"... I'll stick with real woodchipper movies — like Fargo, thank you very much."
Brad Jones is The Cinema Snob, a parody of snotty art-film lovers who hates every movie that isn't True Art. He naturally reviews mostly exploitation films and obscure foreign knockoff films.Jones also produces and hosts several other series on his website, including:
Kung Tai Ted - Where he dissects classic martial-arts B-movie fight scenes as the titular martial artist wannabe.
The Big Box - In which Brad plays Vic Dealio, a sleazy infomercial host hawking eighties movies from the era when VHS tapes came in big plastic clamshell cases, co-hosted by the well-endowed Big Box Model (played by his ex-wife Jillian).
The Bruno Mattei Show - A series of roundtable discussions on one of Italy's more infamous exploitation directors.
Softly From Cable - So far his only show where he himself does not have a starring role, showcasing classic late-night skinemax films from The Nineties.
Brad Tries... - An impromptu series where Brad (as himself) samples various novelty foods, particularly long-since-discontinued soft drinks, often with his wife and friends.
Flaming Brian's Kitchen - Brad, Brian Lewis, and various others try hot sauces.
Drunk Brian Tries - Brian Lewis gets drunk off his ass as the the rest of Team Snob push bizarre alcoholic beverages on him.
Hooker With A Heart of Gold - A mini series that takes the trope of the same name literally as it follows a well meaning prostitute who is brought back to life by a lonely doctor with a revolutionary robotic heart.
Eighties Dan - A sitcom parody where Brad, as the title character, reviews obscure shows and products from The Eighties with his roommate and neighbors, and a ROB robot who has a crush on the neighbor's wife.
Brad and Jerrid - Fictionalized versions of Brad and friend Jerrid do random things.
Brad and Irving - Same as above, but with Brian Irving replacing Jerrid Foiles after they had a falling out.
Brad and Jerrid appear to have patched up their differences, as Jerrid has started appearing on Cinema Snob episodes since October 2012.
DVD-R Hell - Where Brad (as himself) reviews failed pilots, educational films and TV specials that are available only on bootlegged DVDs.
Midnight Screenings - In which Brad, his wife and their friendsnote Occasionally dubbed "Team Snob". They also appear in most videos which Brad hosts as himself, like Brad Tries go to see the midnight screenings of various new movies and review them immediately after seeing them. Reviews during the summer are weekly and are filmed right in parking lot in the car after a screening, while winter reviews are indoors and a bit more intermittent.
Radiodrome - A pop culture opinion podcast hosted by Josh Hadley, featuring Brad and friends.
Lampshaded at least twice, when he pointed out he legitimately likes at least two of the movies he's reviewed as the Snob (the first being Caligula, and the other being Pieces). He even appears out of character at the beginning of both reviews to say so.
His review of Violent Shit III opens with The Snob annoyed that Cowboys and Aliens had aliens, an actual complaint from critics.
Acting for Two: Tends to happen whenever Brad's characters crossover. Also done in Hooker, where he plays two of the major antagonists. And at the end of The Story Of Ricky review, the Snob and Kung Tai Ted have a duel.
Though if you look at some points during the duel you can tell when one of the characters is played by a stunt double (Flaming Brian, to be specific).
In his Video Violence 2 review, he can be seen chuckling at the joke "What's black and white and red all over, and can't get through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head!", though he tries to shrug it off shortly after.
He also admits that the line "My wife has a fever, if I wanted something hot I'd stay with her." from Island of Death made him chuckle.
Changes his opinion of Chatterbox in mid-sentence, realizing its the greatest movie title ever.
Also, he finds the talk show host in Chatterbox funny, saying he'd rather watch him than the actual focus of the movie.
In his review of Nudist Colony Of The Dead he admits the sing along is actually pretty catchy, and sings a brief verse.
Similarly, he said he actually liked the random song and dance number from Don't Open Till Christmas.
In his review of The HumanSexipede he chuckles while retelling a joke, admitting that it was pretty funny and that the makers are obviously better at parody than Seltzer and Friedberg.
Sleepaway Camp 3: "Goddammit, Angela, stop beating people with sticks!" Brad finally gets his wish when she stuffs a lit firecracker in a victim's mouth.
The yellowface "Japanese Minister" of The Devil With Hitler. The corner of Brad's mouth twitches; he then storms into a bathroom to yell at the mirror.
"Don't you laugh at this fucking movie. Don't you dare laugh."
Adaptation Distillation: Says the remake of Black Devil Doll from Hell is far better than Chester Novell Turner's original — although the original sets the bar pretty low anyway.
Alter Ego Acting: Brad's real persona is nothing like the characters he plays.
Alter Kocker: Points this out in the Gag Dub of Dracula: The Dirty Old Man. After that, somebody dubs over him the same way.
Alternative Character Interpretation: In-Universe: DVD-R Hell's Rock: It's Your Decision is presented as if it's the brave story of a young man who, in spite of overwhelming peer-pressure, rejects a powerful tool of Satan to glory in the grace of God. Brad points out that it pretty much looked to him as the story of a young man who is systematically brainwashed and mentally dismantled by his parents and church because he dares to like a genre of music they don't.
Analogy Backfire: "If I want to see a real Aliens rip-off then I will stick with Bruno Mattei's Terminator 2, thank you very much. [beat] Wait a minute, no I won't!"
A running gag in Moment By Moment is the Snob's inability to distinguish the hairstyles of Travolta and Tomlin. "Pfft! I only like incest when George Lucas does it. [beat] Wait—!"
"If she's a virgin, then I review good movies for a living."
As Himself: The Snob's jaw drops when Colonel Harland Sanders makes a cameo, as himself, in Hell's Bloody Devils. Which was apparently not that uncommon, back when Kentucky Fried Chicken would provide catering for movies that featured a bit of Product Placement in return.
Brad references some of the less family-friendly sections of the Bible numerous times throughout his Bibleman review for DVD-R Hell, though only once does he play the trope straight.
Child:[Singing] You can take a trip to lands unexplored/And meet up with heroes who fight with a sword
Brad: Damn right, they're fighting with a sword! For as it says,"Take all the heads of the people and hang them up before The Lord against the sun!" Severed heads, children! It's in Numbers; look it up. note Numbers 25:4, to be exact. Kind of funny in that "heads" actually means "chiefs" (This was the part where - after the people of Israel escape Egypt - they begin to worship Baal, which makes God command that Moses kill the leaders that authorized this), but the threat of violence is just as valid.
Brad: All you need is a penis the size of a lightsaber and the rest is done for you. Girlnote played by Brad's real life wife Jillian:Ahh! I just orgasmed at the sound of your voice. Brad:It's to be expected.
Lampshaded in the crossover with Linkara where they reviewed Bimbos B.C.:
Brad:I can't die! My voice is too sexy!
Author Appeal: Guaranteed to like a film so long as it contains either disco or eighties synth.
"Proving that in the 80's, even the bad songs have a hook!"
It's there's a chance to make a reference to Manimal (his favorite show), Pod People (his favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000) or Caligula (his favorite film), it'll be taken.
Backhanded Compliment: 42nd Street Forever Vol. 1 sports some familiar names in the trailers.
"After I watched Gross Out, I wanted to hang myself. But if I had seen the trailer first, I simply would have slit my wrists!"
Based on a Great Big Lie: The Cinema Snob points out this disclaimer could apply to any movie, given the right choice of words.
Snob: You know, the kids are evil, just fucking kill them! (Massacre of children begins as the Snob watches in horror) Snob: I...I wasn't serious about killing them!
As for Brad himself, he always wished that Crystal Pepsi would come back. Later on on one of his Brad Tries he found a soda that's practically Crystal Pepsi. What was it? Not-See-Cola.
Homophobia. While reviewing ''Rock: It's Your Decision," he riffed on the protagonist's final speech until he made a homophobic reference - Brad pretty much ended the review on the spot.
The writing style of Ehren Kruger. Brad really hates his writing going as far to blasting Transformers: Dark of The Moon in a giant Cluster F-Bomb rant during a Midnight Screenings segment.
Depictions of animal cruelty or bestiality. He called Lars Von Trier a piece of shit for the dead animal shots in Antichrist and Manderley, and only implied the rabbit slaughter in Nekromantik (and got really pissed off about it) and wouldn't even mention what happens later to the cat. He also complained about exploitation movies using bestiality as a go-to kink in the reviews for Los Ritos Sexuales Del Diablo and Island Of Death (which made him Go Mad from the Revelation). One reason Cannibal Holocaust made him so uncomfortable was that animals were actually killed for the movie. He also raises the issue in his review of Cannibal Ferox.
During the review of Elves, when the heroine's stepmother kills a cat, Brad breaks character and threatens to kill her. Remember, Brad's cats are pretty much costars on this show.
Mishandled rape scenes. He's utterly appalled by the comedy-dubbed rape sequence in Dracula the Dirty Old Man, and snaps at the rape scene in Angel Above - The Devil Below, pointing out it's the longest sex scene in the film (up to that point a porno played for humor) and thus the scene the filmmakers likely wanted to focus on.
Green beans. The Snob fucking hates green beans.
Bestiality Is Depraved: Literally. In his Island of Death review, he simply cannot get over the fact that "this movie has goat fucking!"
At the start of Caligula, he freaked out when the first shot had the title character running around with a herd of sheep. This trope was averted, however.
Bile Fascination: invoked He eulogized Ebert, whose scathing reviews compelled Brad to seek out Zero Star films — including Caligula, which ironically became his favorite film of all time.
Bilingual Bonus: At the beginning of his Beaver and Buttface review, the bad memories of E.T. The Porno prompt him to wake up shouting "Ich bin der Waffelautomat!" ("I am the wafflemaker/wafflemachine" in German). Doubles as a Continuity Nod to The Refrigerator, where that line originated.
Black Comedy: Subverted(!) in Las Vegas Bloodbath. After a scene where a man kills a woman's unborn fetus, the Snob takes out a list of dead baby jokes, decides against telling them, and instead shows a clip of Jones' film Cheap.
Done literally in Antropophagous. "I think it's expired."
Bond One-Liner: The signature death in Cannibal Ferox. "It's one of the only times you can appropriately say, 'Get your meathooks off of her.'"
The Mutilator couldn't be bothered to come up with its own Bond One Liners, so the Snob is obliged to do it.
"Say, officer, you look a little board."
Hack-O-Lantern: "Not all girls let you poker in the ass."
Brain Bleach: From his Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) review:
Snob: Wasn't that something? It was a comedically-dubbed rape film. Holy shit! The bath I just took now needs to take a bath!
Breathless Non Sequitur: What's more annoying than constant cutaways to past Sleepaway Camp sequels? Cutaways that make no sense!
Snob:(wistful) You know, seeing this scene from when all the kids were sitting around a campfire reminds me of when I ate a baby.
Brick Joke: In Brad Tries New Coke, post Defictionalization 80s Dan mentions that he got some Coke 2 from someone from the 90s who was also in Limbo. Flash forward to his joint review of Bimbos BC with Linkara, where 80s Dan meets 90s Kid and the two plan to swap their supplies of discontinued Coke products.
In his review of Nightdreams, the Snob says "Sorry, 8-Bit Mickey" for not being able to show a porn scene featuring a strap-on made from the leg of a goat. Which, of course, harks back to the massive Suburban Knights crossover some weeks before, where the Nostalgia Critic convinces Ma-ti that Mickey has an incurable addiction to goat porn.
Brad pauses his review of Elves to answer the doorbell. In the following video, we discover that it was 80s Dan and Dolly.
The rifle fired by the Snob on X-mas of '12 is revisited in 80's Dan's accompanying video: It shatters the window and hits Jake. Everyone else laughs.
Broke The Rating Scale: A Serbian Film was enough to push past even Brad's limits. He even points out that his favorite movie is Caligula and he didn't regret watching ET: The Porno, Porno Holocaust, or Las Vegas Bloodbath, if only for the ability to complain about them. He couldn't do that with A Serbian Film.
Brad: Thinking about all unpleasant movies that I've sat through... Um. I... I think this might be the first one that I... I regret watching. I really regret watching this movie.
To further drive home how little he thought of the film, he not only had it as his #1 entry in his "10 Worst Films of 2010", he also says that he would rather watch #10-#2 in order again than watch A Serbian Film again—the list includes The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, The Last Airbender, Resident Evil: Afterlife, Titanic II, and Saw 3D.
Much of the Cannibal Holocaust review is made up of Brad saying how uncomfortable he is doing a review of a movie that disturbing. Now think about some of the other movies he's done reviews for. Yeah...
Gross Out. Brad warns his viewers that the movie is beyond disgusting and says he understands if they turn it off after a few minutes.
Jake can also count, with the number of atrocious movies that Brad sends him to watch all for the sake of the site.
Call Back: He starts the review of Sleepaway Camp IV by saying it's an incomplete movie. "Nothing bad can come out of this, right?" (cue screencap of the Grizzly IIpage on his website...)
Plenty of them in the 100th episode review of Caligula. Ask That Guy shows up to explain the historical background to Caligula, Spoony, Angry Joe, LordKat, JewWario and Phelous all appear in Roman costume claiming to be Caligula, Linkara and Obscurus Lupa are confused by them, Film Brain gets cross that he didn't get to be Caligula because of The Queen's Latin, and all of Brad Jones' other characters also appear, including Eighties Dan, who doesn't actually exist became an official character after appearing in a Brad Tries episode later on.
Bennett the Sage appeared at the end of the Snob's next review of the German slasher film Violent Shit, also pretending to be Caligula, but he quickly became sad when he realized he missed his opportunity.
LordKat appears during Brad Tries Durian. He also appears in The Bix Box review of Don't Open the Door as Vic Dealio's Uncle Lino.
Ed Glaser has a cameo in the final Hooker With A Heart of Gold episode. He's also made a guest appearance on The Bruno Mattei Show.
Caption Humor: Turkish E.T. ends with "I wonder who the real extraterrestrials are?"
He's foiled in Antropohagus, which supplies its own subtitles.
Snob: "Pah!" (Bugger)
He inserted fake subtitles into Los Pornos Sin Son in hopes of a scene with Bart talking on the phone. ...Aha, perfect!
"Hello, I'm looking for someone with the last name Hunt. First name Mike."
Carpet of Virility: Type 1 on full display at the beginning of his Pieces review.
Jerrid has one as well, as seen at the post-credits blooper for the Nekromantic review.
Snob: I've had to use a lot of black boxes in this review, and at this point the people on screen look so embarrassed, I feel like I should add one more box just to be nice.
(A censor box appears over the actress's face.)
Also also, the amount of blackboxes he has to use in his review of Caligula is insane, to the point where he says this:
Snob: I'm just glad I'm watching a scene where I don't have to blackbox anything. Wellll...I guess I could put one in just for the hell of it.
(Censor Box pops up, covering the actress's armpit.)
Character Derailment: The Snob is less than pleased that Angela from the Sleepaway Camp movies goes from being rather quiet and introverted in the first film to being obnoxiously perky in the sequels. invoked
Child Hater: All the way back to some of his first episodes, he's hated on kids. He then directly said "I hate kids" at the start of the review of "Beware! Children At Play!"
Snob: Oh, what? You're really surprised that the Cinema Snob doesn't like children? Am I really that big of a ball of sunshine? I'M GRUMPY!
Clip Show: Sleepaway Camp IV The Survivor, aka the Greatest Hits version of Sleepaway Camp. Rather than review clips he's already reviewed, Brad inserts past clips of himself talking for him.
Cluster F-Bomb: While The Cinema Snob (or any of Brad's scripted material) is more prone to Precision F Strikes, anything involving Brad simply going off the cuff (such as a Vlog) is all but guaranteed to result in at least one instance of these.
Sort of a Shout Out to Charlie Sheen reporting one of the Guinea Pig movies as a snuff film to the FBI, which also gets brought up at the end of the review (though it was the second movie, not the first.)
In the Dickman and Throbbin review, he get to the music credits, which contain "Mobus Wambly" and the blatant punny name "Hugh Jardon"note Huge Hard-On, and comments that "Hugh Mobus and Jardon Wambly" make good music.
"Hey! How dare Roger Ebert time travel to 1997 and steal that line from Mike Myers!"
Comical Overreacting: Once in a rare while, Snob overreacts, but usually his mood is extreme annoyance.
In this video of Midnight Screenings, Jake admits that he plays up the "Angry Jake" mood for laughs. Although the movie in question left him so actually angry, he spent the first half of the video in Tranquil Fury mode until he calmed enough to play up the angry again.
Complaining about Shows You Don't Watch: invokedBrought this up while talking about A Serbian Film, when talking about how he never regretted watching Las Vegas Bloodbath, which he states is the worst movie he's ever seen. He reasons that if he hadn't watched it, then he wouldn't be able to call it the worst movie ever made.
Brad: [Otherwise] I'd be picking on a movie I've never seen, and that would just bemean!
Contemptible Cover: Las Tortugas Pinja, which he states he can't show otherwise Blip would take down the video, and probably his show. (it's here◊ - somewhat NSFW - if you're curiouus)
Crazy Enough to Work: Brad rhetorically asks if the pick-up line in Cannibal Ferox would ever work on a real woman — And then goes to try it on Jillian. One Sexy Discretion Shot later...
"I guess it does work."
Brad wonders if the Groin Attack in Violent Shit 4.0 can be replicated in real life. But if only he had a test subject... (One Gory Discretion Shot later)
Crosses the Line Twice:invoked While the movies the Snob reviews have always been pretty gory, squicky and/or just plain disturbing, the movies shown in 2012 have been far more so than previous entries. Brad actually lampshades this.
The Snob has, himself, fallen to this trope, becoming more cynical, crass and... well, snobbish as time goes on (and his YouTube restrictions are lifted). His sense of humor has become a lot more twisted, and the overload of gory exploitation films seems to have made him into a Nightmare Fetishist.
He and Linkara review a comic called Manimal—a Nazisploitation comic. They got together a second time to review the film version of "Bimbos In Time."
Their other characters also meet. Ninja Style Dancer and Kung Tai Ted get along great, as does Harvey Finevoice and the disembodied narrator from The Big Box.
Dolemite's slam poetry about the Titanic. Or comedy act; not sure which.
"Well, okaaaay, interesting story? Better than Titanic II, I guess."
"I must hand it to Ninja Terminator. I've seen Godfrey Ho movies combine ninjas with gangster flicks, horror movies, romantic comedies... at least this one combines it with another martial arts film."
"Fine, fine, I'll have sex with you twenty-year-old schoolgirls."
Deconstruction: One-off joke "Cinema Bum" being him dressed in the usual Bum Reviews-style outfit... Being depressed about being homeless and having no comment on the movie.
Dead Baby Comedy: Both literally and figuratively in his review of Anthropophagus, which has an infamous scene of the monster cutting the fetus out of a pregnant woman and eating it.
Deadpan Snarker: And he has such a great voice for it, too. Case in point from his Island of Death review, when he sees a character get brutally slaughtered with a knife and a gun, then another character says that they don't know how he died.
Snob: If only the stab wounds and bullet holes had given us more clues!
Deal with the Devil: Brad goes on record as saying he would sell his soul to get Crystal Pepsi back. He wonders if this has happened when he tastes "Not See Kola".
Dear Negative Reader: Brad himself hasn't done this, but his review of "Grizzly II" was taken down due to a complaint by Suzanne Nagy, the film's producer. Her email (displayed on the former review's page) didn't seem to be concerned with Brad's right to review the film (it was never legally distributed, meaning that first amendment rights don't apply); instead, she showed anger at the Snob's trashing of the film, going so far as to refer to it as a "horrible review." Suzanne was a little upset. Of course, angry fans have made sure the review stays up on Youtube.
Averted with Video Violence:
"This review was the first time I had gotten feedback from any of the filmmakers. When I opened my email and saw I had a message from Gary Cohen, director of Video Violence, I was actually a little nervous. It was one of those 'holy shit, I'm going to open this email, and a fist is going to pop out' moments. But to my relief it was a very nice email."
Description Cut: In Ninja Terminator: "They don't make films like this anymore, thank God". Cue teaser for Ninja The Mission Force (co-starring Brad himself!).
Determinator: Brad Jones himself. He willingly sits down to watch movies like Gross Out, Necromantik, and E.T. the Porno. And then there's his Brad Tries segments...
Disco Dan: Brad himself seems to resemble this trope a lot, the eighties was his decade. He's even been in Genre Throwbacks to sleazy eighties movies.
'80s Dan, ostensibly another of Brad's shows, appears briefly in the Caligula review. Now officially a character since "Brad Tries New Coke".
It's been all but confirmed that Obscurus Lupa is his distaff counterpart on TGWTG. This is only in term of the genre as Lupa and Snob have vastly different reviewing styles and Lupa generally sticks to newer stuff.
Does Not Like Shoes: The Snob goes barefoot, or at least sockless-with-loafers, in every episode. Brad gives contradictory reasons for this in his Cannibal Holocaust and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls videos.
Driven to Suicide: As seen in Phelous' second 100th episode, he fails spectacularly.
Snob: This seems about right. After Dr. Sex couldn't help me, I, uh, see no other alternative. * Hangs himself only to fall onto the floor immediately after* Snob: *Stands up while hacking and wheezing* Fuck that!
And in Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) after he realizes that they comedically dubbed over a rape scene he goes to take a shower (fully clothed) and still feels dirty watching it.
He's also disgusted by The Child Bride and remarks that he's seen a woman impaled from her vagina to her mouth, and yet a scene in that movie where a grown man "proposes" to a 12 year old by giving her a doll makes him uncomfortable. In general anything involving children being hurt tends to get this reaction out of The Snob. This may also be some of Brad's real life Papa Wolf tendency shining through.
Jake was not amused by the pedophilia jokes made in the opening scene of Thats My Boy.
In Faces of Death, he states that the real deaths were cut off as it's innappropriate to joke about them.
Ear Worm: The Snob claims both the Porno Holocaust and Tortugas Pinjas themes are this. The greatest example seems to be a song from "Nudist Colony of the Dead", which the Snob was so fond of he had it as his ringtone in his review of "Astro-Zombies".
Enforced Method Acting: The video on Breaking Dawn Part 1 with Jillian getting plastered with all kinds of messy things. She revealed she knew what the items were, but didn't know when she'd get hit with them.
In their review of Tree of Life, Jake angrily referred to Jerrid as "Mister Potatohead".
Radiodrome: Josh Hadley is nicknamed "Faggot Josh".
Epic Fail: "I destroyed World of Warcraft with gibberish."
Erotic Eating: Doug and a bacon lollipop in "Brad Tries Pizza Beer". Heavily lampshaded, followed by him ripping the poor thing off its stick with his teeth.
Even the Girls Want Her: Brad accidentally putting his movie ahead of his wife's pick, Moment By Moment, in the Netflix queue. Luckily, Jillian is game for it.
"It's no Lily Tomlin's ass in the moonlight, but it'll do."
Even Snobs Have Standards: The Snob is generally portrayed as being okay with pretty much any sort of depravity, and doesn't even blink at scenes of sexual sadism, and yet anything involving children being hurt or abused gets a Dude, Not Funny! reaction, especially since in character the Snob is a Child Hater.
He also refused to joke about the real animal deaths in Cannibal Holocaust, stating that there's limits on how sadistic a film can be, and that "there are some things that you just don't do."
In his Top 10 Worst Films of 2010 video, he comments that it feels like he's just picking on The Twilight Saga when he mentions Twilight: Eclipse.
Faces of Death sticks mostly to the fake kills. "I don't want to be the dick who makes fun of the cyclist who gets run over by a semi truck."
In Bibleman, The Snob realizes he's picking on little kids singing about the Bible. "Do I make any more jokes? How many more jokes can I make before I just sound like a prick?"
"I get the title now. Sorry, sorry; I thought this movie was going to be about a guy in Texas who liked to kill chainsaws."
Played straight for the most part. "It seems like I've gotten to the point on this show where, really, I don't even think I need to watch the damn movie... What's this I have today? Curse of the Cannibal Confederates? Oh yeah, I'm sure there's a huge chance this is gonna be a Venice-set murder mystery!"
Exiled to the Couch: Brad opening his mouth to give Jillian his impression of Twilight — Smash Cut to Brad getting kicked out of the house. This happens twice.
The Brad Tries segments. Not just that he consumes unusual or disgusting-sounding foods, but that he cheerfully imbibes discontinued soft drinks with sell-by dates somewhere in The Eighties.
Spurred on by a scene in Caligula, he pauses the review to do a brief Brad Tries where he drinks Human Blood (Well, allegedly anyway). His only complaint was that he was required to heat it up first.
And for A Clockwork Orange, to the point where he gets mad at A Clockwork Orgy for taking a line from the film out of context.
Brad pointing out everything Gary and Phil got wrong about the cartoons they were complaining about on the Deception of a Generation episodes of DVD-R Hell.
Fan Disservice: The Nudist Colony of the Dead review, during the Ear Worm sequence the Snob runs out onto his deck butt-naked. This later gets a Continuity Nod in the form of a reference to "that incident on the porch".
Fan Hater:invoked Generally not, but he referred to the other people in his showing of Transformers: Dark of the Moon as "some of the dumbest motherfuckers in this town" specifically because they enjoyed the movie.
Fanservice: Let's just say that in general, Brad never misses an opportunity to remind us that his ex-wife has a killer rack. Like, never.
Specifically, in The Big Box, Brad is only too happy to flaunt his wife's cleavage and make tasteless jokes on the subject.
And to top it all off, she has a topless scene in The Cinema Snob movie.
Fascinating Eyebrow: Jerrid deploys it in the Cannibal Holocaust review. "I wonder who the real critics are."
Faux Symbolism:invoked He complains about this in his review of A Serbian Film.
If you want to make a movie complaining about a government, do it. Don't film two Brazilian girls eating shit and say it's an analogy to the apartheid.
Felony Misdemeanor: A Clockwork Orgy's equivalent of the Ludovico treatment is a cure for promiscuous sex, which involves showing the patient lots and lots of— normal sex.
Snob: If you really want to keep her from having sex again, THIS is how the scene should have gone! [plays a barrage of scenes from E.T: The Porno, Beaver & Buttface, and Super Hornio Bros.].
In The Gestapo's Last Orgy, two of the tortures seen are dunking the victim in milk and putting them in a pit of gerbils.
The Snob recieved an anonymous package containing a movie called Guinea Pig which is presented as if it were a Snuff Film. Snob is horrified and calls the police. When the detective shows up and watches the film, the Snob immediatly decries it as a fake, saying he called the police because of how poorly the movie was made.
When Brad's Midnight Screenings re-reviewed Prometheus, he was shocked and insulted when he noticed that one of the cast spoke one of her lines like a question rather than a statement.
Fetish Retardant: invokedEvery movie that tries to sell itself with nudity and/or sex, perhaps most notably Hardgore.
Snob: Eaugh! I do not feel like fucking something!
Jillian's hell-bent on a romantic Valentine's Day — even if the wrong movie came in the mail.
Brad:(shudder) "It'll do"?? It was a rape movie! Jillian: Wanna have sex now?♥ Brad: NO!
Also happens in his Caligula review.:
Snob: This is actually a pretty sexy love scene. I think maybe I should-
Snob: Oh, what the fuck! Head Chopping? That's what you're cutting to!?
A forty-year-old John Holmes in Batman pajamas. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my swimmers (gestures at ball sack) hanging themselves with their own tails!"
Five-Man Band: He often gets his friends involved with vlog movie reviews and Brad Tries episodes, a number of which have had enough recurring appearances to be considered part of the Snob Team:
Flat "What.": When he found out there was a Caligula part 2.
Follow the Leader: Brad Tries... has spawned many imitators, many of them fellow TGWTG reviewers. Even though LordKat was actually the first to do these tasting style shows on the site, he didn't make it a regular feature like Brad did.
Food Slap: Jillian tries to review Twilight: Breaking Dawn, but Brian and Brad keep pelting her with concession snacks (and later, pies).
Fourth Wall Mail Slot: A viewer writes to express concerns about the Snob telling his audience to call their girlfriend a "hot pussied little whore."
Snob: Well, there's your problem. You gotta pay them before you call them a hot pussied little whore!
Freeze Frame Bonus: In his review of Violent Shit, he comments on the choppy editing. For a brief second you can see Brad sitting naked, reading a newspapaer.
Fridge Logic: invoked"If Hell is for Heroes, does that mean Heaven is for Villains?"
During Nudist Colony of The Dead his cat wanders onscreen and watches as he throws a crumpled up newspaper across the room.
The video "Brad Tries Durian Toffee" could just as plausibly be titled "Brad's Cat Has Fun", given that it hops around on the couch behind Brad, falls down behind it, gets out, and falls back in multiple times.
In "Brad Tries Jones Soda Christmas Packs", the cat has her own show in the background.
In "Brad Tries Sperm", Brad has to caution his cat against sniffing the curiously-named canned cocktail he's about to consume, as that would just make the video all kinds of illegal.
At the end of the Rock: It's Your Decision review, Brad describes just how messed up the movie was & how it pretty much detailed the utter ruination of the main character as he is brainwashed. As he states that he is sure that, ten years later, the main character would hang himself, Lloyd picked that EXACT moment to jump up onto the couch as Brad smiles.
In one episode, Lloyd starts meowing quite loudly off-screen, to which Brad reacts by assuring the cat they will drink the drink, which shuts the cat up.
In the Hilter: Dead or Alive review, Douchey McNitpick caps off his letter on the production date of Violent Shit III by saying "P.S.: Lloyd!" It cuts back, and the Snob turns to find Lloyd perched on top of the chair.
In "Brad Tries The Canwich And Super Rooster Booster", Lloyd pops on the table to take a sniff at some breadcrumbs, meows while Brad and Brian try the energy drink ("I think Lloyd wants some") and then when they show off the crumby mess the Canwich made, Lloyd lurks around before hopping on the couch to take a peek out the window.
Lloyd also jumps up on his lap for most of Gross Out.
Guardian Angel: How does he fit that into his pants!?
The real world isn't far off, as he complains about an unwanted erection in The Gestapo's Last Orgy. For emphasis, Brad knocks on the middle of his shirt while winking.
Gamer Chick: Brad walks in one Jillian doing "D&D stuff" in one review.
Getting Crap Past the Radar: In a blink and you miss it moment, during his review of Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2, Ricky's mom's nipple can be seen in the flashback of her rape by the Santa rapist, only it's easy to miss due to the fast editing of the scene.
Glasses Pull: Indicates Brad is breaking character, which he often does when discussing something personal to him.
Godwin's Law: Invoked at the end of They Saved Hitler's Brain.
"You know, that law that says if you compare something to Nazis, you lose the argument. I guess that means "They Saved Hitler's Brain" is good now. (bitter laugh) Well, son of a bitch.
Gone Horribly Right: After seeing it used in Cannibal Ferox, the Snob decides to see what would happen if he called his wife a "hot-pussied little whore". Coitus Ensues.
Good Old Ways: Since you've read this far down the article, this should be obvious.
What's all this, then? Teenagers in a slasher flick drinking beer?? (The Mutilator)
Brad: Modern horror movies do it way more hardcore. Why, just the other day, I saw movie where the characters were... (hushed tone) drinking non-diet soda!
Gorn: A few of the films he reviews. On Pieces he even snarks about blip.tv's censorship policies, as he only needs to censors breasts instead of the bloody mess that is the scene...
Groin Attack: While watching Rape Squad with Mrs. Snob, the Snob visibly recoils each time one of the girls takes a stick to a training dummy's crotch.
In the world of Violent Shit 4.0, it's easier to rip someone's dick off than to slash a guy on a tank. Poor Jerrid...
Snob: Something that obscure still makes me feel a little pretentious.
In Goldengirl, it goes as far as Snob taking off the glasses and messing up the hair to show Brad enjoys it too. He suggests both the audience to watch it and someone to properly release it on DVD.
Gushing About Characters You Like: He flat-out breaks character to rave about Susan Anton in Goldengirl. Luckily for him, she's not a transsexual this time — just a Nazi test subject.
Ha Ha Ha No: Brad and Jerrid share a laugh over accidentally blowing up Azeroth. Then — "You do realize, like, ten million people just committed suicide right now."
Artie: Ain't no such thing as too young! You're just too old! Black chef:(boisterous laugh) Snob: Ha ha ha ha — oh, pedophilia!
Los Pornos Sin Son: It's Lisa Simpson, see? She's playing a saxophone that's two dildos strapped together.
"Ha ha ha ha SHE'S EIGHT."
From his Top 11 Cinema Snob Moments of 2011:
Snob: (venomously) Ha Ha Ha I PUNCHED SOMEBODY.note A reference to his crossover with Obscurus Lupa, where he failed to pull his punch for one of the gags.
Half Truth: "Would you think I was lying if I said the first scene in this movie featured featured someone pounding wood?" [cut to a hammer pounding nails]
Happy Place: Brad closes his eyes and dreams of seagulls during Necromantik's corpse-fucking scene. Unfortunately, he's watched too many exploitation films by that point for this to work.
Hard Work Montage: Insert homemade montage for Strike of the Panther.
Harsher in Hindsight: In-universe, the very first words of the "Beware! Children at Play" review are "I hate children." (Which isn't a new fact, if you've watched enough Snob episodes). The last scene of the film is a good 5 minutes of the mob murdering the children in various ways. The Snob is stunned to silence and proceeds to order a bucket that he throws up into.
Have a Gay Old Time: Brad's a big enough Looney Tunes nerd to pick up on overdubbing, such as when Taz tosses salad. "For over twenty years, those have been the noises I make whenever I toss a mean salad!" He instantly recognizes his error and flips the bird to the audience.
Hey, That's My Line!: A variation, during his review of Dracula (The Dirty Old Man).
Alucard: I wonder how come her hair's moving in this cave. That's strange. Nothing else is moving. Snob: Uh, that's my job to point that shit out, not yours. Go back to acting in your shitty movie!
Inevitably happens during a crossover with Oancitizen.
Oan: What, you have a monopoly on condescension? Snob: I INVENTED being condescending on the internet!!
From Snob's actual reviews, Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) is a notable example. Snob gets especially frustrated when a character who is clearly supposed to have lines winds up completely mute.
Hostile Show Takeover: In his review of Twilight: Eclipse. It starts with Jillian giving a positive review, only for Brad to hijack the audio and give his thoughts.
Jake threatens one, when they joke about booby-trapping his house to make him think it's haunted after watching Paranormal Activity.
Brad Wasn't us, man. It was a ghost.. I've got way too much porn to watch to be doing that shit.
Jake If my house becomes booby-trapped, do not be mad at me if I seek vengeance. I won't be all spooky, like the ghost. I'll shoot you in the fucking head. It's no longer the Cinema Snob, it's now the Cinema Jake website.. to Hell with you, I'm taking it over.
Hurricane of Euphemisms: His review of Super Hornio Brothers is cluttered with Mario references.
Hypocrisy Nod: In Nudist Colony of the Dead he points out that he's hardly in a position to criticize the film's bad lighting, and cuts to a badly lit screenshot from one of his reviews.
Hypocritical Humor: During the review of Woodchipper Massacre, the Snob makes fun of a kid in glasses by saying "What a fucking nerd!"... while adjusting his almost-identical glasses.
In his review of Alienator, he chews out the movie for waiting 20 minutes to get to its credit sequence, saying that all movies that do that, no matter what the quality, suffer by taking the viewer out of the flow. This is immediately followed by his opening credits popping up five minutes into the review.
He calls out Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars for randomly cutting to one second of footage outside of a psychiatrist's session before cutting right back... then cuts from the middle of his rant to a short clip from the video for "Jungle Boy."
Cinema Snob: What? So this movie, criticized for its graphic violence, now has sex? Now how are the kids supposed to see it!?
"Pfft. Taking Caucasian ninja footage and then splicing it in with whatever random movie you come across? I must say, they certainly do not make them that this anymore — thank God." Cue trailer for Ninja the Misson Force, Brad and Ed's parody of Godfrey Ho films.
The Deception of a Generation review has tons of it, with the hosts complaining about "occult imagery" in 80s cartoons and Brad pointing out similar things in The Bible and Looney Tunes that they have no problem with.
I-P
I Hate Past Me: Upon seeing Video Violence 2, Brad receives an angry phone call from 2007!Brad (pre-beard), fresh from his original Video Violence review. Brad offers some much-needed advice to his past self - made funnier if you've seen all of Brad's reviews, and are familiar with his tumultuous life - all of which goes unheeded. "What an asshole!"
The effect is so seamless, people are still unsure of whether Brad literally recorded himself in 2007 in preparation for the sequel.
Also, in Italian Batman he sees his other review of an Italian film without dubbing/subtitles (Porno Holocaust), and engages on some Self-Deprecation.
The Hot Pocket gag in Crazy Fat Ethel 2 doesn't hold up five years later. "Ha ha ha, it's funny because it's fattening. Joke's on you, asshole: You gained like 50 pounds that year."
I Have Many Names: Brad had reason to suspect Zombi 7 was added to IMDB as an alternate title specifically in the hope he'd review it.
He munches on a granola bar as the feces flows in Gross Out, and Crazy Fat Ethel gives him a hankering for Hot Pockets.
Texas Chainsaw left him with a craving for a McRib. "What? It's probably made of the same thing they were eating."
Infant Immortality: Very, very, very subverted at the end of Beware! Children At Play.
Inferred Holocaust: Los Porno Sin Son - "Out of curiosity, is anybody watching Maggie during all this? Why do I get the feeling she died hours ago?"
Inherently Funny Words: "Yeti, n. 1. A mythical large furry humanoid said to inhabit the Himalayas. 2. One of the funniest damn words ever (See also "buggery")."
Innocent Innuendo: The surprise twist in the original Sleepaway Camp, which even the Snob could appreciate. "Surprise penis shocks even the tightest of asses!" (points at self)
Insult Backfire: Brad loved Tron: Legacy, so when Spoony in his "Top 11 worst movies of 2010" list said that anyone who liked Tron: Legacy was "easily amused and has no standards", Brad had to respond in his top eleven favorite list.
Brad: I know, I know, I'm easily amused and have no standards. It's true. *Smiles coyly*
Snob: *Puts paper down* Pfht, whatever, I hated this fuckin' movie! *Puts paper back up* No fucking sense...
Insult to Rocks: Brad says that comparing Violent Shit to an Uwe Boll movie is an insult to Uwe Boll.
"Aww!! The Captain & Tennille is a sin now, too?! Calling The Captain & Tennille a "sin" is a sin against the word sin!"
Ironic Echo: Brad makes fun of a character's line delivery in The Mutilator when he exclaims, "I got a baaaaaaad feeling about this!" ("I don't understand what approaching the Death Star has to do with anything.") Once the slasher breaks out his fishhook for the signature kill, Brad uneasily repeats the quote. Yeecch.
Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Jillian gets fed up at Brad narrating what's happening onscreen. She also can't figure out how Brad is dubbing Friday the 13th music into the film just by watching it. (Rape Squad)
Brad: As long as you just think about the reference, it'll magically happen in the movie.
Mad Libs Catchphrase: "If I want to see a [thing, mostly genre X movie], I'll stick with real [things/genre X movies] — like [better-known but still obscure example], thank you very much."]
"You're about as [adjective] as [Well-known actor deliberately used as a bad example]!"Example
Besides participating in Kickassia, the 100th episode review of Caligula was filled with cameos.
Also counts as a Bat Family Crossover as his review has guest segments from all of his shows at the time, including Brad Tries, Softly From Cable and the Big Box, all of the members of Team Snob and an Early-Bird Cameo from 80's Dan.
There's also the review of Troll 4 he did with Phelous that is half cameos, half Snob and Phelous making things up.
He was also a kickass Indiana Jones during Suburban Knights, even wearing the outfit on the train into Chicago for the filming.
Mean Character, Nice Actor: The real Brad Jones is very gracious towards his fans and generally seems like a nice person, and frequently does reviews as himself, instead of being in-character as The Cinema Snob. Much of the time, it's easy to mistake the Snob's opinions as Brad's own, even though the Snob himself is an exaggerated Caustic Critic, and Brad frequently finds himself writing hateful reviews for movies he actually likes.
Brad specifically mentions that "Snobbing" his favourite movie of all time, Caligula, was particularly heartbreaking.
The reverse is also true - Brad remarks that writing a praising review of Salo Or The 120 Days Of Sodom was one of the most difficult things he's ever done.
His nice guy attitude even shined through when he "had to be the bad guy" by saying that he was really displeased with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
Need more proof? his latest cameo alongside his aforementioned Distaff Counterpart - Obscurus Lupa - wherein during one of the takes (see the outtakes at the end of the review)...he accidentally punches her ...in the face. He immediately starts apologizing and hugging the girl.
And then gives her the greatest two-second cameo ever, when Kung-Tai Ted randomly shows up and punches the Snob in the face. Cut to Lupa, with a laugh.
Apparently inverted by Jerrid Foiles, who played himself as an eternal nice, if slightly dumb guy, but, well, more details elsewhere...
Memetic Badass: invoked The snob is a Pierre Kirby fanboy, much like Spoony is one for Reb Brown and Lupa is a Cynthia Rothrock fangirl.
Ward Bond shot down an airplane with a tommy gun, shaved off Hitler's mustache, and called him "toots."
Missing Episode: Grizzly II can no longer be seen after the film's producer went berserk.
Also, the Sexploitation trilogy, if you live in a country where Veoh is blocked, or don't feel like fucking up your computer with unwarranted spyware just to watch beyond the first five minutes.
Mood Whiplash: He gets so fed up with it in The Last House on the Left, he vows the next time someone delivers tragic news, he'll react with "madcap comedy."
Brad: A movie that contains the legendary action heroes of our youth, along with the best action heroes of current cinema. And Steve Austin.
My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Snob's "Snob Senses" started tingling when Linkara mentioned that an exploitation Superman porno movie is something that he should most likely be reviewing.
Mythology Gag: Brad's two-part review of I Spit on Your Grave features Jerrid as "Creepy Movie Theater Guy", a parody of a couple of sadistic Nightmare Fetishist audience members that Roger Ebert supposedly encountered during his own viewing of the film. Given that the character of The Cinema Snob was largely inspired by of Ebert's rants against gory horror movies, this is doubly funny.
Name McAdjective: He called an actor in Weasels Rip My Flesh "Steve McSeventies".
Hitler: Dead or Alive: "You wanna know my name? It's Frankie Überchop!"
He referred to the female lead in Home Sweet Home as "Blondie McSurvivor".
The headliner victim in Cannibal Ferox, "Impaled McTitties."
Jake the pedophile in Child Bride is called "Creepy McChildfucker".
Saucy McProbablyhasnudityinhercontract (Mother's Day 2010)
No, Except Yes: "Why are there so many sci-fi movies in the public domain? Because it's pretty fucking easy to have two characters in a dark room talking to each other about space-shit and calling it "sci-fi". Is Star Odyssey one of those types of science fiction films? Absolutely not. It has much more than two characters, who occupy boring sets and talk about space-shit so they can call it a sci-fi film."
Snob: Of course I'm to much of a snob to admit I fucked up. [Beat] I fucked up.
Noodle Implements: Has to invoke this in the tour of Tiberius' palace in Caligula because everything is too graphic for him to show.
Snob: Oh no, you can't stick an entire pole up there! Can you really make a featherwheel like that? You know, a Roman sex swing looks like a really inconvenient way to get a blowjob! Is that... is that a fucking snake?
"Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The Snob occasionally goes out of his way to point out that a piece of background music or bit of editing in a movie is what is actually in the movie and not something he added to the footage himself.
The Snob goes out of his way to point out, yes, Crackers Phinn is the name credited.
Fester Smellman, P. Floyd Piranha, and Zoofeet?
The premise of Elves.
Wrap your brain around this, internet:Turkish I Spit On Your Grave.
On the mannequin in Maniac: "The supporting cast in this movie is very wooden."
On The Corpse Grinders's characters being ground into cat food: "I guess it only takes one life to make a perfect can of 9 Lives!"
With The Cinema Snob movie in post-production, Brad informs the viewer that he'll be reviewing "something that only requires half my attention." Cue the all-midget western!
Offscreen Teleportation: In the review of Rape Squad, Lloyd the cat disappears from Jillian's lap between cuts, and Brad seems to be the only one of the two who notices.
Old Shame: Apparently, he doesn't really like his third review "Wanda, The Sadistic Hypnotist" because he didn't like how he was doing it in the upstairs living room and how he had a Critical Research Failure at the end. invoked
He's not a big fan of most of his older episodes in general, as he felt he was trying to be too angry. His Video Violence 2 review, done three years after he reviewed the first Video Violence, has him mocking his old style throughout the review.
Young Snob:(throws video to the ground with a smash) Current Snob: Interesting, I forgot the DVD I had was the Limited Glass Case Edition.
Lloyd starred in a few 70s exploitation movies, including one in French.
"REALLY, Lloyd? Were you THAT hard up for cash?"
Brad hates some of the older films he did within the Stoned Gremlin Films brand. Cancelled Sitcoms and Straight to Video are two he really hates in particular. Cancelled Sitcoms was done for a college class he took and was done in an artsy style, while Straight To Video was a much more comedic film. Thankfully for Brad both are probably Lost Forever (His only copy of Cancelled was part of his old DVD collection that got stolen) though he said Hooker With A Heart Of Gold was based on elements of the latter film.
One Steve Limit: Brad has two friends named Brian in "Team Snob", so one of them is referred to by his last name, Irving.
Overly Long Gag: Parodied the Family Guy style of this during Grizzly II. He goes out to his porch, tries to pick up a box that keeps slipping out of his hands, and then just grabs it and throws it off porch yelling at the camera This isn't funny!
Played straight during Cannibal Ferox in a sequence where the Snob devours an entire tin of Bubble Tape.
When reviewing a Sasquatch porno called The Geek, he despaired that "not only would 'Sascrotch' be a better title, but it would be an amazing title!"
Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Parodied in the Softly From Cable episode covering Animal Instinct. The female protagonist gets a visit from a cable guy who makes some Accidental Innuendo, to which Jillian's character responds, "I know where this is going... he's going to order her a pizza."
Product Displacement: The iconic "Singin' in the Rain" scene in A Clockwork Orange is bowdlerized with "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in its porn spoof.
Snob: Oh yeah, Gene Kelly's second-most popular song! Let me guess, they're going to replace Beethoven with "On Top of Spaghetti"!
Production Throwback: "Good God! You're drunk! And shockingly racist! And you're wearing blackface!" This line from Gross Out is parroting Spoony's character in The Cinema Snob Movie.
Q-Z
Quizzical Tilt: Necromantik leaves Brad invoking this a lot.
And again when trying to comprehend Dolemite's lingo.
This is Lloyd's reaction to the "don't molest me" song from "Too Smart For Strangers".
Raging Stiffie: The Gestapo's Last Orgy provokes this from the Snob, who yells at his own crotch in protest. "Now? You're gonna do this NOW?"
And in Black Devil Doll from Hell, he says that the film is so unsexy that thinking about Porno Holocaust is giving him an erection. Then, without changing his facial expression, he reaches over, grabs a jug of water and pours on his crotch.
Raised Catholic: While Brad's professed beliefs aren't explicitly Catholic, he mentioned in passing that he had attended religious school and knows a number of Christian friends. This is especially evident while reviewing stuff like Rock: It's Your Decision and Deception of a Generation, wherein he utterly skewers both works at their own game. He himself identifies as being agnostic.
A Character in Elves: I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis. Snob: Are you aware that that's a sentence that just came out of your mouth!?
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
"Roger Ebert wrote a movie where a transsexual beheads a man, then scares away a Nazi with a sword while the Twentieth Century Fox music plays in the background. (beat) Roger Ebert may have been the greatest screenwriter of all time."
Real Life Writes the Plot: Brad's DVD collection was stolen during his move, which was referenced on the show.
The theft was precipitated by Brad's layoff from his job. Brad conducts "Sexploitation Week" while sitting on the bare floor, inspiring him to label those reviews the Floor Season. (He didn't actually sell off his furniture - the iconic chair returned in due time).
As of 2012, Brad and Travis have separated from their spouses. 80's Dan lampooned this by recasting "Dolly" with a terrible male actor (who is later shot) and having the Crabtrees constantly at each others' throats.
80's Dan - Probably the most obscure of all, this one is from a James D Parriot/Universal cop show called Hawaiian Heat. It ran on ABC in 1984 and flopped horribly.
Referenced in the "McDLT" episode, where a "Hawaiian Heat" TV spot was used as the commercial break.
Brad and Jerrid - Bay City Blues, another extremely obscure one.
The Manimal theme is Brad's personal theme song, complete with the "Manimal!" and panther growl.
Lloyd's theme music is the goofy Troll music from Troll 3 (the Ator sequel). Yes, the cat has a theme song.
Reference Overdosed: Brad enjoys making obscure pop culture references to older exploitation films, B-movies, failed TV pilots and other stuff that invites you to consult an encyclopaedia or surf the Internet for more background information.
"Whaddaya mean, it's April 2nd? Whaddaya mean, that overdose of Zequil kept me up for 24 hours?? And why do I keep repeating everything you're saying???"
Remember the New Guy: 80s Dan, in the Caligula review. ZigZagged in that he disappears when the Snob realizes his show doesn't exist, then when 80s Dan returns on "Brad Tried New Coke" and not even Brad knows who he is.
"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead? I like that! Guess I have to hate it now!" "How I was supposed to know he gave a negative review to A Clockwork Orange? Maybe in 1971, Two Stars meant 2 Stars out of 2!"
His Maniac review is an elaborate satire of this, taking opinions from real critics such as Gene Siskel and placing them in-context with the film footage.
Running Gag: Team Snob casually slamming Priest during the Current Movie Reviews series. Ultimately results in Jake praising it as a cinematic masterpiece after having to sit through both The Smurfs and Spy Kids 4.
Attempting to end review early by saying "One of these days, I'm going to get that [villain]", then cutting to the credits, a la The Geek.
If this movie doesn't end with [reference to another, similar film], I'm gonna be pissed!
Sarcasm Mode: When Brad's voice goes smooth and soft, that's a sign he's in snob mode and is going to diss the gory slasher film for not being properly artsy.
Saying Too Much: Brad turns to Lloyd during The Corpse Grinders:
Well that's the last time I feed you leftover bits of Jerrid No. 1. [beat] Did, uh...did I say too much?"
"You slasher fans can have your Sleepaway Camp. But I know a good steam room to go to when I want water balloon-fights, bunk bed orgies, and shorty-shorts! ...Perhaps I've said too much."
Schedule Slip: Brad is really good about making sure that something new is posted on his website on a regular basis, but that's possible due to the fact that he has at least eight shows to choose from, they do not all update on a regular schedule, mostly due to amounts of reviewable material, the amount of work that goes into an episode or just plain interest on his part.
For example, Brad and his friends all seem to love 80s Dan, but the fact that the show (Which is still a nostalgic snark-review show) is structured like an 80s Sitcom with the biggest cast out of all of his shows means that they can only do a few episodes a year.
Science Is Bad: The children in the episode of Bibleman he reviews sing about science as if it's some kind of disease you can catch, and if exposed to it, you need to 'go to your Bible in time' for fear of, I dunno, Science-cooties or something.
Sexy Santa Dress: His wife wore one for a Christmas edition of The Big Box.
Self-Deprecation: "This seems like a scene from a pretentious student film. Did I make this movie??"
In one of the Cannibal Holocaust segments with Jerrid and Mrs. Snob, Jerrid notes that he hates it when these review shows have plot-lines.
80s Dan's Halloween costume. "I'm that pretentious guy from that internet show!"
The titular character in Criminally Insane is diagnosed with symptoms Brad can identify with.
If there was any place where you'd be guaranteed to get some, it would be a porn spoof. But no, Dickman & Throbbin have to resort to skin magazines.
"This isn't a porno! This is me at fifteen!"
"Do you really think we have time to decide who sucks what? We've got a film to make!" (Gross Out)
Brad: And now you know how The Cinema Snob Movie came to be.
Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor, a film which was never, technically speaking, completed.
"There's no harm in talking about an unfinished film. I can't remember that ever going wrong in the past!" (Cue Losing Horns and Nagy's Cease and Desist)
Karate Girl - "I always have to pay a chick top dollar to do this to me, and these fuckers are getting it for free!"
He laughingly admits that the fourth iteration of Violent Shit has surpassed his own films in quality.
"My, how Shot on Shitteo has grown! Back in the 80's, it was something to crack jokes about and snicker at when you passed them in the video store. And nowadays, I'm in several of them!"
Sequel Hook: At times he ends a review saying what next will be. A variant was when Kung Tai Ted reviewed The Story Of Ricky and the Snob said that after seeing that, "Now I have to review the fucking movie!" (and as a Call Back, in the end of the Riki-Oh review the Snob goes after "the guy I saw watching it on TV")
Sharp Dressed Man: The Snob, though Brad frequently wears suits in real life too. He once filmed a vlog after going to a water park with friends wearing a t-shirt, a bathing suit, and his suit jacket.
It is said that Brad modeled his distinctive sense of style on his idol, George Lazenby (whose autographed poster and action figure at on his shelf). According to Spoony, the suit jacket is his "armor".
Shaped Like Itself: Clearly, I Spit On Your Grave is a terrible film, "because it is a rape revenge film that DARES to have rape revenge in it!"
While watching Rape Squad with his then-wife Jillian, he winces and grabs his sensitive bits every time a member of the titular squad kicks a training dummy in the crotch.
I Spit on Your Grave: When watching Jennifer grab the knife in order to castrate Johnny in the bathtub, the Snob slowly crosses his legs and grabs his crotch.
Snob: Ewww...please tell me she's making toast between his legs and she's using that to spread jam!
Soundtrack Dissonance: Given that the Snob tends to review exploitation films, his delightfully upbeat theme song often plays over images of horrific violence. One episode actually opened with the Snob questioning "why is my theme song so fucking happy?"
Also done in homage to A Clockwork Orange when the Snob says that only one thing that could make a murder scene in Island of Death more disturbing, then plays "Singin' In The Rain" over it.
In Caligula, when the title character makes his pregnant wife dance for his horse, the music gets overdubbed with the theme from Mr. Ed.
The Snob doesn't quite know what to make of the tender piano score played over the necrophilia scenes in Nekromantik.
Lampshaded again with Cannibal Ferox's funk soundtrack.
"No. No. I'm not in the mood for the music. I'm fucking pissed off!" (starts bobbing his head to the beat)
The Mutilator's catchy theme tune makes Brad feel like he's attending a Porky's marathon.
Funnily enough, Violent Shit 4.0 returns with a new score for a new century, which displeases Brad.
"I've seen Violent Shit. The music should sound like this:" (plays light reggae)
"I've been waiting to use this music the whole episode!"
Speak In Unison: Brad and Jillian share a drawn out, bored "Really?" when a character breaks her heel. And then they share a kiss. Too cute.
Special Effect Failure: Calls many of them out, such as the Brutes and Savages crocodile death where a tribesman is killed by a hand puppet in a pool that's supposed to be a river in Africa.
Spinoff: Eighties Dan is a character originated in the Cinema Snob's Caligula review. He later got his own sitcom-like show on his website.
Spoof Aesop: [sigh] Let this be a lesson to you on campus. If you see a tracksuit-wearing Chinaman, he WILL attack you. And mispronounce his L's. Because he had "bad chop suey". Could that have been any more out of nowhere?!" ("Pieces")
Subverted immediately by Kung Tai Ted materializing out of nowhere and punching the Snob.
"If you work hard enough, you could make a career in playing Hitler!" (Hitler: Dead or Alive)
"If you see a psychotic dwarf carrying toys, and he drops a cymbal monkey, DON'T help him. And DON'T investigate it!" (The Sinful Dwarf)
"Vaginas are Satan! 1974 told me so!" (Angel Above, Devil Below)
"Whether we think about Santa this season, or Jesus, whether we're religious, or we just like presents, we can all agree on one thing. And that's that killing Nazis is fun." (80s Dan's Christmas)
Mr T: Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool has such gems as, "If you have a gold allergy, best go home because you can't be anybody, much less somebody", "When you forget your pants, just take off more clothes!", and "Maybe I, too, can one day star in my own tampon commercial".
If you're ever in danger, do nothing, and God will smite Dr. Insano for you. (Bibleman)
Troubled marriage? Just get an (arguably high) porn star to have sex with your wife, and she'll run back to your waiting arms in no time! (Dickman & Throbbin)
If you continually fantasize about fucking a werewolf, you'll finally want to sleep with your homely fiancée! But then you'll quickly change your mind. (La bête)
Here's to alcohol, the cause of and solution to your tiny penis. (Los Pornos Sin Son:)
"Y'see boys, if you have a girl who's crushing on you who you're not really into, the obvious answer is to make sure they get as fat at possible. That way, they'll be too distracted by food, and too slow to chase you down! (incredulous laughter) Thanks, seventies!"
"See, this is what happens when you wear white after Labor Day. A serial killer will be able to spotlight you from a mile away!" (The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 1974)
"It doesn't matter where you are: If you get a bunch of Japanese people together, it willturn into a parade." (Tampon Tango)
When John Wayne Gacy asks you to his secret hiding place, you say 'no.' There are plenty of nice people out there with crawlspaces. (Return to Sleepaway Camp)
You heard it here! If your wife doesn't want to go see porn with you in a theater, shoot her in the head. (42nd Street Forever)
Squee: This was the Snob's reaction to finding that there was another Pierre Kirby movie that he had not seen.
Also, when he realizes that Extra-Terrestrial Visitors is actually Pod People, his favorite MST3K film.
Squick: His reaction to finding out the lead actress of Crazy Fat Ethel 2 had been in a Seventies porno was just him saying "No" repeatedly while running away.
Two words: Child Bride. Not since A Serbian Film had Cinema Snob felt uneasy in reviewing a movie.
One of his catchphrases is a distinctive "Ewww!" when he comes across this sort of thing.
The very appropriately titled Gross Out, a bottom-of-the-barrel movie so revolting and disgusting that Brad gives his viewers permission to not watch the episode.
Stable Time Loop: In Brad's review of Video Violence 2, he gets a call from the Cinema Snob of 2007 that just reviewed Video Violence 1, warning him not to review the second movie. During the call, 2010 Snob inspires 2007 Snob to review another movie, suggested changes to his show, and reminds 2007 Snob to appreciate his DVD collection, since some time between 2007 and 2010 his DVD collection was, in fact, stolen.
Stealth Parody: If you were to watch a typical Cinema Snob review uninitiated, you would have no idea it was a parody. Perhaps for this reason, he's started doing out-of-character intros to his more recent reviews.
The Stinger: In a tradition borrowed from MST3K, the last seven seconds (approximately) of every review consists of one particularly embarrassing moment from the film.
As noted above, Brad plum ran out of stock footage from Sleepaway Camp. So he inserts a clip from The Refrigerator instead.
Straw Fan: Has a letter-writing one that shows up occasionally. It's unknown if he's related to Douchey McNitpick
Stunned Silence: The Snob's first response to "Virginia" in Chatter Box.
Brad (not playing a character) does this when Winnie the Pooh starts talking about child molestation with Piglet in the Too Smart for Strangers special.
The final twist to Sleepaway Camp, which made it into Brad's Favorite Moments of 2012.
(points) "THAT's a DICK!"
Inverted in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
(reaches out with both hands) "THOSE are TITS."
Stylistic Suck: Kung Tai Ted. Bad dubbing, choppy editing, and hilariously awful acting, all of which are very intentional.
Also 80's Dan, with intentionally stale jokes and obnoxious Laugh Track.
By the end of "E.T. Week", he opens a broken DVD case and is disappointed when the plastic doesn't pierce his carotid artery.
Five minutes into Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers, Brad's soul leaves his body— Only to re-enter it again and kick him in the balls.
None of the horrible gross-out humor in Gross Out gets him, but the constant mind-meltingly awful acting makes him throw up after about twenty minutes.
The heroine of Elves to her cat: "You're the only friend I have left!" Cut to a meaningful glance at Lloyd.
Snob: Pfft. Whatever. I have friends! This movie isn't... speaking to me in a weird way.
Take a Third Option: "So, which one is better, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula or Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter? That's easy! The answer is The Searchers!" (he admits the former is somewhat better)
Ebert frequently gets raked over the coals for his more polarizing opinions, particularly his one-man crusade against I Spit on Your Grave, aka the worst movie ever.
In Redneck Zombies, he does two to Toby Keith: first, saying that the toxic waste that sets off the movie's plot was later used to make him, then replacing the music that plays during a Mushroom Samba with "I Love This Bar" after saying that the existing music should be replaced by "something that takes no talent".
Sylvester Stallone got the treatment in his review of The Italian Stallion. Ten years later, Brad revisited this particular thespian in 42nd Street Forever Vol. 1.
Stallone: When you're hungry, you do a lot of things you wouldn't ordinarily do. Brad: Then what the hell was your excuse for Rhinestone?
In the Top Ten Cinema Snob Moments of 2011, he gives one to Family Guy's habit of having a character waste two minutes of every episode by repeatedly doing a mundane action.
Cinema Snob: (After spending two minutes trying and failing to pick up a cardboard box) ....THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
Jillian: I thought snobs like Scream. Snob: Even I have my limits.
Joseph Lai updated his title card with some sweet John Williams.
"Phew. Don't scare me like that; I thought this was Episode One. Thank god it's Ninja Terminator."
"[Nukie] is a lot shittier than Mac and Me, so I'm guessing it was endorsed by Hardee's."
Given that Ebert gave I Spit on Your Grave zero stars and called it the worst movie ever made, we can only imagine what he gave The Last House on the..."3½ stars?!"
Snob: I guess the addition of comic relief involving cake-making and camera-mugging, plus two bumbling cops falling off of a chicken truck and getting harassed by hippies, makes the 3½ star difference in your dark and sadistic rape revenge movie.
The irony here is that Ebert's only complaint of The Last House on the Left was that the comic relief messed with the tone. Whereas the unrelentingly dark Spit on Your Grave was dismissed as a snuff movie.
For historical context, Tromeo & Juliet was made "at a time when Jim Carrey was considered funny."
Blasting LMFAO songs as a mode of torture. (Guinea Pig: The Devil's Experiment)
Sleepaway Camp 2:
Two brothers and two sisters nicknamed "The Brady Bunch" ("It isn't because you have siblings, it's because you aren't funny."), and kids dressing up as slasher movie characters. ("Reminding you of better horror films years before Scream did!")
Sleepaway Camp 2 and 3 recycling the same sets? Hey, if he wants back-to-back sequels, he'll stick with Back to the Future Parts II & III, thank you very much!
"These movies can go hang out with Matrix 2 and 3. "
Also makes a jab at "Movie Reference Lake", where the characters keep fishing out props from Wes Craven flicks. With their luck, they'll catch the hockey mask from Jason V; "The tofu of Jason masks."
Gross Out:
"There's so many poop jokes in this movie, I might as well be watching The Smurfs 2."
Douchey McNitpick: Dear Cinema Snob, I was deeply offended by your recent—! Snob: IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE.
To mock the haters of Prometheus, Brad and friends made a fake re-review and nitpick the hell out of the movie, bashing it for having a character says a line that ends ungrammatically, David's hair being half an inch shorter than Peter O'Toole's in Lawrence of Arabia, and so on.
I Spit On Your Grave Pt. 2 opens with a savaging of Brad's earlier skit by an unseen critic. Intended as a Take That to critics who panned the movie, it doubles as a swipe at every misinformed comment ever posted on his videos.
Talk Like a Pirate: Brad starts off his "DVR Hell" series this way, then decides he's not going to host the series as a character, but as himself, and takes off the eyepatch.
Talking to Himself: Sometimes, Brad-As-Himself and Cinema Snob verbally disagree with one another as if they're in the same room; Cinema Snob hates everything, while Brad loves horrible movies, so of course they clash.
In the review of The Story Of Ricky, the Snob not only talks to Kung Tai Ted, the two have a full-fledged fight scene,
Tempting Fate: Sure to happen any time a movie he reviews has a sequel. Lampshaded in the review for Troll 3, where he declares there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that there could possibly be another Troll sequel out there and he's definitely not jinxing himself. He's wrong.
He acknowledges his having done this in his review of Ax 'Em, in which he does a Call Back to Las Vegas Bloodbath, which he had called the worst "Shot on Shitteo" film ever. He then refuses to make the same mistake with Ax 'em.
Snob: Last time I was gone this long, I came back with a movie about zombie confederate soldiers. Thank God there's not another one of those. [First five seconds of the intro tune, showing a shot of Night of Horror with zombie confederates] Snob:Fuck!
Fresh from the toxicity of Sleepaway Camp sequels, the Snob decides to cleanse his palette with a French movie, La bête.What could possibly go wrong?
That Came Out Wrong: "Entrails of a Virgin"? More like "Entrails of an Auteur Virgin"!
Snob: That's a virgin I can get behind! [shudders] That came out wrong.
That's What She Said: In Blood Feast, a grizzled, coffee-swilling detective makes it too easy with his observation, "This looks like one o' them long, hard ones."
Snob: [grits teeth] No no no. I fucking hate "That's What She Said" jokes.
They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: Invoked, one of his many complaints about Eclipse is that the backstories of the minor characters, like the vampire who fought in the Civil War, would be far more interesting than the actual story.
In the Poochinski episode of "DVD-R Hell" he says that the concept the film initially appears to be setting up — a gritty police detective show starring Peter Boyle as a cop whose only friend is a stray dog that he adopts — could potentially have made for a very good TV series. Unfortunately, what actually happened was that Boyle's character died half an hour in and his soul possessed the dog; the resulting series would have followed the adventures of Poochinski as a talking dog who teamed up with his former partner to solve crimes. Needless to say, Brad was distinctly less enthused by this concept.
The Snob's main complaint about Super Hornio Brothers.
When talking about The Asylum's Titanic II, Brad starts talking about how a glacier melting was the catalyst for the ship sinking. At this point, he realises that was how Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus started, so the films could take place in the same universe. He immediately laments that they should have had the shark sink the Titanic II.
Trademark Favourite Food: Brad LOVES Crystal Pepsi. So much that he's trying to start a letter campaign to have it revived. In the Leprechaun crossover review, he also claims drinking Crystal Pepsi is how his voice got the way it is.
According to the Cannibal Holocaust review his house is piped with that instead of tap water.
As 80's Dan, he's able to trade 90's Kid some New Coke for Crystal Pepsi during the Bimbos B.C. crossover.
Tranquil Fury: There's no other way to describe Jake during the That's My Boy review. We've seen him over-the-top mad (Smurfs, Chipmunks), but this was something beyond all of that.
"I hope you die of HERPES! You can't even die from herpes, and I HOPE YOU DO!"
Brad occasionally delves into this in DVD-R Hell, where his reviews are not in-character. Prominent instances are in Rock: It's Your Decision and Deception of a Generation - throughout the latter he is particularly livid despite never raising his voice.
True Art:invoked Often discussed. He even states he prefers Los Porno Sin Son to The Simpsons: The XXX Parody "because it's foreign and was the original".
Twist Ending: At the end of the first segment of 'Dr. Sex' we find out the whole thing was from the point of view of a dog. The Snob even admits it was actually a pretty clever twist.
Video Violence ends with the whole town having been in on the snuff-film business from the start. Brad didn't give it away during the review, but rather during the introduction of its sequel, Video Violence 2, for two reasons: one, it's been three years; and two, he just doesn't care anymore because it was stupid twist he saw coming miles away.
Beware! Children at Play ends with a five minute sequence of the adults slaughtering the kids. Brad is so horrified that he buys a bucket to vomit in.
The ending of the 80's slasher flick Sleepaway Campreveals that the main character Angela is actually a boy. Cue Brad declaring that The Crying Game is better simply because it isn't a slasher movie.
Unknown Rival: A variant in Kung Tai Ted. After being attacked by a hitman sent by bitter rival Solomon in his review of The Angry Dragon, Ted vows to find and defeat him. However, he takes so long in doing so that Solomon has long since forgotten about him by the time he finally manages it.
Unpopular Popular Character:invoked 80's Dan is this in spades. In-universe, his friends are all annoyed by him, and they don't seem to hide that fact, either.
Up to Eleven: At the end of the Anthropophagus review, Snob states that he's become numb to the horrors and atrocities he's witnessed since starting his show... and then threatens the audience with the stuff he's been holding back for the last 3 or 4 years. In other words, he has movies worse than Cannibal Holocaust, and he's been deliberately ignoring them for being too awful. ...Well, until now.
General consensus was that he kept that promise.
Viewers Are Geniuses: Most of his snarky asides are directed at fellow film buffs. The rest of us would do well to have the IMDB tab open while watching.
Visual Pun: In Porno Holocaust: "What else can't I show you in this review? This (picture of Sylvester), this (Dick Sargeant) and this (a donkey).
He spends his Bat Pussy review wearing a horse head. His first line in the mask: "I hope my voice doesn't go hoarse!"
Vomit Discretion Shot: The end of "Brad Tries The Candwich and a Super Rooster Booster", the camera is on his bathroom door as you can hear Brad puking. That canned PB&J did not agree with him.
He concedes the Beyond the Valley of the Dolls finale is "gruesome", but still pales to Kevin Ware snapping his tibia. *flash to Brad puking on his laptop*
What the Fu Are You Doing?: In the Battle between Kung Tai Ted and Master Kempo Dojo, Dojo produces a pair of nunchaku to show off with, and promptly hits himself in the groin with them. Amusingly, Ted responds by producing a pair of his own, and doing the exact same thing.
, a parody of snotty art-film lovers who hates every movie that isn't True Art. He naturally reviews mostly exploitation films and obscure foreign knockoff films.Jones also produces and hosts several other series on his website, including:
3 reviews 