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Pirates of the Caribbean
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End has an absolutely massive Wall Banger regarding the Davy Jones-Beckett subplot. Fans of the films will remember at the end of Dead Man's Chest, Beckett managed to obtain Jones' heart, which he could then use to blackmail Jones into doing pretty much anything he wanted. Surely then, if you were an Evil Overlord capable of blackmailing a supernatural being with some object, you'd keep this object close to you at all times to ensure no one stole it. Why then did Beckett leave the heart in the stupidest place possible: The Flying Fucking Dutchman?!. Perhaps Beckett somehow knew and was banking on his own stupidity being overtaken by Jones's, who not only didn't smell opportunity until about two-and-a-half hours into the film, but seemed 100% against the idea of having the heart on board the ship. Has Jones completely forgotten he's nigh immortal? And that he has his own army of fish people on the ship who could revolt against the soldiers to get the heart? Of course, this would undo Beckett's status as the Big Bad pretty quickly, but that could easily be avoided if Beckett kept the heart on the ship where he was to keep an eye on it!
    • Come to think of it, he could have simply submerged the damn ship and drowned all the British troops onboard.
    • Beckett has to have the heart on hand in order to control Davy Jones. This way if Davy Jones or any of his minions tried to overthrow Beckett, the heart would be right there for them to stab, killing Jones and stopping the rebellion in its tracks.
    • In fact, this is exactly what almost happens when Jones tries to retake the Dutchman (except with cannons). The only wallbanger is that Jones tried it in the first place.
    • It is established that the Captain of Flying Dutchman, can only go on land once every ten years. This creates a "heart-breaking" problem for Will and Lizzy, seeing as how he can only visit her once every decade. But wait...why can't she come with him on the ship? It's not as if there is anything stopping her from coming aboard (we see other characters do it all the time, even when they are not permitted).
      • Not only that, but Even if, for some reason, she couldn't come on board the ship, why not simply wade out into the surf a bit?
      • There's also that scene where the good guys meet with the bad guys on a tiny island to chat. Jones is able to come because someone put buckets of water on the sand. Funny sight gag, but are you seriously telling me that Will and Elizabeth couldn't have found a way to use a trick like that?
      • The Dutchman submerges a lot. It seems to need to to go to Davey Jones locker, which is where the souls of the dead were seen. Since Will seems to plan on doing the job, he'd be travelling between worlds often. Easy for undead to survive the constant transport. Not so much for a normal human.
      • What really bothered me (and left several blood smears on my wall) was that according to the internal mythology of the movie, the Flying Dutchman must have a captain. Ok, fair enough. Where exactly does it state that the Captain must keep his heart in a treasure chest? Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Davy Jones have a heart for the first ten years as captain of the Dutchman? The only reason he cut it out was because his girlfriend stood him up; it had nothing to do with being the captain of the Dutchman. There's no reason that Will had to have his heart cut out too.
    • After the film was released, one of the writers blogged that since Elizabeth waited for Will, his "curse" was broken and he was no longer bound to the Dutchman. If Will isn't performing his duties, who replaces him? Remember the scene from earlier in the movie with all of those miserable lost souls floating in the sea because they had no one to guide them to the afterlife? That's what would happen if the Dutchman had no captain or a captain who ignored his duties. And according to the story, one becomes the new captain by killing the old one and having his own heart cut out. So Will would end up dead anyway. Not much of a happy ending there. For this reason, a lot of fans refuse to accept this explanation as canon.
      • Will probably had the power to change some of the rules, particular when it comes to succession. Like, say, he could just name his father as the new captain maybe. Just because it worked one way with Davy Jones doesn't mean it's the only way it could work, and for another thing, Jones was mortal once, so there must have been some mechanism for the process before he came about.
      • It was also implied in the film that Davey wasn't the first Captain of the Dutchman; Tia even outright says he cut out his own heart, never said this was a requirement to be captain but became one after he did it. When Will took control and Elizabeth fulfilled her role in waiting for Will that 'cured' the Dutchman to whatever state it was before Davey hacked out his heart and whatever method was used to pick captains before Jones was put back into effect.
    • The killing of the Kraken. Every fucking thing about it. First off, you don't spend a whole movie building up this unstoppable monster to KILL IT OFFSCREEN before the next film begins! It's not only dramatically wrong, it makes no sense in the context of the story. The Kraken is a large part of what makes Davy Jones so powerful, because he can send it anywhere to attack anyone on the ocean and it apparently cannot be stopped. Becket's whole plan is to use Jones to control the seas, so why would he remove one of his primary advantages? Without the Kraken, he gets an unusually powerful ship...but a ship that we've seen can be outran and presumably outgunned. It'd be like gaining control of the U.S. Military and demonstrating your authority by having them destroy all their nukes.
    • From On Stranger Tides, we've got this little bit of bilge: Barbossa as a privateer for the King of England. If you can't see the problem with that, the bad guys for the second and third movies were part of the British Royal Navy, a part that was very anti-pirate and that he helped bring down. I know he's not as free-spirited as Captain Jack is, but c'mon, this is like a mafia hitman becoming a Secret Service agent after previously helping the mob take down the FBI.
      • I don't recall the British East India Company equaling the Royal Navy...
      • Technically no, but both the fictional and real life East India company were sanctioned by the King of England for all British trade in the area and put under protection by the British navy against pirates (which Beckett was assigned to the Company to take care of), so the analogy (and wall banger) is still valid.
      • Well, he certainly didn't bring them down- though he and the other pirates certainly dealt their activities in the Caribbean a serious blow. Plus, halfway through the film, Barbossa admits he's only a privateer out of convenience; he couldn't care less about the Fountain or the orders of the Crown- he just wants to take revenge on Blackbeard. And true to form, as soon as Blackbeard's dead and his ship's been captured Barbossa cheerfully tears up his Letters of Marque and goes back to being a pirate. And another thing, why is this a problem in the first place? Barbossa's hardly one of the heroes, and even they aren't above playing both sides of the fence.
      • Something quite similar happened in Captain Blood. Dr. Blood ends up as a slave-prisoner in the Caribbean for refusing to violate his Oath by not treating an outlaw. He becomes a successful pirate, is offered a legit job, and takes it. He returns to piracy hours later, and ends up a Governor by the book's end.
      • At the beginning of the film, the Spanish learn about the existence of the Fountain of Youth and set out to seek it. When they finally do reach it, the leader of the expedition deems the place a "temple of blasphemy", or something to that effect, and orders his men to trash the place. Not once is it hinted that the Spanish sought out the fountain in order to destroy it, and to make matters worse, they collect the chalices used to perform the life-extending ritual, which they, given their mission, should have destroyed the minute they got their hands on them; had they did that, no one could have reached the fountain, let alone perform the ritual. Instead, the Spanish are nothing more than a Deus ex Machina, making their existence in the story, outside of an admittedly good retrieval scene with Jack and Barbossa getting the chalices back, pointless.
      • They aren't pointless at all. England probably wouldn't have bothered trying to find the Fountain of Youth if the Spanish weren't, rending the entire beginning of the movie pointless without the Spanish to set things in motion. The Spanish probably assumed they would need the chalices to get to the Fountain, so they obtained them for that purpose. We don't see the Spanish much, so we don't know their motives until the end. We only know what everyone thinks their motives are until the Spanish make it clear what they are.
  • In On Stranger Tides, Jack loses his hat towards the beginning. He makes no attempt to recover it. In fact, he doesn't even say anything about it. At all. This is the same hat that, in Dead Man's Chest, was a major plot point, in that it was totally unlike Jack not to turn the entire ship around to retrieve it when it fell overboard. Then, it was totally logical and expected to go get it, but now it doesn't even warrant a throw-away line?
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