I don't know much about Redwall, but I'll give it a try.
She is a ferret - ferrets are one of the species that are considered evil in Redwall world, but some of them do reform themselves. I guess you could consider Salome to be a reformed ferret.
It's not breaking the rules of the universe, and you could always spin this into an anti-racism message (if you want), so it sounds okay.
She was born in a settlement of creatures at the edge of Mossflower Woods. The settlement refused to admit strangers or make themselves public because they feared dangers and diseases. Black Death entered the settlement when Salome was a baby and killed many creatures, including her parents.
The death of the parents is not strictly a Sue thing, so it's still good.
Samuel, her older brother, ran off with her when she was a toddler and raised her deeper in Mossflower.
It makes sense that her brother might have to assume the role of the parents, so it's fine.
So she's twelve when the story takes place. In the beginning, Salome is introduced as clumsy and careless. She has an awkward relationship with her brother, who finds her flaws irritating. Salome is not educated, and not very skilled with anything. She has a normal appearance - light brown fur and brown eyes.
This is a very good start. You've given her obstacles to overcome. She's not perfect right off the bat and, while an unusual appearance does not mean that a character is a Sue, you've made her look pretty normal.
Salome and Samuel find out that some of their tribe has recovered from the disease is trying to discreetly track them down and kill them for supposed desertion. When Salome is out in the woods on a rainy night, trying to gather plants that she stupidly forgot to gather earlier, she is attacked by a weasel, but is saved by Samuel, who had come out to look for her because she took too long.
Still fine. It adds conflict, raises the stakes.
Samuel tells her off about being late and almost being killed, and slaps her upside the head. So they both go to bed shaken and upset.
Harsh, but that may just be the brother getting frustrated. Actually, that's good. It shows the brother's difficulties of filling the role of parent when he may not be properly prepared for it. It gives him an obstacle, too.
Samuel thinks Salome needs a better upbringing and has no common sense. He decided to take her to Redwall Abbey. The current head of Redwall was a mouse named Abbess Elinor. She is very strict, cold and gives an air of gloominess and depression to the Abbey. Salome knows that the creatures of the Abbey will be cautious about accepting him and Salome because of their species, so he warns Salome to be on her best behavior, and try to be presentable before the Abbey creatures.
Still good. Still makes sense.
The Abbess Elinor allows them into the Abbey and gives them a rundown on what is expected of them morally. Salome generally acts kind of dozy. She barely pays attention to the lecture, wolfs down the food they give her, and shocks the Abbey creatures with her ignorance about basic religion. Samuel is embarrassed. Things don't get off to a very good start.
Good. She's not the best at everything right off the bat. That she is uneducated and dozy makes perfect sense, as she would not be used to this situation.
Salome meets a young squirrelmaid named Marianne. Marianne tells her a little about Redwall history. The two are a little awkward around eachother, but they manage to make straightforward conversation amd grow to like eachother. Every though many things in the Abbey seem silly to Salome, she vaguely admires their history and their canon warriors. She and Marianne grow a friendship. TO BE CONTINUED BECAUSE IM TOO LAZY TO WRITE THE REST RIGHT NOW.
I hope you're not too lazy to write this story, because it sounds like a pretty good start.
edited 6th Mar '12 1:36:03 PM by BlackElephant
I'm an elephant. Rurr.