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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Cerebus the Aardvark
G-man orchestrated the entirety of Cerebus, from his beginning to his death, before his involvement in Half-Life.
He probably did it all for practice so he could manipulate Gordon Freeman more easily.

Sim presented increasingly rabid misogyny in the comic to make Cerebus the comic unloved and unmourned upon its death, just like Cerebus the character.
If you look at it this way, then it goes from being hateful to being one of the most brilliant examples of Mind Screw ever.
  • It's a form of copyright protection: nobody pirates something nobody wants to pay for.

Sim's "schizophrenic break" was a glimpse of God's plan, and he was trying to save our souls.
This Troper realized just before reading the final "phone book" that Sim had perfected hypnotism on the printed page, and snapped out of it. Now he wishes he hadn't.

Everything after issue 25 (aka Everything after the first "phonebook") was just a Reads by Oscar
Oscar heard of the Earth Pig's exploits and decided to write an experimental novel about him. His ego got the better of him and he inserted himself into the narrative TWICE (first in Jaka's Story and then in Melmoth). The real Cerebus never became prime minister or pope. He just remained the hardened mercenary he always was.
  • Upon finding out about the book, Cerebus is more or less disinterested until he finds out that the author made a bunch of money off of it. He, The Cockroach, and Elrod storm the publishing house and force them to sign over all the profits to Cerebus intead of to Oscar. Cerebus later decides to sit down and read the book and goes into a Heroic BSOD upon finding that Oscar has depicted him as a rapist, a child-killer...AND as being married to Red Sophia. He remedies this with ale. Unfortunately, the sheer amount of ale necessary to do the job ends up costing him all the money. Yet another adventure in the life of our aardvark hero.
    • Elrod himself is rather disturbed by how he was killed off and goes on an "Ah'm Not - Ah Say - Ah'm Not Dead" tour of the realm to reassure anyone who's read the book that he's still alive and well.
    • The Artist is convinced that his being portrayed first as an ill-tempered Butt Monkey in High Society and later as a creepy, One-Winged Angel murderer in Church and State is a well-deserved punishment for having let poor, poor Claremont die back in Issue 25, something he still feels awful about.

After his death, Cerebus was reincarnated as Phoney Bone
Upon his death, Cerebus was barred from getting into Heaven due to his misdeeds while he was still alive. His penance was to be sent to a parallel universe where he would be reborn as an orphan forced to look after his two cousins, where caring for them would pay said penance. Besides being reincarnated to a less-than-desirable situation, he now lacks the physical strength and combat expertise from his past life (although he has retained his greed, selfishness, and overall bad attitude). Upon Phoney's death, he will regain the memories of his past life and will be allowed to decide whether he wants to spend eternity in the form of Phoney or Cerebus.

Alternatively, Cerebus was reincarnated as Scott Pilgrim
Both Scott and Cerebus are the protagonists of Canadian-created independent comic books that chronicle the lives of their title characters. The last issue of Cerebus (which ended with Cerebus dying and receiving an unseen fate) was published in 2004, the same year the first Scott Pilgrim graphic novel came out. Cerebus (and his creator Dave Sim) had some serious issues with women, Scott has issues with women too, but managed to sort them out in the end. So, in a sense, Cerebus evolved (or shall we say, leveled up) into Scott Pilgrim.

Alternatively (again), Cerebus was reincarnated as Ezekiel.
Like Scott, there's the Canadian connection and the issues Ezekiel, Cerebus, and Dave Sim all have with women.
  • Ezekiel is probably an in-between for Cerebus and Scott; his relationships with the opposite sex obviously aren't ideal, but they're no where near as bad as Cerebus's, nor are they as good as Scott's ultimately end up being. Cerebus will level up into Ezekiel, who will level up into Scott Pilgrim

... Alternatively, Cerebus was reincarnated as Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown/Cerebus is drawn to his trademark stripey-shirt because a small part of him remembers his previous life and the events of Latter Days where he wore a similar shirt. Besides, being reincarnated as the definitive chew toy would be a pretty fitting retribution for his actions in Church and State.

Cerebus was reincarnated as Dave Sim.
Sim believes he wrote a work of fiction, but was actually penning the autobiography of his previous life, which only his subconscious remembers. How's that for a Mind Screw?

The Judge's Prophecy was 100 % Accurate
At first glance, it seems the Judge's prophecy about Cerebus living only a few more years is incorrect because Cerebus winds up dying as an old man. However, the Judge has lived for a very long time (and is likely immortal and ageless). Therefore, from the perspective of the Judge, Cerebus's extremely long life span was a short amount of time, or as he put it, "a few more years".
  • Maybe it was years in our world?
    • Either way, he was still 100 % accurate.

When the comic stopped being a parody of Conan the Barbarian, it became a Stealth Parody of Kull (or maybe a loose, unauthorized Comic Book Adaptation of Kull).
Kull is a king who eventually becomes depressed and feels his best years were from when before he became king. Cerebus himself acknowledges that he was at his happiest back in his barbarian days and his dabbling in power and politics bring him nothing in the long run save grief.
  • Also, Cerebus complaining about democracies while writing in the bar in issue 52 isn't really all that different from Kull's rant at the end of By This Axe, I Rule.

The Ada Talbot that Jaka meets in the Cirinist Dungeon in Jaka's Story is a body double.
The Cirinists are shown to have detailed files on almost anyone, it's quite possible that instead of her actual childhood Nurse it was an impostor placed next to Jaka's cell in an attempt to help break her spirit. Also note that in the Epilogue, the two maids in Palnu mention the fact that Ada has died but they never mention that she was arrested or executed.
Castle WaitingWMG/ComicsCondorito

alternative title(s): Cerebus
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