The Onion is a satirical newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on This Very Wiki. It started in 1988 as a print newspaper by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin, and originally distributed in Madison and Milwaukee. It has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the Onion News Network.Some people mistakenly think The Onionis a legitimate news source, ranging from Christians against Harry Potter, Fox Nation.com, a news website operated by the Fox News Channel to the People's Republic of China.Twice. Others are aware of its parody nature.The Onion also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called the AV Club, which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer is Nathan Rabin. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with The Onion, mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like The Onion.The Onion has in the past extended into a movie (critically derided, even by its own AV Club), and most recently two TV series — OSN Sportsdome on Comedy Central and Onion News Network on IFC. In 2013, a pilot for Onion News Empire, a behind-the-scenes look at the ONN newsroom, was made for Amazon.com. There have also been three original Onion books - Our Dumb Century, a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, Our Dumb World, a Hollywood Atlas filled with stereotypes and Black Comedy, and The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge, a mock encyclopedia of all existing knowledge.In Summer 2012, the Onion's YouTube arm debuted Onion Digital Studios, producing parodies of non-news programming ranging from nature documentaries to reality television.It's like a Transatlantic Equivalent of Private Eye (except decades younger, without the investigative journalism, and as a website) and similar to the later NJUZ and Newsbiscuit (which was created on the model "a British Onion").The site can be found here.
Animal Metaphor: An article has an entire family attempting to use the family dog as a metaphor for their relationship difficulties—The father for example saying that the dog feels confined and needs to run free, while the youngest child says the dog just wants some attention...
Subtle, but a few distinctly old fashioned terms in an article is a clear trend of the website's.
For example: "Per the Mysterious Congressman's directive, the debate will held in one fortnight's time on the shores of the Tidal Basin at day's first light. It will be broadcast simultaneously by all network and cable-news channels."
Bigger Than Jesus: Published an apology in their corrections section after purportedly making such a remark, consequently revealing Inverted intentions:
"We would like to apologize for stating last week that The Onion is 'bigger than Jesus'. What we meant to imply is that The Onion is more important and influential than Jesus, not that our newspaper is in any way physically larger than He was. We regret any confusion."
Bilingual Bonus: The so-called founder's last name is Zwiebel, German for "Onion".
From Our Dumb Century, "January 30, 1969 - U.S. TROOPS PULL OUT OF VIETNAMESE PEASANT GIRL; 27th Infantry Division ordered to fully withdraw from Sia Nguyen, 14. 'That's enough for now, boys' says captain."
"At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series."
An autistic reporter covering a train accident said that "Before the train came to a complete stop, it ran over three trash bags, a piece of gum, a Snickers wrapper, a man, and a glove."
There's a lot of articles that involve increasingly dreadful things happening to former U.S. President George W. Bush.
Madison Daly and Tucker Hope are treated poorly by Brooke Alvarez.
Call Back: One article makes reference to an online voting system that allows millions of masturbators to take part in the voting process. Two days later, the article "Nonvoter Knew It Would Turn Out This Way" ends with the nonvoter admitting he might start voting if the online voting for masturbators was up by 2012.
Cloud Cuckoolander: Several of the columnists, but particularly flaky stoner dude Jim Anchower.
Jean Teasdale is a vicious and tragic deconstruction, as she's almost (but not entirely) oblivious to the living hell that is her life. This is Played for Laughs.
Continuity Creep: The show on IFC has some recurring stories, such as the one involving time travelers trying to kill Suri Cruise and the FDA official yelling for everyone to start eating healthier.
Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John McCain during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (The Cressbeckler Stance) parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.
Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.
The world as a whole. In The Know's world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... Rule of Funny produces some hilariously-horrific things.
Alluded to in the article This What World Like Now, following the Boston Marathon blast in April 2013. The last line says it all:
Several articles are deconstructions, often by having something frequently portrayed in media happen to real people and showing what it would really be like, such as "Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested".
Dinner Order Flub: In Our Dumb World's entry on Burkina Faso, there's a joke about the very low literacy rate of that country when one of their diplomats tries to order a notice that an extra gratuity may be charged for large groups.
Downer Ending: See Mood Whiplash examples below, as well as "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational", which followed on from the Real Life arrest of double-amputee Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius for murder. Even the article has a downer ending when the number is reduced to four (a father heroically battling cancer turned out to be having an affair with an underage girl).
"According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene."
"Other straight-faced sources confirmed none of the accident's sights and sounds were even remotely entertaining, from the spectacular fireworks launching every few minutes to the whimsical strains of carnival music echoing endlessly through the night as a result of smoke billowing through a steam calliope."
Early-Bird Cameo: In "Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on Fact Zone, which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos.
Evil Stole My Faith: One article had a Straw Loser whose very existence was an affront to both the theory of evolution (what purpose can this guy possibly serve?!) and the existence of a kind and loving god (If we're made in God's image, well...), with each side parading him around as the ultimate argument against the other.
Exaggerated Trope: Many of the articles get their humor from taking a regular trope, such as the Cowboy Cop example above, and cranking it up full blast.
Capricorn: You can learn a lot by putting yourself in another person’s shoes. Go the extra mile and put yourself in their clothes, their delicate hosieries, and their intoxicating undergarments.
Taurus: You always knew your girlfriend was going to be high-maintenance. Still, never did you imagine you'd be replacing the internal combustion engine by yourself.
"New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory". Everyone gushes about how cute they all are, and then you get to paragraph 15: "As of press time, an estimated 800,000 dogs had been euthanized for failing to comply with the new law."
The Moral Substitute: This article explains that a West Virginia professor bans unreliable sources for papers. The first of them is The Onion, explaining that this is not news, but literally a parody. Then she explains the second source:
2) Fox News - The tagline "Fox News" makes me cringe. Please do not subject me to this biased news station.I would almost rather you print off an article from The Onion.
Most Definitely Not a Villain: "Cindy McCain Claims She’s ‘Just Like Any Other Female Human’": "Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy McCain says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy" "...who loves her children with both her hearts" but wonders why the man-creatures dare to doubt their masters. Just a normal person!
"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that."
Narm: Invoked with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book Dispatches from the Tenth Circle).
Negative Continuity: For example, they made this article where the Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage. The very next day they ran an article saying the Court voted unanimously to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act.
Nostalgia Filter: Mocked In-Universe with "10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic for The '90s", a 2013 slideshow with real photos of such great things as the Rwandan genocide, the firey end of the Waco siege, the Oklahoma City bombing, and Columbine. (And Alan Alda, for some reason.)
Only Six Faces: The American Voices feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst).
Ambiguously used in the similar sports feature Fan on the Street, which always shows the same three photos with no names or occupations given. Lampshaded here.
The most famous example, arguably, is the Chinese newspaper falling for the story about Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless a better building was built (a parody of threats made by sports teams to relocate unless they received a new stadium). The one about Harry Potter sparking a rise in witchcraft, as well as the video about the boy bankrupting the Make-A-Wish Foundation with infinite wishes, have shown up in some email forwards.
Political Cartoons: A series of over-the-top conservative cartoons. Most of them feature the Statue of Liberty weeping profusely while the cartoonist says something cynical in the corner.
Poor Communication Kills: In Our Dumb Century, World War One ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.
Kornfeld: 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Lee Van Cleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a mother fuck.
Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of Chicago.
Gravity Is Only a Theory: The article "Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory", where fundamentalist Christians are no longer content to get equal time with biology to preach theology in biology class. They now also want equal time in the physics class, demanding that the theories of Newton and Einstein step back in favor of the theory that the universe is held together by Jesus' love.
Activist Fundamentalist Antics: Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself".
When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also appears in context during "Blood...Blood Everywhere").
Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is.
Clifford Banes has never actually appeared in his self-titled panel-discussion series In the Know with Clifford Banes; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives a reason, often completely absurd, for Banes' absence.
The Statue of Liberty crying appears in many Kelly cartoons.
According to Our Dumb World, every single African country has at least one resident named MtumbeNgoube.
All the George W. Bush injury articles (see Butt Monkey and Take That) end with "Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital."
"This Week In History" always includes Professor Timothy Hendry sidetracking into a long rant. Now that he's apparently killed colleague Eric Kaufman, he's starting in on some daddy issues instead. After that, he started arguing about payment with the hosts.
Dr. Eli Wasserbaum is a recurring "expert" quoted in many articles.
Taylor Swift's dating life, which thus far has included Jim Davis, Senator Joseph McCarthy, Suri Cruise, James Holmes, the winner of a "Win a Date with Taylor Swift" contest (which she wrote a scathing hit breakup song about), Christopher Dorner (who she got back together with after he was killed), and the Watertown boat Dzokhar Tsarnaev was found in.
Schmuck Bait: During Fact Zone's intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a TinyURL address. It leads to a Rickroll.
Screwed by the Network: In-Universe. On the season finale of the show on IFC, The Cressbeckler Stance was canned so the network could introduce a new program about motorcycles in the spirit of the new American Dream.
Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny: One article commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation.
Smoove B: Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. I will hit you doggy-style.
Story Arc: In July 2009, T. Herman Zweibel sold the Onion to a Chinese salvage fishery, and the publication was quickly filled with pro-China propaganda and ads for fish byproducts. However, after a few days, the Chinese realized the collapse of the newspaper industry made their purchase worthless and gave the Onion back to its original management. This did not affect the AV Club, although they did let worried readers know that the company was indeed not sold to the Chinese.
In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted The Onion as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a Zweibel editorial stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A lobby group was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in YouTube videos promoting the campaign.
Strawman Political: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.
Strictly Formula: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles.
"Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason". Nothing to worry about though! Also, Homeland Security recommends wearing them at all times and the Navy is building shipyards in Idaho, Missouri, and Ohio. No reason, though:
"My fellow Americans, you may have noticed some small changes in the way we're asking you to go about your daily business," said Bush, his words muffled by a brass diving helmet. "The government is not trying to scare you. We just want you to be prepared for the very remote possibility that your lives will never be the same."
"Again, I cannot stress enough what a longshot that particular unspecified scenario is," Bush continued. "We are not facing what I would call a 'credible threat,' so don't even bother worrying about it."
One poignant example from the article about the 2012 Connecticut school shooting:
"Americans reported feelings of overwhelming disgust with whatever abhorrent bastard did this and with the world at large... and above all with their own pathetic goddamn selves, sitting in front of a fucking computer instead of doing fucking anything to help anyone..."
Hey, It's That Robot!: Sharp-eyed anime fans may recognize Kim's robot body as the Nu Gundamnote Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure.
Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.
Real Life example: An article was used for the 2005 English Language and Composition Advanced Placement exam...meaning that there was actually something to analyze in that article.
Try as they might, the stars can’t see the point in telling you about next week. You’ll just do whatever you damn well please, anyway.
You Look Familiar: Todd Alan Crain (Tucker Hope) and Suzanne Sena (Brooke Alvarez) both were news anchors on the web clips as Jeff Tate and Ana Gentry, respectively.
0 reviews 
