—The opening conversation of Link: The Faces of Evil.
Mahboi, this description is what all true tropers strive for!!A series of games based on The Legend Of Zelda (as Philips didn't have the rights to the franchise name, none of them actually use the name "Legend of Zelda" anywhere) made in the early 90s, as part of Philips Electronics' deal with Nintendo's SNESCDROM. The idea fell through, but Philips had been given the right to make several games based on Nintendo characters (not their respective franchises, just the characters), in this case from Mario and Zelda. So, along with Hotel Mario, they made three games for the Philips CD-i system: Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon and Zelda's Adventure. These are not regardedas canon by Nintendo, and are ignored by the timeline inside Zelda's 25th anniversary artbook Hyrule Historia.In the Faces of Evil, Link had to travel to the island of Koridai to liberate it from Ganon's forces; the Wand of Gamelon featured Zelda traveling to Gamelon to save her father — King Harkinian — and Link.The games are quite famous on the internet due to their animated cutscenes, often regarded as hammy, bizarre, and unintentionally hilarious; as a result, they are one of the sources most often used for humorous remix videos known as Youtube Poop.
These are the examples of evil. You must read each:
Morshu: "You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough rubies."
Morshu: "Sorry, Link, I can't give credit. Come back when you're a little, mmmmm... richer!"
Ushrom: "Of course I'm on your side, but I still have to sell this stuff. Just pick what you want. I'll handle the rubies."
Adipose Rex: Harkinian, no doubt from all the dinner.
All There Is To Know About The Crying Game: When poopers still went to Quebec Gamers to obtain material to edit, the only scenes most knew about were the beginning and end. It wasn't until later when the rest of the games went memetic.
Almost Kiss: The visuals near the end of Faces Of Evil suggest one of these between Link and Zelda. Of course, what those visuals actually intended to accomplish is unclear.
King Harkinian: "I'll take the Triforce of Courage to protect me."
And I Must Scream: The woman in Faces of Evil who is frozen. When Link thaws her, she thanks him by giving him a drink of Water of Life — then promptly freezes again. And you can just keep rethawing (and refreezing) her whenever you want. FridgeHorror much?
Goronu threatens to do this to Link;
"I may be hideous, but after a year of being frozen, you will beg to join me!"
Ganon's fate in the end of Faces of Evil and Wand Of Gamelon is being trapped in a book for who knows how long.
Behind the Black: In Wand of Gamelon, if it wasn't for Impa telling you, you would have no idea that the mayor and the baker were being captured by Ganon's mooks because they're not shown in that cutscene.
Better Than It Sounds: In gameplay terms, of course. Even with hammy cutscenes and no-effort last boss, it's just too far from what is usually called worst games ever.
There are gameplay woes, though. Inefficient button-mapping is a big one for the first two games (using only two of the CD-I's 3 buttons, causing all sorts of issues from opening the menu screen to being able to attack certain creatures), as are busy backgrounds (it's difficult to determine what you can stand on just by a first glance), issues with darkness, and enemy pop-in. Zelda's Adventure has Loads and Loads of Loading and some weird conventions (like equipping money as an item before you can buy anything), though it is better developed than Faces of Evil or Wand of Gamelon.
Canon Discontinuity: Nintendo officially pretends these games never existed. Nintendo Power advertised Spirit Tracks as the first time Zelda actually joins the adventure instead of waiting in the background to be rescued. Zelda was the player character in two of these games. Also, they don't appear part of the intricate timeline of the Hyrule Historia artbook.
Nintendo Power occasionally did acknowledge the existence of the games, but only to mock them.
The other CDI game ignored it by insisting that only Link could defeat Ganon.
Canon Immigrant: Unintentional, but lamp oil, which first appears as an item in Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon, becomes a real Zelda item in Twilight Princess. There was a lantern in A Link to the Past, but it ran on Link's magic power.
Gwonam: "It is written: Only Link can defeat Ganon."
Cool and Unusual Punishment: Duke Onkled's punishment for assisting Ganon is to scrub all the floors in Hyrule.
Curb-Stomp Battle: All the bosses in Link: The Faces of Evil and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon (yes, INCLUDING Ganon) can be beaten by throwing the right object at them once.
Ice Queen: "This shield both sword and spear deflects, but cannot stop the vilest curse. This crystal makes the shield reflect, cursing the curser with twice thecurse."
Depth Perplexion: Sometimes the perspective of the game, platforms, and the enemies make no sense.
Expy: Philips manages to takes this to ridiculous levels by having expies of some of the bosses in Faces of Evil appear under different names in Wand Of Gamelon:
Hard Levels, Easy Bosses: Of an even worse magnitude than Zelda II. In Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon, whereas Link and Zelda have to bust their asses to defeat the mooks, all the bosses die with one hit. Even Ganon himself — Link must must throw the Book of Koridai at him; Zelda must use the titular wand to summon binding chains... and then the book inexplicably reappears again to seal Ganon.
A curious subversion is the first fight with Militron in Faces of Evil. You dare face him without a Power Sword on full health? FEEL THE FIRE OF WAR! And start that battle-screen again, avoiding the mooks who try to hurt your hearts, thus disabling shooting ability.
Mr. Exposition: Gwonam in Faces of Evil, who shows up in every level to invite Link to "look and see" what the Monster of the Week is doing this time, and Impa in Wand of Gamelon. Gaspra, the old man who sends Zelda on her quest in Zelda's Adventure, also counts.
Never Say "Die": Averted quite often. They also say "kill" quite a few times. This was unusual for the series at the time as all Zelda materials before that had used that trope.
Ganon: "Join me, Link! And I will make your face the grrreatest in Koridai! Or else you will die!"
Off Model: Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon's animation.
Ominous Pipe Organ: Gibdo is playing one during a cutscene, despite being at the top of the church and nowhere near the organ.
Only Mostly Dead: You fight Goronu twice in Faces of Evil, first in the Face of Goronu and later the revived Goronu in Fortress Centrum who at first appears to be a sleeping Zelda.
Plot Hole: The ending to Wand of Gamelon makes no sense whatsoever. How and when did Link get trapped in a mirror? How come The King acknowledges Zelda saving him only after they're back in the castle? What are The King and Zelda laughing at?
Militron: "Worthless Koridian, you must be hardened with fire!"
Militron: "Feel the fire of war!"
Recurring Boss: You fight Goronu twice in Faces of Evil, first in the face of Goronu and later the revived Goronu in Fortress Centrum who at first appears to be a sleeping Zelda.
In Faces of Evil, you fight every boss twice, except for Lupay and Ganon.
Recursive Adaptation: Link's obsession with getting a kiss from Zelda, and the portrayal of the King of Hyrule as a maniacal fat man and having the name "Harkinian", suggest that the developers had the cartoon in mind rather than the games.
On a side note, this is the first game where Ganon appears not as a blue boar monster, but as a dark-green-skinned warlock with green/red/brown cape. Hello, Ocarina of Time!◊
King Harkinian: "Zelda, Duke Onkled is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him"
King Harkinian: "How can we help?"
Scenery Porn: For the time these games were made, it's actually rather beautiful. (1993 and 1995) Zelda's Adventure tried to make things look realistic, and a few rooms in the game actually do look pretty stunning.
Screw This, I'm Outta Here: After Zelda kills Iron Knuckle, one of the Armos says "He's dead. Let's get out of here."
Sdrawkcab Name: Zelda's Adventure takes place in the land of Tolemac. There's also Morshu and Ushrom.
Some Dexterity Required: Controls in this game when to use items etc. are very complex, due to the controller only having two buttons, far too little for a game like this.
Ipo: "Listen! Such is the power of the Prince of Darkness, that he can kill with a single look! Attacks against Ganon will prove fruitless unless Link attacks with the sacred book."
World of Ham: Even shopkeepers and common townspeople deliver their lines in the most poetic possible way. One might wonder if they're this theatrical to everyone they meet.
Ganon: "In the darkest nightmare hour, when not moon nor sun had risen, I take Zelda in my power, I shall keep her in my prison."
alternative title(s): Zelda C Di Games; Wand Of Gamelon; Link Faces Of Evil; Faces Of Evil; Zeldas Adventure; Zelda C Di; Unholy Triforce; The Unholy Triforce; Zelda The Wand Of Gamelon; Link The Faces Of Evil; The Legend Of Zelda C Di Games; Legend Of Zelda CDI Games
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