"All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher."
Internet crackpots have never been in short supply, from free range trolls
of many different subspecies to rampaging fundies
to shippers with upsettingly poor judgement
And then there is Time Cube.
"Time Cube" refers to Gene Ray's "scientific" "theory," which espouses the concept that time is cubic. This means that Earth's two hemispheres are not fixed geographic points on a round planet, but two separate metaphysical spheres that rotate independent of each other and cancel each other out as antipodes.note
As a result, four 24-hour days (or alternately, one 96-hour day) takes place in what we perceive to be one standard 24-hour day. He has also stated that nothing is able to exist without an exact and polar opposite. These theories have been described by some physicists as, in very technical scientific terms,
"Dr." Ray's website has been a target of internet humor
, mostly for his rambling writing style, incoherent beliefs, blatant racism, anti-semitism, homophobia, and just plain hatred for humans in general
. He has stated that the refusal of any institute of higher learning to accept his theories is the result of a massive conspiracy
, and that anyone who rejects or remains ignorant of his ideas should be killed and is doomed to Hell
the sign of a credible scientist yet also ironic considering his hatred of religion). It's perhaps significant that Gene Ray is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, a fact which he's announced publicly on several occasions.
Now available in audio book form
, which may or may not help you comprehend it all.
This website provides examples of:
- A God Am I: "God created only a single 24 hour day rotation of Earth, while I have created 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth - therefore, I am wiser than the word god, and all word worshipers".
- Arc Number: The number four pops up a lot.
- Artistic License – Physics: Gene Ray has a loose definition of the words "corner" and "side" for the purpose of this theory.
- He describes cubes as having four sets of four corners, using this diagram◊ in which he labels 4 parallel edges of a cube as "corners" and "vertical edges". He seems to have an issue discriminating between 2D and 3D space, referring to it like "the corners of a room". Nevermind that in 3D space "vertical" is relative, so someone in equatorial Africa looking towards the Atlantic Ocean would see those as the "horizontal" edges.
- A more obvious curiosity is his insistence that cubes have only four sides. To Ray, the top and bottom of solids are not sides, and are separate from them. When people say that cubes have six sides, he takes that to mean they're not including the top and bottom and insulting what he calls "the most perform form of symmetry in the universe". In addition, sextets have six sides, not cubes, according to him.
- Perhaps the single biggest failing of this theory in scientific terms is that it's entirely geocentric. For something that claims to be a Theory of Everything, this will absolutely not do. No mention is given of how time works in space or even other planets, despite him suggesting that people who reject Time Cube and harm the environment would be better off on another planet. In addition, Ray claims to have come up with the theory by squaring the circle of the Earth, and by extension, "cubing the Earth sphere". Mathematicians have long known that squaring circles with a compass and a straightedge is impossible.
- Artistic License – Law: He believes the refusal of academic institutions to teach Time Cube is an infringement on the First Amendment.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: The 4 people Gene uses as examples of observers of his 1 96-hour day rotation (i.e., one for each conventional day) are Jesus Christ, Socrates, Albert Einstein and Bill Clinton.
- This shirt was once a point of contention on the site, where Gene Ray urged buyers to get refunds. His reasons are that it infringes on the copyright of the Time Cube imagery, inaccurate design, and that they're the wrong color. The illustrations of the Time Cube are all monochrome.
- Author Tract: About everything in existence, as well as existence itself - science chiefly, but politics, language, and religion are also frequent points of contention.
- Awesome McCoolname: 'Gene Ray' sounds like something a supervillain would use to Take Over the World. Or the host of Match Game.
- Banned in China: Invoked in regard to how discussion of Time Cube, as well as the site itself, is banned in higher learning institutions. He brags that the non-acknowledgement of the theory and his childish insults by academia is a concession on their part that Time Cube is indeed truth.
- Blasphemous Boast: In a past revision of the page: "I AM WISER THAN ANY DAMN MAN OR GOD WHO EVER EXISTED. IF THE HALF AND HALF CO-CREATED JESUS RETURNS TO EARTH, I WILL PERSONALLY KILL THE BASTARD MYSELF."
- Bold Inflation: Almost nothing BUT. Combines this with Rainbow Speak.
- Brown Note: Reading the site for too long isn't really good for your mental health... Note the crazy text layouts bear some distinct resemblances to House of Leaves.
- Chewbacca Defense: Ray claims that scientists' refusal to debate his theories, as well as them not responding to Ad Hominem for fear that doing so will force debate, proves that Time Cube is right.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Ray's not a stable individual, to say the least.
- Compliment Backfire: Gene Ray praised MIT for giving him a platform for a lecture on Time Cube and remarked that they treated him as if he were Albert Einstein, but took offense because Einstein, like the rest of us, believed in linear time.
- Conspiracy Theorist: Gene Ray believes that any rejection of his theories by academic institutions is the result of this, and not because the only research shown on his site is crudely drawn squares, apparently representing Earth.
- Department of Redundancy Department: Most of the text volume is the same few points repeated over and over and over...
- About halfway down the page, there's a subheading which says "CUBIC TIME CUBES".
- Eats Babies: This.
- Felony Misdemeanor: Gene is fond of labeling everyone and everything opposed to his philosophy (which is probably everyone and everything but himself) as "evil."
- Filler: It may not seem like it, but he does get around to actually explaining the fundamentals of his theory, but not before calling the reader a moron a hundred or so times.
- Four Is Death: A rare inversion. "4 is the supreme number of the universe." And every other number, especially one, is death.
- The Gadfly: In a 2002 interview, Gene Ray stated that the reason he resorts to sophomoric namecalling toward academic and scientific institutions is a ploy to induce them to debate on Time Cube, since the usual methods just resulted in him getting banished from them.
- Gaia's Vengeance: Gene Ray believes that Time Cube is the spirit of the Earth, and it will one day destroy humanity.
- Green Aesop: Ray takes the time to blast adults for their neglect of the environment, especially those responsible for the increasing amount of nuclear waste, saying it will be on the next generation to deal with it. Unfortunately, his solution to it is foregone at this point — after all, belief in singularities being the foundation of everything is directly related to every bad thing to ever happen on the Earth.
- Grumpy Old Man: Ray, as the rest of the page happily demonstrates.
- Half-Breed Discrimination: "Interracial marriage is stupid and evil for it creates a child not of either race, betraying the child and both the races."
- Hollywood Atheist: "BELIEVERS IN QUEER JEW GOD ARE EVIL!!"
- Hulk Speak: Ray's insane rambling sometimes ends up devolving into this.
- Humans Are Bastards: After all, evil word god is their concept...
- Insane Troll Logic: Earth is really two round Earths compressed into a cube, where it takes 24 hours for 96 hours to pass, and anyone who uses common, ordinary logic, physics, and thought and says otherwise is just an evil brainwashed tool of Big Academia.
- It took this explanation before someone made the connection to The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, which has radial two-dimensional time called probability. Apparently, time isn't merely "the fourth dimension of spacetime", it has four dimensions itself. Also, it seems that speaking or teaching the English language is itself a form of lying. Newspeak can never describe the concepts needed to disprove its philosophies, which is a self-consistent reason for him to continually ignore/defy EVIL STUPID grammatical rules.
- Internet Tough Guy: Gene does not like critics of his Time Cube theory. At all.
- Jerkass: He's just not that fond of other people.
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All: He not only implies that this revelation makes him smarter than God, all scientists and everyone else in the world put together, but, if you can't understand the Time Cube concept, you should be put to death as punishment.
- Long Runner: The website has been up since 1997 and went through many major changes throughout its lifetime.
- Maligned Mixed Marriage: See Half Breed Discrimination.
- Milkman Conspiracy: Apparently, the evil forces of the world have come together to hide the truth about the shape of the earth. And this is somehow related to jews, gays, black people and everybody else.
- Mind Screw: And that's the mildest description of the website.
- Misanthrope Supreme: Ray just flat out despises everyone.
- New Speak: "Oneism", "Self-God", "Sex Poles" and other phrases made up to describe the supposedly evil information and science taught in schools and colleges.
- "Sunup" and "sundown" instead of "sunrise" and "sunset", though they are legitimate English words.
- "Cyclop", obviously derived from mistaking the word "cyclops" for a plural.
- Pet the Dog: There are a few sensible statements amid all the misanthropy, all in concern for the future of the next generation:
- "Today, you have the opportunity to make tomorrow better than yesterday. To do less, is a crime against children."
- "Any human who lives only for today, should die tonight, for they deserve no tomorrow."
- He refers to MIT as "courageous" for being the only academic institution to host him for a Time Cube lecture.
- Poe's Law: As far as we know the site isn't a joke.
- Psychopathic Manchild: Ray definitely comes off as one, what with his childish taunting of readers and all.
- Racist Grandpa: He believes that there are only four races — white, black, Asian, Native American — and they each occupy one of four cubes. Integration of the races will result in the destruction of all the races, according to him.
- Rainbow Speak: The posts have different sentences and words colored differently with no apparent rhyme or reason.
- Room Full of Crazy: In website form.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: At several points he refers to The Tower of Babble. Given the centre formatting it almost seems like he is referring to the page itself.
- Science Is Wrong: Ray apparently knows about mainstream physics and astronomy, but just dismisses them as "ACADEMIC SINGULARITY ONEISM THAT YOU MUST OPPOSITE THINK!!"
- The Schizophrenia Conspiracy: A possible explanation for this web site (see Stealth Parody below).
- Self-Defeating Prophet:
"Beware of the change when your brain is free from induced 'Word World' enslavement - for you could find that the natural "Real World" has been destroyed."
- Serial Escalation: The name of the theory gets longer as the page goes on, from "Nature's Harmonic Time Cube" to "Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous Perpetual 4 x 4 = 16 Corner Rotating Principle 4-Day Time Cube".
- Shout-Out: The Matrix was cited in the Self-Defeating Prophet example above: The world we live in is the Matrix, and the one run in "natural, cubic" time Gene Ray upholds is the real world.
- Small Name, Big Ego: Gene Ray repeatedly refers to himself as "cubic and wisest human", or simply "the wisest human ever".
"I bestow upon myself the 'Doctorate of Cubicism', for educators are ignorant of Nature's Harmonic Time Cube Principle and cannot bestow the prestigious honor of wisdom upon the wisest human ever."
- Sophisticated as Hell: The whole thing is written this way, both with swears and general juvenile terms (like "Word God has not the substance of a fart", "[if you were not based of mathematical perfection] your arm would be too short to wipe your butt", and "SnotBrain Android").
- Space Does Not Work That Way: Earth takes roughly 24 hours to spin around completely. It's not that hard.
- Stealth Parody: Most probably averted. The sheer density of troll logic, vitriol, etc, might make it seem implausable to be otherwise, but there's a reason Poe's Law was formulated. He has mentioned that he was diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia and refused treatment for it (deciding that the people who diagnosed him were part of the conspiracy). He's also been interviewed on television in the past, and he's every bit as crazy and incoherent when actually speaking as he is when writing. If he's a Stealth Parody then it's a very dedicated one, and all signs point to him just being completely insane.
- Talkative Loon
- Think of the Children!: Exaggerated — Gene Ray promotes Time Cube so that it can be taught to children in the hopes that doing so can reverse the damage adults have done, namely teaching them about linear time and religion.
"Love of God equals hate for child."
- Viewers Are Evil Morons: Every few sentences explain how you, the Viewer, are a moron who's been "educated stupid."
- Wall of Text: The Rainbow Speak does nothing to make this any easier on your eyes.
- We All Live in America: Much text is devoted to how stupid Americans are for ignoring Cube Theory and how we'll know hell for ignoring Gene, but no thought is given to any other part of the world except to mention how the blacks should all move back to Africa.
- Word Salad Philosophy: Ice Cream Koans occasionally crop up at seemingly random points, such as "A mother and baby are the same age." note
- This lends even more support to The Schizophrenia Conspiracy, as one of the major symptoms of schizophrenia is disorganized speech, or (appropriately named) "word salad."
- Yin-Yang Bomb: A major recurring theme is that all of creation occurs between polar opposites, such as male and female, and the two hemispheres of earth, and if the opposites meet, they will cancel each other out and cease to exist. Conventional "singularity" thinking, such as belief in a god, makes this impossible, as it has already brought all opposites together to form "entities", and is therefore evil.
- Your Mom: "If God is your father, your mother is a whore."