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Asexuality in general
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Asexuality in general:

 151 Mr AHR, Wed, 25th May '11 3:22:02 AM from ಠ_ಠ Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
So, since this thread is here, question for the asexual folks, For SCIENCE.

Is there any degree of "this person is attractive looking" in it? Maybe not sexually, but if you saw your partner all gussied up and stuff, would you get warm and fuzzy feelings or would it be more of "oh, you look nice today"?

edited 25th May '11 3:23:14 AM by MrAHR

 152 Loni Jay, Wed, 25th May '11 3:23:47 AM from Australia Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
I think asexual people can have a purely asthetic appreciation for people's looks. I'm not sure about 'warm and fuzzy feelings', but they can notice when a person looks attractive.
Be not afraid...
 153 Mr AHR, Wed, 25th May '11 3:24:38 AM from ಠ_ಠ Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
Well, by warm and fuzzy feelings, I'm basically referring to the "romantic" part having any effect on it.

If that makes sense.
Brain Girl
[up] I think what you're getting at is the separation of sexual attraction and romantic attraction, and whether asexuals can have their romantic attraction influenced by physical appearance. Is that right?

So: when you see your SO looking particularly good, a sexual reaction might be "they look so hot right now", but you could also have a romantic response of something like "they're so beautiful, I'm so proud to be with them, I love them so much".

My understanding is that (at least some) asexuals can have an aesthetic appreciation of physical beauty without this being tied to their sexuality. I think.
Now I've got this image of Robin's secret childhood love affair with Mr. T. - Idler 20
Pretty much. I still have aesthetic preferences, and physical attractiveness still plays a role in whether I'm interested in an individual or not.
 
 156 Edmania, Wed, 25th May '11 8:56:38 AM from under a pile of erasers
o hai
Is there any degree of "this person is attractive looking" in it? Maybe not sexually, but if you saw your partner all gussied up and stuff, would you get warm and fuzzy feelings or would it be more of "oh, you look nice today"?

See this.

Now imagine my girlfriend crossdressing as him.

Now imagine me getting far more shy than usual around her, to the extent of moving more slowly.

As for just dressing nicely in general, well my girlfriend does that almost all the time anyway, so...
If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
Please don't take this personaly or as a form of ofence, I'm seriously interested in the anwser but, besides the fact that as you said you tend to speak about personal stuff in casual conversations, why would someone need to know that you're asexual? I understand if someone asked you directly and you said "I'm asexual", but in the situation that someone asked you out why would you need to answer with something other than "no thanks"? (I understand that chances are the person will then ask why, but that's besides the point).

If someone comes on to me, I don't want to just say 'not interested' because I'm worried they'll think 'oh, she thinks I'm unattractive or something' and have their feelings hurt. So instead I explain about asexuality to make it clear that it's nothing personal to them, I'm never interested in that sort of thing.

Also, I'm fascinated by psychology topics and love to describe psychological quirks to people, in the same way that fans of a show like to describe the show they're interested in.

For me sexual-drive means you have the hots for someone (tough it doesn't necesarily involve genitalia, the act of kissing someone is a sexual act), so I consider asexuality to not feel the need to kiss, hug or any other form of physical contact (which is not to say you avoid it, just that you don't seek it).

I like to hug and cuddle (but not kiss) my Mom, and will often sit on her lap or next to her. That doesn't mean I have an incestuous relationship with her.

Is there any degree of "this person is attractive looking" in it? Maybe not sexually, but if you saw your partner all gussied up and stuff, would you get warm and fuzzy feelings or would it be more of "oh, you look nice today"?

I can find people attractive. I don't really feel any strong reaction or act any differently, but I find looking at them pleasing. It's exactly the same as how I like the look of some artwork or whatever.
If I'm asking for advice on a story idea, don't tell me it can't be done.
Anything but artist
@Miijhal The coitus itself fullfills something other than a sexual desire, while it is physically pleasant, people don't have sex with just anyone (even the ones who claim they do).

For example, let's say you have sex with your girlfriend, chances are either of the two where feeling like the relationship was swallow and the other could dump him/her at any time, but the act of having sex gives him/her some feeling of security.

Now, I'm not saying all relationships work like that (in fact, most don't, this is just an example of how it might work), nor am I saying that the feeling of security is acurate, but in this example the sexual act represents something else than just "getting laid".

Under that hipotesis, none of our acts EVER are sexual, because there's always something else, but that also means that sexual acts (like kissing) can still be a form of sexuality while holding a different meaning.
I'm not a native english speaker, please forgive my bad grammar and misspells.
Well, yes, people do get things out of sex other than the direct pleasure of getting their jollies off. Which is why there are asexual individuals who will have sex. They may not enjoy it on the sexual level, but the act of pleasing ones partner and being close to them is still pleasant.

And your last statement doesn't really follow. Can be not sexual=/=Cannot be sexual.

edited 26th May '11 4:50:59 AM by Miijhal

 
 160 MRDA 1981, Thu, 26th May '11 9:38:38 AM from Hell (London), UK.
Tyrannicidal Maniac
Asexual: the way I wish I were configured.

Oh, well, I guess...
 161 Jiven, Thu, 26th May '11 12:18:56 PM from Strasbourg
French Wanderer
The only true asexual I know can appreciate a good-looking (or, as he says, charming) person, but he will never be something physical, only an intellectual appreciation.
Bunny Ears Developer
 162 Jeysie, Thu, 26th May '11 12:24:27 PM from Western Massachusetts
Diva of Virtual Death
Well, on the one hand, I can definitely understand having aesthetic attraction without sexual attraction, as I experience that regularly myself despite being decidedly not asexual.

On the other hand, I have no desire to do anything romantic with someone I'm not sexually attracted to, including things like intimate-level kissing. So that part I find a bit harder to wrap my head around. I've kissed people I wasn't fully attracted to, and it felt pretty uninteresting and boring, compared to when I kissed someone I was fully attracted to.
Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)
 163 Keybreak, Fri, 11th Apr '14 11:40:03 PM from amid it all Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Stasis
So, in my habit of trying to intellectually better myself (and necromancing conversations that other people have long abandoned), I come here in search of answers from anyone still hanging onto the thread.

Somehow, whenever I talk about asexuality, I tend to anger any asexuals nearby. Which may just be a misunderstanding on my part, but words these days have too many meanings and people get mad if you use any offensive ones.

My present understanding of asexual is: A person who is not physically attracted to any sex, but can still feel romantic attraction. And if they are, they branch off into heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, et al...

But I was never sure if asexuals just can't feel sexual attraction? Because I thought I read about some who have sex anyway, but they just don't care for it. So, which is right...

edited 11th Apr '14 11:40:41 PM by Keybreak

I would rather fail in my own way than succeed by someone else's.
Euo will do!
[up]There is a spectrum within people who are asexual. Some don't dig romance (note: romance — cuddles, being with somebody, the giggles and silly stuff that comes with being in a couple: you don't need to be into sex to have a need to share your life). Others do. Some can't conceive of ever wishing to have sex, whatever the reason they might get the chance to. Others take part in relationships where sex happens (without actually feeling like sexual creatures, if you get the distinction).

Whatever your stripe, sex for a lot of us is an intellectual affair. We can get sexy... but desperately need a reason beyond "wow: you look good!" and it's rare to find an asexual who will start sex: we generally need a hint with the power of a sledgehammer behind it — or something like thinking "it's his/her birthday: better try getting the seduction thing on" or "I can't leave it up to him/her all the time: that's hardly fair". And, quite a lot of a running jump — we need quite a lot of cranking with foreplay. Falling in sudden lust from a look or single interaction? Is totally alien. -_- We just don't grok it, mainly because something about us makes us unable to do that — that is across the board, no matter which stripe of Ace you are.

Another thing that is common: masturbation. We generally don't get the point. It's like trying to tickle yourself, people, for crying out loud! What's the big deal? (General reactions.) wink Some of us can find a kick in it (but, a much reduced one, going by comparison shopping). But, generally speaking... nope. You'll not find sex toys in an asexual's bedroom. Unless they're there for other people or were given as gifts. Odds are, they're gathering dust if they are there, whatever the reason. Even with a partner who is enthusiastic to play with toys, the asexual response is usually "but, why?!".

edited 12th Apr '14 12:18:47 AM by Euodiachloris

"When all else failed, she tried being reasonable." ~ Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb
 165 Keybreak, Sat, 12th Apr '14 12:18:29 AM from amid it all Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Stasis
Sounds so numb...

But I guess it's just as easy as saying "No thank you."
I would rather fail in my own way than succeed by someone else's.
Euo will do!
[up]Wouldn't know. Don't care if it is. We have plenty of other emotions to be getting on with, thank you: why should we worry about sex being a Big Thing? When it isn't? (Well, for us: for others, it seems to be — even when it makes their lives hell.)

Don't worry: we find enough hells of our own. [lol]

edited 12th Apr '14 12:21:16 AM by Euodiachloris

"When all else failed, she tried being reasonable." ~ Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb
 167 Keybreak, Sat, 12th Apr '14 12:23:41 AM from amid it all Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Stasis
Fruitfulness and multiplication! Eh no reason. The world is too full of people now anyway.

Probably for the better though. Sex probably causes more problems than it solves.
I would rather fail in my own way than succeed by someone else's.
Euo will do!
Hmm... it can also solve problems. People don't always notice that bit. <rubs chin> It's amazing what a bonding thing it can be. From guys in the shower room sharing a moment about somebody they all noticed; to girls on a hen night. Let alone the uses it has when keeping a relationship together. <shrugs>

Nothing humans do is ever two dimensional, you know. smile (When you're missing something about a thing others take as normal... you tend to notice some of the nuances about it other people take for granted because they don't have to pause and work out how they should react in a given situation, first.)

edited 12th Apr '14 12:29:44 AM by Euodiachloris

"When all else failed, she tried being reasonable." ~ Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb
 169 Keybreak, Sat, 12th Apr '14 12:36:35 AM from amid it all Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Stasis
Nyeh, there's too many shades of gray in the world. There should be only white, black, and the same shade of gray everywhere. ;P

But I could get observing something impartially. Standing aside and not being part of it does take out some of the bias.

I would rather fail in my own way than succeed by someone else's.
Look at the bonobos. They use sex to resolve conflicts without violence. Most peaceful ape.

(though, we're not bonobos, obviously :P)

edited 12th Apr '14 12:51:39 AM by CassidyTheDevil

 171 Aw Sam Weston, Sat, 12th Apr '14 11:00:54 AM from Minnesota Nice Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
[up][up] If the world were only black, white, and one shade of gray, our early films would be really boring and hard to understand. The same goes with everywhere else, in the metaphor.

@Euodiachloris: I'm a Grey Ace, and I masturbate. Granted, it's more of a habit than anything else. The point is, it happens.

 172 storyyeller, Sat, 12th Apr '14 1:13:54 PM from Appleloosa Relationship Status: RelationshipOutOfBoundsException: 1
More like giant cherries
What do you mean by white, grey, and black?
Life is simple: it has no nontrivial normal subgroups.
Euo will do!
[up][up]I didn't say it didn't. Only that, in the main, you get the "why bother?" reaction. smile
"When all else failed, she tried being reasonable." ~ Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb
 174 Keybreak, Sat, 12th Apr '14 2:17:39 PM from amid it all Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Stasis
@storyyeller The idea that there is a perfect extreme, a perfect opposite, and a perfect middle.

That the real world runs on a gradient system makes it messy and complicated. tongue

edited 12th Apr '14 2:18:11 PM by Keybreak

I would rather fail in my own way than succeed by someone else's.
 175 Aw Sam Weston, Sat, 12th Apr '14 5:46:58 PM from Minnesota Nice Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
[up] A world that doesn't run on a gradient system would be boring and dull.

Sorry for going off-topic. I'll stop replying now unless it's relevant.

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