We are making jokes around SCP-504

result: 504 flings itself at 35mph and collides with our comedian's nose

test: a sword shaped apple shows up in the middle of April, and a gardener says, "hey, I was just about to propose to her!"

Result: No reaction from 504

Test: A police chief presented a case about a missing race horse. The detective said "I'll get on it immediately."

result: 40 mph, contact with nose. no injuries found.

test: i got a metal pole from an alien. its a SPACE BAR. (DUN) and i got wine, from a SPACE BAR. (DUNNN) and i have a laptop too.
WITH A SPACE BAR. (DUNNN)

Result: 3 explosions. 1st traveled at 30 miles an hour, hit subject's nose. 2nd traveled at 40 MPH, hit subject's abdomen. 3rd traveled at 50, broketester'slaptop,whichiswhythelastfewwordslooksoweird.

Test: A man walks into a bar and notices three pieces of raw beef hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what gives?" and the bartender explains "well, if you jump off your seat and touch one of them, you get free beers for the night, but if you jump and miss, you have to buy a round for everyone else. Wanna try?" The man replies "Nah. The steaks are too high."

result: 80 mph, to the face, minor injury to the nose

(first post here okay, i tried)

test: So where's the best place to openly admit that you ship "Twilight Sparkle X Sunset Shimmer"?

Under the "Sunlight"!!

Result: Tomatoes went at mach-9, decimating the researcher’s face.

Test: “How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie in it!”

Result: Tomato clocked at 168 mph right into the subject's nostril. Nose obliterated.

Test: Why did the conservative not use his new ointment? It said "apply liberally"!

Result: Tomato clocked at 48 MPH, impacting subject's pelvis, drenching a stolen ten dollar bill. No lasting damage. Footage shows tomato seemed to burst right before impact, possibly to cover more area.

Test: This extremely long joke.

result: 504 seems to have disappeared, along with the entirety of the subject's body. during the joke, 504 seems to vibrate at increasingly high frequencies, similar to a common gesture humans make when angered.

test: 'one day, someone tried to light a fire, but ended up lighting themselves up instead. guess you can say that.. back-FIRE-d.'

Edited by Awe921 on Nov 29th 2019 at 12:53:05 PM

Result: One of the tomatoes launched it self at [REDACTED] miles, igniting itself and inflicting burns to the tester.

Test: Why are undead burglars so successful? They all have skeleton keys.

Result: One tomato clocked at 111 m/s.

Test: A computer playing a recording of The Ugly Barnacle.

Transcript: "Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End."

Result: SCP-504 clocked at normal throwing speeds, computer was unharmed minus some tomato debris.

Test: "A dwarf who was a mystic escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

Edited by sifsand on Nov 29th 2019 at 11:03:21 AM

result: 100 mph, fractures ranging from minor to major at impact point.

test: i died while taking a dump. well shit.

Result: Long beat, followed by 504 just falling off the vine and landing in a suspiciously-shaped fountain. Odor unpleasant.

Test: "Did you hear? David lost his ID in Prague. Now we just have to call him 'Dav'."

result: 504 clocked at 100 mph. injuries were prevented by the user's access card, which was damaged severely.

test: exposing SCP-504 to viral video called ASDFMovie.

The first joke results in the tomatoes launching into the laptop the video was shown at 150 MPH destroying it.

Joke: What did one ant say to the other ant?

Nothing.

Ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.