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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide
One-Bite is dead.

One-bite was a severely abused boy who's parents fed him very little, if any, food and never packed him a lunch or gave him lunch money, not even enough for a little something from a vending machine. This is why he'd go out of his way to steal anything he could at lunch, including cafeteria food. (which is always hyped up to be worse then eating out of the trash, even in the real world)

This also explains how, even with all the stuff he 'one-bites', he remains almost frighteningly thin. It also explains how he showed up out of nowhere, because he was rarely at school anyway because of all his 'accidents', and so his parents ensured that he'd receive no food. This is also why no one ever reported One-Bite to the office for his thefts, they knew he would get in serious trouble and be ether beaten or receive even less food.

The nurse said that food that was too spicy would drive him to never want to eat again. Ned and Gordy, both blissfully unaware of the situation, created a huge volcano sandwich to trick One-Bite off of taking their food forever. Starving, One-Bite was unable to resist the bait. Then he said he'd “never take one bit out of anything ever again.” In the context of this theory, it translates to “I'll never eat anything ever again.”

One-Bite kept his promise to never take another kid's food, but eventually ether starved himself to death or was killed by a fierce beating after being so weak and malnourished.

This information was soon released around school. Crushed at what happened to One-Bite and how everyone was so blinded with protecting their own food that they ended up killing One-Bite, not a student nor teacher has ever brought up his name again. This explains why One-Bite hasn't even been mentioned since his episode.

Read the book A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer. The next time anyone sees this episode, keep this theory in mind and see what you feel.

Wow. Just...wow.

Moze has teleportation powers.
It explains how she could suddenly appear in front of the cafeteria door to block Cookie and give him the spirit stick in Guide to: Spirit Week, and how she could catch up to Ned when he was running to try and nickname himself Wheels without looking even a little winded. It also explains how she could quickly move into one trash can from another in Guide to: Crushes.

Cookie is a Spark.
Have you seen his inventions?

Moze is a macrophile
Why else would someone dream of growing to giant size?

Moze is in the age where hormones awaken your sexuality and your fetish. Several members of our community discovered their fetish pretty much at Moze's age.

And yes, there are females in our community.
  • Considering how terrified she was to be growing that big, and hated that she was tall in the real world, wouldn't it make more sense that she's the opposite?
    • Yes, I think she's a microphile but she is frightened of that as it's not strictly accepted by society.
      • I'm calling it: Moze is liveordie. Female, Deadpan Snarker, microphile. It all adds up.

Those sneakers didn't belong to Seth.
Seriously. Listen to Seth say "I am sad." That's Bad Bad Acting right there. His excitement was more of victory ("YES! WOO!) rather than relief that he didn't lose them to Ned.
  • He does act like that all the time, though, but the "YES! WOO!" makes it extremely suspect.

There is some connection between this series and Bill Willingham's Fables.
Think about it. Bigby Wolf; Ned Bigby; and the school teams are called the Wolves... that's got to be at least a Shout-Out.
  • It can't be a reference to the original story, either, because there's no other way in which Ned is big, bad, or a wolf.

Timmy Toot-Toot and Heppokomaru/Gasser from Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo are related.
They're both Asian. They both have superpowered flatulence....

Timmy Toot-Toot and Gasser are the same person.
We know Gasser can speak perfect American-style English because he does it in the dub (how's that for circular reasoning?), and we've never seen him in school. It's never been established that Timmy can't speak Japanese, and we've never seen him out of school. The blue hair is a wig to protect his real hair from the Hair Hunters.

The NDSSG verse is an Alternate Universe of the Recess universe.
Everyone in the main trio corresponds pretty well to a member of the Recess gang.
  • Ned is Alt Verse!T.J. Both are Book Dumb protagonists, as well as the idea guys. They both also have Innocent Blue Eyes and either are implied to or end up being the Official Couple with their best friend who also has been their neighbor for a while (Spinelli for T.J., Moze for Ned.)
  • Moze is Alt Verse!Spinelli. Both are tough, short tempered tomboys, the Deadpan Snarker of the group, have Brown Eyes, and got their nicknames (based on their last names) to more easily differentiate themselves from the multiple other people in their elementary school classes with their same first names.
    Ned: There were three Jennifers, but only one Moze. And there still is only one Moze!
    T.J.: There are a whole lotta Ashleys out there, but there's only one Spinelli.
    • Additionally, Spinelli has a love of metalworking, and Moze has a gift for woodworking. They both also end up with their best friends and neighbors (T.J. for Spinelli, Ned for Moze).
  • Cookie is Alt Verse!genderflippedGretchen. Both are the super genius, Tech Savvy Gadgeteer Genius of their group.
  • Loomer and his crew could be an Alt Verse!version of Lawson and his gang.

Polk is a Wizarding School, possibly in the Potterverse.
There's no way the Super-Tramp 3000 would've carried Cookie that far without grievous permanent injury; no way could Moze have built a fully-functioning two-story volcano inside the school in a couple of days; no way could Ned have been so oddly disfigured by his attempts to "look strong" only to revert to his normal self when he finally let his breath out - not by natural laws. Polk being a Wizarding School would explain a lot.

The second part of the assertion takes more stretching; you'll have to accept the theories offered on the Harry Potter page about electronics and the UK Ministry of Magic. But J.K. Rowling has said that British and American wizarding culture "aren't necessarily" as closely related as in Real Life.

And then there was the time that new kid wore a full Gryffindor House uniform on his first day. You'd think someone, somewhere along the way, would've told him to show up in jeans and a t-shirt, especially if it's part of The Masquerade. Apparently not.
  • Usually, that would be the assistant principal's job. Would you take fashion advice from Crubbs?
  • The Gryffindor uniform kid could just be a fan. People wear Harry Potter scarves in Real Life—it's not much of a stretch for someone to wear the full school uniform as a fashion statement.
    • On the first day at your new school? Now that's Otaku! And it's a good thing Polk didn't have its own uniform - or do jeans and a T-shirt count?
      • No. And considering how much the school colors are repeated in the walls, flooring, and lockers, you're right — it IS a good thing. Students would blend into the walls...
    • Perhaps the new kid thought that the Gryffindor uniform was typical English (magic) school garb, which is only slightly more ridiculous than believing that that Banker 1910 outfit was typicalEnglish day garb.
  • Judging from the students' wide age range and bizarre abilities, Polk could be a Wizarding School in the Negiverse.
  • The weasel could be a spell gone wrong.
    • Or an Animagius.
    • Or, going with the Negiverse Theory, a relative of Chamo.

Ned is the current generation of Blackadder.
"Ned" can be short for "Edmund", the family name could have been changed by the ancestor who fle-, um, immigrated to America, Ned is good at playing the system, and his general lack of Jerk Ass -ness could be explained by anything from self-awareness and personal effort, to simply the idealism of youth (every other Blackadder we've seen has been at least 30).

All of which means that somewhere in England there's a school with a Baldrick and a Percy who are missing their Blackadder...

Polk did have a uniform for a few years but dropped it, possibly just before the start of the series.
As in Real Life, the decision would have been made at the district level, probably in The Nineties. Pal probably opposed it, and Crubbs' lack of organization left him unable to tell whether someone was breaking the uniform code or had been opted out by their parents; thus, getting rid of the uniforms would have been a no-brainer just after the turn of the millennium.

The past use of uniforms would explain why almost everyone has a gray school T-shirt and why there are enough surplus green and yellow ones to issue them to everyone who participates in the car wash.

There is a weird connection between this show and Scrubs.
Sorta like an Alternate Universe or history where some of the characters are middle school aged and have different names. Ned could be Alt!J.D. — they both have wild day dreams; his best friend Cookie could be Alt!Turk. Both shows even have an Almighty Janitor!!
  • The show is the Live-Action Adaptation of J.D.'s own School Survival Guide.
  • If Cookie grows up to become Turk — how did THAT drop in intelligence happen?
  • And whatever happened to Moose?.... This screams for Fanfic!
  • Loomer = The Janitor. Think about it...

Ned didn't write a School Survival Guide
The show itself is the Guide. At all those times where we saw a notebook, we were just seeing a prop to make us believe that he wrote everything down.
  • One episode had Ned fretting over some tips being discarded from his locker.
    • It wouldn't be the first time an important guide got "cute."
    • Notice that the prop "guide" looks nothing like the "notebook" show ident graphics.
    • It could also be why all the adults are so over-the-top and hammy; their student approached them about being in his School Survival Guide, they agreed, and ended up having so much fun, that they stole every scene they were in.
Ned really did create a School Survival Guide and the show is a narrative story/anecdote on how it was created ala The Wonder Years, How I Met Your Mother...etc
Basically Ned really did make a School Survival Guide and years later as a adult actually published it as a series of children's books (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, etc.) And the show is only a humorous narrative by the author as how the books came to be. Or the show is told from the point of view of the Child reader in where humorous anecdotes about the creation of the books various chapters are laced throughout that tell how they were created when the author was their age.

The high school the students will go to will be an Academy of Adventure
C'mon, they're just asking for it. Ned's a Genre Savvy, Ordinary Middle School Student, Cookie's a Gadgeteer Genius, and Moze is an Action Girl in the making.
Carl Spackler is Gordy.
He changed his name and had facial reconstruction surgery after he destroyed the golf course in his failed gopher hunt, and decided to settle down as a school janitor...until he came across the weasel, and his fixation on wiping out small animals with extreme prejudice kicked in. The weasel was tipped off by the gopher to look out for "Gordy" after the job switch.

Seth is Sue Sylvester's son.
Well, they both love sports, and they always wear tracksuits, and then we add the choppy blonde hair...they're so similar! Seth is Sue Sylvester's son that she gave up for adoption after a fling, and he got adopted by his new parents. He got the nicer personality and lack of intelligence from his biological dad, but the rest of him is SO Sue.

OR

He's Brittany's cousin. Coz they're both stupid, pretty, blond athletes. You can just see them at a family reunion can't you?
  • Other than In Name Only geographic issues, Polk could very well feed into McKinley, their universes are so similar...

Ned Bigby and Clarissa Darling are related.

After watching all those Clarissa Explains It All reruns during The '90s Are All That, I'm convinced that Ned and Clarissa are related somehow. Really pay attention to both of them, while they aren't directly similar to each other, they do share a lot of character traits... plus seeming to be the only characters in both shows who frequently break the fourth wall and seem to be very savvy in solving their problems in life. While Clarissa isn't old enough to have be Ned's mother, if they had any relation it would be safe to bet that they are cousins with a huge age gap.

Ned's dad is not in the picture.
While other characters have mentioned both of their parents the only parent Ned has ever mentioned is his mother.
NCISWMG/Live-Action TVNever Mind the Buzzcocks

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