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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.

Elite Beat Agents

For the Japanese counterpart to this game, go here.

The Elite Beat Agents are a race of beneficial, symbiotic aliens and the Divas their adopted Successors

Think of it, nobody knows Khan's background, all the other Agents only have Codenames, and besides the Divas we never see their eyes. My conclusion is that they are a benevolent alien race that sustains itself on positive emotions and/or music and therefore makes it their duty to give humanity as much hope as possible, on an increasingly larger scale. That would explain why they get tired when the Elite-Meter gets low - they need nourishment. Also, this would explain why they were able to overcome the petrification - the combined music / shouts of the crowd strengthened them. The invaders, meanwhile, probably destroyed their home planet, which had them go to Earth and prepare for their inevitable strike. The Divas, meanwhile, are what Samus Aran is to the Chozo - similar to them, but adopted from a different race. Or maybe they are Human Aliens and they're the last females.
- The Divas are trained to handle the hardest challenges the EBA might face, so it makes sense that they were trained by Kahn himself—the evidence of this being that he and the Divas dance in exactly the same way.
  - If the Divas are adopted, how come they can tackle harder tasks then the Agents?
  - Maybe the agents aren't as powerful as they used to be, and require a new generation to take on the harder assignments.

Their NiceHats / hair are similar in function to a Green Lantern Power Battery

Similar to the one above. We even see the Divas wearing hats on their backs, for no apparent reason. I guess that maybe they save extra energy in them.
- They also have the same hat the Agent Chieftain wears yet no other agents wear them, connection?

The Agents are descended from the long-lost "human" branch of the Care Bear Cousins.

So the Care Bear Cousins have every mammal except homo sapien? No, no. See, when True Heart and Noble Heart were gathering them together, they missed the human "cousins" because they just looked like Hobbit-like members of the human race. They interbred with humanity like hobbits did and their descendants gained height. Just like how Cousins can gather bright emotions through musical "Calling", Agents can do so if they get the beats to their music correctly.

Music is Magic

The Agents' songs don't just motivate people to overcome adversity, the music actually actively alters reality. But the more powerful the incantation, the more difficult and complicated the spell is that must be performed. Think about it, what's more likely to summon a spirit back to Earth, motivation or magic? It's not that hard to swallow in a world where the attack of a fire-breathing golem doesn't require explanation.

Why the Agents don't actually do anything

(copied from the Ouendan WMG because nobody seems to care about that page) The first thing that just bugs people about this series is that the title characters just do their little routine instead of actually helping the target do what they're doing. The obvious explanation is that they're on shifted dimensions or something of the sort. So, why are they on shifted dimensions? Because they're Reapers or Angels. Their mission isn't to help these people— it's to increase their vibe. This also explains why the final mission never features new characters— only the people they've already "helped" have a high enough vibe to see the ~~Ouendan~~ Agents, much less fire a music lazer.

Sounds like a Fan Dumb kind of IJBM. The Agents and Ouendan are cheerleaders. Cheering on people to overcome adversity is what they do. And they're damn good at it. I doubt the Agents could beat up a giant fire-breathing golem, anyway.

Government Bureaucracy prevents the EBA from directly interfering with people's everyday lives

The Agents don't explicitly help these people out because if they do, they'd be showing partiality as a federal operation and would lose funding. How else are you going to pay for those random vehicles and out-of-this-world hairstyles?

Lucy is actually Agent Starr

Lucy, the heroine from the "You're the Inspiration" mission will grow up to become Agent Starr. Come on, not only did the Agents dance her dad back from the grave, she ended up starting the chant to save them before "Jumpin' Jack Flash"! This also implies that the Elite Beat Agents organization is capable of time travel. Also, the official artwork for "You're the Inspiration" has Agent Starr on it for no other apparent reason.

Um... no it doesn't? Also, it's proven that the EBA can travel through time, as proved by I Was Born To Love You.

The plot of ABC is actually a Show Within a Show cartoon.

Given all the similarities to that one Tom and Jerry short were Tom tries to save a baby that wandered onto a construction site, and then the Iris Out at the end..

The world of Elite Beat Agents is actually an alternate universe of Crackdown

Before you run away laughing, actually think about it. Both universes have a nigh-omnipotent Director, Agents who have beyond human abilities (Strength and the rest of the Core Skills in Crackdown, and the Agent's various supernatural abilities in EBA), and among other things, a plethora of super advanced forms of transportation, including a "Supercar". Perhaps in the EBA timeline after the defeat of the Invaders, a small sect of their forces managed to survive, and find a way into the Agent's HQ, stealing an early prototype of their timetraveling technology. Armed with said new technology, the remnants went back and somehow altered Commander Kahn's idealogy from one of peace to one of political manipulation, thus forming the Director of the Agency from Crackdown, thus also setting up the Director's blatant suspicion over any loud music blaring from run down areas on Pacific City's major islands.

Agent Chieftan and Agent Derek are related.

They frown constantly, have similair face structure and wear nearly identical shades. That's all there is to it, really.

The Elite Beat Divas are expies of the Caramelldansen girls.

The leader is blonde, and the other members have brown pigtails and that unusual violet/whitish hair.

The Rhombulans are actually being mind-controlled via their helmets.

Note how music is a huge weakness for the Rhombulans, yet in the first part of "Jumping Jack Flash," their helmets pop off and they suddenly become immune to the music's effects... Coincidence?

Perhaps the giant eye is actually the AI that rules over the Rhombulan race.

The Elite Beat Agency and the Ouendan are sub-divisions of the same organization.

Said organization is a worldwide hidden organization of the We Help the Helpless variety. Each of its divisions has a sort of "turf" where they can help people (so as not to have conflict with other divisions, something the EN apparently missed the memo about), and each one has a different uniform and gimmick to blend into their assigned area. Thus, male cheerleaders in Japan City and Men in Black in... America, apparently. Likely other countries in the world have their own cheer squad helping them out with their problems.

If so, then there must be a hell of a lot of problems brewing around Japan if they need two squads just to cover one (or two, it's not exactly the clearest subject) cities. And America looks awfully big in EBA. Maybe it's the meteor's fault?
OK, if we go with that, then how about there are sub-divisions within these sub-divisions, saying that it's possible for agents in the EBA to cover every acre in America while Ouendan has those two different teams. It can be said about other sub-divisions in other continents and countries, though how does that explains Ouendan and EBA teams going back in time and to other countries to help people in needs is up to debate. Unless the other countries' agencies are booked and/or don't have the technology to back in time, then it could be possible for other countries' teams can step in to help.

The Elite Beat Agents are the providers of Theme Song Power Ups

You know how the heroes always kick more butt if their theme song kicks in in the background? This is the doing of the Elite Beat Agents! Hence, why the songs don't always fit the scenarios in game (ie "Sk8ter Boi" for the the Jack the taxi driver). The songs aren't related to the incident necessarily, but are the personal theme songs those people have adopted in their lives.

Already in Grand Unifying Guesses. Granted, it's a very tiny section, but it's there. Might need the extra explanation from here.

The Elite Beat Agents are Spiral Warriors.

Let's see, Hot Blooded energetic Large Hams helping people overcome their challenges through sheer determination? Where have I seen that one before?

If the Agents are running on Spiral Power, then the Ouendan probably are too. And Fuji-1 was a prototype Gunmen. And the Rhombulans became Anti-Spirals in the future, just because.

Commander Khan is related to Major Monogram

They're both old guys who run a wacky organization, have alliterative names and have been spotted in bright red Hawaiian shirts at some point in time. And it would be cool.

"Ah, good morning Agent P, you’ve got somewhat of an unusual mission today. My brother, Kahn, I doubt you’ve heard of him, works for another organization – something to with dance - and needs our assistance! You’re mission is to team up with his team the erm, the...um...What're they called again Carl?" "The Elite Beat Agents, sir?" "Yes! Team up with the Elite Beat Agents, and help motive people and destroy evil using the power of dance! Good luck Agent P!"
- Crowning Moment of Awesome, above troper! Crowning Moment of Awesome.

Agent Derek is related to Midnight Venus.

It explains the ridiculous afros. And neither seem to be too fazed by supernatural happenings.

The Elite Beat Agents somehow harnessed a Flux Compacitor.

It probably explains how they went back to 15th Century Europe. If the Ouendan Cheer Squads were able to go to Ancient Egypt, the Elite Beat Agents probably have the same technology as them.

Elite

WildMassGuessing/Video Games

El Shaddai Ascension Of The Metatron