- What happens when someone in the group breaks the openness and honesty between partners how do you deal with it? This is in reference to what I considered a core couple like two people who primarily see each other but there are other relationships in a mutual sense as well.
- How do you handle when one person wants to go from being a poly based to a mono based relationship due to some change in the dynamic of the relationship?
edited 4th Feb '11 4:52:29 AM by Kino
edited 10th Sep '13 9:10:52 AM by Madrugada
Beside the raging sea I am left to moan.
Sorrow I am, for I brought down my only son.
edited 4th Feb '11 10:06:52 AM by Madrugada
edited 4th Feb '11 11:49:07 AM by Madrugada
- 1: This is tough to handle. Poly runs on honesty, and when someone's not being truthful everyone suffers. Generally, you have to let the person go, or (in the case of it being a spouse) give up the lifestyle.
- 2: Also tough to deal with. As with any other relationship problem, usually compromise works best; perhaps dialing down the poly-ness (less partners, less time with them, etc.) or giving it a break (it can be exhausting, especially in large relationships).
edited 4th Feb '11 12:05:04 PM by darksidevoid
- Swingers are married couples who have sexual relations with other people. This is done mostly for sexual enjoyment; the couple gets their emotional fulfillment at home and finds kinky thrills elsewhere.
- Triads/Quads are people who have a stable multi-way relationship. These tend to work just like mongamous marriages, just add extra people. homosexuality may or may not be involved (and isn't as common as one might think).
- Open relationships are the most common (and least stable) form of poly; its a couple where the idea of having "dates on the side" is okay. Usually, the original relationship is "primary" while all others are "secondary". This tends to fall apart, for a lot of reasons.
- Rank Issues. No one likes being secondary, and the fundamental inequity of the arrangement means that most "secondaries" only stick around until they've found a "real" (i.e. Monogamous) relationship of their own. Pretty much dooms any extraneous relationships of the primaries to for-the-sex-only affairs, and when they get deeper than that problems often ensue.
- Lack of Preparation. Lots of people get into this breed of poly without really thinking the matter through. It's easy to get ass-deep in alligators here very rapidly, and most don't consider the potential pitfalls. They only see the fun, not the work.
- Jealousy. This kind of poly is fun when you're the one out screwing whoever. For most, it stops being so when their partner does it. Sharing isn't easy to do, because sharing means that its not always your turn. Again, most would-be open relationships don't grok this.
- A Host Of Other Problems. What happens when the parents find out? What about kids? This kind of poly is fun in your twenties (which is why its common there) but becomes less so as real life intervenes more and more.
edited 4th Feb '11 12:59:01 PM by drunkscriblerian