"Mr. Madison, what you've just said... Is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
In the hands of a capable director, Wall Bangers
are easy to avoid. These films didn't get so lucky.
Examples of Executive Meddling and Fan Dumb are not Wall Bangers. They should be posted on their own pages.
Examples will be highly subjective. Read at your own risk, and if somebody rants about a show you like, please refrain from making Justifying Edits. If they're wrong, just delete it.
open/close all folders
Both 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later
28 Weeks Later
is one long Wall Banger
mixed in with Shoot the Shaggy Dog
. Two major points merit special mention:
- When the protagonists' mother is found, she is found to have the virus. However, she is a partially immune carrier. So the medical staff and the army put her in a room, by herself, no armed guards or anything, where anyone can just walk in and contract the virus. That's right, the most lethal virus in the history of mankind with a kill rate of virtually 100% and an incubation period of seconds had ABSOLUTELY NO ONE guarding a carrier to make sure that it didn't escape into the general population.
- Because of the failure to quarantine, the virus gets loose. The army executes a procedure called "Code Red" to combat it. If you're thinking that Code Red is "confining everyone to quarters and shooting anyone on the street or in the halls because anyone who doesn't listen to the curfew must be infected," you're using too much of your brain (more than whoever wrote this movie). No, Code Red consists of herding all the healthy civilians, somewhere around 15,000 of them, into enclosed areas, using weak locks to seal the doors, turning off the lights, leaving them unguarded and defenseless, and then having snipers search the streets for the 4 or 5 infected that are running loose. When one of the infected breaks into one of these dark unguarded enclosed areas, it quickly turns one infected person into 500 infected people. Snipers then try to pick out the infected from the healthy as the crowds burst onto the street. This quickly proves to be ineffective. Then they get the order to kill everyone, including people who are actively hiding, surrendering, attempting to evade gunfire, driving cars — things which it is established that the zombies NEVER DO. Eventually they firebomb and gas the entire population, complete with shots of fake remorse from the higher ups in the operation, as though this was something they didn't want to do, but were forced to by circumstance.
- The way they kept the woman was only supposed to be extremely temporary; you could see them talk about it clearly for the first time as the guy broke in. Also bear in mind that it was behind unbreakable glass and only accessible to people with very high-level security clearance (which he had as it was necessary for his job). Not really sure what's meant by the "code red" thing, there was absolutely no time to quarantine people properly, they just did what they could.
- Temporary or not, you're kind of missing the point here: the woman had a virus that had wiped out an entire country in just under a month. If you had a vial of something that, if even accidentally opened, could wipe out your entire state or country, in days, would you risk leaving it alone and unguarded for even a second? The statement that there was absolutely no security was incorrect, but given the threat level, the fact that only a keycard and a handful of guards down the hall who didn't even pay attention to anything passing them was the only thing keeping literally the most dangerous thing in the world from escaping into the population was idiotic. So far as Code Red: that was the plan that they had set up in advance. The plan was to put everyone in containment, and try to find any infected. If more people got infected, they bomb the entire city. That wasn't some spur of the moment response they came up with that was THE plan, and it was mentioned several times throughout the film. As stated above, the way they did it was stupid, because with all of those people in an enclosed area, as soon as one infected person breaks in, they've just made 500 more infected people. If they had told everyone to go to their rooms, lock their doors, and don't come out until further notice., there's no guarantee that more people wouldn't have been infected, however if one infected person breaks into a studio apartment filled with 3 people, by definition they can't make 500 infected people in a matter of seconds like they did the way they wound up doing it. They could easily track the infected in the streets, lock down any rooms and floors that were necessary, and pick off the infected at their leisure. Idiot Plot explains this better, as really, a whole lot of stupid stuff was done in this movie, and the above statement that this movie was Wall Banger mixed with Shoot the Shaggy Dog forgot to add in Idiot Plot and Idiot Ball.
- They had the woman chained to a bed in a secure cell, which you could only get into with maximum security clearance. As soon as they realized she was infected, the soldiers immediately ran over there to execute her. They had about a 30 second window to do it, and there was apparently no reason to hurry. This still doesn't excuse the rest through.
- If the soldiers had been ordered to "shoot suspicious targets", they would have had a bit more freedom to rock 'n' roll, but no obligation to slaughter everyone. They could have possibly saved most of the population.
- 28 Days Later, for that matter. After narrowly escaping execution at the hands of the soldiers, Jim returns to the house for revenge, and to rescue Hannah and Selena from being raped. So why, why, WHY is Jim's first decision upon getting back to the house to shoot the infected Private Mailer's chain, which kept him from entering the house and killing everybody? Didn't Jim remember that the only way for Mailer to get out of the courtyard is through the doorway which leads into the kitchen area of the house? It seems that Jim thought Mailer could help him kill off the soldiers which were holding the women hostage, but did he EVEN CONSIDER that with an infected, rage-filled person running around the house that Mailer could chew off Selena and Hannah's faces before ever killing one soldier? And if Mailer did infect a couple of soldiers, might they not then try to infect the women?
- Jim was just a guy going up against a house filled with trained soldiers. Freeing the infected was by no means a guarantee at success, but it leveled the playing field and raised his odds at complete success from utterly impossible to pretty hopeless.
- Mailer provided a distraction for Jim. While the rest of the soldiers were dealing with Mailer, Jim would attempt to rescue the women. It's a desperate ploy, but it's all he's got at this point.
- While it can be handwaved under Rule of Cool and Rule of Scary, many aspects of the biological functions of the titular aliens can cause one to bash their cranium against the nearest vertical surface. Among them is how the aliens are able to assimilate the DNA of other species. Genes don't work that way.
- Likewise, what happens when the aliens wipe out most (if not all) other living things in the area? Do they just die (If they're bioweapons, this would make sense but also raises more questions)? If not, how would they survive otherwise? Aliens shows them having wiped out (nearly) all the other humans on a colony planet, yet they haven't seemed to resort to cannibalism for survival. Considering their insectoid behavior, this is rather jarring (To elaborate, try to imagine what would happen if you were to isolate a colony of ants in an area with an extremely limited food supply and what would happen if that food were to run out).
- A special feature on the Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem DVD tries (key word being "tries") to explain some of the more biologically unsound aspects of the titular monsters. But, these end up raising even more problems, including:
- The special explains that the Xenomorphs are not burned by their own acidic blood due to their bodies producing a fluoride-like substance and their structure being similar to that of glass and/or teflon. Because, you know, simply saying their insides are lined with mucus (like our stomachs to prevent stomach acid from dissolving it), makes so little sense. Plus, how would a creature essentially made of glass (which tends to be brittle) survive?
- Some Alien tie-in fiction has put forth a theory that the acid is not actually blood, but a separate liquid which is only located in the xenomorph body between layers of skin.
- Which would be a fantastic explanation if Alien Resurrection hadn't given clone Ripley red blood that could burn through metal.
- It's explained that the aliens being able to "assimilate" the DNA of other species is no different to how parasitic organisms can adapt to different hosts when necessary and that viruses can assimilate the DNA of their hosts. First, adapting to a different host would take several generations to occur (Even via parasites of multi-species hosts). Second, there's a huge difference between a virus (which technically isn't even alive) and a complex organism.
- One part of the special states that the Xenomorphs have both an exoskeleton and an endoskeleton. Ok, weird, but not too farfetched. But, then it's stated that the upper part of the body is an exoskeleton and the lower part of the body is an endoskeleton. Not only is this biologically improbable, it's also false since the film Predator 2 has that (in)famous scene that clearly shows an alien skull.
- Another head-on-hard-surface inducing moment from the aforementioned special is that the filmmakers involved kept saying that the titular Aliens were rather stupid and had the IQ compared to that of a dog. Not only are many breeds of dog rather smart in real life, but one of the aspects of the Xenomorphs is that they are surprisingly clever (It would be better to compare their intelligence to that of a monkey or some of the more intelligent species of bird rather than a dog).
- In what is still considered the most controversial plot twist in the Alien series, the chain of events that started Alien 3. An egg containing a facehugger was somehow laid by the Alien Queen during the events of the previous film. This raises a number of questions about xeno(morph)biology and series continuity:
- How does an egg get laid upside down?
- Why did the egg open by itself when eggs were clearly shown to react only to outside movement in the first two films?
- How did the facehugger know how to get all the way from the cargo bay to the cryopods?
- How can a creature that is bleeding just a little acidic blood cause a big enough fire to evacuate the entire ship?
- Didn't the queen detach from her egg sac, which was mostly destroyed by Ripley, before going to the ship? How did she lay it?
- Most important: How did Ripley miss the egg in the first place?
- Even worse, official sources have tried to clarify this scene over the years, with wildly varying explanations that cause even more problems. The Alien Anthology's Blu-Ray menu for this movie has a schematic that shows the egg is located in the dropship landing strut (even though the location where it hatches looks nothing like a landing strut, and has the ship name emblazoned above what looks to be a girder). Aliens: Colonial Marines puts the location of the egg as being in the cryopod chamber (despite the fact, again, that the location in the film looks nothing like where it is in the game - stuck up near the corner of a wall).
- The Queen gives birth to another human-alien hybrid who thinks Ripley's its mother.
- To further elaborate, the Queen develops an artificial uterus/womb of sorts due to having Ripley's DNA within her. Weird, but OK. Then, she gives birth to a human-sized alien-human hybrid (Known as the "Newborn" by the fandom). A bit unbelievable, but still fine. But, then, for no reason whatsoever, it pretty much punches the face off of the Queen and imprints Ripley as its mother. How...just...How? It doesn't make any biological or practical sense. Yes, some species do imprint on something other than their own species as their parents because that's the first thing they saw. The first thing the Newborn saw, however, was the QUEEN. Notice a problem?
- The conclusion. The bullet proof, everything proof, alien is sucked through a one inch hole into space! Air pressure at sea level on earth is a little under fifteen pounds per square inch. In a space ship it would be less since nitrogen is dispensed with (only the oxygen is important), so that hole would have the suction force of a good vacuum cleaner. Even better, since we already seen that Aliens are resistant to Explosive Decompression. But Hybrid is somehow blown into space...
- The space station. Conducting bio-warfare experiments on a deep space platform makes perfect sense. It is isolated and there is no danger of anything escaping. Having that station programmed to return to Earth if there has been a malfunction does not, since that brings the biological weapons right where they're not wanted.
- In an age where you still need to go to cryosleep to get to mining jobs, this black-ops military experiment ship is just a few hours away from Earth!
- Another head-on-wall inducing problem with the Newborn is the same problem with the Cloverfield monster mentioned below. The monster is a baby. Ok, first, since when are Chestbursters (which is what the Newborn essentially is) that big? Second, why is it a fully developed adult humanoid thing instead of a fetus monster? Third, how big would the adult be? Yes, the original script did mention a horrifying mutated monster, but that's the thing. The original concept was a horrifying mutation of the Alien species, not some weird schizophrenic human/alien hybrid.
- Likewise, a deleted scene in Alien shows that the Chestbursters eat a lot of food due to their high metabolism so they can develop quickly into adults. The Newborn is about the size of an adult human being. It's metabolism would've been improbably (if not impossibly) high for it to be able to not only grow into an adult, but for it to function at all. In other words, the Newborn should've starved to death only a few hours (if not shorter) after it was born.
- Janek walking off to have sex with Vickers, and leaving the comm station unmanned while Fifield and Milburn are still stranded and wandering around an alien structure full of biological agents (which had already been established as killing the beings that originally inhabited the ship). Sure, no man would pass up the opportunity to sleep with Charlize Theron, but did he really have to walk out without letting Pavel or Chance take watch? And, better yet, leave Milburn and Fifield to wander around instead of just directing them to the exit and telling them to stay right there?
- When Milburn and Fifield are camping out in the urn room, a creature that looks like a chestburster emerges from the black liquid and rises up in front of them. Both men are understandably freaked out, but Milburn decides it would be a great idea to start petting it, instead of running the other way and not looking back. This leads to the creature breaking Milburn's arm and eventually killing him, while Fifield falls into a pool of the liquid and has his helmet melt into his face. This is after both of them proved to be Genre Savvy by bugging out at the first sign of trouble.
- The autodoc only being programmed for use by male patients. The notion of it being calibrated that way is foreshadowing of Weyland's presence onboard the ship, but male and female patients aren't that different biologically, and there was no real reason why it was programmed like that except to hint at a plot twist.
- When your abdominal muscles have just been horizontally severed and superficially rejoined with staples shot in though the skin, you're not going even to be able to SIT UP for a long, LONG time, let alone go all Action Girl for the remainder of the third reel.
- Vickers and Shaw running in a straight line away from the falling Engineer ship instead of off to the side. Shaw only realizes she can do this because she falls down and decides to start rolling sideways - Vickers has no excuse. Plus, this scene takes place after Vickers narrowly escapes the destruction of the Prometheus and lands on the planet.
- The main character, being a sort of diplomat between the humans and the Na'vi who then joins the Na'vi for real, is told by his human bosses that if he can't get the Na'vi to move in three months, the army's going to have to use force. So, just to be clear - it would be in the best interests of both his Na'vi friends and his human bosses to try and strike a deal with the Na'vi people, or at the very least, warn them. Instead, for no reason, he just spends the entire time hanging out with the other Na'vi, enjoying the lush planet and his new athletic body, without ever telling anyone they have to move or die. Then, when the three month deadline is up, he pleads for the humans to hold off the attack. They tell him he has one night to try and evacuate the Na'vi before they come in using force. So, you'd think he'd tell the Na'vi now, right? Wrong. He spends the night fucking the leader's daughter under a sacred tree, never mentioning what's going to happen the following day. Then he gets all angry when it actually does. Nor does he ever apologize to the Na'vi for not only being an agent of their enemies but giving them about an hour's warning when he could have given them three months'.
- The hero says of Earth "there's nothing green there anymore". He seems to have forgotten that he fought in Venezuela, which was described earlier as "some mean bush."
- That could just be a figure of speech. They tend to die out fairly slowly even if the circumstances that spawned them are no longer pertinent.
- Except that Quaritch himself mentions having been involved in jungle combat back on earth, which apparently is still wild and dangerous enough that he felt prepared for Pandora, which turned out to be more vicious.
- Grace's guide about Pandora, which Jake shows in one scene and which he already had back on Earth is clearly a huge chunk of good old paper and is treated as disposable as modern books of this kind. Clearly implying paper to still be in use and apparently in large enough supply to be disposable. Likewise the coffin Jake's brother is cremated in is made from cardboard again showing paper to be still widespread enough to be used cheaply.
- Speaking of Grace's guide, it is in fact an actual book you can own and read through, but it contains a massive wallbanger of its own. The book present a well researched explanation for why transplanting Pandora's native flora and fauna to Earth, citing invasive species and the usual historical examples. Then the book sudden swerves and says the whole thing is crap and you should do it anyway. There are many, many, many problems with that, chiefly among them is the fact that you're transplanting species from an environment completely unsuited and downright hostile to humans. Even the Navi have several feet on your average human. Due to the lack of predators and competition suitably evolved for them, the Pandora plants would quickly spiral out of control and destroy what remains of Earth's biosphere. Of course none of that would matter since it would be impossible to grow the Pandora fauna on Earth considering the massively different conditions between the two. Imagine trying to grow a flower that's native to California in Siberia. The differing color and amounts of sunlight, mix of gasses in the atmosphere, and lack of potential pollinators all mean you'd be better off genetically engineering Earth plants.
Batman And Robin
Batman & Robin
caused such a huge backlash because of its campiness
and disrespect for its source material that people exaggerate its lack of quality. But there are points:
- Bane was shoehorned in as a third villain. Rather than being the intelligent criminal who crippled and almost killed Batman in the comics, he was a mindless thug who didn't even know how to talk and serves no purpose besides being a muscle-bound henchman.
- There were characters surfing through the air on rocket ship doors.
- Every single line spoken by Mr. Freeze, complete with Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent.
- They explain Schwarzenegger's build as Mr. Freeze having been an Olympic Decathlete. Decathletes aren't bodybuilders. They're lean and muscular, not bulky.
- The Bat-Nipple Suits made out of ridiculously skintight rubber.
- The Bat-Credit Card which lets Batman have unlimited money and no expiration date. Not to mention how it would give away his identity.
- Alfred protected his encrypted CD (containing the secrets of Batman) with a three letter password that is both a proper noun and the nickname of his sister, AND that is written on a picture of Peg sitting next to Alfred's computer. Granted, Alfred (somehow) foresaw the possibility of Barbara hacking the CD to the point that he loaded his own memory engrams into the Bat Computer to interact with Barbara and prepared her a Batgirl costume; but he was taking a big risk nonetheless. If some computer-savvy villain had gotten to that CD first...
- How Alfred managed to build two Batgirl outfits (a black one to fight Ivy and a silver one to fight Mr Freeze) in the span of a couple of days whilst dying. It's not as if he could just sit down comfortably in front of the sewing machine; these are form-fitting armoured suits with integrated gadgets and an elaborate paint job. It is giving the film far too much credit to try and suggest that he outsourced the work to someone.
- There's also the decision to make Barbara Alfred's niece fresh off the plane from England (as opposed to Jim Gordon's niece or daughter). The problem? Alicia Silverstone didn't use any kind of British accent. No explanation is given. If her character was in Gotham City long enough to pick up an American accent — which wouldn't match her story — then the great detective would have known something was awry.
- Barbara flies from Britain to the United States whist still wearing her school uniform which is something literally nobody would do. Even if she went straight from school to the plane it would have taken her all of a minute to find a toilet somewhere to change clothes. Better yet; how about deciding to book your flight in such a way that leaves you more time to prepare?
- When Robin goes to infiltrate Poison Ivy's lair, he puts rubber lips on and allows himself to be seduced by Ivy. He then takes his rubber lips ''off'', and proudly shoves it in Ivy's face that he tricked her. Then, after said trickery, Ivy pushes Robin into her vine filled pool when she could have kissed him right after he removed the rubber lips and taunted her.
- Ivy gets the shaft again. When fighting Batgirl, she pulls out a knife. She then looks at her reflection in the knife and fixes her hair, which gives Barbara an opportunity to kick her into Ivy's throne, which has then become a man-eating Venus flytrap. What?
- Freeze and Ivy plan to freeze Gotham and repopulate it with mutant plants. Except plants are even less capable of surviving in cold than humans.
- In fact, the film's only redeeming feature is that it kept Mr. Freeze's tragic origin.
Bratz: the Movie
Since its entire purpose was to sell dolls
, the screenwriters who worked on Bratz were more concerned with making an hour and a half long commercial than an engrossing and thought-provoking coming-of-age story
. As a result, the plot could provoke a concussion and a head-shaped hole in a wall. Some of the more interesting bits:
- Why are high school students allowed to play around with chemicals powerful enough to create small fireworks displays without the supervision of a teacher?
- Why does Yasmin have an entire mariachi band living in her house?
- Why does the head cheerleader feel the need to wear a tiara?
- If Cloe's family is poor, then where does she get the money for all her clothes and the brand new moped that she rides to school? She doesn't have a job.
- If Dylan is deaf, then why does he use sign language in only two scenes? More to the point, how can he speak without an accent?
- Why didn't Yasmin just tell her friends that Meredith was blackmailing her instead of giving them the cold shoulder?
- Why does the entire student body bother with listening to Meredith? Would you listen to some girl, even the principal's daughter, tell you on your first day of school who you can talk to and where you have to sit during lunch?
- Sadly, many people would if she were perceived as high-up on the social totem pole. See Mean Girls.
- Mean Girls was not a documentary; check the disclaimer at the end of the credits. The wallbanger isn't that some people let her push them around, it's that they all do.
- If Yasmin's family is supposed to be Mexican, then why is their Spanish broken?
- The Core has a scene in Rome where lightning chases people down the middle of a city street.
- The premise. If the Earth's magnetic field fails — and it has many times in Earth's history and will do it again in the near future when it changes polarity — then the atmosphere would ionise through solar winds grating on it and create a new magnetic field, which would protect the Earth from further solar winds and similar things. That whole mission was unnecessary.
- A thorough listing of its scientific grievances makes this reviewer proclaim that the film's So Bad, It's Good.
- The writers thinking that a mass email would be taken seriously.
- Considering people forward chain emails to this day, and that various news outlets the world over thought Jeff Goldblum died after falling off of a cliff in New Zealand — word of which originally came from Twitter — that idea isn't unrealistic.
- At one point, a protagonist asks why drilling down through the earth's crust would be any more difficult than space travel; a scientist replies, "Because space is empty." Er, no. No, it isn't.
- The destruction of the Colosseum by lightning. It's made of marble and concrete, neither of which conduct electricity.
- The lightning never produces thunder, only static.
- The lighting uses a computer to redirect the entire U.S. power supply to Coney Island.
- Some of the character deaths — most notably, Serge's death was pointless and could have been avoided.
Dawn of the Dead remake
- The survivors want to leave their safe, fully-stocked mall - which would have canned food, supplies, medical kits, radios, everything they could possibly need - to go to an island in Lake Michigan. They do not know if Steve's boat is still in the marina, if the island exists, if the island is uninfected, if they could even survive on the island, or if they're capable of driving across the city through thousands of zombies. They try anyway. Why? According to the nurse, "I don't wanna die here." Yes, they're leaving a perfect place to survive because the zombies freak them out. The island does exist, but this plan was shown to be flawed...
- They all nearly die on the boat because they run out of water and gas. They have hardly any idea how to use a boat. If they had stayed in the mall, then they all could have survived a lot longer. Nice one, morons.
- The mall was compromised by some bad decisions. To be fair, the survivors were acutely aware that they couldn't stay in the mall forever, hence their preparations for leaving. Rushing out to rescue one Too Dumb to Live survivor, perhaps. Trusting the Jerkass to keep watch on a critical door that kept the mall secure...
- It stated in the commentary and effects featurette that the zombies were demonstrably falling apart. The longer the people remained in the mall, the more the zombies began to collapse on themselves. Before the attempt to reach Andy's gun shop, there hadn't been any security breaches in the mall proper; the only zombies they had to mop up were stragglers in the mall at the start of the incident. Why breach this security because you're disturbed by something that's over? The mall seemed to be well-stocked with food and supplies; why leave this when clearly you're leaving whatever necessities you need and already have in hopes that you'll find somewhere without zombies, without any proof? If the zombies are falling apart, then that is foolhardy; you could just wait till they fall apart completely and then strike out looking for somewhere else.
- The scene with the blonde chick, Nicole, and the dog, "Chips". The dog gets out of the mall and proceeds to wander around in the crowd of zombies, who take no notice of it because, apparently, these zombies only attack living humans, as opposed to all living creatures. Chips is not in danger. But Nicole, Chips's adopted owner, steals the getaway truck, crashes it into the gunshop opposite, and has to be rescued by the awesome chess-playing gunshop-owner — who is zombified as a result. Nice going, moron.
- They released the dog because they strapped foodpacks onto the dog in order to feed the starving gunshop-owner, Andy. Nicole flips out because the zombies enter the gunshop the same way the dog does.
- She goes alone, with no plan and no weapon.
- Andy is stuck in his weapon store, which is undoubtedly chock-full of weapons and ammunition. We've seen that he's a skilled marksman. Using his skills and supplies, he should be able to if not get rid of all the zombies in the city, then at least considerably trim down their numbers. Why didn't they try to do that, instead of a game of chess and Kill Waldo?
- This is addressed in a bonus feature on the DVD. Andy mentions attempting to kill all the zombies that gathered but "for every one that died, two more showed up, like that hobbit dragon thing.
- You'd think that the military would have enough guns to deal with stuff like this, they should have at least hundreds of well armed soldiers armed with assault rifles, backed up with machine guns, tanks, helicopters etc. They should be able to handle a horde of thousands of unarmed walking corpses with nothing but the shirts their wearing. Instead they are driven out by a horde of said unarmed zombies.
The Day After Tomorrow
- The Day After Tomorrow contains several moments. It never occurs to the survivors in the library that "maybe that tanker floating outside has supplies we can use" until after one of them gets sick! Also, captive-raised wolves crave human flesh...but only freshly killed human meat. Real Life wolves are smart enough to realize that "Frozen corpses all around" translates to "All You Can Eat Buffet!" And then there's running away from cold. They outran a wave of extreme cold and threw more books on the fireplace so that it wouldn't instantly freeze them to death.
- Burning books for warmth when they are surrounded by wooden tables, wooden chairs, wooden bookshelves, etc. Books are horrible fuel for a lasting fire; they burn well, but they burn out in a couple of minutes tops.
- They stacked the to-be-burned books directly in front of the fireplace, between themselves and the fire. That's just dumb — it blocks the heat flow, and if the fire leapt forward (as real ones occasionally try), it would've set the room on fire.
- We also have the kids looking for a working telephone (and finding it!) and almost completely submerging themselves in water that must be just above freezing with absolutely no ill effects. A continuity error has them all dry one scene later in the exact same clothes. They swam around in near-freezing water and then walked around in sopping wet clothing and yet did not freeze to death.
- Much of the science is questionable at best.
- The space station crewmember who at the end said "Wow, the air is so clean!" or something to that effect. Someone should have immediately dope slapped the dipshit, or better yet, tossed his ass out the nearest airlock.
- I think my first thought would be "How on earth do we get back there? HUSTON, WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Die Hard films
- Die Hard 2: Die Harder has too many errors regarding airplanes to list here. A random example: The inability of the planes to just go to their alternate landing field. Every commercial flight must have in its flight plan an alternate airport it can land at if needed. There was attempted justification with extremely poor weather conditions, but it still didn't work: Baltimore-Washington International is so close to Dulles Airport (where the film's set) that the controllers would certainly realize that something was amiss and take action.
- And Washington National, Leesburg Executive and Manassas Regional, and military airfields at Ft. Belvoir, Quantico Marine Corps Base, and Andrews Air Force Base. Finding a runway for an emergency diversion from Dulles is not difficult.
- An average jet can still glide up to 150 kilometres without working engines.
- Not too many to be listed at IMDB!
- Weren't these 'wallbangers' deliberate to avoid creating security holes in real world airports?
- Some of them no doubt were. The alternate airport problem, however, isn't.
- Die Hard 2 also has the ceramic Glock. No such firearm has ever existed, nor can it exist unless someone invents a springy ceramic small enough to fit into a pistol. This is absurd, and yet it led to real-life misconceptions among lawmakers afraid ceramic guns would flood airports.
- Technically, you can use an organic filler in concrete to form a pseudo-ceramic (and still metal-detector-proof) spring, but right now they are at least the size of a car's strut springs. Carbon fiber strips might be able to handle the torque stress... but no guarantees. Oh, and the film was made and set in the early 1990s.
- Even if you could, there are still the issues that the ammunition is metal, and a Glock's non-metallic polymer frame is still made of dense enough material to show up on an X-ray scanner.
- Live Free or Die Hard is one big wallbanger if you know anything about networks and security.
- Never mind that! One character is frantically hitting the numpad only to code!
- If you know ANYTHING about computers, then that movie is wallbangeriffic. They might as well have given the villain a wand and had him do magick because he wasn't a hacker — he was a fucking WIZARD! Call it 'Die Hard Meets Harry Potter'!
- Example of this villain's wizardry: This fella designed the secret computer to download all the financial info in America (itself a mind-boggling task) when the Internet goes down. How?! With what?
- That film inspired this Penny Arcade.
- This film would be the one where helicopters are being killed with cars and a fighter aircraft tries to engage a big rig with its forward weapons — and you're worried about inaccuracies with the IT aspects?
- Actually, the only thing CG in the scene where the helicopter gets taken down are it's rotor blades. They threw a real car at it. Same with the scene where John and Matt hide between two cars to avoid a flying one, THEY are digitally inserted into the scene. As for the jet thing...well it looked awesome, right?
Final Destination films
- In one scene of Final Destination 2, Clear explains that Alex Browning died by a falling brick. A falling brick. The guy narrowly avoided explosions, electricity, and an oncoming train, for goodness sakes!
- Nowhere is it explained how the main protagonist gets the vision(s) of death that kicks off each movie. Usually in fiction, when someone gets a vision of their death out of the blue, it's a sign that they're meant to Screw Destiny and prevent that death from happening (see Early Edition for a prime example). So why is the Grim Reaper being such a spaz over it? Yeah, there's the whole thing with Balancing Death's Books, but what's the point if some cosmic force is trying to unbalance them on purpose? Either Death has no idea that a higher being is trying to screw with his kills, or he is the source of the visions and is just being a dick about it.
- In all of the movies, it's established that if you were saved from death by the main protagonist's vision, then you will die unless you "cheat Death" - usually by injecting yourself with a suicide syringe and having your buddy restart your heart shortly afterward. Okay...but in one of the movies, one of the secondary characters tries to take his own life to avoid Death killing him off; he fails, supposedly because Death himself prevents it. What?! First, since Death could prevent someone's suicide, then he can actively interfere with someone's death if he so wishes; so why doesn't he step in and make the "suicide injection" of the protagonist at the end of the movie unrecoverable and truly suicidal? If he just got fooled in the first movie, it would be understandable; but it shouldn't work every single movie. Second, the gun-suicide guy was trying to take his life "out of order" in Death's book, which would be fine if the second movie didn't clearly state that Death had reversed the order of their deaths, which means that Death can change his reaping schedule at a moment's notice. Further proof that he's either messing with the survivors for a laugh or is the most inept Grim Reaper ever devised (even more than the ones from Irregular Webcomic!).
- The mortuary scene from the first movie. Setting aside the Wild Mass Guessing that the caretaker could have been Death personified, these kids could have been arrested on the spot for breaking and entering and on suspicion of desecrating the body.
- The fourth movie completely kills any logic the franchise had with how "Death's Plan" is supposed to work thanks to one character: Jonathan Grove. he survives the speedway accident, not by avoiding it altogether, but by surviving the incident itself. That's right; he survives being caught in the same accident that the other survivors avoided thanks to the premonition, doing absolutely nothing to try and save himself, not even changing seats. He stayed right where he was, got crushed by falling debris in the same manner he did in the premonition, and survives. In other words, he cheats death by surviving being in the accident that the other survivors avoided entirely. But, of course, since he's a survivor, Death has to kill him in a spectacular way. WHY?! Was Death taking a leak when this guy's time came or something? If he survived independently of the premonition, why have him be killed along with the other survivors, the ones who DID survive due to the premonition?!
- You guys missed it: he'd died in the vision because the other characters asked him to change seats. He's the cowboy whose hat was blocking the girls' view, and to be polite, he moved to the base of one of the support columns ... the very one that got smacked by a flying car and triggered the collapse. It's because they'd asked him to move that he got pile-drived into the column, as Death's plan intended. The second time around, he wasn't asked to move because the others were too busy reacting to the lead character's vision, hence he wasn't killed instantly, only injured by the collapse.
- If you want a real Wall Banger for the 4th movie, try timing how long the race cars keep smacking into one another on the track. Did the pit crews strip them down so thoroughly for speed that they even took out the brakes?
- No mention of 3's stupidity? In the premonition, Kevin's camera falls out of his pocket and wraps around the track. The train hits it, causing it to derail. But after the premonition, Kevin got off. With his camera. So what caused the derailment?
Godzilla, American remake
- Godzilla makes cars jump in the air with every step as it approaches, but burrows through the subway system unnoticed.
- The Army sets a trap with truckloads of fish. When Godzilla comes to eat it, they just gawk. Then their computers fail, so they open fire. Did they lose the script the day before shooting?
- They made a semi-realistic-looking monster, no worse than many in modern video games—racing along against a highly unrealistic-looking New York City skyline. If you won't do CGI right in a live-action movie, don't use it!
- The scientist guy buys a bunch of home pregnancy tests, tests Godzilla, and then finds out Godzilla is pregnant... and is SHOCKED! So SHOCKED because he thought it was male! Even leaving aside that there is no way a human pregnancy test would work on an egg-laying creature, if he didn't at least suspect it was female and maybe pregnant, why was he using the test on the samples? He then declares Godzilla is still male despite being pregnant.
- Determining gender in reptiles requires an expert examination, one which no scientist in his right mind is going to attempt on Godzilla. Still, the presence of eggs demands that Godzilla be female, even if one considers that gender isn't an issue for reproduction in Godzilla's species.
- Worse is that the effects team actually put a vagina on Zilla, one that you can see in a few scattered moments in the movie, meaning it being a female was pretty damn obvious to anyone bothering to check.
- Since when do reptiles have a vagina instead of a cloaca, anyway?
- Godzilla went to Big Applesauce in order to SPAWN! Are you kidding?! This runs completely counter to the spawning behavior of just about any real migratory organism. What's irritating is how geographically unrelated New York is to French Polynesia; there is no logical reason for the monster to choose that site as a breeding ground.
- The director repeatedly forgot that helicopters can go up as well as along.
- Godzilla shows up for only twenty minutes in its own movie.
- Ask ANY Physicist what would happen if an animal of Zilla's size were to run. Go ahead, ask. It would not be pretty — for the animal. To be specific, if Zilla were to trip and fall while running, his/its organs would pretty much explode upon impact (Imagine dropping a water balloon filled with red Kool-Aid to the ground to get a good idea of how it'd look) and kill the poor creature instantly. It's one of the main reasons why large animals like elephants, Sauropods, etc. (for the most part) rarely/never run.
- The makers of the remake were trying to make a more "realistic" Godzilla. Guys, when the Japanese version of Godzilla (with all its known scientific inaccuracy) has fewer examples of You Fail Biology and Physics Forever, than your version, you've got yourself an Epic Fail! Yes, they tried to make their version more realistic than its predecessor and ended up making it LESS realistic.
- The infamous "Napalm Breath" scene. Basically, Devlin and Emmerich decided to remove Godzilla's Thermonuclear Breath because they felt it wasn't realistic. However, there's a scene in the movie in which Zilla breathes/roars at several cars causing them to burst into flame. So, um, how did that happen? Seriously, it's never explained in the film what causes the cars to explode. Ok, Mr. Devlin and Mr. Emmerich, if you're going to remove Godzilla's trademark ability, then you also need to do either one of two things. Either-A.) Give us an explanation as to why Zilla's breath causes the cars to explode or B.) completely remove said scene.
- Furthermore, the "Napalm Breath" was added due to the fandom wanting Godzilla to have a breath attack. This would've been fine, if it hadn't of caused the wall-banger above and be one in-and-of itself. It's one thing to add/delete aspects of films (YMMV, of course) due to audience reactions (or the studios' request) to said aspects. But these are usually major changes that impact the film in some significant way. This on the other hand? No. Major. Impact. On. The. Plot.
- Zilla's diet consists mainly on fish. Zilla is a mutated marine iguana. Marine iguanas are herbivores. Guess what's wrong with this picture.
- Zilla is way too front heavy. In Real Life, it would constantly fall flat on its face.
- Don't even try to tell us the whole "Baby Zillas" concept doesn't rip off the raptors from Jurassic Park
- Zilla is killed by getting tangled in a suspension bridge and hit with missiles. So much for The Juggernaut we all knew it as.
- We're not entirely sure what's worse: the fact that the U.S. army can make the Stormtroopers look like expert sharpshooters by constantly missing a gigantic lizard right in front of them, or the fact that, because of that, they end up wrecking more of New York then Zilla, who was supposed to be the star of a franchise about a giant lizard known for destroying anything in its path.
King Kong (2005)
- King Kong makes off with Ann in the 2005 remake - in the dead of winter. She's wearing only a flimsy cocktail gown. And then Kong takes her to the top of the Empire State Building. It should have been more than cold enough to kill her all the way up there - especially after he puts her down.
- She should probably have been blown off the rooftop by the wind.
- The infamous "Ice Skating" scene. Just...why? Oh, right...Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
- How was Kong planning on mating with her? Romantic love is, in real life, unique to humans. What was Kong thinking? There is no way to fit his tab in her slot, there is no way she could carry his offspring... then again, judging by the scene where he shakes her like a paint can and she remains unharmed, she is Made of Iron.
- Real Life male gorillas don't have much of a sex drive, and Kong hasn't seen another of his own kind since his mother died when he was very young, so he probably didn't even know what sex is. No reason to assume he was motivated by libido, so much as simple loneliness.
- Anne doesn't spend the movie screaming in the remake when she's captured by Kong. Say what you want about women's rights and stereotypical gender-specific roles in movies, but she is too calm by half. Heck, she is assertive with Kong a few times when they're in the jungle together.
- Hell, anyone, regardless of gender, would scream and cry and soil themselves if grabbed by a giant primate. Anne, by not having normal human reactions to being captured by a giant gorilla, is obviously a sociopath.
- Maybe they didn't want hear to scream so much to avoid her becoming a Damsel Scrappy?
The Lord of the Rings
- The Two Towers:
- So apparently, kids that haven't hit puberty have a better chance at fighting a bunch of Uruks instead of the women of Rohan who and I quote: "learned a long time ago, those without swords can still die upon them." So the right thing to do is send a bunch of old men and kids with little battle experience up to the wall to die, while the women with the knowledge to fight, just sit on their asses in the caves. Right.
- It had been established by Eowyn's comments earlier that Rohan had definite gender roles in their society, and as such it wasn't the 'place' for a woman to do the fighting.
- This is Truth in Television. Strictly-defined gender divisions have, historically, resulted in plenty of able-bodied, capable women being forced to sit idly by while old men and little boys go die in battle.
- Also, why didn't they send the ones that were in the caves out of the mountain pass while the fight was going on? They could have been out of there by morning! Maybe on their way to somewhere safer?!
- In this case, they were counting on the walls to keep the enemy out. When the walls failed, they were fighting a running retreat to the hall where they got ready for their last stand. It's only then that they have the time to discuss a Plan B for the women and children.
- Minority Report: In a World where everything from subway trains to billboards routinely scans the eyes of passersby and automatically reports wanted criminals to proper authorities, one would assume that security in the police headquarters would be up to par. But after the Pre-Crime cop John Anderton has been declared a wanted criminal, nobody reprograms the retinal scanners in police headquarters to revoke his access credentials. This allows him to use his removed eyes (that he kept in a bag) to steal the titular MacGuffin, which puts the entire Pre-Crime program into jeopardy. Granted, that glaring lapse in security may have been a Evil Plan by the Big Bad to murder a nosy inspector without Pre-Crime detecting it. But after Anderton has been captured and incarcerated, his wife uses the same security hole again to bust her husband out of jail.
- This assumes that Anderton DID break out. Remember that the jailer told him as he was going under, "It's actually kind of a rush. They say you get visions; that your life flashes before your eyes. That all your dreams come true." Considering it's based on a story by Philip K. Dick, it's amazing more people don't think it's All Just a Dream.
- It's unlikely to have been a dream. Before he ever goes to prison, Anderton's mentor is revealed to be the mastermind behind everything without his knowledge. This subplot is resolved at the end of the film, meaning that Anderton would be dreaming of a conflict he did not know about. Aside from that, why would he make a "perfect dream" in which a close friend becomes his enemy and dies?
- Dream or not, why didn't the security system require the eye-scanner to check for pupillary response to light? Presumably Anderton wasn't the first guy in history to use a dead eye to try and fool a scan.
- Cracked pointed out a massive plot hole. A crime goes unknown because the killer murders someone that was already going to be killed. Since it happened in the same way near the same time, the Cops past it off as an "afterthought." The problem here is that whenever a pre-crime happens a ball with the killer's name on it pops up...
- It is stated by one character that these "minority reports" are normally disregarded and destroyed. So it is not inconceivable that the balls appearing along with these visions are treated as part of the flaw and similarly discarded.
- Except nowhere in the movie do the echoes or visions of previous murders produce balls with the victim's and killer's name on it. This 'echo' should have produced balls that the real echoes did not. Even if all echoes did produce balls, the ball for the killer would have a different name. How exactly could the techs disregard that?
- Perhaps the names only appear when the precogs' vision shows faces. Recordings of visions could be subjected to the same identity-scans as are used throughout the film, but both the attackers in the crucial vision wore masks, meaning only the victim's identity could pop up on a ball.
- At the end when they broadcast Agatha's vision it does show his face so it's clear the precogs did know it was him.
- Besides, seems like that to trigger the alarm and activate the system, the Hive Mind of the precogs must be working - Agatha's afterthought which moves the plot had no impact, but the murders which end up being "broadcast" by all three precogs do.
- Why didn't the Big Bad kill the female precogs' mother outside the area the precogs were watching rather than disguise it as an echo? This would have significantly reduced his chances of being caught and didn't require a convoluted scheme.
- There's the possibility that they just were too lazy to reprogram their system to no longer accept Anderson's eyes for access. It seemed to have been the first time someone with access like that had been arrested, he was locked up and in some sort of an induced sleep-like state, and no one probably suspected that his wife thought to hold on to one of his bloody eyeballs. Without any sort of precedent like that, it's not impossible that it slipped their minds.
- The central premise of the film is that there is only ONE timeline; whatever the precogs see will inevitably happen. Always. Fletcher gives a speech to that effect. Yet, at the end of the movie, one of the precogs says Anderton "can choose" his own future, and chooses one that contradicts the prediction. No one seems to think that unusual, nor mentions it as a possible problem with the Precrime project.
- That's not the premise. The premise is, "Whatever the Precogs see will happen, unless someone intervenes." It's pointed out right from the start that Precrime essentially gives fate the middle finger on a daily basis. Anderton, with his foreknowledge of the crime, is essentially his own intervention.
- There's also the very premise that, apparently you can be arrested and imprisoned for life, without trial, because a machine says you were going to kill somebody. In Real Life, even attempted murder doesn't warrant a life sentence. Wouldn't something like that warrant more, rather than fewer, safeguards to prevent abuse?
- Isn't that kind of the entire point of the story?
- The threat of Precrime "going national". In the film, there are exactly three precogs who were created by accident, and whose range appears to be limited to a few miles radius. There's absolutely no way conceivable that Precrime could "go national" with the facts presented in the film.
- Unless there was some sort of secret plan to create more precogs. Considering how the original three got their powers, that would be quite nasty.
- Maybe there are a bunch more pre-cogs anyway, but they are all haloed, or possibly in lunatic asylums doped to the eyeballs on "liquid cosh?"
Phantom of The Opera
- Just how bad is Joel Schumacher's version of The Phantom Of The Opera 2004 is a matter of taste, but it's hard to justify the scene where Raoul subdues the Phantom (a man he knows to be an extortionist, stalker, and murderer) in a swordfight and, after only a token protest from Christine, lets him go instead of killing him or turning him over the authorities, as any sane man in his position would have done.
- And then goes home to plan a Zany Scheme to catch the guy he just let go! Because apparently Christine thinks beating a guy in a duel fair and square is dishonorable, but what they were planning to do during Don Juan Triumphant was not — it's a Zany Scheme that uses Christine as the bait, no less. Way to protect the girl, Raoul. (Note that in the stage version, said scheme is proposed earlier in the plot, and only employed because no better options present themselves.)
- Christine spends years under the impression that her father has been coaching her as a ghost. Fair enough, she's a naive young girl. She tells Meg and Meg dismisses it as her imagination. Again, fair enough, that's reasonable for someone to think. Christine is taken away by the "Angel of Music" (who she still believes to be her father's ghost), sees that he has a mannequin of her in a wedding dress, sees his horribly disfigured face, and is frightened by him. She is apparently missing for long enough that people notice and get upset. Then Christine is sent back and doesn't tell anyone. She stays quiet about it until she thinks Raul is in danger, and even then just tells him some vague stuff about the Phantom. Did it not occur to her that if she told some people what happened, there was a better chance of her being safe from the Phantom? Did it not occur to her that there was something a little odd about her "father's spirit" lusting after her and trying to kidnap her? And why doesn't Meg tell anyone what Christine told her, especially when the Phantom's activities became more apparent? Did she not think anyone would care that her best friend was being contacted by what was possibly the Opera Ghost?
- I believe the idea is that Christine is conflicted about her feelings towards the Phantom and/or he still has some influence over her. Sadly, neither Joel Schumacher's direction nor Emmy Rossum's acting communicate this very well. As for Meg...well, she really doesn't have much excuse, especially after she found the secret passageway behind the mirror (which is another Wall Banger in and of itself; how stupid would the Phantom have to be to leave the friggin' thing open in the first place?).
- The movie also completely misses the point of Carlotta's character. While she's certainly an example of bombastic, over-the-top operatic excess and most likely not as good vocally as she was at the start of her career, she is by no means a bad singer (in fact, her position indicates the exact opposite). The movie pushes her towards Dreadful Musician territory, having staff members plug their ears with cotton when she performs and showing the opera audience vastly preferring Christine. This undermines the managers' entire reason for backing Carlotta to begin with—they're more business minded than artistic (the Phantom even says as much) so naturally they prefer the popular star who will sell more tickets over the unknown kid from Sweden. If demand for Christine was so high, why wouldn't they accommodate it? The actual voice work only makes this more annoying—Margaret Preece at least sounds like someone who's had a few voice lessons, while Emmy Rossum's thin, immature voice sounds unlikely to carry past the first few rows of the Opera auditorium.
- The Don Juan Triumphant scene has the Phantom poorly disguising himself as Piangi's character. While certainly the audience would think that this was all part of the show, the wall banging starts when one realizes that the other actors, the managers, Madame Giry, Raoul, the conductor, and Christine wouldn't. Why doesn't anyone run out on stage to apprehend the Phantom?
- Why is Madame Giry the only person in Paris, France, to have a French accent?
Resident Evil series
Resident Evil, the original
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
- William Birkin's pointless cameo. In theory, he is one of the scientists who take away Alice and the guy who'll become Nemesis in the second film. But he gets no memorable lines, we never see his face, and his name is never used in the film proper. And the whole "G-Virus" storyline is never used here or in the sequel. What was the point?
- Why does the team decide to go down there? Why not wait for a few hours to send the two suspicious individuals back to a nice secret torture chamber before sending a nice robot to look around the place? The idiots in charge know what kind of things were being experimented with in those facilities, but they choose to send a very small team in there without even equipping them in Hazmat suits! In the game, a team of crashed special agents made some sense. Here? Not so much.
- We could probably talk about how incompetent the team was, too. The "Zombie Movie Intelligence Test" note says the protagonists got the lowest score ever at -1100. It took 20 minutes for them to try a headshot. As Cracked put it, the team are such awful shots that they increased the number of zombies. One of their many, many, many missed shots hits the controls on a containment unit, which releases even more zombies into an already crowded room.
- When Red Queen tells them zombies can only be killed with headshots, Rain is surprised.
- Why did they build that under an inhabited city? It would have been easy to build twenty miles out of town with enough security to make sure that nothing ever escaped. Were the idiots trying to ensure that any security mess-ups would result in a worst case scenario?
Resident Evil: Extinction
- Alice being able to beat Nemesis in hand-to-hand combat. Yes, THAT Nemesis.
- Nemesis is after STARS members, right? So it kills that one guy, and chases Alice. Then, when it loses track of her, it just leaves. It forgets about Jill, another STARS member in Raccoon City. Then again, if it had gone after Jill, she might have been more important than Alice (a full blown God-Mode Sue in this film). We certainly couldn't have that.
- Nemesis pulling a Heel-Face Turn.
Resident Evil: Afterlife
- In Extinction, LJ gets bit and infected, but he doesn't tell anyone. He turns just in time to bite one of the other survivors. But he was Genre Savvy enough to survive the previous movie and the five years between the two.
- In this film, the T-virus has psychic powers.
- The clones.
- Businessman Wesker. They turned one of the most cunning and vile video game villains ever into a Corrupt Corporate Executive. His cameo appearance was nothing more than a hologram.
- In Extinction, they throw in a Psuedo-Birkin. Instead of turning into "G", he becomes a talking Tyrant with tentacle powers who is defeated by that laser grid from the first movie. This severely annoys those watching who played the game first.
Resident Evil: Retribution
- In the previous movie we're explicitly told and shown that the virus has made the world's water dry up...somehow. So how is there an entire ocean and a rather green Alaska in this movie?
- It's worse than that. At the end of the previous movie we see a heavy rainstorm over Tokyo long after the world drying up thing was established. That's right: the writers showed us the whole world drying up and then forgot they did it within the same movie!
- Albert Wesker is apparently a redeemed good guy now, the President of what remains of the United States, AND he gives Alice her superhuman powers back after he took them in the last film!
- In Spider-Man 2, Peter walks away from a man being mugged because he was depowered. These muggers were not supervillains! Even if he couldn't intervene personally, he could at least call the cops, or call somebody to scare the thugs away! That's right, kids, helping people is a work for a designated costumed hero only. Everybody else - don't even bother!
- The news that after Spidey's retirement crime rate in New York skyrocketed by 75%. Yes, Police Are Useless, but that's ridiculous!
- The ever so convenient bit with Harry and his butler before Harry's Big Damn Heroes entrance in Spider-Man 3. The butler just, out of nowhere, reveals the truth. It'd been suggested the butler is a hallucination, representing Harry's good side, making it all the more glaring.
- Parodied here: 
- While it is customary for villains to want heroes unmasked, Fridge Logic suggests that, on average, knowing who the hero is under the mask won't add much info. (Supervillains are rarely average these days.) This cheapens the Heartwarming Moment in the train when two boys tell demasked Peter this:
"Don't worry, we won't tell anybody."
- What exactly are they not telling? That Spider-Man is a dark-haired young man? Or are they promising not to shout "hey, it's Spider-Man!" if they happened to see Peter in the street?
- This was even a joke in an episode of JLU. Luthor had body swapped into the Flash and while standing in the bathroom trying to figure out what his next move would be, he looked into a mirror and provides this gem: "Well, at least I can learn the Flash's secret identity. *unmasks himself* *beat* I have no idea who this is."
- Peter's mutation-induced powers leave him after he starts to doubt whether he should be Spider-Man. They return when he decides that he should. Mutations shouldn't work that way. Even in the magical world of Hollywood genetics, it shouldn't.
- "Only Spider-Man can stop Octavius now". Uhm, guys, Ock is still a human under the robotic tentacles. And he doesn't wear body armor. You can still shoot him.
- Norman Osborn goes nuts because of the Psycho Serum. Makes sense. Harry Osborn goes nuts because..."his father lives in him". How was that last managed?
- Green Goblin attacking Spider-Man during the building fire. Way to go, Spider-Sense.
- What's worse than Venom only getting less than 5 minutes of screentime? The fact that he pulled back his surprisingly well-done Venom face EVERY TIME HE STARTED TALKING. So we only see Venom's actual face for a very short part of Venom's screentime. (And there's only a few seconds of him actually saying anything in full Venom form)
- Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male is taken to its ludicrous extreme. When does Peter realize what the black suit is doing to him? No, it's not when he tried to kill Sandman with no remorse whatsoever. It's not when he threw a bomb right back at Harry. It's when he accidentally hit MJ when in a fight with someone else.
- Both Harry and Sandman were criminals who Peter had legitimate reason to be pissed off at, even if he took it too far. MJ had done nothing wrong to him and he cares about her more than anyone. It has nothing to do with gender.
- Green Goblin's costume. He looks more like an action figure than his action figure.
"Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask, but he's scarier without it on."
- Harry's death: pointless. We quite clearly see earlier in the movie that he can call his board back to him when he gets separated it, he had so many options when Venom was heading towards Pete, he could have a) pushed Venom out of the way, or b) called his board back to him and leave Venom without a weapon and most likely use it to kill Venom after that.
- Peter's relationship with Mary Jane hits rock bottom when he winds up missing her play after he's forced to make a slight detour catching some criminals after they run over his bike and nearly ram him, which delays him long enough that by the time he gets to the theater the usher won't let him inside. After this, she's angry at him and Peter attempts to make up some half-assed excuse for why it happened without mentioning anything about him being Spider-Man. The only thing is, he actually does have a reasonable excuse because of what happened, so why doesn't he just say it? Even if he choose to ignore catching the crimials, the fact that they demolished his bike more than likely already delayed too much by that point. Why couldn't he just say "I was heading toward your play, but I was in a car accident because some thieves destroyed my motorbike and nearly killed me. I barely got out of the way in time!" It's the truth, and he doesn't even need to worry about avoiding to mention anything Spider-Man related.
- Not to mention how she was angry at him, despite knowing better than anyone how shitty Peter's life is. She scolds him with the fact that Aunt May and Harry have seen her play several times and even her old man stopped by, but she should be well aware that all three of them have plenty of free time that an overworked, impoverished student like Peter does not have, and that's without even factoring in his moonlighting as a superhero.
- And then there's Mary Jane abandoning her fiancÚ at the altar at the end of the movie; a selfish, inconsiderate, and frankly heartless move that the movie treats as the most romantical thing ever. MJ is just insufferable across the board in this film, really.
- A test involving nuclear fusion is conducted in the middle of the city.
- Octopus throws a car at the one person who has the information he needs, before he can interrogate him. After somehow finding him in a random diner in the middle of the city.
- Octopus demands Trytium from Harry under the threat of death. But then Harry starts making demands in exchange for it, and Otto for some reason agrees instead of starting to pull his arms off.
- Also in the first movie, there is a kid about to be crushed by a falling blimp that Spider-Man has to save. The kid doesn't even run, nor does he even look scared; he just stands there idle, almost like he wanted to die. I mean, yeah, he was probably in shock, but just...what.
- In 3, neither Connors nor Peter seem to be the least bit surprised, excited, or concerned, about the fact that Peter just discovered a sentient alien goop. Even ignoring the sentient alien part, it's still a living being that laughs in the face of normal biology. They should be dancing their way to a Nobel prize.
- The people who refused to use surrogates were a small and vocal minority, and they didn't do so because of financial issues (which no one in the film's universe seemed to have, apparently), but because it was morally questionable. These are the same individuals who have no problem with people actually dying, because at least they aren't using the surrogates anymore. There's also the fact that the leader of these terrorists also just happens to be the inventor of surrogates himself, using a surrogate, to preach the evils of using surrogates
- Also, as mentioned above, these people (according to the film, the majority of Americans, maybe even the world) have no financial trouble with getting access to Surrogates, which must cost thousands, maybe even millions of dollars each. The main characters of the film are two cops and a hairdresser. This wouldn't be a problem if they talked about loan programs or payment plans, but they don't.
is far worse with Hollywood Science
than even Armageddon
can dream of, and Convection Schmonvection
is the least of it.
- Only the geologist can identify the substance pouring out of the tar pits. The writers think that we don't know lava when we see it? Or that most people in LA wouldn't?
- A scientist who needs a thermometer to realize that the pile of debris right next to her is over 700 degrees Fahrenheit. (For reference, that is hotter than the interior of a self-cleaning oven when it's self-cleaning.)
- Our protagonist, at one point, has everyone at a certain intersection place concrete highway dividers in an arch to use the lava's own strength against it...and they set up the arch in the wrong direction. It still works.
- The scene in the subway. A man is able to move around in a train car so hot that it's melting around him. It should have been so hot that all the survivors he's rescuing would have been incinerated. Then the stupid man stupidly jumps into lava so he can throw the last survivor past it, stupidly remaining conscious and successfully throwing another grown adult clear, and then stupidly melting just like the Wicked Witch of the West. And it was stupid — did we mention that? Especially the ridiculous idea that people use the subway in Los Angeles.
- The premise of the film is that, somehow, an incipient volcano could sneak up on Los Angeles, one of the most geologically monitored areas on the planet, simply because there's a subway line under construction.
- There's the arbitrary way the mass of the lava is dealt with. Lava is made of stone. The massive wave of lava should have weighed many tons, but it doesn't push a bus out of its way, which a small river of water can do. Then, arbitrarily, the lava has mass again when the barricade is put up.
- It snows ash throughout the film, except when it doesn't. Thanks to all that volcano ash, everyone is going to die of lung cancer soon.
- More likely Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis
- That touching scene at the end of the film. It was parodied in South Park thus:
Chef: Hey, children, everybody! I'm back! I'm back from Aruba! What the-? [Everyone is pretty much in black-face because of the ash-storm.] Okay! Eeeeeehverybody get into line, so I can whup all your asses!
- The lava seemed to speed up and slow down as was necessary to the plot.
- A very small dog barks at lava slowly filling up the living room.
- The noticeable lack of toxic and corrosive gases that usually accompany volcanic eruptions. There's no way that anybody would have been alive that close to the mouth of an erupting volcano.
- No one seems to be aware that a volcanic eruption in the middle of Los Angeles would almost certainly result in the city being rendered unlivable for an extended period of time. Definitely months...probably years or decades.
- Evacuations should have been the priority rather than trying to "fight" the volcano. The idea is suggested and bluntly rejected by our protagonist. Oh, and he heads the film's local FEMA-equivalent.
- Roark (the protagonist) displays a staggering lack of the most basic knowledge about volcanoes. We're talking knowledge that children who watch educational TV would have. He doesn't know the meaning of the words "magma", "geological event", and seems barely aware of the existence of tectonic plates.