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I think I need some help...

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NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#1: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:18:31 PM

It started with my mother's boyfriend. He ruined everything, he ruined that sweet life I had. Now I am just angry all the time, if not at certain tropers or online personalities, against him and his family, or at my own failings in school. I almost committed suicide. How did this happen?

Why am I so lackluster? Why is it that everything went so horribly wrong? I don't even have any incentive to write any more, one more reason for my thought of suicide. I never get any positive reviews, all I get are accusations of FSN basis and rip off, I never get any notice of a CMOA, I never get anything good out of writer's block.

My life is just a bit of good, my internet life sans TV Tropes, and home life, on top of a tilting tower. One bad move, and it all collapses into the crapper or worse.

I dread even coming here any more, because I might find one more RP I tried to join might have been biased against me by those damn people who masquerade their grudge against me as some bastard democracy. Yes, I know, its paranoia. That is just the way I am, though I am trying to change that. I just...am so afraid of every other troper on here.

I feel so angry virtually every day, and imagining the appearance of certain people on here leads to violent daydreams.

I am going to the college psychologist, and trying to get my life back together. I just...don't know how this could happen...

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Alkthash Was? Since: Jan, 2001
Was?
#2: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:23:32 PM

The angst thread is over in yackfest Nick. Look for Insecurity, Sadness, Anxiety and such matters II.

Usht Lv. 3 Genasi Wizard from an arbitrary view point. Since: Feb, 2011
Lv. 3 Genasi Wizard
#3: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:24:50 PM

Okay, relax. I'm sure no one is out to get you and don't worry, everyone starts off as lackluster when it comes to writing. That's just a matter of practicing daily until you're good at it. Anger? Well, I can't give you a surefire answer, but have you ever tried hitting a punching bag? It helps, a lot. It feels great to let out on something and just beat it down with all of your pent up hate and frustration. Right?

Don't worry, this is a civilized forum, not everyone's nice, but the majority of us are more than accepting.

The thing about making witty signature lines is that it first needs to actually be witty.
Raiku from Hell AKA New Jersey Since: Mar, 2010
#4: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:30:14 PM

im here for you if you need to talk...

Fee fi fo fum. I smell Kraft Dinner.
NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#5: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:33:27 PM

Its just that everywhere I look, I always imagine people laughing at me. When I got a bad grade in school and a guy showed me his A+ grade to show me "what the teacher liked to read", I could just imagine him internally laughing at me. I wanted to strangle him.

The same with writing. Why can't anyone, after saying all that I need to improve on, say anything good about my stories? I cannot just function on negativity.

Maybe I should try to get a punching bag...

Yeah I guess you are right about that.

Its just...this all seems like a lot for me to deal with. I feel bad, because I have all these violent impulses. I'm afraid I might hurt someone one day.

edited 15th Mar '11 7:35:40 PM by NickTheSwing

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Bur Chaotic Neutral from Flyover Country Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Not war
#6: Mar 15th 2011 at 7:54:35 PM

A bad environment can easily change your life attitude. For a much milder example, my old job had a very hostile atmosphere. Even if someone was naturally a diligent, hard-working person with the work ethic of a saint eventually that place would suck the soul out of them and they would become an apathetic corner cutter. It wasn't them. It was the place and the managers.

You said it started with your mother's boyfriend. What did he change?

i. hear. a. sound.
Iaculus Pronounced YAK-you-luss from England Since: May, 2010
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
#7: Mar 15th 2011 at 8:03:29 PM

Professional help is good, and it's good to hear that you're talking to professionals IRL. Internet therapy is... not so good, as a rule, and best taken with a grain of salt.

Just as a word of advice on how to approach this thread.

What's precedent ever done for us?
NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#8: Mar 15th 2011 at 8:40:03 PM

He came in when my dad was away in India, my mom was out dancing a lot, and he was always approaching her, always asking her out.

He has his own wife, and she and he have not even divorced properly. They are separated...because he cheated on her.

Her boyfriend has a very unstable home situation, and I think she just wants to help him or something.

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