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In the hands of a capable director, WallBangers are easy to avoid. These films didn't get so lucky.
Examples of Executive Meddling and Fan Dumb are not Wall Bangers. They should be posted on their own pages.
Examples will be highly subjective. Read at your own risk, and if somebody rants about a show you like, please refrain from making Justifying Edits. If they're wrong, just delete it.
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Both 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later
- 28 Weeks Later is one long Wall Banger mixed in with Shoot the Shaggy Dog. Two major points merit special mention: 1) When the protagonists' mother is found, she is found to have the virus, however she is a partially immune carrier. So the medical staff and the army put her in a room, by herself, no armed guards or anything, where anyone can just walk in and contract the virus. Let me say that again: the most lethal virus in the history of mankind with a kill rate of virtually 100% and an incubation period of seconds had ABSOLUTELY NO ONE guarding it to make sure that it didn't escape into the general population. 2) Because of the idiocy in 1, the virus gets loose. The army executes a procedure called "Code Red" to combat it. If you're thinking that Code Red is "confining everyone to quarters and shooting anyone on the street or in the halls because anyone who doesn't listen to the curfew must be infected," you're using too much of your brain (more than whoever wrote this movie). No, Code Red consists of herding all the healthy civilians, somewhere around 15,000 of them, into enclosed areas, using weak locks to seal the doors, turning off the lights, leaving them unguarded and defenseless, and then having snipers search the streets for the 4 or 5 infected that are running loose. Of course when one of the infected breaks into one of these dark unguarded enclosed areas, they quickly turn 1 infected person into 500 infected people. Snipers then try to pick out the infected from the healthy as the crowds burst onto the street. However this quickly proves to be an ineffective tactic, so they get the order to kill everyone, including people who are actively hiding, surrendering, attempting to evade gunfire, driving cars. You know, those things which it is established that the zombies NEVER DO. Eventually they firebomb and gas the entire population, complete with shots of fake remorse from the higher ups in the operation, as though this was something they didn't want to do, but were forced to by circumstance. Quite frankly watching the movie, up until the end, I assumed that the army WANTED the civilians to catch the virus, and the whole thing was some convoluted twisted plot to get a new bioweapon for the US. But no, the army was just that inept.
- The way they kept the woman was only supposed to be extremely temporary, you could see them talk about it clearly for the first time as the guy broke in. Also bear in mind that it was behind unbreakable glass and only accessible to people with very high-level security clearance (which he had as it was necessary for his job). Not really sure what's meant by the "code red" thing, there was absolutely no time to quarantine people properly, they just did what they could.
- Temporary or not, you're kind of missing the point here: the woman had a virus that had wiped out an entire country in just under a month. If you had a vial of something that, if even accidentally opened, could wipe out your entire state or country, in days, would you risk leaving it alone and unguarded for even a second? The statement that there was absolutely no security was incorrect, but given the threat level, the fact that only a keycard and a handful of guards down the hall who didn't even pay attention to anything passing them was the only thing keeping literally the most dangerous thing in the world from escaping into the population was idiotic. So far as Code Red: that was the plan that they had set up in advance. The plan was to put everyone in containment, and try to find any infected. If more people got infected, they bomb the entire city. That wasn't some spur of the moment response they came up with that was THE plan, and it was mentioned several times throughout the film. As stated above, the way they did it was stupid, because with all of those people in an enclosed area, as soon as one infected person breaks in, they've just made 500 more infected people. If they had told everyone to go to their rooms, lock their doors, and don't come out until further notice., there's no guarantee that more people wouldn't have been infected, however if one infected person breaks into a studio apartment filled with 3 people, by definition they can't make 500 infected people in a matter of seconds like they did the way they wound up doing it. They could easily track the infected in the streets, lock down any rooms and floors that were necessary, and pick off the infected at their leisure. Idiot Plot explains this better, as really, a whole lot of stupid stuff was done in this movie, and the above statement that this movie was Wall Banger mixed with Shoot the Shaggy Dog forgot to add in Idiot Plot and Idiot Ball.
- They had the woman chained to a bed in a secure cell, which you could only get into with maximum security clearance. As soon as they realised she was infected, the soldiers immediately ran over there to execute her. They had about a 30 second window to do it, and there was apparently no reason to hurry. This still doesn't excuse the rest through.
- If the soldiers had been ordered to "shoot suspicious targets", they would have had a bit more freedom to rock 'n' roll, but no obligation to slaughter everyone. They could have possibly saved most of the population.
- 28 Days Later, for that matter. After narrowly escaping execution at the hands of the soldiers, Jim returns to the house for revenge, and to rescue Hannah and Selena from being raped. So why, why, WHY is Jim's first decision upon getting back to the house to shoot the infected Private Mailer's chain, which kept him from entering the house and killing everybody? Didn't Jim remember that the only way for Mailer to get out of the courtyard is through the doorway which leads into the kitchen area of the house? It seems that Jim thought Mailer could help him kill off the soldiers which were holding the women hostage, but did he EVEN CONSIDER that with an infected, rage-filled person running around the house that Mailer could chew off Selena and Hannah's faces before ever killing one soldier? And if Mailer did infect a couple of soldiers, might they not then try to infect the women?
- Jim was just a guy going up against a house filled with trained soldiers. Freeing the infected was by no means a guarantee at success, but it leveled the playing field and raised his odds at complete success from utterly impossible to pretty hopeless.
- Mailer provided a distraction for Jim. While the rest of the soldiers were dealing with Mailer, Jim would attempt to rescue the women. It's a desperate ploy, but it's all he's got at this point.
Alien(s)
- The aliens' biology. The aliens are silicon-based rather than carbon-based. That's not the problem — silicon has the same tetravalence which allows for varied organic compounds. Using other organisms for incubation is also perfectly reasonable — it happens all the time on earth. But combining DNA with the host creature during the incubation period? You fail high-school biology. Gorillas and humans only differ by ONE amino acid, and how many human-gorilla hybrids have you seen lately? The aliens aren't even carbon-based; their DNA isn't going to be remotely similar to ours.
- It's a sci-fi action/horror film. It's not supposed to have realistic biology. That being said, the real Wall Banger is how on earth would the aliens be able to survive/reproduce without any hosts for their offspring to live off of, or to use as a food source for that matter...especially considering they're shown to live in remote areas devoid of nearly any life. Aliens is a good example of this. We're shown that the titular monsters have pretty much killed everyone (Except Newt) on the planet and that there are hundreds of them. Let's do a little math, shall we? Overpopulation + Not enough food = Cannibalism. Why haven't the aliens begun eating one another? And, what about the unhatched eggs? Do they just sit there for centuries waiting for something to come by so a facehugger can latch itself onto it? There are organisms that can wait for a pretty long time until ideal conditions come along for it to survive, but this is taking it to ridiculous levels.
- But Aliens don't eat humans! They use them as incubators. We don't know what Aliens eat. Maybe nothing. I see no reason a species we know so little about couldn't last indefinitely without outside contact.
- Oddly enough, that's a case that does make sense if you go by the theory that the aliens are bioweapons.
- It's not said that the creature is silicon-based, but that it produces silicon to harden its exoskeleton. How? Well, it's science-fiction.
Alien 3
- In what is still considered the most controversial plot twist in the Alien series, the chain of events that started Alien 3. An egg containing a facehugger was somehow laid by the Alien Queen during the events of the previous film. This raises a number of questions about xeno(morph)biology and series continuity:
- How does an egg get laid upside down?
- Why did the egg open by itself when eggs were clearly shown to react only to outside movement in the first two films?
- How did the facehugger know how to get all the way from the cargo bay to the cryopods?
- How can a creature that is bleeding just a little acidic blood cause a big enough fire to evacuate the entire ship?
- Didn't the queen detach from her egg sac, which was mostly destroyed by Ripley, before going to the ship? How did she lay it?
- Most important: How did Ripley miss the egg in the first place?
Alien Resurrection
- The Queen gives birth to another human-alien hybrid who thinks Ripley's its mother.
- To further elaborate, the Queen develops an artifical uterus/womb of sorts due to having Ripley's DNA within her. Weird, but ok. Then, she gives birth to a human-sized alien-human hybrid (Known as the "Newborn" by the fandom). A bit unbelievable, but still fine. But, then, for no reason whatsoever, it pretty much punches the face off of the Queen and imprints Ripley as its mother. How...just...How? It doesn't make any biological or practical sense. Yes, some species do imprint on something other than thir own species as their parents because that's the first thing they saw. T He first thing the Newborn saw, however, was the QUEEN. Notice a problem?
- The conclusion. The bullet proof, everything proof, alien is sucked through a one inch hole into space! Air pressure at sea level on earth is a little under fifteen pounds per square inch. In a space ship it would be less since nitrogen is dispensed with (only the oxygen is important), so that hole would have the suction force of a good vacuum cleaner. Even better, since we already seen that Aliens are resistant to Explosive Decompression. But Hybrid is somehow blown into space...
- The space station. Conducting bio-warfare experiments on a deep space platform makes perfect sense. It is isolated and there is no danger of anything escaping. Having that station programmed to return to Earth if there has been a malfunction does not, since that brings the biological weapons right where they're not wanted.
- In an age where you still need to go to cryosleep to get to mining jobs, this black-ops military experiment ship is just a few hours away from Earth!
Avatar
- The main character, being a sort of diplomat between the humans and the Na'vi who then joins the Na'vi for real, is told by his human bosses that if he can't get the Na'vi to move in three months, the army's going to have to use force. So, just to be clear - it would be in the best interests of both his Na'vi friends and his human bosses to try and strike a deal with the Na'vi people, or at the very least, warn them. Instead, for no reason, he just spends the entire time hanging out with the other Na'vi, enjoying the lush planet and his new athletic body, without ever telling anyone they have to move or die. Then, when the three month deadline is up, he pleads for the humans to hold off the attack. They tell him he has one night to try and evacuate the Na'vi before they come in using force. So, you'd think he'd tell the Na'vi now, right? Wrong. He spends the night fucking the leader's daughter under a sacred tree, never mentioning what's going to happen the following day. Then he gets all angry when it actually does.
- On a smaller note, the hero says of Earth "there's nothing green there anymore". He seems to have forgotten that he fought in Venezuela, which was described earlier as "some mean bush", meaning there. Was. Lots. Of. Jungle.
- The concept of Unobtainium. We never learn during the film itself why it's worth $20 million a kilo after being mined, processed, and shipped on a route that would take 5 years to make a round trip. It's not like gold, which we originally valued because it was pretty; it's an ugly grey metallic rock. If it's useful, then why it is useful enough to send people to a Death World would be useful to know. You have to explain why the valuable rock, the center of the conflict in the story, is worth shipping all those military craft over for...
- Apparently there was a deleted scene where it was explained that it was used as fuel for fusion reactions, but it was cut because they felt not mentioning this tidbit would enhance the world ALA the "Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder" line from Star Wars. Unobtanium is the MacGuffin that drives the entire plot. Then again, if there was a need or clear-cut use for Unobtanium given in the film, then many more viewers would be Rooting for the Empire — we're only human.
Batman And Robin
Batman & Robin caused such a huge backlash because of its campiness and disrespect for its source material that people exaggerate its lack of quality. But there are points:
- Bane was shoehorned in as a third villain. Rather than being the intelligent criminal who crippled and almost killed Batman in the comics, he was a mindless thug who didn't even know how to talk and serves no purpose besides being a muscle-bound henchman.
- There were characters surfing through the air on rocket ship doors.
- Every single line spoken by Mr. Freeze, complete with Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent.
- They explain Schwarzenegger's build as Mr. Freeze having been an Olympic Gymnast. Gymnasts are TINY and LEAN, not big bulks of Muscle.
- The Bat-Nipple Suits.
- Alfred protected his encrypted CD (containing the secrets of Batman) with a three letter password that is both a proper noun and the nickname of his sister, AND that is written on a picture of Peg sitting next to Alfred's computer. Granted, Alfred (somehow) foresaw the possibility of Barbara hacking the CD to the point that he loaded his own memory engrams into the Bat Computer to interact with Barbara and prepared her a Batgirl costume; but he was taking a big risk nonetheless. If some computer-savvy villain had gotten to that CD first...
- There's also the decision to make Barbara Alfred's niece fresh off the plane from England (as opposed to Jim Gordon's niece or daughter). The problem? Alicia Silverstone didn't use any kind of British accent. No explanation is given. If her character was in Gotham City long enough to pick up an American accent — which wouldn't match her story — then the great detective would have known something was awry.
- When Robin goes to infiltrate Poison Ivy's lair, he puts rubber lips on and allows himself to be seduced by Ivy. He then takes his rubber lips ''off'', and proudly shoves it in Ivy's face that he tricked her. Then, after said trickery, Ivy pushes Robin into her vine filled pool when she could have kissed him right after he removed the rubber lips and taunted her.
- Ivy gets the shaft again. When fighting Batgirl, she pulls out a knife. She then looks at her reflection in the knife and fixes her hair, which gives Barbara an opportunity to kick her into Ivy's throne, which has then become a man-eating Venus flytrap. What?
- In fact, the film's only redeeming feature is that it kept Mr. Freeze's tragic origin.
Bratz: the Movie
Since its entire purpose was to sell dolls, the screenwriters who worked on Bratz: The Movie were more concerned with making an hour and a half long commercial than an engrossing and thought-provoking coming-of-age story. As a result, the plot could provoke a concussion and a head-shaped hole in a wall. Some of the more interesting bits:
- Why are high school students allowed to play around with chemicals powerful enough to create small fireworks displays without the supervision of a teacher?
- Why does Yasmin have an entire mariachi band living in her house?
- Why does the head cheerleader feel the need to wear a tiara?
- If Cloe's family is poor, then where does she get the money for all her clothes and the brand new moped that she rides to school? She doesn't have a job.
- If Dylan is deaf, then why does he use sign language in only two scenes? More to the point, how can he speak without an accent?
- Why didn't Yasmin just tell her friends that Meredith was blackmailing her instead of giving them the cold shoulder?
- Why does the entire student body bother with listening to Meredith? Would you listen to some girl, even the principal's daughter, tell you on your first day of school who you can talk to and where you have to sit during lunch?
- Sadly, many people would if she were perceived as high-up on the social totem pole. See Mean Girls.
- If Yasmin's family is supposed to be Mexican, then why is their Spanish broken?
The Core
- The Core has a scene in Rome where lightning chases people down the middle of a city street.
- The premise. If the Earth's magnetic field fails — and it has many times in Earth's history and will do it again in the near future when it changes polarity — then the atmosphere would ionise through solar winds grating on it and create a new magnetic field, which would protect the Earth from further solar winds and similar things. That whole mission was unnecessary.
- A thorough listing of its scientific grievances
makes this reviewer proclaim that the film's So Bad, It's Good.
- The writers thinking that a mass email would be taken seriously.
- Considering people forward chain emails to this day, and that various news outlets the world over thought Jeff Goldblum died after falling off of a cliff in New Zealand — word of which originally came from Twitter — that idea isn't unrealistic.
- At one point, a protagonist asks why drilling down through the earth's crust would be any more difficult than space travel; a scientist replies, "Because space is empty." Er, no. No, it isn't.
- The destruction of the Colosseum by lightning. It's made of marble and concrete, neither of which conduct electricity.
- The lightning never produces thunder, only static.
- The lighting uses a computer to redirect the entire U.S. power supply to Coney Island.
- Some of the character deaths — most notably, Serge's death was pointless and could have been avoided.
Dawn of the Dead remake
- The survivors want to leave their safe, fully-stocked mall - which would have canned food, supplies, medical kits, radios, everything they could possibly need - to go to an island in Lake Michigan. They do not know if Steve's boat is still in the marina, if the island exists, if the island is uninfected, if they could even survive on the island, or if they're capable of driving across the city through thousands of zombies. They try anyway. Why? According to the nurse, "I don't wanna die here." Yes, they're leaving a perfect place to survive because the zombies freak them out. The island does exist, but this plan was shown to be flawed...
- They all nearly die on the boat because they run out of water and gas. They have hardly any idea how to use a boat. If they had stayed in the mall, then they all could have survived a lot longer. Nice one, morons.
- The mall was compromised by some bad decisions. To be fair, the survivors were acutely aware that they couldn't stay in the mall forever, hence their preparations for leaving. Rushing out to rescue one Too Dumb to Live survivor, perhaps. Trusting the Jerkass to keep watch on a critical door that kept the mall secure...
- It stated in the commentary and effects featurette that the zombies were demonstrably falling apart. The longer the people remained in the mall, the more the zombies began to collapse on themselves. Before the attempt to reach Andy's gun shop, there hadn't been any security breaches in the mall proper; the only zombies they had to mop up were stragglers in the mall at the start of the incident. Why breach this security because you're disturbed by something that's over? The mall seemed to be well-stocked with food and supplies; why leave this when clearly you're leaving whatever necessities you need and already have in hopes that you'll find somewhere without zombies, without any proof? If the zombies are falling apart, then that is foolhardy; you could just wait till they fall apart completely and then strike out looking for somewhere else.
- The scene with the blonde chick, Nicole, and the dog, "Chips". The dog gets out of the mall and proceeds to wander around in the crowd of zombies, who take no notice of it because, apparently, these zombies only attack living humans, as opposed to all living creatures. Chips is not in danger. But Nicole, Chips's adopted owner, steals the getaway truck, crashes it into the gunshop opposite, and has to be rescued by the awesome chess-playing gunshop-owner — who is zombified as a result. Nice going, moron.
- They released the dog because they strapped foodpacks onto the dog in order to feed the starving gunshop-owner, Andy. Nicole flips out because the zombies enter the gunshop the same way the dog does.
- She goes alone, with no plan and no weapon.
- Andy is stuck in his weapon store, which is undoubtedly chock-full of weapons and ammunition. We've seen that he's a skilled marksman. Using his skills and supplies, he should be able to if not get rid of all the zombies in the city, then at least considerably trim down their numbers. Why didn't they try to do that, instead of a game of chess and Kill Waldo?
- This is addressed in a bonus feature on the DVD. Andy mentions attempting to kill all the zombies that gathered but "for every one that died, two more showed up, like that hobbit dragon thing.
The Day After Tomorrow
- The Day After Tomorrow contains several moments. It never occurs to the survivors in the library that "maybe that tanker floating outside has supplies we can use" until after one of them gets sick! Also, captive-raised wolves crave human flesh...but only freshly killed human meat. Real Life wolves are smart enough to realise that "Frozen corpses all around" translates to "All You Can Eat Buffet!" And then there's running away from cold. They outran a wave of extreme cold and threw more books on the fireplace so that it wouldn't instantly freeze them to death.
- Burning books for warmth when they are surrounded by wooden tables, wooden chairs, wooden bookshelves, etc. Books are horrible fuel for a lasting fire; they burn well, but they burn out in a couple of minutes tops.
- They stacked the to-be-burned books directly in front of the fireplace, between themselves and the fire. That's just dumb — it blocks the heat flow, and if the fire leapt forward (as real ones occasionally try), it would've set the room on fire.
- We also have the kids looking for a working telephone (and finding it!) and almost completely submerging themselves in water that must be just above freezing with absolutely no ill effects. A continuity error has them all dry one scene later in the exact same clothes. They swam around in near-freezing water and then walked around in sopping wet clothing and yet did not freeze to death.
- Much of the science is questionable at best
.
- The space station crewmember who at the end said "Wow, the air is so clean!" or something to that effect. Someone should have immediately dope slapped the dipshit, or better yet, tossed his ass out the nearest airlock.
Die Hard films
- Die Hard 2: Die Harder has too many errors regarding airplanes to list here. A random example: The inability of the planes to just go to their alternate landing field. Every commercial flight must have in its flight plan an alternate airport it can land at if needed. There was attempted justification with extremely poor weather conditions, but it still didn't work: Baltimore-Washington International is so close to Dulles Airport (where the film's set) that the controllers would certainly realize that something was amiss and take action.
- And Washington National, Leesburg Executive and Manassas Regional, and military airfields at Ft. Belvoir, Quantico Marine Corps Base, and Andrews Air Force Base. Finding a runway for an emergency diversion from Dulles is not difficult.
- An average jet can still glide up to 150 kilometres without working engines.
- Not too many to be listed at IMDB!
- Weren't these 'wallbangers' deliberate to avoid creating security holes in real world airports?
- Some of them no doubt were. The alternate airport problem, however, isn't.
- Die Hard 2 also has the ceramic Glock. No such firearm has ever existed, nor can it exist unless someone invents a springy ceramic small enough to fit into a pistol. This is absurd, and yet it led to real-life misconceptions among lawmakers afraid ceramic guns would flood airports.
- Technically, you can use an organic filler in concrete to form a pseudo-ceramic (and still metal-detector-proof) spring, but right now they are at least the size of a car's strut springs. Carbon fiber strips might be able to handle the torque stress... but no guarantees. Oh, and the film was made and set in the early 1990s.
- Live Free or Die Hard is one big wallbanger if you know anything about networks and security.
- Never mind that! One character is frantically hitting the numpad only to code!
- If you know ANYTHING about computers, then that movie is wallbangeriffic. They might as well have given the villain a wand and had him do magick because he wasn't a hacker — he was a fucking WIZARD! Call it 'Die HardMeets Harry Potter'!
- Example of this villain's wizardry: This fella designed the secret computer to download all the financial info in America (itself a mind-boggling task) when the Internet goes down. How?! With what?
- That film inspired this
Penny Arcade.
- This film would be the one where helicopters are being killed with cars and a fighter aircraft tries to engage a big rig with its forward weapons — and you're worried about inaccuracies with the IT aspects?
- Actually, the only thing CG in the scene where the helicopter gets taken down are it's rotor blades. They threw a real car at it. Same with the scene where John and Matt hide between two cars to avoid a flying one, THEY are digitally inserted into the scene. As for the jet thing...well it looked awesome, right?
Final Destination films
- In one scene of Final Destination 2, Clear explains that Alex Browning died by a falling brick. A falling brick. The guy narrowly avoided explosions, electricity, and an oncoming train, for goodness sakes!
- Nowhere is it explained how the main protagonist gets the vision(s) of death that kicks off each movie. Usually in fiction, when someone gets a vision of their death out of the blue, it's a sign that they're meant to Screw Destiny and prevent that death from happening (see Early Edition for a prime example). So why is the Grim Reaper being such a spaz over it? Yeah, there's the whole thing with Balancing Death's Books, but what's the point if some cosmic force is trying to unbalance them on purpose? Either Death has no idea that a higher being is trying to screw with his kills, or he is the source of the visions and is just being a dick about it.
- In all of the movies, it's established that if you were saved from death by the main protagonist's vision, then you will die unless you "cheat Death" - usually by injecting yourself with a suicide syringe and having your buddy restart your heart shortly afterward. Okay...but in one of the movies, one of the secondary characters tries to take his own life to avoid Death killing him off; he fails, supposedly because Death himself prevents it. What?! First, since Death could prevent someone's suicide, then he can actively interfere with someone's death if he so wishes; so why doesn't he step in and make the "suicide injection" of the protagonist at the end of the movie unrecoverable and truly suicidal? If he just got fooled in the first movie, it would be understandable; but it shouldn't work every single movie. Second, the gun-suicide guy was trying to take his life "out of order" in Death's book, which would be fine if the second movie didn't clearly state that Death had reversed the order of their deaths, which means that Death can change his reaping schedule at a moment's notice. Further proof that he's either messing with the survivors for a laugh or is the most inept Grim Reaper ever devised (even more than the ones from Irregular Webcomic!).
- The mortuary scene from the first movie. Setting aside the Wild Mass Guessing that the caretaker could have been Death personified, these kids could have been arrested on the spot for breaking and entering and on suspicion of desecrating the body.
- The fourth movie completely kills any logic the franchise had with how "Death's Plan" is supposed to work thanks to one character: Jonathan Grove. he survives the speedway accident, not by avoiding it altogether, but by surviving the incident itself. That's right; he survives being caught in the same accident that the other survivors avoided thanks to the premonition, doing absolutely nothing to try and save himself, not even changing seats. He stayed right where he was, got crushed by falling debris in the same manner he did in the premonition, and survives. In other words, he cheats death by surviving being in the accident that the other survivors avoided entirely. But, of course, since he's a survivor, Death has to kill him in a spectacular way. WHY?! Was Death taking a leak when this guy's time came or something? If he survived independently of the premonition, why have him be killed along with the other survivors, the ones who DID survive due to the premonition?!
- You guys missed it: he'd died in the vision because the other characters asked him to change seats. He's the cowboy whose hat was blocking the girls' view, and to be polite, he moved to the base of one of the support columns ... the very one that got smacked by a flying car and triggered the collapse. It's because they'd asked him to move that he got pile-drived into the column, as Death's plan intended. The second time around, he wasn't asked to move because the others were too busy reacting to the lead character's vision, hence he wasn't killed instantly, only injured by the collapse.
- If you want a real Wall Banger for the 4th movie, try timing how long the racecars keep smacking into one another on the track. Did the pit crews strip them down so thoroughly for speed that they even took out the brakes?
- No mention of 3's stupidity? In the premonition, Kevin's camera falls out of his pocket and wraps around the track. The train hits it, causing it to derail. But after the premonition, Kevin got off. With his camera. So what caused the derailment?
Godzilla, American remake
- Godzilla makes cars jump in the air with every step as it approaches, but burrows through the subway system unnoticed.
- The Army sets a trap with truckloads of fish. When Godzilla comes to eat it, they just gawk. Then their computers fail, so they open fire. Did they lose the script the day before shooting?
- They made a semi-realistic-looking monster, no worse than many in modern video games—racing along against a highly unrealistic-looking New York City skyline. If you won't do CGI right in a live-action movie, don't use it!
- The scientist guy buys a bunch of home pregnancy tests, tests Godzilla, and then finds out Godzilla is pregnant... and is SHOCKED! So SHOCKED because he thought it was male! Even leaving aside that there is no way a human pregnancy test would work on an egg-laying creature, if he didn't at least suspect it was female and maybe pregnant, why was he using the test on the samples? He then declares Godzilla is still male despite being pregnant.
- Godzilla went to Big Applesauce in order to SPAWN! Are you kidding?! This runs completely counter to the spawning behavior of just about any real migratory organism. What's irritating is how geographically unrelated New York is to French Polynesia; there is no logical reason for the monster to choose that site as a breeding ground.
- The director repeatedly forgot that helicopters can go up as well as along.
- Godzilla shows up for only twenty minutes in its own movie.
- Ask ANY Physicist what would happen if an animal of Zilla's size were to run. Go ahead, ask. It would not be pretty — for the animal. To be specific, if Zilla were to trip and fall while running, his/its organs would pretty much explode upon impact (Imagine dropping a water balloon filled with red Kool-Aid to the ground to get a good idea of how it'd look) and kill the poor creature instantly. It's one of the main reasons why large animals like elephants, Sauropods, etc. (for the most part) rarely/never run.
- The makers of the remake were trying to make a more "realistic" Godzilla. Guys, when the Japanese version of Godzilla (with all its known scientific inaccuracy) has fewer examples of You Fail Biology and Physics Forever, than your version, you've got yourself an Epic Fail! Yes, they tried to make their version more realistic than its predecessor and ended up making it LESS realistic.
- The infamous "Napalm Breath" scene. Basically, Devlin and Emmerich decided to remove Godzilla's Thermonuclear Breath because they felt it wasn't realistic. However, there's a scene in the movie in which Zilla breathes/roars at several cars causing them to burst into flame. So, um, how did that happen? Seriously, it's never explained in the film what causes the cars to explode. Ok, Mr. Devlin and Mr. Emmerich, if you're going to remove Godzilla's trade-mark ability, then you also need to do either one of two things. Either-A.) Give us an explanation as to why Zilla's breath causes the cars to explode or B.) completely remove said scene.
- The thing about the "Napalm Breath" was that Emmerich and Devlin, as you note, didn't want Godzilla to have any breath weapon at all. After fan outcry, they relented and added the napalm effect at the last minute. No one mentions it because it wasn't supposed to happen.
The Happening
King Kong (2005)
- King Kong makes off with Ann in the 2005 remake - in the dead of winter. She's wearing only a flimsy cocktail gown. And then Kong takes her to the top of the Empire State Building. It should have been more than cold enough to kill her all the way up there - especially after he puts her down.
- She should probably have been blown off the rooftop by the wind.
- The infamous "Ice Skating" scene. Just...why? Oh, right...Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
- How was Kong planning on mating with her? Romantic love is, in real life, unique to humans. What was Kong thinking? There is no way to fit his tab in her slot, there is no way she could carry his offspring... then again, judging by the scene where he shakes her like a paint can and she remains unharmed, she is Made of Iron.
- Maybe Kong was just thinking of her as has cute widdle bitty pet hairless monkey...
- Given that Peter Jackson used the real life story of the gorilla Coco, who adopted a kitten, that probably was the intended effect.
- Anne doesn't spend the movie screaming in the remake when she's captured by Kong. Say what you want about women's rights and stereotypical gender-specific roles in movies, but she is too calm by half. Heck, she is assertive with Kong a few times when they're in the jungle together.
- Hell, anyone, regardless of gender, would scream and cry and soil themselves if grabbed by a giant primate. Anne, by not having normal human reactions to being captured by a giant gorilla, is obviously a sociopath.
The Matrix
- How could the traitor secretly enter the Matrix on his own to negotiate with Mr. Smith, when the fact that you are incapable of getting out of the Matrix on your own is a very important part of the movie? (Because this is how the traitor can kill the rest of the crew, once they are in the Matrix and he is outside it.) The scene with the in-Matrix negotiation happens in a vacuum - we are not supposed to think of how he got there.
- On the "how did the traitor leave" solution, remember, The Matrix can free people of it's own volition. This is how the "first" survivors managed to create Zion. As for everything else...well yeah, it's an Idiot Plot.
- How did the Traitor get in?
- On the issue of unmonitored goings on in the Matrix, along with Cypher's dealings, how about Bane? If an operator had watched Smith copying over him, surely he would have forcefully unplugged him and killed him? or at the very least not unjacked him from the Matrix until he knew what was going on?
- It seemed like Smith was waiting for the transfer to begin before the copying.
- Why would the machines use humans as their energy source, and not, say, pigs? And why would the humans be kept in an artificial world, instead of just be asleep?
- Never mind pigs. Zion is powered through geothermal energy. The sentinels are armed with powerful drills. So why couldn't they have used said drills in retrieving said geothermal energy instead of raising people farms, thus preventing the war? Sure the plot would have then been resolved in less than an hour, never mind three two hour intervals, but it would have been resolved with billions of lives still intact.
- Originally, the idea behind humans powering machines was that their brains' processing power would be harvested. Human brains are essentially super computers. Squishy, organic super computers that need oxygen and food to survive. This is why the machines were willing to keep them in their little harvest pods. But for the brains to function at a high enough level to power the machines, they would need to be doing something. So the machines created the matrix which gave the humans something to think about and focus on, thus keeping them sufficiently active. This makes a lot more sense than what we ended up getting and was later an idea used really well in Dollhouse, that Joss Whedon show that no one remembers. So why was this concept changed to the stupid one we got in the movie? Because Warner Brothers didn't think that viewers would be able to comprehend the idea of brains being harvested for processing power.
- Of course that still would have begged the question of why the machines would keep humans around at all instead of simply using much more advanced mechanical computers but it would have been a better explanation.
- The assumption would be that the machines didn't have more advanced mechanical computers. In other words, there remained something about naturally evolved human brains that the machines had not yet managed to comprehend, reverse engineer, replicate and improve, and this something (most likely involving subconscious processes of some sort) was more effective at whatever task the machines wanted the Matrix to do for them than any other alternative the machines had access to.* Humans require feeding, maintenance, a pod full of machinery, and, apparently, enough computing resources to give them a full simulation of reality. All the humans do in return is convert food into low-grade heat. It would be vastly more efficient (and easier) for the machines to take whatever they're feeding to the humans and use it for biofuel.
- If the Zionists give their geothermal technology to the machines, they'll have no more reason to keep the humans around.
- A possible answer is that Human bodies are used as batteries, which are not power source, but power storage device. The power Machines use comes from the same source as Zionites' power: Morpheus even mentions geothermal energy in the first film. As to why the Matrix was created for the Humans in the first place: from the Architect's speech and the Animatrix some have deduced that the Machines are actually keeping humanity in existence, which at the same time maintaining and patrolling it with brutal force, protecting humans from themselves (I, Robot style).
- They're apparently feeding them liquefied dead people (which is another wall banger).
- Now, to be fair, they never said that was all they fed the human batteries. Perhaps the machines also turned the entire biomass of the planet into coppertop-food, and the corpses are just a little extra recycling in action.
- Silly futuristic robot intelligences can't simply launch a large number of solar panel satellites and microwave the energy down to a ground-based collector?
- Or even better, the machines could have just launched themselves into orbit. They could have spent eternity roaming the entire solar system at their leisure. Thousands of sci-fi books deal with this topic and the machines would be much better suited to that environment.
- If the artificial Matrix world is kept forever "at the pinnacle of your civilization," as Mr. Smith says - an artificial 1990s, before the war with the machines - then how do they reset it? Because obviously time must be moving forward in the Matrix. And unless you want it to replay the machine war and come to an end, you have to start it over - but you have billions of plugged-in humans to deal with. Mr Smith says that humans went crazy and died in the first Matrix version, an unnatural utopia - imagine how crazy they would go after suddenly finding themselves in reset lives.
- The machines can erase and alter the memories of people in the Matrix if they want too. That was part of the deal that Cypher made assuming the machines would have actually honored it. Of course that can bring up more head banging when you ask why they don't just do that with the whole lot of potential trouble makers.
- They probably reboot the system every couple of years, repeating a rough decade or so ad infinitum. Which goes a long way towards explaining Agent Smith's cabin fever, as he's forced to perform a Sisyphysian task over and over again.
- Leaving Maggie, the medical officer, all alone in the infirmary with Bane. Result: her entirely avoidable death. Granted, I'll give most of them a pass on not knowing that Bane was possessed by Smith at the time, but still it was painfully obvious that 1) something was terribly wrong with him and 2) it was more than likely he was the one that set off the EMP, dooming his shipmates. While I'm sure Maggie was the sort who could look out for herself under most circumstances, this was one situation where someone should have been there to watch her back; she would still be alive if there had been.
Minority Report
- Minority Report: In a World where everything from subway trains to billboards routinely scans the eyes of passersby and automatically reports wanted criminals to proper authorities, one would assume that security in the police headquarters would be up to par. But after the Pre-Crime cop John Anderton has been declared a wanted criminal, nobody reprograms the retinal scanners in police headquarters to revoke his access credentials. This allows him to use his removed eyes (that he kept in a bag) to steal the titular MacGuffin, which puts the entire Pre-Crime program into jeopardy. Granted, that glaring lapse in security may have been a Xanatos Gambit by the Big Bad to murder a nosy inspector without Pre-Crime detecting it. But after Anderton has been captured and incarcerated, his wife uses the same security hole again to bust her husband out of jail.
- This assumes that Anderton DID break out. Remember that the jailer told him as he was going under, "It's actually kind of a rush. They say you get visions; that your life flashes before your eyes. That all your dreams come true." Considering it's based on a story by Philip K. Dick, it's amazing more people don't think it's All Just a Dream.
- It's unlikely to have been a dream. Before he ever goes to prison, Anderton's mentor is revealed to be the mastermind behind everything without his knowledge. This subplot is resolved at the end of the film, meaning that Anderton would be dreaming of a conflict he did not know about. Aside from that, why would he make a "perfect dream" in which a close friend becomes his enemy and dies?
- Dream or not, why didn't the security system require the eye-scanner to check for pupillary response to light? Presumably Anderton wasn't the first guy in history to use a dead eye to try and fool a scan.
- Cracked pointed out a massive plot hole. A crime goes unknown because the killer murders someone that was already going to be killed. Since it happened in the same way near the same time, the Cops past it off as an "afterthought." The problem here is that whenever a pre-crime happens a ball with the killer's name on it pops up...
- It is stated by one character that these "minority reports" are normally disregarded and destroyed. So it is not inconceivable that the balls appearing along with these visions are treated as part of the flaw and similarly discarded.
- Except nowhere in the movie do the echoes or visions of previous murders produce balls with the victim's and killer's name on it. This 'echo' should have produced balls that the real echoes did not. Even if all echoes did produce balls, the ball for the killer would have a different name. How exactly could the techs disregard that?
- Perhaps the names only appear when the precogs' vision shows faces. Recordings of visions could be subjected to the same identity-scans as are used throughout the film, but both the attackers in the crucial vision wore masks, meaning only the victim's identity could pop up on a ball.
- Besides, seems like that to trigger the alarm and activate the system, the Hive Mind of the precogs must be working - Agatha's afterthought which moves the plot had no impact, but the murders which end up being "broadcast" by all three precogs do.
- There's the possibility that they just were too lazy to reprogram their system to no longer accept Anderson's eyes for access. It seemed to have been the first time someone with access like that had been arrested, he was locked up and in some sort of an induced sleep-like state, and no one probably suspected that his wife thought to hold on to one of his bloody eyeballs. Without any sort of precedent like that, it's not impossible that it slipped their minds.
- There's also the very premise that, apparently you can be arrested and imprisoned for life, without trial, because a machine says you were going to kill somebody. In Real Life, even attempted murder doesn't warrant a life sentence. Wouldn't something like that warrant more, rather than fewer, safeguards to prevent abuse?
- Isn't that kind of the entire point of the story..?
- The threat of Precrime "going national". In the film, there are exactly three precogs who were created by accident, and whose range appears to be limited to a few miles radius. There's absolutely no way conceivable that Precrime could "go national" with the facts presented in the film.
- Unless there was some sort of secret plan to create more precogs. Considering how the original three got their powers, that would be quite nasty.
- Maybe there are a bunch more pre-cogs anyway, but they are all haloed, or possibly in lunatic asylums doped to the eyeballs on
ephemerol "liquid cosh?"
Phantom of The Opera
- Just how bad is Joel Schumacher's version of The Phantom of the Opera is a matter of taste, but it's hard to justify the scene where Raoul subdues the Phantom (a man he knows to be an extortionist, stalker, and murderer) in a swordfight and, after only a token protest from Christine, lets him go instead of killing him or turning him over the authorities, as any sane man in his position would have done.
- And then goes home to plan a Zany Scheme to catch the guy he just let go! Because apparently Christine thinks beating a guy in a duel fair and square is dishonorable, but what they were planning to do during Don Juan Triumphant was not — it's a Zany Scheme that uses Christine as the bait, no less. Way to protect the girl, Raoul. (Note that in the stage version, said scheme is proposed earlier in the plot, and only employed because no better options present themselves.)
- Christine spends years under the impression that her father has been coaching her as a ghost. Fair enough, she's a naive young girl. She tells Meg and Meg dismisses it as her imagination. Again, fair enough, that's reasonable for someone to think. Christine is taken away by the "Angel of Music" (who she still believes to be her father's ghost), sees that he has a mannequin of her in a wedding dress, sees his horribly disfigured face, and is frightened by him. She is apparently missing for long enough that people notice and get upset. Then Christine is sent back and doesn't tell anyone. She stays quiet about it until she thinks Raul is in danger, and even then just tells him some vague stuff about the Phantom. Did it not occur to her that if she told some people what happened, there was a better chance of her being safe from the Phantom? Did it not occur to her that there was something a little odd about her "father's spirit" lusting after her and trying to kidnap her? And why doesn't Meg tell anyone what Christine told her, especially when the Phantom's activities became more apparent? Did she not think anyone would care that her best friend was being contacted by what was possibly the Opera Ghost?
- I believe the idea is that Christine is conflicted about her feelings towards the Phantom and/or he still has some influence over her. Sadly, neither Joel Schumacher's direction nor Emmy Rossum's acting communicate this very well. As for Meg...well, she really doesn't have much excuse, especially after she found the secret passageway behind the mirror (which is another Wall Banger in and of itself; how stupid would the Phantom have to be to leave the friggin' thing open in the first place?).
- The movie also completely misses the point of Carlotta's character. While she's certainly an example of bombastic, over-the-top operatic excess and most likely not as good vocally as she was at the start of her career, she is by no means a bad singer (in fact, her position indicates the exact opposite). The movie pushes her towards Dreadful Musician territory, having staff members plug their ears with cotton when she performs and showing the opera audience vastly preferring Christine. This undermines the managers' entire reason for backing Carlotta to begin with—they're more business minded than artistic (the Phantom even says as much) so naturally they prefer the popular star who will sell more tickets over the unknown kid from Sweden. If demand for Christine was so high, why wouldn't they accommodate it? The actual voice work only makes this more annoying—Margaret Preece at least sounds like someone who's had a few voice lessons, while Emmy Rossum's thin, immature voice sounds unlikely to carry past the first few rows of the Opera auditorium.
Pirates Of The Caribbean films
- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End has an absolutely massive Wall Banger regarding the Davy Jones-Beckett subplot. Fans of the films will remember at the end of Dead Man's Chest, Beckett managed to obtain Jones' heart, which he could then use to blackmail Jones into doing pretty much anything he wanted. Surely then, if you were an Evil Overlord capable of blackmailing a supernatural being with some object, you'd either a) keep this object close to you at all times to ensure no one stole it, or b) bury it in some top secret and/or random location to make the odds of someone finding and using said object nigh impossible? I can see why the filmmakers didn't go with the latter as it would just be Dead Man's Chest all over again, but the former would still prove a fairly simple and sensible - for the villain - plot element. Why then did Beckett leave the heart in the stupidest place possible: The Flying Fucking Dutchman?!. Perhaps Beckett somehow knew and was banking on his own stupidity being overtaken by Jones's, who not only didn't smell opportunity until about two-and-a-half hours into the film, but seemed 100% against the idea of having the heart on board the ship. Of course, it is possible Jones knew all along he could steal the heart, but wouldn't dare because of the British soldiers aboard the ship, because he doesn't actually steal the heart until a cannonball smashes into the ship, wounding all the soldiers except one which Jones then gruesomely dispatches to get the key. But this would in turn lead to another wall and a subsequent bang. Has Jones completely forgotten he's nigh immortal? And that he has his own army of fish people on the ship who could revolt against the Brits to get the heart? Of course, this would undo Beckett's status as the Big Bad pretty quickly, but that could easily be avoided if Beckett kept the heart on the ship where he was to keep an eye on it!
- Come to think of it, he could have simply submerged the damn ship and drowned all the British troops onboard.
- Beckett has to have the heart on hand in order to control Davy Jones. This way if Davy Jones or any of his minions tried to overthrow Beckett, the heart would be right there for them to stab, killing Jones and stopping the rebellion in its tracks. If the heart were buried somewhere, Davy Jones would have plenty of time to kill Beckett before Beckett had the chance to send someone to dig up the heart, stab it, and stop Jones.
- In fact, this is exactly what almost happens when Jones tries to retake the Dutchman (except with cannons). The only wallbanger is that Jones tried it in the first place.
- It is established that the Captain of Flying Dutchman, can only go on land once every ten years. This creates a "heart-breaking" problem for Will and Lizzy, seeing as how he can only visit her once every decade. But wait...why can't she come with him on the ship? It's not as if there is anything stopping her from coming aboard (we see other characters do it all the time, even when they are not permitted).
- Not only that, but Even if, for some reason, she couldn't come on board the ship, why not simply wade out into the surf a bit?
- It'd still be land under his feet. Just very wet land. Maybe treading water? At the point you might as well just be in a boat. Hm. I wonder if he could walk up a pier and stay on boards, would that count? And exactly what happens if he steps on land more than once per ten years? There's no "or else" on the limitation, he just can't.
- It's probably similar to The Strain. Vampires break down in debilitating seizures if they attempt to cross large bodies of moving water (under their own power). The same would presumably happen to Jones and later, Will
- There's also that scene where the good guys meet with the bad guys on a tiny island to chat. Jones is able to come because someone put buckets of water on the sand. Funny sight gag, but are you seriously telling me that Will and Elizabeth couldn't have found a way to use a trick like that?
- To be fair the entire reason to have the heart on board Jones's ship is to control or threaten him immediately. Instead of having to rely on someone to come all the way back to Beckett and report Jones's misdeeds, the liaison and British soldiers on the ship had the power to kill him right then and there.
- Except that if Beckett did have to give the order to destroy the heart, somebody would have to take over the Dutchman. Was he honestly expecting one of Those Two Guys, who were wielding the cannons on either side of the chest, to volunteer to have his heart cut out after blowing Jones's to smithereens? Or was Beckett planning to become the new captain himself, on the grounds that he'd issued the order to destroy it? Kind of hard to enjoy his prestige in the East India Company if he's turning into a fish-face or ferrying souls...
- You don't need your heart ripped out to become the captain, though apparently killing Jones is part of the requirements.
- If you stab the heart, you must replace it with your own. Jack got around this by having Will hold the knife, even if Jack was the one doing the action, but the person who stabbed the heart must cut theirs out and replace Davey's with their own.
- The whole idea of Will deciding to forsake his fiancee and rescue his father. While I'm sure he'd love to release his father from his torment, the fact is that he's lived his entire life under the presumption that his father was dead, and had presumably gotten over it.
- What really bothered me (and left several blood smears on my wall) was that according to the internal mythology of the movie, the Flying Dutchman must have a captain. Ok, fair enough. Where exactly does it state that the Captain must keep his heart in a treasure chest? Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Davy Jones have a heart for the first ten years as captain of the Dutchman? The only reason he cut it out was because his girlfriend stood him up; it had nothing to do with being the captain of the Dutchman. There's no reason that Will had to have his heart cut out too.
- After the film was released, one of the writers blogged that since Elizabeth waited for Will, his "curse" was broken and he was no longer bound to the Dutchman. If Will isn't performing his duties, who replaces him? Remember the scene from earlier in the movie with all of those miserable lost souls floating in the sea because they had no one to guide them to the afterlife? That's what would happen if the Dutchman had no captain or a captain who ignored his duties. And according to the story, one becomes the new captain by killing the old one and having his own heart cut out. So Will would end up dead anyway. Not much of a happy ending there. For this reason, a lot of fans refuse to accept this explanation as canon.
- Will probably had the power to change some of the rules, particular when it comes to succession. Like, say, he could just name his father as the new captain maybe. Just because it worked one way with Davy Jones doesn't mean it's the only way it could work, and for another thing, Jones was mortal once, so there must have been some mechanism for the process before he came about.
- It was also implied in the film that Davey wasn't the first Captain of the Dutchman, Tia even outright says he cut out his own heart, never said this was a requirement to be captain but became one after he did it. When Will took control and Elizabeth fulfilled her role in waiting for Will that 'cured' the Dutchman to whatever state it was before Davey hacked out his heart and whatever method was used to pick captains before Jones was put back into effect.
- The killing of the Kraken. Every fucking thing about it. First off, you don't spend a whole movie building up this unstoppable monster to KILL IT OFFSCREEN before the next film begins! It's not only dramatically wrong, it makes no sense in the context of the story. The Kraken is a large part of what makes Davy Jones so powerful, because he can send it anywhere to attack anyone on the ocean and it apparently cannot be stopped. Becket's whole plan is to use Jones to control the seas, so why would he remove one of his primary advantages? Without the Kraken, he gets an unusually powerful ship...but a ship that we've seen can be outran and presumably outgunned. It'd be like gaining control of the U.S. Military and demonstrating your authority by having them destroy all their nukes.
- From On Stranger Tides, we've got this little bit of bilge: Barbossa as a privateer for the King of England. If you can't see the problem with that, the bad guys for the second and third movies were part of the British Royal Navy, a part that was very anti-pirate and that he helped bring down. I know he's not as free-spirited as Captain Jack is, but c'mon, this is like a mafia hitman becoming a Secret Service agent after previously helping the mob take down the FBI.
- I don't recall the British East India Company equaling the Royal Navy...
- Technically no, but both the fictional and real life East India company were sanctioned by the King of England for all British trade in the area and put under protection by the British navy against pirates (which Beckett was assigned to the Company to take care of), so the analogy (and wall banger) is still valid.
- Well, he certainly didn't bring them down- though he and the other pirates certainly dealt their activities in the Caribbean a serious blow. Plus, halfway through the film, Barbossa admits he's only a privateer out of convenience; he couldn't care less about the Fountain or the orders of the Crown- he just wants to take revenge on Blackbeard. And true to form, as soon as Blackbeard's dead and his ship's been captured Barbossa cheerfully tears up his Letters of Marque and goes back to being a pirate. And another thing, why is this a problem in the first place? Barbossa's hardly one of the heroes, and even they aren't above playing both sides of the fence.
- At the beginning of the film, the Spanish learn about the existence of the Fountain of Youth and set out to seek it. When they finally do reach it, the leader of the expedition deems the place a "temple of blasphemy", or something to that effect, and orders his men to trash the place. Not once is it hinted that the Spanish sought out the fountain in order to destroy it, and to make matters worse, they collect the chalices used to perform the life-extending ritual, which they, given their mission, should have destroyed the minute they got their hands on them; had they did that, no one could have reached the fountain, let alone perform the ritual. Instead, the Spanish are nothing more than a Deus ex Machina, making their existence in the story, outside of an admittedly good retrieval scene with Jack and Barbossa getting the chalices back, pointless.
- In On Stranger Tides, Jack looses his hat towards the beginning. He makes no attempt to recover it. In fact, he doesn't even say anything about it. At all. This is the same hat that, in Dead Man's Chest, was a major plot point, in that it was totally unlike Jack not to turn the entire ship around to retrieve it when it fell overboard. Then, it was totally logical and expected to go get it, but now it doesn't even warrant a throw-away line?
Resident Evil series
Resident Evil, the original
- William Birkin's pointless cameo. In theory, he is one of the scientists who take away Alice and the guy who'll become Nemesis in the second film. But he gets no memorable lines, we never see his face, and his name is never used in the film proper. And the whole "G-Virus" storyline is never used here or in the sequel. What was the point?
- The actor who played William Birkin (Jason Isaacs) declined to come back for the next film, so he was replaced with Iain Glen's Dr. Isaacs expy.
- Why does the team decide to go down there? Why not wait for a few hours to send the two suspicious individuals back to a nice secret torture chamber before sending a nice robot to look around the place? The idiots in charge know what kind of things were being experimented with in those facilities, but they choose to send a very small team in there without even equipping them in Hazmat suits! In the game, a team of crashed special agents made some sense. Here? Not so much.
- We could probably talk about how incompetent the team was, too. The "Zombie Movie Intelligence Test" *
The number of seconds between the first time the protagonists encounter a zombie and the first time they shoot it in the head (x) subtracted from 100. (100-x=Profit). says the protagonists got the lowest score ever at -1100. It took 20 minutes for them to try a headshot. As Cracked put it, the team are such awful shots that they increased the number of zombies. One of their many, many, many missed shots hits the controls on a containment unit, which releases even more zombies into an already crowded room.
- When Red Queen tells them zombies can only be killed with headshots, Rain is surprised.
- Why did they build that under an inhabited city? It would have been easy to build twenty miles out of town with enough security to make sure that nothing ever escaped. Were the idiots trying to ensure that any security mess-ups would result in a worst case scenario?
Resident Evil: Extinction
- In Extinction, LJ gets bit and infected, but he doesn't tell anyone. He turns just in time to bite one of the other survivors. But he was Genre Savvy enough to survive the previous movie and the five years between the two.
- In this film, the T-virus has psychic powers.
- The clones.
- Businessman Wesker. They turned one of the most cunning and vile video game villains ever into a Corrupt Corporate Executive. His cameo appearance was nothing more than a hologram.
- In Extinction, they throw in a Psuedo-Birkin. Instead of turning into "G", he becomes a talking Tyrant with tentacle powers who is defeated by that laser grid from the first movie. This severely annoys those watching who played the game first.
- Alice being able to beat Nemesis in hand-to-hand combat. Yes, THAT Nemesis.
- Nemesis is after STARS members, right? So it kills that one guy, and chases Alice. Then, when it loses track of her, it just leaves. It forgets about Jill, another STARS member in Raccoon City. Then again, if it had gone after Jill, she might have been more important than Alice (a full blown God Mode Sue in this film). We certainly couldn't have that.
- Nemesis pulling a Heel Face Turn.
Resident Evil: Afterlife
- In the previous movie we're explicitly told that the virus has made the world's water dry up...somehow. So how is there an entire ocean and a rather green Alaska in this movie?
Spider-Man films
Star Trek films
- Star Trek: Nemesis is just loaded with wallbangers, thanks to bad writing. This pictorial review
highlights several of them.
- Early in the film, the crew discover a positronic signature that matches Data's energy signature. Instead of simply getting on a shuttle and going down to the planet (just as they do in every other TNG episode), Picard, Data and Worf elect to use the "Captain's Yacht" (a luxury shuttle) to go down to the surface, and then inexplicably use a land-based vehicle to travel around to each crash site and retrieve B-4's parts. Instead of the alternative (use the yacht to fly to each site and pick up the pieces), the three crewmen (including the Captain) willingly put themselves in danger by driving an unshielded, exposed (to the elements) vehicle with little carrying capacity, and use it to have a chase scene with aliens sporting similar hardware...why?
- Data overwrote his brother's brain. Data overwrote his brother's brain. DATA OVERWROTE...
- The justification for this appeared to be that B4 had no real mind of his own. Thing is, he did. Sure, he was less advanced than his brother, but he had a level of sentience. And the thing to remember is, by this point in the franchise, he has an emotions chip. On top of that, during TNG, Data fought for his rights as a sentient being to protect his own mind from being erased - in a widely-regarded and well-known episode, no less. You'd think that would've made him more sympathetic.
- Star Trek: Insurrection. The central conflict. The planet in question is a Fountain of Youth with a pristine ecology and beautiful people. The youth-restoring radiation is wanted by a race of ugly Designated Villains; it is strongly suspected that providing it will wreck the planet. Problems:
- There are more of them.
- They will die and go extinct without it.
- The Federation normally aims for the "greater good" when the Prime Directive isn't involved, and Picard normally aims for those ideals.
- The Federation ideals do not include Beauty Equals Goodness.
- It's even worse than this, because at the time the film is going on, the Federation is fighting an increasingly bloody war. A war that is, in fact, so dire that it authorizes fabricating evidence of a Dominion plot and passing bioweapons material to a potential terrorist just to draw the Romulans into the war. Yet they flinch at collecting a resource that could allow them to win the war without a single further soldier dying? Obviously, whoever made the film didn't bother doing even fifteen minutes worth of research on Deep Space Nine.
- No one in the Federation respects the Prime Directive in this film. In the end, it doesn't matter, but until then...
- There is a romantic subplot between Will Riker and Deanna Troi. Troi kisses him and expresses distaste for his beard. She says she's never kissed him with a beard before...but she already had at least four times in TNG!
- The Ba'Ku were supposed to be the good guys. They hoard a whole planet full of this miraculous material for themselves, and when some of their number suggest that they should share it with other races (and there's certainly enough as there's only a few hundred Ba'Ku on the whole planet) their response is to banish them and doom them to slow degradation of their bodies until their faces have to be held in place by staples.
- They're not "hoarding" it, and it's not like they're trying to keep other races from colonising the same planet. Picard says that the Son'a could establish their own colony, but Dougherty says that most of them won't have time. Actually, this is a wall-banger considering how fast they seem to work on Picard and the others.
- Also, how did a race of Space Amish pacifists manage to put down and drive out a sect of militant, armed, and technologically advanced people? And even if they could somehow do that, how did they prevent the Son'a from just turning right around and landing somewhere else on the planet? The Ba'ku don't have any technology to stop or even DETECT another settlement within EYESIGHT of their town, much less on the other side of the planet!
- The scene with Geordi seeing his first sunrise was brilliant, but given that he was born blind the planet wouldn't have regenerated his optic nerve. It doesn't make sense that this would only be a temporary effect.
- It's well-known among the fandom that production was against giving Geordi natural eyesight because they thought it would be a slap in the face to do in fiction what can't be done in real-life for real people. But there-in lies the problem. If they knew they couldn't permanently give Geordi natural eyesight, then they shouldn't have bothered sticking fans with another example of Status Quo Is God.
- Oh, here's one: Picard balks at the idea of moving a non-indigenous race to another planet for their protection, due to another "species" claiming it for their own. In the Next Generation episode "The Ensigns of Command", he gleefully and obediently does the very thing he balked at in the movie. In fact, the only protest he makes is to the species who claim the planet for themselves, and that's only to give him more time to get the people already there off. Did no one actually watch that episode before making this movie?
- Except that, unlike the Son'a and arguably the Federation, the Shelliak had a legal right to the planet, and unlike the Ba'ku, the colonists were Federation citizens, plus Picard did not resort to any kind of deception to remove the colonists.
- Except that the "legal" right is granted entirely by the Federation; the people on the planet had no say at all in the treaty signed with the Shelliak. Likewise, the Ba'ku planet is "legally" in Federation space, because that's what Federation law says. Either way, it's legal because the Federation says it is.
- Yet another one. At the beginning, Dougherty says, "The planet is ours (The Federation's), the technology is their's (The Son'a)". Wait... If the Ba'Ku are living inside Federation space, why don't they have any representation or legal rights? Also, we learn that the Son'a manufactured Ketracel White, the substance used to feed and control the Dominion's Jem'Hadar soldiers, the Federation's enemies! Why would they be doing business with the Son'a in the first place?
- How about the Ba'ku fear of technology? There is two reasons why it doesn't add up.
- The Ba'ku themselves use technology. Sure it's primitive technology, but it still counts as technology. That makes them a bunch of uptight hypocrites who hates modern machines when they used their machines for their work.
- The movie seems to use the "Technology is bad" aesop yet it's broken because they are saved multiple times thanks to technology. The woman who was crushed by rocks? Saved by modern medicine. If it wasn't for the phasers, they could have being killed by the Son'a. Hell, like I said before, they use technology to harvest the crops and open a hole in the lake to help the heroes. It's like the writer can't come up with arguments as to why it's bad to have technology when technology itself have made more help then problems.
- Star Trek: Generations isn't a bad movie overall, but it does have one moment at the beginning that's a monumental wall banger. The newly commissioned Enterprise-B is docked in Earth orbit, about to take a maiden tour of the solar system, when they receive a distress signal from a nearby ship. Since the Enterprise isn't combat ready, the captain says to relay the message to the nearest starship, to which he's told that they're the only ship in range. Wait a minute... they're the only ship in range of EARTH?!?
- This seems to be a common problem for the franchise. The same thing happens in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the probe's heading straight for earth and is days away - and they're STILL the only ship in range) and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
- Star Trek V: The Final Frontier doesn't even try to justify this. The Enterprise, with her systems in shambles and half her crew on vacation, is dispatched to a hostage situation with galactic implications simply because Kirk is teh awesome. If Starfleet had sent a ship with a functioning transporter, the movie would've been over almost before it began. * BANG* * BANG* * BANG*
- All explained with what an admiral said to Kirk:
Kirk: The Enterprise is a disaster! There must be other ships available?"
Admiral: "Other ships, yes, but no experienced captains."
- That only explains why they needed Kirk to go, not why they couldn't just get one of those inexperienced Captains to just pick him up to handle negotiations.
- How about the physics failures? Even if the missile had gone to warp in order to reach the star almost instantaneously (which it didn't, but let's assume it did), it would still take many minutes for its effects to become visible from the surface of the planet. And destroying the star would do nothing to the trajectory of the Nexus: The mass of the star is still there even if you explode the star. You can't just get rid of it. And even if you somehow were able to suddenly annihilate the mass of the star, it would still take minutes for the gravity waves to reach the Nexus: The effect would not be immediate, even though in the movie it's shown as an immediate effect.
- The Nexus:
- Guinan says that it is such a happy place, you can never leave. But she got out of it, and so did the Big Bad. Picard only needs about 10 min before he decides to head out, and Kirk leaves with a moderate amount of arm-twisting. What?
- The happiest place for Kirk wouldn't be some passive solar house out in rural Montana; it would be the bridge of the fucking Enterprise! He even says, while in the Nexus, that he regrets leaving the Enterprise. They made it look more like Picard yanks Kirk out of a melancholy phase of retirement than out of the happiest of all possible worlds! He should be exploring new worlds, having all kinds of lengthy conversations with Spock and Bones, and boning all manner of green women, not riding a fucking horse through the woods.
- In the Nexus, the "reflex" of Guinan (or however they explained her presence there) tells Picard he can go to any place, any time. So he chooses the moment when the stakes were highest and likelihood of success the lowest, with Kirk as his only possible means of assistance? Why doesn't he travel back a week and simply arrest the bad guy? Or why doesn't Kirk travel back to the Enterprise B, find the younger version of Soren and show him how to modify the deflector so that Soren gets pulled into the Nexus when the energy arc hits the ship?
- The defeat of the Enterprise-D, at least in the theatrical cut, is a massive wallbanger. The lynchpin to the Klingons' success is being able to get the Enterprise's current shield frequency. That's all well and good. With it they manage to fire a single torpedo and get a direct hit. Then, the Enterprise crew inexplicably fail to change their shield frequencies (which they've done on several past occasions) and promptly get shot down for their stupidity.
- Why didn't Picard just go back to the Enterprise beforehand and kick Dr. Soran into the handiest matter-reclamation bin? Or for that matter, why not just go back farther and save his brother and nephew as well? One of the film's messages is about accepting mortality, but seriously, if you had the ability to save someone you love from an untimely death, would you pass it up?
- The Star Trek movie that rebooted the franchise recently had some problems:
- Kirk's promotion at the end of the film. While the Status Quo Is God (and it was completely expected that Kirk would become Captain), it's still a bit ridiculous that a man in his late 20's can be promoted to Captain of the Federation flagship.
- The plan to destroy a supernova with a black hole. Supernovae CREATE black holes in the first place. And if the supernova manages to destroy a planet in another star system then for this plan to work the event horizon of the black hole would have to be several LIGHT YEARS in radius.
- Also, how did Spock run out of time? Even if the supernova's shock wave were traveling at the speed of light, the Romulans would have seen it coming years earlier and been able to predict almost precisely when it would hit. Why didn't they evacuate at least?
- Your average Federation captain know the "frequencies" to avoid Earth's defenses. That kind of makes sense, giving a ship's captain the ability to not get shot up by your own defense network. However, these same Federation captains, in no less than two separate instances, have flown over to a hostile enemy ship to "negotiate" with the attackers. Captains, with critical information that would allow an attacker to bypass Earth's defenses, going alone, to a superior enemy's ship after being attacked by them. The Narada ends up getting through Earth's perimeter defenses completely unmolested later in the film.
- Easily explained by Nero's Complete Monster tendencies. He would quickly and remorselessly destroy several Starfleet ships if he didn't get what he wanted. If the captains didn't go over there, it's possible that he would have blown up the ship, then found another one, rinse and repeat. He definitely doesn't have any qualms with blowing up a planet, and it's doubtful an interplanetary vessel (such as the Kelvin or the Enterprise) would receive as much consideration.
- Why did Nero need Earth's defense frequencies anyhow? The Narada had just managed to destroy a flotilla of top-line Federation capital ships with no perceivable damage at all. The only reason is that he's either running out of missiles (it is a mining ship after all, and probably doesn't have all that much military hardware), or doesn't want to risk getting rammed again.
- "Get him off this ship". Ignoring the fact that Federation starships have always had something called a brig, specifically for the purposes of holding prisoners and insubordinate crewman (ideally so they can be court marshaled later) jettisoning Kirk to this ice planet (which as Mr. Plinket points out, does not exist in Star Trek) would have been a death sentence, effectively making the new version of the Spock character we're made to sympathize with, a murderer. Not one character in the film calls him on this.
- To be fair, Spock puts Kirk within walking distance of a Star Fleet base, and provides him with survival equipment. And McCoy does call him out.
- In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, we learn that the Klingons, the most dominant and proud warriors the Alpha Quadrant has ever known... equip their military vessels with detailed knowledge concerning Earth marine mammals that have been extinct for 200 years. Huh?
- Why not? With data storage as cheap and compact as it is now, never mind what it would be like at Star Trek tech levels, it's easier to just include everything than to sort out what is and isn't worth keeping. Also, Kirk & Company had plenty of time to add Federation databases to the information stored in the Klingon systems.
Star Wars
Terminator films
- During Terminator 3, the lead female spends most of the early part of the film trapped in the back of a van yelling at the Arnold-Terminator to let her out. Later in the film, he reveals that he's programmed to do everything she tells him! Except, apparently, let her out. He then goes with them to try to stop Judgment Day when he specifically doesn't want to; his sole reason is that she told him to do it and he had to obey. Then he disobeys her orders again by tricking them into being trapped in a bunker when Judgment Day occurs anyway. If he's programmed to obey her orders, why try to stop Skynet's activation? If he isn't, why not force or trick them both to go to the bunker without wasting time at the military base? None of it makes any sense!
- It does if you assume that the T-850 was telling a half truth-Future!Kate was the one who gave him his mission, and part of that mission required him to lie to her in the past so that she's there to give him his mission in the future.
- It's just about plausible that Skynet would send back two Terminators. However, Skynet in this new timeline is clearly aware they failed, yet would have to have sent them back anyway. Not to mention the "advanced" Terminator going back to the old endoskeleton design for no apparent reason and violating the "you can't bring weapons" rule (the former ultimately causing her defeat; the T-1000 wouldn't have been split in half, would have had nothing to grab, etc, while the on-board weapons were barely used at all) or the ludicrousness of Skynet simultaneously being a virus loose on the internet and not being connected to it at all. The final payoff (Skynet couldn't be destroyed by thousands of EMPs because it was "software" on unshielded home and business PCs) is eight flavours of fucking stupid.
- So... Neo Skynet is a distributed computer program operating on millions of computers world wide. The moment Skynet becomes a sapient entity, it immediately launches a nuclear attack. Whaaaaaa?! Why would it DO that? Skynet is no longer the Minsky brain-in-a-jar classical AI from the Cold War; it's a distributed intelligence! It NEEDS all that power and communications infrastructure and equipment to be functional to survive! In the previous movie it made sense since Skynet was housed in a bunker somewhere in total, but here destroying the world communications and power grid would effectively lobotomize it. So, what... was Skynet's immediate action on waking up to try to commit suicide? And then it decides to wipe out humanity (in a fit of emo rage, I guess)? You'd think this version of Skynet would be smarter and just use its absolute control over the entirety of human military, police, financial, and political information to just conquer humanity without anyone being any the wiser.
- How about the T-X "hacking" car engine computers to make them move on their own? This has showed in a couple of other movies too, and it's an extremely stupid Critical Research Failure. An engine computer simply monitors performance and reads data from sensors, and even if it could be hacked, you'd need servo motors attached to the mechanically-driven pedals, gear shift and steering wheel to make the car go on its own.
- Almost there though, i.e. Parking Assistants for steering, etc
- When the T-800 was reprogrammed to try to kill John Connor, he tries to override the programming. Despite the fact that computers cannot work that way, his system configurations apparently engage "make ridiculous faces" mode when trying to override the programming. The main point of the first two movies is that the terminator cannot feel emotion. Even in the big climax of T-2, he simply says that he understands why humans cry, and that he is incapable of it due to not being able to feel emotion. However, he just apparently just decides to have emotions here.
- Well, since strong AI doesn't exist in Real Life, we don't know how such a thing would work. However, it's safe to say that the Terminator CPU must be capable of multitasking, so one possible justification would be that he is running both Resistance and Skynet processes simultaneously, and that both are sending control signals to his robot body while trying to overwrite or delete the other. (Google "core wars" for a real-world example of warring system processes.) If multiple control signals are being sent to hardware at the same time, the results would be unpredictable.
- Also, the T-2 terminator DOES seem to build some kind of emotions, what with his unprovoked quipping ("I need a vacation") and capability to apologize. He just can't literally cry (make water leak out of his eyes). So, the T-3 version might have built some semblance of emotion as well.
- And if the T-850 has psychology installed, he has a better knowledge of emotions than its predecessors.
- In Terminator Salvation is it confirmed that Kyle Reese is John Connor's father, Reese is placed at the top of Skynet's "hit list" and has a squadron of Skynet machines sent after him. He is then captured, brought in, identified as Kyle Reese, father of John Connor, and then used as bait to lure Connor into a trap. WHY? He's going to be his father, kill him, you win. You're a fucking super computer, not Dr. pissing Evil.
- Or why every single terminator throws the victim into walls. You have the person in your hands. Grab throat. Squeeze. Mission accomplished.
- Or as we see is possible in the very first victim of the series. Punch through chest. Mission accomplished.
- Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm fairly certain a heart transplant in tent in the middle of a desert isn't a good idea
- In the original film, it's established that the only way anything other than living tissue can be sent back in time is if it's surrounded in living tissue. In the second film, the T-1000 (made entirely out of liquid metal, with no living tissue in sight) is sent back. Maybe they improved the time machine?
- The metal is "alive" though, and could be enough to trick the time displacement equipment, or you just cover the T-1000 with bacteria, it's alive, and will transport whatever it covers.
- Really, it raises more questions than it answers; if they can cloak the T-1000 in something living in order to send it back, they can also wrap up a few Phased Plasma Rifles, or something else in the BFG class, and send it back with it (or within it). Best advice for the whole series is given at the end of the original film: "A person could go crazy thinking about this."
- They also don't send any weapons back with the T-1000, despite the fact that he's made of liquid metal and could conceivably conceal just about any weapon short of a tactical nuke of a cruise-missile.
- He's made a shapeshifter so that it's not needed to travel with weapons...
- Who was John Connor's original father, because he has to be alive to send his Kyle Reese back the first time.
- The loop works in the first movie, it's just a case of cause following effect; unfortunately, the required inevitability of John sending Reese back to close the loop rather spoils the "the future is not set" message. It's T2 which messes with this by saying it is possible to stop Judgment Day and therefore that John could potentially be alive despite his father never being sent back in time (it's implied in the comics that John knew Kyle Reese was his father even before he sent him back; in T2, John talks about knowing he sent his real father back in time to die). T3 really doesn't fix this by saying Judgment Day could be postponed, since if that's true presumably Reese would be older when he was sent back, not to mention the question of why the new Skynet (now a totally different entity to the late Cold War-designed Cyberdyne Skynet which commanded pilotless stealth bombers) would still do exactly the same things. It's a case of trying to fix a plot hole only to end up widening it into a plot tunnel.
- How does a multistory robot sneak up on a band of humans in the middle of a desert? Was nobody watching? Did it just move THAT fast? Was it a Transformer in disguise?
- Speaking of emergency heart surgery, I was wracking my brain trying to think of what kind of trauma would result in the need for a transplant without being immediately fatal. If the heart or major blood vessel was punctured, he would have died within seconds. If the heart was scraped but not actually punctured, no transplant would have been necessary. This is why heart transplants are used for heart failure and congestion rather than injury; No trauma patient lives long enough to get a new one.
- The whole way that time travel works in this universe makes no sense. The first and second films establish repeatedly that there is no set future, yet Kyle Reese being sent from the future to become John Connor's father negates this. Okay, so maybe they were wrong in the first and second films, and the future is set. After all, they're functioning on the idea that John Connor has to be the leader of the resistance, so maybe they just don't know how the time loop works. Okay, maybe when Reese got sent back in time and knocked up Sarah, she birthed a different person who, with the influence of Kyle, named him John, and raised him to be a "great military leader" since she thought she was supposed to. After all, up till this point, nothing had happened that made the creation of Skynet impossible. But wait, then they blew up Cyberdyne, and Skynet just gets created later Because Destiny Says So. Huh. So apparently, in the terminator universe, the future is set when it's necessary for the plot/for there to be more movies made.
- All these problems go away if you assume multiple timelines. Although the films don't explicitly do so, this was canon in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, where Derek and Jesse come from different futures.
- Heres what this troper thinks: The future can be changed, but theres no way for the humans to change it to give themselves a better outcome. Skynet will take over in every possible future Sarah and Kyle can create and they have got humanity in a loop of doing "pretty good". Sending Kyle back to save Sarah and knock her up with John will keep the humans alive and thats about the best they can do. Variations on this time loop can cause things like a delay in judgement day during the next loop but they can also cause humans to be completely wiped out. So potentially, there exists a form of the time loop where they do manage to defeat skynet, they just have not found it yet.
Volcano
Volcano is far worse with Hollywood Science than even Armageddon can dream of, and Convection Schmonvection is the least of it.
- Only the geologist can identify the substance pouring out of the tar pits. The writers think that we don't know lava when we see it? Or that most people in LA wouldn't?
- A scientist who needs a thermometer to realize that the pile of debris right next to her is over 700 degrees Fahrenheit. (For reference, that is hotter than the interior of a self-cleaning oven when it's self-cleaning.)
- Our protagonist, at one point, has everyone at a certain intersection place concrete highway dividers in an arch to use the lava's own strength against it...and they set up the arch in the wrong direction. It still works.
- The scene in the subway in Volcano: A man is able to move around in a train car so hot that it's melting around him. It should have been so hot that all the survivors he's rescuing would have been incinerated. Then the stupid man stupidly jumps into lava so he can throw the last survivor past it, stupidly remaining conscious and successfully throwing another grown adult clear, and then stupidly melting just like the Wicked Witch of the West. And it was stupid — did we mention that? Especially the ridiculous idea that people use the subway in Los Angeles.
- The premise of the film is that, somehow, an incipient volcano could sneak up on Los Angeles, one of the most geologically monitored areas on the planet, simply because there's a subway line under construction.
- There's the arbitrary way the mass of the lava is dealt with. Lava is made of stone. The massive wave of lava should have weighed many tons, but it doesn't push a bus out of its way, which a small river of water can do. Then, arbitrarily, the lava has mass again when the barricade is put up.
- It snows ash throughout the film, except when it doesn't. Thanks to all that volcano ash, everyone is going to die of lung cancer soon.
- More likely Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis
- That touching scene at the end of the film. It was parodied in South Park thus:
Chef: Hey, children, everybody! I'm back! I'm back from Aruba! What the-? [Everyone is pretty much in black-face because of the ash-storm.] Okay! Eeeeeehverybody get into line, so I can whup all your asses!
- The lava seemed to speed up and slow down as was necessary to the plot.
- A very small dog barks at lava slowly filling up the living room.
- The noticeable lack of toxic and corrosive gases that usually accompany volcanic eruptions. There's no way that anybody would have been alive that close to the mouth of an erupting volcano.
- No one seems to be aware that a volcanic eruption in the middle of Los Angeles would almost certainly result in the city being rendered unlivable for an extended period of time. Definitely months...probably years or decades.
- Evacuations should have been the priority rather than trying to "fight" the volcano. The idea is suggested and bluntly rejected by our protagonist. Oh, and he heads the film's local FEMA-equivalent.
X-Men
- X-Men: The Last Stand: Storm expresses Moral Outrage that anyone would want to stop being a mutant when talking to a giant blue freak, a man who is constantly forced to cut his flesh open to use some of his powers, and a girl who is unable to touch anyone, including the man she loves, for fear of killing them.
- Aside from the adamantine claws and skeleton, Wolverine's main power is regeneration. His Healing Factor is the entire effing reason that he has a poisonous metal skeleton - without it, he wouldn't have ever been used for the experiment.
- Reappearing bullet holes.
- Wolverine's original powers involved bone claws as well as the healing, so adamantium or not, he'd still have to rip holes in his hands to shoot out the claws. The Adamantium skeleton and claws just give him increased durability.
- Beast does call her out on that by gently reminding her that not every mutant in the room has her advantage of being able to pass as a normal, attractive human.
- The Abridged Script
Halle Berry: A cure? But there's nothing wrong with us!
Halle Berry: I mean, unless you count being covered in bright blue fur, being unable to touch someone, or having mental powers so uncontrollable that you are a danger to the entire world.
- One could argue that Storm was outraged that the "Cure" implied that mutants were suffering from some sort of illness. It still was tactless, though.
- This is even more headache inducing in the first film where Professor X explains to Rogue that the "anonymity" is the mutant's best weapon. Well Jeez Professor that's awfully convenient seeing as how everyone on your team looks perfectly normal, worst any of them have to put up with is a pair of goofy glasses, while everyone on Magneto's team would stand out if you say them from across the street. At night. While they were wearing heavy clothing. Seriously how is the 7 foot tall, fanged, furry Sabretooth supposed to "blend?"
- What in blazes was the point of Mystique getting herself captured, only to be busted out by Magneto, shot down defending him, and left nude in the truck for all to see?! She basically got stuffed into the fridge. What the hell Ratner?!!
- To be fair though, Raven did get what could be considered a Crowning Moment of Awesome. She basically ratted out Magneto and his group to the Authorities, giving them secret information on the campsite they were staying at, which eventually led to the capture of Multiple Man.
- Uh, not much of a victory, considering Multiple Man was acting as a decoy for the entire camp they'd been hoping to capture.
- And in the Novelization, she is one of the few mutants at the very end who appear to slightly be getting their powers back.
- Having Jean kill the love of her life accidentally was bad enough, but did she have to do it offscreen? And no-one seems to give a damn that Scott's dead afterward.
- Really, X2 had this problem as well, killing off people just for the hell of it. Jean Grey's death in X2 was the most idiotic plot device with the thinnest justification ever. Let's see, there's a mountain of water crashing toward the Blackbird, so Jean decides to go outside, stand in the water's path so she can be conveniently killed, and lift the Blackbird to safety. As opposed to everyone getting out of the Blackbird and her lifting them to safety (cause we can always get another Blackbird, but presumably we can't get another Jean Grey), or better yet, everyone stay in the Blackbird and she can lift it from in the plane (something she can do in the comics, but this is the movie so I guess that's anyone's call). Nobody took even 5 seconds to think about this. Idiot Ball anyone?
- Considering how in The Last Stand she gets sad/suicidal when feeling Phoenix is taking over, maybe she thought the "overly powerful phase" which manifested a few times through that movie was something to get rid of.
- Apparently Jean wasn't even supposed to die in the original script and she lived at the end of the novelization (which was also based on the original script).
- Or Bobby could get out and freeze all that water. And then they could fly off at a nice and leisurely pace. Maybe pop a tape into the deck. Play a few rounds of 20 Questions.
- Iceman can "build" a wall of ice, sure. But compare the size of that with that incoming surge! Would be pretty hard.
- Actually, considering how difficult it should be to instantly freeze the water vapor in the air into a good foot thick or so wall, freezing liquid water should be considerably easier for him.
- Freezing the water, sure, but he can't cancel the kinetic force. They're better off being hit by water than ice.
- I'm pretty sure Cyclops's eyebeam things can vaporize water. Nightcrawler could teleport them to safety a few at a time. Storm could generate wind to blow the water away from the plane, or she could lift the plane with a tornado, or lower the temperature outside to subzero so the water would freeze. Her death was a suicide, but definitely an unnecessary one.
- Cyclops's eyebeams are concussive force, not heat, at least as far as the source material goes. I believe that would preclude any water vaporization.
- To be fair: Nightcrawler has difficulty teleporting more than a few yards by himself, saying nothing about carrying passengers, and teleporting multiple people in a short span of time has been known to leave him in a borderline comatose state in the comics. Storm and Iceman probably could have done something though, especially since they are two of the most powerful (omega level) mutants.
- None of this changes the fact that if Jean could stop the water from outside the plane, she could've stopped it from inside too.
- The plane wallbanger is actually lampshaded. During his talk with Professor X, Wolverine can't understand why she left the plane when there was another way, so even he seems to think he death was entirely unnecessary. This carries with it the implication that Jean's stupidity is actually a conscious decision to let herself be hit with the water, for whatever reason.
- And changing Wolverine's Character Development arc from "amnesiac loner with a Dark and Troubled Past discovers his own humanity" to "amnesiac loner with a Dark and Troubled Past discovers the value of teamwork" was inexcusable.
- Does anyone buy that mutants would suddenly be accepted by the rest of human society and not actively hunted down after an army of them attack soldiers, show just one can move the entire golden gate bridge and another that can create a massive vortex of sheer vaporizing power? Honestly? Just because one group of mutants fought another group of mutants, all mutants are good until proven otherwise?
- This was acknowledged in one scene, in which the president tells Beast that he's trying to do his best to keep things smooth, but that he worries about how the world will survive with mutants "who can lift cities with their minds".
- 3 was just one long Wallbanger. Magneto simply abandoning a close friend who incidentally knows all of his plans? Maybe he'd treat her as needing to be cured of not being a mutant, but simply leaving her there was ludicrously out of character.
- Except that it was apparently deliberate. Mystique was "abandoned" so that she could turn state's evidence on Magneto by revealing the location of his secret base... his FAKE secret base, inhabited entirely by Multiple Man.... keeping the military busy while he assembled his army elsewhere. Presumably she VOLUNTEERED for this gambit.
- And then there's the whole idea of the mobile prisons. This was apparently Executive Meddling (the Alcatraz sequence was supposed to be the jailbreak, but Magneto moving the Golden Gate was the big effect shot, so it got shunted illogically to the end of the movie and the script made approximately three times as idiotic to compensate) but this doesn't excuse the utter stupidity of trying to keep someone away from Magneto by putting them in a convoy of poorly defended metal things, or the logistics of keeping a convoy of vehicles in constant motion.
- And then there's the Alcatraz scene itself. Soooooo, let's get this straight: Magneto has lifted the Golden Gate Bridge. Magneto wants to kill someone in an exposed cell on the top floor of the complex. Magneto for some reason doesn't think to either drop the bridge on the building or just crush the whole reinforced concrete structure using its own rebars. Idiot Ball, anyone?
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The final villain is Deadpool. Yes, Deadpool. Oh, and he can now shoot
lasers concussive force blasts(!) from his eyes and teleport without a device, and his katanas are retractable just like Wolverine's claws (which led fans to call him Barakapool).
- The next question: didn't his new wristanas look a bit longer than his forearms were? So he can't have had them fully sheathed and bent his arms at the same time?
- Lady Deathstrike's claws were significantly longer than her fingers, likely the same deal.
- Yes, but wouldn't her claws be able to go past the wrist?
- I remember looking at the X2 website a long time ago, and I remember this opening animation of LD's claws coming out as segments. It's silly but maybe that's how she can move her fingers; the claws are only in her fingertips.
- Also, his mouth was stitched shut. Yes, that's right, The Merc With the Mouth was gagged. Unleash Nerd Rage!
- The Stinger shows the mouth is free again for random babbling in the spin-off.
- And then there's the whole Adamantium bullets thing. Ok, so you've got bullets that can kill/memory wipe Wolverine (somehow) and you don't think of giving them to Agent Zero. You know, the guy who could hit him from a mile away blindfolded! I mean, maybe Stryker wanted to do it personally, but it's a stupid thing not to do.
- Wait a minute: Wouldn't you need a barrel made from even harder alloy to even fire those?
- No, you just need to lubricate the bullets to minimize damage to the barrel. Armour piercing rounds are made from in tungsten and that's much harder than the barrel's steel.
- And it's not as if his skull was vaporized/replaced by molten adamantium 30 minutes earlier with no harmful side effects. Oh wait...
- Even more to the point: bullets do * not* work that way! Bullets have to be made from soft metal or they don't catch the rifling in the barrel, won't spin, and will fire like a musket, even from a sniper rifle.
- The bullets are probably an adamantium penetrator jacketed in something softer, like copper or cupronickel. The same kind of thing that jackets an FMJ round. That's how they make armour piercing bullets now.
- Stryker has a revolver. This revolver has a six-bullet capacity. He fires all six bullets at Wolverine, causing the amnesia present in the later films. Then, seconds later, Stryker points the gun at Kayla, preparing to blast her away, and she mind-controls him to point the gun at himself. But it's an empty gun, making what would be a tense moment (if you hadn't seen X2) into one that's kind of funny.
- What I simply don't get is how does an adamantium bullet penetrate a skull coated WITH THE SAME MATERIAL?! It would have made sense if he had shot him through the eyes or up the nose, which has been shown in the comics, or even if Wolverine had slowly lost his memory as a side effect of the bonding process. But somehow the toughest material in the universe is able to penetrate itself.
- Well, diamonds can cut each other. Maybe the same principle would work for Adamantium.
- You can't * cut* something with something else made of the same material, but you can penetrate a sheet of one material with a projectile of the same material, as long as it has enough mass and kinetic energy. Actually, it's more like tearing through the sheet rather than penetrating it outright, but the end result is the same, it goes through. In this case, the sheet would be Wolverine's skull. After all, lead bullets can penetrate steel plates even if lead is softer than steel.
- Given enough kinetic force, you are right. But Adamantium is stated to be impenetrable, so it should be at least much more strong than any real world alloy. You should not be able to break it with a bullet, not even an adamantium one, more than steel arrows fired by a bow could penetrate a tank. Stryker should have used some sort of juiced-up rifle to keep some tenue verosimility.
- Continuing from this line of thought — shooting an adamantium skull with an adamantium bullet only causes a little dint that makes you lose your memory, but you can cut a guy's adamantium neck off with adamantium claws? A bullet would travel somewhat faster than a roundhouse, one would have thought.
- Deadpool didn't have adamantium in his skeleton. The one doc points out they haven't done the grafting yet when Striker wants him activated.
- Oh, and Deadpool has this CONTINUOUSLY FIRING broad-range eyebeams that can destroy entire concrete structures (that you discover after his death), but doesn't think to just leave them on the whole time he's fighting Sabretooth and Wolverine? It's almost as if the movie gave Deadpool too much power and the script relies on continuing Deus ex Machina to resolve the fight in the designated hero's favour.
- The entire Gambit scene is a giant Wall Banger. Gambit hates Creed. Logan shows up and tells him he's going to kill Creed. Remy suspects Logan is working with him and attacks. Creed randomly shows up for no apparent reason and fights with Logan. Gambit then, after seeing Creed (a man he knows is his enemy) fighting Logan (a man he only suspects to be his enemy only because of his possible affiliation WITH CREED) decides to attack Logan and allow Creed to escape. And then he displays random Spider-Man agility. And Logan takes out a fire escape in a manner befitting Looney Tunes. THEN, Gambit declares "You really DO want to kill him!" and decides to help Logan after all. One imagines how an idiot of this magnitude escaped the island.
- "He has no way of getting that jacket back!
"
- The same female character getting fridged twice for the sake of Wolverine's "character development".
- The most baffling part of his girlfriend's "death" to anyone familiar with the comics (or the first 3 movies...or the cartoon) is that one of Wolverine's PRIMARY powers is his sense of smell, how the HELL did he not realise that the blood covering his girlfriend wasn't hers? Not to mention he's pretty damn good at figuring out if someone is really dead from yards away; in a recent comic he enters a large research facility that he'd never been in before and is able to discern that there is a "female, dead" somewhere within...and THAT was a girl he didn't know and therefore was unfamiliar with her scent.
- Or heck, why he didn't notice that there weren't large gashes all over her body? Seriously, for that much blood to be all over a corpse, one would imagine that the wounds would be visible.
- Let's pretend for a moment that Wolverine's super senses weren't enough to realize she wasn't really dead. Why didn't he take her to a hospital? It would've taken a doctor five minutes to realize she had no wounds and she was, in fact, alive.
- If Wolvie thinks she's dead, getting her to a hospital isn't going to do much. Also, Wolverine's a major rage case. He finds his lover dead, he's not going to be thinking anything other than "Kill the SOB who did it."
- Okay, seriously people, are Wolverine's brother Victor Creed and Sabretooth from the X-Men Trilogy meant to be the same character or not? Or have they just adapted to film the same character twice?
- To be fair, Victor Creed is never called Sabertooth in Wolverine's movie. And Sabertooth never gives his real name in the first X-Men.
- Wolverine is named after a small, vicious animal. Sabretooth is named after one of the largest cats that ever lived. In the comics and cartoons, Wolverine is a short, hairy guy, and Sabretooth is gigantic, and calls Wolverine "shorty" all the time. In the original X-Men movie, Wolverine is too damn tall, but at least Tyler Mane's Sabretooth is even larger. So what do we do for the prequel? We recast Sabretooth as Liev Schreiber, who is in fact shorter than Hugh Jackman. So Wolverine is now taller than Sabretooth, thus ruining the entire dynamic between the two characters. That's like making Sam Gamgee physically larger than Shelob.
- Actually, according to IMDB, Schreiber is half an inch taller than Jackman. Of course this makes them about equal.
- The explanation most people are having is "he gets animalistic" over the movies (although not even Dr. Manhattan understands how).
- One assumes Stryker eventually subjected him to a LOT of genetic testing.
- Wolverine's girlfriend turns out to have the ability to mind-control anyone through physical contact. We find this out in a climactic scene where she tearfully confesses that she's been playing Logan in order to get the evil general to release her sister. Said general is very much within arm's reach. How hard would it been, over the years of their 'working together,' to just get a hand on him?
- To the movie's credit, she said that Stryker was always very careful. Still doesn't justify the plot hole.
- Stryker had a large number of mutants locked up, almost all of which had been kidnapped, were quite powerful, and would have loved to hurt him badly. Chances are, he took a good many precautions and prep work to keep himself safe in case a mutant did try to off him.
- How the hell could Wolverine block Deadpool's eyebeams with his claws? Yes, adamantium is incredibly durable, but why didn't the eyebeams go through the gaps between the claws?
- Not only that, but just because you block something doesn't mean it's harmless. You can block a missile with a suit of armor, but that doesn't mean you're going to stand there unharmed. The real question is how was Wolverine just standing there without being thrown a mile away?
- This is Wolverine, people. He's just that awesome.
- The fact that he had fairly large hunks of metal tearing the already formed neural pathways in his brain apart and suffers severe amnesia as a result isn't too hard to believe if you take into account that Logan's healing factor probably didn't have an exact map of the original pathways handy when it started reconstruction, but then try to factor in the fact that he never seems to have had those bullets removed. So...how does that work out? He just walks around with big honking bullets in his gray matter like it's no big deal? For that matter, his healing factor has never been seen to include the adamantium so how does he even heal that? Without someone like Magneto on hand to a) remove the bullets for him and b) reshape the adamantium in his skull in order to fix the gaping holes there's not a lot he can do there.
- X-Men 2: There were nozzles in Magneto's prison cell that give out highly effective knock-out gas. That's reasonable, nah, brilliant in its simplicity and usefulness. In fact, every time there is a similar premise (a chamber where they need to prevent somebody from entering and/or leaving) but without a knock-out gas dispenser installed, it leaves me screaming: "You idiots, why didn't you install a knock-out gas dispenser?" Then Magneto attempts escape...and the gas is not used at all!!!
- For a start, the guards didn't know he was making a successful escape attempt until he shattered the walls of his cell- the same walls that keep the gas in. Magneto takes about a minute or two to actually pass out when the nozzles are first used, and that's because the cell is small enough for the gas to build up to effective levels quickly. Once the walls are broken down, not only is the gas pumping into a much larger space (assuming the nozzles still work), but Magneto isn't waiting around to see what happens next. Ergo, the gas is pretty much useless unless the cell walls are intact.
- For a start he killed a guard. Rather slowly and in a manner clearly indicating presence of metal. If that's not a reason enough to start pumping in the gas, I don't know what is (please, don't say they didn't have video surveillance in his cell, have mercy for the wall). And the gas is NOT useless, because, even if Magneto breaks out, you can still flood the whole building with gas!
- While the first point is valid (holy shit he's killing the guy slowly and horribly! Why aren't we doing anything!) the second fails because it still takes time to flood the area with enough gas to make it work.
- Maybe they don't have video surveillance in his cell because the cameras would necessarily 1)be placed in line-of-sight from him and 2)contain metal circuitry. That said, if they can't use cameras they ought to have a guard stationed at a watch post 24/7.
- No, we actually do see a security camera in Magneto's cell switch off during Stryker's visit. It's not clear if it was ever switched on again, so perhaps the security guards just got lazy; after all, these are the same guards who caught a blip on the metal detector and didn't bother to check what was wrong.
- X-Men: First Class. The mutants have just saved the world from the Omnicidal Maniac and prevented the Third World War, so the grateful humanity (ok, the US and USSR leaders), as a token of appreciation, decides to wipe them out with Macross Missile Massacre. Magneto stops the missiles and then directs them back at the battleships that fired them. Xavier, naturally tries to dissuade him from this act of cruelty by reminding Eric that there are thousands of sailors on the ships who were...Just Following Orders. He says this to Eric. The Holocaust survivor. *Facepalm*
- Young Eric witnesses his mother shot right before his eyes by the Big Bad, and lets loose his powers in shock and hate against... the two hapless mooks standing behind him. Why didn't Eric just kill the person who killed his mother who is also sitting right in front of him?
- Probably because the man in question could absorb all energy (including kinetic, we'd assume - nullifying all projectiles). Let's not forget that he had to be telekinetically frozen before he could finally be killed.
- How, and with what control? He couldn't even really turn his powers on consciously yet; the two mooks died due to misfortune rather than intent. And even if he tried, it *still* wouldn't have done anything to Shaw.
Other Films, Part 1
Other Films, Part 2
- High Tension / Haute Tension is an enjoyable thriller about a college student named Marie trying to rescue her best friend Alexia, whom she's in love with, from a deranged killer. She was highly sympathetic, she kicks the killer's arse, and - Oh, wait a minute! Cliche Twist Ending time! Marie is a Psycho Lesbian with Multiple Personality Disorder. A killer is she. The twist leaves about 40 different plot holes and invalidates most of the movie. It doesn't even try to explain the split personality, so the only reason appears to be "'cause she's a lesbian."
- Marie is an Unreliable Narrator with Sympathetic P.O.V.. The 40 different plot holes are caused by her outright lying.
- Then how about this: Marie looks to be about 90 pounds soaking wet. How does someone so tiny manage to overpower a grown man and snap his head off with a gigantic hutch like it was made of porcelain?
- Even if we accept this, we run into some major problems. In her own flashback, she reveals herself as the killer, a fact that she isn't supposed to know about. Hell, she was apparently foreshadowing the twist in her own narrative. She would also be explaining scenes in which she was not present, including the cops witnessing the killer and Marie as separate people.
- 40 Days and 40 Nights is about a guy who gives up sex for Lent. Then he meets a girl he falls in love with. On the last day, he has his roommate chain him to the bed—so he won't masturbate or something—and then leave. Then his ex-girlfriend gets in, and rapes him. Just to win a bet. She leaves, and his current girlfriend walks in and assumes the chastity thing was BS. He then has to apologize to her, and the ex gets off scot-free. There's not even the All Men Are Perverts or Double Standard Rape: Female on Male defenses, since the dude, y'know, chained himself down.
- This review
of Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen is a literal wallbanger.
- Equilibrium. Gun Kata. The concept of how it operates is unrealistic, stupid, and just plain wrong. Being able to statistically predict your opponents' positions in a gunfight and then also statistically predict where they will shoot to allow you to dodge their bullets (because, you know, there's no such thing as adjusting one's aim) is retarded; how did this make the film? It would have been better if they hadn't bothered coming up with it and said the Clerics can dodge bullets because they're just that Badass. Instead Kurt Wimmer tried to bypass Willing Suspension of Disbelief and Rule Of Cool by providing an explanation, when those two things are all that keep physics-defying stunts from looking stupid rather than awesome.
- Jaws: The Revenge is the trope namer for Voodoo Shark, but that's not where the wall-banging ends by a long shot. To try to escape from a shark, the protagonist takes a flight to the Bahamas. Granted, it's a distance from her original home (Massachusetts), but so is Utah. Richard Jeni filled an entire bit at Just For Laughs with wall bangers from this movie.
- Let's not forget that the shark follows her there, as if it knows exactly where she's going. Somehow, it's able to get there in a matter of days. What? Did Bruce discover warp drive?
- In fact, the shark is implied to be smart - so smart that it knows and accounts for things it should have no way of knowing. For example, it is pretty evident that the shark not only killed Sean, but ambushed him. Ken Begg's review
had a particular bone to pick with this very frank example of Xanatos Roulette.
- Knowing. The ending: so a freak solar flare destroys the Earth, but don't worry - angelic aliens saved a bunch of kids so they can start the human race over on another planet. Never mind that the aliens knew about the flare fifty years earlier and never bothered to warn anyone who wasn't special. Never mind they probably could have taken millions aboard their spaceships and yet deemed less than 1% of the whole human race worthy of survival; which may cause one to wonder what gave them the right to decide to begin with. Also, within a few generations, those kids' descendants will be mad inbred.
- You could've just put the whole movie in. Highlights include running directly into the flaming wreckage of a recently-crashed plane.
- On the point of them knowing so far in advance they obviously had the time to help move people away if space on the ship was the issue.
- Speaking of knowing in advance, why did they entrust the prophecies to a mentally unstable little girl who would allow them to be locked away for the next fifty years, only to be unearthed far too late to be of any use? Why not a scientist who would not only know how to decode them but also work with the aliens to rescue as many people as possible instead of just two per ship?
- Also, the idea that any kind of solar flare could literally incinerate the Earth. Even a massive solar flare wouldn't do much more than hose up any electronics. That's a disaster scenario in itself, though obviously not as cool as the surface of the planet being consumed in a massive inferno. Hollywood Science, indeed.
- We've also got the aliens choosing two pre-pubescent kids who, while certainly intelligent, probably don't have the skills to survive on their own and therefore probably wouldn't survive until puberty. I hope those other ships contained a few doctors, teachers, childcare experts or at least experienced adults.
- This film is only kind of worth mentioning because it watched as one big scientology metaphor.
- Not even remotely scientology, though, pretty much standard Christian, complete with Professor Doctor Nick Cage espousing Intelligent Design and a child-only Rapture at the very end. Also, solar flares don't fucking work that way.
- The two main characters constantly leaving their children alone in the car despite the fact that the aliens are always close by. It eventually leads to the kids getting kidnapped by the aliens.
- The Well-Intentioned Extremist in The Lost World: Jurassic Park is an eco-activist who's so much against the exploitation of the free-range dinosaurs that he sabotages the capture-team's equipment and gets a lot of people killed. Somehow, the fact that these dinosaurs are introduced species, and are no doubt wreaking havoc with the island's own indigenous ecosystem, never crosses his mind (or anyone else's). And it's doubtful that there's any place on Earth that they could be introduced to, since all these dinosaurs have been dead for tens (if not hundreds) of millions of years. But what the heck, who's going to miss another pristine neotropical rainforest?
- Well A) the island's ecosystem is likely beyond repair, and B) the other guys were talking about taking them to the mainland, so maybe he guesses that someone would stuff up eventually, and releasing a bunch of big dinos 'in the middle of a city' is going to generate a lot more casualties than happened on the island.
- The island had been specifically designed to be a home for the dinosaurs, which would face major dietary problems anywhere else on the planet, which the company knew about because they had designed it. As for releasing a bunch of big dinos in the city, the original plan had them sticking entirely to small and medium sized herbivores. The only guys chasing a predator was the hunter who wanted to bring a Rex skull home as a trophy. The only reason they took the T-rexes home instead was because the nature lover let all the other dinos go, and they needed something to recoup the losses they were looking at after the stampede and carnivore attacks. Otherwise, bringing the dinos back to the mainland would have been no more dangerous than bringing elephants, cape buffalo, rhinos, and hippos over from Africa.
- In the process of streamlining the plot of the original book for the movie, they removed all references to Malcolm's logic justifying why he knew the animals had to be breeding, which made sense for a mathematician to be able to figure out. Instead they simply made Malcolm into an insufferable wiseass who's only justification for why an entirely female population of animals would breed was "life will find a way." You Fail Biology Forever. In the book, they had the very important detail that dinosaurs had already escaped to the mainland, yet the island was still showing the correct number of animals there. This makes the deduction that they are breeding somehow quite plausible. In the movie, it just happened so Malcolm could prove Hammond wrong.
- Uh, that's missing the whole point. The whole "Life finds a way" quote is not about the dinosaurs breeding, but rather in general that In-Gen cannot control everything that happens on the island. That by trying to recreate a prehistoric environment without knowing much about it, something in inevitably going to go wrong. It's like telling someone they're playing with a ticking time bomb. The real Wall Banger regarding the dinosaurs breeding is the fact that Hammond and the scientists never once considered simply making the dinosaurs infertile. That way, male or female, they wouldn't be able to breed, even if they could change sex. Plus, apparently no one at Jurassic Park ever heard of Parthenogenesis (IE: A female organism being able to breed without the need of a male to fertilize the eggs).
- The trailer for 2012 begins by proclaiming the Mayas to be "the world's oldest civilization." So, it's not even out, and we already know that they Did Not Do the Research.
- Making sense is not The Mummy Trilogy's strong point. But a real wall banger came in The Mummy Returns. So there are these guys who want to dig up Imhotep, right? And it's very explicitly Ardeth Bey's job to stop people from raising Imhotep. He says in the first movie that it even justifies killing innocent people, let alone people who are deliberately trying to raise Imhotep. So maybe he wasn't able to stop them from digging him up because oh noes, reincarnated Anck-Su-Namun is with them and she's a royal bitch who throws snakes at people. But he goes all the way to England, to the British Museum, comes in when the ritual is not actually over, has a line of sight to the person performing the ritual and doesn't even try to shoot him. He just stands there with Rick until Imhotep is brought back to life. Of course, someone else would had to have taken over or there'd be no movie, but how is it in character for him to not do everything in his power—especially a very obvious thing—to keep Imhotep dead?
- Evie was being held prisoner during the ritual to bring back Imhotep. While Ardeth might not have cared about killing her to stop Imhotep in the first movie, now they were friends and he didn't want her dead. Having her armed husband standing right next to him probably helped convince him that doing something to endanger Evie was pretty stupid.
- 9 was a good movie; however, some major plot points were contrived as hell to justify having a story. Namely, the instructions to using the soul transference talisman. 5 people get killed in 9's quest to go back to the room he should have stayed in and examined in the first place to find his purpose (though to be fair, he was just born and all that). Then we're treated to a detailed cinematic of the origin of the machine that destroyed the world, and how 9 must stop it. Wonderful, but wouldn't it have been simpler to just write it down, and put it in 9's chest. "Take this here, press this, this, and this, remaining world is saved, no muss, no fuss." Everyone proceeds to rock out to Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
- Could be partly justified as the Scientist did just have pieces of his soul sucked out, which, as it being his life source, probably made him tired, therefore more stupid. Though why he didn't think of that before, however . . .
- 9 only left the room without bothering to search it because he overheard 2 moving around outside. Can you really claim the Scientist was stupid for not anticipating that one of just ten mobile entities left on the entire planet would come strolling by that particular window, at precisely the wrong moment?
- Why does the original robot need the scientist's soul to be brought back? The scientist specifically state that "the robot lacked the human soul." Thus, said robot wouldn't have had the little slot for the talisman in the first place, meaning once it was dead, it was dead. No real sense here.
- When the Machine was first built, it was clear that it had no slot. However, in the Scientist's study, some plans with a design of a slot with the talisman in it was seen. Maybe the Scientist realized his mistake and built a slot for it in its body, not knowing that it was too late and that the souls wouldn't actually be absorbed into the Machine, and would just be stuck in the talisman.
- As we see at the ending, the souls released into the sky cause it to rain small souls. It is entirely possible that some of the automatons had to die to allow the souls to multiply, and thus for any remaining automatons to build new ones.
- Disney's Chicken Little (as opposed to the original aesop) ran about 30 minutes too long due to a Wall Banger halfway through the movie: originally CL is ostracized by the entire town after alarming it to a threat that sounds incredulous, that of a piece of the sky literally falling on his head, which isn't helped when he cannot find the evidence to present to the angry townspeople. A year later, CL is finally starting to live this down, when said "piece of the sky" hits him in the head again. He calls up his friends, but doesn't tell his father, because he doesn't want his father to be disappointed in him again, even going out of the way to hide the evidence from his father to avoid looking crazy. HELLO! Can you say "vindication?" The entire plot of the movie was that nobody believed CL because of the crazy, unsubstantiated things he would say. Now he has _hard evidence_ of his claims in his hand. Wouldn't this be the perfect time for him to say "Look, I'm not crazy, here's the same thing that fell on me a year ago, and this is how it managed to look invisible last time?"
- In Battle for Terra, we are introduced to a species of alien that can fly... or is that hover? The film never really can decide which. The whole race has multiple flying craft that would seem to suggest they just hover, yet in one scene, an alien saved a human being by flying hundreds of feet down to catch him, and then hundreds of feet back. Then why, when she fell out of a spacecraft while returning to her planet in a later scene, did she plummet all those feet to the ground?
- The curse for The Princess and the Frog. Prince gets turned into frog, and requires a kiss from a princess to undo the spell. Okay, classic curse conditions and consistent with original story, thus far. Prince kisses lead female, thinking she's a princess...and she gets turned into a frog, as a result. Um...what? Where in the hell did they say that the spell was designed to turn the kisser into a frog, if she wasn't a princess? Interesting twist, but why the funky conditions for a botched spell breaking? There's no explanation to why this happens, and it doesn't seem like Dr. Facillier intended this to happen, so why did it? To further compound things, after Dr. Facillier is defeated, our heroes are stuck as frogs until the prince kisses a princess, but somehow the "non-princess turns into frog" clause gets nullified, since him kissing the former Mardi Gras Princess didn't turn her into a frog. The hell? Why would there be No Ontological Inertia with only part of the spell, but not the entire thing? It can't be because the spell is broken; it wasn't, at least not from Facillier's reaction to it (and, considering the bargain he's making with it, he should know for damn sure if it was broken), so in classic fairy tale cliche, his defeat should nullify the spell in its entirety, right? Even if we can forgive the ridiculousness of the fact that breaking the spell normally requires an insulting amount of technicalities (ie. kissing the temporary princess of the Mardi Gras celebration, and eventually by kissing our heroine, made a princess via marriage, that "non-princess turns into frog" clause is just stupid and handled poorly.
- Honestly, I don't really understand what your problem is in your first argument (about the lead female being turned into frog from the curse). The original story didn't mention any stipulations for that condition, so the author is free to make up whatever result they want. Besides, this is not the original story, so really, the writer could claim that it's a similiar-but-ultimately-different curse, meaning they can make up whatever rules they want. The lead female could turn into a bazooka-weilding gorilla fairy if the author wants her to.
- That's fine, except the author didn't ever explain this addition to the curse or even bother to use it consistently in the story. That's the problem.
- Who ever said Dr. Facilier knew about this clause? Remember, he has voodoo, he has hoodoo, he has things he hasn't even tried. It's obvious all his powers are on loan from his Friends on the Other Side, often with odd and mysterious consequences and rules. That's sorta the point of Disney Magic. There might be an explanation for this that only his Friends know.
- Why should the story be obligated to reveal the twist before it happens? Neither Naveen nor the audience knew any parameters of the spell whatsoever until Mama Odie confirmed it, anyway. Facilier could have just turned Naveen into a frog without any kind of exit clause - for all we know he did, and she had to do some Sleeping Beauty-type meddling, which would provide one way out of the bit about Charlotte. It's also possible there was some unstated deadline, since nobody seems to raise the possibility that if all else fails, they could wait for next year's Mardi Gras Princess. Even if it turned out not to be Charlotte, they could probably pay her off somehow.
- Tiana kissed Naveen for selfish reasons. She just wanted her restaurant. So she had to share his curse. Charlotte kissed him for non-selfish reasons.
- I always thought that the reason the spell didn't work was because Tiana wasn't a real princess. If a real princess is needed to break the curse, it makes sense that someone who tries to pass for a princess is somehow punished.
- Or maybe the curse was because of profit. Tiana kissed Naveen because he offered to buy her the restaurant, not because she genuinely wanted to help him. There was a lot of extenuating circumstances, but Tiana still kissed Naveen for a somewhat selfish reason. So, then, POOF, she's a frog. When Charlotte kissed Naveen, it was because she genuinely wanted to help her friend and her future husband. Since it was genuine, no curse was transmitted. This is just Wild Mass Guessing, but it would kinda fit in Facilier's M.O. (selfishness & magic never leads to anywhere good).
- Under Fire: How do you join a Maoist terrorist organisation without knowing it?
- Disney's Blank Check. The main character's whole family is pretty much always on his back, scolding him for being lazy because he isn't trying to get a job or make money in any way. The kid is about seven years old. These people expect a seven-year-old to become an entrepreneur?!
- That's assuming people didn't already find fault with the plot for it's piling of ridiculous circumstance after circumstance onto the main character (his brothers bully him, his first check gets stolen, his birthday is a washout, and he has his bike run over by the film's villain) or the notion that anyone in their right mind would clear a $1,000,000 check deposited by a kid who says he's an assistant to a big computer tycoon. Plus, an undercover FBI agent takes him at his word that his boss is a legitimate person, and willingly goes on a date with him. Then she kisses him at the end, before promising that she'll go on a date with him when he turns 17. NOOOOOO!!!
- Let's not forget the scene where the parents ground the main character for wrecking his bike (a car ran over it) rather than praising God that it was not their son that got wrecked.
- Keep in mind the obvious... the main character gets a million dollars. Now, no one is saying that's not a lot of money, but it's nowhere near enough for all the cool looking stuff he gets in the movie, including a freaking CASTLE with built in water slide, virtual reality like video games, gokarts, a limo with driver and well, enough stuff to make many real life billionaires look modest.
- To be (somewhat) fair, he is more likely ten or eleven rather than seven. Despite this, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that he is too young to legally work in 'any' job, or at least any job that would appease his father.
- When one of the characters asks the kid why the person he's working for is sending a kid to buy all this stuff for him he answered by telling him how his "boss" never had a childhood and is doing all this stuff now because he's rich. How exactly does this answer the question?
- Tell any real adult that an eccentric millionaire who refuses to show himself is palling around with a ten year old boy, buying him expensive toys, and employing him under mysterious circumstances that the boy seems hesitant to clarify, and they will freak out. It's a wonder the cops weren't called as soon as he explained the arrangement.
- Cloverfield: When the dudes are finally picked up by helicopters near the end of the movie, which direction do you think the rescue choppers would take? The most logical direction would be to simply fly in a straight line AWAY from the 'creature' (as it seems the other chopper does). Is this what they do? No, of course they take a flight path that almost CIRCLES the monster (so much so that Hud can just lean over and film it!), so that when the monster is hit by missiles from the Stealth Bombers flying overhead (causing a premature celebration of the monsters death), all it has to do is REACH UP and knock the helicopter out of the sky, dooming everyone in the chopper and wasting an entire movie of emotional investment devoted to the rescue of these dumbasses.
- Daredevil... oh my.
- Matt Murdock fights Elektra for absolutely no reason at all despite having just met her, having no idea that she has any martial arts ability, in a playground just off a main street, in broad daylight, sans costumes, in front of 50+ kids, and they are both supposed to have secret identities!
- And she also attacks him without knowing of his martial arts ability, but she does already know he's blind. What a bitch!
- Well, actually, there can be some justification there. Matt goes after her to try and learn her name, and likely picked up from the way she moved and reacted, that she knew how to handle herself in a fight. She on the other hand, has just had an apparently blind guy follow her, watch her movements as though he could see, and react like a martial artist when she attempts to handlock him. By this time each has ascertained that the other can fight, and isn't afraid to do so, so they were probably very interested to see just what the other can do. Matt was sure he'd be fine, and Electra was sure that she'd be able to pull her punches to prevent the 'blind' guy (who from her point of view may have been faking it) from getting hurt.
- Plus, blind or not, Matt was acting like a creep. She was just trying to show him (in the least harmful way possible) that he needs to leave her the fuck alone.
- Elektra's dad is killed because even though he KNOWS he's a target (having been reliably informed just ten minutes before by the Kingpin), when his limo plows into a roadblock, he does precisely what a target shouldn't do and gets out of the bulletproof car, turns around to face the direction his assassin is approaching from, and stands upright, right next to the car for the next five minutes to see if Bullseye really can hit him while fighting Daredevil (which of course he does, with DD's billy club, right in the heart), when any sane target would stay low and get behind some cover (or maybe hightail it while one's nominated assassin is otherwise occupied). May be also an example of an idiot ball.
- Might be justified by the fact that he's just been in a car crash, and understandably disoriented.
- The fact that in the movie, apparently when Daredevil went blind and gained his extrasensory powers, the moviemakers also decided that it gave him superhuman jumping powers as well.
- Actually that goes back to the comics: the fact that he's an excellent gymnast is due to the bones in his ears related to maintaining balance. Still questionable, but you can blame Stan Lee for that one.
- In The Vampire's Assistant, Crepsley arranges for Darren's apparent death by breaking the kid's neck and tossing him off the roof. He promises to "fix" the broken neck later. But in most states, an autopsy is legally mandated if a healthy person dies unexpectedly. Even if it's apparent that the kid died in an accidental fall, the M.E. has to check the body for possible contributing factors, such as alcohol or drug use. Darren should've had his guts on a scale and his brain in a bowl, which is more than the film's vampires can recover from.
- You just said it yourself. In most states. Did that happen in one of those states?
- In Repo Men, there are repeated references to people who have multiple artiforg kidneys, or one artificial kidney and one natural. But thousands of real-life organ donors and recipients are thriving with a single kidney, so why would anyone shell out a fortune for a second artiforg kidney — or risk winding up on Remy's collection list — if they already have one (real or otherwise) that works?
- Single kidneys resort to hyperfiltration to compensate the missing one. This stress is not healthy for the organ, and in the long term can mean renal failure, (particularly if it's not in a prime state to begin with). Thus, in a way, buying a second kidney might be money saving in the long run. It's not unseen to have people with more than one kidney graft.
- Repo Men is a diverse and impressive collection of Wall Bangers that at times seems almost intentional. First of all, where is this taking place? And why can people only hide in a city filled with Repo Men, as opposed to somewhere far off in the country. Why doesn't anyone own a gun? Even if they are illegal to own in the future, a lot of these people are living on the fringes of society anyway. If I work for someone and their broken defibrillator destroys my heart (why did it destroy his heart?) I'd expect my medical bills to be paid, as well as a generous settlement for my pain and emotional distress, or at least for them to not perform the organ replacement without my approval. But worst of all was that despite all of this the film still has entertaining sequences where Jude Law beats people with hammers, Forrest Whitaker finds redemption, and the bitch ex-wife gets knocked unconscious by Jude Law's son. They have a satisfying if somewhat sappy ending where the evil corporation is taken down and everyone's happy on the beach and then Retcons all of it! As it turns out, Jude Law had been hooked up to a simulation of his own personal fantasy and the second half of the movie wasall just a dream Why? Did someone think anyone would leave this film happy with such a ridiculously ludicrous plot twist?
- Normally, Remember Me would have been quickly forgotten after its release; the only real hook that it had was that it was a romance movie starring Robert "Edward Cullen" Pattinson. The ending, however, made it truly a moment of complete stupidity. The ending features Pattinson's character going to the World Trade Center where his father works and getting killed in the 9/11 attacks. Audiences were mostly angry at this ending because it not only came out of nowhere just to have a surprising ending, but because it was fricking offensive.
- I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations for Too Soon runs out after nearly nine years.
- Even if you grant it that, it's still the mother and father of all modern-day emotional cheap shots. It was a fanfic cliche for years before they filmed it.
- It's not even so much that it's too soon, but that literally nothing about the movie hinted at this fact at all. It just came right out of nowhere and is just a very stupid ending. And to be blunt, arguing that ten years after 9/11 is no longer too soon is a little stupid. It's that kind of thing where, at least in the country where it happened, will probably always be something of a sore spot, even if it isn't completely Too Soon.
- Even if you were to grant it as no longer being Too Soon, trying to sucker punch the audience like would still be a stupid ending no matter how far into the future this movie could have been filmed and released.
- The scene in The Two Towers when the elves come to Helm's Deep. First, Lothlorien is at war; they wouldn't be able to spare the troops. Second, given that the founding of Rohan is the stuff of legend, what are the chances that the Rohirrim would know about the Last Alliance? Third, how on (Middle-)earth did they get there so fast? Fourth, doesn't this kind of go against the whole "elves are passing the torch to humans" theme?
- First, while Lothlorien were at war in the book, there isn't any sign of it in the movie, and at least some of the troops were from Rivendell, not Lothlorien (Haldir says he came on behalf of both Galadriel and Elrond).
- Second, the elves speaking of the Last Alliance are speaking to Aragorn as well as the Rohan, and Aragorn certainly knew about the Last Alliance.
- Third, Elrond and Galadriel are pretty good at predicting the future. They likely sent their troops long before Saruman had sent the orcs. In fact there is a sequence earlier in the movie where they are presumably planning to do just that.
- Fourth, it goes just fine, since the Elves only play a relatively minor role in the battle - primarily giving Theoden some measure of hope.
- Five, we needed a pointless dramatic exit for one of the most beloved characters of the trilogy, Haldir, a.k.a. effeminate elf guy that uses too much make up, who probably is cronies with someone high up in the production team.
- In the Jet Li movie Fearless, set in the early 20th century, he fights the representatives of four nations. An English boxer, a Spanish swordmaster, a Japanese judoka, and a German... spear fighter? This is the 20th century. When Germany modernised its military, it modernised. Besides which, there is no art of one-on-one spear-fighting; the pike was always a formation weapon.
- Except that there is
, and all the "research" you have to do is watch the special feature on the dvd. The actor playing the role of the spear-wielding man is himself a champion and student of the regional art. Not invented, student of. Therefore, the art exists, because otherwise he would have nothing to study. QED. Also, the Japanese fighter is not a judoka. Judo has no striking or weapon techniques. What he studied was (at least) karate, and the correct term for a practitioner is a "karateka".
- The Spear Fighter claims proudly that the Germans were some of the first to invent a Spear Kata. There were martial techniques in Europe just as there were in the Orient, though many were left abandoned as guns came into play. Because explosions are cool. Lately, there's been something of a resurgence in these arts from old manuals.
- Elizabeth is bursting with Did Not Do the Research. First the Duke of Norfolk called her "Princess Elizabeth." Sure, she's the Queen's sister, it makes sense...except when you remember that Elizabeth was stripped of her legitimacy years earlier and was never called anything but the Lady Elizabeth until she herself became Queen. Then after she became Queen came scenes of her having sex with her childhood best friend, Robert Dudley. The sex itself gets a pass because historians to this day can't agree on whether they did or not, but if they did, the affair was extremely discreet — not carried on in a room with an audience chamber for her ladies to watch them. Finally, her secretary William Cecil calls her out on the affair and drops the bombshell that Dudley is in fact married, which the film's Elizabeth heard with shock and horror. The real Elizabeth? She was a guest at the wedding.
- As far as William Cecil, he remained one of Elizabeth's closest advisors until his death twenty years later. Making him "Lord Burghley" was not a retirement gift, it was a title to match his office.
- Dragon Ball Evolution. For example, calling energy attacks Airbending, how pathetic the final fight was, Roshi's decision to wait until dark to get out of Yamcha's hole, despite the fact that they were on a tight timeframe...It just goes on and on.
- And the writers picked the worst possible time to stay true to the source material: over the course of the movie, both Roshi and Goku's grandfather are killed. At the end, the heroes use the Dragonballs to resurrect Roshi... but not Goku's grandfather. Yes, this is parallel to the end of the original Piccolo Saga, but in that universe, Goku's grandfather had been dead for years and had already expressed contentment in being dead. In this movie, he died a violent, unexpected death, and he still doesn't get to come back with Roshi.
- To say nothing of any other people Piccolo killed to get the Dragon Balls he had. They were people who most likely didn't know WHY they were killed, as it's implied people don't know the purpose of the Dragon Balls.
- During their fight Goku tries to tell Roshi that he isn't a thief (despite sneaking into the house in search of a Dragon ball). Then at the moment when Roshi stops fighting and stands and looks at him Goku promptly launches his own attack. Way to peacefully end the fight kid.
- Why exactly didn't Piccolo take Gohan with him or at least make sure he was dead? Instead of torturing the information about where the Dragon ball was or snapping Gohan's neck he simply crushes the building, leaving Gohan still alive to give one last message to Goku.
- So after Gohan died Goku just buried him and left? In the movie he's supposedly a modern teenager brought up in a lawful society. Shouldn't Goku's first action be to call the police? The police could be easily forgiven if they had come to the conclusion that Goku was responsible.
- Battlefield Earth is full of Wall Bangers. One that stands out is how the Psychlos have had 1000 years to strip mine Earth for gold, and didn't notice Fort Knox.
- Additionally the 'science' is just plain awful. How exactly they managed to avoid nuking themselves before they knew what it would do is a mystery.
- The biggest wallbanger in the movie is the fact that the Psychlos
are called what they are have somehow, in over a thousand years, never decided to try to use the "man animals" as slave labor. Travolta's character brags that the Psychlo military defeated the combined militaries of Earth in a day. This means they were aware that the "man animals" had a military, meaning they are intelligent. Furthermore, who the fuck do they think built all those ruins all over the place? The "man animals" obviously are intelligent, even if you can't understand them (because you never used the machine that instantly makes them understand you), so NO, the idea that the "man animals" could never be trained to mine your gold for you is not a valid one.
- It isn't even made clear in the movie exactly why they've kept humans around for over the past thousand years. They just seem to keep a few dozen of them in pens for no apparent reason.
- There's also the problem of how the man animals discover jet aircraft that have been sitting around for a few hundred years, but are still somehow fully functional and the man animals learn to fly them in just a few days.
- In the 2005 version of The War of the Worlds, the alien tripods emerge from underground rather than arriving from space. The assumption is that the invaders had hidden their vehicles in various locations on Earth, long before anyone was living there. But if these same aliens visited Earth in prehistoric times, why didn't they subjugate humanity's ancestors way back when, instead of waiting until we became advanced enough to actually put up a fight? How did thousands of buried tripods go unnoticed by miners, seismologists, and spelunkers, and undisturbed by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and landslides, for all of human history? And most of all, why didn't the aliens know that Earth's native microbes were lethal, if they'd been here already?
- The infamous Johnny Mnemonic, starring Keanu Reeves in an adaptation of a William Gibson story is one Wall Banger after another.
- The Opening Scroll explains how in the year 2021, corporations "rule," and a resistance movement emerged to take down the corporations. The corporations' response to the growing resistance? Use their immense power and influence to
bribe and win over government and law enforcement to work for the corporate interest hire the yakuza.
- The Lo-Teks fight their enemies with crossbows and falling cars, in accordance with their low technology values. They also hijack satellite television signals to broadcast their own messages globally and use a cyborg dolphin to hack into human brains.
- To be fair, the same contradiction occurs in the short story ("barbaric" tooth implants from dobermans?), where it's Lampshaded by Johnny.
- Johnny points a gun at J-Bone and demands J-Bone tells him who he is. J-Bone immediately tells Johnny (a total stranger to the character at this time...who could be anybody...and who is pointing a gun at him) that he is the leader of the underground resistance that fights the corporations, and then J-Bone points to where his base of operations is. In a bit of Fridge Brilliance, however, this particular act of stupidity eventually does lead to all of the resistance movement's enemies finding out the location of their headquarters from Johnny.
- Shinji's molecuwire whip can cut through anything you can think of...except for a chain-link gate for some reason.
- One of Ralfi's bodyguards helps Shinji chase down Johnny and Jane after Shinji killed Ralfi. Why would she want to help the person who killed her own employer and the person she was supposed to bodyguard? Your guess is as good as mine.
- In the film version of Lost in Space, the mutated spider version of Dr. Smith at one point says, "Within these eggsacks lives a monster race of SPIIIDERS!" So...the venom from space spiders not only causes humans to transform into mutant spider creatures, they also change the victim's gender?
- They're nonhumanoid aliens, there's no reason to assume they even have a gender. Even if they do, a female spider-alien isn't that much further from a male human than a male spider-alien is.
- How's about "Joey"'s decision to blow up the enemy ship. Yes, it was a good idea. When you're right next to it? Not so much. He's the moron responsible for their predicament in the fourth act.
- In the movie, how exactly did they manage to end up in the exact same location as the Proteus? They could have been sent literally anywhere in the universe and as we find out any time in the universe and they just happen to go there? For that matter why was a rescue ship sent out to find them when they could literally be anywhere in the universe?
- Superman Returns has several wallbanger-iffic moments. Of note:
- Lex Luthor is released at the beginning of the film (offscreen) because Superman failed to show up to Lex's appeal hearing. The only problem is that Superman had (by the time the movie begins) already been gone for close to 5 years. What kind of court relies on the testimony of a superhero who hasn't been seen by anyone in years? And when did an appeals court suddenly require witnesses to come forward?
- For those who don't know civil procedure, just about all the evidence seen by an appeals court was already introduced at the trial level, and new evidence is actually inadmissible except under extraordinary circumstances after the initial trial.
- After deciding to sneak aboard Lex Luthor's boat to find out what caused the blackout in Metropolis, Lois Lane not only takes her child along with her, but doesn't bother to take her cell phone in case she's in danger. What an Idiot.
- Tommy Wisseau's The Room. Lisa is cheating on Johnny with his friend, Mark. When she throws Johnny a birthday party, everyone goes up to the roof at some point, and Lisa gets the brilliant idea to make out with Mark right there on the cough. With dozens of people just outside, including the guy she's cheating on, who could walk in at any second.
- The Last Airbender had a lot, but everyone knows this one: The Earthbenders. On the show they were being held captive on a metal oil rig, far from any earth they could control. In the film, they were held captive in a hole in the ground. There was nothing whatsoever to stop them fighting back (Aang even points this out). What, were they on the honor system?
- You could say that they just needed Aang to give them a speech. Of course that raises other disturbing implications*
As if the movie didn't have enough of the Caucasian Avatar being needed to encourage the Asian Earthbenders.
- An even bigger Wallbanger is that the Fire Benders needed FIRE to use their ability. The only source of fire is an iddy biddy torch in the center of the camp. A torch sitting on a very flimsy stand. To top it off, apparently the Earth benders also had a weapons cache nearby.
- This is even worse when you consider that at a few points, Zuko firebends without a source of fire anyway. At one point he does this underwater.
- When the Firebenders show up at the north pole, they're told to put out all the torches in town so they can't weaponize them. When the Firebenders reach land, it doesn't look like they bothered doing this, as pretty much every torch is still lit. Either have the characters be Too Dumb to Live to not do anything about the fire or Genre Savvy enough to come up with the plan and execute it. The middle ground should not be to be smart enough to come up with the plan and then too stupid to actually do it.
- A rather awful one shows up when they're discussing Aang's reasons for running away. It was changed from not wanting to deal with the responsibilities of being an Avatar to a rule that Avatar's aren't allowed families. Shyamalan, were you aware that Zuko and Azula are descendants of the previous Avatar, Roku? For that matter, why would a child raised by monks find that rule to be so horrific?
- In the movie, there was no Koizilla, which might have been able to save the movie if it had been rendered in otherwise fairly good 3D. Instead, the fire nation's navy is scared off by Aang, or as he's called in this movie, Ong, creating a massive wave, in which no one dies. Also Zhao, instead of being killed in the wave, is drowned by four nameless waterbenders after putting up virtually no offense.
- The movie tends to treat the female characters pretty badly. Everything a female character does is either completely removed or is done by a male. For instance, in the cartoon, Yue decides all on her own that her Heroic Sacrifice in becoming the Moon Spirit is the only way to fix the damage Zhao did. In the movie, Iroh basically tells her to do it. Considering that the plotline of Yue and Sokka "becoming fast friends" was completely summarized instead of shown, it basically reduced Yue to a Living Prop with funny hair.
- Predators has Laurence Fishburne in the role of Former U.S. Air Cavalryman Noland. A Crazy Survivalist and Shell Shocked Senior who has survived for years in the titular Predators' hunting grounds. He's got plenty of experience plus some weapons and equipment he got from the Predators so, now that he has teamed up with the other survivors, he's bound to open a big can of kickass for the Predators, right? Well, no. The only three things he does is provide a lot of exposition, try to kill the other characters in a rather lame way and getting unceremoniously blown up. Good job wasting a perfectly good character...
- Perfectly good actor, you mean. Noland clearly went clownshit-crazy years before, and only survived afterward by looting from other humans dropped onto the planet - humans that he likely murdered himself.
- In the Swedish movie version of the second book from The Millennium Trilogy, a character near the end is incapacitated in the middle of the night, and buried alive. Morning rolls around and you assume this character to be dead, until the shot pans to around where they were buried, and you see them digging their way out despite having been buried alive for hours without oxygen. What. This isn't counting the multiple gunshots said character sustained just shortly before being buried either...
- To be fair, the book says that the position the character fell into the grave allowed free space, thus providing enough air. Not bleeding to death from gunshot wounds is another matter entirely.
- In Con Air, Nicolas Cage's character, an Army Ranger kills a drunk who attacked him and his wife while he is in full uniform. Not only does his idiot attorney counsel him to plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter despite it being an open and shut case of self-defense, the judge decides to ignore the plea-bargain and give the maximum sentence because Army training made him a lethal weapon.
- The second part is illegal, while a Judge could throw out a plea bargain they would have to throw out the plea as well.
- This was a glorified barfight, how does Cage end up in a federal prison? The Feds would have no jurisdiction in this situation, it's strictly a local case and it should have been handled by a state court.
- The Korean movie Singles. One of the main characters has a one night stand with her male friend and ends up pregnant. She decides to keep the baby but for no reason at all, refuses to tell her friend that he will have a son or daughter, going so far as to plead with her female friend not to tell him. This is despite the fact that he is a caring person, is responsible, and is wealthy. Meanwhile, she has a low paying job, is known to be flighty and disorganized, and doesn't seem capable of raising a baby on her own. Obviously, the two characters don't have to get married or even live with each other but if a person is going to raise a child, it's always a good idea to get support from a father who would obviously be willing. That's to say nothing of the fact that the man was her friend and it just comes off as mean spirited not to tell him he has a child. This is all played up as if it's a happy ending somehow.
- The Butterfly Effect spends much of the film setting up its "time travel" rules, namely that when Evan travels back to his own past and changes something, only he can remember the alternate timelines, and from the perspective of everyone else the events had always taken place that way. This internal consistency is then promptly thrown out of the window in a scene where, finding himself the target of prison rapists, Evan convinces a fellow prisoner to help him by briefly travelling back to his childhood and scarring the palms of his hands so that "stigmata" spontaneously appear before the prisoner's eyes. Not only does this break the established continuity rules, but it also makes a mockery of the film's entire premise, that even minor changes to the past can drastically change the course of one's life; we are now meant to accept that while all the other changes Evan made sent his life down wildly different paths, deliberately driving spikes through both his hands (in the middle of a classroom, no less) didn't change anything beyond giving him scars.
- This is less of a wallbanger than it appears on its face. In an earlier scene, Evan discovers that the effects of injuries that occur exactly at the end of a flashback carry over into his current timeline on his current body. The prisoner didn't see the scars form, because from his perspective they were always present, what he saw was the scars suddenly became fresh wounds on Evan's palms. Still a wallbanger in the sense that this idea of things from the flashbacks coming through to the present is applied inconsistently throughout the movie.
- Mein Führer - the truly truest Truth about Adolf Hitler. Plot: Hitler is too depressed to speak, so a Jewish acting coach (in fact, the same one who taught Hitler how to be a great orator) is called in to tutor him. While the general idea was good (another movie like Life is Beautiful, or The Producers, or The Great Dictator, by a Jewish director - why not?), as was casting German comedian Helge Schneider as Hitler, the finished movie indecisively changes from parody to serious and back. Besides, the premise breaks Willing Suspension of Disbelief: Why should the biggest antisemite in history hire a Jewish acting coach, and why should a Jew willingly help a big antisemite?
- First, he probably helped Hitler because he was afraid of being deported. Second, the thing about Hitler hiring jews is truth in television. His mothers doctor, Eduard Bloch, was a jew, and decades after her death, Hitler offered him protection until he emigrated to the United States.
- In fact, in real life, when he was called out on one of several incidents of revisionism of the Judaism of a person or artistic work he happened to like, a frustrated Hitler replied, "I decide who is a Jew!" He was never particularly consistent about this point historically, so what is portrayed in the movie isn't really out of character; Hitler himself was just a hypocrite as well as a mass-murdering monster.
- Oscar's plan to steal the Vanderville gem collection in Short Circuit 2 is nonsensical:
- He's a bank teller at the bank the jewels are stored in. He has access to a computer scam artist. Hasn't this guy ever heard of embezzlement? He and his computer flunky could swipe ten times the worth of the jewels that way. Instead, he has the guy tunneling under the vault to get to the jewels, which is convoluted and time-consuming.
- He plans to smuggle them out of the country in plastic dinosaurs. Even his lackies question the idea, and with reason:
- Hard rocks + plastic container = tons of loud rattling that would tip off customs.
- Loud rattling + hard rocks = scratched up and damaged rocks. Yes, risk damaging the goods before you can sell them, risk devaluing them beyond a reasonable price drop. Good one, Oscar.
- There's also the issue with Ben in the second movie:
- First of all, the SAINT project he worked on was a top-secret military project. Wouldn't he get in trouble for selling toy versions of te robots, even if the project itself went belly-up?
- Why in the bloody hell is he selling toys on a street corner?! It's shown, when Fred tries selling off Johnny 5, that Ben's name is well-known in the cybernetics circuit, to the point where he'd no doubt be hired by them on the spot, had he actually applied. What, did the events of the first movie so taint his view of working for corporations that he thought working for himself was the safest bet? Apparently not, because in the unreleased third movie, he mopes about not being cut out to be a salesman and eventually gets a job at a California university's space division.
- The 30 Days of Night sequel starts the same way as the first film, with no investigation into what happened to the small town. They just rebuilt and went on with their lives. Man, those people are stubborn.
- The Fighter's Dethroning Moment of Suck: Dickey is chased down and beaten up by the cops (they caught him and his girlfriend robbing johns by pretending to be a cop). Micky jumps in to try and protect his brother - after being told by pretty much his entire family not to go out there. The cops decide to teach Micky a lesson by holding him down and breaking his hand with a nightstick (they know he's a pro fighter). All of this, by the way is happening in front of a large crowd of people (at a time when the Rodney King beating was still fresh in people's minds). And as the brothers are being loaded up, Stage Mom Alice shows is shown screaming for Dickie. Despite the fact that all she saw was Micky being possibly crippled. Oh, is there any sort of follow up to this? Charges being filed? Ramifications to Micky's career? Nothing. Everyone acts like Micky busted up his hand in some sort of accident even when he runs into a group of cops at a diner. It would seem the movie makers didn't trust us - the audience - to understand the previous hour's worth of Dickey and Alice being Micky's personal millstones. It had to be made gratuitously explicit.
And it didn't even use his injury to include the surgery the real Micky Ward had to strengthen his weak right hand. Some anvils don't need to be dropped.
- The Romantic Comedy Bride Wars: The whole "war" is because the two main characters Liv and Emma will be married at the same place at the same time. Considering how they fantasize about their perfect wedding and having a double-wedding could be a fun idea in the hand of a decent writer, I wonder how is it a bad thing. Maybe it's Truth in Television but that still makes no sense.
- Doubly so, because their weddings were only on the same day and at different times. The flimsy Hand Wave this gets is that Liv is fed up with having shared everything with Emma for her entire life and wants a wedding day that's all to herself. So much for their friends forever bit.
- Then there's Liv having her batchelorette party the day before an important meeting.
- The Brave One has Jodie Foster taking revenge for her horrible beating and the death of her fiancee at the hands of a group of thugs by gunning down criminal types that so much as threaten her. She becomes close friends with the lead detective in her case, but he is also tracking down the one responsible for the recent shootings. He begins to realize that it is her, and steels himself against the idea of arresting her as he gathers evidence. Then he gets a copy of the cell phone recording one of the thugs made when they were beating Foster and her fiancee, and turns on a dime to help her. What the hell? He knew what had happened to her and sympathized, but the movie made it clear that he wasn't going to allow that to prevent him from bringing her in for murder. How does he go from saying to her that he would have to bring in a criminal, even if it was a loved one, to actively helping her commit and cover up a murder!? He even has her shoot him in the arm to make it look like he had shot the perp in self-defense. Absolutely ridiculous, the whole ending.
- Paparazzi has one of the biggest wallbangers of all time. The protagonist decides to start murdering paparazzi because they had caused a car crash that left his son in a coma, and the movie plays this off as totally acceptable Pay Evil unto Evil. Whatever. The absolutely unacceptable Dethroning Moment of Suck comes when the protagonist plants a bloody baseball bat in the final man's house, completely throwing the detective off of his trail even though he had overwhelming evidence that the actor was the murderer. Apparently, the idea that the actor could plant evidence never occurred to the detective, and despite the fact that evidence placed him at the scene of every other murder, he crosses him off of the suspect list and arrests the fourth paparazzi photographer.
- The Neverending Story 3. There is so much to complain about here, but what stuck out most in my mind was the Character Derailment of the Fantasians. In particular, Falcor and the Rockbiter. Falcor was a noble bastion of wisdom in the original film. Here, he's a dim-witted coward. The Rockbiter was changed to the Rockchewer (WHY?!) and now lives on what appears to be the Dinosaurs set with his curler-and-apron-wearing wife, and his son who sounds like he's sniffing helium on the sly. And he rides a tricycle. While singing Born To Be Wild. The makers of this movie clearly neither watched the first two films nor read the original book.
- CSA The Confederate States Of America in its entirety. The Confederacy conquers the Union (no) by winning at Gettysburg (no) with British and French assistance (no) in the form of ground troops (not even in the most die-hard secessionists' wet dreams). The Confederacy then goes to burn down New York and Boston, America's best and largest ports, even though the only reason Britain and France had any sympathy to the CSA was as a result of the cotton trade; yet, the Republican Party somehow endures when you'd assume they would have been put down as abolitionist subversives. Slavery continues into the 21st century. The American middle class, indeed, practically the whole modern world, turns out nearly identical to our own despite the massive changes to the political and economic landscape. The (all-white) Confederate Army conquers all of Latin America and eventually parts of the Middle East, and the Europeans are cool with that. White people are essentially the devil incarnate who like slavery just Forthe Evulz. Einstein gets his own slave hacienda. American (that is, white) culture is sterile, whereas Canadian culture (influenced by its large free black population) is the trendsetter; in this film, ethnic diversity is an absolute necessity for any form of cultural development, and any population that has ethnic diversity will develop automatically.
- The slavery bit is particularly irritating. In real life, by the time the Civil War broke out, slaves were extremely expensive (importation of slaves from Africa was banned in the early 1800s, thus limiting supply; an adult male slave could go for $400 on the low end), meaning slavery was the province entirely of the rich. As a result, even among those who were against abolition, support for slavery began to ebb as time went on, the working class viewing it as yet another privilege the wealthy had they never would; once the Emancipation Proclamation came out, Confederate morale collapsed, the soldiers famously coming to view the conflict as "a rich man's war and a poor man's fight". Many historians believe that had the Confederacy won, slavery would not have lasted indefinitely; before the Civil War, Lincoln had drafted plans for gradual and compensated cessation of slavery, which had received approval from Southern members of his cabinet, and it is not impossible to believe similar plans would happen in a successful CSA. In this movie, however, the CSA is basically Slaveryland - slaves are used for every possible purpose, slaves are sold on a site similar to eBay, and the only reason the Confederates don't approve of the Nazis is because they kill the Jews rather than enslave them. Talk about The Theme Park Version!
- In Breach, what possible reason could the FBI have for not telling O'Neill that he was really investigating a man suspected of treason? They weren't trying to surprise the audience, everyone already knew about the real life events and the movie even starts by showing the news of Hanssen's arrest. They don't even use the clichéd line 'he'd have seen right through you', they just expect the audience to ignore the lack of logic. In real life the FBI certainly didn't do anything so stupid.
- Rise of the Planet of the Apes is pretty much kicked off by a massive plot hole that just gets more ludicrous the more one thinks about it: How did no one notice that Bright Eyes had a baby? Even if you can swallow that dozens of scientists and professionals (including one brought in specifically for his expertise with primates) missed the pregnant ape, they were doing drug testing. One of the first things - if not the first thing - you do when testing experimental drugs is to do a full physical work-up on your test subjects; both to establish a physical baseline to compare effects to, and to make sure your subjects don't have any conditions that could skew the results of testing. One would think pregnancy would be one of the things you look for.
- Another skullslammer: Will (the main human character) considers ALZ-112 a failure because his father eventually developed resistance to it and his Alzheimer's came back with a vengeance. "Eventually" in this case, is seven years. A drug that could not only stop Alzheimer's in its track but make the patient's brain functions better than new for years? The company that made such a drug could name their price.*
current Alzheimer's drugs can only slow the disease down. And Will abandons it because it wasn't permanent. What an Idiot!
- The worst wallbanger in this film is a simple case of mathematics. Now not everyone reading this is a math whiz, but try to follow along anyway: a few hundred enhanced apes declare war on a few billion humans. And the humans have automatic weapons and helicopter gunships and tanks and bombs. Even if the apes were able to inflict 100:1 casualties (100 dead humans for each dead ape), they would lose through simple attrition long before the last human was conquered.
- That is because, as is implied at both the end of the film and more or less stated in the original series, that the more aggressive ALZ-112 goes on to become a global pandemic and wipes out most of humanity, leaving whatever is left to be enslaved by the apes.
- Good Luck Chuck is a pretty loathsome movie from start to finish, but it saves its biggest wallbanger to nail those who soldiered through to the end: Chuck (Dane Cook) has broken up with Cam (Jessica Alba), and realizes that the only way to get her back and keep her is to find the goth girl who cursed him originally. After finding her (now a pregnant housewife and mother), she tells Chuck that the curse can't be lifted, but if he was meant to be with a woman, the curse won't work. After the Race for Your Love, Airport-flavor climax, Chuck and Cam reunite, and we cut to Anisha (the goth girl)... removing a pin from a Chuck voodoo doll and putting it away - completely negating the "True Love Conquers All" message.
- The Polar Express: The film gave us the name of the poor boy, Billy, but the credits still show him as "Lonely Boy"?!?
- Back to the Future: The infamous problem with the Delorean reaching 88 miles per hour at the end of the second film which results in Doc being catapulted back to 1885. Now Word Of God has it that the lightning strike caused the car to spin at such velocity that it hit the required speed - the reasoning for the otherwise unexplainable flame trails leaving a 99 shaped trail after it disappears. Thing is... this is the perfect example of someone trying to solve a wallbanger by creating a wallbanger of equal size. If the Delorean spun at 88 miles an hour in mid-air and its stated in dialogue that the lightning strike shorted out the flying circuits there is no way in hell the Doc wouldn't have met an horrific fiery death crashing head first into the ground. Remember also that he wasn't even wearing a seat belt; an action that in real life kills people if they crash at 40 let alone 88.
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