WMG / The Ugly Barnacle

The Ugly Barnacle actually happened within the universe of Spongebob Squarepants
There was an ugly barnacle, and it did kill an underwater civilization of men and merpeople. The only survivors were either gods (Neptune) or superheroes (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy). Yes, yes, this inspired Atlantis. The underwater dead became so infected and mutated by the fallout of ugly that they spontaneously resurrected and became sentient. Yes, yes, Bikini Bottom is just like a past-Zombie Apocalypse civilization. And that is why Spongebob sometimes looks like an Eldritch Abomination.
  • Jossed, because everyone died.
    • Not necessarily. "Everyone" could refer to everyone in a specific REGION, and it may not affect Bikini Bottom.
    • Furthermore, even if everyone dies, who says they have to stay dead?
      • Just got an idea from that - the residents who died from the barnacle's ugliness died, and then they, through some process, came back to life as a form of zombie. Over time, they became the citizens of Rock Bottom.
      • The souls of the (humanesque) residents possessed the fauna. This explains how Mr. Krabs "sired" Pearl: they were father and daughter in the past life.
    • Alternately, we're looking at their afterlife.
  • Alternative alternately the show takes place After the end
  • Or it will happen in the distant future, and scientists managed to send a warning message back in time just before the Universe collapsed into the Ugliness Singularity. This warning was preserved and passed by oral tradition until eventually becoming the book.
In addition, Barnacle Boy got his name because the ugly barnacle killed his parents.
Mermaid Man took him in as an adopted son, where he tried to prevent such a tragedy from happening again.
  • For this to be true, it would have to mean that Barnacle Boy was elsewhere when the Ugly Barnacle struck. I support this theory.
    • Or Barnacle Boy could in fact be related to the Ugly Barnacle, which might explain his human-like appearance. Perhaps the residual effects of "the ugly" also gave him his superpowers.
    • Jossed. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy were both human, they gained their superpowers from over microwaved popcorn.
  • Or it could be that his fear of it inspired him to take up the moniker to terrify his enemies in the same vein as a certain other superhero.

The Ugly Barnacle is a metaphor for the atomic bomb.
It worked for Braid.
  • Since Spongebob is already known to take place under the Bikini Atoll which was known for atomic testing this might actually be true.
  • Alternate theory: The Ugly Barnacle was the very first creature to have been mutated by the radiation from the bomb.

The story is a victim of mistranslation.
The ugly barnacle was actually so ugly that everyone dyed...it pink, in order to make it cuter.

The barnacle was actually not ugly at all.
Patrick is dumb.

The barnacle is Cthulhu.
This explains many things, like its presence underwater, its ability to kill everyone, and why it's so ugly. Describing it as a barnacle is simply the closest comparison one can conceive to describing its true form.

The barnacle is some kind of sea Gorgon.
Well, being turned to stone kills people.

The Ugly Barnacle is an abridged version of the events of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
The story revolves around a character who is "ugly", which can be interpreted as someone who feels that they aren't worth anything. The "He was so ugly that everyone died" part is pretty much the events of Instrumentality, where the protagonist feels that both he and everyone else are worth nothing because they can't understand each other. The "The End" is a reaffirmation that "The End Of Evangelion" has occurred. The story is, however, ignorant of the glimmer of hope at the end, where Shinji and Asuka are alive, sitting next to each other at the beach.
  • To wit.
  • After The End Of Evangelion happened, the world was rebuilt. Kaworu rose up from the LCL sea and emigrated to the Bikini Bottom, pretending to be a dumb starfish. He became a friend of Spongebob and told The Ugly Barnacle tale to cheer him up. It did not work.

The Ugly Barnacle is the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion itself.
Disturbing imagery (best expressed as "ugly" without traumatizing one more individual), pessimism, and The End of the World as We Know It were way too much for everyone to bear. As the anime hit episode 23, some were so disgusted with the plight Rei had suffered, that they instantly died from heart attack. A few even went insane and began to perform surgical abortions on themselves. By the time of End of Evangelion, People committed mass suicide, accidentally killed themselves while popping their eyes out, starved to death because they couldn't stand eating something, or simply died from heart attack en masse. Fortunately, "everyone" in this tale meant every single person living on the landmass, so the marine life was safe. At least for now.

The Ugly Barnacle is Man.
  • Man kills things with ugliness?
  • Don't you mean MMMAAAANNNN?

The Ugly Barnacle was the demons.
And then, everyone turned into zombies.

Everyone's death is the cause of the Barnacle's ugliness, not a symptom.

We're all dead because the Ugly Barnacle killed everyone.

The Ugly Barnacle brought about the previous Apocalypse.
And we are all descended from it because it repopulated the world.
  • All the organisms on earth used to be incredibly beautiful... until the Ugly Barnacle killed them.

The Ugly Barnacle is the Walpurgis Night.

The Barnacle isn't actually a barnacle, but instead the Dark Dragon.
Its nightmarish, twisted visage caused reality itself to die, and be consumed by the Barnagon before it exploded into the new world, giving its life to revive everyone because of the influence of Lucas's heart.

Patrick wasn't telling a narrative tale, but rather recounting a history
All of it really happened. Indeed,it happened on dry land, and the "barnacle" was a human and the story took place in the (to us) present day, but the story was slightly warped over time to make it a barnacle. The few survivors (remember, it was warped in the telling, so not everyone died) retreated to the seas and over the millennia became more biologically compatible with marine life (perhaps some sort of machine was created to accelerate and manipulate genetic change). They remember almost nothing about their land origins save a few myths, including the story of their past society's downfall, and have only recently reached a point where their society parallels what modern humans have. Sandy- and probably all squirrels, really- is so strong because any creature would have to be to survive on land, as most of the world is a nuclear wasteland. Patrick is a keeper of ancient lore for...some reason. Maybe he's smarter than we think, or perhaps nobody else wanted the job. Patrick is warning Spongebob of the dangers of the past so he will make efforts to increase his good looks and so avert a repetition of the past.
  • You, Troper, are a brilliant scholar. I salute you and your works to further the knowledge of mankind.

The Ugly Barnacle is Haruhi Suzumiya.
Explains a lot, doesn't it?
  • She's certainly ugly enough

The Ugly Barnacle killed everybody.
He was shunned for his ugliness, causing psychological damage. He wanted revenge, and sought the power to take it upon all who rejected him.
  • So, the Ugly Barnacle is Carrie? Hell, I want in!

The word "barnacles" is a curse word in the Spongebob universe because of the Ugly Barnacle killing everyone, so the word is used when something is ugly, foul, or a generally bad situation.
Hey, the word's context had to come from somewhere.
The Ugly Barnacle is a time lord
It explains how everyone died, and yet Patrick was still around to tell the story. Alternately, Patrick is a time lord, and the events of the Ugly Barnacle haven't happened yet.
  • I'm pretty sure that everyone and there grandma has been accused of being a time lord by now
Additionally, every human being is descended from Rory.
Rory has died six times already. He's not going to let a 7th death stop him.
The barnacle is a god.
Patrick was exaggerating.
How could EVERYONE die, if we are alive right now?

There is an off screen character NAMED "Everyone"
And the Ugly Barnacle kills "Everyone" - the character with that name.

The story takes place in Purgatory...
...and "Everyone" was an alias being used by Jesus, who died.
  • And the barnacle is a metaphor for sin, then?

The story did help Spongebob
But he was in denial of it because it wasn't the story he was expecting.

The barnacle was phone
It went insane from being an outcast from society due to its ugliness. It was so crazy that it went on a killing spree, and one of the victims was the girl's father. And because it was so crazy, the barnacle then believed that IT was the girl's father, which is why it said to stay away from her, and referred to her as its daughter.

The Barnacle was Aizen
Being ugly was part of his plan to kill EVERYONE
  • Aizen, ugly?
    • He could be using Kyoka Suigetsu or maybe Patrick is referring to his final form

The Barnacle Was Once a Man.
Or maybe he was a barnacle man. Or maybe he was just a barnacle. But he was still ugly. So everyone burninated themselves.

Patrick was/is the barnacle
Patrick is an Eldritch Abomination who is recalling personal experience. He once lived on another planet, in another dimension, etcetera...His true form (i.e. his 'ugliness') killed everyone on said planet, in said dimension, etcetera...including his friends, loved ones, everyone! So riddled with guilt, and so wrought with grief, he came to Bikini Bottom, hoping to start a new life, disguising his true form. When Spongebob was upset over his own 'ugliness' Patrick reinvented his own tragic tale into a harmless children's story...it didn't help at all...That may be because he slowly went mad from the guilt/grief, or possibly hiding his true form. Subsequently, the story wouldn't exactly...convey...the desired effects. Either way, he is subtly telling Spongebob to get over himself, as HE knew firsthand that Spongebob was being dramatic. He has every right to be indignant. This also may coincide with his being a time-lord. This troper likes to believe his real name is Szaellcaraeth.

The Barnacle was only ugly from one point of view
Many barnacles travel on the bodies of larger animals, either in parasitic or communal relationships. This means that it might have been introduced to a radically different area. The standards for ugliness were different, or locals simply couldn't handle the sheer difference. This would be similar to how a simple butterfly was ugly enough to nearly make Bikini Bottom Go Mad from the Revelation Cthulhu-style in another episode, despite not causing direct harm. Ironically, the barnacle might not have even been aware of what was happening, as barnacles have limited, usually short range, senses.

Not everyone died directly from The Barnacle's ugliness
Maybe he looked at himself in the mirror, went crazy because despite all his efforts to look good, and decided to kill everyone so that he would be the most beautiful person in the world. Alternatively, just a few people actually saw the barnacle and did go crazy, killing everyone else. One of these people might have written the whole story down, which is how it survives to the present day.

The Ugly Barnacle is Dark Gaia

Everyone DID die, and they're all living in the Afterlife.
After all, even if the Barnacle DID reproduce, his offspring would also have died from the sheer ugliness.
  • This could also be fridge horror. After all, if he was so horrific everyone died then at least they would have been killed moments after gazing upon his ghastly visage. However, since they can't die any more they are now forced to look at him for all eternity.

No other charcters than Sonic and Eggman are in the game, and it was poorly recieved.

The Ugly Barnacle is Zim
  • Zim gave up taking over the world, so he just killed everyone in the sea, and took it over.
  • He's ugly, cause he's an alien, an Irken to be exact

We ALL have two lives each
Just that thanks to the main character, our first lives are used up.

Because what else could make it so everyone died? After all, the cracks destroyed everything in every timeline.
  • But if the cracks destroy timelines, they never lived to begin with, so how does the narrator know that they died?
    • The narrator is a time traveler.

The story was supposed to convey An Aesop about inner beauty
The ugly barnacle was a villain whose inner "ugliness" led to everyone dying at his hands. Patrick just didn't tell it right, because, well, he's Patrick.

The Ugly Barnacle is why Plankton has a phobia of whales
Barnacles are commonly associated with being stuck on whales.

The Ugly Barnacle is the reason "barnacles" is used as a form of profanity
The story, and thus the origin of the term, was lost until Patrick rediscovered it.

The Ugly Barnacle is a meteor impact or pollutants that induce(d) global warming.
The global warming will raise the sea level, drowning many cities and people. Meanwhile, it will make natural disasters happen more frequently and will make agriculture harder, reducing food production. In the end, the climate change is so severe that we all starve to death or get killed in wars for resources, just like how the dinosaurs did.
  • Maybe Patrick has been around since the dinosaur days, and is recounting them
Patrick wanted to say that Spongebob was not as ugly as the Barnacle.
At least, Spongebob does not kill everyone with his ugliness. Sadly, Patrick was not a good storyteller.

The Barnacle is a Daemon Prince of Malal.
with nothing to gain and not a trace of rage, it butchered a world simply because it was there. certainly fits the bill.

the ugly barnacle is Cthulhu in a dormant state and when he awakens...

The Ugly Barnacle is a tale about The Precursors from the StarCraft universe.
The Ugly Barnacle is thought to be either Sarah Kerrigan, Arcturus Mengsk, Zerg/Protoss Hybrids, the Void or some combination of the four.When the storytellers were asked how they looked like, they couldn't describe those individuals as anything but ugly-looking barnacles. Hence the oversimplified tale of how the Precursors fell.

The Ugly Barnacle is the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
So powerful, so irresistible, so devastating.

The Ugly Barnacle was not random improv by Patrick, it was actually a rather old parody of children's stories that Patrick took to be serious.
Because of how famous it was and how old it was, it also worked its way into culture, spawning the mild expletive "Barnacle(s)", used to refer to something that was ugly, unpleasant, or unfortunate.
  • ...What? Were you expecting something crazier?

The original barnacle was actually female, this fact was lost due to mistranslation.

"Everyone" does not actually refer to everyone; rather, it refers to one person who happens to be named Everyone.

Tobi is the barnacle
  • Alternatively the ten tails is the ten-tailed barnacle and the sage could only stop it by using his awesome Rinnegan powers

The barnacle is based on a serial killer.
The story is a simplified/altered version of a Bikini Bottom (or other) resident who was crazy and killed a bunch of other people. Or the story is based on a real killer, like Charles Manson or John Wayne Gacy.

Every "One" died.
The barnacle only killed people with the name "One."
  • To add to this, this includes everyone, or everyone who has been, a Chosen "One". Therefore, the barnacle is a textbook example of a Hero Killer.
    • Jossed, the closed captions (on both TV and Netflix), says "everyone".
      • Not really, the closed captions have been wrong before, saying "crabby patty" instead of krabby patty and "Bubble Bath" for Bubble Bass.

"Kill Again" was based on the story of the ugly barnacle.

Man-ray was the Ugly Barnacle.
Obviously, if everyone died the minute they looked at you, you'd start to notice it was something to do with you, mabye even Go Mad from the Isolation. Eventually the Barnacle decided he'd had enough and wanted to rejoin society. So he learned how to make a hypnosis helmet and took control of the first body he saw. But all that alone time had made him cross the Moral Event Horizon(and to be honest, wouldn't you?), and he ended up becoming the supervillian we love to hate today.

Need further proof? Remember that scene in Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III whereMan-ray removes his helmet, only to reveal he doesn't actually have a head?There's no way a humanoid body could survive without a head, unless there was no 'head' to begin with! Fortunately, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy knew that the Ugly Barnacle developed an allergy to cold things and tartar sauce and managed to kill him off for good. The only problem is, the body still thinks it's Man-ray...

Barnacle Boy is the Ugly Barnacle.
But everyone got resurrected and stabilized Barnacle Boy so that he can't kill anyone anymore.

Squidward is related to the Ugly Barnacle, and everyone knows it.
Why else would they torment him on end?
  • And in a recent episode, a criminal dumps chum on his face in order to become ugly (It Makes Sense in Context). Who does he look like afterwards? Squidward.

The barnacle left no witnesses
Can't blame him, at least no one will witness his ugliness

The barnacle wasn't really ugly.
When the story is presented in the Spongebob episode Something Smells it at first seems to be paralleling Spongebob's situation. In that episode Spongebob turned out to not actually be ugly, his breath just stinks. The Ugly Barnacle might have been in that same situation. The episode adds a new layer to the story of the barnacle. Note that ugliness can't normally kill people, but fumes can.

Everyone didn't actually die.
They dyed. Patrick Star never wrote down his original story (some people suspect that he was, in fact, illiterate) the listeners just misinterpreted what he said and wrote that everyone died.

The pokemon Binacle is the Ugly Barnacle
Look at it and try telling me it isn't ugly! As for why everyone died? He was so ugly that everyone made fun of him, so the Binacle got pissed, evolved into Barbaracle, and kill off everyone in revenge.

Only intelligent beings died.
The barnacle's ugliness killed everyone, not everything.

The Ugly Barnacle takes place in the Half-Life universe.
During the Black Mesa incident, one particularly ugly Barnacle was teleported to Earth from Xen and, in addition to being very ugly, kept ensnaring Black Mesa scientists, security guards, and HECU marines with its tongue, then ate them all. Because the Barnacle was so ugly and eating everyone, HECU nuked Black Mesa at the end of Opposing Force, so everybody (in Black Mesa) died. The end.

The "story" is only the front page of a book that Patrick never finished.
Rather than the entire story being two sentences, the body of the story is actually the first sentence. "The End." is actually a caption to the image below, which shows the aftermath of the events. The book then, would explain who "everyone" was and how his ugliness was responsible. Everyone refers to the main and supporting characters, while the book itself would end abruptly with the narrator dying.

Spongebob was The Ugly Barnacle.
The story didn't help him at all because it brought back horrible memories of his accidental genocide.

The Ugly Barnacle killed everyone, but not everyone of every species.
Think about it. If everyone died, how did they learn the story? Patrick didn't point out everyone of every species died. It could have just killed off all the Megalodons or something like that.

Literature/Edge of Tomorrow is actually the film version of this story
Think about it. The Omega is an ugly barnacle who kills everyone multiple times.

Honestly, it explains a lot. A barnacle so mind-bendingly ugly it can kill everyone with its ugliness? Isn't out of place with most SCPs. It also explains why the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom are still alive even though everyone died - the survivors pressed SCP-2000 or whatever the Bikini Bottom foundation branch's equivalent is. Hell, the barnacle might be even the real reason why SCP-2000 was built.

The Ugly Barnacle's killing of everyone is responsible for the nature of the universe as we know it.
The Barnacle's existence at any one point in time and space is what causes the entire universe to move in the direction of entropy. What Patrick really meant by "everyone died" was that The Barnacle is the sole reason anything dies in the first place. And since everything we know of eventually ceases to exist, that's how The Barnacle killed everyone!

The Ugly Barnacle is Phineas' Biological father.
It would explain why Phineas looks so fuckin' unkenny whenever he looks forward

The Ugly Barnacle is Decade's fault.

The Ugly Barnacle will end up joining the Straw Hat Pirates.
First of all, it's worth pointing out that both of the source materials feature pirates. Moving on. Barnacle has a very Dark and Troubled Past since it involuntarily killed everyone with its ugliness. The Ugly Barnacle is also quite powerful since anyone who looks at it dies. Luffy would let almost anyone join his crew (including a skeleton), so why not a barnacle? It has both a tragic backstory and a badass power to boot...let's face it, it's only a matter of time until The Ugly Barnacle becomes a Straw Hat.

Hey, Patrick didn't say that Ugly Barnacle killed everyone with its ugliness, it could've been anyone who committed omnicide due to it's ugliness.

The Ugly Barnacle is a Joker Undead who won the Battle Fight
When the Joker Undead wins the Battle Fight, all life on Earth dies. The Ugly Barnacle's power could've been that it was so ugly that any opponent who fought it killed themselves to avoid having to look at it. And it's power was so great that not even the blind were exempt.

In all obviousness, The Ugly Barnacle was a stand-in for Spongebob's rancid breath.

The Ugly Barnacle was The Toxic Avenger.
Toxie is pretty hideous and he tends to dismember and kill a lot of people in his movies. "Everyone" was merely referring to all the nasty criminals he faced.