Friend getting a sex-change operation

click here Acording to Fast Eddie Threads should stay on topic.However I feel my presence is doing that very thing.

However if you feel my advice is wrong you are more than free to state your opinion.

Ignore me if you must.But continue on topic.

critic me if you want.Just don't spect an asnswer from me.

advice=/=debate

edited 16th Feb '11 2:48:11 PM by FallenLegend

You know, it's not wrong to feel weird about the whole situation. Being trans is a pretty weird situation when you think about it (something fucked up in the womb and I got a brain mismatched with my body, Hilarity Ensues. What is this, a cheesy sitcom?).

But just try to get your pronouns/names right, even if it does feel awkward, because that sort of thing is really appreciated. You'll be going through the motions at first but the longer you do it, the more real it'll seem. When my sister changed her name, I used to have trouble getting the new name right, now I need to think a bit to remember what her old name was.

I guess the main thing to bear in mind is that Lizzie is not a new person. Lizzie is who that friend of yours has been all the time. It's just that Lizzie has finally had enough of bullshitting you into thinking she's Not!Lizzie.

Friendship's about support and having fun, right?

Er...no. It's just the more pleasant half of what friendship's about.

This post was thumped by the Stick of Off-Topic Thumping.
Stay on topic, please.

Well, of course its going to be weird, this is an issue you're going to have to get used to, and unless you're friend is completely dense, she'll understand it too.

This post was thumped by the Stick of Off-Topic Thumping.
Stay on topic, please.

This post was thumped by the Stick of Off-Topic Thumping.
Stay on topic, please.

Another set of cautions that should probably be read before anyone gets in over their head on this.

@Pykrete. I am glad that is being mentioned. When some people ask me "Hey, but why don't you want to transition?" it's nice to be able to point out that it isn't for everybody and when someone does it for the wrong reasons, it fucks up their life hardcore. Not that this friend is doing it for the wrong reasons, but it is a pretty important trans issue and shouldn't be avoided because it makes some uncomfortable and provides some fuel for the bigots and the "all transexuallism is autoerotic" wonks.

EDIT: To keep this on topic, don't be afraid to talk to Lizzie about what her reasons are for why she wants to transition and why she feels they're right. Being able to tell people why they want to transition is often quite theraputic.

edited 16th Feb '11 3:20:16 PM by TibetanFox

Wait, is Lizzie anything at all like their current name?

<Mod Hat ON>

The topic of this thread is 'Advice for a Friend getting a sex-change operation'. Not whether or not sex-exchanges are legitimate, not the difference between gender and sex, and for the love of all that's holy, it's not about whether Fallen Legend has the right to offer his opinion and advice then leave without sticking around to debate whether it was good advice or not.

<Mod Hat OFF>

@Modly Fox: True dat.

@Tibetan Fox: You'd be in a good position to say more about advice for Christians in this situation that doesn't boil down to "believe in a whole different Weltanshauung instead."

Had a partner that went male to female. Wasn't an easy thing considering the EMS culture. He had to go through a lot of shit from just about everyone and their mother. I am ashamed to say that I wasn't the best human being about the whole deal. Part of the problem, the biggest part for me, was that the whole male to female thing didn't weird me out as much how hard she seemed to be trying. There was an almost pathological need to be a womanly as possible, just to remind everyone that that was how she identified. It is easy enough to edit your language, though mistakes are inevitable. It is much harder to edit your mind.

The thing is that no matter how you spin it combat boots and BD Us are just not very feminine but she certainly did try. So she would show up with elaborate hair, shiny leather boots that went knee high and sleeves rolled up as high as possible. It was hard not to laugh at how silly it was. And that is the true challenge.

This is probably something that your friend has been holding onto for a long long time. She has most likely been a she for as long as she can recall and now the outside is going to match the inside. In addition to whatever trauma that mixed identity has inflicted, which frankly I can't comment on because the experience is unique, she essentially is going to go through a regrowing up.

All the silly things we did as children coming into adult hood will probably replay themselves as your friend comes to terms with a new self. And, once again speaking from the lofty perch of having one and only one real life contact (and a couple dozen professional contacts, though tranny hookers are a different breed really...) all I can say is bear with the silliness. A woman generally doesn't come to term with her sexuality for a good ten or so years after she gets it air mailed to her in the Tweens. So expect a lot of hyperfeminziation in inappropriate circumstances. Try to shepherd your friend through the insecure times so she doesn't have to feel like she has to constantly assert her sexual identity to you. Which will make her much more tolerable.

So, yeah. It ain't gonna be fun. But you best get into the habits of calling her by her chosen name and not screwing up the pronouns. The more you highlight her former gender the more there is going to be irritating behavior designed to bluntly remind you. Which will strain the friendship. Give her some time, then start subtly reminding her that girls might feel the need to constantly wear belly shirts but women have enough confidence that they don't need to.