So, Oliver Stohl and his conspiracy theorist buddy James are on the run from a pair of hitmen after witnessing a murder. Ollie thinks they're being chased by the mafia, and James thinks he's being chased by the Illuminati, but when it comes down to it someone wants them dead, so they have to get the hell out of town.

Now, Ollie and James left their apartment building in a bit of a rush when guys in suits showed up and started shooting at them, and both quickly realize that in the heat of the moment they forgot to grab their wallets before driving off. (an honest mistake, considering that "oh god where's my wallet" isn't the first thing that comes to mind when the bullets start flying) After driving for a while to make sure they've lost whoever it is that's trying to kill them, the two stop by a gas station so Ollie can withdraw some money from an ATM.

Unfortunately, before Ollie can withdraw any money, James sees something in the store that makes him completely flip out. Something in the store has convinced James that this gas station is owned and being monitored by the Illuminati, and drags Oliver out of the store in a panic.

I'm looking for something that could happen in the store, be it something the clerk says, or something they sell, or something else that your typical paranoid conspiracy theorist would misinterpret as masonic/Illuminati symbolism and cause him to have a near complete emotional breakdown.

Feel free to suggest something silly, the conspiracy aspect is played mostly for laughs anyway. Thanks in advance!

edited 3rd Feb '11 6:14:58 PM by Flackw

Aglets with special discount. Or a brand of soap called "The Liquid Bullet".

Does it have to be something being sold or told? The ATM may be branded with the logo of the Overlord Jews Bank, so using the credit card there would alert someone behind some conspiracy. As if the credit card didn't have a femtosattellite tracker already.

A fnord buying some malt liquor. Winning lottery numbers that give his exact latitude and longitude. A closed-circuit monitor that shows the store in real time, only his own face is replaced by Richard Nixon's. Ghenghis Khan and Doris Day arm wrestling. An analog clock stuck at 5:23.

Bottom line: establish that he would be terrified by something we would consider innocuous.

Have him notice someone reading Catcher In The Rye.

It really depends on which conspiracies this character believes in. It could be anything from an Elvis look-a-like to any Jewish person whatsoever - it depends on what this conspiracy theorist character believes.

How about someone wearing a Masonic symbol?

@Colbert: it seems the guy's focus is Illuminati.

Too obvious, I imagine it would be something more pedantic, something only a conspiracy nut would ever consider a threat or the least bit suspicious.

I liked the idea of someone reading Catcher in the Rye. It could perhaps someone in the store resembles a theorized leader of the Illuminati or perhaps he thinks the particular brand of lightbulbs the store uses are of a highly unconventional brand and are blinking a suspiciously organized manner.

"Oh right, that will be 23.46"

What a normal person hears - How much their goods will cost.

What a conspiracy nut hears - 23 - fuck the Illuminati know I'm here! And 46! They know there are two of us to get. Fucking fuck on a fuck sandwich!

What if he glanced at the security camera and recognized the particular model? He could think that cameras from that company come with chips linked to conspiracy super-computers with facial-recognition software or something.

Maybe another one of the customers is giving off signs that he's trained himself to recognize as being of them? Or just general freakiness - imagine being on the run and then bumping into a random 2 meter tall guy in a long black coat or something. Heck, it could even be a person openly wearing some kind of religious insignia.

Or maybe the clerk is new and having trouble with the register, and he takes the delay to mean that the guy's reporting to his shadowy superiors by means of the secret consoles hidden in most registers.