Tear this apart, please!:

Total posts: [8]
Exactly What It Says on the Tin Please, if you would be so kind as to critique a one-shot chapter of my fanfiction:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6810606/1/ (Warning: This piece is NSFW)

Actually, scratch that. Tear. It. Apart. (Please.)

Thank you!

edited 9th Mar '11 6:23:38 PM by punkreader

An NSFW tag would be nice. Just saiyan'.
Erm...good point. Adding one now.
4 MrAHR9th Mar 2011 06:36:57 PM from ಠ_ಠ , Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
—narrows eyes—

The last time someone said that, they got mad at me. Do you REALLY want this to be torn apart, truly?
As long as you can help provide where to improve. I find critics who take their namesake too literal, and veer in the extremes of saying so-and-so just sucks, provide as little info to the writer as a simple "Your Writing Sucks. The End." Mere bluntness is not a virtue.

edited 9th Mar '11 7:09:27 PM by QQQQQ

@ Mr. AHR: Yes, I do. I'm mature enough not to get mad, don't worry. cool

@ QQQQQ: Exactly. I actually got a review like that on the thing, but I deleted it, due to the fact that it was more slur than feedback. Here, let me fetch it from my email:

"That was highly inappropriate, disgusting, and slutty. Please stop writing one-shots. In fact, everyone that writes one-shots should stop. Promiscuity is disgusting. Why are girls so slutty in these stories? Seriously. Stop writing porn. Nasty."

I deleted it not because it annoyed me (which it did) but because it was really just plain innappropriate in and of itself (to me, at least). I wrote that warning at the beginning for a reason, reviewer. It made me laugh, though, because of the reviewer's screenname: "Barack Obama". Somehow, I doubt the President has the time to waste on fanfiction. Really, now, doesn't that count, as oh, I don't know, false impersonation, which is a 'federal crime? [lol]

7 Edmania9th Mar 2011 09:35:10 PM from under a pile of erasers
o hai
Why are girls so slutty in these stories? Seriously. Stop writing porn.

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
8 doorhandle9th Mar 2011 09:38:51 PM from Space Australia!
Yeah, that's not the right sort of critique for the situation.
The system doesn't know you right now, so no post button for you.
You need to Get Known to get one of those.

Total posts: 8