Video Game: Twin Blades

Twin Blades is a simple beat 'em up originally released as an iPhone app game and shortly after as an Xbox Live Indie game.

There is no real plot other than what is implied by the action: A bunch of dead guys are attacking and one rather suggestively-dressed nun with a scythe in one hand and a magical gun in the other is straight-up kicking their asses. For 31 days straight. Since been updated, an evil spirit is trying to usher in a zombie apocalypse and destroy the world. This means that the Church has to send out its zombie hunters to deal with all the zombies and find out who or what is making them. Your character, Sister Angelika, is one of the best at it though she's under some the watchful eye of the Church due to rumours of a relationship with another nun

It's simple and the balance is a little off (so far), but it's fun, and the action gets quite intense as the zombie hordes choke the screen. For one buck (on the iPhone) or three (on the Xbox), it's a fine way to whittle away the time. The official website is here.


This game has examples of:

  • Action Dress Rip: The heroine's skirt has an extraordinarily high cut to allow for easier movement. Seriously, there's no other motive for her to be flashing that much leg.
  • Awesome but Impractical: Your scythe looks cool and is pretty powerful against early zombies when maxed out, but as the days drag on - the zombies quickly toughen up to the point where it'll take a ton of slashes to down them. Unfortunately the scythe isn't that long and Angelika twirls around with her attacks when you upgrade your scythe, this can easily put you into range of the zombies. Zombies by this time will be able to kill Angelika in 2 seconds. At this point, your scythe is mostly used for stealing enough energy to fire your Holy Beam.
    • Completing your arsenal is actually worse than useless, it's downright detrimental. The only gun that is absolutely necessary is the Holy Beam (it's the only weapon capable of hurting the final boss, the flamethrower and ice gun are useful for bosses that can change their shield vulnerability but not absolutely necessary). Having too many guns just makes it harder to scroll through your arsenal. The explosives gun and machine gun are redundant to your regular pistol (though either one are very nice when fully upgraded, just avoid getting both).
  • Beauty Is Never Tarnished: When slain, the heroine simply slumps to her knees and collapses, as if exhausted. Contrast what happens to everything she fights against...
  • Bleached Underpants: In a manner of speaking. The heroine was inspired by an old Italian nun-themed porno, but to what extent remains unknown.
  • Bloody Hilarious: Zombies burst into bloody chunks when you finish them off with the scythe, and likewise have unique death animations when fried, frozen, or nuked.
  • Bury Your Gays: Sister Magdelena isn't just killed off in-story, at the end of the game Sister Angelika finds out that the Church will not bury her corpse on account of having "tainted wounds". Instead the Church has decreed her beyond salvation and must consign her body to the fire.
  • Church Militant: The heroine is well-armed, but she looks pretty amicable.
  • Clothing Damage: When hit by a melee attack, the sound effect is one of cloth ripping, though there's no representation of it on the heroine.
  • Death Ray: At full power, the Holy Beam will cut through all zombies in a line regardless of armor in a 2 second burst, even the bosses lose 1/3 of their health when you empty the magazine once on them. Completely practical and absolutely awesome, the Holy Beam will become your main weapon against the hordes of zombies with your scythe mostly for recharging your gun.
  • Excuse Plot: Averted... in that the plot was cut entirely to speed development time and keep the action going.
  • Fanservice: The heroine, full stop.
  • Guide Dang It: Lots of people missed that there's a second tab in the upgrade shop that upgrades the nun's non-gun abilities, including melee damage and health, as well as unlocking a vitally-important down-stab attack.
  • Les Yay: Your nun Sister Angelika is the forbidden lover of fellow nun Sister Magdelena
  • Naughty Nuns: Hey, why not?
  • Nintendo Hard: The game starts off easy, and then the ambulatory corpses just keep on rising... it doesn't help that you'll be fully upgraded long before you reach the final day, and they keep getting tougher.
  • Non-Indicative Name: The heroine has one blade and one gun. The subtitle, "Reaping Vanguard," is more accurate.
  • Nun Too Holy: The heroine is a nun in a red, high-cut habit with a plunging neckline who kills zombies for... some reason.
  • Oh Crap!: What you'll be saying as zombies start emerging by the dozen in later days.
  • One-Hit Kill: When fully upgraded, your Explosives gun will do this to even maxed-out armoured zombies. Likewise your Holy Beam will one shot any zombie mooks in a 2 second beam, once it's been fully upgraded.
  • Porn Without Plot: Plot? Ehhh... we'll patch it in later. (Due for the end of February, as it happens.)
  • RPG Elements: You can upgrade your weapons and the nun's base abilities by paying in zombie hearts.
  • Scenery Porn: The gorgeous background paintings.
  • Sinister Scythe: The heroine drags a massive scythe behind her for hacking zombies to bits.
  • Sugar Apocalypse: The bright, colorful, cartoony backgrounds and heroine are threatened by dweeby/gruesome zombies who blow up quite impressively upon re-death.
  • Swiss Army Weapon: The nun's energy-fueled gun can shoot a variety of zombie-blasting shots:
  • Word of God: has supplied us with what little we know about the story.
  • Zombie Apocalypse: Thirty-one straight days of walkin' dead.
This page has not been indexed. Please choose a satisfying and delicious index page to put it on.