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Fellow tropers, please critique and help me implement this antagonist

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Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#1: Jan 27th 2011 at 1:43:12 PM

So. There's a cyberpunk space opera project of mine that I've been lazily working on for about a year (and has undergone transformation too many times to count). I need help with finding a way to properly implement one of my antagonists; in other words, how to write it into the story. Feel free to critique the antagonist, give suggestions, etc. I'm taking a leap of faith here and a great risk (because I don't think the writing sections here on T Vtropes have copyright notices).

Meet one of my antagonists, MALEFICE [meaning "An evil deed, creation, or enchantment].

An entity encroaching upon a sort of interstellar internet (deciding between the Webwork, the Interlink, and Omnilink for a name), slowly taking control of it and hiring assassins anonymously to remove individuals it considers a "threat", though what fits that criteria is ambiguous at best. For a majority of the story, the protagonists think that It is an AI; however, this is not the case. MALEFICE is the "summary figurehead personality", or more accurately, a dictator of a large experimental human hive mind. I would explain the reasoning behind this, but it is long and complicated.

MALEFICE as a personality consists of four distinct people from the hive mind: the most intelligent, the most emotional, the most willful, and the most charismatic. It has a laundry list of mental disorders, most importantly Dissociative Identity Disorder. The four personalities are active at different times, sometimes two simultaneously. Among the personalities there is very little agreement, each one having its own agenda and elaborate plans; the plans sometimes even contradict each other and work against the Hivemind, assisting the protags. To better illustrate it, MALEFICE acts like a poor man's Tzeentch, unconsciously creating self-imposed Thirty Xanatos Pileups without any kind of coherent goal.

I'm going to go ahead and refer to Malefice by the pronoun He instead of It from now on.

He has various other “quirks” and mental disorders (all stemming from people within the hivemind), such as Narcissism (Malefice really likes himself and created a cult of personality surrounding himself at the place he resides), he's megalomaniacal, angsty, bipolar, and just in case you haven't realized it by now, completely batshit insane. He is very emotionally unstable (because the most emotional personality has serious problems), as any emotions he feels cannot be minor in anyway; when he feels something, it drastically amplifies. To illustrate, he can't get slightly ticked off; he becomes absolutely furious. He doesn't become a little sad or disappointed, he becomes depressed and suicidal; when this happens, for example, he makes some of the members of his hive mind throw themselves off buildings and such.

One final thing: There's a lot of other stuff, but I've covered most of the important ones except for this last note. He doesn't have a single physical form but rather several million members of the Hive mind that if he wanted to, he could “possess” and even say “ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.” Though because his location/planet is isolated and the Hive mind stays there to serve as a “brain”, he operates almost entirely through this internet-network-thing. That means that when he interacts and communicates with the protagonists, it would only be as like a voice over the intercom and a fragmented face on the screen.

My problem lies on actually getting this all to work within the writing and the context of the story. Trying to figure out how to show and not tell with this character; all I've done with this post is tell you about Malefice. How do I “show” him in the story?

Bonus points to anyone who can make sense of this post.

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
ArgeusthePaladin from Byzantine. Since: May, 2010
#2: Jan 27th 2011 at 2:04:13 PM

I can make sense of what you are trying to do.

The biggest problem I can see is that while the concept may be interesting, this complexity makes the antagonist into a completely, utterly, irredeemably useless pile of mental issues. See, as from my experience with the internet's most famous Wretched Hive - ED and 4chan, such an organization it is highly improbably for any of them to coordinate any action that can be taken remotely threatening, since they are so extremely fragmented in leadership. This may work well on the internet, but in any semi-serious setting, no organization can exist, let alone succeed, without a leader who is firm in resolve, cunning in plans, decisive in turning points, and be stable enough to not collapse under his own stress.

Which sadly the MALEFICE is not. It seems to be the epitome of a weak and inefficient leader akin to, no offense, inbred House of Habsburg rulers. Insane? Check. Incapable of making a decisive plan at the most necessary times? Check. And most damaging of all, schizophrenic and self-disagreement? Double check. If I were a protagonist in your world, I would have proposed not to do anything before the entire scheme collapse on its head.

You might want to clarify/change something, for at this moment I cannot see it work. The absolute worst you can get with this is an annoyingly inefficient villain whose various mental issues will offend everyone with a mental issue, if you get too heavy-handed with that.

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Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#3: Jan 27th 2011 at 2:29:45 PM

I didn't get much sleep last night, forgot to mention this and/or I'm sort of coming up with this as I write, and will probably retcon my OP.

MALEFICE is certainly capable of making firm decisions, cunning plans, and effectively dragging anyone he wishes straight into Hell. This requires for some of the personalities to be active simultaneously and "harmonize". Intelligent-Charismatic could result in MALEFICE temporarily becoming a damn good politician; Intelligent-Willful could allow him to synthesize strategies and plans so effective, cunning, and devious they would put Xanatos, Hannibal of Carthage and Genghis Khan to shame. Willful-Charismatic could give him the field-marshalling skills of Patton and make him a Magnetic Villain of sorts. The Emotional Personality is bad news, so when it merges with anything the result is disastrous.

I guess it could be explained as when there's little synchronization between the personalities, dysfunction perpetuates throughout the Hive Mind and manifests itself within the active personality. When two personalities become active and merge, its as if the entire Hive Mind becomes focused; the disorders reconcile and Malefice becomes considerably more sane. If all four personalities manage to merge, the result would be the most dangerous omnicidal maniac mankind has ever seen.

Furthermore, it has the intelligence and processing power of at least two million people.

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
ArgeusthePaladin from Byzantine. Since: May, 2010
#4: Jan 27th 2011 at 2:39:15 PM

So let me put this straight - you are intending to create a villain that is somehow capable of wielding the Villain Ball AND being a Villain Sue at the same time. Don't get me wrong, this can be done, and done awesomely right, for the two negative traits aforementioned can balance themselves out nicely.

You are treading on thin ice, though. I can think of a million ways this can go wrong. That is not to say it cannot be done, but it is going to be rough, and I mean it.

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Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#5: Jan 27th 2011 at 3:55:13 PM

Well, I didn't really think of him in those tropes. I was really just trying to subvert/avert AI Isacrapshoot as hard as I possibly could while trying to create a memorable antagonist.

And it is very difficult to write, which is precisely why I started this thread- I need help with it.

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
snowfoxofdeath Thou errant flap-dragon! from San Francisco Suburb Since: Apr, 2012
Thou errant flap-dragon!
#6: Jan 27th 2011 at 5:28:55 PM

First of all, I suggest that you Capitalize Every Word in a wiki title. It puts less strain on the eyes.

If you really want to display a "laundry list" of mental disorders, do your research. And do it as meticulously as possible. I have observed that mental disorders are a touchy topic, and doing the wrong thing won't always be good. Case in point: The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime. I also agree with what Argeus said.

So, how about making him a computer with the members of the hive mind hooked up to it or however it works?

edited 27th Jan '11 5:29:50 PM by snowfoxofdeath

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Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#7: Jan 27th 2011 at 5:38:45 PM

It translates like this: People have problems. There are several million people within this hive mind. MALEFICE is a "person" that represents this hive mind, and is mentally affected by their mental problems. Or something.

And by "mental disorders", I meant that his mental state is highly dysfunctional and erratic; this is a result of a lack of synchronicity within the Hive Mind. However, the greater a threat becomes, the more the Hive Mind is threatened, and they begin working together better.

edited 27th Jan '11 5:39:17 PM by Pyroninja42

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
petrie911 Since: Aug, 2009
#8: Jan 27th 2011 at 5:48:30 PM

I'm confused how this in any way subverts A.I. Is a Crapshoot. I mean "intelligent computer that is insane and evil" is the standard way the trope goes. Unless this AI was programmed to be insane and evil, I suppose.

Anyways, the idea of the personalities working at cross purposes is rather interesting. The story would be set up as if they were multiple antagonists, then later revealed that it's all one entity. Alternatively, we start out knowing there is only one entity, but only really see one of its plans, with things getting more and more confusing as more of its plans are revealed.

Now, some questions. When you say it's a dictator over a human hive mind and can assert direct control, what are the members of the hive mind doing when it's not in direct control? Do they each have tasks they're carrying out, or do they just act like regular people until called on?

The mental disorders don't really add much. I mean, from what I can tell, they just sort of add up to "bonkers, G La DOS-style". Which is fine, but you can probably cover that with just "insane".

Belief or disbelief rests with you.
snowfoxofdeath Thou errant flap-dragon! from San Francisco Suburb Since: Apr, 2012
Thou errant flap-dragon!
#9: Jan 27th 2011 at 6:09:45 PM

And by "mental disorders", I meant that his mental state is highly dysfunctional and erratic; this is a result of a lack of synchronicity within the Hive Mind.

If he's only erratic (other than the MPD) then don't say they're mental disorders unless you're going to show them if there's a "dominant" personality at a given moment.

The mental disorders don't really add much. I mean, from what I can tell, they just sort of add up to "bonkers, G La DOS-style". Which is fine, but you can probably cover that with just "insane".

And this would also eliminate most of the need for research.

edited 27th Jan '11 6:12:24 PM by snowfoxofdeath

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Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#10: Jan 27th 2011 at 8:37:06 PM

It's not an intelligent computer at all. It simply "acts" like and I guess disguises himself as an AI; in reality, MALEFICE is simply four people whose personalities have "merged" to form a single ruling entity of the Hive Mind.

Also, the members of the Hive Mind have become psychologically dependent upon living within its collective psyche; they've been part of it for so long that they can no longer function as individuals.

I'm still not sure if I've really helped clarify who he actually is.

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
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