The Emperor's Not So Finest
Turn Signals on a Land Raider
is a Warhammer 40,000 comic with a rather unique concept.
The story features Kren and Frep, two crewmen of a Land Raider tank for the Space Marine chapter: "The Emperor's Pointy Sticks."
Only, they're actual Warhammer 40,000 gaming models, not a real army of the Emperor's finest. Even so, all the equipment actually works, so coming under a withering barrage of fire means you have to worry about getting hit by the dice as well as the bullets.
Which is just as well, as the Emperor's Pointy Sticks aren't exactly the most fearsome army of Super Soldiers.
Unable to publish the comic due to copyright reasons and with his sponsorship having come to an end, the comic ended on Monday 3 August 2009, with the 667th strip, after six years.
Which means the fact that there's 669 strips now may come as a surprise. The site got hit with a few spam and hack bots, and a couple new strips (and a few more advertising for a friend's store) got put up to commemorate the site getting fixed again. It is nice to see the boys back, though.
And then 2018 happened, when the artist suddenly got an unexpected call from Games Workshop. They wanted to hire him and restart it as an official W40k Comic! This new version can be found here, on GW's official website.
Turn Signals on a Land Raider provides examples of:
- After Action Reports are often given of how many of the opposing units were taken out by the Emperor's Pointy Sticks by their commander. Usually, just 1.
- Amusing Injuries: It's impossible to count the number of times Kren and Frep had been blown up, burned, or eaten alive, only to come back at the next game.
- Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Doubly Subverted in one strip where Frep takes on a Epic 40,000 titan model (he's the giant, but the titan is STILL a titan...) and played straight whenever a to-scale titan is featured.
- Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: In-Universe, the Pointy Sticks' player has frequently acquired new armies and miniatures before he's even finished painting the old ones.
- A-Team Firing: Played straight by the Emperor's Pointy Sticks. They sure do seem to roll quite a few ones...combined with More Dakka (Often through the Beam Spam route) for comedic effect many times. Lamp Shaded almost every time.
- Author Avatar: The space marine terminator captain looks VERY similar to how the author depicts himself in the comics...
- Awesome, but Impractical: 634-point Baneblade superheavy tank turns up in a 700-point battle, starts bragging, gets pasted by a dozen lascannon blasts. One-turn win for the Pointy Sticks.
- Axe-Crazy: Mary, arguably. The orks too.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: When Frep is complaining how Steven Colbert used "Freem" and should be sued for Copyright Infringement, Kren points out the whole comic revolves around the concept [1]
- Butt-Monkey: Poor Harkon...
- Catchphrase: "Its LIONS!", * FREEM *
- Also : KA-* insert action here* !
- The Chew Toy: The entire Emperor's Pointy Sticks chapter. Especially Fren, Krep and the Land Raider Jack.
- Crack Pairing: In 40k fluff, I think anyone knows why the pairing of a daemonette and a SM qualifies for this. Subverted in that it actually WORKS In-Universe since they're all Punch Clock Miniatures.
- Doppelgänger The Pointy Sticks of the Emperor. Of course, they're no better......
- Downer Ending: KA-DISCONTINUE!!
- Dumb Muscle: Frep says Harkon is one of these here.Frep: Seven feet of genetically engineered killing machine; brain the size of a walnut.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": There's a character who literally is named Barkeep.
- Eye Scream: Played for laughs (and on at least one instance subverted) with Sgt. Yellow Pine's bionic eye.
- Floral Theme Naming: With the exception of Kren and Frep, the whole Emperor's Pointy Sticks chapter (Brother Ginkgo, Sgt. Yellow Pine...).
- Fluffy Tamer: Frep. He keeps a Chaos Boar from Warhammer Fantasy (who'd somehow managed to destroy an Emperor-class Battleship) and a Necron Scarab for pets.
- Friend or Foe?: An allied Guardsman relays coordinates for an artillery battery, calling down a spotting round. It lands directly on our protagonists, taking the land raider out of the game.
- High-Class Glass: Prime minister Harkon sports one of these here.
- Hurricane of Puns: This strip. Frep sure needs to learn when to quit while he's "ahead."
- Hyperspace Base: Corporal Cavendish's WWII tank model. So much so that a squad of Terminators got LOST when they were supposed to disembark because they took a wrong turn. Leading to a squad of enemy Space Wolves getting lost too.
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Played hilariously straight by everyone OTHER than the Emperor's Pointy Sticks. If a shot can hit them, it will hit them. Almost never fails.
- Ironic Echo: One of the earlier strips (dating back to the 4th edition) had Orks getting the "No new Codex blues." A few years later, after an upgrade...Krep: Kommandos? With burnas?! From any side of the table!?!!?Ork: Who's got the "no new Codex blues" now?
- Kill It with Fire: Mary Napalm the Sister of Battle. Word of advice: stay away from her when she has her favorite toy.
- Made of Iron: Double Subversion; they never die (except for extras at certain points), but they are almost GUARANTEED to get "killed" in the gameplay sense of the word. Overlaps with Death Is Cheap.
- Mad Libs Catchphrase/Oh, My Gods!: "Emperor's [lengthy description]!"
- Medium Awareness: Partial, in that they are fully aware that they are models in a TT game, while not aware of being in a comic strip. In fact, one strip has Kren placing an order for Krep's daemonette girlfriend.
- As of the post-discontinuation special strips, Kren and Frep are fully aware that they are in a comic strip.
- Mundane Utility: Whenever Jack or a weapon is used for something other than its intended purpose...which happens quite frequently. This can "backfire" though...
- Normal Fish in a Tiny Pond: During the Tavern arc, Frep and Kren, and of course, Jack, easily steamroll warhammer characters until they're out of ammo at least, unless if the rule is adjusted where "a Dice is a dice", as a Black Orc said.
- Only Sane Woman: Sister Mary, at least in the arc where the duo traded Jack and Harkon for a bar.
- Raging Stiffie: Here. Safe for work, by the way.Random Marine:"Emperor protect my pants!"
- Recoil Boost: Kren and Frep once used an Assault Cannon as a small aircraft. Unfortunately, they challenged an Eldar hovertank that had so many saves they shot themselves down.
- Ridiculously Human Robots: How the Necrons are depicted whenever they appear.
- Weirdly, this is EXACTLY how many fans are seeing the 2011 Necrons Codex update.
- Schizo Tech: Frep invokes this by fitting a steam tank with a lascannon.
- Shout-Out:
- To The Emperor's New Groove, Terminator, and Finding Nemo in the dialogue — and that's just for starters.
- To Monty Python and the Holy Grail here.
- Strip #469 uses a line from the Mary Chapin Carpenter song "The Bug" as its title.
- Spent Shells Shower: At one point, a Land Raider crew is goaded into firing their twin Assault Cannon without closing the top hatch. A second later, they're buried under a pile of shell casings that fills the tank.
- Team Pet: No less than three : a Chaos boar straight from Warhammer, a Necron Scarab, and "Onesie," a dice which only rolls ones when Kren and Frep are using it (but which roll sixes every time it's used for calculating their damages...)
- Thanks for the Mammary: The author, being blinded by a camera flash, walks into the cameraman's wife here, complete with Unprovoked Pervert Payback.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Always overlaps with More Dakka. The crew of Jack always seem to be on the receiving end of a ridiculous amount of fire. As an example: 21 Lascannons in their first match.
- Too Dumb to Live: The crew of Jack, and especially Frep.Who uses turn signals in the middle of battle?!?
- Too Much Information: Kren says this to Frep here.
- Again, here. Same subject, same characters.
- Again, here
- Twin Threesome Fantasy: TWINS THEY WERE.
- Unsound Effect: Commonly used, other than *FREEM*.
- Unwanted Assistance: In-Universe, generally the situation that arise whenever another army co-opts Jack and crew to proxy. May have something to do with the fact that Kren and Frep misuse the resources / abilities of whatever army asks them to help out. Ironically, these are the only times they actually seem to WIN.
- Who's on First?: Combined with a "druish princess"-style joke here:Sgt. Yew: I am Yew, Emperor's Pointy Sticks.
Administratum clerk: You are me?
Yew: No, I am Yew. First initial A.
Clerk: A. Yew?
Yew: ENOUGH! (shoots the clerk) - Your Head Asplode: The author suffers this in this strip due to illness.
