Writing Bad Parents

So, I took a step back to read something I had been writing lately, as I often do, and I noticed something was a bit wrong. A character I had been writing, the single father of a girl just starting school, was being too supportive for the purposes of the story. And I have no idea how to write a bad parent.

Now, he's not an outright horrible father, he doesn't abuse or ignore his daughter or anything. It's more like, he just doesn't know how to raise a daughter. The end result would be the daughter becoming a well done daughter girl, constantly trying to maintain an image of strength, and be the best.

Does anyone have advice on how to write someone who screws up at parenting? Anyone with personal experience, that it doesn't hurt to share? I just don't really know where to start.

As much as it may seem odd, my father really means well. He's wanted to raise me well, but.. things didn't work out.

I dunno. Sure, it's prolly much worse than what you were looking for, but I'm sure you'll find something in there that you need. If not, sorry to give crap advice. ^^;

Well, that's a...tad more on the violent side than I'm aiming for, but it's given me a bit of clue, so thanks a lot.

And, uh...have an internet hug.◊

Inconsistent behavior and mixed messages can cause a lot of grief without the parnent being too abusive.

My parents never let me take art classes in middle school ( can only take one elective and they wanted Latin), but then asked why I hadn't won any art contests. I didn't even know there were contests at school in the first place, not like the Latin teacher is gonna announce them. >_< You can't tell me not to do something and then ask why I'm not doing it expertly...

In one of my stories, I have a guy who just barely talks to his son. Though in his case it's partly the son's choice - occasionally he tries to make overtures to his son, and his son pushes him away. It's a bad situation because he has absolutely no clue how emotionally repressed and callous his son has gotten (the kid's a sort-of Villain Protagonist).

Maybe you could have it that the father seems to be always preoccupied with his own things, and when his daughter tries to tell him something he says he's busy. (Even if it's just busy watching TV.) Or else that whenever she makes a mistake, he lectures her on doing better, even if she did very well overall.

My parents are Good Parents for the most part. Aside from one incident of Disproportionate Retribution, they haven't done anything to screw me up too badly. But I can share a story about a friend's mother.

She is apparently quite... imbalanced. From what I understand (from what said friend told me), she basically turns unconditional love conditional. She has conditions for the continuing support and involvement with her children, and is apparently somewhat demanding. Maybe you can do something like that—have the father ask a lot of his daughter, with the idea that if she doesn't do this or that, he'll turn away from her and lose his interest.

Hm...I can see that daughter thinking that's the case...

I hadn't intended for him to be really outright awful, not doing the sort of things that could get child services called...more like, he knows he's bad, and he desperately wants to be a good father, but he just keeps screwing up. Like, he just doesn't understand how to treat kids, or something. Abusive would be easy to write, it's the subtle screwing that's tripping me up.

Disproportionate Retribution might actually be good. Maybe make it so that he doesn't know how to praise or punish well. He goes overboard for minor offences because he believes he has to be harsh in order to protect her or to get the point across, but maybe he privately doesn't know if it's right, but he feels like he has to be harsh. But when it comes to praise, he's not sure how to do that either. He gives too much when she doesn't necessarily need it, but when she does something big, he doesn't go far enough. Maybe he's also really timid, and is just too afraid to tell her he really loves her or go all out on her, because he's afraid she doesn't truly love him as a father (maybe he's noticed her being distant), and he's afraid of alienating her by trying to be too close.

That's actually a really good idea. A big plot point was the fact that he was very skilled at something she had no talent for, but she really respects him for it. If he's overprotective of her in regards to that, and screws up his criticism, she would think he was ashamed of her or something, and work hard to improve, and if he saw her working hard and decided to edge away to let her be more independent, or be more critical to help her improve, it would only make matters worse. Thanks a lot, that really helps.

Keep in mind that however the parents will act, will be how the kid is learning how to behave. So even minor acts, like gossipping, or being especially vitriolic towards others in front of the kids, can still be "bad" in a more minor sense.

No problem! I do hope it helps.