The Abridged Series of Hellsing Ultimate, made by Team Four Star. That's about all you need to know.Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released in October 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012.You can find it here.
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged contains the following Tropes:
A Demi-God I Am: Luke Valentine refers to himself as a demigod when confronting Alucard. The latter proceeds to show him justhowwrongheis.
Anything That Moves: Jan mentions that, in addition to Integra, he was going to skull-fuck all of the old guys in the meeting and the random soldier ghoul that happened to be next to him.
Jan: Guess what Jeeves, that garrote wire won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? How thick is it? Well half as thick as my dick. So, thick enough you're gonna need a fucking anti-tank rifle to pierce it! And I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass!
A Wizard Did It: When it comes to explaining Alucard's ability to regenerate after being decapitated, he responded with a simple 'fuck you, that's how'.
Alucard seems pretty fond of shooting these down whenever one of his opponents delivers one.
Walter is pretty good at doing these, and backing them up.
Walter: Hello, my name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.
Bait and Switch: You'd think you'd be able to guess Father Anderson's favorite cereal after learning Alucard's is Count Chocula, right? Wrong.
Anderson: "Now, what do you say we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal, Frankenber—oh, son of a Protestant whore!"
Bait-and-Switch Credits: The first episode starts with the opening for what appears to be a One Piece Abridged Series, only to suddenly cut to a dimly-lit house full of corpses. This prank was long in the making as a preview for what they were going to show at that con suggested 'a special premiere' and showed a shoddily blurred One Piece Logo that anyone familiar with One Piece would recognize. In addition Lanipator released on his own channel five days previous him singing a song for the secret premiere, the song being the anthem for One Piece that is "We Are". Once again not alluding to anything, but still strongly suggesting it was One Piece. This comes full circle as Lanipator's karaoke version of We Are is the credits song for the first episode of Team Four Star's Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
Batman Gambit: Walter's plan to get Alucard to Brazil relies on the vampire's pathological insubordination.
Anderson: What the hell do you want, you crazy Protestant bastard?
Integra: I'm a woman.
Anderson: Call yourself whatever you want, you crazy Protestant bastard.
Big "NO!": Integra. After learning that Alucard has gone for a walk in Episode 3.
Black Comedy: Absolutely runs on this. Though given the source material, that's probably to be expected.
Takahata said on the TFS panel that Alucard is written and played as essentially, "Archer with superpowers".
Black Comedy Rape: Invoked to be deconstructed. Jan forces one of Integra's soldiers to read out an extremely abusive and crude letter detailing in depth how he will rape her to death in the most violent way possible. The soldier is very clearly horrified and disturbed by it. Jan is the only one who is amused.
"Now pardon me while I blow this faggot ginger's brains outOHGODNO!"
Alucard, obviously, though Anderson is apparently no slouch in this department either.
Father O'Malley'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (who is also Italian): Tell-a me, Anderson: What is your favorite thing to do?
Anderson: Spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world, teaching peace and love for all!
Father: And killing-a vampires?
Anderson: *grins* Ah, just try to fucking stop me!
Father: And what about... Protestants?
Anderson: Second verse, same as the first! Now put me on a plane, so I can put them in a hearse!
Police Girl, during her blood rages.
Bothering by the Book: When Integra orders Alucard to stay in the basement during her meeting with their financial backers. Then the Hellsing HQ gets attacked.
Alucard: You see, I'm under direct orders from my boss—who is a total bitch by the way—that I'm not allowed to leave this room until such time as the Committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that.
Brilliant, but Lazy: Alucard is pretty much the best at what he does, but he'd rather be causing as much chaos as possible outside of his job.
Integra (after hearing the latest of his 400+ elaborate death threats to the Pope): I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job.
Butt Monkey: Seras, at least when around Alucard (who always calls her "Police Girl", even though that's nother real name which is what she told him in the first episode)
Call Back: In episode 2, when Alucard dislikes Integra's demands, he says "I don't have to take this, I'm going for a walk." Episode 1 shows us how those tend to turn out. And again in Episode 3 where Alucard goes on yet another walk.
Episode 3 also starts out with Integra talking to a group of mercenaries they had to hire to replace the guards lost of the Valentine Brothers' attack.
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys: Alucard remarks that they're "scraping the bottom of the barrel" when the Hellsing Organization is forced to contract French mercenaries to replace guards lost during the Valentine Brothers' attack. However, Pip, the only one we've seen anything of subverts this trope.
It's also worth noting that Integra specifically stated that they were forced to post mortality rates of her men on duty to those interested in working for her organization—and that said French mercenaries were the only ones who still applied regardless. Whether this is meant to show them as either exceptionally brave, exceptionally stupid, or exceptionally desperate for cash is up for debate.
Chivalrous Pervert: Although he's an exceptional Jerkass, Alucard kind of suits this. Despite being a massive pervert who is implied to see prostitutes and gives assistance to women based purely on the size of their breasts, he is apparently "holding out" for Integra... although her rage at everything he does probably hurts his chances (but her rage DOES give him a boner...it's super awkward).
Cluster F-Bomb: The whole cast, but Jan Valentine deserves special mention.
(while being shot) "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckmotherfuckin'fuckcuntwithafuckin'tittyfuckfuckFUCK!"
Credits Gag: The first episode had KaiserNeko playing all the Nazis chanting with the Major. The credit list them individually as "Nazi 1, Nazi 2, etc." all the way up to fifteen.
Deadpan Snarker: Alucard and Police Girl, but mostly Alucard.
Luke: You must be the great Alucard.
Alucard: 'Suuuuup.
Luke: I've heard quite a lot about you.
Alucard: Oh, really?
Luke: The nightwalker, who glides through oceans of blood, beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow upon darkness itself!
Alucard: Oh, I'm sorry, I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick.
Luke: Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Luke Valentine.
Alucard: And I'm Carmen Sandiego! Guess where I am!
Luke: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
Alucard: Oh, so am I. And I'm failing... and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70" plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father!
(Luke and Alucard point their guns directly at each other's head)
Alucard: Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
Dissimile: In the scene when Police Girl goes into a blood rage Alucard expresses his desire to fuck her had he not been holding out for Integra, and then she gets stabbed withdozens of knives:
"Well, kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina."
Everyone Calls Her Police Girl: In this series, Seras (which she pointed out). Her name's even listed as such in the credits.
The bellhop in Episode 3 is referred to in the credits as "Bishounen O'Brian."
In Episode 2, the only real reason Alucard kills Luke Valentine is because his TV was destroyed while in the middle of watching Adventure Time.
Genre Blind: the Policemen in episode 3, for actually believing an Obviously Evil vampire who offered them immortality in exchange for killing Alucard.
Alhambra: Do I look like the kind of guy who would go back on an agreement? By the way, you may need to send more men.
Friendly Enemy: Alucard and Anderson are on fairly good terms despite being enemies that constantly insult each other with completely accurate insults.
Gilligan Cut: Almost immediately after Alucard arrives at his suite, we cut to the police besieging the hotel.
Groin Attack: "Keep reading or I shoot the other testicle!"
Alucard: "WE'RE HERE ON EPIC MEAL TIME! I'M THE SAUCEBOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLONDE LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD BITCH!"
Guile Heroine: Integra solves her financial difficulties by letting her backers listen to Alucard's brutal dismemberment of Luke Valentine. They're so terrified that they give her the support she needs without any further hassle.
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Alucard goes above and beyond the call, to the point where it seems that the only reason he's at all better than his enemies is that he can be bribed into not murdering everything he sees.
Hey, It's That Voice!: Aside from the greats at TFS, we have Nowacking as the Police Girl, and Remix AKA Weekly Tube Show as Walter (from Episode 2 onward). As of Episode 3, General Ivan (Cooler in Revenge of Cooler Abridged) plays Enrico Maxwell, and Abraham Van Hellsing is played by Christopher Sabat
Idiot Hero: Alucard, even though he's clearly not one, will occasionally invoke a more immature attitude if it helps him to better screw with his opponents' heads. Although you can't help but wonder if that attitude is always invoked when you remember that the whole reason he dismembered Luke Valentine was because he was rudely interrupted while in the middle of watching Adventure Time...
Jan Valentine: The following is a fan-based parody. Hellsing Ultimate is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse...? The fuck is this? You assholes brought me Back from the Dead to read this legal bullshit?! No no no no no! Fuck! That! If I'm gonna come back to life to read a fucking line, then it's gonna be mykinda fuckin' line. *clears throat* My throbbing vampire dick is a fan-based parody. Its shaft, balls, and scrotum, are property of me, Jan Valentine, and whatever bitch I happen to be giving it to at the time. Please support my dick by helping with its official release. You know you want to....
I Know You Know I Know: The Major's true intentions were willingly letting Integra know about Millennium's plan so she can plan around their plan. Now they, in turn, will plan around the plan that she is planning about their plan. The Doctor, naturally, thinks it's absolutely brilliant.
Jerkass Stu: Despite the comedic tone of the series, it has a surprisingly good deconstruction of this trope. This version of Alucard lacks any sense of true loyalty to Integra and, as a result, can quite literally get away withanythinghe wants in-universe. While people will complain, they won't actually do anything to stop him because nobodycan. Integra shows just how infuriating and hate-inspiring such a character would be on several occasions. On the plus side, she does find ways to use his power to her advantage (see Guile Heroine).
Jerk With A Heart Of Jerk / Troll: Alucard's characterisation can basically be summed up as this, but especially towards Integra. There is no indication that he follows her orders out of any sense of loyalty. Rather, it seems like she's just bribing him not to destroy everything.
Except for the moments where he follows some of Integra's orders. So it's far more likely he's screwing with her. Why bother being bribed to get a 70 inch plasma screen TV anyway when he could go out and get it himself?
Literal Genie: Integra's bribe comes back to bite her when Alucard refuses to leave the basement when the Valentine brothers attack.
Metaphorgotten: In the latest of his hundreds of death threats to the pope, Alucard says that he sends so many because he wants to instill as much fear as he can... like basting a turkey. Which he will then proceed to have sex with. This ends with him saying that he's going to "fuck the fear turkey".
Alucard: Oh, and tell that guy to stop spying on me, it's creepy!
Scarlet Tampon: Shit shit shit!
Pedophile Priest: The most common insult Alucard levels against catholic characters.
Pet the Dog: Alucard is a very unusual example towards Seras. After saving her just because she "has nice tits", he seems to develop some relationship with her, such as offering her to kill zombies (which actually impresses him when she does so), requesting a new gun for her (which is later changed to a cannon. Because bitches love cannons, which happens to be a BFG), and apparently shares his room with her while taking her and Pip with him on his vacation to Brazil.
Alucard: Oh, shame for you. You've activated my Alu-Card.
Psychopathic Manchild: Alucard was watching cartoons in his room before Luke busted in, then proceeded to eat Luke for destroying his TV. Considering who voices him, it's expected.
Puppy-Dog Eyes: When the Police Girl is dying and stares at him Alucard complains the Police Girl is guilting him by looking like a "blonde, eviscerated puppy".
Rage Against the Author: Jan Valentine goes completely off the rails when reading the disclaimer.
Raging Stiffie: Why Alucard prefers to be on the phone with Integra when she chews him out.
Red Eyes, Take Warning: Guess what color Police Girl's irises turn when she has one of her little moments.
"What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?"
Reverse Psychology: Used by Walter on Alucard to trick him into going on a mission to Brazil. It works.
One of the only lines he didn't take from the movie was "It's a shame for ya lost yer head. A careless Vampire who wound up dead, ya wore yer sin like it was some kinda prize. Too many lies...Too many lies." That line is a slightly modified set of the opening lyrics to WWE superstar Sheamus' themesong.
The heavy implication being that the whole reason HSOD started was because Alucard was 99.9% done with the mission when he left—which gets even more hilarious when you consider that Kohta Hirano is a character in that show based on Hellsing's mangaka, and sharing the same name.
After Walter introduces himself, Jan refers to him as Alfred. In the same line, he also calls him Jeeves.
You can hear the Squiddles theme song in the background during Anderson and Alucard's almost-fight in the art gallery. They also use some music from The Big O in that episode too...
Sidetracked by the Analogy: One of Alucard's many death threats to the Pope mention he sends them so much to instill as much fear as possible "as if basting a turkey". He then goes on to mention how he will "fuck the fear turkey".
Alucard: ...And I killed all but one of them. Integra: What happened to the last one? (In Alucard's flashback, the last soldier shoots himself in the head.) Alucard: PUSSED OUT LIKE A BITCH!
Alucard: Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must've started with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine year old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right, generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back.
Unstoppable Rage: Seras goes into one destroying Jan Valentine's ghouls. Integra later calls it a "Blood Rage", implying it's something that all true vampires can do.
We All Live in America: Episode Two mentions that Alucard crashed Integra's father's car into a Dairy Queen, but they have no branches in England.
It would hardly be out of Alucard's wasteful characterization to load the car into a plane and fly across the Atlantic just to crash the car into a Dairy Queen. Then again, he may have taken the car while on a mission to eliminate vampires in America, thus crashing the car at the Dairy Queen after he finished.
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