Wall Bangers: Professional Wrestling
"Rock Bottom! Into the dog poop! The dog poop! The dog poop!"
The website Wrestle Crap
was created to chronicle Professional Wrestling
's wall bangers; it's since become so popular that the word "wrestlecrap" has become a slang word for such things in many fan circles.
has had so many of these, a page was made to contain them
, and then another for WrestleMania
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- WCW actually deserves to be mentioned here, just in and of itself, because of the way it was run in the end. Wrestlers were literally punished for becoming popular. If the fans took a liking to someone, said wrestler would be buried. Ric Flair in particular was always humiliated in front of his home town fans in Charlotte. There was no backstage discipline - Scott Steiner became notorious for threatening and attacking coworkers, and was never punished in the slightest (in fact, it was during this time he became the champ and had the biggest push of his career). Main eventers turned Face and Heel with such rapidity that no one knew who was on what side. Every night was a new Shocking Swerve that everyone except the Genre Blind faces could have seen coming even if they hadn't done the exact same thing the previous four weeks. By the time they finally made some positive changes, it was too late - they'd lost 90% of their audience and got their television deal canceled.
- They did once punish Scott Steiner for shooting on Ric Flair and Eric Bicshoff on live television, even mentioning how they fired Steve Austin. His punishment? Suspension with pay.
- The moment when RoboCop came on a WCW PPV to save wrestler Sting from The Four Horsemen. "Woohoo, what strength by Robocop" indeed.
- One of the biggest wrestling wallbangers of all time was the Finger Poke of Doom. WCW had an incredibly hot feud between Goldberg and Kevin Nash. Goldberg was at the very end of a 150+ streak of victories. Nash was leading "The Wolfpac", a group of rebellious antihero babyfaces. (Opinions on Nash frequently cause the Wolfpac's popularity to be drastically understated in the retelling). Well, Nash beats Goldberg with the help of a taser on Pay Per View. The next night, he ends up defending against Hulk Hogan. He was supposed to defend against Goldberg, but in a sub-angle that's something of a Wall Banger itself, Miss Elizabeth accuses Goldberg of "aggravated stalking", causing him to be detained by the police. Hogan and Nash had their match, Hogan poked Nash in the chest, Nash sold it like a cannonball, and Hogan won. The Wolfpac became the same old NWO that had already worn its welcome out through endless iterations, and Goldberg, now sans winning streak, was beaten mercilessly by the heels. WCW literally never recovered from this.
- In a wallbanger within a wallbanger, Miss Elizabeth was originally supposed to accuse Goldberg of rape. Goldberg vetoed this. He's lucky he had the stroke to do so.
- After Goldberg was detained by the police and subsequently released, the storyline then became if he could get back to the arena on time. Normally this wouldn't be a wallbanger, except outside shots established the police station as being right across the street from the arena! And he arrived in a car!
- And just to make certain that anyone watching this gets a headache, this was the very same episode Tony Schiavone and Eric Bischoff shot themselves in the foot by attempting to bury Mick Foley, with the infamous comment about winning the WWF title on a pre-taped show and claiming "that'll put the butts in the seats". Well they were right, Mick Foley put asses in seats, and WCW would never recover from that disastrous Nitro episode and go out of business two years later.
- WCW's "White Hummer" angle. A mysterious someone smashed a limousine that Kevin Nash was in, at the hands of "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Speculation about who drove it went on sporadically for months, and we never really did find out who was driving it. The original plan was for the driver to have been Rena "Sable" Mero, who had recently been fired from WWF, but her no compete clause kicked in, and WCW wasn't allowed to do anything other than show her in the crowd doing nothing. Considering that whoever was in the limo wasn't even hurt, the angle could have been quietly dropped - but instead they turned it into some kind of convoluted migraine inducing... something.
- During this time, Sid Vicious returned to WCW as Macho Man's bodyguard. The same Macho Man who trapped Nash in the limo in the first place. The logical conclusion that viewers got when this happened was that Sid was the Hummer driver. Savage would deny this immediately, and the mystery dragged on for months with no conclusion.
- It should be noted that WCW finally did reveal the driver of the Hummer as Eric Bischoff on the same episode as the April 10, 2000 reboot episode, when Bischoff did the same to Hulk Hogan. While many appreciated the Continuity Nod and the resolution of the angle, it was rather pointless in that this led to nothing between Nash and Bischoff specifically (they were in opposite stables, the Millionaire's Club and New Blood respectively, but they were feuding with different members at the time), not to mention Savage would only make one more appearance in WCW. That's not even getting into the silliness of resolving a pre-existing angle on a show in which all existing storylines are being abolished and the company is starting anew. Most people don't even remember the Hummer driver was actually revealed on this show.
- This page needs more Chucky the Killer Doll. Watching him get into an argument with Rick Steiner on WCW Monday Nitro (and WINNING!) was a soul-crushing disappointment on par with getting underwear for Christmas. Used, soiled underwear. Quick rundown about why: for weeks beforehand, Nitro was randomly interrupted by maniacal Evil Laughter. They could have spun anything off of this. They went with Product Placement. Worth mentioning was that Chucky wanted was for Rick to leave Scott Steiner alone because... Chucky intended to direct a movie and planned to cast Scott as the lead.
- Having learned nothing from Chucky, WCW did almost the same thing to promote the HBO series Arliss. In this case, they had Robert Wuhl come out, in character as Arliss, and commentate an entire match between Randy Savage and Billy Kidman. To make it worse, Arliss spent the entire match burying both Savage, Kidman, WCW, and pro wrestling in general to talk up Dennis Rodman, who was doing one of his WCW stints. After Rodman showed up and interfered in the match, Arliss gets into the ring and cuts the same "wrestling is worthless and stupid" promo that he'd been doing on commentary. The only defense for this is that it was probably mandated by TNN executives.
- WCW's treatment of Psychosis when he lost his mask was wallbanger worthy. First, Psychosis - as a heel - was feuding with the Filthy Animals (Face) stable. Then Billy Kidman and the others tried to forcibly unmask him. Psychosis proceeds to lose a hair vs mask match against Kidman. Now, the bookers apparently promised Psychosis a title reign for agreeing to lose his mask. That title reign came after previous champion Lenny Lane got pulled off television because GLAAD threatened to sue WCW over the character (which, in a DarthWiki/WallBanger moment of its own, admittedly the depiction was getting blatantly homophobic). Lane had been scheduled to drop the title to Disco Inferno. Psychosis dropped the title instead of Lane. In other words, his reward for unmasking was to lose a title he never won.
- This wasn't even the first time Psychosis lost a title he didn't win. When Jushin "Thunder" Liger was on tour with WCW, Juventud Guererra won Liger's IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title by hitting him with a tequila bottle, but suffered an elbow injury during the match. Since Psychosis was his tag partner, Psychosis got to lose the IWGP belt back to Liger in Juvie's stead... for years, New Japan Pro Wrestling (Liger's native company and the guys with the IWGP belts) refused to recognize Juventud Guerrera's reign or Psychosis' subsequent loss of the belt 'back' to Liger. To keep up Psic's string of bad luck, NJPW finally decided to recognize Juvie - but not Psic - as having held the belt.
- Psicosis got it pretty bad in WWE, too - read the WWE entry on The Mexicools.
- The late-WCW stable New Blood would drop blood from the ceiling on an opposing wrestler which would in turn drain their powers. It also had a tendency to miss its target. One occasion had the blood completely miss its target and go into the audience. The same audience that paid considerable dough for the ringside seats. Way to
crap bleed all over your fans, WCW.
- At this time, Vince Russo and Ric Flair faced each other in a cage match. After a brief Curb-Stomp Battle, Flair applies the figure four. However, Russo (who is not a wrestler) ends up spending what feels like over an hour in the hold because the inevitable blood falling from the ceiling trick would otherwise miss its target again. When it finally falls, it ends up all over both men... but apparently Russo isn't affected by it.
- At the same time as the New Blood/Millionaires Club feud, there was a stable built around the tenured midcarders who didn't fit in with either group. Hugh Morrus, Lash LeRoux, Chavo Guerrero, Jr., Van Hammer, and The Wall. Making them a stable wasn't actually that bad of an idea. Giving the whole stable a military gimmick and incredibly cheesy names was not. They were called the Misfits in Action and renamed to Corporal Cajun (Lash), Lieutenant Loco (Chavo), Sergeant A-wall (The Wall), Major Stash (Hammer), and, because Vince Russo loves his penis jokes, General Rection (Morrus). On the plus side, they had a really hot valet in Major Gunns (Tylene Buck).
- As a joke within a joke, Van Hammer was originally going to be called Private Stash. He objected vociferously because he didn't want to have the lowest "rank". Yes, Van Hammer threw a fit over this.
- To elaborate on how Morrus' new name was a penis joke when the word is missing an E: in Kayfabe, Morrus threw a fit before a match against Scott Steiner after being introduced as "Hugh Morrus". He revealed to everybody that it was a phony name given to him by Eric Bischoff to make him look stupid. Well, he would stand for it no longer! Henceforth, he demanded that he be called by his real name: "Hugh G. Rection". Or "Captain Rection" for short. Later, he got a promotion.
- One very egregious wall banger occurred concerning Buff Bagwell. In early 1998, he was severely injured in a match with Rick Steiner after a move was botched. He's gone for months and then returns at the Georgia Dome show on July 6th (the one where Goldberg won the WCW World Title). The crowd gives him a warm welcome, and during the interview he has Rick Steiner come out and tells him that he doesn't hold what happened against him and that sometimes things just go wrong. Then the next week, while giving an interview, Hollywood Hogan attacks Bagwell and seemingly tries to injure him again. At this point the crowd is totally behind Bagwell, and they could've just had Bagwell officially turn face and side him with Rick Steiner, who was feuding with Scott Steiner. But no, they piss it away by revealing it was a plan by Bagwell and Scott to set up Rick for an ambush. They could've done far more by having Bagwell turn face, not to mention that the crowd was totally receptive to the idea, but instead completely waste the momentum.
- By the time Bret Hart arrived in WCW, he was the hottest commodity in pro wrestling. The Montreal Screwjob ensured him all sympathies of the wrestling world, too. So could WCW screw up his debut? Yes they could. By booking him into a match between Larry Zbyszko and Eric Bischoff as the special referee. By the way, Bret Hart's WCW career is a wall banger in itself.
- The feud between Disco Inferno and Ernest "The Cat" Miller, based on the two of them being wrestlers who dance. All leading up to a match at Bash at the Beach in which the loser would no longer be allowed to dance. However, someone in the back realized that whoever lost the match would basically end up losing his gimmick, so the stipulation was axed. This would've been fine if they haven't realized it just before the match. Thus, this feud was reduced into a Shaggy Dog Story.
- Not quite long (or bad) enough for Wrestling's So Bad It's Horrible section: The demi-feud between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash. Nash - in his role as Joe's slightly scuzzy Obi Wan - told Joe that you have to fight with your brain as well as your brawn. Sage advice, coming from anyone other than Nash, who at 7 feet tall and nearly 300 pounds has never fought - much less won - a match where his style was anything other than "brawl brawl, Big Foot, Power Bomb." Not to mention his "mind games" have never come into play anywhere other than backstage politics. He compounded his comedy of errors by showing Joe "how to do things right" by challenging Booker T... and proceeding to wrestle the stereotypical "throw the smaller guy around" big-man's style. It's one thing to have one character bold-face lie about his accomplishments, but it's another to have that character go out and prove the lie a lie in the ring. Doing it all within an hour and then expecting the audience to take it at face value? [headdesk]
- The three-hour TNA Impact featuring Hulk Hogan's debut was a bit of a mixed bag, with some truly great moments (example: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle). At one point, Jeff Jarrett got on the mic and began a spiel about how TNA was doing well, and mentioning the great young talent, which was then cut off by Hulk Hogan, who ranted about Jarrett having a huge ego and how he always attempted to put himself over while keeping newer wrestlers down, without any irony whatsoever. There is some justification for calling Jarrett out on this, but compared to Hogan?
- Speaking of that Monday Night Impact, how about that train wreck of an opening segment? They kicked off the show with an 8-man X-Division spotfest inside the Steel Asylum. The Steel Asylum is a dome-shaped cage where the winner must escape through a hole at the top. The match started out inoffensively enough (despite the fact that you couldn't see anything through the bright red cage), but started to go downhill once Homicide pulled out a police baton. He hit the first guy and nothing happened. He hit the second guy and drew a disqualification in a cage match with escape rules. After attacking the other seven guys, he starts climbing out the cage for the lulz. Meanwhile, the Impact Zone is chanting "THIS IS BULLSHIT" in the first 15 minutes of the three hour special. Once Homicide gets to the opening, he soon realizes that he cannot escape through the opening of the dome, which means that nobody checked to see if he could actually do the stunt! After taking more time to not exit the cage than TNA mainstays like Beer Money, Eric Young, and Chris Daniels got during the entire show, the other guys in the match stop selling the baton shots and start going after Homicide. Homicide eventually escapes through the door anyway. After all this, Jeff Hardy makes his return to TNA in a shocking moment and delivers the Twist of Fate to Homicide on the ramp and poses on top of the Steel Asylum, saving the segment from sheer disaster, or so we thought. The next day, Jeff Hardy was indicted by a grand jury on drug charges, making it look like TNA signed a potential criminal.
- TNA, why would you recreate the Montreal Screwjob in Orlando with Hulk Hogan playing the Vince McMahon and Kurt Angle playing the Bret Hart? As if imitating that event long after it's been played out wasn't bushleague enough, it would seem that Hogan and/or whoever wrote it had absolutely no understanding of the actual event, or else just wanted to avoid being seen as copying the idea (too fucking late)—they decided to have Hogan claim innocence, apologize to Angle, then have Earl Hebner (the same referee from the Screwjob in the WWF) claim he screwed Bret and Angle all himself... this time around because he was paid to do so by Ric Flair. TNA, do you even watch wrestling?
- This was particularly egregious because (starting slightly before TNA's angle) WWE was running an angle involving the Screwjob which featured Hart, McMahon, and Shawn Michaels (in other words, the people involved in the original screwjob), including a segment where Michaels made peace with the Hitman. That TNA decided to run a screwjob angle on the heels of WWE running (a much more logical) continuation of the original one made TNA look extremely bush league.
- Also, why send Hulk Hogan to announce the removal the Six-Sided Ring from TNA and make it into a four-sided ring at Genesis? Without informing the wrestlers and many of the production staff beforehand? The Six-Sided Ring was the trademark of TNA and what made it stand out against other companies. "WE WANT SIX-SIDES" indeed. Now, we can argue all day about whether the six-sided ring was gimmickry to begin with, but for years the wrestlers and production staff had perfected their craft with the six-sided ring and to switch up the work environment of an already dangerous profession for the sake of a Shocking Swerve is unbelievably bush league.
- One episode of iMPACT! featured Eric Bischoff firing Bobby Lashley, who was hired before Bischoff was hired (remember this, it's important). He had also fired Mick Foley the week before, though Hogan sort of reinstated him. Later on in the exact same show, Bischoff finds Ric Flair and AJ Styles preparing to go on a long vacation, essentially leaving TNA without its world champion for a month. Bisch essentially cancels this vacation, after saying that it's too bad he can't fire Ric Flair because he signed his contract before Hogan and Bischoff did. Give this about 30 seconds thought. Now start wallbanging.
- TNA closed out Destination X 2010 with one hell of a Wall Banger. The match was Abyss vs. AJ Styles for the World title, and it abruptly ends with Abyss Chokeslamming Styles through the ring. The ref calls for the bell and rules the bout a No Contest for a reason that is not explained. It could be because AJ Styles could not continue, but that would award the belt to Abyss. It could be because Abyss could not pin Styles in a broken ring, but all he has to do is pull him out of the hole and pin him in an unharmed portion of the ring. It could be a DQ, but Abyss didn't break any rules. They could even DQ Styles for having Flair Mace a referee earlier, but the match continued with the new ref. Hell, it could even be a count out with AJ technically not in the ring, but the ref never counted. All we know is that the match had to end for whatever reason. In any event, after the match is over, they toss Desmond Wolfe and Ric Flair into the abyss and celebrate, in spite of the fact that Abyss did not win the World title.
- It's also a wallbanger in the sense that AJ weighs no more than your standard X-Division wrestler, and Abyss has slammed them hundreds of times in his tenure in TNA, yet the ring never broke before. Generally when promotions have the ring break, it's occasions in which one giant wrestler does a huge power move to another giant wrestler to sell the impact and power of the wrestlers and their spot (see Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show; where Lesnar superplexed Show, collapsing the ring). So, instead of the end of Destination X coming off as an unforgettable moment, some Smart Marks laughed at the fact that TNA must be hit very hard by the recession and had to cut back on simple maintenance.
- You've probably read the above statements and asked yourself, "Surely they at least tried to make this spot look legit by having Abyss jump off the top rope/turnbuckle with A.J. right?" Nope. The chokeslam that The Hurricane gave to The Rock back in '03 had more impact.
- A similar situation occurred in the then-WWF when The Undertaker fought The Big Show for the world title. The match ended when Show chokeslammed 'Taker through the ring in very similar fashion. The ref stopped the match and The Undertaker retained the title. And even later was the Big Show vs. JBL in a steel cage match with the ring broke again via chokeslam, but there was an official conclusion that JBL won when he crawled his way out to touch the outside floor. Theoretically, it could be that since the ring is no longer properly functional with a big hole in it, the match is stopped and the belt is retained by the champ. Does this explain away why of all the times for Abyss to be able to slam a guy through, it was A.J. Styles? No. Not in the slightest.
- In February 2010, TNA ran an angle where Abyss was given Hulk Hogan's WWE Hall of Fame ring. The fact that Abyss wears it to the ring and holds it up to the camera, at which point you can clearly see the WWE logo, is dumb enough. But the ring has also apparently given him superpowers...or "confidence", or something. The fact that the angle obviously pulled the old Magic Feather cliche almost makes it worse. The fact that "confidence" also means "breaking handcuffs" doesn't help much either.
- Orlando Jordan's decision (at least, one can assume it was Jordan's decision) to portray himself in-ring as a Depraved Bisexual. Jordan has stated in an interview that he hopes that this gimmick will help other people with race or sexuality issues. How in the bloody hell is being lowered to the ring wrapped in police tape or squirting yogurt all over himself while ogling Rob Terry like he was the main course at a buffet going to help people?!
- This makes one of the best examples of why TNA is in trouble. Jordan pitched this idea back during his WWE days, and somebody with sense kept shutting it down. He comes to TNA and they say "Sure!" (Of course, whether or not he wanted to take it to the extremes it's at right now, we may never know.) TNA is constantly criticized for picking the bones of WWE's leftovers with talent, and apparently they're doing it with storylines, as well.
- He also seems to like walking around in short-shorts and diapers, 'cause that's what bi-sexuals do.
- Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Sean "X-Pac" Waltman formed a stable called "The Band", which still had all of the markings of their old nWo stable, but without the name due to copyright reasons - they randomly attacked wrestlers claiming "They Run the Show" and spraypainted their name on the backs of their victims. Seriously? You're pulling this old gimmick out again? Hadn't there been enough of the nWo during the four years they were on WCW? Or the period where WCW resurrected the gimmick to lousy response? Or when WWE promoted it as the poison to the company? Or the last time TNA used this gimmick in the form of "The Kings of Wrestling"?
- Don't forget Eric Young's involvement in the group. See, it started that Nash was friends with Young prior to The Band's arrival in TNA. Young wanted to join The Band, but Hall and Waltman did not like him so they beat him up, causing Nash to side with Young. This led to a PPV match with "guaranteed contracts" for Waltman and Hall on the line. In a Shocking Swerve, Nash Powerbombs Young and sides with The Band. This leads to a bloody cage match with Nash and Young with Nash taking the pin. A couple weeks later when Waltman leaves the company, guess who turns heel and joins The Band? Eric Young! A few weeks later, Hall leaves the company as well, rendering the whole thing totally pointless and leaving poor Eric to turn his career back three years and reprise his "idiot" character.
- At Lockdown 2010, Doug Williams was stripped of the X-Division Championship simply because he was stuck in the UK because of the Iceland volcano eruption, and they wanted an X-Division title match on the PPV. Worse, Doug had the title belt with him, so the new champion couldn't even wear the belt that they won.
- To be fair, it was painfully obvious that they were going to crown a new X-Division champion at Lockdown, but since Doug was in the wrong place at the wrong time and TNA was dead-set on a title change, they had to strip him of the title. And to TNA's credit, they managed to get a decent angle out of it and a title match at Sacrifice between Doug Williams (who still has the belt) and Kazarian (who is currently the champ).
- Of course, what made this real irritable was that Williams won the match, thus keeping the belt he was stripped of. Kazarian never even once actually wore the belt! Kinda hard to show proof the guy was champion when now no video proof or photoshoots (for the moment at least) can remind people he was champion for a month.
- Monday Night Wars II in four minutes.
- This promo between Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett on the 7-22-10 episode of Impact. No, we can't make sense of it, either:
Nash: "You know, I had a week to think about what went down, and the more I thought about it, something just didn't feel right. I mean, you know... you're amazing, and you're really good at what you do. You almost had me convinced it was Sting that left a log in the punch bowl. You know I've known Sting for 20 years. When I broke in and wasn't making a dime, Sting used to let me lay on a rollaway bed for nothing in his room because I was dead broke and he was making big money. So I looked at things a little closely and I said to myself I not sure that it was Sting that left a log in the punch bowl. I think it was you, Double J. You eat a lot of almonds? Huh? You eat a lot of almonds? I can deal with it! I can deal with it! But you know what, there's a group of young guys in the back that look up to you as a veteran and as a leader, and those, my friend, are the victims.
: "I have no idea what you're talkin' about!
I'm not buying it, and I'm sure as hell sure these people aren't buying it. I mean Kevin, it was you Big Kev who screwed Hulk and Eric when you did the end around to get Hall and Waltman their jobs. Kev, you used your
deceit to hurt this company. So you can come out here and spin your tale any way you want. But I know you, and these people know you, because it's been well documented over the years. Now, do I need to go on and on and further explain myself?
: "You know what, I'm good at a history level. Kill it, alright, kill it. You know the thing is Jeff, I've already come to my conclusion. I get it...I can deal with it and live with it. I got a question for you: Those three little young daughters of yours? When they grow up, and they get it, and they realize that their father, their loving daddy, is nothing but a selfish prick? You juggle that in your sleep!"
- Later, it turned out Jarrett was helping Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff steal the company from Dixie Carter out of bitterness over losing his majority shares and Nash found out about it. However, this resolution 1.) came months after this promo aired, 2.) Nash didn't just say "I know you're conspiring with Hogan against Dixie. Knock it off." and 3.) Jarrett still doesn't have his majority shares back, Hogan and Bischoff have them. So, it still makes no sense except less confusing and more outright stupid.
- Kurt Angle talked about how he'd rather wrestle in front of a few thousand fans who were passionate about what was happening in the ring instead of tens of thousands of fans sitting on their hands. A usual jab at the WWE, except it's also acknowledging the fact that the WWE is lightyears ahead of TNA in terms of actually making money. So in short, in this promo Angle admits that TNA can't compete with the WWE. This isn't even the first time TNA has brought that fact up.
- What really makes Angle's point moot is the fact that, aside from WWE making five times more than TNA on its worst days, a lot of the people in the Impact Zone are tourists who just sort of wandered in, not knowing what it was until they got there.
- Abyss taking up a new trademark weapon - a 2x4 with nails stuck through it. This leads to another Wall Banger when they have Abyss use it (off-screen) to assault TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam. Not only does RVD hold the title for five months and then not put over the next champion since he's forced to vacate the title, but we also have Abyss trying to murder RVD with a dangerous weapon, and no one bothering to call the police to report the attempted murderer.
- Then there's Hulk Hogan, near the point of Despair Event Horizon, saying he's "never seen something so brutal". With anyone else, this would be justifiable. But this is the guy who founded the nWo, and intentionally drove a Big Rig into an ambulance which contained The Rock, who was already strapped to a stretcher following the nWo's earlier assault.
- And then there's the fact that TNA management officially blame Ric Flair for Van Dam's injuries, and then make absolutely no attempt to punish him. At least Dixie made an attempt to suspend him, before Hogan vetoed that.
- Now, as stated earlier, RVD was the World Champion and thus had to be stripped of the title because he couldn't defend it. So TNA sets up a tournament to decide a new champion at Bound for Glory. Van Dam is booked in a return match at Bound for Glory against Abyss. So, not only did TNA needlessly vacate the World title, but the champion was determined the same night RVD returned, rendering the whole thing pointless! After, one must factor in the extent of Van Dam's kayfabe injuries, and then you realize that three months is not a reasonable time frame to be returning to the ring at all.
- At least Van Dam called out Bischoff's decision to strip him of the title, saying that he could've defended the title within the 30-day limit. Bischoff just handwaved it by saying that it was done within the best interests of the company.
- TNA would follow up the usage of the nailboard by having Abyss introduce a branding iron, and he would torture people with it backstage. It did not make him any more menacing than before, but it really got people asking why the police weren't called and why Dixie Carter does not seem to care that one of her wrestlers is torturing members of the backstage staff in a hidden torture chamber in her building.
- Taz did lampshade the fact that Abyss' actions should've got him fired or at least suspended on the 9/30/10 edition of Impact during his match with Kurt Angle. And in the following week, Dixie decided to fire him after abducting her. Of course, given that she waited this long, this could be a wallbanger in itself.
- Ric Flair started a stable in the spirit of the Four Horsemen and called it Fourtune. The problem is it currently has SIX guys in it.
- Flair is playing the mentor role, and he said that Matt Morgan was more hired muscle (I think he called him an insurance policy). Since Flair can't wrestle that much anymore, I think the Four is supposed to be AJ, Kaz, and Beer Money.
- Douglas Williams is a member as well, that leaves them five members.
- And considering that everyone in the company refers to Matt Morgan as a member of Fourtune, regardless of how Flair explained Morgan's presence, that still leaves six men.
- And now, Morgan and Williams have turned on Fourtune, which leaves Kazarian, Styles, and Beer Money.
- Hold on a second. They hired Rob Terry to replace Morgan. Leaving them with five wrestlers again. Also, apparently they changed their name to Fortune, so the Four isn't as prominent. Still stupid though.
- For months in 2010, Abyss had been wreaking havoc, brutally assaulting people, and all the time talking about how "they" had told him to do it. He promised that "they" would eventually arrive in TNA and that nothing would ever be the same again. Finally, he gave the date "they" would show up: 10/10/10. At the Bound For Glory PPV. This went on for so long that smarks everywhere who still bothered to follow the promotion were sick of it and wanted The Goddamn Reveal to HAPPEN ALREADY. Anyway, from everything Abyss was saying, a person unaccustomed to TNA's stupidity might think that several well-known wrestling personalities would arrive in TNA on 10/10/10 for the first time. Nope. What happened was that Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, and Jeff Jarrett all turned heel and revealed themselves as the people Abyss was taking orders from. So all of this hype and all of the time invested was just setting up another pointless Face-Heel Turn for several guys who had been in the promotion for most of 2010. People were pissed.
- Not to mention all the little ways it defies logic. There were three people in the last match at Bound for Glory; Kurt Angle, Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy. Angle has been saying for weeks he'll retire if he's pinned or taps out, so it would make sense for him to decide "I can't do this on my own, I have to cut a deal" and join up with Hogan and Bischoff. Naturally they don't do that because it'd be too obvious and make too much sense. Then we have Anderson, he acts like a heel, so it'd make sense for him to join up with Hogan and Bischoff. Of course, they don't pick him either. Instead they pick Jeff Hardy, who hasn't played a heel since 1999, the solution that makes the least amount of sense to turn heel and join the immortals. Except he's also being charged with drug offenses and could very well go to jail. And then we have the immortals "plan" if you could call it that. They're pissed off at Dixie, okay that's good motivations. They get Abyss on their side, and then have him attack Hogan to deflect suspicion. So far so good. Abyss attacks RVD, getting him to vacate the title so their guy can hold it. Sounds reasonable. So who else do they get to join their nWo rehash? Jeff Hardy, who with their help will become TNA champion. Except...they don't help him. At all. At no point during the tournament do they in any way help him at all. He ties with Kurt Angle twice which turns the match into a triple threat, which means their guy's chances of walking out of there with the belt even less. So these heels, who use all sorts of trickery, misdirection and generaly underhanded methods to get Dixie to sign over her company to them, can't be bothered to make sure their guy wins the title? Okay, let's just pretend that makes sense somehow, who else do they get to join their group? Jeff Jarret, who had been humiliated by Bischoff for months, yet when they ask him to join he agrees because Dixie bought his company out from under him. So he's pissed, even though she bought the company because it was about to fail because he sucked at running it. And signing with the Immortals doesn't give him his company back, and he's working for the guy who made his life a living hell. *head, meet desk*
- After accidentally giving Mr. Anderson (former WWE competitor Ken Kennedy) a concussion and a nasty gash on the back of his head at the end of an Impact episode, T.N.A. had to come up with a new #1 contender to face Jeff Hardy at "Turning Point" which was only a few weeks away. The guy they picked? Matt Morgan, who was a heel at the time. How did they go about abruptly turning Morgan face after abruptly turning him heel by having him betray then-partner Hernandez immediately following a SUCCESSFUL tag-team titles defense at "Destination X"? By having him come to the defense of Anderson by speaking about the serious long-term effects that concussions can have (this eventually lead to him being beaten and ousted by Fortune). Why is this a wall-banger? It wasn't too long ago that Morgan bragged about putting Hernandez out-of-action WITH A CONCUSSION. So instead of inserting R.V.D. in that spot (he was stripped of the title due to an "injury") they decided to have Morgan change sides twice within the same year.
- T.N.A. has developed an annoying habit of ending angles at the drop of a hat. What makes it funny (and sad) is that they will not even provide an on-air resolution. They'll try to simply sweep it under the rug as if the fans are supposed to magically forget that it happened. A few examples:
- Perhaps TNA's crowning moment of stupidity - Samoa Joe was kidnapped from in the Impact Zone parking lot by ninjasnote in a panel van, in front of witnesses and television cameras. A week later, the kidnapping only received a passing mention during a filler match and Taz noted he tried Joe's home & cell phones, but got no answer, as if he expected the ninjas who kidnapped Joe to just let him go. It took another week for the idea of calling the police to report the kidnapping of a 300 pound Samoan from the TNA parking lot by ninjas in a panel van in front of television cameras to even be considered. Not that the police were ever actually called. Eventually, a grainy video of Joe aired on Impact, before Joe eventually returned with no mention of where he had been, how he escaped his kidnappers or why he was kidnapped in the first place. Unsurprisingly, the angle was quickly forgotten and never mentioned again. Probably for the best.
- Robbie E was awarded a rematch against Kazarian for the X-Division Championship after failing to win it at 2011's "Against All Odds". Frankie retains after Cookie interferes which causes Traci to come to her husband's aid. As Kazarian holds Traci back on the ramp Cookie can be heard off-camera ordering Robbie to "GET MY BELT!" that was laying inside the ring before they cut to a backstage segment. You'd think they were teasing a Kazarian & Traci vs. Cookie & Robbie E program/match sometime in the near-future right? Well in a preview clip for the next episode of Impact Robbie & Cookie are shown going on-and-on about the arrival of former "Jersey Shore" cast member what's-her-face with no mention of what happened earlier in the evening or the X-Division Title anywhere in sight. Cue the next episode of Impact and Robbie, Cookie and the Jersey Shore "star" start a feud with...The Beautiful People? So in the span of an hour Cookie goes from obsessing over a title to worrying about impressing a reality show reject. Oh, and the feud only lasted 2 weeks.
- On the other side of the spectrum sometimes they'll break up a group/team/start a rivalry OUT-OF-FREAKING-NOWHERE.
- Former T.N.A. tag-team Generation Me (they left the company shortly after 2011's "Destination X") showed no signs of animosity towards each other. That is until 2011's "Victory Road." After a promo in which Max told Jeremy that he should let him win The Ultimate X Match & the title because it was his birthday and the 2 coming to blows during the match (Kazarian retained anyway) they were at each others' throats...for about 3 months. Then they reconciled off-camera "for the good of the X-Division."
- Another off-shoot of this is when people turn heel in favor of whoever the Spotlight-Stealing Squad is at the time and the in-character "logic" behind it looks less like logic and more like stupidity.
- The recent nadir of this is Kurt Angle's latest heel turn in league with Hulk Hogan. The guy used a steel chair to take the World Heavyweight title from Sting at Hardcore Justice, despite vowing on the last Impact before the show that he wanted to beat Sting clean to complete his career. His explanation? Hogan told him that Dixie Carter, who Sting's trying to get the company back for, feigned ignorance and turned a blind eye while knowing all along about Jeff Jarrett and Karen's affair back in 2008. Hogan, the guy who's screwed Kurt out of the world title numerous times since coming to TNA, and whose Immortal group has found itself on Angle's bad side at so many turns. Dixie Carter, the woman who suspended Jeff upon finding out about the affair and on-air told Jeff that he had to humble himself and apologize to Kurt when he wanted to come back. Jeff and Karen Jarrett, who have been part of Hogan and Bischoff's Immortal conspiracy almost since it started. Angle's reasoning here pretty much makes NO sense whatsoever.
- This coming after Scott Steiner, who came back as part of the Ironic Echo "anti-Them!" plot that culminated in Fortune's Conspiracy Redemption Heel-Face Turn, suddenly being tag team partners with Jarrett one time, then feuding with Bully Ray, then joining Immortal, all of it seemingly with no logical explanation. And one need not speak of Mr. Anderson's incoherent booking since his return from concussion in 2011. The guy has had two world title reigns that have lasted about three months total, neither of which contained a successful pay-per-view defense. In that time, he's gone from a Determinator on the level of John Cena, to a self-obsessed whiner constantly asking where's his frickin' rematch, to a disrespectful Sting impersonator, to an Immortal sellout, to an immediate dissenter who gets himself kicked out of Immortal within a month cause he can't get along with Bully Ray. All the while his epic value from his first year in the company has just gone down, to the point even a diehard Anderson mark will admit that the pooch was screwed.
- Ironically, Kurt Angle has been TNA's Spotlight-Stealing Squad in the past and has had at least two turns in his favor from this time that have made equally bad sense. Such as Tomko in 2008 turning on friends left and right for Angle based on strength in numbers and promises of superstardom, despite the friends in question being as responsible as anyone for his successes up to that point. And Samoa Joe at 2009's Slammiversary turning on his friends and defecting to the Main Event Mafia's side for money and tutelage, despite his years' worth of beef with every member of the Mafia and the fact that he had the ultimate opportunity to become World Heavyweight Champion by reneging on the deal on top of a ladder.
- In 2008 & 2009, Eric Young underwent a huge amount of Character Development that saw him go from Plucky Comic Relief to the leader of the "World Elite". In 2010, he wound up regressing back to his Plucky Comic Relief role... after falling from the top rope to the outside of the ring & hitting his head. Now, think about this - the Chris Benoit murder-suicide is suspected to have happened because of the damage multiple concussions did to his brain. And TNA had one of their characters suffer a major concussion in a storyline, and then continue wrestling, purely so they could have a Plucky Comic Relief character, who's comedy is essentially due to him being Too Dumb to Live.
- He then dug through the trash and found the T.N.A. heavyweight belt that Immortal discarded and now thinks of himself as a champion thanks to encouragement from Brian "I flunked out of Jedi School" Kendrick.
- On an episode of Xplosion where he took on Brutus Magnus, none of their history together as members of World Elite is referenced. Then again, this may fall under the Three Month Rule. But it's really jarring that Brutus didn't even mention in his pre-match interview that was he taking on his former stable mate let alone the leader of said stable.
- A more recent one that caused blood to paint many walls at is the sudden signing away of all rights of TNA by Dixie Carter. Taking away that we as the audience are supposed to believe Dixie is an intelligent businesswoman. She signed a contract without looking at it, and that's not the worse aspect. It is when Dixie's lawyer state that she signed the contract under false pretenses and could form a very legit court case, but somehow is ignored. In the same way a man was BRANDED WITH IRON!!
- Part of the stupidity came from her twitter where she complains about Hulk and Eric running one company into the ground already, and they won't do it to TNA. Then why did she hire them in the first place?
- She also said right on TV the following week that she never trusted Bischoff. Coulda fooled the viewers.
- The idiocy doesn't just end with Dixie. Though they succeeded, Hogan and Bischoff are kind of stupid for expecting their Xanatos Roulette to succeed without a hitch given it was dependent on variables ranging from "Jeff Hardy makes it to the world title tournament finals" to "Dixie doesn't even glance at a contract before she signs it."
- And after they get the company, what do they do? When Dixie asks Hogan to say to her face that he screwed her and stole her company, he admits it. On national tv. Thereby giving Dixie's lawyer all the proof he needs to convict them of grand fraud. Less than an hour after her lawyer already said he was going to sue them for what they did. In what is looking like the fastest fraud case ever brought to court.
- This doesn't even go in to Bischoff's fighting the case. He continues to keep mentioning how crucial it is that all the titles are held by members of Immortal. What that has to do with a fraud case is something best left for the hamster spinning the wheel in Bischoff's mind.
- Something that recently came up could be seen not only as a wallbanger but also as a Dethroning Moment of Suck when one considers at best how stupid it was and at worse how damaging to the wrestling business it could be, Hogan's speech on how TNA is now getting 'real' and no more 'kayfabe' and how 'nobody cares how many fake titles you've won'.
- As Hulk Hogan is being a Heel president, this is clearly supposed to be him showing his evil side. What makes it so, so horrible is TNA's real life habit of treating their wrestlers like crap. Even when they draw crowds they're treated like shit because Dixie and the rest of the higher-ups know they can get away with it. There's even an example in the damn speech. The "34 fake titles" part refers to 34-time tag team champions,
The Dudley Boyz Team 3D, a heavy draw for TNA. Hogan had no reason to call them out: there's no storyline between them, and until this point, no backstage politics had been apparent. Now, however, he's basically called their careers worthless, completely unprovoked. (As for those who don't draw crowds, they do indeed get fired, but it's not like they're making much less than they were when they were still employed.)
- Here's a transcript:
Hulk Terry Hogan: We're getting very real around here. We are so real, it's unbelievable because if you don't get over like I said, you're fired. If you don't draw a number, if you don't entertain, if you don't put asses in the seats, if you don't put the coinage in the piggybank, you're fired. No more games, no more "kayfabe", "it's a work", "I've won 34 tag team belts"—who gives a damn?! If you don't draw money, you get fired around here. If you don't put asses in the seats, you're gone.
- Honestly, as the Spoony One puts it it was surreal. This troper had for a while defended TNA on it's past mistakes but that speech, the implications and the potential damage Hogan has done to the wrestling business as a whole. Whoa boy.
- Cut to March of next year and the man who Hogan's been hyping as TNA's big draw, Jeff Hardy fucks up big time at a PPV main event and is sent home indefinitely. His replacement in Immortal? Bully Ray formerly of Team 3D.
- Teasing the reunion of the Main Event Mafia before three of the five members have signed contracts in another "They are coming" angle. It wasn't even subtle either, as Crimson outright stated that "They" had made him an offer he couldn't refuse, which was followed by Scott Steiner returning to TNA and saving Kurt Angle... Whilst (Otherwise uncharacteristically) wearing a suit. Now, how badly did this backfire? Kevin Nash & Booker T returned to the WWE in the Royal Rumble three days after the episode setting up the reunion of the group, WrestlingSting is expected to sign with the WWE (And may have already done so, judging from a teaser that aired during the Raw following the Rumble), and TNA hastily had to turn Fourtune face with absolutely no foreshadowing in order to save the angle.
- On top of that, we also have Dixie Carter denying that TNA were planning to reunite the group. Now, despite it being very obvious that they were, any believability of this statement was immediately shot to shit during the following Impact, with Eric Bischoff making snide remarks about Booker & Nash.
- On the plus side, Fortune's finally face! Is it still stupid? Yes, but then again this is TNA, everything's stupid!
- Sting would sign a new contract with TNA...over a month after all of this took place.
- Back to the subject of Sting and WWE - he re-signed with TNA after all. All well and good, if a solid indicator of the fact that no one seems to ever actually leave TNA, but the way TNA followed up on it gets a solid double-whammy. First, they ran a video that was a blatant copy of WWE's 2/21/11 hype videos for Undertaker to promote it complete with mimicking the camera angles, running ads hyping running the video itself claiming it would be the biggest surprise of the year. Then the very next Impact they followed it up by Sting winning the TNA title. On his first night back, in an unannounced match.
- And then it gets topped less than two weeks later at Victory Road in Sting's first title defense against Jeff Hardy. One problem: HARDY WAS TOO STONED OUT OF HIS GOURD TO WRESTLE. So the main event in a TNA pay-per-view turns into Eric Bischoff coming out and changing the match to No DQ, only to have Sting beat up Bischoff and then beat Hardy to win the match - all in a span of less than two minutes. The fans wre chanting "THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!" and Sting was agreeing with them. You have to think the one thing going through Sting's mind was "I came back to TNA for this?
- Speaking of that, let's just say letting Jeff Hardy go to the ring to wrestle, in such a condition that the referee immediately signaled to the back that something was wrong & Sting had to forcibly pin Jeff to the mat so that Jeff wouldn't injure himself or Sting. I'm not talking about the actual match, I'm talking about the fact that TNA actually let Jeff go out to the ring completely out of his mind on drugs.
- The first “Bound For Glory Series” in 2011. Woo boy:
- Most of the matches took place at house shows and the few that were shown on T.V. weren’t treated as if they meant anything (including a 4-way Ladder Match that barely lasted 5-minutes which was only announced earlier in the show).
- Some of the competitors in the top five (mainly Gunner & Crimson) were rarely seen on T.V.
- Crimson at one point sat atop the leader boards but was unable to continue due to an injury suffered at the hands of Samoa Joe, who finished the contest with -10 pts. Think about that for a minute.
- The finals were supposed to take place at “No Surrender” in a 4-way bout. At some point it became 2 singles contest because…it did?
- At “No Surrender” James Storm took on Bully Ray and appeared to win the match with an arm-bar submission. However the referee actually disqualified Storm after he accidentally spit beer in his eyes (Ray had spit beer in James’s eyes earlier in the bout behind the ref.’s back). This put him ahead of Gunner & Roode who SOMEHOW were tied for 3rd place. This meant that the winner of that match had to win by submission. Otherwise Ray would get the main event spot at “Bound For Glory.” Why the two matches couldn’t just be to determine who’d go to the finals is best left in the minds of T.N.A. Booking Committee.
- A few days before B.F.G. Hulk Hogan does a radio interview in which he declares that Robert Roode wasn’t ready to become world champion and would make a better heel, James Storm was easier for a lot of people to identify with because he liked beer and Nascar and that Jeff was the future of the company (the same Jeff Hardy that embarrassed himself and the company earlier that year). Cue B.F.G. and Angle…retains? Gee what a surprise. Then on the next Impact Storm goads Angle into a title match and after 3-minutes wins the belt! *gasp* His fellow Fortune members congratulate him and Roode appears to be genuinely happy for him. He even calls him "brother" and tells him that he deserves the title. 2 weeks later when they meet for the championship Bobby does a complete 180 and smashes Storm’s beer bottle over his head to beat him for the strap. He even put his right foot on James's chest as he posed with the title. So in the span of 3 weeks Roode goes from being pushed to the moon to failing to win on the biggest stage of the year, Storm comes out-of-leftfield to ascend to the top of the mountain and Roode betrays his friends to become the heavyweight champion with no foreshadowing whatever and turns heel. Man with Hogan's cognitive abilities he should buy himself some lottery tickets. His money woes will be gone in no time.
- Radio DJ Bubba The Love Sponge being employed by TNA lead to a seemingly never ending stream of wall bangers.
- As an "interviewer", he demonstrated little wrestling knowledge and took away time from wrestlers to put himself over. He was paid more than actual wrestlers actually good at their jobs. Finally, he turned out to bully wrestlers backstage, figuring few would do much to him because he was friends with Hulk Hogan. Complaints to "management" from the rest of the staff solved nothing.
- After the country of Haiti was devastated by earthquakes, Bubba the Love Sponge went on a spiel about the U.S. constantly helping other countries. This culminated in him screaming "Fuck Haiti!" TNA was doing a charity benefit for Haiti at the time. While higher ups continued to give zero reprimands to Bubba they were all to happy to garner one when Awesome Kong kicked Bubba's ass backstage for crossing her and for his disrespect to the numerous lives lost or ruined. After serious outcry and Kong's lesson in respect, he made one of the slimiest, most bullshit apologies ever where he basically said in no uncertain terms that he was apologizing but wasn't the least bit sorry for being a parasite who had insulted a country that just got devastated by the worst natural disaster in recorded history when his host decided to give its blood to those more deserving. Then Hogan came onto Bubba's radio show, stated he was completely on Bubba's side and joked that Kong was PMS-ing when she gave Bubba what was supposedly the worst beating Hogan had ever seen. This from a guy who got his leg broken when he asked for training to become a pro wrestler. Kong, one of TNA's best workers who was recommended by the likes of Low Ki, would later ask for release from the company. Kong later sued Bubba for (allegedly) leaving threatening racist messages on her phone.
- In an instance worthy of another DVD set against a wall, Kong was a guest on another radio show which quickly turned into a setup by Bubba and the show's host, who was one of his friends. This was completely unprovoked, as the prior situation had been settled months before. Fortunately, Bubba's antics finally caught up with him and he was fired from TNA shortly after. For a third wall banger, he would later try to blackmail Hulk Hogan and his ex wife with a hidden camera, which is still a wall banger for TNA not nipping it in the bud.
- Showing that they're truly an equal-opportunity employer they've also managed to mistreat/mismanage the women just as badly as the men
- TNA stuck excellent female wrestler Cheerleader Melissa in a burqa and had her appear as Raisha Saeed, but they hardly ever let her wrestle. (She was the handler for the behemoth Knockout known as Awesome Kong.)
- Before that, WWF (as they were at the time) importing Rhonda Singh, a monster female wrestler in Japan... then giving her the gimmick of "Bertha Faye, Queen of the Trailer Park" and forbidding her from using any of her big moves.
- WWE, in particular, has a long and illustrious record of doing just that. Like bringing Viscera (a Scary Black Man whose entire persona centers around him being near-500 pounds) back, then suspending him until he loses weight, WWE has a way of bringing in incredible talent, then stripping them of everything that makes them special.
- That's not always their intention though. Viscera had continued gaining weight after his return to the WWE.
- The Raisha Saeed situation was almost rectified, but TNA screwed that up too. Melissa started wrestling under the name Alissa Flash, and Awesome Kong powerbombed her off the Impact stage and through a large pile of stuff to remove the character from storylines. Unfortunately, they then barely used Alissa, and then only as a jobber...and then she was gone. Either she got released or just quit - she was so rarely used it's unlikely any of the casual fans even noticed, and TNA never even officially announced it.
- The Madison Rayne/Roxxi match at Slammiversary. Miscarriage of justice doesn't begin to describe it.
- After "retiring" Tara and Roxxi, the reigning champion Madison Rayne was to face Angelina Love at Victory Road 2010 and made Angelina put her career on the line. Angelina then added a stipulation that if Velvet Sky or Lacey Von Erich interfered the belt would change hands. They usually do this to prevent screwy finishes but onto the match anyway. It was decent enough...until a strange biker chick in black leather drove into the arena and attacked Angelina, causing a DQ finish, making Angelina the new Knockouts Champion. It was eventually confirmed that the woman in black was Tara and the following Impact showing clearly stated it wasn't Lacey or Velvet and the belt was given back to Rayne.
- On the 4/5/10 edition of Impact, the TNA Knockouts were featured in a "Lockbox" match which consisted of an elimination-style match which once a fall has been made (regardless of who wins or loses) both competitors involved are eliminated. The winners of those four falls received a key of their choice that would open one of the four locked boxes. Sounds simple enough, but what's in those boxes? One was an open contract to wrestle anyone at any time. Another contained
Victoria's Tara's stolen pet spider "Poison." The third box contained a decree that the Knockout receiving this must go to the ring and strip down to her bra and panties. The final box contained the Knockouts Championship belt! You heard right...the box contained not a title shot for the championship, but the belt itself, meaning that not only could then-champion Tara lose her title without being pinned, but could still lose it even after winning the match! And that's exactly what happened! She may have gotten Poison back, but she ended up losing her title to Angelina Love. For those who hate the idea of triple threat matches where the champion can lose the title without being pinned, this Lockbox match is even worse. Much worse, considering this this was also the main event of that night's show.
- The segment in which the reveals of the Lockboxes did not help matters. Tara's rival Daffney got the Striptease decree and thus had to reluctantly strip in the middle of the ring. After much hesitation, she starts pulling off the straps to her gear only for Lacey von Erich to attack her and take her place, just because she wanted the Striptease contract for whatever reason. As she's dancing in the ring, Tara and Angelina start brawling over the Knockouts title. As all of this is happening, Velvet Sky cashes in her contract for a Leather and Lace match with the new champ, Angelina Love...a non-title match, even though Velvet could add any stipulations she wants. And what the hell was the "Leather and Lace" match supposed to be, anyway?
- Let's talk about that match. The stips are "I Quit" and handcuffs. At which point we get one of the most uncomfortable gang-beatings in a long time. And on the same night, TNA decided to reenact the White Limo Hit and Run. Do wall bangers stack?
- Add the fact that it was changed from a Leather and Lace match to the "I Quit"/handcuffs match goes back to the match still being non-title. Not only was it a Wall Banger, but also a waste of a perfect opportunity!
- Worse yet, this led to a tag match with Tara and Angelina Love vs. The Beautiful People with the Knockouts Title on the line. Not only was a singles title on the line in a tag match, but the finish rendered the whole thing pointless as Tara got pinned, so Angelina lost the Knockouts title to Madison Rayne. The same Tara who was champion prior to the Lockbox Cockblock or whatever it was called. In the end, they did a screwy title change just so they could do another two weeks later with the original champion getting pinned!
- TNA brought in "JWoww" of Jersey Shore fame for a one-night deal worth $15,000 to work an angle with the newly-debuted Shore (Based on Jersey Shore, for those who don't know). Now read this article. The problem with this speaks for itself.
- The cost of bringing JWoww into TNA would not be so bad if she could potentially draw viewers to TNA. The problem with this investment is that Jersey Shore's first run airing occurs on Thursday at 9PM. Does that start time seem familiar? It should, because it means that IMPACT runs at the same time as Jersey Shore, therefore there is no chance of TNA growing their fanbase as a result!
- While not storyline related the various ways that the production crew finds to screw up should be noted:
- An occasional bad camera angle is...well...bad enough. However T.N.A. found a way to "improve" upon that. Often times they'll alternate between zooming-in as a wrestler hits the mat and switching camera angles and zooming-out after someone gets slammed. One particularly jarring sequence occurred at "No Surrender 2009" when Christopher Daniels hit a split-legged moonsault on Samoa Joe outside the ring. The picture zoomed-in, then out...then in-and-out again.
- About a minute into an Impact match between Douglas Williams & Hernandez someone in the truck decided that Sarita walking around was much more interesting so they cut to her (this had nothing to do with match's quality mind you). She takes this opportunity to taunt Velvet Sky...who was backstage. 20-seconds later Velvet comes out and starts fighting with Sarita and Rosita. Eventually Angelina Love would hit the ringside area to help Sky. For the following minute they alternated between showing the four women brawling and the actual match (focusing more on the women pretending to hit each other) before finally settling on the in-ring action because, you know, that might be important. Williams takes a Border Toss and lands on the back of his neck before being pinned (the resulting injury would sideline him for a few weeks). T.L.D.R.-What could have been Williams's last match (which barely lasted 3-minutes) mostly took place off-screen so they could continue the Sky/Sarita feud that would eventually crash-and-burn.
- Sometimes when another wrestler is sitting at the announcers' table they'll use a dual-screen to show the match in-progress and the people at the table just talking because that's really important. More often-than-not the window showing the wrestlers actually wrestling is smaller.
- Shop TNA letting these pieces of merchandise on their online store is actually pretty damn amusing.
- For several weeks, it was teased that Madison Rayne had a crush on someone in the company. It started with her fussing over what she was going to wear, progressed to her coming out during matches to act like a smitten schoolgirl, then even asking Garett Bischoff what her crush was like. On the 7/5/12 edition of Impact, she came out after Devon's TV title defense and revealed who her crush was by kissing him near-senseless. Her crush? Earl Hebner.
- Tara lost the Knockout Title in a Fingerpoke Of Doom match against Madison Rayne just three days after winning it at Bound For Glory. No one, in the history of wrestling, has ever liked a Fingerpoke of Doom match in any way: it kills a title's prestige, it pisses off the audience, and it kills the momentum of whatever angle is happening at the time. Oh, and one Fingerpoke of Doom match between Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan helped kill WCW.
- Christy Hemme in a tuxedo match with a Big Dick Johnson Ripoff named Big Fat Oil guy. What drives this home is that TNA's slogan at the time was "We Are Wrestling" suggesting they were finally going to start taking themselves seriously, and a fan was waving the sign prior to the match to remind us.
- "The Last Rites" match between Sting and Abyss. It was just a knock off of the casket match but that is not what makes it a wall banger. The fans were wavering between happy "TNA" chants and enraged "fire Russo" demands but the wall banger really comes from Sting blading on his forehead after Abyss hit him with a foreign object, in the stomach.
- On the March 8 Monday night edition of Impact!, Ayako Hamada and Awesome Kong were stripped of the Knockout Tag team titles after failing to defend them for 30 days straight even though they defended the titles 21 days prior against Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky.
- A universal wrestling wallbanger that happens almost weekly...some cute little face of some kind is hanging around in the ring, when all of a sudden, a menacing huge villain comes walking down the ramp. NEVER does the imperiled face simply turn and escape THROUGH the audience, even though there's gotta be at least 50 different exits they could race through before the evil bastard can get to them. They usually just stand there and make scared faces. Someone will grow some Genre Savvy someday...
- Well, the Nexus has been escaping through the crowd, so someone's paying attention.
- The Nexus are heels, and heels have been escaping through the crowd for ages. Good Is Dumb?
- Well, John Cena and Randy Orton have also been doing it recently, possibly or not coincidentally after attacking members of the Nexus.
- After WWE released Ultimo Dragon, they talked about bringing him in maskless under his real name, Yoshihiro Asai. Asai unmasked in preparation for this. Of course, it never happened, so Asai became Tiger Mask IV. Because, for some reason, he couldn't just go back to being Ultimo Dragon. Kind of stupid, but Tiger Mask is a respectable gimmick, it could have worked. But then Asai started the promotion Dragondoor. Combine Creator Breakdown and Protection from Editors and this is what you end up with. There were a half dozen or so imposters with names like Dragon The Great, Dragon Tiger, Tiger The Great... imagine the old Undertaker vs Underfaker angle with six imposter Undertakers instead of just one. It's little wonder that Dragondoor closed after only six shows.
- This is an endemic case of Honor Before Reason amongst Luchadores in both Mexico and Japan. The concept is that the mask, once publicly removed, CANNOT be put back on (though alternate personalities can be concocted.) About the only ones to escape this without being blacklisted are Rey Mysterio and a few others from WCW that were forced to unmask "or else." The way they were treated anyway, a good many probably wished they'd taken the "or else" route..
- Wrestling Society X deciding that wrestling fans weren't physically attractive enough to be seen in the front rows for their shows, relegating the actual wrestling fans to the back and then going out and hiring stereotypically young attractive and hip tweens to be seen at ringside.
- TNA has also become guilty of this. The attractive women in the front row hard camera side at every Impact that seem to cheer ridiculously when the camera's on them? Obvious plants.