Your shy friend should be forced into terrifying things, or completely changing themselves, and you're an awesome person for dragging them into a life-threatening situation without any sort of consent. And if they turn into a complete bitch because of the stress, it's totally their fault or the person trying to help them improve their lives; not you.
Meta example: An attempt at making an engaging cartoon for little girls will end up attracting primarily adult men.
Throwing temper tantrums and dishing out personal attacks are a great way to show that you appreciate your show.
Everybody has a calling in life and if you don't know what yours is by the time you're about eighteen something is seriously wrong with you.
Only women deserve to be "true" royalty, that is be alicorns and have actual power and authority. Men are only fit to be figureheads at best and should take a back seat.
In the same vein, the males who fight for the sake of Equestria will be thrown in the military to be laughably underequipped and given no resources or regard despite being expected to face supernatural threats that they have no hope in even standing a chance against. The females will be gathered into what is essentially Special Forces, given superpowered MacGuffins and (eventually) a leader with power and dominion over all three pony species, and given preferred treatment and countless perks. This is because Men Are the Expendable Gender and Women Are Wiser.
From the opposite side of the fence, the males who fight for the sake of Equestria will get a paycheck for their effort and hopefully some family benefits (their orphans and widows will need it after Discord reversed his gravity or the Changelings killing them). The females who fight for Equestria better find some sidework as a weather pony or a farmer because Celestia ain't going to pay them shit.
No matter how powerful and experienced you may be, if you're the leader you never have to lend a hand in battle unless you happen to find yourself caught in the fray. Your evil sister, a cackling Mad God, or an evil dictator shows up? Send the goons and call it a "test". Even if you happen to be in town where a massive flying bugbear you could easily take down is actively beating the crap out of your subjects, just go on in and have a slice of cake: nobody will ever call you on it.
Someone who is a different race, who was born into servitude and lives with their employer, is apparently unpaid, regularly neglected (bordering on abuse), struck for getting out of line, and who is punished or chastized every time they try to obtain some manner of material gain in exchange for their services is known as a "Number One Assistant", not an ethnic slave.
A proper police force is entirely worthless, and the military should stay put in the capital city unless one of the Princesses needs an escort. The entire regions of Equestria that are suffering greatly and being ruled over by warlords, megalomaniacs, and God only knows what else as a result of no law enforcement will do just fine until Twi and the gang happen to show up, and just look at how well the (literal) Torches and Pitchforks justice is doing in Appleoosa.
When a family member goes to prison, sit back and let everyonecompletely vilefy them to the point that it is common belief the family member ate children. This even applies if you're the leader of a country and thus in a position to tell them to knock that shit off, and if their slander has spread to the point of celebrating a national holiday about it. This won't actually make their already difficult readjustment to society harder or make you look like a callous uncaring backstabber; in fact it will make things easier and funner for everyone involved because everyone loves a good scare!
If a unicorn levitates you to a place you don't want to go, it's not kidnapping.
Have a problem? Cast it aside and forget about it. If it comes back, foist the responsibility of it onto someone else.
Friendship is literally magic because a person's interest in it is what determines if they're worthy of redemption and trust, not their morality or motivations for their actions. The braggart stage magician, the pair of con artists, the Emotion Eater, and the "bully" griffon are unworthy of redemption or a second chance because they're not motivated by making friends, just things like making a living, self defense, or finding something to eat. The Mad God who ruled the world in everlasting chaos and is still a jerk after being reformed and the mare who's careless, monsterous, and intentional misuse of magic led to the destruction of the world several times over and countless deaths and suffering which was only "fixed" by time travel deserve all the chances in the world because they just want friends. Wait, the stage magician secretly does want friends? Let's give her a second chance then! The only time this rule doesn't come into effect is when said evil person is the younger sister of the ruler; she gets all the second chances.
No matter what bad things you do, no matter how severe, you will be instantly forgiven if you apologize. Unless your name is Trixie.
When you're a female character who has no real development or personality outside of being "cute and shy" you're Moe and the fandom loves you. When you're a male character who has no real development or personality outside of being "handsome and shy" you're WORST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. That's fair, right?
High school completely revolves around proms and band concerts, you'll never spend more than 5 percent of your time actually learning.
The site of your last major epiphany is your real home, even if everyone there hates you.
Run away from home and become what amounts to being a criminal! You'll get to do whatever you want, embark on an adventure, meet some True Companions, and even Save The World! No one will ever question where you came from, and your parents, relatives, friends, and assorted caregivers or associates will never worry about you or look for you or anything. Even if they do, who cares? You're what's important, not them.
If you're a hard working studious type than you should recognise that interacting with people is important to really get ahead in life, and if you're a girl's marketing toy, then a you shouldn't be studying something scientific like magic, but rather a social science like friendship. Your mentor won't support any of your concerns, no matter how valid, until you comply.
Being quiet and studious and having only a close friend/assistant isn't the way to live your life, you need to make more friends.
It's completely fine for people to make ridiculous generalizations of certain species simply because one of them was a jerkass.
When a jerkass picks on the elderly, don't sweat it... When they attack the cute one though, they must die.
Making someone cry is an unforgivable crime.
Pulling constant, humiliating pranks on someone is completely okay, as long as you have no malicious intent while doing it. And if the person you're pranking gets mad at you for it, they're a boring jerkface who should loosen up.
If your shy friend is too sensitive to be pranked, it would be an appalling sin to do it. If your "cool" friend is too sensitive to be pranked, then tell her off and end the friendship immediately.
It doesn't matter if the performance is free, the attendance optional and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. If you don't like it, heckle and try to upstage the performer instead of just leaving. If they put you in your place, they're the ones in the wrong.
On the other side of the fence, if you're giving a live show and some hecklers who don't like it jump up on stage and actively challenge you, it's a bad idea to accept and an even worse idea to best them. In other words, don't defend yourself. Ever.
There will be minimal negative ramifications, for you, for heading into an Eldritch Location to lure an uncontrolled giant monster, say, a celestial ursine to your populated and unsuspecting village for something as petty as finding out if someone has accomplished a feat before, on the grounds of if they could do it before, regardless of possible unknown circumstances involved, she can do it again. And if she can't, well the safety of you and your neighbors is someone else's problem.
The appropriate punishment for such property-damaging and life-threatening stupidity is to give the offenders mustaches.
Being a jerkass and a braggart means that you deserve to have your life and possessions destroyed.
It's completely fine to laugh at the misfortune of others if you're the protagonist.
If you see a problem imminent that nobody else does, it's perfectly okay to not even bother informing anybody of it beforehand; instead, start preparing to fix the resultant disaster yourself, singlehandedly, and you will win praise and admiration from people who'll completely ignore that you could have stopped this before anyone went wrong.
If your first plan to solve the problem totally worked, and was only foiled by an unforseen and easily preventable external circumstance (tie up Fluttershy this time so she can't stupidly keep one of the things), don't try the clearly effective plan again.
If you have a problem, don't actually solve it. Get it out of your hair and leave it up to someone else to solve. See also: Princess Celestia and every major returning villain ever.
If you don't seem to be good at anything, go into management! (Just like in Dilbert!)
The plebeians cannot manage themselves and require the nobility to organize them into being effective at their tasks.
If you fail at real work because you're too accustomed to using resources inherited from your noble bloodline, it's not because you're spoiled, it's because you're naturally gifted in being in a position of authority.
Always stick with your traditional ways, even if those ways mean you fail in your annual task each and every time.
Allowing two races to work at optimum efficiency while forcing a third one to ignore their natural talent (of having a magical horn) is not racism, it's tradition.
You'll be Easily Forgiven if you let your friend sleep on a melting block of ice over a lake, even if he catches a cold. It's not like leaving a very young child stranded out in the middle of a freezing cold lake isn't needlessly cruel and debatably child abuse, or like such an act could easily result in drowning.
If you let rivalry interfere with your performance in a race, you'll lose to the nonathletic nerd.
You can be crowned winner of a sporting event if you use a blatantly unfair advantage against an opponent you couldn't beat without said advantage. You keep the winner's title anyway, and no one besides the loser will question it.
Alternatively, using your natural talents is absolutely wrong. You must always bring yourself down to other people's level.
Some people are inherently more advantaged than others.
Tying a big heavy rope around someone will guarantee a fair race, because true athletes are unaffected by added weight, impaired mobility, discomfort, chafing, and tight bindings around the lungs.
It's okay to take land away from native Indians as long as you throw pie at them. It's not like they were using the land for anything, not properly.
If the Native Americans had been more reasonable and had seen things from the white settler's point of view, they wouldn't have lost all their land. Both parties are equally to blame for the genocide of the Native Americans.
If you take something from someone its OK if you give half of it back.
The Genocidal Westward Expansion could have gone by with a lot less death had the settlers had some tasty pie on hand. The same can probably be said for The Holocaust and The Great Purge.
If you go insane over some silly detail, it's your friends' fault for not taking your baseless, self-imposed, and idiotic freakout seriously enough.
On the flipside, when your friend is clearly having a near-breakdown over what you percieve to be a silly notion, mock them and brush their concerns aside. It's not like there's things happening you're not aware of, or like you friend might be in need of serious help: ignoring their literal plea for help is what a true friend would do.
Brainwashing an entire town pales in comparison to ignoring a friend or being a bad student. Seriously, it's not like your selfish and ethically ropey misuse of magic was heinous, creepy, or downright dangerous, or anything like that.
Being passive-aggressive is a great way to deal with your problems, instead of confronting them directly.
If somepony mows your lawn for you and then makes a silly comment, feel free to mock her mercilessly about the silly comment without thanking her for mowing your lawn.
Hypocrisy is perfectly alright if it means teaching somebody a lesson.
Regarding the fandom reaction: If your friend is being an insufferable, entitled braggart about something they're good at, anonymously showing them how to express the same talent without being a jerk about it is a personal offense against them and definitely crosses the line. Suddenly not being able to feed one's overblown ego counts as true suffering, and you're a bad friend if you ever dispel someone's illusion that they're the best thing in existence.
You can either deny and suppress your natural biological urges and remain a baby forever, or become a mindless rampaging monster.
It's okay for an adult to intentionally feed into a crush a child has on him or her in order to elicit gifts and favors. This is cute and charming, not something that wouldn't be out of place in an episode of Criminal Minds.
If they are just now learning no doctor knows what do do with Spike since he's a dragon, then that means he's never visited the doctor. Thus, raising a child without once ever taking him in for a checkup or his inoculations is a-okay! Twilight Sparkle says so!
Don't bother accepting those who are different unless there is a selfish or pragmatic reason to do so. Simply doing it out of empathy or because it is the right thing to do isn't good enough; wait until there is a looming threat that can only be repelled with their cooperation or you otherwise need them for your own selfish ends.
Technological progress and men in management positions are evil! Oh, and so is capitalism. If two guys show up with a perfectly effective means of fostering industrialization and increasing overall productivity, it's your duty to humiliate them and permanently run them out of town, even if they're technically just doing their jobs. Oh, and that applies even if they're only filling an economic niche you can't due to inadequate production. Free market competition is bad, kids!
Gamble your livelihood recklessly; even if you lose, events will conspire to help you get back into business anyway.
That said, even if you have laughably bad business sense, the inability to supply your demand, and can't even be bothered to attempt to keep your customers happy, you'll succeed as a business no matter what because your friends will bail you out each and every time.
Singing traveling salesmen are evil. If any show up, destroy them.
Don't give a damn about the small mom and pop operation until they're already out of business. Until that happens, feel free to support and cheer on the competitor who is actively putting them out of business. You buying your carpets at Walmart instead of that little place on 5th didn't contribute to the latter going bankrupt; it's the evil corporations, man!
If you invent something the world has never seen before that is years ahead of anything else technologically, use it purely for transportation and jerking around some farmers instead of mass-producing it and changing the world as you know it. The billions of dollars and fame you would amass is nothing compared to the meager income you could make taking over a small farm in a small town and selling to about 60 customers.
Even when you learned not to make stupid bets, learned that your business model sucks, learned how much you could easily meet your product demand by hiring five extra farm hands for a day at most (hell, your friends would probably do it for some free cider), and learned you could literally be rolling in cash since even your laughably inefficient current cider system earns enough to keep the farm afloat for the entire winter, gloat that "you didn't learn anythin'" and that you were right all along. Be sure to add that if you take your time to do things "the right way" the work will speak for itself, even when Granny Smith herself acknowledged that compared to the competition your method and product was inferior in every single way.
Stalking, harassment and accidental vandalism will make you friends.
Unfriendly people are really just hiding their inner pain. Pester them until they reveal it to you. See also: Amending Fences
Being friends with people is a thing you must do because you always make friends with people and this one will be no exception! It's not because you genuinely have their best interests at heart, or anything like that. You just want to prod them until they do what you want them to do.
Don't respect people's personal space. Anyone who doesn't want to interact with you is just hurting deep down and needs you to friend the hell out of them, despite anything they say to the contrary.
Putting a note in an awkward place, or not looking for one, is romantically tragic rather than pretty stupid.
Everyone has to like you and be your friend. If someone doesn't want to be friends with you, something is definitely wrong with him or her.
If you meet someone who you get on really well with and then loose contact with them you must walk the earth until you find them. Speaking to the organisers of the ticketed function about what seems to be the only other person of your race at the event is futile.
Remember, it's perfectly okay to enjoy the pain and humiliation of others. Gossip is only a terrible crime when you're the one being gossiped about. Everyone else is fair game.
It's okay to hate and shun a few children for being involved in a gossip column in a school newspaper instead of explaining to them that what they did was wrong.
The bad guy is always the editor behind the trashy paper. No one thinks to blame the readers for buying and reading the trashy paper, and thereby handing the editor an excuse to keep selling it.
"It's okay to gossip, but when you gossip about me, I'll ostracize you, and everyone else should, too!"
Writing, editing, and distributing a trashy gossip column is wrong and you will be punished for it. Now taking the pictures to accompany that trashy gossip column is a-okay and will get you a reward in the end.
If you see a couple feuding, stick your nose in and force them to love one another once again. Even if they are complete strangers. It's not like they could have a valid reason to be fighting, or one is an absolute abusive prick and the other has finally worked up the courage to leave after years of physical and emotional abuse, or not lovers at all and rather siblings or something. Use Mind Rape if it's an option.
If your girlfriend has suddenly turned bitchy and abusive, it's not her fault, she's been replaced by a doppleganger.
Girls, if your brother is getting married and you don't like the bride, you have every right to call off the wedding.
Princesses are more important than your friends and siblings, even when said princess is the villain the whole time.
As long as you have a good enough excuse, it's fine to keep your relationships a secret from your family until the day of the wedding.
Only marry someone if you already know and love their younger sister.
Defeat an army of love-eating monsters by finding your partner and loving him really hard.
The bride is being bitchy about everything? It's her wedding, she can do whatever she wants! Even if the bride in question isn't the real one.
You should take your friends' concerns seriously, except if they're bitching about someone who can get you fame and fortune. At which point, disregard everything they say.
Praise your students for following their gut when they're gut is correct, and chastise them for following their gut when their gut is wrong. That's fair, right?
Pack all of your leadership positions with in-laws, family members, and friends! The fact that the soldiers under the command and deployment of your Captain are so weak and poorly trained they in a state of ready deployment lost the capital in about 10 minutes, the fact that the person is such a glaring and obvious weak link that a perfect stranger was able to recognize it and use him as a one-point-of-failure to topple your entire military, and the fact that he gets his clock completely cleanedeverytime he even attempts to battle an opponent aside, he's the brother of your favorite pupil and husband of your niece so it would be mean to reprimand or replace him, or even expect subpar performance from him.
The hoi polloi are beneath you and and only exist to be your pawns to be freely used with as little regard as you like. Thus it's perfectly fair to send your student in unprepared, uninformed, without her signature weapon that could solve the issue, and with restrictive criteria that goes against what you have taught her before, putting the lives of thousands of innocent people (even the lives of your Captain and your niece) in terrible danger, as a "test" just to see if your student can pull it off.
Adding to the above, when the test goes completely to pot, your student fails the test miserably, and the day is saved purely by dumb luck, praise your student, pretend it was a Secret Test of Character, and begin planning to make her a princess. Because doing a job poorly, crumbling under pressure, and ultimately having to be bailed out by others are all signs of a good candidate to recieve more power and authority.
Throwing your wife always works.
Just give in and let your friend finish your test for you, surely your teacher won't mind.
Completing a test given by a Princess - who doesn't even have the decency to explain what it is beforehand - is clearly so important when the stakes are hundreds of innocent lives. This is why it's OK to worry about the test even when an entire empire is being consumed while you waste time thinking about it.
The best way to reward someone for saving your life is to not invite them to your empire, but invite all of their friends (who did nothing) instead.note As long as they get treated well when you finally get around to it, there'll be no hard feelings.
Apologize for saving an entire empire if you didn't follow someone's instructions to the letter.
Friendship is magic, except when the teacher asks you to do it alone.
If you're trying to distinguish your friend from a bunch of her clones, the best test is one your friend is naturally bad at and stands a real chance of failing. No possible way that could backfire.
Implying: If you fail at something due to a disability, you're simply not trying hard enough. Don't you love your friends enough to overcome your disability when it really matters?
Alternatively: If your disabled friend gets lost among a bunch of impostors, don't worry about finding out which is the real one by, like, talking to them. Set up a test that will find the least disabled one instead, and make your own life easier.
Euthanize the mentally disabled. It doesn't matter that they're living, thinking, feeling people or that alternatives exist: they're a burden and should be put out of their, but mostly your, misery.
An apologetic bully gets no punishment, no matter how nasty she's been, so long as she has a sympathetic enough sob story which isn't too different from the sob story of her victims (i.e. getting bullied for their lack of something).
Your bully will be your best friend if you save them from the trap that you originally built to humiliate them completely.
If you have a Freudian Excuse for your bad actions, everybody will forgive you easily.
Bullies are just covering up their own insecurities and should be treated with kindness, except when they shouldn't.
If you attempt to get revenge on a bully, you're the bad guy, not the bully. To their credit, it's Truth in Television.
Recklessly endangering the life of your bully isn't a major overreaction to being bullied.
If you don't forgive your bully, something's wrong with you.
Your victims of your bullying will forgive you easily, no matter how bad you treated them. They won't be traumatized or hold a grudge against you for it, not at all!
When you realize just how horrible things you were doing in order to get a revenge on your unwilling rival, you should seek her forgiveness. But feel free to ignore all those other people you've been tormenting along the way.
Don't bother trying to improve yourself. You'll only turn evil.
If someone tells you something you're trying to buy is dangerous, then meh, someone will come and save you later, and you can just say sorry. That gives you instant amnesty.
You can spend your money to buy victory.
Not to mention cheat your way to it too. But don't worry, it's completely justified if your friends are part of the whole thing.
Torturing children, enslaving an entire town, and downright being mean is no big deal if you apologize afterwards. Don't forget to pratfall on your way out!
If you actually expect money in return for watching over a pet and aren't just doing it out of the kindness of your heart you're being a greedy, careless bastard.
The universe will hate you, even if you did a good thing and saved a lot of people.
Of course you're frustrated that you weren't invited back to an empire you helped to save from the clutches of evil, and one of your friends completely understands how you feel. You're still not going, though. No one else cares.
Teach the boy a lesson about greed by stealing his pocket change and giving it away. That'll learn him, kids, because earning your own money to purchase goods and services is wrong!
Don't be afraid of the creepy as all hell forest at night◊, even if it's been well established that the world is packed full of dangerous and aggressive monsters that would just love to sink their fangs into some filly back ribs.
If you miss your friend who's joined a military organization, just wander uninvited into their live training zone. You'll get to spend the rest of the day hanging out with them, rather than landing both him and yourself in Military Police custody.
When someone is doing wrong, it only matters to you when they endanger your friends. Your teammates who count on and trust you? Pffff, they have their own friends who can worry about their well-being.
Whining to the sergeant because you didn't get your way, complacently following someone who is actively and willingly breaking the rules, and then betraying them for entirely selfish motivations, is the mark of a true leader.
Being ambitious is a bad thing. You are 100% wrong for even considering changing or improving a tradition, and it will only end in destruction and property damage if you try it.
If, through incompetence, you destroy your own home, just tell your extended family to build you a new one for — literally — a song. Don't give them any opportunity to refuse and under no circumstances utter the words "please" or "thank you" for their efforts. Finally, take credit for providing everyone with a "fun activity".
Brainwashing your enemies to join on your side is morally ok, as long as you or your leader have a "good use" for him.
An unapologetic sociopath is damaging your home and threatening to drive a wedge between you and your best friends? The only solution is to put all your trust in friendship being enough to change him. If he still takes actions that hurt you or others, you're not being friendly enough.
Remember kids, friendship is magic, even it it means befriending former evil beings who were once a threat to your lives and the world's continued existance.
If you're in a relationship where you're being mistreated and even abused it's your duty to do absolutely nothing, take all the flak, and hope he changes one day. Perhaps get back in the kitchen and make him a sammich while you're at it.
The best way to attract people to your town is to get a group of people from another town far away who've only visited once before to do it for you.
If your visitor turns out to dislike fancy fanfares, but nevertheless is annoyed at not getting any kind of welcome at all, she'll be perfectly happy upon hearing that there was a fancy fanfare (but it was accidentally given to somepony else), so happy ending. Yeah, us neither.
If you're not sure how something works, the best way to find out is by ignoring vague warnings and using it. And if you can fix whatever problems your curiosity creates, your ingenuity will be rewarded, giving you even more power and responsibility.
Accidentally mind-raping your friends is sure to work out in your favor!
Your destiny is EXACTLY one vague interpretation of a picture on your butt, and there's no variation. That includes the smiling flowers meaning you should be a teacher.
If you hate what you do for a living, but are told it is your destiny, don't question it and don't try to find something else you enjoy.
If you have a tattoo of something tangentially related to a job on your thigh, it is clearly your destiny, regardless of how completely incompetent you are at it.
It's not okay to mess with the lives of others... unless you're a god.
"Destiny" and "creating a new magic" both make good qualifications for being promoted to what seems to be a leadership role. All the previous things that clearly demonstrated your mental instability, semi-reclusive nature, tendency to freak out under pressure, repeated neglect and borderline abuse of your assistant, and habit of using unknown magic recklessly (including the incident that led to this)? The possibility that at least one of your friends has learned just as much about this magic as you have? Or that little thing called the informed consent of the pony — you — who's having this destiny handed to her so suddenly and unexpectedly? None of that matters at all. Slap on the wings and crown!
Adding to the above, nevermind the fact that Fluttershy's understanding of kindness and friendship was enough to reform Discord, an act that not even Princess Celestia could do, or that it took the combined efforts of all five of the ponies to just barely outperform Rainbow Dash in The Mysterious Mare Do Well, or the clear and evident leadership abilities and selfless heroics displayed by Applejack, or the friendship talents of Pinkie Pie who has memorized every minute detail of every pony in town for no reason other than to spread friendship and happiness, or Rarity's pragmaticism that enabled her to extract herself from a hostage situation in A Dog and Pony Show, or that all five of these ponies have learned every bit as much as Twilight Sparkle about friendship since they've been with her every step of the way. Give the title of "Princess of Friendship", and all the power and authority that comes with it, to the pony mentioned in the last point who has only developed a cursory understanding of friendship at best. Her being your favorite pupil and in-law is a good enough reason to choose her above the others, right?
Only royalty deserve to be members of the Alicorn master race. And only members of the Alicorn master race deserve to be royalty (otherwise they're evil). The plebeians all have to get by stuck on the ground without opposable thumbs, much less magic, to interact with the world.
Most of your leaders are missing and you only have one left to rule the land if you fail your potentially suicidal mission? Don't send her away to look after the town, bring her with you! If you really think a person in a position of high authority shouldn't be out on the front lines, you're just not a very good friend.
Your friend is the only one who knows what your goal even looks like, has the knowledge and skills to fix the problem, wears a key to making your superweapon work, and can not only fly or teleport out of danger but has more power than all of you combined? Never mind all those times you learned to stick together; send her away because she'll only be a liability.
It is always a good idea to wander around the ruins of a castle in the middle of the night, even when you've seen that it is literally falling apart, because there is little to no chance of something actually falling on and injuring or killing you.
Similarly, upon discovering it is actually littered with still-functioning booby traps, it's probably still a good idea to keep exploring anyways. If you're lucky enough to know the people who once lived there and who know where all the traps are, how to avoid them, and may even be nice enough to provide a map, don't go and talk to them. Just keep wandering around; it'll be fine!
If you obsess over and stalk a celebrity, eventually you'll get to become their best friend! They'll in no way find it strange that you've invaded their home, they just might need some time to warm up to you.
All fantasy authors are really writing true stories about themselves.
You should be incredibly proud of your children for making a lone trek across what appears to be uninhabited and probably very dangerous terrain (considering whathangsout in uninhabited terrain in this world) to go to another country, not absolutely shocked or horrified at how dangerous it actually was, or ashamed of your obvious neglect and failing as a parent.
This is always a great alternative to just waiting for the next train, by the way.
If you use hair spray regularly, you either go crazy or end as an Minion to an Villain
If you know everything about a scenario but have no fighting abilities, you shall not provide intel. Instead, wait until you hear a speech about how you can fight.
Tell the boy how important he is to you and your friends, then prove it by walking off and abandoning him while laughing about it.
The name of a store declares what it sells in the most literal sense possible. Therefore, the House of Enchanted Comics sells comics that are enchanted, Footlocker sells locks for your feet, and K Mart sells K's. If you don't realize this, you're an idiot.
Go ahead and let children purchase clearly hazardous things without so much as a warning. While we're at it, let's just lose the Surgeon General's warning and age restriction from cigarettes as well.
When an expert on farming and an expert on animals are having an argument about the destruction of a crop by animals, your best bet is to pick a third option that completely ignores and disregards their opinions.
Even if your hair-brained attempts to use one massive fix-all spell have failed everysingleothertime you've used one with rather disastrous results each time, go ahead and try one again! It's not like you'll forcibly change one of your dearest friends into a monster that practically obliterates another of your dearest friend's entire crops or anything.
Given the choice between accommodating animals in your crops and chasing them out, do the ethical thing and mindrape them into avoiding their natural food source. Bonus points if said animals are clearly sentient.
The animal rights activist knows absolutely nothing about farming, but her opinion on an infestation must be considered with equal weight to that of the farmer whose livelihood is directly threatened. Especially if she has recently made poor judgements about a pest in the past which directly caused two consecutive destructive infestations that led to the utter ruin of an entire town.
Meta Example: Applejack is boring and Fluttershy is cute. That means Fluttershy was completely right and Applejack was being sadistic.
It's okay to use your friends if you talk louder than them.
The best way to deal with pests is to diplomatically reason with them. If you would only talk to those cockroaches, get to know them, and set up some living space for them, you'd find they're more than happy to abide by your rules and stay out of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Don't worry about those bed bugs either; you don't need all that blood, after all.
Even high-ranking government officials can't flag down a cab in New York, so don't feel bad.
Never show an ounce of generosity to anyone you'll later be competing against or they'll backstab you.
The person who allowed the one who stole your work to get ahead apologized to you, so she should be rewarded by giving her the extremely lucrative job you were planning to take.
A job isn't any sort of commitment or responsibility, it's something you as an employee can freely pass on to whomever you like, even if you have no idea of their ability level. This holds true even if you've already accepted a highly valuable, nonrefundable payment.
Don't like your job? Betray your employer to a rival and you'll get a better one!
Lying and backstabbing is the way to win, but only if you make sure your assistant won't betray you in turn.
The creative process takes priority over property boundaries. Hotels don't mind at all if you destroy their furniture and facilities for dressmaking material.
Remember, kids... if you're faced with a difficult decision between supporting your friends and following your dreams, don't ask your friends for advice or support. They will only judge you.
When your friend comes to you with a difficult decision, tell her that you refuse to help her decide, but then spend the rest of the day guilt-tripping her, glaring at her, and needling her until she does what you want. Even (or especially) if it's not in her best interests to do so.
Because the real reason to stay with a losing team and (possibly) throw away your dream has nothing to do with the teammates who would be directly affected by your actions, but rather because your friends who aren't competing might feel bad.
When someone twists your Exact Words into something else for their own financial gain, obviously you're the one who lied, so you should apologize.
The Placebo Effect doesn't exist. Neither do psychosomatic ailments.
Self-confidence inevitably leads to suicidally foolhardy actions. Don't encourage it, crush it.
Don't believe that a cure-all potion could exist, even if you live in a world where potions are a very real thing and especially if your sister whipped one up that made your brother want to romp about in the hay with the hot school marm.
Blame the boy who provided the spellbook for all the damage it caused, not the person who actually used the book and did the damage. After all, why blame the gunman when you could blame the store who sold him the firearm?
That said, when the first (and only time) you were actually placed in a position of authority and chose to shirk said duty so you could instead go on an adventure with your friends effectively leaving all of Equestria and it's citizens in an undefended leaderless panic, you are fully justified in being upset that you no longer have any administrative responsibilities beyond waving to crowds.
When given vague instructions from an unknown source to go to an unknown land for unknown reasons, you should totally do it right away with no planning, reinforcements, or even telling anyone where you are going. What could possibly go wrong?
Attempts at social equality are always evil and will always fail. Long live capitalism!
If you hate yourself for being different from others, then something is mentally wrong with you.
You're crazy if you refuse to listen to annoying speeches about being unique.
The human version of the episode's aesop: Don't worry, prepubescent girls, even though you'll be stuck with the body you get when you hit puberty, your family and friends will still love you no matter what size your boobs are when they grow in.
Careers in jobs such as pest management, custodial work, and the food industry are terrible and you are too good and special to do anything like that. Save those jobs for those beneath you who should give up on their dreams because they're not a special unique snowflake like you.
Onceagain, we learn that causing mass destruction and endangering an entire town's way of life for selfish or frivolous reasons will lead to absolutely no repercussions provided it was an honest mistake and you learn your lesson. Even if it was actually intentional and you didn't learn your lesson.
Your pet going to sleep for a few months is a perfectly legitimate reason to commit eco-terrorism.
Training doesn't matter for crud. Destiny will let you stumble rump-backwards into being the best there is, even if it's something you don't necessarily want to do.
Take what wanted criminals say completely at face value. It's not like a wanted criminal accused of repeated and destructive crimes would ever try to fabricate his story to sound justified in his actions or like a victim of circumstance, or outright lie to sound innocent.
You will accept your place in life, be it good, bad, wanted, or not, and it is both a wrong and pointless endeavor to ever strive for anything else.
Want to liven up an event you find boring? Do you exercise your power as an undisputed ruler, an event organizer, close friends with one of the other event organizers, and an incredibly popular person to change things up to your liking? NOPE! Invite a barely reformed criminal who has nearly killed people on multiple occasions even after his supposed reformation. Passive-aggressiveness for the win!
If you get angry or jealous because your close friend snubbed you for someone else without telling you, obviously you're in the wrong.
When someone trashes an event for selfish reasons, it's wrong and he or she deserves to be chewed out for it. When you or one of your friends does it, it's good because that event was boring anyways.
If a disaster or dangerous event is happening in the very heart of town, an appropriate response is to ignore it. Evacuation, coming to the aid of others, or even running for cover are overrated anyways.
Better yet, assume someone else will take care of the disaster. They usually do.
Putting your tongue on an arcade machine that has been handled by countless others is fun, safe, hygenic, and an all around good idea. Especially if countless others have also put their tongues all over it too: it's just extra flavor.
If you have a Cool Car, pedestrians yield to you and the rules of the road no longer apply.
Bad things will happen as a direct result of you trying, to the best of your abilities, to properly and completely do the job that was given to you. All those times you abuse the perks of your job will cause no repercussions, however.
Children can be expected to fend for themselves when trapped in a dangerous body of water. Even if you can fly and retrieve them from a distance, leave them to their own devices and find something else to do.
When doing your job causes problems for others, you owe them an apology, while the person who gave you the job in the first place takes no responsibility.
Even if you're practically the adopted son of someone famous, you deserve none of their perks.
It doesn't matter how many lives you've saved, if you're not a princess you will always be obscure.
No matter how much damage your actions have caused, simply saying "I'm sorry" is enough to fully absolve you of all guilt. Even if you destroy the site of an important event and demolish an important monument, a simple apology and a feeble attempt to repair the damages are enough to earn everyone's forgiveness.
Do everything in your power to prevent the boy from doing his part (which is what led to the destructive outcome in the first place, but that's neither here nor there), and then smugly tell the boy that everything will work out in the end if we all do our part.
Shirking your duties onto someone who is not qualified to perform them and then letting them take the blame when they fail is not only the mark of a good leader, but also an appropriate way to treat someone who is essentially your brother/son.
Don't think of the obvious or simple solution to your problem, such as using a spell to create a sound-proof environment for sleeping (like the one cooked up next week to have a private chat). An absurdly effective and cost-free answer to a problem pales in comparison to just forcing one of the hired help to run around like a beheaded chicken for about 8 hours straight.
Don't plan ahead of time to create a work schedule that allows for proper breaks and shift-changes to avoid exhaustion and guarantee your task can be completed properly and effectively (even when it's been well established that working this hard is a very bad move and planning and scheduling are defining traits of yours). It's better to push yourself to the brink of collapse, and then expect the same of others whether they want to or not.
The person in charge of you, who did little at most, will be given all the credit for all the hard work you did to accomplish a task. If you're lucky, you might be off-handedly mentioned as "one of the friends" while the boss praises the one who was in charge of you.
Even though a person is violent, aggressive, selfish, and destructive, and even though there is honestly nothing positive, either physical or emotional, that they are offering you, you should still bend over backwards to earn their friendship. Because, um, friendship is magic.
You should let friends travel alone into areas where nobody has ever returned alive. They'll be totally fine.
If you're being repeatedly abused by someone, it's your fault for not being perfect, not their fault for being an abusive prick. Remember ladies, he only hits you because you make him.
If there is someone who is holding a threat of violence over you, bend over backwards for them and cater to their every whim.
Making friends is a challenge to be overcome, not something you should do out of loneliness or genuine empathy and feelings for others. Thus you should drag even dangerous people into your life to "befriend" them for no reason other than bumping up your friend count on Facebook. Once you've overcome this challenge, feel free to cast them aside and move on to the next potential prospect with barely a glance back. See also: Cranky Doodle Donkey, Moondancer...
People who are too busy studying to spend time with friends are always anti-social and hurt by bad experiences in the past. They are never too busy studying due to school, college, university, work, personal research, or having big plans for the future. Should you meet such a person, bug the hell out of them until they crumble, throw their studies out the window, and play kick-ball with you. Bonus points if you've never had to worry about such things because you've been backed by the government your whole life rather than having to worry about a career, and thus have no clue how difficult it can be to get a job.
A person who was so hurt by her friend who couldn't be bothered to attend her party would rather have a photograph that features a friend who couldn't be bothered to attend her party rather than the friend who gave her the photo and did attend.
You can leave your home unattended for what must have amounted to a couple of years without fear of it being broken into and robbed or ransacked for fun.
Having to stop the apocalypse is no good reason to not attend a party.
You must attend every single party or social event you are invited to, or else you'll ruin someone's life.
If the party host isn't the one to invite you to a party, but rather some mutual friends do, you should assume she'll be really hurt if you don't show up and go anyway, even if you have something to do that seems important.
If you were really only (let's be honest) acquaintances with a group of people, you should feel guilty for not being better friends with them, even if you have different and arguably equally valid views on what's important in life because friendship is the best, and also because you'll turn someone into a recluse despite the fact that all you did was study together in the same room.
There is no such thing as a person who doesn't want friends. If she claims she prefers solitude, it's really because she was hurt in the past. Never accept a voluntary loner; force them into forming/mending friendships they don't want, 'cause friendship is magic!! Never mind that people are different and should control their social life however they want.
It's perfectly fine to laugh at people who weigh twice as much as you.
Factory production is evil, and multi-producing one specific item is eeeeeevil because it lacks authencity and nobility that comes with making it by hand- err, hoof. Never mind it's more effective for the selling charts and keeping the boutique itself out of bankruptcy that way.
It doesn't matter what your customers want; what matters is what you want to make. Don't care about the fact that they were perfectly happy with what you were selling. The changes you make in doing as you like without regard for the customers' wishes won't hurt the sales, not at all.
If you make a promise or a deal you can't keep, someone will bail you out provided it was made with good intentions.
If it's your destiny to help others find their special interests and talents, you can forget all about your own interests and talents. Your budding potential in construction, potion making, racing, and singing? Nope, it's your job to help others now like Destiny's Roadie.
Every bully ever comes from a harsh upbringing and deserves your patience and understanding, and you are a terrible person for not giving either no matter how shabbily they've treated you in the past.
All bullies secretly want to be friends with you. Even the ones that have absolutely nothing in common with you and have only ever treated you as a means to an end at best and a free target at worst.
Has trying really, really hard to achieve your goals and dreams not been working out? Try doing the opposite and say you don't care. That'll do the trick!
It's perfectly fine to tell important secrets to someone who's notoriously bad at keeping them in. Even if they kept it in just barely you can completely trust them 100% in the future.
When your friend is obviously struggling with a serious issue and clearly acting out of the norm, don't offer her kindness, ask if you can help, offer to listen to her issues, or even give her some space. You have much more important things on the mind, like your own interests; the well being of a dear friend takes a backseat to that. Everything will work out in the end anyways.
Losing a single friend justifies ruining the lives of countless others as long as you learn your lesson for doing so.
Someone who is surrounded by people who would have been willing to be their friend if only their utterly despicable nature didn't make them an abusive controlling monster who saw everyone as objects and pawns are deserving of sympathy for their friendless nature.
Take time to learn about someone who is opposed to you so you can understand their motives: maybe there is more to them than merely "just being evil" and, with some kindness and understanding, can be swayed to a better path. That is, if they're the same race as you, related to a friend of yours, or of some use to you. The rest can enjoy their exile, high-speed crash landing, or straight up death.
Getting given exactly what you want counts as atoning for all the terrible things you've done in life. Princess Twilight says so!
The scene where Starlight Glimmer convinces the bullies to leave Fluttershy alone: If you're being bullied, don't do anything to stop it! If you do, your suffering will no longer be there to inspire your friend to save you and improve your own life, hers, and several other peoples' in the process.
Adults shouldn't get involved when a child is being bullied, they need to handle it themselves (also supported by "One Bad Apple").
Capitalism and technological advancement are the single most evil things in the world. Even more evil than the ruthless dictator who presses innocent civilians into a blood-soaked war with mind-controlling helmets and the giant who sucks the life out of everyone and uses their life energy to blow everything up for kicks. Embrace stagnation and ignorance for it is the one true path.
Making friends and being successful has nothing to do with being kind, decent, humble, or even interesting. In fact you can be an absolutely atrocious monster. Why? Because it's all about power. It trumps everything. Just show someone you're too powerful to ignore and BAM, you'll get hordes of friends. It doesn't matter how evil your deeds were. Just ask Discord, Sunset Shimmer, and now Starlight Glimmer about all the friends they have, or look at Trixie all alone in the corner and ask how her friendless life and likely still-destroyed career is doing.
Even if you're a selfish and heinous monster, redemption is the responsibility of others, not you. You can expect to be forgiven in an instant even by people who were directly and indirectly harmed for years by your self-serving actions and even those you went out of your way to directly target. All you have to do is stop being a dick, say "we're cool", and look extra cute in your freeze-frame jump.
Take what people say completely at face value. Even when someone whose characterization is defined by manipulation, lying, and self-justification with an extra dose of The End Justifies The Means (in other words, a sociopath), you can believe them when they say "Okay I'm sorry I'm a good guy now."
It's okay for government officials to cheat the legal system and let criminals go scot-free. That's totally not a gross misuse of power and authority or anything like that, because a fair and unbias trial doesn't mean jack when someone with the means to tear up a criminal record takes a biased interest in someone.
Ponies are by default pure and good and only ever act evil when driven that way by external factors, thus they deserve to be immediately forgiven when these unfair external factors are addressed. Everything else is by default evil and monstrous, unless befriended by ponies, taught how to act by ponies or raised by ponies (and even then they can expect to be treated as a second-class citizen), and had better keep their asses on the straight and narrow if they want to stay friends with the Pony Master Race. Thus it's perfectly justified to make sweeping judgments of others based purely on their race.
When you lose something, lash out at as many people as possible until it's given back to you to make you stop.
Having no friends growing up is the worst excuse for having a shitty attitude. It's not like you'll suffer serious issues like: poor social skills, low self-esteem, and feelings of inadequacy. You're a petty and insane person for holding a grudge against the fact that you didn't have any friends growing up.
Babies will ruin your life, and could potentially bring down civilization.
You won't be happy until you renew your friendship with that kid who abandoned you back in kindergarten.
Trust the perfect stranger, who has openly admitted his inability and lack of confidence in himself, with performing a potentially dangerous magical-equivalent of an appendectomy on your newborn child, on the recommendation of the recently reformed dangerous criminal. This is parenting at it's finest, not criminal neglect.
Name your children after what are or what will become horrifying historic events! It'll make for a great conversation piece when the child gets older, most certainly won't reopen old wounds, and Princess Flurry Heart will look so cute playing with Prince Spanish Inquisition Soul and Duchess Black Plague Belle.
When trying to accomplish something, you should trust the advice of the overly pushy and nosy stranger who (along with her two friends) had more difficulty accomplishing the same thing than anyone else in their age group to the point that it was practically a disability.
When you accept someone's apology for having done wrong, don't actually mean it until they prove themselves to you.
Your friends and family are only allowed to be friends with people you approve of. Otherwise do what you can to spoil the friendship and keep your friend all to yourself, regardless of how many feelings you hurt in the process. The same goes for people your friends and family love and wish to marry.
When you decide to trust someone who is potentially an untrustworthy and dangerous person, everyone has to stick by it whether they like it or not and accept them as a friend. When one of your friends decides to trust someone who is potentially an untrustworthy and dangerous person, oppose it with all your might. It's all about you and your feelings, after all; nobody elses matter.
Having a bad go? People who allegedly made peace with you have decided you're still a bad guy? Getting glares from everyone? Your friendship has taken a rocky turn? Don't tough it out and try to make things right; attempt suicide! That'll fix everything! If you fail you'll garner pity and everyone will love you again, and if you succeed that'll teach them all!!! It's win/win!
Hold grudges unless you have a pragmatic reason to do otherwise. If someone has nothing to offer you there's no reason to actually forgive them. It's not like they're a person with feelings and emotions just like you, or anything like that.
Getting mad at someone who has already bent over backwards to accomodate you (this includes literally letting you get away with murder and mayhem) because they haven't bent over backwards quite enough for you to trust your new friend makes you the voice of reason, not a self-centered entitled jackass.
Meta Aesop: When all else fails, just do Yet Another Christmas Carol. It's the exact same story we've seen like a hundred times (enough to land on the Stock Parodies page), so nobody will mind if you milk that giant goat one more time. Even in May.
The world would literally end if people stopped celebrating Christmas. In other words...
Hasbro: BUY OUR TOYS!
A nickname that calls out someone's accident is charming, a sign of camaraderie, and should be embraced. A comment that calls out someone's blatant intentional hypocrisy is rude and should be stifled.
Onceagain we learn the only true reason to make friends, love one another, and show empathy to your brethren is literally to give you the power to destroy or repel your enemies. Friendship is literally magic, after all. Why else should you be interested in it?
People who don't celebrate holidays have petty reasons to refrain from it, like focusing on making the world a better place through hard work...y'know, stuff like that is unimportant.
If you celebrate holidays that promotes kindness, generosity, solidarity etc. all the good things, you should ostracize people who don't want to celebrate them.
People who don't celebrate holidays are evil party poopers trying to ruin all the fun.
Critics are jerks and totally at fault, not the dumbasses who take their critiques as gospel truth instead of forming their own opinions.
Taking business advice from two random strangers with little to no business sensenote Rarity being "little" and Pinkie Pie being "no" and absolutely zero experience or knowledge of the food industry or running a restaurant who got involved because a magic coffee table told them to will end in success.
When your opinion is different than that of another, you are 100% right because you are you and they are 100% wrong because they're kind of a jerk. Don't stop to consider that this might not be your area of expertise, that your antagonist, being a professional in their industry, may have at least some valid points, or that you might be better off trying to find a compromise. You've got a point to prove so stand your ground and rigidly stick to your guns because there's no way you're letting your ire with someone who's a dick drive you to win the argument for the sake of teaching them a lesson.
The only way to enjoy a story is if it's actually true.
Once again we learn the only crimes worth the attention of the law are huge potentially world-ending ones like Discord being a dick or Tirek busting out of the joint. Those criminals who only kidnap individuals, enslave portions of your kingdom, and go God only knows what else off-camera? Nah, they're fine. A random citizen has at least some of it covered.
The fame and money you make by selling your books and convincing everyone it's fictional is worth not bringing these genuinely dangerous and even murderous criminals and monsters to the attention of Princess Celestia, and even the people who learn the truth will continue to hail you as a hero instead of the selfish bastard you actually are.
Continuing the lesson from the last Daring Do episode, we learn that if you stalk a celebrity they'll eventually befriend you and you'll get to go on adventures with them. It will also make you more of a true fan of theirs than someone who just enjoys their work but has never met them.
Convince your heavily competitive friend to stop doing something by first challenging them to do it better, then besting them at it. This works every time.
The best way to teach your physically fit quick to fight combative friend a lesson on pranking is to put her in a scenario where she is not only fearing for her life but also feels cornered. It's not like she could respond to said threat with violence, as has been her behavior time and again in the past, and injure someone, leaving not only her with the guilt of having harmed one of her dearest friends but also leaving said friend wounded. Bonus points if you put children and even babies at risk of this harm.
Giving someone a free cake is a meanspirited prank, not a harmless one that is actually quite generous and nice because it involves giving them a free cake.
When a friend confides in you with a secret, immediately sell him or her out if fun can be had. This won't damage the trust or faith they have in you at all if it's for a good reason.
When someone or something is chasing you because you have in your possession something that is unimportant and doesn't even belong to you, take it with you effectively making yourself their target rather than leaving it behind so you won't be pursued.
Don't even think about trying to be funny. You'll just end up hurting someone's feelings.
Someone has a justified hatred towards a race? Just sing a quick little song and they'll instantly forget their racist tendency.
Befriending someone is as easy as roboticaly declaring "I AM YOUR FRIEND NOW BZZZT-CLICK ENGAGE FRIENDSHIPPING".
Andyetagain we learn literally the only thing that determines if someone is worthy of redemption is if they've never had a friend but want one. Absolutely nothing else matters, from their personality to past deeds done.
Immediately trust the person you have every reason in the world not to trust just because a friend vouched for them, up to the point you let them come within touching distance of a defenseless child. There's no way something defined by it's deceptive nature could be lying, or your friend could have made a lapse in judgement, or anything like that.
When the first thing you do with your brand new friend is completely and utterly betray him when he needs you most, you can still count on him when you need him if you give a feeble apology and a reminder that the two of you "are friends".
Drag your new friend along to an area where everyone hates him. What could possibly go wrong?