Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Can't quite make this into a rule, but it annoyed the hell out of my two co-players, much amused me and got an intrigued look from the GM:

We've crashed on the outskirts of a militarised city we have to infiltrate. We disguise ourselves as workers and mingle among open-cast miners without trouble, but GM makes it clear the guards at the city entrances will be the real obstacle.

We take over a lorry. I try to come up with a good cover story because I'd been [[strikethrough:true to my nature]] roleplaying a crazy genius who comes up with elaborate plans that are far too clever to actually work. But the others say "Don't bother, we'll wing it, act dumb to the guard, it's worked fine so far" (they weren't wrong). We proceed with me rather huffed.

The GM becomes the guard demanding our passes. Before the (nominal) party leader could start, I tell him:

"Listen, a ship crashed near the mines and we think there were spies on board who may be trying to enter the city right now. I'm an undercover spy, I have quickly gathered intelligence from the wreck that must make it to headquarters. I did not have time to ask for the permits, but it of the utmost necessity to our mission that you let us through without delay. We can't afford to wait for the checks. Never mind my colleagues here, they're just normal workers I drafted, they have no idea what's going on."

It would have worked if I had any points in diplomacy.

I should add that it was the perfect crown to a campaign where we had a party dynamic that I thought was the best way for a game to go, in that we got along fine with the GM but our characters all hated each other and kept working at cross purposes.

I think the skill you want there is Bluff, buddy.

Our PCs not allowed to derail the campaign by saying, "Screw this, we're going to Tahiti, then actually going to Tahiti."

The d20 gods must smile upon us for allowing us to pull off that teleport roll.

Why not let you go to Tahiti? It's a magical place...

^^^^Couldn't someone else use their bluff/diplo to assure that is true?

When resting at an inn, not allowed to pull out dice and character sheets.

The GM caught the reference, by the way.

Hey, I've been told that I'm not allowed to conduct role-playing games within role-playing games as well. I'm not sure if it's because it'd eat up too much session time, or the GM is upset that, unless an NPC is there to participate, that they don't get to play too.

When improvising a breaching charge I am no longer allowed to use a claymore mine.

Tuef: Ok now that is a bullshit call on the GM's part. Claymores are a great breaching charge. Nothing says "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS!" like a face full of shrapnel.

Aren't those the ones that throw a bunch of steel balls in one direction in a shallow arc? Wouldn't those go through the whole building?

edited 5th Jun '15 11:15:01 PM by Azreal341

Az: no, because they'd lose energy quick after maybe one wall at most. Steel balls, while effective for short range anti-personnel work, are not good at penetrating hard cover. Yes it could go through drywall, at least one layer, eventually it'd lose energy enough to lose any penetrative properties.

Projectiles are like dudes fucking; lose energy and they are not penetrating anything.

"Hey Puff!" Is not the proper way to greet the dragon barrista in charge of the local neutral grounds.

Wait, actual honest-to-gods dragon, or Draconic Humanoid ?

I question the logic of this simile.

edited 6th Jun '15 2:35:20 PM by Knowlessman

Lower case d-Dragon in a assumed human shape. But a honest-to-gods dragon nontheless.

Upper case D-Dragons in The Dresden Files are basically forces of nature my chars would avoid as hell

The dragon runs a Coffee Shop in Istanbul as Neutral Grounds

edited 6th Jun '15 2:49:42 PM by 3of4

Well Mark that's a rather colorful simile but thank you for explaining.

I like this line.

• I cannot run a completely mundane Co C campaign. (Oneshots are ok though.)

• It doesn't matter on how good terms we parted, the Nightgaunt Lord will never call just to say 'hi'.

• Halflings are not 'just good-aligned kobolds'.

• You cannot buy frozen halflings as dragon food.
  • You cannot buy live halflings as dragon food.

Belkar would like to have a word with you...

@2268 Well, not since 3rd edition, at any rate. Anyone else remember when kobolds were a goblinoid species, more like anthropomorphic yap dogs than weenied anthropomorphic dragons?

I'm not saying I miss those days (I kinda like kobolds more nowadays); I'm just saying that they were a lot closer to halflings in the past.

As for that last point and its subpoint... so, does that mean that they're so plentiful that you can just harvest them without buying?

Yes, yes it does

i can only use the blacklight as an anti vampire weapon once per session.

@2722 What about tricking them into a hydroponics greenhouse? That makes a blacklight look like a cheap nightlight.

but if i use a blacklight, which is way more portable, and hold it horizontally, aimed at their eyes, i can fry their eyes, blinding them, plus it would be very painful… for them

@2274 Fair enough... that said, you can make a more portable version of a hydroponics light (they do make smaller bulbs for that), which would have the same effect, plus would also serve to blind their human thralls.

Also, your base should go with the hydroponic greenhouse setup, just to be safe.