All the crosses are marked I.N.R.I. It's Latin for 'Did Not Do The Research'
The You Testament is a speculative what-if game by the indie developer Mat Dickie, better know among his fans and Hatedom as MDickie. In it, you take the role of a disciple of Jesus Christ, who follows his teacher through the stories of Jesus found in the Bible; incredibly loose versions of the stories, that barely resemble any extant edition of the Bible.Although The You Testament was meant to be MDickie's last game, he eventually changed his mind and made a sequel (actually a mod of the first game), Making of a Prophet, about Muhammad, the founder of Islam.This game has examples of:
Aerith and Bob: Oooooh, so much. Characters in The Making Of A Prophet can go from being named Muhammad to Plato to Buddha to Wendy.
All Crimes Are Equal: A quick dive into the source code shows that, when facing a jury, the player always has a 50/50 chance of being imprisoned or set free, regardless of the crime you committed. In fact, the only thing your crime actually changes is the chances of receiving a certain punishment: the more severe the crime, the more likely you are to be crucified, rather than imprisoned or having your eyes gouged out.
Artificial Stupidity: The AI for most of the people on the map can only be described as random, with a penchant for acting like complete jerks. Characters will wander to one corner of the map, stand there for a while, walk to the center of the map, sit down for a few seconds, get back up, walk over to another character and start violently beating them for no reason until they fall over, then walk over to you, steal whatever it is you're holding and run for it (and if course, if you try to take it back, they'll claim it's theirs and threaten you to give it back.)
Artistic License - History: MDickie just generally played fast and loose with both history and religion in both games, but the real crowner would have to be the crucifixions in the second game. In his Let's Play, Daeren acknowledges that it's just barely plausible that they might have still been carrying out crucifixions, but then he takes a closer look at the crosses: every one of them bears a sign that reads "INRI". INRI is short for a phrase which translates in English to "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews". In other words, this should only have appeared on one cross in the first game (guess). In the Let's Play, this discovery causes a massive freakout in both Daeren and his character.
Author Tract: Both it and its sequel delve into Dickie's views on religion, using both religious figures as a mouthpiece.
Awesome, but Impractical: The Strength Miracle, which grants you Super Strength and the ability to curbstomp your enemies. The downside? Well, the miracle requires your Soul Meter. Punching people reduces that meter. When you kill someone, the meter completely drains, and when the meter drains, your miracle goes bye bye. Not to mention that it's on the very top of your Miracle Tree, which means you have to be patient in order to select it, which by that point you'd probably be interrupted by someone.
"Blind Idiot" Translation: By a guy who speaks English, even! Almost none of the dialog actually appears in any edition of the Bible. The stuff that comes anywhere close is either badly paraphrased, or a Frankensteinian mishmash of several verses.
Book Ends: You meet your first disciple at the end of the story in the same spot you met Jesus in at the beginning. It's even funnier if the random character generator makes your disciple a Roman soldier.
Also, in The Making Of A Prophet, you meet Arjuna, your protege in the same spot you met Muhammad in the beginning. He also seems to look exactly like Muhammad if he were a kid.
Breaking the Fourth Wall/Painting The Medium: If you hang around with Jesus long enough, He will eventually teach you the skill that lets you see the world as it really is. This translates to playing the game in wireframe mode.
Cant Get Away With Nuthin: Contrasting with the Weirdness Censor down below, if you try to do half of those things, you're more than likely going to get caught. And nine times out of ten, when you do, you're gonna be crucified!
In The You Testament, the player is a composite of several random people Jesus helped, as well as Peter and Judas Iscariot. The player also appears to be a stand-in for Lazarus, despite the actual Lazarus appearing and being resurrected as per the gospels.
Controllable Helplessness: Getting imprisoned or crucified. If you've learned to meditate, you may be able to use it to escape from a cross. For jail, there's really nothing to do but wait it out. That or cheat your way out.
If you empty your Mind meter entirely, your character will briefly go insane, acting on his own with the player unable to do anything.
Fade to White: Death in the first game does this, as does the fake death following Lazarus, and the end of the game after you have talked to the disciple.
Fetch Quest: Mostly subverted in the first game - after the first one, which is just "bring me any item", you learn the Manifestation power. With it you can just make whatever item is asked for later yourself, although doing so consumes a large amount of Spirit. In the second game you get Manifestation much later, and have to actually find items until that.
Final Death: A rare example happening to the Player Character: when you die, the game erases your save file. That's about as final as it gets, folks.
Fission Mailed: In the original game, after Jesus resurrects Lazarus, the player keels over and dies for no reason, complete with the requisite Fade to White, only for Jesus to resurrect you. To make things even more confusing, Jesus collapsed and seemed very weak after resurrecting Lazarus, but He seems in perfect health after bringing back the player. At least, unless the script glitches, as it is prone to doing - then you may end up being resurrected and lectured to by a comatose Jesus.
Going Through the Motions: Especially noticeable as there are only a half-dozen different poses, and all of them look rather awkward.
Idiot Programming: Among other gems, the "exit program" function works by deliberately crashing the game.
Interface Screw: If your character gets blinded, you as the player can still see normally but your movement controls get inverted.
Lazy Artist: Reusing a lot of elements from the first game, this was inevitable for Making of a Prophet, in particular with "INRI" on all the crosses. From a coding standpoint, most of both of these games are recycled from elements found in previous M. Dickie games such as his wrestling game or his prison simulator.
Made of Plasticine: with the "Gore" option set to Extreme (which it defaults to), it's not uncommon for the frequent brawls to result in people hobbling around with missing body parts.
Magi Babble: The You Testament is overflowing with pop new-wave references to various mystical philosophies and one amazing line is when Jesus heals you. "No problem! I'll just realign your molecular structure!"
Medium Awareness: Bizarrely, both Muhammed and Jesus seem to be aware that they're in a video game, because they're able to see their own subtitles, they can turn on wireframe mode to make you "see the world as it really is!" and make allusions to the words of Heaven being the very text the game is coded upon.
And for Muhammed, in combination with Word Of God, he mentions how Allah would read from the records of each and every person on Judgement Day. Those records? The Data-File for the characters.
Mr. Seahorse: The game generates a lover and child for the player character. If the player character is female, the male lover will still claim the player got him pregnant.
Not His Sled: The player betrays Jesus, rather than Judas Iscariot.
Obvious Beta: Of the late beta sort - playable, but clearly wonky, and never receiving proper quality assurance testing. The creator himself said he rarely plays his own games when he's "done" with them; it's pretty obvious this includes not doing any playtesting.
Only One Female Mold: There are several male body types, but only one female. In fact, you make a character female by assigning it a female body - you're still free to give "her" a face with a 5 o'clock shadow or Snidely Whiplash moustache.
Out-of-Character Moment: Not every day where, if you accidentally attack Jesus, that our Lord and Savior will be willing to lay the smack down on you for doing so.note He's supposed to just lecture you about the pointlessness of violence, but sometimes the game AI glitches and makes him use the default NPC reactions instead.
Religion is Magic: You get a whole bunch of strange abilities for following Jesus or Muhammad, including healing hands, the ability to alter the terrain, and if you're evil, fireballs!
Ridiculously Average Guy/Composite Character: Your character is basically every incidental person from the Bible who encounters Jesus and learns a lesson without necessarily becoming a dedicated follower. This occasionally requires that the story be mangled out of shape so that some random guy fits.
Space Compression: To a rather extreme degree. To give an example, Jerusalem consists of just the temple, which itself has been simplified into a single room.
Title Drop: A particularly clumsy one, too. "And when they write down their unique version of the experience, it will be called The You Testament."
Unwinnable by Design: A number of instances. If you make your character as small as possible, it's actually possible to get yourself stuck in a pool within the temple. As well, if you're hung on the cross along with Jesus and you're able to break free, Jesus dies as programmed and you're unable to continue with the story as is.
Visual Novel: It might not seem like it, but this has enough of the requirements fulfilled to be considered one.
Weirdness Censor: People regularly beat each other up, hopping around on one leg, walking without legs, knock others down, hug people and then start beating up the person they hugged, steal items from others...boy.