is a website cataloging hilarious and downright bizarre texts that are sent in from around the United States and occasionally around the world. It is very much
as 90% of the texts sent in are under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or mentions of sexual encounters. Other times, it's perfectly sober people making extremely poor decisions.
It's become a popular meme in many fandoms to copy and paste texts from TFLN onto stills or screencaps, as if the characters are the ones sending the texts.
- A Date with Rosie Palms: A frequent topic.
(636): I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
(636): And then audibly agreed
- Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: The entire point of the site...although sometimes, it's just perfectly sober people making extremely poor decisions.
- all lowercase letters: the default mode if the auto-correct isn't on.
- All Men Are Perverts
- All Women Are Lustful
- Atomic F-Bomb:
(614): Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
(1-614): FUCK YOU.
- Bad Ass: Quite a few.
(970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
- Clingy Jealous Girl/Crazy Jealous Guy: Occasionally strays into this territory.
(847): i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
- Cluster F-Bomb: "Fuck" is about as common as "the".
- Cordon Bleugh Chef: On occasion.
(913): Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
- Dating What Daddy Hates:
(585): don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
- Deadpan Snarker: The receivers of some of the crazier texts will often be this - especially if they're sober, and the person they're talking to is not.
- Death by Sex
(205): I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
- Even the Dog Is Ashamed:
(423): What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
(602): My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
(440): I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
- Everybody Has Lots of Sex
- Gargle Blaster:
(916): I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
(845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
(603): you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
- Geeky Turn-On:
(617): she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
(315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
(323): Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
- Groin Attack/Share the Male Pain: Happens to both men and women, this is a very notable example.
- Incest Is Relative: Every now and then.
- I Need a Freaking Drink:
(253): I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
- Lethal Chef:
(509): after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
- Malaproper: A common occurence.
(412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
- Moment Killer: Sometimes accidental, sometimes deliberate.
(715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
- Mushroom Samba:
(828): I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
- My Sister Is Off Limits: Occasionally straying into Anyone in My Family is Off Limits.
I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813:)
You motherfucker. (813:) She's next.
- Never Mess with Granny:
(651): It happened again.
(651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
(973): You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
(908): That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
- Noodle Incident: Since all of these texts are posted out of context, you often wonder what the circumstances are that would entail such responses.
(845): It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
- Office Romance: Or rather office trysts. Sometimes invoked, sometimes averted.
(305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
(303): Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
(513): DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
(504): NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
- Oh, No... Not Again!
(240): Banned from zoo.
(520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
(480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
- Only Sane Man: A vibe frequently picked up from some of the multi-part texts, along with Deadpan Snarker:
(613): IM WEARING A FLAG
(1-613): So that's a no to the clothes, then
- Really Gets Around
- Sexy Whatever Outfit: The Halloween texts.
(512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
(480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting
(512): slutty neuroscientist?
- One hilarious saga is apparently a group of friends deciding to dress one of their male friends in a French Maid Outfit for Halloween, complete with fake breasts and leg waxing.
(412): i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
(412): his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
(412): we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
(412): he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
(412): he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
- Skewed Priorities:
(404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
(707): he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
- Stoners Are Funny: As a part of Truth in Television.
(650): Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
- Stupid Sexy Flanders:
(206): Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
- The Internet Is for Porn:
(917): his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
(847): His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
- What Did I Do Last Night?: The website.
- Wholesome Crossdresser
(+61): yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
- Your Cheating Heart: Often.
(303): Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
(484): She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.