Webcomic: Crouching Ostrich Hidden Vulture
Crouching Ostrich, Hidden Vulture
is a one-shot NSFW comic rendered in 3D by an artist going by the online name "eyeteeth". It follows the "dragon rider", a swordswoman videogame character, who tries to find meaning in her existence, after enduring near-countless cycles of killing her enemies, resting and killing her enemies again.
Previews, concept art and other information not found in the series
are over at the deviantART page
. Not to be confused with the trope
or the similarly titled movie
This series provides examples of:
- Accidental Pervert: As the "dragon rider" asks her captives if ninjas can feel pleasure, her hand is on a ninja's crotch. Subverted in that she was trying to get a truthful answer.
- Achilles' Heel: The ninjas got excited when they realised that the "dragon rider" was not airborne. She ends up being killed on the ground.
Ninja: The enemy is grounded!
- Affectionate Parody: of old school endless games, particularly Joust.
- A God Am I: The "dragon rider" thinks she is this, as she is that good in the game. The dragon commented that she is not a god, as the ninjas stabbed her to death.
- All Women Are Lustful: After killing the "dragon rider", the ninjas proclaimed their "philosophy" to be "have lots of sex with dragons". Before that, there was also the ninja who was feeling pleasure from the "stimulation" the "rider" was giving her.
- Amazon Brigade: The ninjas.
- Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: The "dragon rider" wonders if she can do this to escape the game.
- Beauty Is Never Tarnished: It is implied that before the comic, the "dragon rider" has never been wounded before. (The dragon expressing surprise when she got nicked on the thigh.) Averted at the end, when she was beheaded by the ninjas.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: The "dragon rider" wanted something different form her usual routine of killing ninjas, beating the round and having sex with the dragon. She got her wish, by dying.
- Bilingual Bonus: The Chinese tattoo on the dragon rider's arm roughly translates into "lethal temptress".
- Black and White Morality: The ninjas' only aim is to kill the "rider", while her main reason to kill the ninjas is to not die. Failing to remember the concept indirectly caused the rider's death.
- Blessed with Suck: The "dragon rider" is immune to aging. However, she cannot stop killing ninjas who want to kill her, has no other companions (sexual or otherwise) apart from the dragon, and is stuck in one place. Oh, and she can still die from wounds.
- Born as an Adult: The "dragon rider"
- Cool Sword: The dragon rider's gold-bladed katana. Counts as an Absurdly Sharp Blade as well.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: The ninjas didn't merely stop at killing the "dragon rider". They beheaded her, stuck her head to a tree trunk, and had sex with the dragon she was riding on a while ago.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: At the start of the comic, the "dragon rider" dispatches three ninjas effortlessly while standing on the dragon.
- Dark Action Girl: The ninjas.
- Desperately Looking for a Purpose in Life: The "dragon rider" has completed many rounds (see Pinball Scoring below), and wonders if there is anything else to look forward to in her "life".
- Determinator: Despite the dragon rider's record, the ninjas just won't give up on killing her. They eventually succeed.
- Does Not Like Shoes: The "dragon rider" is barefooted, while the ninjas at least wear socks.
- Dragon Rider: The "dragon rider" herself. Notable in that her relationship with the dragon is more Friends with Benefits than anything deeper.
- Driven to Suicide: See Honor Before Reason below.
- Everyone Calls Him Barkeep: The ninjas call the "dragon rider" "the enemy", while they call each other "sister".
- Failed a Spot Check: How the "dragon rider" got stabbed through her sword arm, leading to her death.
- Fan Disservice: Beheaded Stripperific ninjas. The "dragon rider" being stabbed to death while fully naked. The reader even gets to see her bare back and butt as she's beheaded.
- Fragile Speedster: The "dragon rider". While airborne, she is fast enough to evade the ninjas. On the ground, a stab through her sword arm was enough for the ninjas to finish her off.
- Full-Frontal Assault: After the initial Curb-Stomp Battle, the "dragon rider" took off her dress. When the next round is announced, she decided to fight naked.
Rider: My dress is indulgence of my predilection for a bit of modesty. Philosophy at its most ornamental. Reality requires only my sword.
- Going Commando: All the female characters.
- Good Cannot Comprehend Evil: The "dragon rider" cannot understand the ninjas' obsession with trying to kill her.
- Hair Decorations: The only items the "dragon rider" wore from start to finish are these and earrings.
- Hell: The "dragon rider" thinks she's in one, and debated with the dragon over this (and other stuff).
- Hoist By Her Own Petard: The dragon rider's search for a meaning to her existence indirectly leads to her death.
- Honor Before Reason: The ninjas only have one purpose in life: to kill the "dragon rider". In the example under Accidental Pervert, the ninja chose to kill herself rather than to admit that ninjas can feel pleasure.
- Hot Skitty-on-Wailord Action: Played with. While the dragon is very much larger than the "dragon rider", he has a set of human male genitalia.
- Ice-Cream Koan: The dragon rider's dialogue is full of this.
- Interspecies Romance: The dragon and the "dragon rider", of the sexual type.
- Invincible Hero: See Pinball Scoring below, and remember that the "rider" gets only 150 points for killing a ninja. Subverted at the end, when she was killed by the ninjas.
- Lady of War: The "dragon rider". Graceful in combat, and uses a katana.
- Magic Skirt: Averted. The ninjas wear transparent thongs, and the dragon rider's dress flaps as she moves, exposing her bottom.
- Major Injury Underreaction: When her sword arm was stabbed through, the dragon rider's reaction was an "Oh!", bordering on Dull Surprise. When her head was stabbed through? "Woh", with a surprised look. Averted when she writhes in agony while being stabbed through the chest.
- Malevolent Masked Women: The ninjas. Their idea of "honor" is to kill the "dragon rider".
- Minimalist Cast: If all the ninjas are taken as a single character, a grand total of three characters appear in the story.
- Mood Whiplash: The "dragon rider" having a serious philosophical debate with the dragon...while being naked and having sex with him.
- The ninjas "enjoying" themselves with the dragon at the background, while the focus is on the dragon rider's severed head.
- Mook: The ninjas
- Mook Chivalry: Averted by the ninjas. They tried to surround the "dragon rider" while she's airborne, and they did so when she's on the ground.
- Nipple and Dimed: Averted.
- No Name Given: Everyone in the cast.
- Offhand Backhand: The "dragon rider" blocks an attack from behind with her katana like this.
- Off With Her Head: Happened to a few ninjas and the "dragon rider" at the end.
- One-Hit Kill: How the "dragon rider" dispatches the ninjas.
- One Woman Army: The "dragon rider". Just look at her score!
- The Philosopher: The "dragon rider" comes across as this, as she tries to figure out the meaning of her existence, along with her back-and-forth with the dragon.
- Pinball Scoring: The "dragon rider" has accumulated points in the 10^15 region.
- At the start of the comic, she has made 683,053,221,673 kills.
- Purple Prose: See her quote under Full Frontal Assault, for one example.
- Reality Ensues: When the next round is about to begin:
Dragon Rider: And as always, our philosophies retreat before reality.
Dragon: Philosophy is ever at the mercy of reality.
- Also, despite being The Ageless, the "dragon rider" is basically a skilled but normal swordswoman. What happens when a swordswoman has her sword arm stabbed through? It becomes very easy to kill her.
- Reused Character Design: The "dragon rider" looks suspiciously like the Jade Queen. Her death also involves being stabbed by ninjas.
- Reverse Grip: The "dragon rider" held her katana like this when she began questioning her captives.
- Sedgwick Speech. Also doubles as Famous Last Words, though not quite Killed Mid-Sentence, as the speaker took a while to actually expire.
Dragon Rider: I have surmounted such odds before and I will a—
- Shameless Fanservice Girl: The "dragon rider". See her quote under Full Frontal Assault.
- She-Fu: The "dragon rider", while standing on the dragon. On the ground, not so much.
- Shouldersof Doom: Downplayed. The ninjas wear a single shoulder pad on their left shoulder. It resembles an oni mask, and is not big.
- The Stoic: The "dragon rider". While she can feel pleasure, her range of expressions is somewhat limited.
- Not So Stoic: She writhes in agony while being stabbed through the chest by ninjas.
- Stripperific: Every female character.
- The dragon rider's dress deserves special mention. It covers her top, but not her bottom.
- Talking Animal: The dragon.
- Talking Is a Free Action: Averted. While the "dragon rider" talks to two captive ninja on the ground, another wave of ninjas arrived. This leads to the rider's death.
- Tempting Fate: The dragon rider's quote below. She never completes the round.
Rider: I can get dressed when this round is complete.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: The "dragon rider" being stabbed through her head and chest, and then beheaded.
- Time Abyss: Assuming 7 ninjas per round (like in the final round Calculation ), and the average time between the start of rounds is 1 minute, the "dragon rider" has been around for 185,652 years when the comic begins! She still looks like a beautiful woman, though.
- Up to Eleven: The dragon rider's score and kill tally.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: See Time Abyss above. When the comic begins, the "dragon rider" has become somewhat tired of her existence. She dies at the end of the comic.
- Word Salad Title: No ostriches or vultures appear in the story. However, Word of God has confirmed that both animals are a Shout-Out to Joust, where the player does ride an ostrich and a buzzard ("buzzard" and "vulture" are synonymous in most of North America).
- The Worf Effect: The "dragon rider" getting herself killed. She had survived such odds before, but she didn't realise that fighting on the ground is largely to her disadvantage until it was too late.
- You All Look Familiar: The ninjas