his life up to this point. We then hear the story of a man down on his luck. He moves to either the mountains of eastern europe or a small town in the desert outside california (because there's obviously no difference) and meets a manic pixie girl named Bea who seems just too good to be true. They have a marvelous love affair before she asks one favor, that he help her a bit in her job as a qausi-legal scientist by volunteering for an experiment. She then introduces him to her boss, Dr. Virgil who is an eccentric with local mannerisms (variable on location) on top of general callousness. He has a grand plan for essentially hypersleep in a machine named ALICE and over the next few months builds a pod which our protagonist will enter for a few weeks (months maybe?). In the chapters of anticipation the hero tries not to attach himself to the townsfolk and so always has a distant observation about him, all the while he treasures his life up to being in a very risky procedure and we are hinted as to the possible funding of this experiment (gangs? paramilitary? terrorist?) Bea meanwhile sets up connections for her life without him and when Daniel discovers she is looking for another man at bars he goes into a rage and instead of taking the last few weeks of time for contemplation tells the doctor to hook him up. Our hero is then introduced to the now complete ALICE (I'll make it stand for something), which is as ghettoized a hypersleep pod as can get. It is designed to encase the subject in a plastic bag, connected to tubes on the outside, drawing from an underground resorvoire and put sedatives in the brain and generally supply for al bodily functions with renewable energy. This machine highlights the backwards technology this obvious prototype is made from and is hidden under the guise and under the floorboards of a "clinic." He is hooked to the machine and for the first few months he is generally sedated. For reasons to be explained later they wear off and he finds him self fully alert for day after day after day of no sensory input. He panics and we show pulp fiction-esque short stories from random points in his life right before the closest approximation i can write of someone snapping. He is then reborn as it were having no memory and a fresh state he invents a fun little "friend" to help him guide his way though the void he finds himself in. The only way he can gain memories is when he reveals them to the old man and we then go back to his confession having completed. Now up to this point, we have had surreal random imagery, hallucinations and jumps in time, to the confusion of the character, and it has grown more frequent as the story progresses, more specifically in highly emotional times, but these could be hand waved as dreams. However after this we have a very psychadelic happenings. Some of the life stories are retold and blend together, sometimes giant animals and hilarious cameo cartoons pop in for no reason. Colors shift and eventually his vocabulary becomes stilted and limited. He forgets the details of what people look like, instead showing up as silluoetes before he is retelling his memories of his memories and is caught in a singularity. His memory of his entire life becomes basic, cartoonish and short before being repeated as a memory of a memory of a memory of a memory etc. and is caught being unable to remember anything. He then pulls a reverse decsartes, realizing that the only thing to exist is himself and remains calm, tranquil and meditative. After years and years pass our hero is assaulted on all sides, he faces near blinding light, pain everywhere, machine noises which sound like concentrated pain. He gains some quota of perception the next morning and finds himself on top of a hilltop. In part 2 which has a semi completed plot structure we awake with our switched protagonist with an average name (peter maybe?). Someone who awakes under similar circumstances. He is one of the first of hundreds of thousands who have been put in hypersleep, but have had no ill effects due to having full brain sedation. He awakes and is tended for by a post-apocalyptic village who is used to this sort of thing. They introduce him to the community unceremoniously and he gathers into a town meeting with the unraveling of a supposed messiah. Found in a cave in the mountains he has severe brain damage and is rambling prophetic mumbo jumbo and seems to dismiss anything he presents to him as insignificant. Peter is presented as a man from close to his time (They left about 30 years apart) and Daniel takes Peter in private as he makes a confession. Daniel goes over his experience in ALICE and tells him he learned no great spiritual knowledge they attribute to him but instead became disillusioned with everything. There is nothing to tell them yet maybe Peter, someone with no stake in the matter, could help him make something out of it. From this point on focus evens out between the two of them and the two are introduced to this world trying to protect this small independant outpost from a large expansionistic tech-based society, trying to stop conquering the surrounding villages and instead go under the banner of this (false) messiah to use these machines for furtherance and peace. All based off of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Little things you may like:
edited 22nd Jun '12 11:09:54 PM by sonofkong
Out of Mind
Tee hee hee.
Keep the actual synopsis short (two mid-size paragraphs max)Anyone who needs grammar help with a work that has already grown to considerable length is free to PM me.
edited 23rd Jun '12 9:52:12 PM by SnowyFoxes
Life was simpler when I thought I was a cat. Wattpad
Was Aliroz the ConfusedIn a time before humanity, there were great and magnificent beings. These Gods, or Powers as they called themselves, were androgynous, shapeless beings at the time of our story, sans one. The Powers created many worlds and many universes, but our story takes place before the creation of most of them. Our story is mostly concerned with one universe, and one world: Ceatryn, the home of the Powers. At Ceatryn, the Powers were getting drunk at a party, not with human beer, of course, but with the unpredictable chaos of the universe, which stewed forth from a cauldron. What few creations had been made by the Powers had complete understanding, and lived in a completely ordinary world because of the consumption of the universe’s chaos by the Powers. Qvaste was a Power of Intellect. She had noticed that the universe’s chaos was increasing, and that someday it would overflow its cauldron. In an attempt to place a lid on the cauldron of chaos, she ended up falling in herself, and being completely covered in chaos and confusion. In this befuddled state, Qvaste accidently created a creature sort of like herself: a creature with an intellect that could ask questions and gain knowledge. But because of her puzzled state, the creature ended up being unpredictable, ignorant, and imaginative. The creature was shaped with two hands and two feet, just like the preferred form of many of the Powers. When Qvaste became sober and orderly, she attempted to destroy her creation, but was stopped by the pleas of another Power, called Helorrah, who was the Power of Love. “Look at it, it’s so cute.” cried Helorrah. “I’ll take care of it, Qvaste, you’ll see. It won’t freeze to death, I’ll warm it up.” And so the creature gained the quality of love from its new caretaker. Vom, the Power of Violence, borrowed the creature and gave it a violent quality, which actually saved the creature’s life several times. Shortly thereafter, all the Powers had taken care of, gifted, and left an individual mark on the creature. “Gaa goo goo gaa” said the creature, inadvertently giving the Powers the much better name of Gods. “Maa naa maa na” said the creature, giving itself its name: Man.
edited 29th Jun '12 5:57:49 PM by ATC
If you want any of my avatars, just Pm me I'd truly appreciate any avatar of a reptile sleeping in a Nice Hat Read Elmer Kelton books
President of NowhervilleAlrighty. It was a surprise to very few residents of Franklin, PA, that Jim Dale proved successful in his bid for the mayorship. Especially on Columbia Street, it had practically been a given that the boy who grew up in No. 26 would go on to run the town, having applied himself to doing so. The young, good-looking Penn graduate had always been the pride and joy of not just Terrence and Peggy Dale, but the entire six-street area around No. 26 that constituted Emerson Hill. What was surprising, was a clearly hungover Jim Dale announcing his resignation on the steps of the Franklin Police Station three years later. He moves out of Franklin to his former Penn roommate's apartment in Philadelphia, intent on putting the fiasco of his mayorship behind him and getting back to the unbroken string of successes his life had been before it. Unfortunately, life does not work like that, and he continues to sink deeper into his budding alcoholism as his life refuses to "get back on track". This eventually makes him engage in serious self-analysis, trying desperately to see where everything went wrong. As it turns out, the answer is that it was no singular event, but rather a long chain of events, of things he's denied, insecurities he's suppressed, flaws he's let grow unhindered, and most of all, people he's lost. Genre: Drama, Character Study, Historical Fiction (2008-2011, with flashbacks from the mid-80s to 2007) What: Novel Criticism: Technical mostly, Story and Characterization to some extent Completeness: 3, 777 words at the time of posting, increasing rapid-ish Awaiting your PM.
edited 3rd Jul '12 4:23:42 PM by BigBadBob
The impossible is a matter of imagination.
the flies will find youDearest friend, Word may have reached you that the youngest of my brood, my dear son Nimon Margolion, left this earthly plane last month, before reaching his mature bloom, at the tender age of 44. In his last days, when all but the maddest of hopes had been lost to us, he overcame the deliriums of his fever to give his two last messages. The first was a greeting to the branch — the second the reason I now approach you at this time of tragedy.
edited 21st Jul '12 2:54:38 AM by peccantis
before the darkness arrives
Rowin's Quest: The Arcanian Saga volume 1 Young blacksmith Rowin Baker wants to be a hero. He becomes the squire to the captain of the Royal Knights of Arcania, meeting new people along the way and quickly losing his ideals. He doesn't know that an old enemy of his king is building another army to attack his country. Rowin and his new master have to stop the crises that this old enemy is piling up to weaken the country before he marches.
Writer: Tokusatsu 5YrWarWell shall we see if we can find a victim, I mean reader.
edited 2nd Sep '12 12:17:33 AM by NekoLLX
7 friends, a robot, and a spirit, will find a way to protect us...if it kills them.
Title: for now it's "THE WARS OF THE FOUR KINGDOMS" Genre: Kind of Fantasy, with some Historical Fiction (I don't know the name of the genre proper, but I know it exists) Type: Novel Synopsis: It's basically a retelling of the Viking invasions of England, but in a different world with a different history to that of ours. The main character joins his local lord's army to go on a large raid into an equivalent of Scotland, but the army is smashed by a combined Scottish and Viking army, which then invades the north. He is ordered by his lord, who dies shortly after the battle, to get the lord's family to the south, where they will be safe. Once he has done so he leads the army of the south in a battle which saves them from an invasion attempt by the vikings. Progress: As yet Unfinished, around 30, 000 words. Criticism wanted: General all round criticism, with focus on the characters and setting.
edited 22nd Jan '13 1:45:11 PM by james123182
MadmanEDIT: NM, I'll post it elsewhere.
edited 3rd Sep '12 7:12:17 PM by Jabrosky
Genre: Fantasy, bit of sci fi Medium: novel Synopsis: This takes place in a world in which The Magic Comes Back. A prominent faction is the Aesir, who were the nordic aliens of ufo abduction stories. The main character is a grey, of the stereotypical alien in abduction stories. He'll have to fight off the Aesir in a fantasy world that includes everything from floating landmasses to a country overrun by zombies. Defeating the Aesir reveals an Eldritch Abomination created when radiation was came in contact with magic. Criticism wanted: Story, world building
edited 27th Sep '12 11:58:33 PM by LinkandSheik
Library of useless factsTwo Hunters: • Genre: Fantasy • Format: Series of Short stories / Novella • Time period: Medieval Equivalent World. • Progress: 5 — 2, 000 word (average) short stories. May turn into a 50k word Novella. • Concerns: Need input on base story telling and character presentation. Checks for consistency. I only need particular chapters critiqued but all can be provided according to interest. • The synopsis: Nell Draadich, (a powerful fire magician) and Culvir Silverdark (a cunning rogue) are two of the most efficient hunters the Association has to offer. When the threat of a vampire lord hangs over the city of Terra they are assigned to work together. Their methods and mannerisms clash but they prove an effective team... perhaps something more than that? — And of course I'm still looking for someone to critique chapters of my Novel.
edited 13th Nov '12 1:54:06 PM by Dimanagul
All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
Ok, here goes... A novel in progress, (the first of a planned trilogy) called: Across the Towering Borders Genre: Sci-fi, with elements of fantasy and space western. Progress: 24, 000 words, five chapters, with plenty more coming. Synopsis: A seventeen year old boy wakes up in suburban Australia with no memories, except his name (Alex) and the usual information people need to live (Think, Bourne Identity.) He lives his life in lonely monotony, and the story begins when he is sent a package from aliens from another region in space. It contains a letter waning him that the Earth is going to end, and they offer to rescue him and take him to their solar system. Alex goes with them, lots of stuff happens that I can't explain in a paragraph, and he ends up leading an army to fight back against a plot that threatens his, and his friends new home. Naturally, the story is lot more detailed than that. There are more plot devices, and his lack of memory does actually serve a purpose other than convenience. Things I need help with: Well, first of all, I need to know if what I'm writing is any good or not. It would really help me out if I had a second brain to read my work and tell me the goods and bads. I feel pretty secure about the world building, but I'm uneasy about the quality of my writing, story progression, and characters. Edit: I'm going away for a few days, so don't fret if I don't mail you back.
edited 14th Nov '12 11:51:59 PM by Frogger5
Wanna see the random crap I get up to? Me neither. http://jesseskwilliams.tumblr.com/
The Harbinger of StrangeName: Dark Galaxy: The Quantum Demons Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror Media: Novel; currently around 55, 000 words. Criticism: - Flow in general. Do my paragraphs segue nicely from one to another? Does it feel natural? - Dialogue - Scientific plausibility. I'm aiming for a relatively hard sci-fi in spite of Magic Versus Science fencesitting where the villains are concerned. Fantastic technology features heavily in the novel, but I've tried my best to make it plausible. Example: A race of soldier aliens can survive decapitation through the use of advanced medical nanomachines. Let me know if anything's TOO far out. - Pacing. This is a big one. - Entertainment value - Tense swapping. Previous readers of my work have noted I have a tendency to switch between tenses. - Basically everything and anything, as this is my first attempt at a novel and I am very keen to improve and expand. The harshest of criticisms are welcome and encouraged. Summary: The murder of an alien slowly reveals a plot by demonic extradimensional beings to take over the galaxy. All that stands in their way is the Protectorate, the sole spacefaring organization in the galaxy, which explores the stars through a network of artificial wormholes. "Aliens versus demons" is the basic theme. What to expect: - Bizarre Starfish Aliens as well as more familiar Humanoid Aliens - Cosmic horror and gore. Those who don't like exceedingly dark and liberally-applied survival-horror style violence, perhaps best turn away. - Space battles. Much attention has been/will be paid to the military structure of the Protectorate. (Tips on strategy would be appreciated.)
edited 23rd Nov '12 10:36:40 AM by Alma
You need an adult.
Laboriously re-writing my storyBeta reader(s) desired, mainly for catching my spelling/grammar mistakes, but also to point out where I am being less-than-clear and find potential plot holes. GENRE: Action-Adventure / Space Thriller. Mega Crossover (1 for setting, 1 for villain, 6 for protagonists) SYNOPSIS: A hostile AI has taken over Citadel Station, and six heroes from other times have been brought here to stop it. None of these heroes know each other, none of them know this world or its technology, and someone behind the scenes is a little too helpful with anonymous information on their task. Their only hope to return to their own times and worlds is to stop a megalomaniac machine that already has control over a space station the size of a city. CURRENTLY: 4 chapters, 9200 words. Given my previous fanfic efforts, I expect it to hit at least 100k words. Knowledge of the following is probably helpful, but not required: System Shock, Mass Effect, Harry Potter, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, High School Of The Dead, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Fallout: Equestria - Project Horizons, Greywalker. CONTACT: PM to start with.
edited 26th Dec '12 9:27:15 AM by BlueNinja0
Once the avalanche has started, it is too late for the pebbles to cast their vote. - Ambassador Kosh
Gundam&anything good fanOkay, may as well get this out of the way, considering that I'll need all the help I can get on this. Gundam Wing: Reaper of the SEED GENRE: Sci-Fi/Action-Adventure/Romance. Megacrossover (3 timelines used as settings so far, 2 others included into one of the settings, 1 on standby for the time being and more to be included as determined). SYNOPSIS: The God of Death is both lucky and unlucky. The Sword of Freedom is the opposite of the Perfect Soldier. The God Sword is lost. Well... Can it get any worse for Duo? CURRENTLY: Four chapters and a prologue, with chapter five being started now, currently totaling at 124, 092 words (not counting the fifth chapter). Given that this hasn't gotten at least a fifth of the way done, let's just safely guess somewhere in the millions of words by the time this is completed, and even then it might be split up. It isn't entirely required, but it would be helpful if anyone that volunteers as an editor knows about the following: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam SEED, the Universal Century timeline (no specific trope page for that yet), the Nasuverse (I don't remember the right trope page for that one), Sekirei and whatever else comes down the road (potentially including Dragonaut: The Resonance)... oh, and anything military is a must at the moment, really. CONTACT: PM me to start this off, then I'll go and inform my co-author, followed by me working with whoever wishes to help and my co-author on Google Docs.
edited 7th Dec '12 4:30:17 PM by Xamusel
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