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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Nintendo
The Power Glove is the predecessor of the Wii controller.
When you get down to it, the Power Glove and the Wii controller use the same technology. They both communicate with the TV via a sensor (or several, in the case of the Power Glove) and have a motion sensor. In fact, the only huge difference, minus the fact that the Wii remote doesn't suck, is the layout and general appearance.

Every important event in the video game industry since the North American Video Game Crash was part of an Evil Plan by one company: Nintendo, to corner the market.
Think about it. Who picked up the pieces of the Crash? Nintendo. Who pissed off Sony enough to get them to make the PlayStation line that ended the consoles of Sega? Nintendo. Who inspired iD Software, the company to eventually popularize the First-Person Shooter which is the staple of Microsoft's Xbox, to make their first game, Commander Keen? Nintendo. Who is winning the console war now despite little competition on the console? Nintendo. They made money off of every console and handheld they made. Even when Nintendo loses, they still win, a mark of a TRUE Chessmaster.
  • If so, why is there so much bad third party bandwagon crap on the Wii right now ?
  • Sega's revenge.
  • To make their own games look brilliant in comparison. Sure, Wii Music might not be the best game ever, but it's brilliant compared to Chicken Shoot and Ninjabread Man.
    • Tell that to the people stocking the only electronics market in my town, and the overpricers at the next greater town's GameStop.
    • It will all become clear sometime after the crowning of Global Emperor Iwata the First.
    • Iwata my ass! The real future emperor is Shigeru Miyamoto. Who rushed in to save the industry after the crash he himself planned? Miyamoto, with Super Mario Bros.. Miyamoto is credited with the Wii and the DS, which are Nintendo's long-planned reconquest of the industry. He's not just doing this as a power trip either: he has a very specific leftist agenda. For example, the hypothesis about Mario as a Communist icon (blue-collar worker standing up to free the nation from a despotic king, collecting the coins to redistribute them when the time comes), and don't you forget how much the Yoshi's Island opening sounded like the Soviet national anthem, or how Link is a man in a skirt who hangs around with fairies and whose sort-of girlfriend dresses as a man. Iwata is just a front, and Miyamoto is The Man Behind the Man.
  • Of course, Nintendo makes money on every console because of good business sense and appealing to a broader user base (the DS and Wii are prime examples), but this idea is better. And not mutually exclusive anyway.
  • Nintendo secretly paid Senators Joe Lieberman and Herb Kohl to hold their hearings on video game violence, which eventually led to the establishment of the ESRB. Most of the attention paid by the committee was to Sega games and a few PC games. Nintendo of America's CEO at the time vehemently reminded the committee of Nintendo's then-stringent standards of decency in the games they licensed.

Nintendo and Microsoft are secretly allied.
They plan to take down Sony by hoarding all the good games, splitting them between each other. The fact that the Xbox is releasing Katamari Damacy and Metal Gear games only serve to confirm this.
  • Jossed: If that were true, they'd've let Rare take Donkey Kong Country with them.
    • That'd be too obvious. Nintendo and Microsoft want to look like they are competing against each other so Sony doesn't get wise to the plan, and this is in fact true to an extent. To Microsoft, Sony is a threat to their OS monopoly, Windows. To Nintendo, Sony is a thief without honor, and undeserving of respect. Microsoft and Nintendo see each other as The Rival, and have actually teamed up on occasion, mostly involving the Nintendo DS or Rare.
      • How is Sony a threat to Microsoft's OS market? Sony don't make an OS, and the consumer PCs they sell come preloaded with, you guessed it, Microsoft Windows.
      • You look at a PS3 and then come back to me. It can install Linux for crying out loud, and the PS2 had its own version of Linux endorsed by Sony. A possible 100 million userbase having access to what could've led to a Linux Gaming PC naturally scared the crap out of Microsoft. Thus they headed them off at the pass with the Xbox.
      • One of the latest Three PS3 update changed this: you can't have an OS on it anymore. And if you had, the update gives you a warning, then erases it all. The only way to keep it is to never go online with the PS3 again.

Disney is planning to buy Nintendo.
  • They have stated that they wish to "buy either new characters or businesses that are capable of creating great characters and great stories."
    • After Marvel Comics and Lucasfilm, would you really be surprised?

Nintendo focusing on casual gaming wasn't done for profit.
It was done to troll hardcore gamers. That IT PRINTS MONEY! is nothing more than a very pleasant side-effect.
  • As an extension:

Nintendo has been trolling hardcore gamers since 1989.
Here are the occurrences of such trolling taking place:
  • The first articles announcing the Game Boy, when no pictures were released yet, described it as a "portable entertainment system", leading people to believe it would have been a portable NES. It turned out to have much more in common with a Game & Watch than an NES.
  • A game titled Super Mario's Wacky Worlds and three "great" Zelda games, were announced for the CD-i. What we got was a Mario game called Hotel Mario, where the goal is to shut doors, and the infamous Unholy Triforce.
  • The Virtual Boy was announced as a full-color virtual reality console called VR-32. It was released as a pair of goggles on a stand, capable only to display monochromatic (red) bitmap scenes.
  • The Nintendo 64 was announced as a console called Ultra 64, based on Silicon Graphics technology with advanced CGI capabilities that would rival supercomputers of the era. It was supposed to come out in 1995 and have pixel-perfect ports of Killer Instinct and Cruis'n USA (which allegedly used Ultra 64 hardware) as killer apps. It was released one year after the intended release date with completely different hardware, mediocre graphic capabilities, and crappy ports of those games.
  • In 1999, people were asking for a Pokémon game on Nintendo 64 that would beat the Game Boy Pokemon games in graphics and gameplay. In response, Nintendo released Pokémon Snap, a game where the goal is to take photographs of Pokemon.
    • That wasn't trolling, that was Nintendo making a game even better than what the Hardcore were calling for. It is, to date, probably the Pokemon game that the hardcore most call out for a sequel to.
  • The Gamecube was made to look like a toaster on purpose... for the lulz.
  • The Game Boy Advance went through 3 designs; the Nintendo DS went though 4. Each of them was generally just slightly better than the previous one, excepting the Game Boy Micro, which looked attractive but was so unergonomic that it was practically unusable. This was an obvious attempt of Nintendo to get people to buy the same thing again and again.
  • The Wii was given a name that means "urine" on purpose... for the lulz.
    • The name "Nintendo Wii U" is a straight-out confession: it can be interpreted as "Nintendo urinates on you".
  • When Avatar was in theaters, Satoru Iwata dissed stereoscopy calling it "a useless gimmick" and reminded people of the Virtual Boy, which was stereoscopic but a total fiasco. Six months later, he revealed the Nintendo 3DS, an autostereoscopic portable console.
    • The 2DS does away with the one feature that distinguished the 3DS from the competition (stereoscopy), it cannot be folded (so the screens are going to get a lot of scratches), it's larger than a 3DS XL (so it cannot be carried inside a pocket) and the screens themselves are smaller than those on the 3DS XL (so users are going to get more eyestrain). Word of God says it's targeted to children under 6 (who are supposed not to watch stereoscopic media), but we know better, especially considering that the 3DS has a control to disable 3D, if someone wants to.

Nintendo will never make a console in HD
  • As a way of trolling its fans and hardcore gamers, as well as following its trend of not following the lead of any console and not Pandering to the Base, Nintendo will probably refuse to make any console in HD.
    • I've heard that the next console will be able to play Blu-ray, which means it would need to be HD by definition. Besides, Nintendo is super-impressive in making games with low-res graphics; if anything, they'd hold back on HD because the pure awesomeness that would result from an HD Nintendo game would make the world explode. And then who would they sell to?
    • It is possible to play Gamecube and Wii games in HD, just not with a Gamecube or Wii. Dolphin is a Gamecube and Wii emulator for PC that is capable of displaying games in arbitrarily high resolutions, and if the computer is equipped with stereoscopic displays and drivers, even in real 3D. That's right: an emulator offers more functionality than the original consoles.
    • They said they would at the 2011 E3. But there's no release date yet, so the Wii U could be the console equivalent of Vaporware.
    • Not the case, recent interviews say it's Spring/Summer 2012.
      • After Spring/Summer 2012. They could take as much time as they want and it wouldn't be false advertising.
    • As of November 18th, 2012, the Wii U is out. It runs in HD. End of story.

Shigeru Miyamoto and Sakurai are of The Fair Folk
Unimaginably strange, capricious demeanor? Check. Enjoy practical jokes and act silly, but ultimately very dangerous and powerful? Check.

Nintendo is a front organization to funnel money to their elvish kin in Fairyland so that when they return out in the open, they will have the funding to be as powerful as ever right from the start. I for one welcome our new inscrutable overlords.
  • (laughs)

Nintendo planned on Microsoft and Sony doing motion controls.
Think about it, Nintendo was happy that Microsoft and Sony were adding motion controls to their respective consoles. They know when their motion controls got popular others would have no choice but to follow. That was the plan, once the competition fumbles with motion controls, Nintendo gets popular and makes money by bringing back all the classics. So Nintendo probably pulled off the biggest outwitting plan in video game history. (maniacal laughing!)
  • They'll probably do the same thing with 3D as well. Think about it, when the opposition starts to include 3D into their consoles (and possibly handhelds), they may start fumbling Virtual Boy style. After the Microsoft and Sony fanboys go blind, only those who believe in Nintendo will survive the impending apocalypse. These guys have probably been planning this from the very beginning. Their company has a Meaningful Name...
  • In the E3 of 2010, Nintendo released a set of games reflecting the classics. The competition? Casual gaming. At E3 of 2011, Nintendo is releasing information on the Wii 2. Again, eerily enough, it seems to be a return to traditional games.
    • Then bam, once they finally get Microsoft and Sony to follow in their footprints, Nintendo turns around and unleashes the Wii U onto the world.

Nintendo killed Segata Sanshiro
The missile attack on Sega’s headquarters was intended to draw out Segata Sanshiro, who Nintendo knew would sacrifice himself to save his beloved Sega. The only way for Nintendo to kill Segata Sanshiro was to force him to deflecting a missile barehanded, ride that missile out of the atmosphere, and explode in space – anything less wouldn’t have stopped him. Nintendo had the most to gain from slaying Sega Saturn’s incredibly awesome mascot.

Nintendo hates Shadow the Hedgehog
They made Rouge and Omega, his friends, boss characters. Shadow was playable.
  • Wha?
    • In Mario And Sonic at the Olympics.

The real reason Miyamoto has a gag order on his personal life...
Because no one would believe the truth that his game ideas come from personal experience. For example, he came up with Pikmin when he saw Olimar himself leading a Pikmin squad in his backyard garden.

We do not want to know what led him to design Devil World.

Nintendo's crap-radar uses an "AND" search instead of an "OR" search.
These guys are the patron saints of Surprise Creepy. The reason why is simple. Unlike many companies, which search for things like "Is it freaky OR is it surprisingly violent OR does it lend itself easily to Fridge Horror", Nintendo wonders "Is it freaky AND is it surprisingly violent AND does it lend itself easily to Fridge Horror". If it doesn't meet all the radar's searches, it gets a pass, explaining such wonders as the True Final Boss of Kirby's Dreamland 3, the main villain of Pokémon Black and White, and Ocarina of Time's Shadow Temple. And if a game should for some reason actually ping on the radar, it just gets published anyway as Eternal Darkness.

Miyamoto is training us to fight evil.
Think about it, many of the games he himself has written involve average everyday ordinary people (animal characters count) with extraordinary abilities:
  • Mario, an everyday handyman who can jump very high and has mushroom/star based powers.
  • Link, an odd job worker whom possesses unlimited courage.
  • Fox McCloud a fighter pilot whose skills in space are legendary.
  • Captain Olimar an astronaut whom has an entire race at his call.
  • Ness is an ordinary boy who has psychic powers and amazing friends.

Each of these characters have been leading albeit normal lives and jobs much like the real world and are called to adventure when the time comes.

The higher-ups at Nintendo can see into the future.
Seriously, they know what we want BEFORE WE WANT IT. Notice how when Nintendo comes out with something weird and new, everyone is skeptical, but when it comes out everyone tries it out and immediately wants it? And how the other big game makers try the same thing? People were skeptical about the Wii, but it became a huge hit and now the other companies are trying to make big motion-control software. Same with features of the Nintendo DS, the 3DS, and other game consoles. The only possible explanation is that the higher-ups can see into the future and take advantage of gaming trends.
  • Jossed by the existence of the Wii Vitality Sensor (a technology that was introduced and then never mentioned again) and consoles like the Gameboy Micro and the 2DS (less advanced than their predecessors).

Since the SNES, Nintendo (and Shigeru Miyamato) has tried to make things as hard on itself as possible, just for the challenge of it.
  • Why did they release the Virtual Boy in the first place? Why would they have let Sony go solo and create the Playstation, the system that ended Nintendo's unquestioned dominance? Why else would Miyamato then insist on cartridges, which led to the movement of Final Fantasy to the PS1, giving it it's first Killer App? Why else have they refused to put a "real" Pokemon game on a home console? Why were they so slow with online and HD capabilities? Why do they not release some of the internet's most wanted games outside of Japan? Why do they yo-yo between "casual" and "hardcore" every decade or two? Why did they price the 3DS so high and then publicly and humiliatingly lower the price, causing their stock to dive the worst it had had in decades? Simple: they see it all as a game and they want to have a challenge.
Nintendo is trying to make the first Holodeck
Much of the products they sold in the past both good and bad from Virtual Boy to Wii U are nothing more than previews. Virtual Boy while a commercial failure was merely designed to show how far they have gotten so far. Not to mention 3DS being the first ever handheld system with Glasses free 3D. Lastly Wii and Wii U with the motion controls. Each one is merely a piece of the puzzle they are trying to solve in an attempt to put us in the footsteps of our commercial game heroes.
Sony's goal is to impress Nintendo
Think about how the Japanese president speaks about Nintendo while only showing anger when Nintendo badmouths their technology. They also stated that they would want to use Mario in their games. The only Sony members that seem to see Nintendo as rivals are the American Branch. In my opinion Sony (or the Japanese branch at least) is still not happy at failing to attain a partnership with Nintendo and as such seek to gain such a partnership by impressing Nintendo with their technology. Of course we all know that Nintendo won't be impressed until they own the company.

Nintendo is subversively pushing the LGBTQ agenda through its games.
You've got two potentially genderqueer characters in the Mario series (Yoshi and Birdo), and two in the Zelda series (Sheik and Yuga). Perhaps they're subtly trying to tell us something?

The infamous failure of the Virtual Boy was the real reason why the Nintendo 64 was released as it was.
How could this be possible you ask? First of all ever heard about the Nintendo 64 DD? It was a disc based add-on console for the N64 that was only released in Japan during the late 90's. However did you know that the DD was announced for the system back in 1995 a year before the system itself was released. The Virtual Boy was released too early because the N64 wasn't ready to be released yet. (Nintendo originally wanted the Nintendo64 to be released in 1995 but the system wasn't ready yet so they rushed the Virtual Boy out the door to make up for that despite on how that system wasn't ready either.) The real reason why the N64 was cartridge based could be because Nintendo went with the earlier Catridge format model only to get the N64 out the door sooner to make up for the Virtual Boy's failure. So in other words if the Virtual Boy wasn't such an immense flop than the N64 could've been a considerably different system than the one we got in 1996.

The Infamous YOU CANNOT BEAT US ad was a secret plan by Sega to undermine Nintendo
Any young children who see the ad would be afraid of nintendo which would boost sales for Sega
Ninja GaidenWMG/Video GamesNintendo DS

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