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Death Note The Abridged Series Kpts4tv
aka: DNAKPTS 4 TV
Light: I am... L: I am... Light & L: ...Team Co-Co!/Team Leno! Ryuk: Hey guys, I'm Team Edward! Light & L: Shut up...
Abridged Series by kpts4tv, mac_sly56 and Arkonid
. The 1st season consists of 14 episodes. The 2nd season has 16 episodes. There is also "Re-Ryuk" which is a mock episode of Season 1, Episode 1. They also have had parody music videos and contests to encourage fan participation. They are the first Death Note Abridged Series to ever completely finish.
This series focuses on Light and how he is trying to get rid of any famous celebrities that he doesn't like, primarily teen idols. Like the original anime, he is also trying to become god of a new world. Light and L are pretty much the only smart ones in the series, but the side characters have quite a few memorable moments. Even the creators of the show have a power struggle throughout the series. Oh, and Matsuda is
This work provides examples of: Abandoned Warehouse: Near buys one for his "party." Abhorrent Admirer: Ryuk and Misa for Light. Also L feels this way about Light's crush on him but strings him along for the investigation. Abusive Parent: Souichiro Yagami seems really eager to get rid of his kids, he tries to crush Light's balls his ESP powers, and decides to rescue Sayu only because he believes that she's been impregnated with alien spawn and intends to sell her into medical experimentation. Adaptation Dye-Job: Mikami can't help Takada because he's too busy turning purple. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context. Adaptational Badass: Raye Penber is now so Bad Ass that Even the Guys Want Him. He's also Near's and a hitman . Shinigami Affectionate Nickname: Light refers to Mikami as "Miki" and "Michael." After the End: When Souichiro arrives in what is supposed to be L.A. but looks like the Arizona desert, he can only conclude it had already been destroyed by aliens. Alien Invasion / The Legions of Hell: the entire Kira situation was all a Xanatos Gambit on the part of the Shinigami who are invading Earth and set up Light to take the fall. All Genes Are Codominant: the lil' Shinigami in the epilogue has Light's brown hair and red Glowing Eyes of Doom and Ryuk's skeleton pale skin. All Love Is Unrequited: One-sided relationships prevail! Ryuk -> Light -> L and/or Beyond -> Snacks and Rem and/or Mogi -> Misa -> Light and Light -> Takada -> Mikami -> Death Note and Naomi -> Raye -> Death Note and Matsuda -> Sayu and... Always Chaotic Evil: The Shinigami. Anal Probing: Mr. Yagami fears this happened to Sayu at the hands of the space aliens (a.k.a. The Mafia). Ancient Conspiracy: The whole thing was a set up by the Shinigami from the very beginning. Angrish: Mello due to being Surrounded by Idiots. Anguished Declaration of Love: Light at L's grave. Also: Armored Closet Gay: Well, Mr. Yagami is a homophobic Jerk Ass obsessed with "manliness." At one point he dressed up as Sailor Moon... and he hits on Ryuk. Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Ryuk: ...now what you need to know about the Shinigami eye deal is... Light: (thinking) ...shoes... I need to get shoes... Audience Participation: Episode 12 of the second season is the result of the MadLibs contest. Axe Crazy: "innocent!Light" after he comes to believe that Higuchi slept with his girlfriend. Also: Souichiro: We're killing Watari too? BONUS! Bad Bad Acting: Light when Higuchi dies. "Oh right, cover... Dad, you idiot! We needed him alive!" Made even more hilarious since he had been calling for his blood moments before. Near's obvious line reading: Near: I want to tell you about a party... we're throwing... There's going to be booze... and pur-etty ladies with... Rester, do I really have to read this? Bad Boss: Mello to his mafia henchmen. The Bad Guy Wins: Near and his Shinigami legions conquer the Earth. Also in one alternate ending Light succeeds at killing the rest of the taskforce and the SPK and then goes out for frozen yoghurt to celebrate afterwards and in the second alternate ending Mikami kills the SPK, the taskforce AND Light and takes his place as God of the New World. Bad Liar: Light: No one is listening to you, Ryuk. Sayu: What does Ryuk mean? Light:
Uh, It's my new name for you. It means
The Beard: Misa for Light and Takada for Mikami. Becoming the Mask: Beyond Birthday who stole L's identity and convinced himself that he was L. Better to Die Than Be Killed: Light begs Matsuda to do this to stop the invasion. Big Applesauce: In the epilogue, Ryuk moves to New York in search of "the Big Apple." Big "NO!": When L recovers a horrific repressed memory of getting socks for his birthday. Bigger Bad: the Shinigami. Bigger Is Better in Bed: Light is checking out Mogi's hoagie  Bizarre Alien Reproduction: Ryuk somehow got Light pregnant.  Black Comedy: Ryuk: But you just slaughtered fifteen people, and then laughed about it! Light:
Yeah ... good times ...
Black Comedy Rape: Ryuk was molesting Light.  And Near was molested by Osoreda, the ugly guy from the bus that Kira killed. Matsuda fathered eight children with Sayu while she's still in a coma. takes advantage of a retarded!Misa. Rem possessing Mogi Aizawa impregnated his underaged daughter. The real L was being kept alive in Light's basement/lovenest for the last five years. Black Mail: The Narrator blackmails Mikami into letting him make a documentary of his life with his knowledge that Mikami is a crazy mass murderer... and that he likes to dress up in frilly pink underwear and go dancing down the street. The Bluebeard: Light "Oh well, time to get a new girlfriend." Brain Bleach: Light would really like some. Bratty Half-Pint: Near Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Bed Bath and Beyond Birthday! Brick Joke: "Wait a minute, I don't own a fridge." Brilliant but Lazy: Light's teacher: For an honor's student we put up with a lot of your shenanigans. Bring My Brown Pants: Rem scares the crap out of the Taskforce... and Light scares the crap out of Rem. British Accents: Roger, Mello, and Near but esepcially Mello who would fit right into a routine. Monty Python Broke Your Arm Punching Out Cthulhu: Well, Light tried to stop the Shinigami invasion... It's the thought that counts, right? Buffy Speak: Light at times. Buried Alive: L... . or was it B? Burn The Orphanage: Misa: That fire was pretty scary-the whole complex burned down! Those poor orphans! Bury Your Gays Butt Monkey: Matsuda, Light, Rem, Sayu, Sidoh, Misa, Mikami, Takada, L, and B. And Rester who now serves in death as he did in life – as Near's foot stool. Calling Your Attacks: Mikami:
With a pen you can't
DELETE! (*dude dies*)
With a pen you can't
ERASE! (*Another dude dies*)
With a pen you can't
WHITE OUT! (*another dude dies DRAMATICALLY*)
You can however
~SCRIBBLE!~ Camp Gay: Light, oh so much, and Namikawa, and Mikami. Cannot Tell a Joke: Near, as demonstrated when prank calling Light. Near: Okay. ( *hangs up*) Hey guys, wasn't that hilarious? Captain Obvious: You're framing me! Light: No duh! Near: Casanova Wannabe: Light when trying to convince Kiyomi that he's straight. Casual Kink: Light apparently fantasizes about getting kidnapped by a hot guy in leather. You can blame Raye Penber for the stalking fantasy and Ryuk for the leather fetish. Caught with Your Pants Down: When L beams everyone up, Soichiro complains about this. Also, L informs Light that he has done this. Later, Light shouts out "You did not catch me with my pants down!" when meeting L. Cat Fight: between Light and Takada. Chains Of Love: L refers to the handcuffs as "our friendship bracelets." A Child Shall Lead Them: Near is now the ruler of the free world. He turns 13 next Tuesday. Childhood Friends: Light and Miki were buddies in high school. Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Light spontaneously breaks out into song in the middle of his class, L frequently has conversations with his snacks, and Da Chief takes this Up to Eleven. Comedic Sociopathy: Misa getting beat up by Halle or rather Naomi. After Takada gets abducted, Mikami is too busy to come save her. Comically Missing the Point: Da Chief Matsuda: Chief, doesn't your son use a computer? Chief: I don't understand what you're saying. Matsuda: Chief, your son might be Kira. Chief: I still don't understand what you're saying. Comically Small Bribe: Near offers to share the satellite feed if Light pays him in LEGOs. Cosmic Plaything: Light, literally. He's also Also Mikami, The Scapegoat for the Shinigami's plan to take over the Earth. the writer really has it in for him. And L who is resurrected just to be killed off again. Oh and Matsuda who is the host to the entire Shinigami realm in his colon. Continuity Nod: L mentions Beyond Birthday. Couldn't Find a Pen: When Light is killing Higuchi Hilarity Ensues: Light: First I gotta get my stupid watch open. Aw, there we go... L: What's that Light? Light: Oh I'm just excited we caught Kira is all. Hey look, they're bringing him in right now... Ow! L: Are you okay? Light: Yeah I'm fin- OW! I'm okay OW! DAMMIT! L: Light, do you need me to come over there? Covert Pervert: Mogi  Cowboy Cop: Da Chief Cower Power: Near after Mello kills most of his agents: Light: What do you expect me to do about it? Near: I need an adult. Light: I'm hanging up now. Crapsack World: Well, yeah. It's based on . It's a comedic example where Death Note everyone is the Butt Monkey or the Chew Toy. Crazy Homeless People: Near mistakes Aizawa Souichiro for one. Crazy Jealous Guy: Ryuk towards Light L: Well Light, you're taking this rather well. Crazy People Play Chess: Mikami ran the chess club in high school. Creepy Child: Near Creepy Crossdresser: Misa begs Light to let her wear his lolita maid costume. Misa: Light and I wear the same underwear sometimes! Cross-Dressing Voices: Naomi has an overly masculine voice. Later so does Wedy and Halle. Curbstomp Battle: Light easily kills Beyond Birthday because Beyond thought he was L. Da Chief A Day in the Limelight: "Behind The Death Note: Teru Mikami"  Mogi's music video . Deadpan Snarker: Mello. Also Ide. Matsuda: Hey guys, there's been something on my mind that I think we need to address... Ide: Well, this will be brief. Deep South: Matt speaks with a rednecky accent. Defiant to the End: upon learning of the Shinigami's plot Light's final acts are to try and stop the Shinigami Invasion. Depraved Bisexual: Ryuk. He was molesting Light and later he offers to join Misa when she goes to bed naked. Depraved Homosexual: Light. Full stop. Devil in Plain Sight: When Aizawa gets upset that they're watching the Kira show again: Aizawa: Just turn it off, Light! Diary: Death Note: How to Use It Rule No. 17: All entries must begin with "Dear Diary." Did You Just Romance Cthulhu?: Ryuk and Light, Misa and Rem. Didn't Think This Through: Light: Wow, a book that drives people crazy when they touch it! (*touches the notebook*) Death Note? What is this like an advanced calculus notebook or something? I'm so gonna walk around and touch everyone with this and drive 'em... oh, right. I didn't think this one through. Discriminate and Switch: Right after Light's sexuality is brought up again Near tells everyone he'll see them all in Heaven except for Light of course. Light: Why did you single me out? Near:
Well, because you're
Disproportionate Retribution: Matt gets shot up for speeding. The taskforce decides that L needs to die because L told Matsuda that Mickey isn't real. Ditzy Genius: Light. " I forgot my death note!" Oh my God Does This Remind You of Anything?: When L's snacks "won't talk to him anymore" he mopes around headquarters like he's been through a bad breakup. L took Matsuda's innocence! When Gevanni Raye Penber urgently calls up Near: Gevanni/ : No you don't understand, this other guy was watching him too and he then suddenly whipped it out right there! Raye Penber Near: Ugh! You called me for this? Gevanni/ : This is important! He reached into his pocket and whipped out a— Raye Penber Near: NO! Gevanni/ : Death Note! Raye Penber Domestic Abuser: Souichiro Yagami with his family. Also Ryuk towards Light. Dreadful Musician: The karaoke rendition of "I Can't Decide."  Driven to Suicide: one of Near's employees Ollie Tabooger when Near makes fun of his name. Drunk on Milk: Misa gets drunk on fruit punch. Dude Looks Like a Lady: in Da Chief's warped perceptions Ryuk is a trap. Upon meeting him Da Chief declares "goth girls are hot!" Also upon first meeting Light Ryuk mistakes him for a girl. Dude, She's Like, in a Coma!: Matsuda fathered eight children with Sayu who is still comatose. Dude, Where's My Respect?: Mikami: ...and I was class president. I like to think I was tough but fair and respected by all... Mikami: Of course people showed respect differently back then... Dye or Die: Raye and Naomi. Dying as Yourself: Light makes a Heel Realization before he dies and tries to stop his past self from using the notebook. Dying Declaration of Love: Also "Light's final wish before he died was to be buried in the same coffin as L. L is rolling over in his grave as we speak." Dying Moment of Awesome: for Light. See Defiant to the End. Emo: Light mistakes(?) Ryuk for one. Light: Crap, I stole an emo's diary. Ryuk: What's an emo? I am a Shinigami. The Ending Changes Everything Enemy Mine: Averted when Kira calls up Da Chief "Hey Dad, it's Light..." Engineered Public Confession: When Near is talking to Light with the taskforce listening in, Near thanks Kira for killing the guy who molested him: Near: So thank you Kira, from the both of us. Entendre Failure: Light, all the time. Even Evil Has Standards: Da Chief got kicked out of the Death Eaters (because he insisted on using a gun). Later however Da Chief gets creeped out when he learns that Aizawa was molesting his underage daughter. Also Light tries to stop the Shinigami invasion. Even the Guys Want Him: Raye Penber who is "so awesome [he] turns guys bi." Light has a crazy, one-sided crush on L, and Light has his own Unwanted Harem which includes the likes of Ryuk, Namikawa, Near, and Mikami. Everybody Hates Mathematics: " No, it's not an Advanced Calculus book... it's far too merciful..." Everybody's Dead, Dave: After Mello has all of Near's agents killed right in front of him. Everything Is Racist: Ryuk: That's racist, Light! I expected so much more from you! Everything's Deader with Zombies: "Chief Yagami. Flesh Crazed Zombie?" Evil Albino: Near Evil Feels Good: Ryuk: Heh heh. I love my job. Evil Laugh: Light of course. And Souichiro  Evil Smells Bad: Ryuk reeks having formerly been a rectal parasite. Evil Twin: Beyond Birthday Eviler than Thou: Near, Souichiro, Ryuk, Rem, and the rest of the Shinigmi to Light. Earlier Light easily curbstomped Beyond Birthday because Beyond thought he was L. Exact Words: "While no one PERSON can predict the future..." Expendable Clone: Beyond Birthday without being an actual clone. Extreme Omnisexual: Ryuk. He'll hit that be it Light, Misa, or a dirty apple. There's also an awkward moment between Ryuk and Light's dad. Fag Hag: Takada doesn't want to be Light's girlfriend because he's obviously gay but she does like to hang out with him. Faking the Dead: Raye Penber, Naomi Misora, Rem, Chief Yagami. False Reassurance: Light: So basically, you're going to stalk me for the rest of my life. Ryuk: Don't worry, it's not that long. Family Values Villain: Light is outraged over Near's poor manners. Light
He was supposed to call me back!
some more before my flash mob tore him apart! A child I have never met before
to me! His parents should've taught him better... Oh! Oh, orphan. Right.
Felony Misdemeanor: Light got busted by the Fashion Police. Aizawa or rather Souichiro is suspicious about what Light and Takada are getting up to during their "private time" Aizawa ( ): I think they're passing notes, in class! Souichiro Filk Song: "It's a Dead World After All" and "Not Gay (They Just Wrote Me In That Way)", "Call Me Mogi", and and this one set to "Pure Imagination." Fire-Forged Friends: Subverted (for obvious reasons): Light: Hmmm I have two notebooks now. I only need one. I think the choice is obvious. Ryuk... after everything we've been through together... I'm going to keep Rem's. First Girl (or Guy) Wins: Ryuk fathered a child with Light and Rem possessing Mogi ends up with Misa and they make many pornos together. First Law of Resurrection Foe Romance Subtext: Light/L of course (see Ho Yay). Near/Mello Near apparently feels the need to inform Mello of his penis size. Near/Light Near keeps pestering Light with Harassing Phone Calls, asks him for "Amanda Hugankiss" and when Near is traumatized Light is the first person he calls. Foreshadowing Frame Up: the Shinigami are invading Earth adn set Light up to take the fall for everything. Freak Out: Light at L's grave. "You died over nothing! You died because you told Matsuda Mickey isn't real. How STUPID is that!" The Friend Nobody Likes: Light is relieved when Near calls him again because he’s saved him from actually having to talk to the taskforce. Freudian Excuse: Poor Light: (to Light): Shut up! I knew I shouldn't have pushed your mother down the stairs while she was pregnant with you! Souichiro's ghost possessing Aizawa Narrator:
Mikami grew up in an abusive household. His father was a professional badger wrestler too busy on the road to come home. His mother had a rare disease
that left her with no eyes or upper face
and she drank
... And now your mother's dead. She died while you were still in school and it scarred you FOR LIFE!
Freudian Slip: Aizawa: So you're cool with me invading Misa and interrogating your house? Interesting. Light: Oh, wait. You mean the other way around. Aizawa: I don't know we'll burn that bridge before we cross it. C'mon Mogi, we have rights to violate. Light: Wait, now I believe you meant what you said. Get back here! Matsuda: That's not fair! Freudian Slippery Slope Friends with Benefits: Light and Mikami. Friendly Tickle Torture: apparently Light is very ticklish. The Fun in Funeral: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pee on the grave of a man who died unloved and hated by everyone." Gangster Land: Light believes that this is all there is to Los Angeles. Gayngst: Light is hit with this hard. Gayngster: Light and Mello. Get It Over With: Souichiro, on his death bed, calls Light a disgrace and tells him how he always hated him for being gay. Light is reduced to tears and begs his father to kill him, to write his name in the Death Note, but he won't do it. Giggling Villain: again, Light. Girls Have Cooties: Near: Don't bring your stupid girlfriend along. She has cooties. Glad I Thought of It: Matsuda solves the Kira case. Everyone ignores him and Watari and L immediately repeat what he just said. Go Seduce My Archnemesis: Light's advice to Takada in case she's ever kidnapped: Light:
Listen, if you're ever abducted by a mysterious and kind of hot stranger in black leather and he takes you into a truck in the middle of nowhere and he looks like this, I want you to
seduce him and tell me
everything. Because that would be so hot. A God Am I: Light of course... and his dad. Grand Theft Me: Souichiro's ghost is possessing Aizawa and Rem is possessing Mogi. Growing Up Sucks: L took Matsuda's innocence! Grudging Thank You: Near to Kira, for killing the guy who molested him. Gun Nut: Da Chief. He's glad L's dead because now he gets his gun back. Half-Human Hybrid: The unnamed Shinigami that appears in Relight is Ryuk and Light's son. Also Light himself considering Souichiro is revealed to be a Shinigami. Harassing Phone Call: Near keeps prank calling Light. At one point asking for Amanda Hugankiss. Heel Face Door Slam: Light realizes too late that the Shinigami were playing him for a fool and since they are already controlling him he can't even hope to stop them or redeem himself. "Light's final wish before he died was to be buried in the same coffin as L. L is rolling over in his grave as we speak." Heel Realization: Mello's mafia henchmen wonder if they're the badguys. Hell Gate: Matsuda's colon is a porthole to the Shinigami realm. Henpecked Husband: Takada: Ten minutes Light. Ten minutes before I start writing your name! Light: With what paper... Ooh. We need to go. Now. : Maybe if you're lucky she'll give you your nads back. Souichiro possessing Aizawa Light: Just get the car! Hilariously Abusive Childhood: "I was only seven! Beyond Birthday NOOOOOOOOOO!" Homosexual Reproduction: In Re-Ryuk it's implied that Ryuk somehow impregnated and had a child with Light. Hooker with a Heart of Gold: "Light Yagami. A drug filled prostitute" Light: I remember the first time I met Mikami. He was lying in a gutter. When I walked by he looked right at me and said one word. "God." I mean, wow. You can't buy drugs that give you a high like that. Horrifying the Horror: Light literally scares the crap out of Shinigami. Hypocritical Humor: when Light calls out Near for acting immature: Light: What are you, ten? Near: I'm twelve! Light insists he's not out to cheat on Misa or have a threesome because it's against his morals "...and believe me, I know a lot about morals." In the very next scene when Light gets desperate to prove he's straight he suggests to Kiyomi that they have threesome with Misa. This: Gevanni/ : Raye Penber to a dying criminal in his death throes Are you kidding me?! Dude! I'm on the phone! You're being extremely rude! SHUT UP! Humanity Is Insane: Ryuk seems to think so. Ryuk: Yep. You humans are just plain crazy without my help. I Ate WHAT?: When Misa gives Ryuk an apple Ryuk offers Misa something in return... a dingleberry I Have No Son: Mr. Yagami "I have two daughters." I Have This Friend: Higuchi. "What if say, hypothetically someone could kill another person with a diary..." I Have You Now, My Pretty: Ryuk with Light, Rem/Mogi with Misa, and Light with L(?). I Just Want to Be You: Beyond Birthday kidnapped L in Guatemala and took his place. I Know Mortal Kombat: Light:
Alright everyone, I've been playing a lot of
Modern Warfare 3
—we can do this!
I'm Going to Disney World: "So L, you caught Kira, what are you going to do now?" I'm Standing Right Here: Mr. Yagami knows Light is listening in when he offers Light to Mello. I Meant to Do That: " Yeah... everything went exactly... acording to plan... listen..." I Shall Taunt You: Light objects to L's plan. L retorts that he's L and can do what he wants. L: Na na na na booboo, stick your head in doodoo. If I Can't Have You: In Ask the Cast and Crew #3 Light says this to L before shooting him. Ignore the Fanservice: Light: I have a question-why is it that whenever we want to work on the Kira investigation we always meet at my apartment? Mr. Yagami: Oh, you'll see in just a second, Light. Light: I just don't understand what could be so important... Light: Misa, stop that! That tickles! Takada strips down in front of Mello and Mello donates her clothes to charity. Implausible Deniability: L proves that Light is obviously Kira. (No one on the taskforce cares.) L: Seriously, you wrote your ransom note on Death Note paper? Light: But it was the only paper I could find... whoops I mean Sayu could find! Incompatible Orientation: Rem is in love with Misa who is in love with Light who is in love with L who is snack-sexual. Also after Mikami abandons Takada she considers going out with Light but then remembers he's gay. Rem later ends up with Misa by possessing Mogi and Jumping the Gender Barrier. Insane Troll Logic: Light is worried about what might happen to his sister, having watched movies about what goes on in L.A. Mr. Yagami follows this train of "logic" and concludes that L.A. is going to get invaded by space aliens. Insistent Terminology: Light: Now Misa, we may be killers but we're not murderers. We're more like... custodians, cleaning up the filth of the world. Instant Cosplay Surprise: Misa borrows Light's maid costume. Insurance Fraud: When they find out how much money they could get for fire insurance the taskforce agrees they should burn the old HQ to the ground. Mr. Yagami: Good, because I already started the fire. Interspecies Romance: Ryuk/Light and Rem/Misa. Irritation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery: Beyond Birthday Ironic Echo: "I can't decide!" It's All About Me: Light of course. And L... and Near. It Amused Me: Near prank calling Light. Jerk Ass: Light, L, Near, Da Chief Jumping the Gender Barrier: Rem, possessing Mogi's body, hooks up with Misa in the Epilouge. Just Friends: Takada insists that she and Light are just friends and that she has no interest in dating him. Kaleidoscope Eyes: Misa's eyes: Blue, brown, blue, brown, blue, brown... RED!!! Keeping Secrets Sucks: Light bemoans in his Inner Monologue about how all his relationships are based on secrets and lies! Kid with the Leash: L: Bad Light! No killing! Kids Are Cruel: Near Kill and Replace: B kidnapped L and took his place and L was Left for Dead... in Guatemala. Kill It with Fire Killed Mid-Sentence: Light is Kira and Misa is the Second— L: Souichiro:
The second? The Second what? ...Oh my God, she's the
Killed to Uphold the Masquerade: Mello, Takada, and Light Last Minute Hook Up: Raye and Naomi tie the knot in the last episode. Latin Land: ... in Guatemala Laughing Mad: Light quite frequently but there's a particularly creepy one in Re-Ryuk. Layman's Terms: Misa doesn't understand "big words" like "yammering." Left for Dead: L... in Guatemala. Let's Just Be Friends: Like Father, Like Son: A Lighter Shade of Black: Light when compared to the other Shinigami. Loners Are Freaks: young Mikami is portrayed as a stereotypical nerd. Love Dodecahedron: Ryuk is screwing Light  and apparently they have a child together , Light is in love with L, Misa stalks Light, Rem loves Misa and so did Gelus. Then during Light's he Memory Gambit went back into the closet and only worried about being a good boyfriend to Misa ( who he is dating for other reasons that he can no longer remember) Misa then goes on to cheat on him with with Higuchi and Rem. Also Misa made a porno with Mogi. Namikawa flirts with Light. L makes a passing mention of Beyond Birthday, Light suspected incorrectly that L was screwing Matsuda, and meanwhile L shows no interest in anyone except for maybe his snacks. Everyone but Light wants Misa (including Ryuk) and when Mello kidnaps Sayu, Mr. Yagami tries to get Mello to take Light as well. Ryuk was doing... something with an apple and Mr. Yagami flirts with Ryuk. Also Demegawa declares his love for Kira, Ryuk takes to calling Matsuda "daddy", Aizawa and Mogi go off to to "violate Misa" and Matsuda and Ide wish they could join in, and Aizawa may or may not have gotten someone who may or may not be his daughter pregnant. Light and Mikami are best friends... with benefits. Osoreda molested Near. There's also Gevanni (or rather Raye Penber)/ Death Note. Also Mikami/ Death Note. "Well would you look at that. Another bibliophile." Love Makes You Evil / Love Makes You Crazy: Misa for Light and Light for L. Love Martyr: Misa for Light and Light for L. Lovecraft Lite Luke, I Am Your Father: Souichiro: Light, I am your father. Light: I know that dad. Mad Libs Dialogue: As a result of the Mad Libs contest. Manipulative Bastard: L L:
If you think
was complete bull then clap your hands and shout '
I believe in faeries.
' Ha! I was just kidding!
but I can still manipulate you people. We have all the footage of you acting like an idiot in front of your webcam. I win. But on a serious note if the fans get a few hundred likes up before the next episode I will
come back to life. Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: Naomi and Light, Lampshaded when Souichiro fears his son's testosterone levels are dropping again and tries to get Naomi to show them her boobs. The Mentally Disturbed: "Chief Yagami. An Escaped Mental Patient?" Mind over Matter: Da Chief has the ESP power to crush balls with his mind. Mind Rape: 1) the mundane torture variety: assuming the L in Ask the Cast and Crew #3 is telling the truth than Beyond Birthday convinced L that he was Beyond and that Beyond was L. 2) Psychic assaults: Light used the Death Note to make Misa (more) retarded and later the Shinigami do the same to Light. Mind Screw: The ending has one in the mode of Donnie Darko when Light The tries to stop his past self from using the notebook. Grand Finale also has two fake endings. Also in Ask the Cast and Crew #3 L informs the audience that Reports of My Death Were Greatly Exaggerated — that he never died because Beyond Birthday took over his identity during the hiatus in Guatemala... maybe. Assuming the speaker IS L and not Beyond Birthday. Missing Steps Plan: Light's plan "Step 1: I kill celebrities. Step 2: Use their deaths to distract the media. Step 3: ??? Step 4: I'm crowned God of the New World." Mistaken for Gay: Mistaken For Pedophile: The president has his people pick up Near by offering him candy and abducting him. Mocking Music: while Light and Misa are stuck in confinement L and the Taskforce takes to singing Bohemian Rhapsody over the loud speakers. Light somehow anticipated that they'd do this and sings along, making the line "So you think you can love me and leave me to die?" be the code for forfeiting the notebook. The Mole: Aizawa was working for the SPK all along. Mommy Issues: Mikami has them. Morton's Fork: Kira's survey: "Do you think my hair is cute? "Yes" or "Hell yes! <3"" Motor Mouth: Naomi. Later Misa, much to Light's dismay. Mr. Exposition: Aizawa called up Wammy's House and all he learned was Mello and Near's names, their faces, their motivations and their fears. Mr. Seahorse: Light apparently-the unnamed Shinigami that appears in Re-Ryuk is his and Ryuk's son. Muggle Born of Mages: Light. His father is revealed to be a Shinigami but Light has inhereted none of their cool Shinigami powers and they call him "just a poser" who's nothing without the notebook. Mundane Made Awesome: Light eating potato chips and Mello eating chocolate. Also the Grand Finale has the most EPIC credit sequences. Murder Is the Best Solution: the taskforce all agrees what needs to be done after "L took Matsuda's innocence." My Girl Is Not a Slut: Light gets real jealous and protective of Misa during his when Memory Gambit he thinks he's straight and he thinks that Misa had sex with Higuchi. Hilarity Ensues. Light: ...and then we can kill him, right? L: No, Light we're not going to kill him. Later at Higuchi's arrest: Negative Continuity: "I thought I got rid of you." Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: The Shinigami suggest they were going to kill L for knowing too much but Light beat them to it. Oh and Light was going to kill Matsuda and stop the Shinigami invasion that would leave the Earth as a giant craphole but Matsuda shoots him up before he can. The Nicknamer: Da Chief calls himself Master Chief, he takes to refering to Aizawa as "his son," and Light as his other daughter, Ide is "Squinty", and Mello is Lady Gaga. Noodle Incident: Whatever happened in Guatemala... Chief Yagami goes "bowling for lucky charms." Not a Date: L agrees to go out on a date with Light in order to get close to Sayu (his REAL Kira suspect). Not Even Human: the entire Taskforce and the SPK are either Shinigami, possessed by Shinigami, or working for the Shinigami. Not Helping Your Case Light: Hey guys, the Shinigami's dead! I totally killed it! With magic powers that I totally have! Not So Extinct: "Wow, a real live Shinigami! I thought they were all extinct!" Obliviously Evil: Light Off Model: Mikami's mother "had a rare disease that left her with no eyes or upper face..." Oh Crap: Higuchi when Namikawa suggests, hypothetically speaking, that he didn't spell the victim's name right. Old Media Are Evil: When Light can't remember step three of his master plan he begins to worry that watching so much celebrity news is rotting his brain. Ominous Latin Chanting One Curse Limit: Subverted. Light writes Higuchi's name, he's dying horribly and then... "Oh, that's right! I don't have a heart! I'm safe" and then he's killed by Da Chief's "fingerbanging". One of Us: Raye Penber:
So far all I have is from
Only a Flesh Wound: Matt after getting shot up. "Ow! That hurt! Y'all stop that, ya hear!" Only Sane Woman: Takada. Organ Theft: Or rather spine theft, After Halle Naomi broke it, Misa's new spine came from a Rodeo Clown that died in the street. Orphanage of Fear: Wammy's House Our Lawyers Advised This Trope: Rule 96: Because Our Lawyers Advised Against Listing Rule 69 Subverted, there IS a rule 69! Our Presidents Are Different: Of the President Buffoon variety. He sure does miss Cheney! Overprotective Dad: When Matsuda looks at Sayu wrong Mr. Yagami crushes Matsuda's balls with his ESP powers. Subverted later when Mr. Yagami begs Mello to take his kids. Overly-Long Scream: It takes forever for the subway molester to die. Parental Abandonment: Near would like to remind you he's an orphan. The Password Is Always Swordfish: The Perfect Crime: Light: Well would you look at that, Kira just killed all those people while I just sat here doing nothing. Ha! Weird, huh? Well I guess L was wrong about me being Kira, isn't that right guys? The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Snyder. Pity the Kidnapper: Mr. Yagami begs Mello to take his kids. Polite Villains, Rude Heroes: Light vs. L and Near. Mello is also very polite for a mobster. Politically Incorrect Villain: Mello. Also when Mello kidnaps Sayu, Mr. Yagami begs Mello to take his gay son as well. Mr. Yagami: How about this? I'll give you the death note and you can take my other daughter for free! Mello: No, no! I don't want that! I just want the death note! Mr. Yagami: What if I paid you? Poor Communication Kills: A Running Gag throughout the series. There's a final one when Ryuk moved to New York City in search of "The Big Apple." Those poor New Yorkers. Porn Stash: on Da Chief's computer Potty Emergency: Near has when while in the middle of calling up the taskforce. Pretty Freeloaders: Takada and Halle Naomi invite Misa out for dinner and then leave her with the bill. Primal Fear: L has his two greatest fears come true- being Buried Alive and wearing socks. Professional Killer: Gevanni Raye Penber is Near's hitman. Properly Paranoid: Light. Or maybe just paranoid. Light: Shhh. I'm sleuthing. Psychopathic Man Child: Light. An Axe Crazy, Bad Ass, wannebe-God who is innocent about the ways of the world and sexually naive. Pun: "Not on your watch!" Punny Name: Takada: How long have you been seeing Light? Misa: I see lights all the time! There's like a billion of them on the I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore... Day Tree! Pyro Maniac: Da Chief. Also Squinty Ide who goes on an arson rampage when he doesn't get credit for his role in the Kira case and no one remembers his name. Queer People Are Funny Rape and Switch: After the aforementioned incident with Ryuk; Light comes out of the closet. Rapid Fire No: From the music video: " Denying's not enough / so you can copy Shia LaBeouf" Rasputinian Death: When Matt gets shot up. "Ow! C'mon that was excessive force! C'mon you guys know what I'm saying! Stop it! That hurt!" Cue the missiles and the nuke. Reality Subtext: the Narrator breaks down over his personal issues. Really Gets Around: Sayu. She reminisces with Matsuda about the time when he and Mogi were watching her while she was somehow doing sixteen guys at one time. "Light Yagami. A drug filled prostitute" Relationship Reveal: Subverted... Light: Well, we've been outside talking for awhile and we've decided to make it official. I'm going to dump Misa so I can be with L! I LOVE L! AND HE LOVES ME! Everyone: Gasp Reports of My Death Were Greatly Exaggerated: Mr. Yagami says this when he gives his interview. L claims this too in his interview, claiming that Beyond Birthday kidnapped him while the cast was in Guatemala and assumed his identity leaving L alone.. in Guatemala. That is assuming it IS L telling the story and not Beyond. Repressed Memories: L uncovers a horrific repressed memory about Beyond Birthday... or rather of getting socks for his birthday. Reused Character Design: Lampshaded how Aiber and Wedy look like Raye and Naomi bleached blonde. And later with Giovanni and Halle. The Resenter: Rewriting Reality: Mikami learns his lesson about pissing off the Narrator. Revenge: Near has Gevanni Raye Penber carrying out a hit for him on Osoreda's brother when he's allegedly killed by Mikami first... Rick Roll: The Rival: Mello:
No Roger, I'm never going to work with him,
The first thing he did when he was born was
he flipped me off! Running Gag: "Heh heh. Glitter." "Worst! Day! Ever!" "Beat me at my own game, huh?" "You won't catch ME with my pants down!" Sadist Show: Well it's made into a Death Note Comedy... Samaritan Relationship Starter: Episode 13 of the second season, when Near reveals that Kira saved him from being molested the Foe Yay subtext becomes text- Near's still trying to catch Kira but their dialogue gets very flirty. Sanity Slippage: Light after L's death. And Mello after L's death and he suggests they need an M now and Near suggests they need an N as well. Also Light after first picking up the notebook. Sarcasm Mode Sarcastic Confession: Da Chief does this. Earlier he had taken to making what sounds like schizophrenic ravings about an alien invasion... He is actually part of the invading force. Scary Shiny Glasses: Da Chief when using his ESP power to crush Matsuda's balls. The Schizophrenia Conspiracy: L is really delusional, makes convoluted theories, and gets upset when his snacks stop talking to him. Later Da Chief seems to get this believing that the space aliens and the Death Eaters have teamed up with Lady Gaga to Take Over the World. Later Mello uncovers a conspiracy and begins raving at Takada " You Have to Believe Me!" Schmuck Bait: Near's party. Also the Death Note. Scully Syndrome: when Gevanni / Raye Penber reports seeing Mikami pulling out a Death Note: Near: Are you sure? It could just be another guy with a black notebook. Like the last 20, I mean, really, you have a serious obsession. Secret Identity: In this series Raye and Naomi don't die, they become Aiber and Wedy, and later Giovanni and Halle. Selective Obliviousness: When L tells the taskforce that Light is Kira. (With solid evidence to back it up this time!) Matsuda: La la la la la I'm not listening! Misa refuses to acknowledge that Light is gay. Light: Now I need a place to stay. Misa: You want to move in with me? Yay! Ryuk: Ha! Light: I... *Sighs* this is the worst day ever! Sequel Escalation: Light: Wait, L has successors? I thought we were done with him! Oh I hope I don't have to go against the entire alphabet. Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Epic Fail Future!Light: Get rid of the notebook while you still can! I am your future! Sex Changes Everything: Sex Slave: Ryuk sexually exploits Light and it turns out the real L was being kept alive in Light's basement/lovenest for the last 5 years. Sexual Karma: Right after Light says how much fun killing people is Ryuk notices how pretty his eyes are. She Is Not My Girlfriend / He Is Not My Boyfriend: Light with Misa when he has and L with Light. his Kira memories Shipper on Deck: Mr. Yagami offers Light to Mello. Shout-Out: to , Pokémon , Shaman King , Fist of the North Star , The Lion King , Inspector Gadget , Star Trek , Twilight , Justice League , Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series , Battle: Los Angeles , Dawson's Creek , How I Met Your Mother , and the theme song is Black Butler "I Can't Decide.", Light and the taskforce sing "Bohemian Rhapsody", Light tells Misa that " there can be only one", "Ooh Mad Libs!", " Your fridge is running." "Go Rem, ''fly!'' And do my bidding! Muwahahaha!", " Justice League Assemble!," Near asks for Amanda Hugankiss, the passcode is 1-2-3-4-5, and new rule of the Death Note: " Klaatu Barada Nikto" does not mean "we come in peace" especially when said by Keanu Reeves. Also the title of every episode is named after a movie or pop culture reference. "Whatever happened to that missle?" *the Death Star explodes*, and the mafia guy in the gimp mask speaks like Kenny. The truth is out there, Master Chief, "Seek and destroy!", and then there's Da Chief's final words about MANLINESS and his theme song.... Light hums the theme to when "sleuthing." Mikami is a The Pink Panther Level 12 Dungeon Master. Mello pulls up on his motocycle and delivers the line "Come with me if you want to live." In Re-Ryuk Ryuk's new Leitmotif is the theme from and then there's Batman this one. Oh, and you lost The Game. Sissy Villain: Light, full stop. Mello takes this Up to Eleven. The Slacker: " Dude!" Aizawa sounds like he's perpetually high, man! Small Name, Big Ego: Light, L, and... Near: It's the Near Show! Starring Near! Smart People Play Chess: Mikami ran the Chess Club in high school. The Snack Is More Interesting: L frequently talks to his snacks (and they talk back) while the rest of the taskforce are trying to talk to him about the Kira case. Something That Begins with "Boring": Light: Okay, I spy with my little eye... ( *Near calls*) Thank God. I thought I'd actually have to talk to you people. Spanner in the Works: Aizawa Souichiro intended to prove that Light and Takada are passing notes by touching and leaving a tell on the notepads but the night maids keep replacing the notepads after he leaves. Spared by the Adaptation: Mikami survived to become a famous Home Shopping Network host. His top selling items are fake Death Notes and fountain pens. And as of the Epilogue Misa has yet to commit suicide and she and Rem/Mogi are making many pornos together. Spear Carrier: Matt. Blink and you miss him. Speech Impediment: Mikami isn't particularly fanatical, he just says "God" whenever he's nervous. Spot the Imposter: In Ask the Cast and Crew #3 L explains that he didn't really die but Beyond Birthday assumed his identity during their hellish trip to Guatemala, and so B was the one killed by Rem and Light has been keeping the real L alive in his basement / lovenest for the last 5 years. Spy Speak: "We all fall down." Stalker with a Crush: Gevanni Raye Penber: Oh, I'll do more than just keep an eye on him. Stalker Without A Crush: Near towards Light "the fake L"... or maybe with a crush... Near keeps pestering Light with Harassing Phone Calls, asks him for " Amanda Hugankiss" and when Near is traumatized Light is the first person he calls. The Starscream: Mikami in the second alternate ending. Stealth Pun: Near describes Mikami's Bungled Suicide and High Pressure Blood as such: Near: He's got a fountain pen. Get him! Stop Copying Me: Light and Near get into one of these. "Stop that!" "You stop that!" Strawman News Media: Apparently it was Demegawa not Murdoch that was behind the creation of . Fox News Stringy Haired Ghost Guy: L "I'm haunting you." Stupidity Inducing Attack: Ryuk informed Light that he could use the notebook to just kill off parts of people so he uses it on Misa to make her even stupider... Crap, we've just made a Reality Breaking Paradox. Light himself falls victim to this when the Shinigami are controlling him in the finale. Suddenly Sexuality: When Light relinquishes his Kira memories he abruptly goes back in the closet and when he regains his memories... Suicide as Comedy: "MATSUDA, PLEASE! YOU CAN STILL STOP THIS! YOU CAN STILL KILL YOURSELF!!!" Supernatural Soap Opera: let's see going down the soap opera cliche checklist you've got a sexually confused Serial Killer, a Love Dodecahedron, an Evil Twin, a Tangled Family Tree, unsettling pregnancy reveals, Dude, She's Like, in a Coma!, Luke, I Am Your Father moments, characters coming Back from the Dead, a Twist Ending, a character with an Australian accent, and lots of GASPs and BigNos sprinkled throughout. Surrounded by Idiots: Also when Mello's mafia minions kidnap an old grey-haired guy... Mello: I asked you to bring me Sayu Yagami. A 17 year old girl. Does this look like a 17 year old girl to you? Minion 1: No... Minion 2: Yes. Suspiciously Apropos Music: "I Can't Decide / whether you should live or die..." and "You think you can love me and leave me to die..." "Don't Stop Me Now..."  Suspiciously Specific Denial: Light: But I'm a boy! Ryuk: Riiight. Take That, Audience!: the chart featuring the brain-size of the average abridged series viewer. Talking to Themself Television Geography: Lampshaded. Apparently Los Angeles is an empty desert with great mesas and canyons. Tempting Fate: Light: Yeah, like that would ever happen. Light: It's been five years and no sightings of L's ghost. I think I'm in the clear. ~Still haunting you.~ L: Light: Dammit! Ryuk: Man, the only thing that would make this day stranger if it started to rain money... ooh, kinda like that! Narrator: Mikami is a man of the people with a bright future ahead of him... *(cuts to Mikami committing sepukku with a pen.)* Shinigami:
*laughs* You're just a
poser with a notebook. We're actual Gods of Death.
What are you gonna do?
Yes, what's he going to do? Only try and destroy the gateway. Theme Music Power-Up: "Don't Stop Me Now..."  There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Matt gets shot up, hit by a barrage of missiles, and NUKED. They Fight Crime: Roger:
Wait, I thought of a great idea for a TV series! You two should work together! It would be like the
except with kids chasing dangerous criminals! One of you will probably die though.
It will be you, Near: Mello. They Killed Kenny Again: And then in L is resurrected only to immediately die again of suffocation. Ask the Cast and Crew #3 it's revealed that L is still alive and Beyond Birthday was the one who was killed by Rem. Light has been keeping L in his basement / lovenest for the last five years. But then right after that revelation it's implied that Light killed L (again) in a jealous rage. Think Nothing of It: Light when Near thanks him for killing Osoreda. Toilet Humor: especially in the first episode. Too Much Information Too Spicy for Yog Sothoth: Mr. Yagami begs Mello to kidnap Light as well. Also Da Chief got kicked out of the Death Eaters because he insisted on using a gun. Took a Level in Badass: Aizawa in episode 10 of the second season. He is no longer sounding stoned all the time and it's revealed to the audience that he's been a spy for Near all along and was probably Obfuscating Stupidity. Subverted. It's not that Aizawa has suddenly become a Badass. He's been possessed by the ghost of Chief Yagami. Took a Level in Dumbass: Light Took a Level in Jerkass: Aizawa again as of episode 10 of season 2. He suddenly becomes quite the Jerk Ass given his casual comments about violating Misa and pushing Sachiko down the stairs while she was pregnant. It is Justified: Souichiro's ghost is possessing Aizawa. Tragic Villain: Light. : Aw, isn't that cute? He thinks he has free will. Shinigami Transparent Closet: Light: "Raye Penber, I couldn't help but notice.... * sniff* your hair smells like strawberries." Light: *looking at porn* Oh, that girl's got a pretty ... face ... OH, check out that hot guy in the backgroun-uh, I mean, check out those classifed files in the background ... As L comments, "It's very creative how you dot your 'i's with hearts." When Near and Rester are trying to get Light to come to Near's "party": Near:
But if you wanted to get his attention than why did you mention girls? Even I think they're yucky.
Troll: Takada is clearly trolling Kira when she offers to "appease [Kira's] rage" by having Misa singing the I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore... Day Anthem—knowing full well how much he hates the sound of her voice. Trouser Space: Light: As for Misa's Death Note, I'll keep it in the only place I know it will be safe—my pants. Misa: Oh, it'll be safe there! Light doesn't even let me in his pants! Ryuk: You're not missing anything. Trust Me, I'm an X: Halle : Who are you gonna trust? Your bodyguard or some random stranger? Naomi The Twink: Light, especially in the early episodes. Light: So... you're a virgin? Twist Ending: Kira has just been a pawn in a larger game all along... Ugly Guy Hot "Wife": Ryuk and Light Unexplained Recovery: L and Mikami. The Unfavorite: Mr. Yagami begs Mello to kidnap Light (his "other daughter") too. And then after Sayu is kidnapped Souichiro is considering cutting his loses. The Unintelligible: Ukita, but for the grace of subtitles. Also the mafia guy in the gimp mask that sounds like Kenny. Unknown Rival: Mello Mello: Why hello there, Ms. Kiyomi Takada. I believe you should've figured out by now who I am. Takada: You're a terrible and mysterious criminal here to ravish me? Unprovoked Pervert Payback: As mentioned above when Mello kidnaps Takada she assumes it's because he's a rapist. Mello insists he's only kidnapped her because he's trying to expose the Ancient Conspiracy- You Have to Believe Me. Naturally, Takada doesn't believe him and so she kills Mello. Unsexy Sadist: Ryuk. Unusually Uninteresting Sight: During the raid on Mello's base, no one finds it odd that Light has a Shinigami. "Did my ugly assistant arrive yet?" Unrequited Love Lasts Forever Unusual Euphemism: Apples. Unwinnable by Design: Death Note Rule 0: The only winning move is not to play. Unwitting Pawn: Light to the Shinigami. The Vamp: Light's initial plan to "rescue Misa" was to seduce L. Villain's Dying Grace: When Light attempts to kill Matsuda in order to Save The World from the coming Shinigami invasion. It fails. Villains Out Shopping: A rather literal example in the first music video: Villainous Breakdown: Light after L dies. Also upon learning how the Shinigami were using him to Take Over the World. Villainous Crush: Light for L. Villainous Valour: Light, at the end. Vitriolic Best Buds: "You know Ryuk, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. With my brains, my looks and your uh... Death Note I can start a Kira fanclub!" Voices Are Mental: Lampshaded by the characters revealed to be Shinigami— after "dying" they just possess new bodies, and they berate Light that their having the same voices should have been a tip off. Voodoo Doll: Near's figurines. Wall of Text: "Man, this thing is loaded with rules. Lots and lots of them. Too long, did not read. I think I'll just write something in it." We Need a Distraction: When the riot arrives at Near's doorstep. Near (to Rester): Go outside and dance. "Well Done, Son!" Guy: Light with his father. Souichiro sees Light as nothing but a disappointment because not only is he gay but he didn't inheret any of the cool Shinigami powers. White Sheep: Light when compared to Souichiro and the other Shinigami. Who's Laughing Now?: Matsuda "WHO'S STUPID NOW, STUPID!" Why Couldn't You Be Different?: Da Chief, on his death bed, calls Light a disgrace and tells him how he always hated him for being gay. The Women Are Safe With Us: Why Light decides to keep Rem instead of Ryuk. Later Subverted maybe the queer boys are safe with her but not the women While possessing Mogi she takes advantage of a retarded!Misa and they make many pornos together. Worf Had The Flu: Kira easily kills Beyond Birthday after Beyond infiltrated the taskforce, however it's implied that Beyond fooled even himself into thinking he was L. Wrong Genre Savvy: Light. Near is playing a completly different game than L was and Light is doomed from the very beginning. Xanatos Gambit: The entire plot is one made by the Shinigami. No matter what happens they have their fall guy... Yandere: Light towards L. Light: Oh Ryuk, I haven't even begun to scare you yet! Yank the Dog's Chain: L is reserected only to immediately die again of suffocation. Yaoi Guys: Ryuk and Light, Mikami and Light, Light and . Also Mello and Matt. L (or maybe Beyond Birhday) You Are Too Late: When Light arrives at the Warehouse he's already being controlled by the notebook. You Have to Believe Me: In Re-Ryuk the school shooter upon encountering a "journal monster." It goes about as well as you can expect: Da Chief:
He's obviously lying! Shoot him!
You Just Told Me: see Engineered Public Confession above. You Keep Using That Word: Near
): Go buy a dictionary and look up the word
orphan! Your Mom