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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
What Is This Thing You Call Love?

Love is not an argument, it's a predicate

Trying to use it inside of existing mathematical functions was pretty stupid. xkcd should have tried calling Love with various arguments, such as Your Mom.

Love is the electromagnetic force

Because fuckin' magnets, how do they work?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

Love is a falsehood

"'love' is an illusion caused by one's genes in order to replicate themselves."
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