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Tropers: An Cat Dubh
Hello there fellow Tropers!

I am An Cat Dubhnote , but you can call me Shunranote  (pronounced ‘SHEWN-rah’). I was born on July 21, 1991, in Rishon leTsiyon, Israel; lived in Tel-Aviv till I was one; then in Hadera till I was 12note ; and currently residing in Emeq-Hefer. I speak Hebrew and English as my mother tongues, and I speak a plethora of other languages in varying levels (most notably Japanese and Icelandic). I’m a former military translator (currently a freelance one, as well as a freelance poet on commission), and currently a student of linguistics and East Asian studies in Tel-Aviv University. I’ve written a lot of poetry and short stories in several languages, but haven’t published any of themnote ; I hope to become a published author one day, though.

I’ve written two articles so far on TVT: Asfour and Summer Celebration, and you can often see me adding something about Israeli media or RL events on various articles, just gently brushing against the Rule of Cautious Editing Judgment.

More about me on my blog, where you can read some of my poetry and a bit of my prose.

Tropes that apply to me:

  • Acceptable Targets: My sense of humour spares few. I even explain some foreign country’s stereotypes or cultural tidbits to tell a relevant joke (for instance, joking about Finns being stereotyped as violent, drunk, silent, or any mixture of those, to tell a joke about them). It should, however, be noted that I am in no way racist, misogynistic, or (obviously) a homophobe; if I felt I had some sort of prejudice, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to make such jokes before I was over it.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: In eleventh grade two of my classmates used to constantly heckle me during physics classes. At one point I turned to them and admonished them with an ‘understanding’ smile, and when they were baffled, I said, ‘Oh! Sorry, I thought you were kindergarten children.’ They laughed and complimented me on my wit.
  • Adjusting Your Glasses: All four types, though usually type 4 (moving my ears and nose to pull them back quickly).
  • Adorkable: I guess the fact I wear glasses now helps...
  • Adult Fear: In ascending order: cancer, AIDS, Eye Scream, Cessation of Existence, and BRAIN DAMAGE. *Shudder*
  • All Love Is Unrequited: Played painfully straight for me till I finished 11th grade, several times, often involving a lot of drama. Later not as straight, as I stayed hung up after the end of relationships, and once (that I know of), during my service, a close friend got one on me (I just stayed a way for a while till it was over).
  • Aloof Big Brother: After my brother became much more sociable and started hanging out with his classmates (whom I found, up until very recently, incredibly annoying), I started feeling I have a lot less in common with him than I used to. I still feel that way, and have for a long while now found it most sensible to try and stay on good terms with him as much as possible, as we, well, live in the same house. He, on the other hand, seemed much keener on connecting with me, something I barely understood, as we’ve always been significantly different people, and I mostly just wanted him to leave me alone. Nowadays he’s become even more sociable and is often away or interacting with his friends (most of whom I’ve grown to tolerate, and I’ve even found a common ground with a select few of them) without annoying me, we’ve both matured a lot, and he’s learned to understand my AS much more deeply, we barely fight anymore. However, I still think we’re too fundamentally different to stay firmly in touch after I leave homenote , but not too different or hostile to stop talking entirely.
  • Alternative Character Interpretation: My behaviour and attitude vary significantly depending on the person I’m with, my mood, and how tired I am, which just makes ‘interpreting’ me much harder.
  • Altum Videtur: I do like Latin. Also, see Bilingual Dialogue below.
  • Ambiguously Brown: Well, not exactly. My paternal grandmother, whose parents are both Ukrainian, looks distinctly Tatar or Altaic or something, with slightly almond-ish eyes. I inherited the shape of my eye from her, so people who hear I speak Japanese often assume I’m part Japanese.
  • American Accents: My mum has a thick Chicago accent. Despite the fact I use English spelling almost exclusivelynote , my accent is closer to GA.
  • Annoying Younger Sibling: My brother had this phase, which mostly included making fun of me with his friends (as little siblings often do, I guess) and having a general ‘fuck you’ attitude towards me whenever I reprimanded him for doing something annoying, even without actual malicious intent (like climbing on my bed and deflating my pillows, after I’d told him not to). This probably culminated when he released the hamsters we had back then to force me into running around and catching them; this got him banned from going near them for a while. Although quite honestly, I was often somewhat of a Jerkass to him back then, often as Disproportionate Retribution for real or perceived annoyances. Both of us have matured beyond recognition since then.
  • Arch-Nemesis:
    • I considered one especially annoying kid to be this for me throughout elementary. He was the kind to pull off repeated I Surrender, Suckers and annoy and badger anyone in a pathetic attempt to invoke the Klingon Promotion norm in my schoolnote , and act like an overall Lower-Class Lout that was often worse than the rest of my classmates. He was also unusually stupid, having written in a geometry test once that, and I quote, ‘A rectangle has six sides.’note  And the worst part was that the headmistress heard he had some heart condition and decided he’s The Woobie she should be looking after. I’ve had occasional ceasefires with him and I actually did want to make peace with him; it never lasted, and so when I met him again at boot camp, I was intentionally as distant as possible.
    • I sort-of got another one in junior high. He was an annoying idiot who was pretty much the whole class’ Butt Monkey, who became an object of my strong disdain when he was seated next to me in seventh grade and got the annoying habit of nicking things I’d put on my desk, and later, in ninth grade, when he stuck my whole history notebook down the front side of his underpantsnote . He grew up some later on, and as we were divided into different homerooms, different levels in math and English, and different subjects we took, and I spent most of my time in the school library, I barely interacted with him anymore by high school.
  • Archive Binge: My blog, which I’ve been writing since the beginning of twelfth grade and have made it a point to update at least once a month, often with really long posts. Some people have, however, read the whole thing.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Invoked. I was in Japan shortly after twelfth grade with my mum (who was there for work and also as an 18th birthday + graduation gift), her Japanese friend (who was there visiting her relatives), and her daughter (same). We dined with my mum’s friend’s friend at a restaurant in Sendai before noticing we were late to our train. Now, you may not know this, but in Japan, all women wear stilettos about 5 cm.note  tall and under a centimetrenote  in diameter, which I found utterly repugnant and a staple of male chauvinism. Needless to say, the friend’s friend had a very hard time running with us, and that’s when I snapped and said, ‘I hate high heels. Being a method of men to make women suffer is fine, but not being able to run to the station?!’
  • Asexuality: Subverted. I used to think I’m a mild version of this in the beginning of tenth grade, and I told my classmates I was this before I finally came out.
  • Asian Gal with White Guy / Where Da White Women At?: Just in case you were wondering, yes, I’m white, but I generally think it would be ideal for me to settle down eventually with a non-white/Semiticnote  person, just for the sake of heterosis for my future kids.
  • Asperger's Syndrome: Aspie pride, yo. It’s behind several of the Tropes mentioned here.
  • The Atoner: Having little to no awareness of my actions and the results thereof, I was a dreaded bully in my first two years of kindergarten, until my mum got me to quiet down. I once threw a kid off the top of the slide I wanted to use (he wasn’t harmed). Despite the fact I was barely aware of what I did, I still feel somewhat uneasy about it, and I’d like to apologise to those I’ve hurt if I ever met them again.note 
  • Badass Israeli: Subverted twice: I used to take Aiki lessons between second and fifth grade, but stopped when I saw how un-instinctive it is for me. Also, as I’ve made abundantly clear below, I don’t feel the slightest bit close to this country anymore. However, I still mention I’m from Israel and have served in the armynote , just as a tongue-in-cheek Badass Boast.
  • Battle in the Center of the Mind: When I was between fifth and sixth grade, my brother and I were apparently stupid enough to try this. Both of us claimed victory.
  • The Beard: Hillariously played when I was in ninth grade. My then-friend, who later became my best friend, was annoyed by a few of my classmates who seemed to fancy her (nevermind that she was almost exclusively lesbian), and I had rumours spread about me that I was in a relationship with a mutual male friend (I was still in the closet back then; Hel, I was still in denial). To help each other out, we waited for recess (we both had a free), when the top gossiper from her class would come out; when she did, we hugged, I touched her breast, and she kissed my neck, in front of the whole school. I was constantly asked about her (and often congratulated about the ‘achievement’), but I kept silent on the issue for a few weeks before explaining what it had been all about. (It was also supposed to be part of an idiotic Zany Scheme of mine to win over a girl I did have a crush on, but that’s another story.)
  • Bears Are Bad News: I actually find bears adorable, especially polar bearsnote , but I’m Genre Savvy enough to know how dangerous they are. I’d love to be able to avert this Trope one day and snuggle with a polar bear, just like this bloke here. X3
  • Berserk Button:
    • Bullying (a.k.a. evil)
    • Wilful ignorance (these two include racism, homophobia, and misogyny)
    • People talking freely as if they were well-versed at a subject they know nothing about, in particular when that subject is languages or Israel/Jewsnote 
    • Being called a Jewnote  or an Israelinote 
    • Being called ‘stupid’, ‘retarded’, or any other insult referring to low intelligencenote 
    • Being hit on the headnote 
  • Berserker Rage: I damn near bit the ear off of the kid I considered my Arch-Nemesis in fourth grade who pushed me off a table and got me to fall on my head, out of sheer malice, and even saying, ‘Haha, serves you right!’ afterwards. He was hospitalised for two or three weeks.note 
  • Bi the Way: I usually mention off-handedly that I’m bi. I think if more people did that, people would just realise it’s a non-issue and would see just how ridiculous unequal rights to LGBT people actually is. My mum thinks it’s more like ‘Have I Mentioned I Am Bi?’ as this tends to surface rather quickly (I just mention an ex or something like that off-handedly, or say, ‘I’m bi,’ when I give the male/female versionsnote  of the pick-up line I often use; see Cunning Linguist below), although I don’t make much of a deal about it.
  • Big Brother Mentor: Deconstructed. I taught my brother some stuff he shouldn’t have learned at the time, such as (as he claims) the word ‘kus’, without the more civil equivalent; this resulted in him writing an essay about Adam and Eve for class about how ‘Adam put his penis in Eve’s pussy’ when he was a third grader (I think). The teacher was not amused. Also, up until he was of kindergarten age, I was worried about how he was copying what he saw me doing, which made me uncomfortably aware of my responsibility as the elder brother.
  • Big Brother Worship: Very mild example: my little brother had a tendency (which I hope is gone by now) to exaggerate my abilities to the point I apparently spoke several languages fluently, including the impossible to learn Russian.
  • Big Eater: Sometimes, when the weather is cold. And I still stay very slim.
  • Big Good: My mum. ♥
  • Bilingual Backfire: Averted, as I’ve always been nice enough to give a fair warning to people. But one of these days this trope will be played straight...
  • Bilingual Bonus: I live and breathe this Trope. Even concerning my adopted nickname, Shunra, which I spell in Japanese as ‘春良’. You can read that? Good. Now apply a bit of Getting Crap Past the Radar...
  • Bilingual Dialogue:
    • Once, after I came back from Italy just before twelfth grade, I complained to a friend of mine from Canada in an MSN conversation about how I’ve no-one to speak Italian to; as he had studied some Latin in the past, we started such a dialogue, with him speaking Latin and me speaking Italian. We pretty much understood one another.
    • Much later I did that a few times with a friend from the Faroe Islands: he spoke Faroese, I spoke Icelandic.
    • I often toggle between Hebrew and English when speaking to a fellow Anglophone, assuming s/he also speaks Hebrew. Most notably with my mum.
  • Bishōnen: Albeit unfortunately with more body hair than I care to have.note 
  • Bizarre Taste in Food:
    • When I was a kid, I had absolutely no problems eating Bislinote  and chocolate. This has lead me to the fantastic discoveries that hummus tastes wonderful when combined with cheese, or as a dip for carrots (also grapes, but I don’t really hold that view anymore concerning those).
    • When I was between second and third grade I visited some relatives in the US, who were Russian immigrants. I was told by one of them that an ‘American sandwich’ basically means ‘a sandwich that consists of two pieces of bread and anything you can think of thrown in between’; I found it amusing, but not so appealing, as I ABHOR tomatoes.
  • Black Comedy: My specialty.
  • Blessed Are the Cheesemakers: No, curse them, for making something so fine (at least some of it; I love good cheeses) that makes me produce so much bloody phlegm...
  • Blind Date: I’ve had too so far. The first one went terribly, to the point I started thinking, ‘I think I’m gonna stick to girls now...’ The second one was with the person who wound up being my boyfriend for three months.
  • Blue Eyes: I’ve received many, many complements on them.
  • Bored With Insanity: A rather slow process with me, it seems. It’s often a bit depressing to see my friends go through it, actually, but hey, it’s all part of growing up, and it’s not like I completely lack a mature side and can no longer talk to them...
  • Born in the Wrong Century: At least a century too early.
  • Brick Joke:
    • Back in... ninth grade, I think, I dropped a bottle of concentrated syrup for making raspberry juicenote  on the floor at my father’s house. The cap flew off, but it barely made any mess, if at all.
    • I explained this Trope shortly after I started my service (a bit before turning 19) to a close friend of mine, whom I shall nickname F.B.. It turned into a Running Gag.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Curse you, internet!
  • Brutal Honesty: Moreso when I was a kid. Now I generally use euphemisms, or use very constructive (yet very harsh) criticism when I find it due.
  • Bumbling Dad: ...Eeyup. He’s no Homer Simpson, but he’s done some pretty stupid things over the years, such as coming to my class (before school started) when I was a... third or fouth grader, I think, to threat a kid who’d bullied me the day before. Oh, and it wasn’t even the right kid.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: As odd as I can be, few best me when it comes to translations or to writing poetry.
  • Cannot Convey Sarcasm: Every now and then.
    • When I was a fifth grader my homeroom teacher scolded some kids for playing soccer in class and breaking something, talking about how dangerous it was, and I remarked, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ She took it literally and started yelling at me, before I could stop her (or was it someone else? Can’t remember) and she stopped and apologised.
    • The arsim at my high school were usually too stupid to understand when I was mocking them sarcastically, and just laughed at me instead.
    • My BFF Katelyn Finkel, author of Cries, had this tendency when I first got to know her. It lead to me thinking we were engaged, which is still a Running Gag I mention every now and then.
  • Cannot Tell a Joke: Certainly not me; despite being an aspie, I managed to elevate joke telling to a form of art (a skill I acquired pretty much to avoid being bullied in elementary), but my former leader in the youth organisation I was a part of was a hillariously bad offender. To demonstrate, I was once asked to tell a joke, and he was asked to tell it again after I was done:
    Shunra: A Kurdnote  goes fishing. It just so happens that at a certain point, he catches a very special fish... a Golden Fish. The fish says, ‘Please, if you release me, I’ll grant you a wish!’ The Kurd says, ‘Alright, I want a bridge all the way from over here to Kurdistan!’ The Fish says, ‘Sorry, that’s a bit of a handful... Ask for something else.’ ‘Alright, I want my son to be a doctor!’ ‘You want poles or arches for that bridge?’
    Leader: Uhh... a man, who was a Kurd... uh... he caught a fish, a Golden fish, and the fish said, ‘If you let me go I’ll grant you a wish,’ so he asks for a bridge to Kurdistan, and the fish says, ‘That’s too difficult,’ uh... so he wants the fish to make his son a doctor, and the fish says, ‘That’s too difficult too.’
  • Can't Hold His Liquor: When I’ve eaten enough I can drink shots of vodka without even feeling it. When I haven’t, I’m a shame to my Slavic genes.
  • Captain Obvious: Due to my difficulties assessing what people would reasonably know or not know, I usually come off as very misunderstood when people don’t get a joke or a reference of mine (not so much nowadays, except with my family; in that case, however, my trouble is with assessing what they would remember and recognise as a reference), but it can also come off as this Trope.
  • Cassandra Truth: When I was a first grader (if I remember correctly), I noticed a strange link between the light in the kitchen and that of the dining... nook, so to speak, immediately next to it. The lights in the latter would often take minutes to turn on, unless one turned off the lights in the kitchen and turned them back on; then the former would turn on right away. I tried to explain this to my father, who didn’t understand why I turned off the lights in the kitchen with him still in it, but he just mocked me for it and said, ‘Oh, I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I should turn off the lights in the living room?’ It turned out only weeks afterwards that I was right.
  • Cat Smile: I have one IRL, and I use it a lot in emoticons. ;3
  • Catchphrase: Those change from time to time. Subverted, as I use them almost exclusively in Internal Monologue.
  • Cats Are Magic: See Parody Religion below.
  • Celebrity Resemblance: I’ve been compared to Benjamín Rojas when I was a sixth gradernote , later to Robert Pattinson, and once even to Zeëv Jabotinsky (see ‘Viewers Are Geniuses’ below). Personally, I prefer being compared to the young Malcolm McDowell; people agree with the comparison as soon as they see me do Alex from A Clockwork Orange. Oh, and when I was younger, I used to say I looked like a younger Seto Kaiba.
  • Character Development: If you compare me between any two points in my life more than two years apart (especially preschool/elementary and any later period) you could barely believe it’s the same person. Seriously, just try reading my older blog post and compare them to more recent ones.
  • Child Prodigy: I was literate in both Hebrew and English by the age of three, and made my first attempt at poetry at about that time.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: High libido + respect to people regardless of gender = this Trope.
  • Circumcision Angst: BRUTALLY inverted with me. I’d castrate the man who did it to me if I ever met him.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Even my mum has a very hard time understanding me or predicting what I’ll do next. In fact, the same often applies to me.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Less so around people, but when I’m frustrated or just briefly hurt by something, I cuss like a fucking sailor. The specific cusswords I use vary from time to time, with Russian ones being my current favourites.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: When I was a seventh grader I came to visit my friend, who was in another homeroom. I found him sleeping there after a night of cramming for his Bar Mitzvah. In what was the most glaring incident of Comedic Sociopathy (something I’m generally extremely averse towards), I yelled, ‘WAZZAAAAP!!’ and laughed like a maniac to see him jump off the table. The next day I saw him in the exact same position, and just started laughing without doing anything.
  • Comically Missing the Point: Often used deliberatly for comedy’s sake, and played straight other times. A classmate of mine in twelfth grade once pointed it out to me, and I responded by using this Trope intentionally.
  • Coming-Out Story: To sum it up: I used to be in very deep denial until ninth grade, when I befriended some Yaoi Fangirls who introduced me to the Loveless animenote ; at first I would put my hand against the monitor to avoid watching Soubi and Ritsuka kissing, and later I looked at them with a dreamy look.note  The issue was brought up to my mum and stepfather in the middle of a lot of unrelated drama, and now seem generally fine with it but still have the occasional issue; my father made a stupid and tactless remark (he talked about how I needed to work out more so I could find a girlfriend like I’d said I wanted, and I mentioned I was into boys too; he said that didn’t matter, and anyway, ‘You’re still a man, no, still a human’), and seems very accepting, despite the occasional old-fashioned view he expresses about gender roles (for which I chew him out); I came out officially to the school in the middle of a shitload of drama that quickly died out, and no-one paid any attention to it later; and I’ve received generally mixed-to-positive reactions from other people around me.
  • Consummate Liar: Subverted. I can lie very, very well if need be, but only if need be, which has to be very dire. I hate lying; it involves perfect control of physical reactions, a lot of stress when being pulled off as a result, guilt-ridden planning in advance, and constant paranoia later on for fear of an overlooked detail tearing down the whole charade, and especially without time to prepare―not to mention the guilt involved in deceiving someonenote ]]. I’ll never understand anyone who lies without qualms about itnote . I use Metaphorically True statements at most almost any time I need to use deceptionnote , I never deceive if the false belief can harm someone, and I try to make it as as possible of course.note 
    • A very light example comes from when I was a fourth grader in a gifted children’s programme that included art classes; as part of the class we had a game in which one kid would leave the class, the teacher will give the rest of the class a term and its correct definition, assign one kid to give the true definition when asked, and call the kid back. The kid was to ask every kid in the class for the definition of the term by turn, and determine which one was telling the truth. One time the term we received was ‘aquarelle’, and I was not assigned to tell the truth. The kid who was supposed to guess asked the first half for definitions; almost all of them gave either no answer or a feeble one, occasionally Corpsing. I sat right between the two halves, and when asked, I said, ‘The term “aquarelle” comes from the word “aqua”, meaning water [here the teacher’s eyes opened in shock, as she thought I was going to give the true definition]. Now, what is the colour of water? Blue. So aquarelle means every colour that is a shade of blue or mixed with blue, such as tourquoise or green, purple, light bluenote , and the like.’ After me, almost the whole other half managed to speak up and lie confidently, even if those lies were often terrible (one girl said it was a type of omlette). I feel proud.
  • Continuity Porn: If you’re a member of my immediate family, this is most likely what I often sound like to you. My father’s a little less keen on details, so I tend to sound less like this; however, my mum is often a bit frustrated by my occasional use of this Trope, as her memory is much better suited for this (she remembered what a ‘Charmander’ was nine years after I’d stopped mentioning Pokémon altogether).
  • Cooldown Hug: I’m Genre Savvy enough to know when this’ll work on my mum.note 
  • Country Matters: A word I am not the least bit shy of. (Last section)
  • Covert Pervert: Oddly, some people didn’t think I had it in me when I recited an improvised bawdy advertisement for a fictional brothel in front of my whole school.
  • Crack is Cheaper: My internet addiction has been ruining my life for years now. Recently I decided to quit MSN, Skype, and Facebook in favour of hand-written letters, most of which are sent to people I’ve chosen first and foremost for their ability to help me practice a certain language. If you found me interesting and want innote , PM me; after a brief PM conversation, I’ll give you my mailing address if I like you enough.
  • Crapsack World: Hadera, or at least the vast majority thereof. Once, after having read 1984, I explained to my father what ‘dystopia’ meant; he asked me a bit later, ‘Is Hadera a dystopia?’ At first I hesitated, and then I answered, ‘You know what? Yes, yes it is.’
  • Crossing the Line Twice: During my service I saw two of my coworkers play-fighting, and quipped, ‘Violence is not nice; it’s just funny.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Back in first grade I was barely able to communicate with anyone; I was just that weird kid with the unpredictable temper who spoke English when stressednote , who didn’t stand out besides that. Now, back then we were given workbooks based on Bli Sodot that were supposed to teach us to read and write; I could read and write in two languages back then, but I didn’t bother to do the actual work, partially because I didn’t really understand what was going on around me at the time all too well. So my mum arranged for me to be given the tenth workbook quite ceremoniously, in front of all of my classmates. I was hardly aware of it at the time, but their jaws dropped in awe!
  • Cuddle Bug: With people I like enough and/or Woobies. =3
  • Cunning Linguist: When asked how many languages I speak, my usual response is, ‘Tell me what languages you find sexy and I’ll whisper ‘em in your ear.’ If they have such a language, the usual response, at least from girls, is ‘French’; my usual response is, ‘Je ne comprends pas pourquoi toutes les femmes trouvent cette langue si sexy, mais s’il te plaît, je peux parler à français avec toi.note ’ I also get ‘Italian’ every now and then, but far less often than I’d likenote . I’ve gotten some weirder responses, though, such as ‘Indonesian’ and ‘Bulgarian’. Men seem to be fond of German for some reason, and I’ve even got ‘Hebrew’, to my surprisenote , from a certain English lad once. Just in case you were wondering: I find Japanese to be the sexiest language ever, but I also like Irish and Tim Curry’s accent in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
  • Cute and Psycho: When I was a kid. A very young kid.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Cats make me lose it completely, as well as Samoyed dogs. My father’s cousin’s family raised a bunch of prize-winning members of this adorable little cloud-like breed, and I’ve had a soft spot for them ever since.
  • Dead Baby Comedy: In the right circles I’m not shy of using this. I even use such a joke as a proof for the existence of teh Ceiling Cat (spoilered, as this is not for the faint of heart): You know how they reported that the entire Oshrenko family was murdered? That was not true. You know who did survive? You guessed it: the cat (link in Hebrew). Feline Intervention indeed!
  • Deadpan Snarker: Get me cross enough and I’ll become one of the most vicious ones you’ve met. Except I do it with a huge smile that basically says, ‘Fuck you, moron.’
  • Dead Little Cat: When my late cat, whom I’ve had for two years, died after eating a mouse that ate some poison, my family was truly devestated.
  • Death Glare: I’ve a fierce one.
  • Delicious Distraction: Subverted. When I was... an eighth grader, I think, I had a conversation with my mum and stepfather, who had a box of honey cookies, which I absolutely love. At first this Trope was played pretty straight, but later it was just a distraction and not real hunger or anything for the actual cookies. It’s mildly amusing in hindsight.
  • Die Laughing: It seems I’ve a knack to bring people to the brink of it:
    • Back in tenth grade, when discussing a name change for me with my math tutornote , he started joking about adopting various obscene names for himself. I suggested a particularly obscene one in German, which he found hillarious. The next lesson he told me he’d introduced himself by my obscene name to a German gentleman who laughed so hard he could barely breathe, and my tutor claimed he’d narrowly escaped suffocating to say I was a genius.
    • In twelfth grade I’d told a friend of mine over MSN about the incident in Freudian Slip below, that had happened shortly beforehand. She didn’t answer for a bit and said she’d nearly chocked on her chewing gum.
    • Between ninth and tenth grade I thought I might have done this, when playing on BrainKing.com against someone from Germany, and asked him to translate the ‘translation’ of Monty Python’s ‘Funniest Joke in the World’. He didn’t answer for a while, and I’d began thinking I might have killed him...
  • Dirty Communists: I was a Communist of sorts when I was a ninth grader, for a few months. Nowadays I say, ‘They say that if you haven’t been a Commie by the time you’re 20, you’re heartless, and if you stayed one afterwards, you’re brainless. I was a Commie for a brief while when I was 14, Alexander Penn became one in his twenties and stayed one for the rest of his life.’
  • Does Not Like Shoes: I take them off quickly after coming home.
  • Does Not Like Tomatoes: I ABHOR them. I call them ‘devilfruit’. Their smell is enough to make me queasy, and the slightest hint of their taste makes me nauseous. However, when cooked thoroughly enough (like in pasta/pizza sauce), I refer to them in jest as ‘repentant tomatoes’. Nevertheless, I hope my future husband/wife will like tomatoes (no, this is not a reference to How I Met Your Mother... well, maybe just a little bit), as I acknowledge how healthy they are, and I’d like to have someone who would prepare them for my future children.
  • Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: Averted. A friend of mine told me her cunt of a boyfriend beat her up (so far he’d only cheated on her and acted like a cunt in general). I asked her why, and she said she’d slapped him. I asked him why she’d slapped him, and she said, ‘Hellooo!!’ So I pointed it out that had it been the other way around, she’d expect me to praise her. I don’t even remember what the reason was; it was ages ago, and they had a nasty break-up soon after.
  • Drink Order: My alcoholic beverage of choice is Irish cream. Also, I happen to really like Port wine. As for non-alcoholic beverages, I love non-alcoholic cider (never tried alcoholic, actually) and apple juice; when I went to the U.S. between second and third grade I absolutely loved the fact I could ask for as much apple juice as I could drink, a perk I made full use of.
  • Drinking Game: Look for my Hottips around This Very Wiki. Hell, just on this very page.
  • Dropped a Bridget on Him:
    • Between eleventh and twelfth grade I met an acquaintance, later a friend, whom I hadn’t seen in months, after having met her and didn’t hear from afterwards. I came up to her and said, ‘Hey, what’re you doing here?’ Now, Hebrew non-1st pers. pronouns differ by gender, so I used the 2nd pers. sing. fem. one, ‘atnote . She corrected me and said, ‘Atanote , which is the masc. equivalent. ‘What?’ ‘Ata’. I paused for a bit in surprise, as hithereto I’d only spoken to a handful of transgendered people and only online, and, as soon as I regained my senses, said, ‘HOW WHOPPERnote !’ I quickly started referring to him strictly by his chosen name and with all the pronouns, declensions, and conjugations used to address/refer to a male in Hebrew.
    • When I was a twelfth grader I pretended to come out as a transsexual female to my mum on April Fools, after a week of build-up. She thought it was just another weird phase I got into, though. After I told her it was a joke, she complemented on the build-up and gave me a clear (joking) threat not to repeat that joke.
    • During my service I found out a close friend of mine, who had a column on a popular online gay magazine, was actually an FTM transsexual. I’d known him for about a year and had no idea, and even after I found out I thought it was a jokenote , as he just passes that well. Even old Facebook photos barely showed anything.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Inverted. Alcohol often makes me look much clearer at my problems, which just makes me more depressed. Or it just gives me dizzy and drowzy.
  • Dude, Not Funny!: When I was a fourth grader I fell off a tree onto a concrete floor and broke my foot; it was the first time I’d ever broken anything. My mum, who had recently visited her friend’s sick son, attempted to make me laugh and said that now he would visit me. I just thought it was very tactless. (And, to be fair, later on I adopted the same technique, to some success; with those who don’t take it well I explain some are cheered up by it, and change my methods to listening and trying to find a Hope Spot when someone is down.)
  • Eagleland: When I was a ninth and later tenth grader, I had a period of seeing the U.S. as the source of everything bad in the world. Needless to say, I was a depressed teenager with a strong feeling that something is fucked up in this world, and this ‘something’ would change every now and then between Capitalism, the U.S., and human nature in general (the next year it was human nature―see Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism below), and my outlook on the world has grown considerably since, and still is.
  • Easy Evangelism: I’ve switched the ideologies and religions I’ve espoused over the years quite a few times. I think I’m a fairly reasonable person, which makes me easy to convince, given your case is solid enough; as such, it’s been somewhat harder to convince me over the years.
  • Eating Lunch Alone: Usually. It doesn’t bother me, and I’m not in any conflict or anything with my classmates, just not very close. I would, however, join them if invited, and would strike up a casual conversation every now and then with people around me when I eat.
  • Eloquent In My Native Tongue: Subverted; I can still come off as fairly intelligent in languages I don’t speak fluently. Played very straight if you consider the gap between my oral communicationnote  and my written communication.
  • The Enneagram: 5w4.
  • Erotic Eating: My ex-boyfriend’s friend commented on a pic of me holding an apple, saying, ‘Anyone who’s holding an apple should be done.’ I sent him a few pictures of myself eating a green apple.
  • Ethical Slut: A view I strongly support.
  • Everybody Hates Mathematics: Mostly inverted till I started seventh grade and discovered my love for languagesnote . Later played woefully straight when I was a tenth grader, which was partially responsible for a sizeable portion of the Wangst I went through back thennote ; I even wrote some half-comical poems (in Hebrew) about very frustrating exercises or math in general, including one titled Of the Devil with lines such as, ‘Pythagor and Euclid and Descartes and Gaos too / Along with others shall bring devestation to the world! / And why they in particular? Because they all indulge in the Devil’s science, / A dreaded Devil’s science, a horrid science, the science of numbers! / And the damage of these blows of theirs has not ended yet in our day and age,’note  basically accusing math of encouraging Measuring the Marigolds in place of teaching values and heritage and whatnot. Later on completely averted, as I found math to be really interesting when I started eleventh grade, and eventually finished with an 85 in 5 units’ Math.
  • Everything's Better with Bacon: I love pork in general, actually. I also love seafood in general, which tends to make living in this shitehole very frustrating.note 
  • Everythings Better With Chocolate: My paternal grandparents live in Yotvata, a kibbutz known for its dairy products, most notably its chocolate milk.
  • Everything Is Antisemetic: Extremely ironically, considering my current viewsnote , I had a period of thinking just like that.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Sort-of how I felt about my classmates when they wouldn’t stop dumbing down what I was saying about the trip to Poland.note 
  • Fake Ultimate Hero:
    • I used to think of my homeroom teacher from third to fifth grade as a wonderful Mentor Archetype for years, until my mum explained to me what kind of person she actually was: she’d often discriminate between students she liked or disliked (and I often overestimated how much she liked menote -generally, she liked me enough for me not to be adversely affected besides an occasional stern scolding), have a general sense of condescension towards (at least some of) usnote , and would teach us Blatant Lies about Judaism being a ‘beautiful religion that got corrupted’note  (including the gross lie about circumcision being healthy). She would practically sanctify the pursuit of knowledge, a trait I soaked up very willingly, which basically made me cling tightly to her every word and adopt a lot of her condescending attitude as a fierce defence mechanism. In her defence, she was the best my fucked-up elementary could offer, and she had the clear benefit of taking a very firm stand against bullying, which I made full use ofnote .
    • Averted with my mum: my opinion of her has swerved back and forth over the years before I fully understood everything she’s done for me (which was towards the end of tenth grade or so), when I started thinking of her her as some near-divine being. Nowadays I am still eternally grateful for her, but I can still see her as a more Rounded Character.
  • Fauxreigner:
  • Fish out of Water: Throughout my whole life. The most notable examples are elementary, where I, as a generally mild-mannered kid in a school where they spread rumours about the girls from the next homeroom in our class that they weren’t virginsnote , sexual harassment was a regular thing, kids would have no qualms about telling jokes about Parental Incest, ‘outlaw’ was a compliment, and Klingon Promotion was the rule; and later, after having adjusted to that perverse environment, to re-adapt to sanity in seventh grade, when I moved to the more well-off, rural Emeq-Hefer.
  • Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: I used to be the latter, now I’m closer to the former.note  This is played much more straightly with my cousin from NYC and me.
  • Footnote Fever: Ya think?note 
  • Foreign Queasine: Inverted. Strange foreign delicacies just make me curious about trying them. The most notable case happened when I was a fourth grader in some gifted children programme, and we were told that mouldy cheese is considered a delicacy, and the teacher promised to bring some for next class to let us try. Everyone else was very much put off; I, however, still didn’t know what mould was, and was pretty disappointed in her for never having fulfilled her promise. Bah.note 
  • Former Child Actor: When I was a seventh grader I had a minor part as Gulgale, the son of a sub-reaper for the Grim Reaper in Khanokh Levin’s Everyone Wants to Live, for my high school’snote  senior drama students’ final exam’s production. According to the reactions I got, I was pretty good; I took it a bit too seriously and thought I could actually act, and Your Mileage May Vary on that one, especially depending on how badly you’ve stressed me, how much time I was given to prepare, and what the role is.
  • Freudian Slip: I tried telling the ‘V-Joke’ from the full version of ‘The Funniest Joke in the World’ (9:04) from Monty Python's Flying Circus, but it came out... a bit differently.
    ‘Der ver zwei Penes valking down der Straase, und von vas assaulted!... Penis.’
  • Furry Fandom: I’m not a very active member, but I have my own fursona, namely a British Bombay cat.
  • Gayngst: Before I came out of the closet, having been raised in Hadera and gone to elementary with despicable arsim. It took me a while to muster up the courage to come out, and it backfired awfully.
  • Geek Physiques: I’m very slender with little muscle mass.
  • Geeky Turn-On: The very embodiment thereof.
  • Genre Savvy: Happens to me from time to time.
  • Gentle Giant: I have a soft spot for boys who fit this Trope. X3
  • GIFT: Sort-of. I’ve been told I’m somewhat nicer IRL, but it’s just because I’m more insecure. However, I’m not deliberately mean, unless you hit a Berserk Button of mine.
  • The Glorious War of Brotherly Rivalry: My little and I generally fit this trope, with the ‘Rivalry’ part diminishing over the years. See Sibling Yin-Yang below.
  • Good Feels Good: ^_^
  • Good-Looking Privates: When I was in the army. Amusingly, I served in the Air Force, which is known for its high percentage of homosexual desk jockeys, which bring about a lot of puns in Hebrew, as the word mitromemnote , lit. ‘taking off (from the ground)’ or ‘levitating’, also means ‘faggot’. I still have my uniform, actually...
  • Got Me Doing It: I use the word ‘thrice’. When Immelmann, the creator of Concession and who had been a dear friend of mine until my disconnection from Facebook, MSN, and Skypenote , found it amusing that I used it, and when I said it was a legitimate word and whatnot he said, ‘Yes, but you don’t live in Ye Olde England.’ Later on he started using it himself.
  • Grammar Nazi: Grammatik macht frei, bitch. Though this is an example of Tropes Are Not Bad, as it makes me sound very eloquent; in fact, a friend of mine once told me, ‘I gotta learn to talk pretty like you do.’
  • Gratuitous English: As both Hebrew and English are my mother tongues, and Israelis can generally understand at least enough English to get by, I used to use some English expressions when speaking Hebrew, some of which were probably lost on the people I was talking to. I dropped the habit when I was in the army and adopted a slightly more rugged style of speech (in Hebrew), similar to those around me, but that’s been fixed since I finished my service and enrolled into uni.
  • Happy Dance: In a self-aware, light-hearted way, often imitating Elaine’s memetic dance, or the one from the telly version of Goodness Gracious Me (when talking to my mum).
  • Hates Everyone Equally: Subverted. As for ethnicities, I am very, very anti-racist. As for creeds, I hate all religions if they oppose human rights (including equality and security, which includes bodily integrity) or oppose science, and simply somewhat disrespect them (but see their benefits) if they teach things that contradict known facts that any person with the relevant expertise can tell you. That is why I hate conservative Catholicism and other fucked up Christian sects, Islám (except for really liberal Qur'anist sects), Orthodox Judaism (as it’s not just homophobic, it’s incredibly racist, and I get to see first-hand how horrifying its effects are), and the racist/classist/misogynistic/homophobic/generally intolerant sects of Hinduismnote , roughly in that ascending order, and tolerate the UCC (I’ve even considered converting to Christianity once, and chose them as the church to join), Reformed/Progressive Jews who perform Brit Shalom, non-racist reconstructionist paganism, &c. In other words, I judge all religions by the same standards, but I’m especially irritated by those that affect me (namely radical Judaism and Islám).
  • Hates Small Talk: When I was much younger. Completely averted nowadays.
  • Have I Mentioned I Am Bi?: Played painfully straight when I just came out, somewhat continued online after I was told to go back in the closet. My mum still thinks I have this in spades; see Bi the Way above.
  • Have You Tried Being ‘Normal’?: I’ve been asked that by really tactless people, long before even I knew I had AS.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight: When I was third grader (I think) I learned to read and write the Symbol font (which was actually Greek) on Word, and used it to write a silly little Pokémon fanfic. I showed it to my parents, who were pretty impressed. My mum looked at the printed page and asked me about what the sign ‘Ɐ’ (upturned A) was for, and I explained it was for quote marks. Amazed, she looked at my father and said, ‘Give that kid a text in Japanese, and he’ll understand it!’note 
  • Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Not one myself, but I do support legalisation and regulation of the sex industry, including sex workers’ unions, health inspections, taxes, everything. And no, I would not mind if my future daughter did it, but preferrably as a temporary thing before moving on to something more lucrative that hopefully requires academic or otherwise prestigious skills, such as musical or athletic talent (I’d say the same if she were a stewardess or something).
  • Horrible Judge of Character: Used to be (not half as much today, and anyway, much more cautious), to the point my best friend from seventh grade up to eleventh grade was a sociopathic Consummate Liar (although an incredibly intelligent and interesting one), who spread the rumour I was switching schools after I’d finished seventh grade (and that was the least of what he used to do). He was practically a real-live version of Eric Cartman, only he was an Evil Genius and hasn’t killed anyone... as far as I know. Actually, in eleventh grade (and maybe in tenth too) I had someone else who probably qualifies instead. That person threatened to stab me with a fork in the eye for expressing shortly after eleventh grade my grossly negative view of (early) Disney and the two poets who inspired her to write; I broke off all contact with her after that, except for a single time I called her to ask for her ex’s number, after I’d met her (now him) in IConnote . (Come to think of it, I broke off ties with both shortly after eleventh year... Sounds like Character Development to me.)
  • How Do You Like Them Apples?: I like them very much, except for that shitey sort they serve at the chow hall in the Kirya. Blech.
  • Humiliation Conga: Elementary in a nutshell.note 
  • Hurricane of Puns: I’ve a knack for words in general, so I can pull this off every now and then.
  • Hypocritical Humor: I do that every now and then (intentionally, of course); for instance, when someone corrects my grammar, I usually say, ‘Who cares?’note  Or when I got addicted to playing Angry Birds on my coworker’s smartphone during my service (she’s not the same girl who thought I was a Martian, she was the one who came to replace her), and she got addicted to playing Bubble Shooter on her smartphone, I criticised (in jest, of course) her addiction to silly games.
  • I Ate What?: My father urged me once to try some strange soft food he refused to tell me what it was. Only later did he tell me those were turkey testicles. I reacted very calmly (I am not one to fall into Foreign Queasine easily), but I was not amused by this antic, which would have ended far worse if it were anyone else.
  • I Have Many Names: I’ve always abhored my legal name with a passion, and have taken several nicknames and chosen various names to change it to over the yearsnote . The current first name I chose is Niall, but you can call me by any variant thereof that you like: Njål, Njáll, Nigel, or, the one I usually use, Neel.
  • I Thought It Meant:
    • Obviously happens to me often. A silly example would be when I was in twelfth grade and overheard a classmate saying something about someone named Aviv, and I thought he was talking about someone’s father, as the two are homophones in Hebrewnote .
    • I once told my ex that there were no McDonald’s restaurants in Iceland anymore, and said, ‘Isn’t it whoppernote ?’ He thought, for some reason, I’d said there were no Whoppers in Iceland, which he found regrettable, as he liked those.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Most notably with F.B. from above, who almost became my girlfriend during the year between the end of high school and the beginning of my military service: she met an old ex with whom she still had some stuff to bring to a closure; then she found a boy from school she was with for almost a year; now, she is with the one who is probably her One True Love.
  • I Work Alone: I always asked to do school assignments that required partners on my own. I was usually allowed to do it, and when I wasn’t, I asked to be assigned a certain portion of work and do that on my own.
  • I Know Your True Name: I give my legal name (even IRL) only when I’m around family, when I have to (like when talking to authorities), or to very close and well-trusted friends. For everyone else (including the close friends), I’m Shunra.
  • Iconic Item: I’ve had several over the years. Most notable is the blue and orange mackintosh that made me look like Naruto that I used to wear throughout most of the year from seventh grade to twelfth.
  • If It's You, It's Okay: I often say in jest that everyone is gay for me... especially girls. Frankly, it’s rather frustrating.
  • The Illegible: My handwriting was accused of being this in the past. Subverted, as it seems to have become far more penetrable, and even when it was deemed that unfriendly people could almost always read it with a bit of effort.
  • Immortality Seeker: As I have no guarantee I will reincarnate. Ideally, I’d become a Time Lord, and own a TARDIS and whatnot. Just... constantly reinvent myself and visit anywhere and anywhen in the universe... yeah. Mais je divauge.
  • In My Language That Sounds Like: I used the emoticon ‘X3’ with a friend from Russia. He misinterpreted it as ‘ХЗ’, which is short for ‘хуй знает’note , Russian for ‘I haven’t a fucking clue.’
  • Informed Ability: I usually identify as an atheist, but I’ve had various religious beliefs over the years (including a religion I practically made up, and right now I’m not sure what I believe in. I do believe in reincarnationnote  and very vaguely tend to believe in a sort-of Hindu-Shinto-Norse pagan mix of sorts, but as no god/des has shown convincing evidence to his/her/its existence or approached me in person, I generally live my life on the assumption they don’t exist, and assume they’ll respect my integrity if they do.
  • Insistent Terminology: When I just started learning it, back in eighth grade, I used to really hate it when people called Mandarin ‘Chinese’ (it’s a written language, the spoken ‘dialects’ are no longer referred to as such...).
  • Instant Expert: I’m a very fast learner, especially when languages are involved. I’ve amazed people time and time again with my autodidactic language-learning abilitiesnote . Hel, if I’d not been a fast learner, I wouldn’t have turned from a kid with obvious Asperger’s on the verge of PDD to a young somewhat quirky adult who barely gives it off.
  • Insufferable Genius: Deconstructed over the years.
  • Isn't It Ironic?: I love pointing those out. Did you know Big in Japan is about a man wondering whether or not he should leave his empty life as a male prostitute in Japan, which is a rather easy one as he’s ‘big in Japan’? I found that out when I wanted to write a spoof of that song titled Drink in Japannote . Needless to say, I had quite a laugh...
  • It Makes Sense in Context: ‘Also, I was once a Na‘vi teacher (true story)...’
  • It Seemed Trivial: Happens to me a lot, but much less so over the years. Still often happens when I leave out a detail I find obvious when writing an assignmentnote , which has cost me far too many points than it should have.
  • Jews Love to Argue: Inverted. As it turns out, I’m keener on arguing than most people around me. If you ask me, it’s mostly because they’ve been too indoctrinated to actually stand their ground in an argument; better-read people have argued fairly impressively with me.
  • Kids Are Cruel: Well, Hadera Kids Are Cruel. See Humiliation Conga above and Klingon Promotion below.
  • Kindhearted Cat Lover: I’ve always loved cats; see Cuteness Proximity above.
  • Klingon Promotion: My elementary was a horribly violent place that practically ran on a milder version of this: if you proved an effective bully who could stand up to his classmates in a fight, you were ‘popular’, and the rift between ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ was enormous.
  • The Knights Who Say Squee: My reaction when I met Japanologist Ya‘akov Raz, and later Ben-‘Ami Shillony.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: My stepfather asked my brother and me once why a tractor that stopped by us at a red light had some part on it. I said, ‘Because that’s how it was drawn.’
  • Mama Bear: My mum managed to pull this off with a surprising lot of grace.
  • Maneki Neko: I have a piggy bank shaped like one.
  • Memetic Mutation:
    • My mum and I have made full use of Seinfeld, the telly adaptation of Goodness Gracious Me, and many others as Fountains of Memes.
    • Once, when I was in eighth grade, I was asked to use my Brutal Honesty towards a classmate. Fearing retribution, I said, ‘You are a fan of anarchynote  who espouses utter lack of logic.’ The person I described was amused as was the one who asked me to give a description, and it became a meme for a little while.
    • In tenth grade I tried to invoke this, giving the Vulcan salute to greet schoolmates and saying ‘bakatnote  for ‘boker tovnote . When asked, I explained, ‘If that catches on, one day I’ll tell my grandchildren I was the one who came up with this!’ It caught on for a while in a small group of schoolmates, and after a while I just thought it was getting old.
  • Mentor Archetype: My mum, arguably. See Fake Ultimate Hero above.
  • Mind Screwdriver: I found out I had AS after I’d finished eleventh grade. Reading about it has explained to me a lot of my idiosyncrasies, as well as some of my personality traits. I thought it deconstructed my Cloudcuckoolander-ness, but as I started speaking to fellow aspies, it turned out I was far more extroverted and just plain odder than they were, although a lot of my personality traits do generally fit the description given on TV Tropes.
  • Mistaken for Racist: I’ve said some borderline-racist stuff about Jews in the past, but I never referred to Jews as an ethnicity, but rather to the nastier sides of their culture that are seriously amplified around here (mostly xenophobia and rampant ethnic pride, combining into a horrible paranoia concerning anything that might be remotely considered anti-Semitic-I call people with that mentality ‘paranoyids’). I’ve even been asked some time between my first and second year in uni whether or not I see myself as anti-Semitic; as I explained above in Berserk Button and in Hates Everyone Equally above, no, I am not.
  • Mistaken Nationality: I’ve been confused for an American a few times because of my accent, and for a Jew because of where I live. When I was a ninth grader (when I was a Commie) and later a tenth grader, I was more accepting of the latter (I used to see myself as one back then) and very annoyed by the former (see Eagleland above); now this has been reversed. Nowadays I’m often confused for a Russian every now and then, which is not too far from the truth: I don’t look Jewish or Semitic in the slightest and I am quarter-Russian (and half-Ukrainian, and Ukrainians often speak Russian instead of Ukrainian), but I only speak a tiny bit of Russian that I had to study myself.
  • Misunderstood Loner with a Heart of Gold: Lighter version. I don’t go out much and have rarely interacted with classmates outside of school/uni, and I’ve had some rumours spread around me. When I was in ninth grade, after some classmates poked some fun at me (all in good spirits, though), another classmate remarked about me, ‘One day he’s gonna bring guns to school and shoot us all!’
  • Momma's Boy: A somewhat milder and justified onenote , as my mum is a genius and has saved me from the repercussions of the dumb shite I’ve pulled off over the years.
  • Moral Event Horizon:
    • My tenth grade homeroom teacher crossed it and never returned the day she lied to my parents about me. Kot I hate that cunt.
    • Israel had a few. When I was younger I used to have a strange love-hate relationship with this country. But then:
      • When I first tried coming out of the closet (in tenth grade) and was quickly told to go back in. My parents told me how the teachers talked about how I was ‘spreading hurtful information’ about myself.
      • About a year later when I found out just how harmful circumcision is. (No, I wasn’t cut due to religious reasons, just plain conformism.)
      • When I gradually started noticing just how fucked up the education system is here, as well as pretty much anything else. I still hated it, but argued vehemently against anyone who said something uneducated about it that it was in the right in the Arab-Israeli Conflict.
      • When I started reading Yossi Gurvitz’s Hebrew blog and began realising that Israel is very far indeed from being as in the right as I thought it was, leading to the ‘My Kot, What Have I Done?’ moment below.
    • Any Israeli politician who was part of the Lekhi and hasn’t repented (and, as far as I know, none of them have) is a terrorist in my book, plain and simple.
    • I assigned one to Jesus in this poem (last section).
    • As far as my mum is concerned, my classmates passed it when they invited me to a non-existent party at a park in Hadera, which she stopped me from going to at the last second, and the kid who invited me denied the whole thing the next day.
  • Motor Mouth: How I aced Arabic.
  • My Kot, What Have I Done?: Had somewhat of a moment like that after I learned a few things about the IDF, and seriously regretted having convinced my friend F.B. mentioned above to join it.
  • N-Word Privileges: I think I’ve earned those fair and square for pretty much any group out there. However, there are some words I find too offensive to use at all (though there are only a few of them), such as ‘coccinelle’ (Hebrew slur for effeminate gay men or Useful Notes/Transgender women, from the stage name of the French transsexual entertainer Coccinelle), which I often reprimand people for using (assuming they’re the kind of people who would actually bother not offending people).
  • Neutral Good: I generally see myself as such.
  • Never Live It Down: I’m always surprised at how easily averted this Trope is when it comes to me, thank Kot. However, the bullies and just plain cunts from my elementary will always be bullies and just plain cunts in my book, at least in the foreseeable future.
  • Never Speak Ill of the Dead: Averted. As far as I’m concerned, death in and of itself does not redeem, but death as punishment or in an attempt to make amends might. So, for instance, when Yitskhak Shamir died, I said, ‘That terroristnote  is dead? Good riddance.’
  • Nice Guy: I suppose I am, heh.
  • The Nicknamer: If I address you by a cute nickname I gave you, I really like you.
  • No Bisexuals: I was asked by particularly stupid people to ‘choose’ when I explained I like both boys and girls.
  • No Sense of Personal Space: To some extent, till I was taught what ‘personal space’ means between second and third grade. It took me practically no time to internalise it after being taught.imes because neurotypical people are often too stupid not to take things at face value when need be.
  • Not Good with People: Depends on the people and depends for how long. I’m very socially competent when alert, to the point it surprises people that I have AS, but prolonged extensive social interaction makes me tirednote  and very tactless.
  • Object Ceiling Cling: A few months (or maybe a few weeks) after I’d dropped the bottle from Brick Joke above, my father, brother, and I sat down to eat supper, when I noticed a strange deep red stain on the ceiling. My father took a chair and rubbed his finger on it, then came down and told me to taste it. I was confused, but I did as he said, and started laughing: it was raspberry syrup that had stuck to the ceiling when I dropped the bottle.
  • Oblivious to His Own Description: When I was a fifth grader, I went with my father and brother to Mt. Hermon, which is pretty much the only place in Israel where it snows (almost) every winter. I went to some hill where they had sled rides, I slid down, and came back up. I heard some bloke in charge asking some kid in a green mackintosh to move away as I was walking back up; he repeated that request twice or thrice, and I was wondering what was wrong with that idiot kid who refused to move away. You’ve probably guessed what happened next. Needless to say, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, and not needless to say I was actually moving away (though apparently still on the track) and would have moved faster if I’d been more aware of what I was wearing... Ugh.
  • Old Shame: Plenty. It comes with AS and the gradual realisation of just how stupid I was throughout my life.
  • Older than They Look: When I’m not shaven and I don’t have my glasses on I look at least three years younger than I actually am.
  • One-Liner, Name... One-Liner: When I was in tenth grade my wigger cousin from NYC came to visit. He would often talk rather obscenely, and when my little brother, who was 9 and didn’t speak English very well, asked what he was talking about, he’d say, ‘Spoon, man, spoons,’ much to his annoyance. A few months later he said something (probably about sex) to my mum during a conversation and I didn’t hear what; I asked him what he said, and he said triumphantly, ‘Spoons, man, spoons!
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: As mentioned above, I tell people to call me ‘Shunra’ IRL. This is because I abhor my real name, and, having been raised in Hadera among real arseholes, I came to think that if people knew my real name after I changed it, they’d address me by it just to spite me. This gimmick stuck, and people are usually OK with it, or at least get used to it very quickly.
  • Only Sane Man: I really felt this way in the army. I volunteered partially due to the misguided ideological view that Israel is a bastion of democracy in the Mid East that should be protected; it turned out I’d misinterpreted the people I went to boot camp and those I served with were much more motivated by patriotism, or, more simply, related more closely to the ‘Jewish’ part of the definition usually ascribed to Israel, namely ‘Jewish and democratic’. I was still immensely happy when I finished my service, and the commander of my unit said I’d helped him change his outlook significantly, and I really hope I’ve brought about similar change in other people as well.
  • The One That Got Away: Happened several times. Ugh.
  • Overly Narrow Superlative: I refer every now and then to my Furry friends as ‘my favourite X’, e.g. Immelmann is ‘my favourite wolfrabbit’. Subverted, as I don’t use it as an insult, but to show genuine affection without starting ‘competitions’.
  • Parody Religion: Praise be to teh Ceiling Cat, amenNOM!
  • Pass the Popcorn: Averted. People around me fighting and arguing make me nervous and uncomfortable, and when appropriate I tend to try and resolve their arguments.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: I get far fewer commissions than I’d like to have. *Sob*
  • Poor Communication Kills: Oh yes.
  • Power-Up Food: Meat often feels that way for me. I joke often about how I could never become a vegetarian, as I ‘need a dead animal in my mouth’. (I do, however, have vegan and vegetarian friends, whom I do not badger about their admittedly admirable moral stand.)
  • Quote Mine:
    • When I was in elementary there used to be silly pranks some classmates would do to invoke this, such as asking someone to say ‘my beauty’, then telling someone else about it (in front of the ‘prankee’), or asking, ‘Do you like a slicenote  [also ‘hot girl’ in Hebrew]?’ and acting bewildered about how he ‘doesn’t like a slice of cake’ if he says no or joking about his alleged crush if he says he does. Holy fuck these kids were stupid...
    • I went great distances to avert this here.
  • Race Fetish: I often joke about how ‘once you go black’.
  • Real Men Cook: Subverted, as my gender identity is a bit too hazy for me to label myself as a ‘man’ without hesitation, and averted, as I can barely cook, though I’d love to learn.
  • Rebellious Spirit: Justified, I guess, if you consider that to be my outlet of my aggression, or that Israel is, in many respects, a Crapsack World.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni:
    • Very roughly speaking, my brother is the Blue Oni, and I’m the Red one. See Sibling Yin-Yang below.
    • And again, my cousin from NYC is the Red Oni, and I’m the Blue one.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Frequently used in my humour. For instance, when the butler on The Island was a black young adult named Milo, I said, ‘Why did they give him a dog’s name? That’s wrong! What, just because he’s a coon?’
  • Ridiculous Procrastinator: Internet...
  • Sassy Black Woman: I befriended a classmate who sort-of matched this Trope in elementary. We had some ups and downs, but it’s another story. Anyway, I haven’t seen her since leaving Hadera (woohoo!note ).
  • Scary Black Man: Early on in elementary I noticed the Ethiopiannote  students tended to be the loudest and most violent. It took me years to overcome this bias, which is now very much inverted.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: I decided to stop calling myself Jewish at 16, having outgrown the bollocks I’ve been fed, mostly by my homeroom teacher in grades 3 to 5, about how wonderful it is to be Jewish and how beautiful Judaism is. It turned out later to be one of the wisest observations I’ve ever made.
  • Security Cling: Invoked for laughs when I was in Japan (see Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking above): the Japanese friend left to take a shower, and my mum and the friend’s daughter (whose father is Israeli, and she does not speak Japanese) were left with only me as a translator, so my mum pretended to desperately cling to me like that.
  • Seinfeldian Conversation: You’d be surprised at how profound my analyses of things like Cartoon Network shows can get.
  • Sensual Slav: 50% Ukrainian, 25% Russian, 25% Lithuanian, 100% sexy.
  • Serious Business: Detail and info in generalnote , but mostly when it comes to languages and linguistics.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: I become a grave offender from time to time. Less so as time goes on; when I was a kid I once pointed at a huge puddle and said to my mum, ‘Behold, mum, an ocean!’ I later started to ‘translate’ Standard Hebrew to ‘kid language’.
  • Sibling Yin-Yang: My brother is a party animal whose adapted extremely well to the ‘Moshavnik’note  mentality, mostly to its social dynamic; I’m a loner with a very tenuous affection for its idyllic aspects and disdain for its underlying firm patriotism and militarism.
  • Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism: Quite tightly lodged in the idealism end of the spectrum. Even when I became horribly cynical in tenth/eleventh grade, I turned it into some sort of idealism with a semi-sarcastic support of the CoE’s ideals.
  • Soapbox Sadie: Often accused of being one, especially by my mum. I generally concur, but I justify it by mentioning that it’s not me, it’s the world. However, I should point out I let out all these tendencies either when the issue of politics comes up in a conversation on its own (usually with rather like-minded friends, and if not I’m far more moderate with them), on my blog, and occasionally with my family.
  • Sock Puppet: I used to write in another blog (in Hebrew) under the name ‘Lepus Albus’ about my AS, pretending I was two different people. I kept it up for a few months before The Reveal.
  • Some of My Best Friends Are X:
    • I almost used an ethnic insult with the girl mentioned in Sassy Black Woman above, but just to get her angry, not because I was actually racist. I later invited her home and told her I’ve no problem with black people, and, in fact, some of my favourite musicians were black (I adored jazz and blues back then, so much it appeared in my elementary yearbook).
    • I’ve used this with Jews a few times, though mostly in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. (Not that it isn’t truenote , or that I’m actually anti-Semetic.)
  • Something Only They Would Say: Being into linguistics and whatnot, I’ve pulled this off a few times. A very dear friend of mine, whose about as much as a Cloudcuckoolander as I am (if not more), has the habit of creating silly Sock Puppet Facebook profiles; once he annoyed me a bit too much with one―he used a profile named ‘J Diddy’, which was some sort of a weird ‘funk Jesus’ or something, and off-handedly referred to me as an Israeli―I told him he wasn’t fooling anyone. He asked me what had given him away, despite having used the philological equivalent of a Paper-Thin Disguise.
  • Songs of Solace: Aquarium’s Golden City or Neon Genesis Evangelion’s soundtrack, usually.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: A speech style I’m quite fond of.
  • Spiritual Antithesis: Having been a Commie of sorts when I read 1984, I felt the need to write my own ‘answer’ to it. The result was a thirty-page long story titled A Day in the Life of My Grandson, featuring my fictional future grandson Foxwitt Thorn telling in first-person about the ultra-Capitalist Wretched Hive that 2050’s Israel will have become. My mum and stepfather said that one day I’ll be very embarrassed of this work, due to its somewhat immature writing and explicit sex between minorsnote  and violence; so far, despite my views having changed drastically since then, I’m still very proud of it.
  • The Spock: Milder version. I’ve done an excellent job helping out people with grave problems of their by merely listening and coldly analysing their predicamentnote :
    • F.B. told me once she was depressed by the thought that everyone is just a complete egotist, a conclusion she came to after a philosophical debate with her mother. I asked her, ‘Do you act like this?’ She said no, so I pointed out that this means there’s at least one person who doesn’t fit that definition, and it’s only logical that there are plenty of others.
    • My BFF told me her then-girlfriend was kissed in a state of advanced inebriationnote by her best friend. I asked her for some details, and it turned on that friend was drinking with her, knowing she’s much more sensitive to the effects of alcohol than he was and had given no indication he’s do something like that, and she pushed him off as soon as she came to her senses, deleted his number off her phone, and even got her number changed. I pointed out she’d done nothing wrong, and they soon reunited and stayed together for about a year longer. Both she and I acknowledge just how much she grew and matured thanks to their relationship.note 
    • A classmate of mine in uni told me at length about how her boyfriend was acting oddly. She was very distressed about it, and her concerns wouldn’t leave her as much as I tried calming her down, though my efforts did help her get a better perspective and calm down somewhat.
  • Stealth Hi/Bye: I’ve appeared out of nowhere like that several times in high schoolnote . The reactions were funny.
  • Stepford Smiler: A rather light mixture of all three types. I generally keep to myself and dislike sharing my problems, except with a handful of a select few (with whom I will not share everything). See They're Called Personal Issues For A Reason below.
  • Strawman Has a Point: My mum seemed genuinely surprised when she asked me what rights LGBT people in Israel lacknote , and I gave her a list to show her that we do have some serious issues to protest about and it’s not just about making a fuss over ‘where we put our junk’. It should be noted she wasn’t homophobic or anything, just genuinely ignorant about this.
  • Stroke the Beard: I have just a stubble I shave off every now and then. I joke often about how I’ve earned the right to stroke it, as I take East Asian studies in uni.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: I’ve felt that way so, so many times growing up. Notable examples include Evil Cannot Comprehend Good above and the incredibly long amount of time explaining to other soldiers that I am not Jewish and that my family’s history does not constitute my religious identity (one religious Jewish soldier had such a hard time with getting it through his head I got so cross I eventually snapped and said, ‘We’re not in the 13th century anymore!’).
  • Take Over the World: When I was in high school, some of my classmates used to joke about how I’d take over the world some day. One of them asked me, ‘When you take over the world, will you remember me?’ And yes, I still remember her, by namenote  and face.
  • That Came Out Wrong: Happened to me more times than I can count, although I have always been quick to explain myself.
  • Too Much Information: Something I’ve learned to control. I don’t share every little bit of my personal history anymore.
  • Tenses: MAJOR issue.note  Fortunately, Hebrew generally averts misuse of tenses, as it has, essentially, only three tense/aspect combinations (past, present, and future, plus past habitual), and the agreement works differently: the deictic centre of a verb in a subordinate clause is the time the action in that verb took place, not in the main clause (e.g. ‘I called you on the phone, you said you were not home, that’s a lie’ would have made perfect sense in Hebrew, while in English it sounds like the speaker is Captain Obviousnote ). However, when I was in kindergarten, one of the therapists who tried to help me tried to get me to verbalise a story illustrated in a series of picture cards, featuring a girl picking apples, saying, ‘Look at what the girl’s doing! Now, what was the girl doing?’ She tried repeating the question a few times, but I was completely lost because her mangled grammar confused me. My mum, who was in the room, quickly found the problem and said, ‘OK, what is she doing right now?’ That made sense, and I answered.note 
  • They're Called Personal Issues For A Reason: Unlike this idiotic cliché, if you insist on trying to get me to talk about my problems, I’ll most likely see you as a very annoying neurotypical person with little to no listening comprehension.
  • Trademark Favorite Food:
    • My affection for salmon and its alleged positive effects on my cognitive functions have become sort-of a meme between my mum and me. Also, I use salmon as proof that teh Ceiling Cat exists: it’s large, so you can feed off of it for longer; it swims upstream, making it much easier to catch; it has an ugly face, so you’ve no qualms about catching it; you can eat it both raw and cooked; and it’s a fish, and, as Brainiac: Science Abuse can tell you, fish are cats’ favourite food. Verily, teh Ceiling Cat looks after its Clowder.
    • As stated above, I love apples, especially green Granny Smith apples, as well as any by-product thereof. Apple pie à-la-mode is my favourite dessert.
  • Tranquil Fury: Subverted. It often shows, but more subtley. I’m a civil person, after all.
  • Trans Equals Gay: Used to think so, when I was an uneducated elementary student and practically everyone around me was a Lower-Class Lout.
  • Transparent Closet: Even before coming out I was widely suspected of being gay, at least since seventh grade, although I always denied it and even mentioned girls I had a crush on. When I did try to come out in tenth grade, my then-best friend, who was a lesbian, said it had always been obvious to her that I was not heterosexual.
  • Troll: A light example. I do it only briefly, mostly to those I find annoying. The best example would probably be this little gem.
  • Trope Overdosed: ...Wow, this page is long.
  • Unable To Support A Wife: Well, sort-of. I often come off as rather awkward, which makes finding a job somewhat hard for me, which is one of the reasons I barely ever date anyone.
  • Unrequited Love Switcheroo: When I was in tenth grade, I sort-of fancied some girl who was in math class with me (just a bit though, I just liked her somewhat feisty attitude). After a while she started finding me cute as well. Then I noticed she was somewhat of a frekha, and I quickly lost all interest in her, wondering what the fuck I have done.
  • The Unsmile: Not really. I dislike my full, laughing smile, as I find it a bit oafish-looking, but I think my subtler smile looks fine, especially the more seductive one... >:3
  • Vacuum Mouth: In seventh grade I was in some extra-curricular science and math class that handed out some popsicles at the end of the year to celebrate. My then-best friend (the sociopath from Horrible Judge of Character above) did this to his popsicle, sucking about half of it in a matter of seconds. References to that feat became a Running Gag for him, a mutual friend, and me.
  • Values Dissonance: With pretty much anyone else in this country:
    • As secular as Israel might like to present itself, Jews who consider Jews to be a people and not a religion have an extremely difficult time separating between Judaism (more accurately Orthodox Judaism) and Jewishness as a culturenote . Thus they often don’t really see an alternative to using the state’s official Orthodox Jewish rabbinate’s services, the gravest offence being the marriage and divorce services (did you know Israel has no civil marriage/divorce? That means Jews and non-Jews can’t get married in Israel, and can’t get divorced in it if they married abroad). Not to mention how they all get up in arms when infant circumcision is brought up; it often gets so bad they use the argument, ‘He’s Jewish!’ to justify their decision to circumcise their son.note 
    • The Orthodox influence on Israeli Jews is something I generally find utterly horrific, not to mention the entire victim complex Jews have developed over the years about (perceived) anti-Semitism (in particular due to the Jewish Holocaust), manifesting at truly sickening xenophobia. Seriously, when a KKK member criticises your racism, that should be a serious wake-up call...
    • Also, unlike the vast majority of Israelis, I am extremely sceptical of the IDF, which is very much a sacred cow to Israelis. Try to criticise its rampant over-spending, its callous disregard and disrespect for human lives (as long as it’s not its own soldiers’), the idiotic lie it keeps propagating about draft dodgers, and you’ll immediately face harsh criticisms about your naïveté as for Israel’s condition at best and accusations of support of Arab dictatorships and requests to promptly leave Israel at worst. Amusingly, if you criticise Israel and say you want to leave, people will demand you stay and help fix things instead of running away.
    • And now for something completely different―I mused about this Trope in this poem.
  • Viewers Are Geniuses: I find it hard to guess what people might be familiar with when I make references to all sorts of things, ranging from English phrases to cultural landmarks of various cultures (this is particularly frustrating when Anglophone culture, and particularly American culture, is mentioned; Israelis are very exposed to American pop culture and generally speak fairly decent English[[note]]One of the few perks of visiting Israel is that you never have to ask anyone, ‘Do you speak English?’ Unless they’re old Russian immigrants or Arabs, and I often mistakenly assume they’d know a thing or two about American culture and history as well). Or when I talk to my own family and mention obscure stuff that I mentioned ages ago, and expect them to remember. My little brother is especially sensitive to that. Fortunately, I’m getting more and more used to using the very limited Small Reference Pools people around me are accustomed to.
  • Viewers Are Morons: What I seem to be discovering more and more harshly as time goes by. Of particular noteworthiness is the time I went to school dressed as Zeëv Jabotinsky for Purimnote , and a group of eleventh graders (who had had their final in history, which included Jabotinsky, just under a year beforehand) asked me who he was. Ugh.
  • Vodka Drunkenski: I like vodka either on a full stomach or mixed with cranberry juice.
  • Wall of Text: Some of my posts. Also, the essays I wrote on tests in English: they were supposed to be 120 to 140 words long, I consistently wrote them at least a page long, usually a page and a half long, but my teacher always found them wonderful to read.
  • Wangst: Tenth grade in a nutshell.
  • We Can Rule Together: I used to think I was born on the 9th of Av, which is said to be the birthday of the Messiah; I used to joke a lot about that, including jokes about co-ruling with boys and girls I fancied, until it turned out my father got it wrong and I was born on the 10th (though my mum went into labour on the 9th).
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: Many people over the years have told me I have a foreign accent when speaking Hebrew, but apparently it’s not a very consistent one: when I was a tenth grader, I was told I sounded Japanese; later I was told I sounded Scandinavian; when I was in the army, I was told I sounded American. I asked my mum about this; she said my pronunciation is perfectly normal―it’s the intonation and body language that are off. This seems to have lessened, as I haven’t been told so for a long while now.
  • Why Did It Have to Be...: I have what is most likely the strangest phobia ever (which will probably never be used against me these days―long story), which is also too embarrassing to reveal.
  • The Woobie: I’ve been every sort of Woobie so far (almost including Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds at one point, long story).
  • Would Hit a Girl: Generally averted, as I’m not violent, but I’d have no qualms about doing it if need be. I had a long fight with a high school friend about this: she thought hitting girls was inexcusable (‘Do you know what they’d do in my old school to boys who hit girls?!’), so I said something to the effect of, ‘In that case, girls should all Stay in the Kitchen!’ She was gravely offended and said that I’d said that girls should stay in the kitchen. At another point she did this again when I quoted Maïmonides once in Tenakh class as saying, ‘Women are light-mindednote ,’ and she told me angrily to shut up.
  • Writing Around Trademarks: Averted. I Googled the pen-name I chose for myself at eleventh grade, ‘An Cat Dubh’, a while after having chosen it; it turned out to be a song by U2 and an Irish folk band from Germany. I decided to keep the name, as the song is pretty much the only U2 song I find decent, and the band is pretty good. (It still has nothing to do with either.)
  • Yaoi Fanboy: Duh.
  • Yiddish as a Second Language: I speak just a bit of itnote . I dislike Yiddish even more than I dislike Hebrew, actually-I think of it as a gross corruption of German as spoken by obnoxious, gossipping Alter Kockers-but hey, knowing it prevents middle-aged Ashkenazi Jewish Israelis from using it around me.
  • You Know I’m Bi, Right?: In the year between graduating from high school and beginning my service, I waited once for my then-boyfriend to come for our date, and struck up a conversation with two girls there. During the conversation they said that Justin Bieber was gay. They were pretty embarrassed to find out what I was doing there...
  • You Know What They Say About X: I told the secretary who believed I was a Martian (see Fauxreigner above), ‘You know what they say about rumours...’ (She: What?) ‘That they’re all true, only no-one would admit that.’
  • Your Favorite: My affection for salmon and seafood in general has, as mentioned in Trademark Favorite Food and Everything's Better with Bacon above, reached memetic status in my family.
  • Yuri Fan: Not that big a fan of yuri per se, but I am somewhat of a dyke tyke. My BFF and my former best friend are both lesbians (though how lesbian exactly is a matter of debate; it’s complicated).

Favourite telly series, books, films, anime/manga, &c.:


So then. Have you tried playing the drinking game? If so, I’m sorry you’re hospitalised, but it is kind-of your fault.

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