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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Problem Sleuth
The main characters are all Clan Malkavian vampires from Vampire: The Masquerade

...trying to escape from a lunatic asylum (and succeeding, at some indeterminate point in the story). The "Elf Tears" are human blood. Also, the "Weasel Emmisary" is a Clan Ventrue Camarilla vampire. Just because. This means the player character is Malkav/The Malkavian Madness Network.

They Are in The Matrix

This Explain the Super Powers

Team Sleuth and Mobster Kingpin are exiles.

Specifically, from Prospit. Presumably, they were part of the troll's session.

Problem Sleuth takes place in the future after Homestuck
  • The reason for all the ananchronisms is because the Prospitians only learned culture from what they could salvage from humanity's wreckages.
  • The people are literally white skinned, but have mutated/evolved into being less carapaces and more human like (light on science but cool to think)

Alternatively, Team Sleuth and Mobster Kingpin have already played Sburb
And completed it. The passive and active players have been pitted against each other.
  • In that case- ROLE SPECULATION!
  • (Assuming Team Sleuth are passive)
    • Problem Sleuth- Seer of Heart
    • Pickle Inspector- Rogue of Space
    • Ace Dick- Bard of Life
    • Monster Kingpin- Thief of Doom
  • (Assuming Team Sleuth are active)
    • Problem Sleuth- Knight of Heart
    • Pickle Inspector- Heir of Space
    • Ace Dick- Prince of Life
    • Monster Kingpin- Page of Doom

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