Pokémon: Animals like to fight, but they can't do it well without you! So even if they clearly have the capacity to think for themselves and run their own lives, you should capture them and force them to fight each other for your entertainment! They really want to be bossed around; all that escaping is just playing hard to get. After all, you have the right to enslave them because you're part of the majority group and have the technology to catch them.
If you ever come across a crime in progress, even if you are sufficiently equipped to prevent it, don't. The perpetrators will notice you, and they will follow you. Every. Single. Day. Of. Your. Life. Until they get their revenge. Their torment will extend to everyone else you ever meet as well. Even if you repeatedly come out ahead, the headache isn't worth it.
If you don't feel fulfilled taking care of your ten kids, you should abandon all your children completely! This will turn your eldest son into the most awesome nurturer ever! It may also make him a little desperate for a loving relationship, which he will never (ever) find, but that's of no consequence at all - he'll otherwise be perfectly healthy, happy, and mild-mannered, and any lingering deep-seated resentment he has will be expressed only in very very rare offhand comments, which everyone involved will completely ignore. In all other ways, you'll be a loving, happy family.
The movies: There are beings in the world that are far more powerful than you. It is no trouble for them to kill you if they desire it. Obviously they aren't specifically out to get you; you wouldn't be alive today if they were. But, you know, even they can have a bad day. Anyway, if the worst case scenario happens and their actions threaten to kill you, always remember this: there isn't a thing you can do about it. Your best course of action is to huddle with your loved ones in a corner and hope that a main character comes along. (Even if they do, don't think those beings are actually going to be punished for it. There are things even a main character can't do.)
Best case scenario however, you can catch them to make then into your slaves!
Not true. In fact, if you make an attempt to catch them or otherwise dispose of them, those main characters mentioned above will side with those powerful beings against you.
The games, for hardcore players: If you are not innately strong or have the wrong nature, you are a worthless being and your only purpose in life is prostitution to produce an ideal being. Or as a slave forced to perform the same tedious tasks every day because your pimp master can't be bothered to find a boat/machete/airport.
Even if you're inherently strong, your sole purpose in life is to beat others of your kind to deathfainting.
The anime, for the same people: It doesn't matter how far you travel, how many people you meet and befriend, how many wonders you behold (especially in the "living god" category), or what kind of memories and experiences you share with the ones you care about. None of it matters if you can't beat everyone you meet in competition. Dare to be beaten by someone who happened to be luckier (or worse, more skilled) than you in a regional competition hosting thousands of entrants, and your life might as well have not happened.
Conversely, for the writers: If you ever get any closer to achieving your life's dream, no matter what else you might be able to do afterwards, your life will immediately become totally uninteresting, so it's better for everyone involved that you always fail in the end and start from scratch.
It's completely okay to kidnap sentient beings, use them as vehicles and tools, and force them to fight for your amusement. In fact, they all want you to. It's the true meaning of friendship.
A major element of being a worthy main character is to accept your friends for what they are. Do not make an effort to change them, even if the result would be considerably stronger and cooler-looking, and even not if such a change is completely natural for them.
Gonna visit a new region? Abandonthose weak-ass Pokemon who failed to let you win the tournament! Hell, wreck the damn bus, too! Except your starter, for only that one has a hidden reset switch.
Exploiting Pokemon to further your own ambitions is encouraged, unless you wear a uniform with an R on it.
It's OK to treat your Pokemon like garbage, but your rival? Ohhhh no freaking way.
Faun over every female nurse and police officer with Bishie Sparkle POWAH! Then, enjoy getting cockblocked via a redhead, glasses-wearing pipsqueak, or a neurotoxic prostate exam from a frog.
Just because you want to succeed at your life's goal doesn't mean you will.
Sometimes the events of your life come into conflict with the sensibilities of those who wish to hear about them, whether through subjects deemed inappropriate, medical conditions or even recent traumas. In that case, simply omit those events! Don't worry if it means important elements will go unexplained, potential characters will go missing or the plot might even derail significantly. Things will work out eventually, right?
ONIGIRI RICE CAKES ARE DONUTS, BITCH!!
Meditation will increase your attack power! Beating your belly like a drum will maximize it, but at the cost of half your lifespan—so be careful.