ITT: We are all Pokémon Trainers

Pastohreeuh Jim

Ever: Uh...no clue. But we should definitely not be here.

Pastohreeuh Jim

Entei: <THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? ENTEI AWAY!>

-He picks Ever up by the shirt in a manner not unlike a cat picking up its kittens, to varying degrees of success, and starts tromping away.-

Raikou: <H-hey, nya, wait up!>

Suicune: <That doesn't look comfortable at all...>

Pastoreeuh Jim

-Ever is fairly easily transported. Brushfire scoops up Cornelia and runs after the legendary beasts-

Pastoria

Waka: I don't mean like that. I mean like... You know, karma.

edited 16th Aug '16 9:54:45 PM by Umbramatic

-To Waka-

...Explain.

Near Tagg

Waka: Well, for starters, there's bringing Yami straight to the Celestials... Then the stuff about creating a vessel to contain what remained of him from myself... Then the fact that one of the destroyers of the Moon Tribe is still out there when I almost had him...

edited 16th Aug '16 10:45:07 PM by Umbramatic

-To Waka-

There's no way you could've known that Yami was onboard the Ark, but I don't know enough about the other two things to say. I can guess about the second though, who was Kurow?

Near Tagg

-Waka stiffens for a second, then sighs again.-

Waka: He... He was that vessel.

-To Waka-

A sapient vessel? Why?

Gino/Umbra: I love it, this is great.

Demeter: "Twelve."

Siobhan: "Twelve. Two Mews, a Vincti, a Deoxys, a Hetran, a Regigigas, a Xerneas, a Darkrai, a Latios, a Reshiram, a Kyurem, and a Zygarde. Though the Vincti was just the mew in disguise, so I guess eleven?"

Demeter: "Bloody hell, Siobhan. And half of them were from some alternate universe?"

Siobhan: "Yeah. And a few of the ones from the alternate universe wanted to alter the timestream such that the Vow never happened. Led by the Zygarde."

Demeter: "... Why?"

Siobhan: -shrugs- "He's a human-hating racist dick? I dunno."

Demeter: "That's insane."

Siobhan: "... Yeah..."

Demeter: "And you, a bunch of the J-team, and half of those legendaries stopped him?"

Siobhan: "Yeah."

Demeter: "And this isn't complete bullshit?"

Siobhan: "No."

Demeter: "Well. If you were actually trying to lie to me, you wouldn't go so fucking ridiculously overboard."

Siobhan: "I... guess?" -She blushes.- "So, you believe me?"

Demeter: "I suppose, as batshit as your story sounds, yes."

Siobhan: "Wonderful."

Izshta: That conversation about the Incursionplot amuses me as well. :P

Near Tagg

Waka: I... I needed him to lead Akuro, the fragment of Yami's spirit, into a trap, he wouldn't have walked right into it otherwise...

-To Waka-

And then what happened?

Near Tagg

Waka: ...He sacrificed himself to slay him...

...I've kept telling myself it was his choice in the end for the past 600 years but...

Pastoria

-Etran is around and available for interaction.-

Pastoria Pokemon Center

Zoe is sitting in the lobby and looking over the files she "acquired" from Interpol several days ago, several of which are still wet and covered in mud.

Revan: ~Any leads so far?~

Zoe: Not really. There's, er, a few suspects in past cases that might have grudges, but Shun's file says he went on "extended leave" a few months ago and there's nothing after that. It, erm... I can't be sure, but it sounds to me like his bosses just stopped caring. So... I, uh, I don't really know where to look next.

Revan: ~You could use the Rorschach method and keep breaking people's fingers until someone tells you what you want to know.~

Zoe sweatdrops.

Zoe: Um, I'd r-rather not.

Lucius's Secret Base

Down in the Sinnoh Underground, a short, skinny, dark-haired teenager is sitting in a hastily dug-out and horribly untidy Secret Base, raging at his PC monitor.

Lucius: I'm sorry, how was that loss my fault? I was tanking as well as I could with a Mercy who couldn't support a shelf. Yeah, I'm talking to you. ... Don't give me that crap about "we weren't protecting you". We were a little busy not dying. ... You wanna fight? I'll wreck you in 1v1, mate. You, me, right now. ... Oh, you say that's stupid? You're stupid! How about that, huh? How about that?

He throws his headphones to the ground and takes a deep breath.

Lucius: There. That sure told her.

Bishop: <...Was that really keeping true to Reinhardt's ideals of honour and chivalry?>

Lucius: No, but at this point I don't really care.

He gets up and starts pacing.

Lucius: I need to get out of this cave before I snap.

Bishop: <I must advise against->

Lucius: Yeah, I know, you think I should lay low for a while. You think that seeing as any number of homicidal maniacs might be after me, I should carry on slowly losing my mind down here until Alice gives the all-clear like I'm part of some Vault-Tec experiment. And I don't want to argue with you, because with everything that's happened over the last few months, you and Alice might actually be right on this one.

He sighs.

Lucius: I'm just restless, y'know? I hate lazing around on my ass just waiting for disaster. I feel like I should be out there doing... I dunno, something. For all I know this whole "glitch" thing could be putting my friends in danger while I'm sitting here raging at strangers in quick play matches.

Bishop: <I can understand your fustration, but given your current condition, you can afford to have patience.>

Lucius: So you keep telling me. Man, immortality sucks. I dunno how Revan spent five centuries hanging around a tomb doing buggerall. It would've driven me craz- actually, on reflection I think it might've driven him a little crazy too.

He stops.

Lucius: You know what? I'm heading outside. It's been too long since I made my last bad decision.

Bishop sighs.

Bishop: <Is there nothing I can do to convince you otherwise?>

Lucius: Depends. Could you install a margarita machine and a swimming pool down here?

Bishop: <...No.>

Lucius: Then no, there isn't.

He heads out of the base and prepares to make his way back up to Pastoria, with Bishop reluctantly following behind.

edited 17th Aug '16 2:58:41 PM by Herbert40k

Pastoria City

-Lucius may come across the odd sight of a large creature in a sheet painted in such a way as to resemble a Magmortar. Or at least, the attempt was made, but it's quite frankly awful.-

Antumbra Isle

-The group is now headed toward the northeast, in the direction of the lake Zoya mentioned.-

edited 17th Aug '16 3:20:45 PM by BittersweetNSour

Pastoria City

Having resurfaced in Pastoria, Lucius is wandering through the city when he spots the "Magmortar" and blinks twice.

Lucius: ...Okay, I don't need to be an Auric to see through such a terrible disguise.

Bishop: <Hold on, Lucius, I think that might be->

Before Bishop can stop him, Lucius is already striding towards the "Magmortar".

Lucius: You know Halloween isn't for another two months, right?

edited 17th Aug '16 3:44:16 PM by Herbert40k

Pastoria City

-The "Magmortar" turns toward Lucius-

"Magmortar": <SHHHHHH. MAGMORTAR IS HIDING. SOMETIMES HUMANS FREAK OUT AND START THROWING THINGS WHEN NOT HIDDEN. AND NOT POKE BALLS EITHER.>

edited 17th Aug '16 3:59:46 PM by BittersweetNSour

Pastoria City

Lucius scoffs.

Lucius: I can tell you from experience that people tend to freak out upon seeing ghosts. That's what you're trying to disguise yourself as, right? A ghost? Because it's either that or a giant, walking Razz Berry.

Antumbra Isle

-The twins are following-

Chapter 27: The Dank Side

-...Dead memes? Dead memes?! This is my finest hour,-

-Gino soars out of the fourth wall towards Lina at high speed - followed by a rainbow whilst wearing a pop-tart suit-

<Nyan-nyan-nyanyan-nyan-nyanyanyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanya-nyanyanyanya-nyanyanyanya!>

-He rockets straight through Lina, damaging her greatly, before soaring back beyond the fourth wall-

Promethean!Lina:    AAAAAH! What the hell?   

Solgaleo!Arika: <He's not the only cat you have to worry about.>

Promethean!Lina:    Oh what are you-   

Solgaleo!Arika: <I'm a lion. Get in the car.>

-Lina is suddenly trapped in a giant Porsche just too small for her body, which Arika claw Meteor Mashes into the air-

Mata Nui: <Ooh, I got one!>

-summons a giant leek, which he spins...-

-...And extends into a giant leek-staff he makes spinning strikes against Lina's car with until it shatters and she's knocked back-

-As she staggers to her feet she notices Ammy hovering right next to her head-

Lunala!Ammy: <Hey!>

Promethean!Lina:    What?   

Lunala!Ammy: -completely deadpan- <I like trains.>

-flies up as Lina looks up after-

Promethean!Lina:    Hu-   

-Is promptly slammed in the face by a giant flying train-

Solgaleo!Arika: Nice one, Ammy!

Lunala!Ammy: <Thanks, that one runs in the family!

-Suddenly, Lina lunges at them both with Glitch claw constructs-

Promethean!Lina:    You're not getting away with that!   

-White!Kyurem!Tom notices the strikes, and flies himself between Lina and her targets to intercept them...

-...Only for an enormous square barrier to push her back just before she hits him, displaying a video of Tom in various eighties outfits with Arika and Ammy as backup dancers-

Tom: We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you~

Promethean!Lina:    AAAGH! No, no, NO!   

-Clawstrikes the barrier repeatedly until it shatters... Only to find Roger in place of the other three-

   Now what are you up to, you little shit?   

Black!Kyurem!Roger: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you oversized bitch?

Promethean!Lina:    ..Hooo boy.   

Black!Kyurem!Roger: <I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Spheals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Neo-Plasma, and I have over 300 confirmed kills.>

-Lina is promptly hit by 300 Dragon Claw strikes-

<I am trained in gorilla warfare->

-An enormous Slaking appears and Giga Impacts Lina in the gut before vanishing-

<-and I’m the top sniper in the entire Unovan armed forces.>

-Lina is promptly laser-sniped by every Rextance fighter there-

<You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me during a fight? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the galaxy and your ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Weedle. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, Glitch.>

-Two jet fighters appear and strike Lina with Freeze Shock missiles-

<I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands.>

-He grabs her by the tail and swings her around-

<Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Unovan Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.>

-Lina is slammed by an arsenal of Fusion Bolt bombs-

-As she staggers back, she stumbles straight towards Robin-

Shiny!Rayquaza!Robin: -blinks- <Wait, it's my turn?>

-thinks then smirks-

<...Ohohoh, how wonderful.>

Promethean!Lina:    What do you think you can do, Robin?   

Shiny!Rayquaza!Robin: -chuckles evily- <Oh, I'm not Robin...>

-His Rayquaza body twists and writhes as his headfins extend and grow wavier as they aquire purple streaks and red tips-

<I'm the horror known as...>

-His eyes turn the blue of limpid tears and a black corset with matching lace and a black miniskirt appear on his body-

<...LOPTYRY DR'AGON GRIMENTIA ROBIN 'QUAY!>

Promethean!Lina:    ...No... NO!   

Loptyry Dr'agon Grimentia Robin 'Quay: don't give me that you're just jealous because i'm a goff and you're a prep also i'm perfect why do i have to be so talented it's a curse

Promethean!Lina:    MAKE IT STOP   

Loptyry Dr'agon Grimentia Robin 'Quay: well you won't help me get voldemort so take this!!!!

-Robin fires a goff bem which is like a reflux only wth purple strpes and chains and no recoil and its suppeer effective against preps cuz its goff tye and it hits lina for super fective dammage!-

Promethean!Lina:    ARGH   

-In rage, she charges her own Glitch beam, aiming straight for WN-3411-

Mega!Kaiju!WN-3411: <Ack, I don't know any of these "memes"!>

-Arika telepathically beams him a suggestion, and he promptly adds...-

<...Except that my hair is fluffy, your argument is invalid.>

-The beam is promptly redirected to WN-3411's Mega Ampharos pompadour and bounced back at Lina-

-As she staggers back again, Ammy beams her own suggestion to Mia-

Kaiju!Mia: <Good luck, I'm hiding behind seven proxies.>

-There are now eight Mias, who all attack with Night Slash-

-Lina slashes with her claw constructs in turn, making the seven extra Mias disintegrate after each hit, only for the real Mia to leap away-

Palkia!Dave: <...Okay... What was that one that was everywhere when that one fighting game came out... "I'm really feeling it," was i->

-Is suddenly in a Palkia-fitted version of Shulk's outfit, complete with Monado-

<WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK>

-Feels the Monado resonating-

<...Wait, this thing's got built-in instructions!>

-He promptly activates a Speed art that allows him to lunge at Lina and deliver Spacial Rend-charged Monado strikes-

-She attempts to hit back only for Dave to counter and knock her into the air, then switch to his Jump Art and slam her back down-

Palkia!Dave: <Ha! There we go!>

-to Arika-

<If this meme plan of yours keeps working I can officially forgive you for the Poochyena fursona comment.>

-Arika suddenly pauses and thinks, then turns to Lina just as she fully gets to her feet-

Solgaleo!Arika: <Hey, Glitch!>

Promethean!Lina:    What?   

Solgaleo!Arika: <It was clear you were fucked up already. But from you trying to gobble us earlier and those ships plus your current form it's clear you're extra-fucked up by virtue of having vore and giantess fetishes!>

Promethean!Lina:    ...H-huh?! T-That's not true at all, s-shut up!   

Lunala!Ammy: <Eew, that's disgusting! How can you live with yourself?!>

Kaiju!Mata Nui: <Why must organic beings assign the sexual to the nonsexual in creepy fashions?! I bet you ship Love Seat too!>

Palkia!Dave: <You're a disgrace to glitchkind!>

Kaiju!Mia: <I have no clue what you all are talking about but it sounds gross and you suck.>

Mega!WN-3411: <...Er, ditto.>

Loptyry Dr'agon Grimentia Robin 'Quay: ohmygosh you got me into it too! Wth yourself! That's just super-gross prep!

Black!Kyurem!Roger: <She probably has a TF fetish too with all her forms!>

White!Kyurem!Tom: <She ate us! For sexual kicks! And she's going to eat me too! Nooooooooooooo>

-After looking between all of them widly, Lina finally responds-

Promethean!Lina:    S-Shut up, shut up, shut up!    Í-̛̛͘It͟͏'s̵̢ ̧̕b͝e̷͜c̴͡a͡us̨͢e my̶͡ ̶̴͟o̸̵͜l͡d̴̢̕ ͘b̴̸od͘͞y ̷w̧͝a҉s̨̕ t̕͟ǫ́o̵͜ ̨s͘͘h̀o̷͞҉ŕt̀ ͏҉an̕d͘ ͟͝s͜ćr̀͠a̴w̶ń̛ỳ̕͜,̕͝͡ ͟͜͠o̵k̸a̸y?͡!

-At that last sentence, a deep rumble can be heard from within Lina, followed by a voice-

???: DID YOU

JUST CALL ME

SHORT?!

-Arika smirks-

Solgaleo!Arika: <All according to kekaiku.>

-Translator's note, kekaiku means plan.-

-Promethean!Lina's eyes, meanwhile, widen in horror-

Promethean!Lina: ̨̀͝.̛.͏.͘͘W̷͟͠ai̡t͘,̢͘ ͝͠n͝o̶,̴͘ ̷I҉͢ ̧͞d̵̶͟i̡d͏n̡'͟҉t ̧m̢eá̴̧n̴̢ ̡ìt̴͡ ̧̀t̢͜͡h͝a͏ţ͝-͏́A͢AA͜A͏̡A͢A̶̴A

-Massive Shadow Claw blades erupt from her as she screams; her form disintegrates and collapses inwards as the shadow claw blades form hands and shrink to reveal the actual Lina - still in her sorceress robes - crushing her Promethean self into oblivion with a very loud crack-

-The crack stuns her, however, and she falls only to be caught by Ammy-

-Everyone's Ticket-induced forms dissipate, save for Robin and Dave's, who simply lose their meme effects-

-Suddenly the planet rumbles and everyone looks up to see the last of the data stream being absorbed-

Ammy: <Everyone, to the ship! Now!>

Thoughts, nyannyannyannyan?

edited 17th Aug '16 7:26:47 PM by AgentPurrloinmence

Antumbra Isle - Azure Trail

-As the party heads out, the fog grows even thicker, restricting sight to a few feet in front of them-

-Luckily, Dane has walked this particular path before, at least a little bit, so they manage to stay on track-

-As they press on, they pass by a massive crater constantly spewing smoke and fumes-

-To the left of them is a cave and there's a herd of Snowrunt waddling down the road-

edited 17th Aug '16 5:40:56 PM by Verax

Pastoria City

"Magmortar": <MAGMORTAR IS MAGMORTAR! JUST NOT VERY GOOD WITH PAINT BRUSHES.>

-He sniffs Lucius briefly, then lifts the front of the sheet up (surprise, it's Entei!) to get a better look at him-

Entei: <YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEONE. AND KIND OF SMELL LIKE YVELTAL FOR SOME REASON.>

Antumbra Isle

-Lillianna narrows her eyes as they pass the smoky crater. She stops right next to the cave.-

Lillianna: Hmm... which way do you suggest we go?

edited 17th Aug '16 5:47:24 PM by BittersweetNSour

Antumbra Isle

Mary:Aww, Snorunt! How cute! Maybe they're trying t' lead us?

-Beat-

-Dane pokes the box with an Aura stick-

Pastoria City

Lucius: GAH!

He falls backwards onto his backside at the sudden Entei reveal,

Bishop: <I did try to warn you...>

Lucius: Well, excuse me for not expecting there to be a real-life legendary underneath what looks like a six-year-old's trick-or-treating outfit. This is... how am I supposed to even start with this?

He gets to his feet, trying his best to maintain some shred of dignity.

Lucius: I guess I'll get around to answering any questions once I have some idea of what Entei - friggin' Entei - is doing strolling through the swamps of Sinnoh playing dress-up.