Unusual Euphemism: Fan Fic
Avatar The Last Airbender
- Stormbenders uses the term "pearl diving". When a man asks a woman if she would like to participate, it has nothing to do with oysters. Incidentally, the town that the main characters reside in is called "Oyster District"; this term gives the town name a whole new meaning. "Pearl diving" was also used as a euphemism for underwater masturbation in the book Haunted 2005.
- Some of the joy of reading Fallout: Equestria comes from Littlepip's creative swearing, with such gems as "Luna shitting moon rocks!" Hell, Celestia knows her as "she of the colorful vulgarities," to Littlepip's profound embarrassment.
- In The Prayer Warriors, the villains in "Battle With the Witches" seemingly refer to sex as "satanic rituals." The heroes have terms of their own, as seen in this description of Draco and Ebony having sex.
Narration: Draco and Ebony removed skin from an onion. After that, they put Draco`s noodles into Ebony`s bowl, and Draco then planted some seeds into Ebony`s pot, and then they laid on their bed for the rest the night. They were very tired from all that hard work.
- The Phoenix Wright / Elite Beat Agents crossover To Each A Tempo has Chef Cherry LaFlamme, who peppers her speech with various food terms whenever she's irritated—which happens a lot.
"Kohlrabi freakin' slaw salad with hoisin-sauced duck!"
- The Equestrian Wind Mage indulges in this quite a bit, thanks to Nigellas' frequent unusual (and rather hilarious) oaths.
- A Charmed Life: "releasing spirit energy."
- Fever Dreams: when Light tells L "I like it when you investigate me."
- From Legally Damned: "They hopped onto the squishy bed as Ryuk unscrewed the lightbulb."
- In Those Who Stand for Nothing Fall for Anything when Light says he "needs a lawyer."
- "Building a snowman" is commonly used as one in Elsanna shipping.
- Wings To Fly has a few odd euphemisms from the pilots involved. A "Pilot's Kiss" has absolutely nothing to do with kissing; it's a reference to an x-shaped chest bruise from the four-point harness standard to most mobile suits. Similarly, when someone tells you "foxtrot tango" what they actually mean is "I can not or will not obey your order", though it would be most literally translated as "fuck that".
- From the Crack Fic The Black Bunny:
George: Draco, I wanna release my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.
- In the fourth year of the Dangerverse Draco Malfoy refers to kissing Luna as "transferring luck."
Draco: Luna had to go to a custody hearing when her mum died, and hers came out all right. So she was transferring some of her luck to me, for tomorrow.Hermione: "I never knew luck was another word for spit."Danger: "Really, Hermione. I wanted to say that."
- Leading to the priceless moment where Hermione and Danger team up on Draco:
- From The Dark Lord's Protector:
While Bella was the most affected, the brothers always to advantage and made lingering touches, and innuendoes such, "my meatballs are bigger then this and tastier" courtesy of Rabastan and "My breadstick is longer and thicker" courtesy of Rodolphus.
What sent Bella over this time was when her lovers dipped both of their breadsticks in her pasta, saying "We wanted to taste your sauce."
- From Harry Potter and the Something Something:
Snape: Not too long after we graduated from Hogwarts, I realized what a fool I'd been in letting Lily leave me on such horrible terms. I managed to seek her out before she and James went into hiding, and I convinced her to forgive me.Harry: Lovely.Snape: Then she forgave me again the next morning.Harry: Dude.Snape: Twice.
- In A Necessary Gift Sirius comments that he hopes to get lucky at a Beltane ceremony. Remus objects to this remark because a ten-year-old alternate-universe Harry (who's pretending to be Sirius' nonexistent son Orion) is standing right there.
Sirius: Orion's old enough to know about the quills and the inkpots, Remus.
- In At The End of All Things Ginny sees Hermione and Luna kissing and briefly has a negative reaction due to her mother's derogatory comments about "cauldron-licking girls."
- In Dearest Hermione Sirius tries to give Harry The Talk, due to his doubts that the Dursleys would ever have discussed "the flowers and the fairies."
- In The Power of the Press Sirius uses a naked illusion of his girlfriend as a visual aid while giving Harry The Talk.
Sirius smiled happily and turned to the image. Using his wand as a pointer, he proceeded to point out various areas like the cauldron, the happy button and the left and right potion stirrers.
- In The Greengrass Contract Angelina Johnson offers to teach Harry about "kissing and some other stuff."
Harry: It's okay, Angelina - I know all about parking the hot rod in the garage.
- In Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus Hermione asks Fleur Delacour to turn her Veela allure Up to Eleven in order to test her theory that the effect will be lessened or negated on male animagi.
Harry: Something smells really strange and I can't figure out what it is. It's not a bad smell, just a really strange one.
Fred Weasley: I don't smell anything strange, but I just had a sudden and unexplained goblin uprising in my trousers.
- A particular (pre-clonebomb) fanfic somewhere in the Homestuck fandom has Jade decide that "tangle buddies" is an appropriate name for nervous interlacing of fingers, which then gets seized on for some reason as a euphemism.
"Strider," Rose forced out through clenched teeth, "Either we call it 'tangle buddies' or you can try to explain to Jade that we've been sleeping together since we turned 18.""Oh," Jade interrupted, "I already knew that." [...] "But now you're tangle buddies, which is even better!"
- Hivefled takes advantage of Bizarre Alien Biology to come up with these; "bucketdrinker" is a troll equivalent of "slut", and "gutbucket" is their answer to "cunt" (more specifically, it refers to the pouch in which genetic material was carried before the invention of buckets). "Pailing" as a term for reproductive sex is also used, as is common in the Homestuck fandom. Not that they don't liberally use the human words as well. After Dave sees troll porn, tentabulges become "dayglo banana slugs".
- In Tomorrow's Doom, Aiko's mother calls a girl's private parts her "happy valley".
- When Alien Abductions Go WrongSick mentions that: Her (Warmonga's) "quarlaps" were getting very warm.
- Some fans like to have Jyuushimatsu use "Seicross" as a euphemism for sex thanks to his introduction in episode 1.
- In the fic Pyrrha(c) victory, Yang jokes that Pyrrha and Jaune's combat training sessions are really sexual euphemisms.
- Nora ran betting rings in RWBY Reckoning based on when Darrel and Yang would progress through a relationship, with the last one being when the two would "boop".
- One of the villains in The Private Diary Of Elizabeth Quatermain speaks of his upcoming marriage as being the means to an end, saying that "I just have to take the blush off your English rose" in order to achieve it. As he's talking to the man who is genuinely in love with the bride, this is quite possibly the worst pressing of a Berserk Button in the entire series.
- The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle gave us the somewhat memorable statement that using magic with an antimagic collar apparently "hurts like an applebucker". Admittedly, given that "apple-bucking" in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic consists of kicking a tree hard enough to rattle all the apples out of it in one blow, it seems reasonable that being bucked would indeed hurt a lot.
- Chronicles of Harmony's End refers to "kissing his tail feathers."
- This is the Life: A Tale of a Human in Equestria has the main character (a human) use terms like "pony women" instead of "mares" and of course "everyone" instead of "everypony" while the ponies use the correct (At least for Equestria) terms. Word Of God claims it's to cement the fact that the titular character knew absolutely nothing about ponies or their way of life before moving there. The ponies also sometimes get messed up when referring to the main character:
Big Macintosh: Ah knew you of all pon-, uh, you’d put it to good use.
- Dash Academy mentions the "wingboner" (when an excited pegasus has their wings spread open involuntarily), which is a common fandom term and not really a euphemism at all (indeed, it is really a dysphemism, as pegasi spread their wings for a lot of reasons). However, later on when Rainbow Dash falls asleep in the theater and has a dream about kissing Firefly, her spread wings make Firefly refer to Rainbow Dash as having had a "Night Flight", an obvious euphemism for wet dream.
- In the My Little Pony branch of The Infinite Loops, they swear to trees, instead of the usual swearing to Celestia in My Little Pony, which is itself an example of Unusual Euphemism
Celestia: I want you to stop swearing by me. ... It really is nothing personal, but when you can't tell if 'dear sweet Celestia' is an expression of affection it tends to get on your nerves after a while.Twilight Sparkle: ...you know, we're still going to need to swear occasionally.Celestia: Swear by trees. They're fairly reliable.
- Marry My Father Please features a subplot in which Anko's birth control has failed spectacularly, yet she insists that she only has the flu:
Tsunade: (Consulting Anko on her accidental pregnancy, which she's been insisting is just the flu.) "You don't have to stay sick with the flu."
Anko: "I said not to say it. I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Hiashi doesn't rule you, nor does he make decisions for you."
Anko: "I know that. But it's my flu, and I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Are you going to let him have any say in this flu? Help raise the flu bug or anything?"
Anko: "That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Raise a flu bug? Don't you think you're carrying this a bit far?"
- A Crown Of Stars: In one scene a character tells to another: "I’ve seen you checking out my ‘thrusters’, Top."
- Advice And Trust: A bunch of them:
- Asuka tells Shinji that he is not getting an "Israfel Special" with Rei and her (meaning a threesome). Quickly the "Israfel Special" expression becomes a Running Gag.
- Later in chapter 5 Shinji considers that he and Asuka are pretty vocal when "entangling their AT-Fields".
- During that scene, Asuka tells him "Now get your ‘Positron Rifle’ into ‘firing position’, quickly." as an euphemism for sex.
- The Child of Love: In chapter 5 Asuka makes breakfast, Misato tries it and tells it is one of the best breakfasts she has ever eaten and Asuka asks:
Asuka:"Or...is it one of the first breakfasts you ever ate without Kaji's 'sauce'?"
- Empath: The Luckiest Smurf has "getting under one's hat" as a Smurf euphemism for sex, and "the Smurfette dream" as one for Nocturnal Emission. For Wartmongers, it's "stroking one's horns" and "getting all nice and squirmy".
- A Stargate Atlantis fic came up with "ice farmer" as an Alien Euphemism for "gay," leading to a particularly wonderful example of Metaphorgotten. ("If the ice wanted to be farmed...")
- A Very Titans Christmas uses the expression "The deed of a thousand euphemisms". Judging from the rest of the examples here, it is more than justified.
- One Torchwood fic once referred to sperm as "cheap white carbohydrates." Made even worse when in context the author easily could have meant bed sheets, and out of context, white bread could be assumed. And ejaculate is more protein than carbs anyway.
- Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen features appearances by Edward's "throbbing lavender man-fruit thing," also known as his "mancarrot", his "throbbing male object", or his "massive throbbing gigglestick." Jacob's is referred to as his "male genital item" and described as resembling a "horrible wet mushroom."
- There is a fic with lines from "Jabberwocky" used as dirty talk during a BDSM sex scene. The girl (who was unfamiliar with the poem) was freaking out.
- WTF Fanfiction.com has a lot of this and has even compiled a list of words fanfiction authors have used to describe genitals.
- One fic unfortunately used "digits" to refer to nipples, which brings up unfortunate mental images.