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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Glenn Beck
Because it just had to happen.

Glenn was kept on the air by Fox to make Bill O'Reilly , Sean Hannity and others seem like reasonable centrists by comparison.
This has been seriously proposed by at least one pundit.

Another clue is that, on a list of all possible actions on a given issue, political scientists call the space between the leftmost and rightmost ideas that are "worthy of being taken seriously" the Overton Window. Which is also the title of Beck's book. AHA! He's telling us that he exists outside the rightmost margin, dumping ever more insane ideas into the political discourse so that other so-called conservatives' nutty ideas don't sound quite so nutty anymore. SEE?!! Now buy some ripoff gold!
  • The ultimate irony: Beck is farther toward the center than O'Reilly(who is quite center-right) and Hannity(who is firmly Right-Wing).
    • Eh, depends what you consider the center. On a four-poled political spectrum, it's hard to say who would come out closest to the center.

The mere existence of a Wild Mass Guessing page for Glenn Beck will overload the fabric of reality.
  • Huh. I guess not.
    • Give it time.

Glenn Beck is a socialist.
Everything he does is a secret attempt to shift US politics to a more liberal center by making conservative political beliefs seem absurd in the extreme, so that genuine socialists will have a chance to be elected to high office.
  • A big problem with that theory is Glenn's primary reason for supporting Mitt Romney over Barack Obama is that Obama is a socialist (in his opinion, at least) and Romney isn't.

Glenn Beck has no overarching goal or objective, he just enjoys screwing with people's heads.
Thus making him the single largest troll to have ever lived.

Glenn Beck is right.
Crazy as theories sound, they're usually right.

Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990.
I'm not saying he did, I just think it's interesting that he's never denied it.
  • Yes, it is indeed quite curious how there has never been a police investigation into the manner. What does he have to hide?
    • However, there was a lawsuit over the websitenote ... though curiously enough, there wasn't an actual denial of the rumor.

Glenn Beck's last episode on Fox will be an all-out Mind Screw.
He will ensure his eternal fame by doing one or all of the following:
  • Referencing the "raped and murdered a girl in 1990" meme in the most intentionally suspicious way possible.
  • Bringing out half a dozen blackboards and creating a Grand Unifying Theory that makes a convincing argument that everyone in the world but him is a Secret-Socialist-Communist-Nazi.
  • Wreck his entire set with a sledgehammer.
  • Bluff his way to getting a direct live video call with President Obama.
  • Do the above to Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Bill O'Reilly, Shawn Hannity, and every single member of Congress, keeping them all on the line simultaneously.
    • He wouldn't need to bluff anything to get on the line with Jon Stewart. The latter's been wanting to get the opportunity to challenge Glenn Beck on his show for ages.
  • Do something that ensures that the Socialist Party USA wins not only the 2012 Presidental Election but future Congressional Elections and Gubernatorial Elections in a supermajority landslide.
  • Create a list of memes a mile long.
  • If only, if only. Instead, he simply picked up the microphone he'd had on his desk at CNN(and brought with him to Fox) and left the set the way he found it...

Glenn Beck is a legitimate emotional wreck who truly believes everything he says.

  • He has a long history of substance abuse that left him susceptible to wild fantasies.
  • He has not wavered in telling his version of his life story, although many details have been rebutted by the simplest of research.
  • He didn't just convert to the LDS faith, he latched onto an extremist subculture of Mormon culture and theology (W. Cleon Skousen, "The 5,000 Year Leap", etc.) that seems ludicrous to the average person, but speaks to him in a similar way that the misinterpretation of Beatles' songs did to Charles Manson.
  • His support of Mitt Romney in 2012 was a direct result of his belief in the "White Horse Prophecy", which, although not a part of LDS canon, is nonetheless ingrained within the socio-political fabric of Mormon culture.
  • Because that's the only way someone could subscribe to such beliefs?

J. J. AbramsWMG/PeopleGeorge Carlin

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