: Here's one that got me two free drinks from a lawyer-acquaintance who had a standing offer of buying a drink for anyone who could tell him a lawyer joke that either 1) made him laugh or 2) he hadn't heard before. It managed both.
An incredibly wealthy old man has a fatal illness. His doctor tells him that he only has six months left to live, at the longest. The old man calls his lawyer and tells him, "I want to become a lawyer before I die. I don't care what you have to do, how much you have to spend, or how many favors you have to call in — I want to become a lawyer before I die. If you can manage it for me, I'll leave you 5 million dollars. But I can only die happy if I'm a lawyer."
The lawyer immediately starts figuring out how to do it. He buys a law degree from a diploma mill in the Caribbean in the old man's name, then he does some digging and finds an brilliant but unscrupulous young man who agrees to sit the bar exam in the old man's place, then he spreads around bribes and gets a copy of the test that will be used on that testing day and gives it to the young man to prepare in advance, and then, just to be sure, he bribes the people who will be grading the tests to score the test with the old man's name on it high enough to pass, regardless of how well the young man actually does.
All this takes five and a half months, and the old man is getting weaker and weaker.
The old man is on his deathbed, holding on to life by sheer determination when the lawyer comes rushing in, shouting "It's done!" and waving around a letter from the Bar Association. "It's done! You're officially a lawyer! But, please, sir, can you tell me why
it was so important to you that you become a lawyer? If it meant that much to you, why didn't you do it when you were younger and healthy?"
The old man looked at him, then turned his face to the wall, said "Now there's one less lawyer in the world." and died.
edited 25th Feb '11 10:17:31 AM by Madrugada
...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.