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Total posts: [2]
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Finished my story and Beta-readers are slow as hell:

Rahheemme
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2902356/1/Trapped_in_the_Light

I just finished a short sci-fi story I'm pretty proud of. My beta-readers (aka friends) are taking a long-ass time getting around to reading it, so I thought I'd post it here to see if I could get feedback.

Of course, with the "LOOK AT ME" nature of this forum sometimes, that may be easier said than done.
RRRAAGHGHAFBAALAAAL!
 2 Mr AHR, Sat, 26th Mar '11 10:04:56 AM from ಠ_ಠ Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
Your first paragraph is weak. I get what you were trying to do, but you don't do it with the first paragraph.

The second paragraph is a bit better at doing it though, and the third is solid.

From then on, it's readable, but I don't see anything much like a real hook, at least for me. Still reading though. Just hit the main plot, we will see how it holds.

edited 26th Mar '11 10:05:47 AM by MrAHR

The system doesn't know you right now, so no post button for you.
You need to Get Known to get one of those.
Total posts: 2
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