Website: Badass of the Week
"....so if you give a crap feel free to check back in next week to satisfy your insatiable desire to read about grown people punching each other in the mouth or beating each other about the head and neck in a most furious manner."Badass Of the Week
due to extreme language!) is a website created by "Amazing Ben Thompson" in 2004, that exists primarily to provide weekly profiles of many and sundry badasses.
The various badasses covered range from fictional characters such as Darth Vader
, the Punisher
, and Kefka
to Real Life
badasses such as Simo Häyhä
, and Steve Irwin
, to the outright bizarre
, such as this huge-ass beetle
, the S&W .500 Magnum
, and the AGGRO CRAG
(aka the AGGRESSIVE ROCK
). The exact criteria for badassery vary, ranging from individual acts of ordinary heroism to face-melting acts of blind bravery and violence. Of course, being a face-crushing, scrotum stomping killing machine isn't required for inclusion, as the Manly Tears
-inducing article on Paul Rusesabagina
Part of the humor of the site comes from its surprising historical accuracy
used in conjunction with references to various historical figures in vulgar, irreverent language
. An example of the former regarding the great Sikh hero Baba Deep Singh
This crazy-ass bastard is one of the most hardcore freedom fighters to ever live, and a dude so extreme balls-out in his insatiable quest for vengeance that something as inconsequentially-trivial as being fucking decapitated couldn't stop him from crushing his enemies to death with his nutsack.
Another example is the Japanese warrior monk Saito Musashibo Benkei
Benkei went out to the drawbridge leading towards the castle, clenched his naginata in his fists, and dared the army on the other side to fucking fuck with him. A couple punk-ass bitches thought they wanted a piece of SMB, but Benkei slapped the fail out of them with the blunt end of his bladed axe, knocking their brains out and sending crumpled remains splashing into the moat.
Or Saint Michael the Archangel
So one day God and everybody are chilling out and this fucking insane-o motherfucking demon busts through the pearly gates ready to kick fucking asses and making the lesser angels (the fat kids and Victoria Secret models) piss themselves.
Holy shit everybody thinks they're totally fucked because look at this motherfucker. He's a fucking huge red monster with gleaming talons and spikes covering one-third of his body and glowing eyes and he looks PISSED. But instead of handing over St. Peter's keys like some kind of two-dollar pussy carjacking victim, God takes one look at this thing and is just like, "Mike, show this fucking douchebag the door". The Archangel Michael calmly nods his head, slowly takes the cigarette out of his mouth and flicks it onto the floor, cracks his knuckles and confidently strides towards Lucifer.
The site also includes a fan mail section and a series of random articles the site's writer decided to throw in, such as why you need to convert to Norse religion, and how to go about this.
Also, Ben recently wrote a book celebrating his love of scrotum crushing badasses
, called BADASS: The Book
, and is recommended reading for anyone who just can't get enough of of those who Dare to Be Badass
Also, BADASS: The Book now has BADASS: The Book: the Trailer.
In December of 2012, Ben Thompson started a webcomic with his friend and illustrator Manny Vega titled Badass Con Carne. Read it here
This website PUNCHES YOU with examples of:
- Ace Pilot
- Author Appeal (Badasses!)
- Action Girl:
Nearly any female profiled will definitely count.
- Katie Brownell
- Irina Sebrova - So much so that she broke down in tears after her plane got shot down one night, for the sole reason that for the rest of the night..... she couldn't kill anymore Nazis!
- Flora Sandes
- Rukhsana Kauser - Made even better by the fact that she had never touched a rifle in her life and actually expected to die.
- Anna Yegorova
- Sarah Connor
- Commander Shepard.
- Nancy Wake
- Kim Campbell, who piloted a blasted-to-hell A-10 out of an Iraqi firezone using manual controls (aka pull-strings) and landed it in one piece using a manual landing that no one had ever successfully pulled off.
- Amazon Brigade: The White Tights
- Authority Equals Asskicking
- Asskicking Equals Authority
- Author Catch Phrase: Badasses described as going progressively crazier will be described as losing his or her "already-tenuous grip on his/her sanity."
- Awesome Aussie:
- Awesome Mc Cool Name
- Finn McCool
- Finn McCool's best friend Cuchulainn—translated, his name is "The Hound of Culann."
- Wolf the Quarrelsome
- Mustafa Kemal Ataturk - whose name quite literally translates into "Mustafa the Perfect, Father of the Turks." Yes, this guy was so badass that he was literally dubbed "perfect" by his instructors.
- Max Hardberger. The name alone qualifies him as awesome, but that fact that this guy's job is to essentially serve as a maritime repo man whose specialty is in stealing ships back from pirates, it just pushes it to a whole new level.
- Jalil Zandi. Just say that name out loud and revel in the cool factor.
- Badass: Everyone and everything listed.
- Badass Army
- Badass Beard
- Badass Bookworm:
- Badass Bystander
- Badass Creed - The Winged Hussars above had this: Kill First, Calculate Later.
- Badass Israeli - Jonathan Netanyahu, Imi Lichtenfeld, Zvika Greengold.
- Badass Normal:
- Badass Grandpa
- Badass Moustache
- Badass Pacifist:
- Bears Are Bad News - (Voytek the Soldier Bear) If you were a Nazi, you were pretty much fucked.
- Berserk Button: Ruksana Kauser
- BFG The BFG-9000 Trope Namer.
- Boldly Coming: Commander Shepard
This is the first thing that pops up when you run a Google Image Search for "space babes", but, honestly, this weird alien space eyeball tentacle-monster also happens to be a good visual representation of Commander Shepherd's military career – drifting around in outer space groping a hot babe with his appendages while random dudes shoot him in the face with rockets at close range without doing any noticeable damage.
- Bowties Are Cool: Paul Rusesabagina isn't afraid to rock the bowtie.
- Butt Monkey: A 50/50 for Ian Forbes, a man who enlisted in the British Royal Navy for WW2. His military career led him to being subjected to the ship he was on getting destroyed by enemy attacks over and over and finally taken prisoner for three years. That being said, against all odds he survived them all and died 72 years old "of very ordinary causes".
- Canada, Eh?: Lampshaded and mocked in Ernest Smith's article in the first paragraph.
"Canada gets a bad rap these days, with many Americans looking down on them as our pussier, slightly-British neighbors to the North, but anybody who's ever watched footage of the 1970's Philadelphia Flyers teams knows that Canadians can be some seriously hardcore motherfuckers who would just as soon cold-cock you in the chops as slash you between the legs with a goalie stick. These crazy bastards have an underappreciated history of badassery, and nowadays we don't really respect the fact that Canadians can be hard-drinking, hard-fighting, lumber-jacking motherfuckers who destroy all who oppose them in a flurry of bare knuckles, bizarre accents, and the Metric System."
- Catchphrase: "Balls-out" appears often, sometimes multiple times in a single article. Even in the articles about women. Even in the article about the cow.
- Charles Atlas Superpower
- Cincinnatus - Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus. Trope Namer.
- Cluster F-Bomb: The entire website.
- Cold Sniper
- Colonel Badass
- Lewis Millet - Probably one of the few badasses who quit his own army at one point because they weren't being badass enough''
- Lothar von Arnauld - a Worthy Opponent who always followed the rules of warfare and still managed to become the most successful submarine commander of World War I.
- Cool Plane: The A-10, AKA the Warthog.
- Cowboy Cop
- Crazy Survivalist
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass
- Cultured Badass/Officer and a Gentleman: Ahmad Shah Massoud was an Afghan freedom fighter whose guerrilla tactics forced the USSR out of Afghanistan. He then fought against the Taliban for the rest of his life because he strongly believed in democracy, religious tolerance, and equality, and he supported education, the arts, and women's rights.
- Dare to Be Badass
- Wesley Autry
- Rukhsana Kauser, who managed to gun down the most wanted terrorist in India when he started beating on her father and tried to rape her.
- Yang Youde, a rural Chinese farmer whose response to a Mega Corp.'s attempt to steal his land was to build homemade artillery and blast the company's gang of club-wielding enforcers in a battle straight out of the wildest tower defense games.
- Ron Woods
- Hideaki Akaiwa, when faced with a tsunami that flooded his town, chose to don a suit of SCUBA gear and swim through the black, nighttime, debris-strewn waters to rescue his wife, and then went back in to save his mother, and now works as a one-man search-and-rescue unit, combing the disaster zone for others in need of help.
- Anthony Omari - When machete-wielding thieves broke into the Kenyan orphanage he ran, he ran them off by chucking a hammer into their faces. When they came back the next night for payback, he dished out even more hammer-related injuries, while taking a severe wound to the face. Not that it stopped him from kicking their asses.
- Death World
- Dying Moment of Awesome
- Eldritch Abomination - The Kraken
- Everything's Better with Princesses - At least, when she's a Lady of War who got there by raising a massive rebel army against an incompetent ruler and curb-stomping both the army and the numerous other rebel groups trying for the throne.
- Everything's Better with Samurai
- Evil Overlord
- Eyepatch of Power
- Léo Major - This man killed an entire town worth of soldiers in ONE Night!
- His take on how he did: I fought the war with only one eye, and I did pretty good!
- And his reasons for doing it: He thought it would be awesome if he went into battle looking like a pirate with an eyepatch.
- Jan Zizka. Notable that he kept leading his armies after the eyepatch became redundant, on account of becoming completely blind.
- Four-Star Badass
- Toyotomi Hideyoshi
- Alp Arslan
- Napoleon Bonaparte - This man was the ultimate subversion of Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys.
- Ramses II
- The Surena
- Alaric The Bold - Who, despite being a Visigoth barbarian, was also very clever.
- Khalid Bin Walid - Whom the Prophet Muhammmad dubbed The Sword of Allah!
- Charles Martel (His Latin surname was "Martellus")
- William The Conquerer
- Harald Hadrada - his surname means "hardass"
- El Cid Campeador (Possibly the only badass so badass, he scared the shit out of his enemies even after he was literally dead)
- Vlad the Impaler
- Peter The Great
- Horatio Nelson (Called "Britannia's God Of War'' by Lord Byron for a reason)
- George Washington
- The Duke of Wellington
- Zachary Taylor
- George S. Patton
- Chesty Puller - The most Bad Ass US Marine commander the world has ever seen.
- Alexander the Great
- Andrew Jackson - Andrew Jackson, the man who survived more duels and bullets than should be realistically possible, and still kept kicking ass!
- Saint Michael the Archangel
- General Zod- Trope Namer for Kneel Before Zod.
- Cassius Scavea
- Julius Caesar
- Theodore Roosovelt - This wasn't a man, he was a walking Chuck Norris meme!
- Winston Churchill - Served as a British battalion commander in World War I and as Prime Minister of Great Britain in World War II.
- Akbar The Great
- Ali ibn Abi Talib
- Hayreddin Barbarossa
- Genghis Khan - Was originally named Temujin, which means Made of Iron
- Tamerlane - Actually was called "Timur The Lame", but he's called Tamerlane because he might have been a little gimpy, but he sure as hell wasn't lame.
- Attila the Hun
- Darius the Great
- Hannibal Barca
- Mustafa Kemal Ataturk (So badass he has a monument dedicated to him in the capital of Australia, a former enemy)
- Princess Pingyang.
- Gadgeteer Genius
- Handicapped Badass
- Heel-Face Revolving Door: Godzilla in ''Badass: Birth of a Legend:
Another sweet thing is that Godzilla is completely unpredictable, and, as such, represents the Ultimate Duality of Awesome: When he leaves the warm beaches of Monster Island and emerges from the dark waters near the Japanese coastline, you don't know if he's there to smash orphanages or save the universe from a rampaging giant space monster who shoots lasers out of its forehead and spits acid on hot Japanese babes. That's just how he rolls. One minute he's Earth's saviour, the next minute he's grabbing handfuls of cheering humans and grinding them between his massive, pointy teeth.
- Hell: Australia
- Heroic Dog: Sergeant Stubby The War Dog
- Heroic Sacrifice
- Historical Hero Upgrade
- Hold the Line
- The 21 Sikhs, a single unit of twenty-one Sikh soldiers holding a small fortress outpost on the Indian border against a force of invading tribesmen that numbered over twenty thousand. They managed to hold for most of a day, while ounumbered 500:1 until the British could organize a counterattack. While all of them were wiped out, no one doubts the size or sturdiness of their balls, especially as every single one of them volunteered to stay and fight. When word of their actions reached the British Parliament, it received a standing ovation from the entire British government.
- Taffy 3
- Humongous Mecha
- I Fell for Hours:
- Improvised Weapon: The entire article on home defense pretty much hits every single permutation of improvised weaponry.
- Killer Rabbit: No prizes for guessing.
- The Honey Badger
- On the subject of the African Honey Badger: But the Honey Badger doesn't give a crap – he comes across a puff adder that is eating a rat, and his first instinct is to run up, grab the rat out of the snake's mouth, carry it a few feet away, and then eat the rat right in front of the snake just to show the adder that he's a bitch. After eating the stolen meal, the Badger then decides, "Screw it, now I'm going to eat this damn snake too". This really takes being an asshole to another level, which is something I can appreciate. The adder and the Ratel fight, and the Honey Badger kills the viper, but not before being bitten in the face and pumped full of enough venom to kill a creature three times its size. The Badger succumbs to the poison, falls unconscious, but then – amazingly – somehow comes back to life and continues devouring the already-half-eaten snake.
- Honey Badger don't give a shit.
- Also there is M3, a male wolverine so badass he will tear his way out of a tagging trap, claw his way into a trap just to maul a rival, and climbed the steepest mountain in his range at the coldest time of year for no sane reason.
Not only is he more drug resistant than Ozzy, but in the weeks after being fitted with a GPS tracker by an enterprising, stupidly-brave, presumably-deceased scientist armed with a ten-foot pole and a suit of +2 Chainmail, he summited the highest peak in Glacier National Park – 10,466 feet – covering the last 4,900-feet by running straight up a sheer cliff face in the span of 90 minutes. Through 20-inch deep snow. In the middle of January, when temperatures were in the single digits. His tracker didn't explain why, but we can only assume the answer involves teabagging the summit just out of principle.
- Kneel Before Zod
- Lady of War
- Large Ham: The entire entry for THE AGGRO CRAG.
- Minored In Ass Kicking
- Mundane Made Awesome: The grandfather of Harald Wartooth was known as Ivar the Wide-Grasping. The article of Harald is replete with tales of carnage and violence, but Ben theorizing the reason for Ivar's appellation stands out as unique and of a very different nature from the rest of the article...
- Mugging the Monster
- Bishnu Shrestha. This retired Gurkha (which should say everything you need to know about how badass he is) was returning home on a train when forty gangsters boarded it, robbed the people on board, and tried to rape a girl. Bishnu taught them the error of their ways in a storm of blood-spraying violence, killing three men and disabling eight more with just his kukri before the rest ran for the hills.
- Names to Run Away From Really Fast: Wolf the Quarrelsome's article includes a 300 word paragraph analysing the meaning of the name.
- Never Mess with Granny
- No Punctuation Period: The first paragraph of articles typically features one or more run-on sentences.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: "Every couple of years, the Gurkhas fighting in Afghanistan get in trouble because they're always beheading the corpses of Taliban fighters. That's not even a joke."
- One-Man Army
- Henry Lincoln Johnson
- Peter Franciso (and was called this trope by name by Four-Star Badass George Washington)
- Audie Murphy
- Zvika Greengold
- Captain Michael Wittman
- Léo Major: He singlehandedly took 93 German soldiers defending some sort of Headquarters prisoner, and then took on an entire town alone and drove the entire German presence out over the course of nine hours, liberating an entire town by himself.
- Sergeant Dan Daly
- Leonard A. Funk
- Captain Johnathan R. Davis: One prospector, two revolvers, one bigass bowie knife, and the most awesome mutton chops ever, versus eleven heavily-armed bandits. Guess who wins.
- Simo Häyhä So much so that the Soviets actually ordered artillery bombardments just for the express purpose to try and kill him. They failed.
- Lachiman Gurung
- Dipprasad Pun
- Jose M. Lopez The guy who singlehandedly killed over a hundred nazis in one battle, and stared down a Tiger tank. The Germans even resorted to calling artillery down on him. It wasn't enough.
- Over and Under the Top: The site as a whole is full of loud hyperbole, which causes the solemn narrative of the last stand of Shugart and Gordon stand out even more.
- Papa Wolf:
- Pirate Girl
- Professor Guinea Pig
- Rasputinian Death
- Rated M for Manly: It is a little known fact that Ben Thompson doesn't actually write the website's articles, they just appear to him the night before by a intangible conglomerate of the entire universe's badassery so he can post them online to give the article's subject the recognition the conglomerate feels they deserve.
- Red Baron
- Redemption Equals Death
- Revolvers Are Just Better: The Smith & Wesson .500 Magnum
- Refuge in Audacity (Many of the badass events depicted are more or less made of this)
- Honda Tadakatsu won a battle where he was outnumbered 60-1 by openly attacking the enemy army. The opposing general was so impressed at Tadakatsu's balls that he acknowledged his badassery by withdrawing and conceding without any blood being spilled.
- Roaring Rampage of Revenge
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Scaled Up: TITANOBOA
- Serial Killer
- Shout-Out: Got one in Mass Effect 2—a character mentions the publication "Badass Weekly".
- Sophisticated as Hell
- Shrouded in Myth
- Tank Goodness: The Panther Tank
- Testosterone Poisoning: A website so manly it'll make hair grow on your chest, even if you're a woman.
- Trademark Favorite Food (for true Badasses)
- Tranquil Fury
- Tyrannosaurus rex
- Un-Person: Damnatio Memoriae
- You Shall Not Pass: