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iHate Sam's Boyfriend: Jonah randomly decides to kiss Carly. Out of nowhere. Under a badly mistaken impression Carly is jealous of her best friend and wants Jonah for herself.
PossibleFridge Brilliance here. In iKiss, Sam says she's never kissed anyone— this would obviously mean she never kissed Jonah. Perhaps Jonah got annoyed that Sam wouldn't even kiss him, and moved on to someone who would.
To elaborate, Brad basically dumbed down iCarly by adding a stupid dinosuar that looks like a Barney reject, replaced Sam with an even more obnoxious Amber Tate who is a self-centered brat that thinks the show revolves around her, gets rid of the band that was supposed to be for the show, and takes away ALL creative control from Carly. Meanwhile, Freddie's given the roll of "Supervising Producer". What does he get to do, you might ask? Brad makes him fetch him a bagel, clean out his fish tank, rub a pack of ice against a fat guy's belly, and wash Amber's dog, which ends up barfing on him. Brad might as well told him that he was given the roll of "Personal Slave". Freddie is ordered to unclog a toilet which finally makes him snap and promptly quits. Carly gets the show back in the end but Brad gets no punishment for what he tried to do.
iPromise Not to Tell (I think that was the title): The episode had a great moral about not cheating your grades up, admitting to your crimes, and honesty. ...Or at least it would have been, if the entire reason Carly got a bad grade in the first place was because her teacher was unsatisfied with the paper she used! Which is completely forgotten after the first act, thereby making the moral "corrupt educational systems are fine and how dare anyone speaks up against them".
It also ended with Sam simply ignoring the aesop of the episode.
There's also the moment where Carly and Freddie tell Sam about their run-in with the internet security agency. Guess what Sam's response to their story was. "Did you guys rat me out?" Those exact words. Not "Oh, my goodness!" or "Did you guys get arrested?", just "Did you guys rat me out?" without the slightest hint of concern. I know that Sam learned that she shouldn't have made Carly and Freddy swear not to blow her secret, but still, with friends like these...
iMeet Fred is already a DMOS entry for the Freddie-bashing main plot-line. But Spencer buys a goddamn ostrich.
iGo Nuclear: Mr. Henning's incredibly strict rules. Sam gets an A on her project by simply jamming her thumb into an orange. Carly failing her project was one thing, if only for how bad nuclear waste can be. But Freddie gets a D- for his, after importing worms fro Portugal. The problem with that, is Freddie gets a D after spending a huge amount of time and effort on his project, and these projects are about thinking about the environment, and putting together a project. Sam should've failed because there was no project and no thinking about the environment, and Freddie should've got at least a B because of his effort, even if he failed to fully think through the effect of transport, but if that's the Aesop, the best thing to do is not do anything because no matter what you do, you're using energy that you otherwise aren't.
iTake on Dingo: In what would be the first of many thinly veiled Take Thats at Disney Channel, the gang blackmail, assault and destroy the property of the Dingo Channel's stand in writers. Why? Because they where copying jokes from iCarly. While that's wrong its made out to some horrible crime, never mind that it doesn't affect their show, it's made worse when you take into account all the Jerkass behavior of Sam has more than exceeded that. Not satisfied with with them no longer copying iCarly, they decide to humiliate them online in a way that was grossly unfunny. I saw this episode back at a time where I didn't like much on Disney Channel and still hated most of the episode. The only redeeming attribute is the frozen-head subplot, and even that gets tainted by the sheer amount of Disproportionate Retribution!
iLook Alike: Well, for starters, the fact that we're supposed to see Spencer as the bad guy, despite how brutal MMA fights can get. Then there's the fact that when he says no, Carly suddenly turns into a whiny bitch. Then there's the fact that, despite leading up to an aesop of the kids learning that the fights really are brutal, they never learn their lesson.
Carly: When did you become so uncool?!
Spencer: Uhhh, when did YOU become a little baby that yells at me when I don't give you what you want?
iRocked the Vote: In the end, Wade Collins still got his music video, despite being an asshole.
iSpace Out: The whole episode turns out to be pointless in the end when Carly breaks out of their space pod by breaking off the handle on their door. Combine that with the sub-plot with Spencer and the little girl (which was just an absurd oddity), and you have an episode that shouldn't have been made, for the most part.
iWas A Pageant Girl: This episode is one of Sam's lowest points in my opinion. In it, the gang discovers that Sam used to compete in pageants, but was banned because a competitor fell down some stairs. Sam forces Carly to compete in a pageant just to stop this girl from getting her 100-win streak, only for Sam to step in herself when she found out her ban was over. The Wall Banger? Sam wanted to defeat this girl for being too nice! She even apologized for accidentally getting Sam banned! And when Sam's dance number won first place, Sam was clearly expecting her opponent to cry or get mad or something. But no, she sincerely congratulated Sam for winning. Yep, an entire episode dedicated to watching Sam trying to crush someone's spirit just for being too nice.
It's especially bad since, knowing this show, you'd at least expect her to be a Bitch in Sheep's Clothing, but she wasn't. She was a genuinely nice person.
The other issue is that Sam completely failed at everything but the talent part of the show. You can't win a show like that with just one section.
iPity the Nevel: Freddie is at the Groovie Smoothie with a hot girl; Gibby, now with werewolf hair on his face, just comes in and takes the girl from Freddie. And when Gibby is reminded that he has a girlfriend, what's his response? "We're not exclusive." This might come off as rude to some people, especially after how horrible he was to Freddie in "iEnrage Gibby" on the suspicion that Tasha was cheating on himself, with Freddie.
This episode gives us another wall banger when you think of the above mentioned episode iSell Penny Tees. Nevel yells at a little girl for making him drop something, then breaking her lollipop? Awful, and Nevel deserves to have things thrown at him, water sprayed at him, entire parties thrown to celebrate his misery, and be hated by millions of people. Sam enslaves children? Hilarious, and the kids are jerks for leaving her.
What's even worse about Sam's assembly line episode is the part where Carly says that it feels wrong. It feels wrong. That's like saying "This might possibly be wrong on some level in another country on a parallel Earth". If this were Codename: Kids Next Door, the iCarly group would've (quite deservingly) been beaten up.
The fact that this is what causes Nevel to lose face with the public. Not, the fact he negatively reviewed a website just because the host didn't want to kiss him (admittedly not necessarily public knowledge). Not that he began hacking another website for seemingly for no reason, or worse, because of the aforementioned refusal to kiss. Not that he tried to arrange for her to be beaten up and publicly commented on it. Not that he stole the website URL ownership so he could mess with it. No one in their right mind would have any respect at all for someone like him after his constant trolling of a website for petty reasons. How does he still have a website that is supposedly popular, when it should be public knowledge at this moment that he's a complete ass!?
iOMG. Sam's feelings coming out of nowhere.
The entire relationship was doomed from the start, they have absolutely NOTHING in common! They're complete opposites!
iLose My Mind: The fact that we're supposed to not like the cops and the person running the mental hospital because they wouldn't break a law so they could do their webshow. Also how no one, not even Freddie, cares that Sam physically abuses Freddie and says they should date.
It reminds me of what happened in Hey Arnold!, with Helga being put in therapy for her bullying. Except no-one cares. You'd think her behaviour would have come up at least before during her therapy sessions with her mother, and then as part of her 'induction'. But no. It's just ignored. Everyone ignores it.
The two episodes iOMG and iLMM are just the same but with the people flipped at the end. Sam hides. In iOMG she hides (badly) her emotions. In iLMM she hides (physically). In iOMG Sam kisses Freddie with no build up and no discussion. Then in iLMM Freddie kisses Sam with no build up and no discussion. So in the space of three days Freddie has gone from a guy who was in love with Carly (which was unquestionable all the way up to iDo at the latest), with zero on-screen closure given to his feelings for Carly which would tell the audience he doesn't have them, to coming to terms with Sam's feelings and then somehow returning them. In three freaking days. Most people think longer about what they are having for dinner that week.
iDate Sam And Freddie. Every damn moment Sam and Freddie were together in this episode made my head bleed. Jennette and Nathan have no chemistry romantically because of their friendship, they obviously aren't being directed to actually look like they have any passion (you could fix it by making them watch a tape of every kissing moment in Victorious and go back to iSaved Your Life to watch how Miranda and Nathan kissed), so I blame the crew rather than the two actors. That's only maybe one scene. Every other freaking scene they are in involves them constantly fighting. If I hadn't been told how awesome Miranda's final speech was at the end I'd have shut it off. It was tiring, boring, cliche. Worst of all, it made it oh so obvious Sam and Freddie shouldn't be dating at all. Instead we have to watch two more episodes of them together even if they don't stay together in the end.
It's basically ruining the show, and a waste of 5 episodes that should have been used on something else like actual comedy. All I can hope for is that the creators are pushing Sam and Freddie down this path to show everyone just how badly the two of them are if they are together because they are tired of the Sam/Freddie fandom overshadowing the show itself and are getting it out of the way now rather than have it keep building until the end.
The explanation for how Sam came to like Freddie. She pushed him into a bike courier, Freddie got knocked into a fire hydrant, got knocked out, and while he was bleeding from the ears Sam realized how cute he was. Seriously, what the fuck. And Freddie is all "awww". You deserve whatever hell Sam puts you through, Freddie. You really do. Grow some balls.
iCan't Take It. Okay Freddie, just ignore the fact your college chances have been ruined and your girlfriend has zero respect for you. Okay. Sure Carly, just ignore the exact thing you said you weren't going to do, which was to fix Sam and Freddie's relationship problems, and go and fix their dysfunctional relationship yet again. Okay Sam, just keep being a bitch and expecting everyone to love you anyway (might as well, no-one seems to realize how sick her behaviour is). Sure Gibby, want to break them up in the first half of the episode, then suddenly switch right near the end for no reason to get rid of Mrs. Benson. Sure Dan, keep writing shit like this. No wonder the episode ratings are going down the toilet. If the next episode isn't a break up, then hello Mr Shark and welcome to "Ruined Forever", because iCarly will be dead. Instead the show will be iSeddie or iSam.
To make matters worse, when Dan first announced the episodes, he mentioned that he often heard the staff and crew say, and I quote, "These may be the best iCarly episodes we've ever done". While some people on the iCarly Wikia are calling some of these episodes their favorites, I doubt casual fans would say the same.
And when Freddie tries to justify that Sam basically ruined his life, Carly tells him to shut up.
iLove You. Apparently Sam getting Freddie kicked out of one of his clubs is equal to her attempt at trying to smuggle ham into a prison using Freddie, only for him to fail because she did something incredibly and obviously stupid by stuffing two entire leg hams into his pants. Sam then blames Freddie for it. At least Seddie is done for now. How can anyone ship them?
Made worse (for me anyway) when you consider all the mean spirited comeuppance other jerk characters get (Chuck gets tricked into failing a test, while what he did was wrong its something that Sam does to Freddie all the time) Ms.Benson is looked at as a horrible person who even the "nice" characters look at with disgust and can't stand to be around (not that she's pleasant to be around but compared to Sam...) But Sam can get away with ruining Freddie's dream, if any other character had done that, say Nevel there would be a humiliation conga in store for him. If it where Freddie's mom (say she would miss Freddie and didn't want him to leave) she probably wouldn't get a cruel comeuppance but certainly wouldn't get off scott free. And Freddie would shown to be right in his anger toward her and it would be made to be a big deal.
iPear Store, in which Freddie gets hired by the Pear Store and Sam, Carly, and Gibby go and visit him. Freddie has trouble selling things, because his customers ask completely moronic questions, but when Sam tells a lady to "buy the newer computer" (in a completely abrasive way), the lady immediately buys the newer one. Freddie's boss sees this and hires Sam, who torments Freddie the entire time, and even gets promoted to Freddie's supervisor. When Freddie says that Sam is rude and a criminal amongst other very true things, Freddie gets fired. What? The worst part? As soon as Freddie's fired, Sam quits, meaning she only wanted to torment Freddie and shows no remorse for him getting fired. And everyone loves Sam why...? The people not buying anything from Freddie is incredibly contrived and unfunny and just an excuse to torture Freddie for half an hour.
iBust a Thief. So we find out that Sam's laptop has been stolen, and that the serial number of the thief is an old lady. The gang busts into her apartment, and she gets cranky with the group, attacking Gibby with her glass lamp. They then realize that her laptop is blue, while Sam's is red, and they read the serial number, only to find out that Sam had a 4 in her serial number instead of a 9. The old lady attacks Freddie as well, despite him trying to make it up to her. So they're forced them to leave despite them thinking that Sam's laptop is gone forever. But then, we find out that Sam's laptop was in the fridge with a pizza carton, and the episode ends without her telling them that.
Shaggy Dog Story. Unfortunately Dan Schneider's tendency to use these or No Ending episodes dilutes the effectiveness and comedy. Once is great. Doing it over and over looks like lazy writing.
Oh but it gets better, the hype for this episode was built around an iCarly cartoon with South Park-esque animation that would be featured, that only lasted a minute and a half and was at the begining of the episode. What.