Video Game: Pokémon Quartz
of Pokemon Ruby
, released by the author as a patch file intended to be played by VisualBoyAdvance
users who already owned the Ruby cartridge and dumped its ROM image.
The game has a great number of spelling and grammatical errors, which mostly result from the hack being translated from Spanish, although the grammar improves throughout the game. The game also contains profanity and adult themes, which are absent from all official Pokemon games. Pokemon Quartz replaced all names and graphics of traditional Pokemon with new characters and creatures, although some of the changes were only cosmetic and did not change learnsets or types. The game takes place in a region known as "Corna", a heavily edited version of Hoenn, and requires the player to navigate a very different series of paths during gameplay.
While the best-known bootleg cartridge as played on the actual GBA contains serious glitches and errors, the current patch file release works well with VBA when the patch is applied to a clean image of an authentic Ruby cartridge.
This hack was brought out of obscurity mainly by the hilarious Let's Play
by Zorak, done in a style similar to (and assisted by) Chorocojo
, the other famous Pokemon LPer. The archived version can (and should) be read here
. Quartz is now rather infamous and has a cult following because it may be considered The Room
of ROM hacks. Just when you think it can't get any stranger... it does.
was in development called Pokemon Marble, but it hasn't been updated since 2008
. In 2010 he released the most recent build of the hack before he quit in the thread for an LP of Quartz.
This game provides examples of:
- Adults Are Useless: They pretty much handed all the responsibility of calming the chaos gods to the teenage protagonist, one of them even mocking the player character for being a fool despite not given a choice in the first place.
- Aerith and Bob:
- All of the "Exorcist"-class trainers have names of Chinese or Korean origin, like Sung or Lao. Then you enter the desert and come across "Exorcist Don Jose".
- It's the other way around among Baro's friends. They all have Spanish names, except for "Kyoufu Kawa", the Lord of Corna Castle.
- Always Someone Better: No matter how hellishly difficult the gym leaders are, no matter how weak his blind psychic mouse is, Ramon will always defeat them before the player, until the player reaches the Victory Road at least.
- Artificial Stupidity: One of the Ambar admins used Max Revive while none of his Pokemon fainted yet.
- Artistic License – Physics:
- Band Ambar's plan to power up Electric Pokemon by inflating the sun, one of the methods includes using a broken ghost scope. This is even more ridiculous than Team Magma trying to increase landmass by stuffing a volcano with rocket fuel at the center of a region.
- Plug-Oinks cannot generate energy by jacking their plug tails into their nostrils. They need external energy for that.
- Let's not forget the X-treme snowboarders who can perpetually ski on flat ground and can turn perfect 90 degrees.
- Badass: Foxy from Zorak's LP, and therefore to some extent Zorak himself, taking the Elite Four down while being twenty levels lower.
- Author Avatar: And it's bizarre even by the standards of this Trope.
- Basement-Dweller: Or as Yuoaman put it, children in Corna are banished to the basement.
- Bears Are Bad News:
- Babos and Osoe, who will try to seduce their opponent, despite being ugly as hell. At least Ursaring would only deliver beat-downs.
- Thing is, Ursaring is not butt-ugly and could pull off Attract if it learned it.
- "Blind Idiot" Translation: The Spanglish.
- Blondes Are Evil: Amber, the head of Team Ambar. The female protagonist could count From a Certain Point of View if you play as the male.
- Big "NO!"
- Bilingual Bonus: For ANYTHING Baro says about the Sever, really.
- Most of the dialogue can only be truly understood if you mentally untranslate it back to the Spanish it was originally conceived as.
- Bounty...sorry, Reward Hunter: Annie, also the Corna League Champion.
- Bonus Boss: Arturo, leader of the (unofficial) ninth gym.
- Carrying the Antidote: Some of the Gym Leaders give away TMs that can counter their type specialties:
- Cats Are Mean: The Deoxys stand-in Garotao, the God of Chaos.
- Chaos Is Not A Toy: Amber realized this during her Villainous Breakdown.
Amber: No, it's all my fault, I shouldn't paly with gran forces...
- Character Filibuster: Several characters in Pinkranite go out of their way to rant about how bad the school system is and about the dangers of drugs. FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: The Imakuni Trainer Class (yes, there were a lot of them), who stand out a lot in contrast to the rest of the population.
- Cluster F-Bomb
- Continuity Nod: HM01 is obtained in this game from the same character that gave it to you in the first generation.
- Cool Shades:
- Disproportionate Retribution: A Band Ambar Admin says that "I will beat you, I'll punish you, and them I will kill you, asshole kid!" all just because the player insists in thwarting Ambar's moronic schemes.
- Egocentric Team Naming: Band Ambar, where Ambar is Spanish for Amber who is the leader of said band.
- Emo: All trainers in the Quartztower Gym, including the gym leader herself.
- Everything's Better with Dinosaurs / Instant Awesome, Just Add Dragons: Averted. The game does feature enough Dragon-types, but they're just as weird and/or ugly as most other mons. Tyradino may or may not be a borderline case, though. While it is pretty screwed up and (as Zorak noted) an abomination of biology, it still seems to be pretty useful and is also still a bloodthirsty T-Rex, how the hell do you screw that up? In any case, it did become an integral part of Foxy Team Foxy eventually.◊
- Gender-Blender Name: Danny, the seventh Gym Leader of Corna is actually a girl.
- Gonk: The new Pokemon designs could be described as this...except maybe Plug-oink, which is friggin' adorable.
: OH MY GOD THAT IS THE CUTEST UGLY
THING I'VE EVER SEEN
- Have a Gay Old Time: Some of Quartz's NPCs use phrases that are... technically correct, but outdated, like one defeated villain's reference to their plans being sent to the WC ("water closet", in other words the toilet).
- The term is still commonly used to refer to toilet in many non-english speaking countries, although usually more in signs than in spoken language.
- Another case of Bilingual Bonus or Good Bad Translation, WC is the common term used in Spain to refer to the toilet.
- Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: A male NPC, while giving the Author Avatar a little too much Character Shilling, adds "(I am still loving women)" after calling him "beautiful".
- Heroic Mime: Averted. Sometimes "(Player Name):" appears in the text box to show that the Player Character is the one doing the talking.
- Incredibly Lame Pun: Team Ambar. It's a combination of "Amber", the leader's name, and "Baro".
- Informed Deformity: According to the dex entries, Mongostre(Corna's Armaldo) is supposed to be the ugliest Pokemon ever existed. Sure it looks monstrous, but there are others who look uglier than it, especially the Babos line.
- Karma Houdini:
- The Player Character themself helps a bunch of drug dealers become this, by telling the police officer who happens to be in there that it's a pet shop. This is despite all the Anvilicious anti-drug messages earlier in the game...
- Possibly Amber as well, despite being responsible releasing Kaosune to the surface and even felt remorse for doing so. And yet no one is forcing her to be responsible (read:face said chaos Pokemon) for some reason and expects the protagonist to do so instead (no, you don't have a choice).
- Kavorka Man: Babos and Osoe are based on the concept of an ugly guy that women find irresistible.
- Kubrick Stare: Jonic◊
- Last-Second Word Swap: An NPC in Pinkranite says this:
Oh! Ms Britney is so beauty! Every time I think of her I have my hands busy
... writing letters for her...!
- Leet Lingo: Some of the NPCs, especially the Ambars.
Ambar Grunt: Shut up lol!
- Let's Mock the Monsters: The whole game is one big invitation.
- Mind Rape- The Let's Play of this game reveals that it was Foxy's mental breakdown, thanks to being the guinea pig in Misty's attempt to teach her Ludicolo Dream Eater.
- Nightmare Valley: Most of the monsters are terribly drawn, which doesn't help the freakish designs. There's a few that aren't too bad, though, like Plug-oink.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: The Move Tutor's name is Dany Warhole, and instead of Heart Scales you give him Campbell cans.
- No Fourth Wall
- Obligatory Swearing:
- "ˇPUTAS DE SEVER!"
- "You won't have a chance against our BOSS, you cocksucker kid!"
- "Fucking kid! You send my plans down to the WC!"
- Older Than They Look: While Baro changed most if not all the lines in the Pokenav (or rather Pokebar in this game) to suit his characters he overlooked one, making the transition of the old couple trainer class to a younger couple really obvious. Married for 50 years indeed.◊
- Really 700 Years Old: Kyoufu Kawa's dialogue in Quartztower Town implies this:
Kawa: In my early teens (that's fair 300 years ago)...
- Ridiculously Cute Critter: All of the small rounded birds(There are many of them).
- One of the trainers you battle is named Travis, and says "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket◊" and "All the Small Things◊".
- There's also a Rocker named Anthony, who only quotes Red Hot Chili Peppers lyrics.
- There's also a Shout-Out to Majora's Mask in the graveyard area. One of the ninjas there says "Master, you called! ... ... What are you?!" when he challenges you; his name is Garo; and after you defeat him and talk again, he says "To die without leaving a corpse... That is the way of us Garo." He doesn't actually disappear, though.
- In the area that clearly isn't a hacked version of the route near Meteor Falls, there is a hiker, completely dressed in green, who claims to be an ogre. His name is Shrek. But wait- aren't trolls supposed to be the ones extracting tolls from bridges?
- There's also a rather clever one referring to the Mew truck rumor.
- A swimmer refers to a "nice turtle rock dungeon".
- There is a Moleman named "Montgomery". Yes, a Monty Mole.
- Stalker with a Crush: The rival.
- Strange Minds Think Alike: When Foxy catches an Energiz in the Let's Play, she names it Duracel. Cut ahead to her entering a contestnote , and one of the opponents is an Energiz named Duracell. note
- Subterranean Jews: The molemen appear to display all the negative stereotypes of Jews.
- Stepford Smiler: The arsonists put up a perpetual smile despite having their index fingers set on fire.
- Take That:
- Baro, the creator, is an atheist. Not just any atheist, either, but a textbook Hollywood Atheist full of sense of superiority with deep hatred for any kind of religion. His constant AHAHAHAHA STUPID RELIGIOUS PEOPLE YOU BELIEVE IN SHIT remarks even made it into the readme.
- An NPC in Seablue wonders how evil is the person who created Pokémon Contests. "Attack to... the air? Show... cuteness? What about PKMN battles?"
- At one point he subtly showed his dislike for Pikachu in one of the Dex entries, calling it the ugliest Pokemon ever existed.
- And of course, there's Baro's casual racism toward the Jewish encapsulated in the form of the molemen.
- Too Dumb to Live: Band Ambar's plot has a few holes in it.
Ambar: YOU MEAN INFLATING THE SUN MAKES IT HOT OUTSIDE!? AND PEOPLE CAN'T LIVE SO WELL WHEN ITS REALLY HOT OUT AND THERE'S A DROUGHT?!?!
Foxy: ... yes. That's... about right.
- Why Did It Have To Be Upside-Down Rats: Baro doesn't take Severs' presence well, he's chased by one and at another point they ransacked his Arale manga collection.
- Took a Level in Badass:
- Foxy takes a 3-month hiatus to level up her Pokemon and bought a katana after defeating Benito.
- In terms of the Pokemon themselves; while Gyarados and Milotic are badass enough Baro changed them into Thundrannote and Freechnote , two of the most powerful Pokemon in Quartz.
- Totally Radical: Kacho & Vin, being owners of the "sk8" shop and all.
- Violation of Common Sense: Frequently.
- Yank the Dog's Chain: Foxy daydreams that she's stuck in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon instead of Corna. In the Tiny Woods, she runs across a room where the grass spells "BARO" and she's snapped back into cold reality.
- You Keep Using That Word: Kacho and Vin keep using "paranoia" to apparently mean "circumstance" or "coincidence" or something.
- Actually, in the area Baro is from, the word was commonly misused to mean something like "elaborate, amusing, yet useless thought", personal hobbies or fixations, pet theories, artist ramblings, or generally amusing things. It was a weird wildcard, used almost only by teenagers at the time Baro made this, even when they were aware of the real meaning of the word.