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The Uncanny Valley: Dragonbored | Dragged In | The Reviewers | Internet Dating and Me | Darkside of the Internet

Dragged In is Leo Thompson's (That SciFi Guy) contribution to The Uncanny Valley.

Mr. Donavin (sic) majored in xenolinguistics at university, with a minor in macguffinism - therefore, he's working as an assistant at a veterinarian's office. All that changes one day when he is approached by a pair of mysterious government agents who can't tell him anything because their security clearance isn't as high as his. What do they want with him? What can he deliver? And what's in the strange transmission that has just been received from another planet?

Watch it here.

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It provides examples of:

• A Degree in Useless: Donivan’s major in linguistic unobtainology with a minor in macguffinism does not exactly get him a high-paying job. Pretty handy when translating alien writing though.
• Aliens Steal Cable: Or Internet in this case.
• Aliens Steal Cattle: Just cats, because they are much cuter.
• Be Careful What You Wish For / Didn't Think This Through: The aliens want all the cats because the cute videos have won them over, only to find out that those videos omit all of the more trying aspects of cat ownership. Which could have been avoided if they had checked Wikipedia or at least a pet care site.
• Bland-Name Product: The news stations: CZZ, Box News, and BCC News.
• The Cameo: Phelous, Brad Jones, Obscurus Lupa, and Mike Dodd appear as Vox Pops interviewees during a news broadcast.
• Crawl: One runs under the bottom of the CZZ news broadcast.
• Cunning Linguist / A Degree in Useless: Mr. Donavin. He can't use his doctorate anywhere, so he works at the vet.
• Cute Kitten: The aliens want all of them!
• Digital Piracy Is Evil: The government believes this so much that they put a copyright/"do not steal" notice before the First Contact video. It gets leaked of course.
  This video is the exclusive property of the United States government and is presented on explicit need-to-know basis. Any unauthorized viewing, reproduction, distribution, chatting about over drinks, conveniently overhearing, nudge nudge, wink wink, tight justiculations in reference to tweeting or sexting is strictly prohibited.
• First Contact: This is a sad sad story of one.
• Hurricane of Puns: Most News Broadcast consist of cat puns of varying painfulness.
• The Internet Is for Cats: The invading aliens threaten to blow up the planet unless Earth gives up all of its cats, having come to the conclusion that they are the universe’s cutest species after scoping our internet.
• The Internet Is for Porn: But the aliens care nothing for it.
• It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: Within a week, the aliens immediately regret taking all of the cats after taking care of the cats becomes unbearable.
• Literal-Minded: The MIBs.
  Mr. Donavin: Look. I just want to know what I'm getting into.
  MIB: A white, unmarked SUV.
• The Men in Black: Government Mooks in suits and sunglasses come for Mr. Donavin, when the government needs his assistance. Apparently his security clearance is higher than theirs.
• News Broadcast: Most of the story is told through these.
• Pity the Kidnapper: Well given the world's cats under thread of world annihilation, but the aliens clearly didn't realize what they were getting into.
• Replacement Goldfish: Several people get some kind of replacements for their missing cats. Mostly plushies and such. Phelous even a new cat, which gets taken the second they are off camera.
  • The internet also tried to find something to compensate the loss... the cute Furry videos. You're welcome.
• Shout-Out: When Brad Jones posted it on his site, the description he gave for it was: "A top Russian ballet dancer, who defected to the US, crash lands in his own country. The KGB throws him in Siberia to live with an American expatriate and his Russian wife as a way to convince him to stay in his homeland", the premise of the fairly obscure 1985 movie White Nights, starring Mikhail Baryshnikov and, in a secondary role, Helen Mirren.
  • Also, the vet clinic Mr. Donavin works for is called "No Tribble At All".
    • On another Trek note, one patient is Mr. Archer, who fed his pet too much cheese.
• This Looks Like a Job for Aquaman: So you have a degree in xenolingusitics (minoring in Mac Guffinism)... There is this First Contact transmission no one else can decode. You are our only hope!
• Vox Pops: See The Cameo, above.